AlanSmithee
20-03-2006, 19:41
Maybe this will be my big break, no more terrble reviews. This is a NS-ized musical. Basically that means I scaled it down quite a bit and edited a few songs. I didn't write the music because I don't know how, so I'll leave you to fill in the tunes. Workin' Stiffs is about a group of accountants who, bored with their profession and tired of their boss, join a mysterious man named Warner in beginning the Communist revolution in the US. The story follows Jim Moffitt, one of these accountants, as he tries to figure out what to do. I'm just going to post act one and if you like it, I'll post the rest in pieces. I hope you enjoy it.
~Alan Smithee
Director of Solar Crisis~
JIM MOFFITT is an accountant. He is in his thirties. He is wearing a drab, grey uniform with a green viser and is surrounded by loan applications that he must record.
Jim Moffitt:
You work all your life
And what do you get?
An obnoxious wife
Who's always in a fit
Minimum wage
Then a lousy pension
I have a whole page
Of things I could mention
Debt coming out of your ass
Telemarketers calling
They've really got no class
It really is appalling
The life I lead
But what could have make it better?
To whom should I plead?
I'm a big disrgace
There's no denying it
'Cause I'm about as useful
As a stick stuck in shit
I have no where to turn
No way that I could change
There are no lessons I could learn
Nothing that I could rearrange
I haven't made any mark on any tree
I guess the world will soon forget about me
I should just end it while I'm ahead
It doesn't really matter
Whether I'm alive or dead
Jim proceeds to take a gun and press it against his head
JFK:
Stop!
Jim:
Who said that?
JFK:
I did.
Jim:
Holy shit! You're Robert Kennedy!
JFK:
Er, I'm Jack, the other brother.
Jim:
What are you doing here?
JFK:
To stop you from doing something you'll regret.
Jim:
Oh, why do you care?
JFK:
Because you have what I don't.
Jim:
You have money and an army of women who want to have sex with you.
JFK:
That's true, but all of it is useless if you don't have life.
Jim:
Huh?
JFK:
I'd do anything for just a little more time on earth.
Jim:
If you came back, you'd have it good. I don't have jack-diddly shit.
JFK:
You have it better than you think.
Jim:
Really?
JFK:
No, not really, BUT that doesn't mean it'll always be that way.
You're going to be given a golden opportunity to change your-
self. Don't run away from it.
Jim :
Then it'll all turn to shit. It always does.
JFK:
Trust me, alright? It won't this time. Besides, you're more
useful than you think.
Jim:
Horse shit.
JFK:
You just need a little confidence in yourself.
Jim:
When I was little
I rode the short bus to school
They said it was because
I was just a little fool
My family always said
That I was slow in the head
And my teachers always wondered
Why I wasn't dead
They never gave me credit
Where credit was due
My talents, they thought
Were childish and few
They always left me sittin' in the brime
Everyone around, you see
No one ever took the time
To listen to me
I may not be the sharpest knife
In the kitchen drawer
I never figured out how
To unlock an opened door
But I'm not as ignorant
As everyone may say
Even though I display it
Every single day
I may not be an Albert Einstein
Or some other Jew
But just listen to me
And you'll have another view
They'll see my trueself
And be amazed by it
They won't think I'm a dim-wit
Not one little bit!
I am smart in all actuality
I can express myself intelligently
But it's hard for me to speak eloquently
Or to act like a gentlemanly
But if I work on it, if I really try
I see no rea-son why!
I could be a better man
Always doing
The best that I can
If I just put handicaps aside
Then I'll be able to enjoy the ride!
People will see me
Striding through the streets
Followed by adoring fleets
I'll start all over again
With a fresh, new start
No one will be able
To crush my heart
I just have to think it through
I can do it, if I really try hard
Learn to use every one of my cards!
I....
Jim's boss, MR SMITH barges in
Mr. Smith:
What is all of this? I heard noises. Were you jerking off on the job?
JFK:
Er, I better go now...
Jim:
No, sir. I was just...
Mr. Smith:
Jerking off on the job!
Jim:
Well, I, er...correct, sir.
Mr Smith:
This is going to come out of your paycheck!
