NationStates Jolt Archive

This is just for a laugh.

Because of the world cup, Spiegel Magazine started a series on how to survive in Germany. I like it.

The Red Dictator (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406539,00.html)
Beer, Brewskies and Liquid Bread (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406529,00.html)
Of German Lines and Pythons (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406546,00.html)
Dog Doodoo and Dodo Birds (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406540,00.html)
No Blood, No Entschuldigung (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406544,00.html)

I had actually noted that waiting in cue thing when I passed through Germany. I found myself going from 4th to last in line in a few seconds.

What no "Brots Worsts and Best of Times"??

:mad:

Haha...I like the one about walking down the sidewalks.

I almost spit out my sprite when I saw the picture at the head of the article.

I had actually noted that waiting in cue thing when I passed through Germany. I found myself going from 4th to last in line in a few seconds.
They've all got a hint or two of truth to them.

If anyone can think of any other peculiarities, I'd like to hear them too. And not just about Germans, could be from anywhere. :)

In a crowd, many Germans will plow grimly ahead like Arctic ice-breaking ships.


It's true.


the little red man in Germany is a miniature dictator and his subjects often obey unconditionally.


Also true. I was in Germany and I was visiting a friend, and we were walking around the city. The street was clear but the light was red, I being the American college student that I am, decided to plow straight across, only to realize that my friend was on the other side of the street. After a puzzled look from me, and a look of horror from him (as if I'd just killed a kitten, a puppy and several fuzzy rabbits) the light turned green, he crossed and we continued onwards towards the blessed food and beer.

Ha! I like that. :p Even though I rolled my eyes to about the back of my head when reading the kids' names "Heidi" and "Franz" in the first article - I mean, please. And yeah, it's hyperbole, so don't believe everything they say. ;)

The best part:And with the concentration of spies especially high in the East German capital city, East Berliners had to be especially careful. The quick glance over the shoulder came to be known as the Berliner Blick -- the Berlin scan.

Today, although East Germany may have gone the way of the dodo, the Berliner Blick is still around. But instead of spying for spooks, Berliners' eyes are fixed firmly on the ground before them and they are watching for a different kind of waste. Dog shit.
Ahaha, so true!
I've been living here for 11 years now and I can't even remember the last time I stepped into dog shit. And believe me, that's pretty damn impressive, if I say so myself.

In fall it's especially bad because of all the brown leaves lying around. I had a friend come visit me this fall who had moved away from Berlin about 2 years ago, and we were joking about how he was walking with his head cast down (the real "Berlin Scan" doesn't look down so much as subconsciously scan the lower parts of your field of vision and report any abnormalities straight to yor leg muscles to avoid contamination) and wouldn't you know it, two hours later he stepped right into it. I almost laughed my ass off. He didn't. :p

They've all got a hint or two of truth to them.

If anyone can think of any other peculiarities, I'd like to hear them too. And not just about Germans, could be from anywhere. :)

Well heres one. This ones about Germans being very orderly and basically wearing horse blinders for every day activities.

My uncle was in Hamburg one year for a conference and decided to go get a sandwich for lunch. He entered the deli store and the clerk asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted a ham and cheese sandwich. The following went a little something like this:

The clerk: *turns back, looks at menu sign* "I'm sorry sir, we dont serve ham and cheese sandwiches."

My uncle: *confused* "But I can see you have bread right there, you have cheese right there, and theres some ham on that counter back there. Can't you just give me a ham and cheese sandwich?"

The clerk: *staring at my uncle in disbeleif* "I'm very sorry sir, but its not on our menu. We simply dont serve ham and cheese sandwhiches."

My uncle: *sighing* "Fine. Can I please have a ham sandwhich?"

The clerk: *turns back to look at menu* "Ok, sir. What would you like on it?"

My uncle: *grumbling* "Cheese!"

The clerk: *eyes lighting up* "Oh!"

-------------------------------------------------

Anyway, at least I thought it was funny.

*snip*
Believe it or not, the same often happens in Britain. :p

They've all got a hint or two of truth to them.

If anyone can think of any other peculiarities, I'd like to hear them too. And not just about Germans, could be from anywhere. :)
Did you no that, in Bulgaria, the head shake for no the rest of the world's for yes, and vice-versa? I was really confused when I was there.

Germany is the home of my friends and that is the home of my dagger.

Did you no that, in Bulgaria, the head shake for no the rest of the world's for yes, and vice-versa? I was really confused when I was there.
I'd heard they do that in some areas in India...well, now I'm a bit smarter. :p

Believe it or not, the same often happens in Britain. :p

Hah...really?

I wonder why that would be?

I always thought that would happen in Germany because of the German order and kinda horseblinder vision they have in their soceity...I wasnt aware that England was even close to being like that.

Hah...really?

I wonder why that would be?

I always thought that would happen in Germany because of the German order and kinda horseblinder vision they have in their soceity...I wasnt aware that England was even close to being like that.
I think people do it wherever they do it because of one reason: they are afraid of cars.
I go against the "let's cross the street diagonally on a red light" attitude that's prevailing in my society, and usually wait for a green light, at a crossing.

I always thought that would happen in Germany because of the German order and kinda horseblinder vision they have in their soceity...I wasnt aware that England was even close to being like that.
Oh please, the British and the Germans are essentially the same people.