Jim:
But I'm already in the red!
Mr. Smith:
That's your fault for lazying around. Now get back to work
or I'll take away your overtime pay.
Jim:
You already did.
Mr. Smith:
Then I'll charge you for working overtime.
Jim:
What?!
Mr. Smith:
You know I can't afford to payfor you working more than 5:00 A.M.
to 11:00 P.M. You'retrying to cheat me. So, I'm just taking back
what's mine.
Jim:
But, but I need rent money!
Mr. Smith:
That's not my problem, Jimmy Boy.
Mr. Smith walks out of the room laughing
Jim:
That son of a bitch...I hate him. He never leaves anything but
scraps. I grab for a bone and he yanks it away and gives it
to the dog.
Mr. Smith pops in the room again with a lit cigar in his mouth
Mr. Smith:
Well, Jimm Boy, that's how the system works.
Jim:
How what system works?
Mr. Smith:
My wonderful, generious, beautiful, mistress!
Jim:
The secretary?
Mr. Smith:
NO, capitalism!
Communism doesn't have
That lively added spice
That makes banking
Particularly nice
No, dear boy you must work
For the good of society
No benefits, or stock options
It's all done in charity
But under our system
That we call capitalism
You just can't stop
That thing that we call pro-fit...
You can roll right in the dough
And watch the green backs flow
There's nothing you have to know
Just sit back and watch the show
You just take a little money
You listening, Sonny?
It doesn't have to be much
Just enough to be a crutch
For future investment and savings
So later your financial cravings
Will be met with gentle ease
With no overtime or fees
No, I'm not a prophet
But that's all you to do
If you want to make a profit
You may say that I am greedy
'Cause I'm takin' from the needy
But I'm helping, yes indeedy
By taking what they don't spend
And using it to lend
I'm helping the economy
With my rugged autonomy
It trickles down to the lowest
Whose income grows the slowest
And becomes their weekly earnings
To satisfy their material yearnings
Which goes right back to the top
So you see, you cannot stop
That wonder of wonders
That plunder of plunders
That's distinct as crushing thunder...
Can you hear me, Jim Moffitt
That lovely,crying mistress
That wonderwoman, profit!
Jim:
But what do I get out of it?
Mr. Smith:
A key-ring.
Mr. Smith hands him a key ring.
There, that's your Christmas bonus.
Mr Smith leaves the room
End Act One
~Alan Smithee
Director of Solar Crisis~
JIM MOFFITT is an accountant. He is in his thirties. He is wearing a drab, grey uniform with a green viser and is surrounded by loan applications that he must record.
Jim Moffitt:
You work all your life
And what do you get?
An obnoxious wife
Who's always in a fit
Minimum wage
Then a lousy pension
I have a whole page
Of things I could mention
Debt coming out of your ass
Telemarketers calling
They've really got no class
It really is appalling
The life I lead
But what could have make it better?
To whom should I plead?
I'm a big disrgace
There's no denying it
'Cause I'm about as useful
As a stick stuck in shit
I have no where to turn
No way that I could change
There are no lessons I could learn
Nothing that I could rearrange
I haven't made any mark on any tree
I guess the world will soon forget about me
I should just end it while I'm ahead
It doesn't really matter
Whether I'm alive or dead
Jim proceeds to take a gun and press it against his head
JFK:
Stop!
Jim:
Who said that?
JFK:
I did.
Jim:
Holy shit! You're Robert Kennedy!
JFK:
Er, I'm Jack, the other brother.
Jim:
What are you doing here?
JFK:
To stop you from doing something you'll regret.
Jim:
Oh, why do you care?
JFK:
Because you have what I don't.
Jim:
You have money and an army of women who want to have sex with you.
JFK:
That's true, but all of it is useless if you don't have life.
Jim:
Huh?
JFK:
I'd do anything for just a little more time on earth.
Jim:
If you came back, you'd have it good. I don't have jack-diddly shit.
JFK:
You have it better than you think.
Jim:
Really?
JFK:
No, not really, BUT that doesn't mean it'll always be that way.
You're going to be given a golden opportunity to change your-
self. Don't run away from it.