They both bitch about the weather, they both enjoy their little suburban paradises, they are both eternally pessimistic and they both have a big piece of wood up their behinds.

In reality, they should be the best of friends.

Oh please, the British and the Germans are essentially the same people.

They both bitch about the weather, they both enjoy their little suburban paradises, they are both eternally pessimistic and they both have a big piece of wood up their behinds.

In reality, they should be the best of friends.
Indeed, the only real difference is that the Brits have discovered caffeine in a way the Germans haven't.

Indeed, the only real difference is that the Brits have discovered caffeine in a way the Germans haven't.
Wait a sec... what do you have?

Oh please, the British and the Germans are essentially the same people.

They both bitch about the weather, they both enjoy their little suburban paradises, they are both eternally pessimistic and they both have a big piece of wood up their behinds.

In reality, they should be the best of friends.
Quite true. Any hatred between the two is actually quite ironic.

Quite true. Any hatred between the two is actually quite ironic.

So then why is it that the English always side with the french, who they hate and always clash with the Germans, who they should get along with?

So then why is it that the English always side with the french, who they hate and always clash with the Germans, who they should get along with?
If anything, such disputes are largely for show nowadays. More like sibling rivalry than anything else. But speaking realistically, a typical English person has more in common with a German.

So then why is it that the English always side with the french, who they hate and always clash with the Germans, who they should get along with?
When will people stop believing in "national character", and their assumption that politics is a direct reflexion of "genetical determinism"?
An explenation is that Germany and France have established a continental system in the 1950s, one which the UK had always shown itself hostile to.
Why did you vote for Jeb Bush?

Wait a sec... what do you have?
What do I have, that is the question!

When will people stop believing in "national character", and their assumption that politics is a direct reflexion of "genetical determinism"?
An explenation is that Germany and France have established a continental system in the 1950s, one which the UK had always shown itself hostile to.
Why did you vote for Jeb Bush?

Because I'm an a Floridian conservative.

although, technically speaking I'm not old enough to vote yet...so I didnt vote for him. I would have...had I been of age. My parents did, so thats close enough.

Two new ones:

The Hasselhoff Blemish (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,407072,00.html)

Training for the Formula One (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406545,00.html)

Fortunately, that woman Haselhoff is kissing isn't "young" at all.

There are non-German folks who actually know much about Haselhoff's musical career: they are called the Danes. From my expirience, they displayed physical suffering when talking about the times.

A big, big update...
Toilet Shelf on Trial (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406547,00.html)
Germany's Real Divide (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,407053,00.html) - so, so true!
The Gummy Bear Obsession (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,407043,00.html)
Stay Off the Bike Path! (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406543,00.html)
Visa Won't Get you Far at the World Cup (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408249,00.html)
The Secret History of the Garden Gnome (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408272,00.html)
Germany's Aged Students (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408465,00.html)
Soused on the Sidewalk (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408286,00.html)
Gather Round the Stammtisch (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408482,00.html)
Surviving Germany's Service Wasteland (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,409948,00.html)
Krauts and Cancer Sticks (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,410123,00.html)
"I don't speak much English!" (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,410295,00.html)

This stuff is great! I think (so far) the Hasselhoff one is my favorite. :p

Damn you, Neu Leonstein, I was *so* trying to go to bed early tonight. :p

A big, big update...

http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,406547,00.html
The toilets! :D Love it, esp. the link to the blog, hehe. Classic.

http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,407043,00.html
LOL, I'm just imagining the look on people's faces if their foreign visitors actually showed up bearing flowers and gummi bears, of all things. What a stupid idea.

http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408249,00.html True about the credit cards, sadly.

http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408465,00.html
"PHILOLOGUS AD NAUSEAM - Germany's Aged Students" - Holy shit, that's me! :eek:
It feels both good and bad to know we're such a common phenomenon.
Seriously, the next time Kanabia mentions how he'll be finished with university soon, I'll lose it. He'll be what - 20, 21?
Damn, I was 20 when I graduated from high school! Something's just not right here.

http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,410295,00.html
"THOSE LYING GERMANS - "I Don't Speak Much English""
Aw, that's actually kind of nice for a change. :p


PS: I doubt that you feel like doing it, but it would be nice if one could see the articles' titles, not just the blank links. Would make clicking them a bit more appealing, I'd think.

PS: I doubt that you feel like doing it, but it would be nice if one could see the articles' titles, not just the blank links. Would make clicking them a bit more appealing, I'd think.
I'm feeling very, very charitable indeed.

So then why is it that the English always side with the french, who they hate and always clash with the Germans, who they should get along with?

Actually, the English side with the Belgians, and the French just sort of tag along... :D

I'm feeling very, very charitable indeed.
Hey, it's your thread, I was just trying to improve the ratings, so to speak. :p

Two more.

Stop Talking when the Room Goes Quiet (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,408852,00.html)

Beasts from the East, Pests from the West (http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,410770,00.html)

And then (and you'll like this) a quiz, to test whether you paid attention and are thus ready to survive a trip to Germany!

Are You Ready to Visit Germany? (http://www1.spiegel.de/active/survivalbible/fcgi/survivalbible.fcgi)

I like the "chance of hangover" ratings they gave the beers. :p

Two more.
Are You Ready to Visit Germany?

Done! :D