Jim :
Then it'll all turn to shit. It always does.
JFK:
Trust me, alright? It won't this time. Besides, you're more
useful than you think.
Jim:
Horse shit.
JFK:
You just need a little confidence in yourself.
Jim:
When I was little
I rode the short bus to school
They said it was because
I was just a little fool
My family always said
That I was slow in the head
And my teachers always wondered
Why I wasn't dead
They never gave me credit
Where credit was due
My talents, they thought
Were childish and few
They always left me sittin' in the brime
Everyone around, you see
No one ever took the time
To listen to me
I may not be the sharpest knife
In the kitchen drawer
I never figured out how
To unlock an opened door
But I'm not as ignorant
As everyone may say
Even though I display it
Every single day
I may not be an Albert Einstein
Or some other Jew
But just listen to me
And you'll have another view
They'll see my trueself
And be amazed by it
They won't think I'm a dim-wit
Not one little bit!
I am smart in all actuality
I can express myself intelligently
But it's hard for me to speak eloquently
Or to act like a gentlemanly
But if I work on it, if I really try
I see no rea-son why!
I could be a better man
Always doing
The best that I can
If I just put handicaps aside
Then I'll be able to enjoy the ride!
People will see me
Striding through the streets
Followed by adoring fleets
I'll start all over again
With a fresh, new start
No one will be able
To crush my heart
I just have to think it through
I can do it, if I really try hard
Learn to use every one of my cards!
I....
Jim's boss, MR SMITH barges in
Mr. Smith:
What is all of this? I heard noises. Were you jerking off on the job?
JFK:
Er, I better go now...
Jim:
No, sir. I was just...
Mr. Smith:
Jerking off on the job!
Jim:
Well, I, er...correct, sir.
Mr Smith:
This is going to come out of your paycheck!
Jim:
But I'm already in the red!
Mr. Smith:
That's your fault for lazying around. Now get back to work
or I'll take away your overtime pay.
Jim:
You already did.
Mr. Smith:
Then I'll charge you for working overtime.
Jim:
What?!
Mr. Smith:
You know I can't afford to payfor you working more than 5:00 A.M.
to 11:00 P.M. You'retrying to cheat me. So, I'm just taking back
what's mine.
Jim:
But, but I need rent money!
Mr. Smith:
That's not my problem, Jimmy Boy.
Mr. Smith walks out of the room laughing
Jim:
That son of a bitch...I hate him. He never leaves anything but
scraps. I grab for a bone and he yanks it away and gives it
to the dog.
Mr. Smith pops in the room again with a lit cigar in his mouth
Mr. Smith:
Well, Jimm Boy, that's how the system works.
Jim:
How what system works?
Mr. Smith:
My wonderful, generious, beautiful, mistress!
Jim:
The secretary?
Mr. Smith:
NO, capitalism!
Communism doesn't have
That lively added spice
That makes banking
Particularly nice
No, dear boy you must work
For the good of society
No benefits, or stock options
It's all done in charity
But under our system
That we call capitalism
You just can't stop
That thing that we call pro-fit...
You can roll right in the dough
And watch the green backs flow
There's nothing you have to know
Just sit back and watch the show
You just take a little money
You listening, Sonny?
It doesn't have to be much
Just enough to be a crutch
For future investment and savings
So later your financial cravings
Will be met with gentle ease
With no overtime or fees
No, I'm not a prophet
But that's all you to do
If you want to make a profit
You may say that I am greedy
'Cause I'm takin' from the needy
But I'm helping, yes indeedy
By taking what they don't spend
And using it to lend
I'm helping the economy
With my rugged autonomy
It trickles down to the lowest
Whose income grows the slowest
And becomes their weekly earnings
To satisfy their material yearnings
Which goes right back to the top
So you see, you cannot stop
That wonder of wonders
That plunder of plunders
That's distinct as crushing thunder...
Can you hear me, Jim Moffitt
That lovely,crying mistress
That wonderwoman, profit!
Jim:
But what do I get out of it?
Mr. Smith:
A key-ring.
Mr. Smith hands him a key ring.
There, that's your Christmas bonus.
Mr Smith leaves the room
End Act One