NationStates Jolt Archive

Has anyone every wondered what effects divorces have on children? I mean, we here about the man's side and the woman's side. What about the most vulnerable side? What about the children, who often have no idea what is going on? Is their side ever taken into account? Don't they matter? After all, is divorce ever good for anyone? Don't bring up abusive relationships because ending those is choosing the lesser evil over the greater evil. I think that one episode of the Simpsons was right. Marriage has become a three-year commitment. If we, as a society, show more compassion for the most dangerous over the most vulnerable(young children and very old people), then what does that say about our society?

Has anyone every wondered what effects divorces have on children? I mean, we here about the man's side and the woman's side. What about the most vulnerable side? What about the children, who often have no idea what is going on? Is their side ever taken into account? Don't they matter? After all, is divorce ever good for anyone? Don't bring up abusive relationships because ending those is choosing the lesser evil over the greater evil. I think that one episode of the Simpsons was right. Marriage has become a three-year commitment. If we, as a society, show more compassion for the most dangerous over the most vulnerable(young children and very old people), then what does that say about our society?

Interesting topic, I went to school this weekend to make about a billion copies from reserves (darn teachers) and someone next to me in line had about 12 books, and was discussing with the rather hot library girl a project where she was trying to make a correlation between divorce of the parents and the likelihood the children would end up in prison. I would like to see the results of that study....

I think it's worse to bring a child up in a relationship where no apparent love for each other is shown. You cant stay together for the sake of a child. The child will suffer more if they live with two parents who fuss and fight all the time. Nothing wrong with a child growing up with divorced parents. Mine divorced when I was two. I think I learned many things by being in that situation. I am also divorced from my daughter's father. We are much better parents apart than we were together. She is well adjusted, polite, happy, healthy and smart. She doesnt suffer.

Has anyone every wondered what effects divorces have on children? I mean, we here about the man's side and the woman's side. What about the most vulnerable side? What about the children, who often have no idea what is going on? Is their side ever taken into account? Don't they matter? After all, is divorce ever good for anyone? Don't bring up abusive relationships because ending those is choosing the lesser evil over the greater evil. I think that one episode of the Simpsons was right. Marriage has become a three-year commitment. If we, as a society, show more compassion for the most dangerous over the most vulnerable(young children and very old people), then what does that say about our society?

My parents got a divorce *twitch* and I've seen *chuckle* no ill afects.
But seriously Avika is right.

Most studies have shown that the major factor in the socialization of the child is not the divorce itself, but whether the divorce leads to impoverishment of the parent who has custody. So long as children are still fed and clothed properly, there is no statistically significant difference in mental health between those children whose parents stayed married and those who didn't.

I'm quite fine thank you very much for finally asking.

I just get annoyed when they try and drag me into the divorce process, but other than that, it doesn't bug me a bit. You'd never know that my parents were in the middle of a divorce!

Divorce certainly is a learning experience, and every child takes it differently. I'm actually thankful that my parents divorced so long ago, as it was a constant shouting match before the split. I was five at the time. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say it can turn around in the child's favor, benefiting their development as individuals. There is less of a foundation in which to ground them, so they are more inclined to and sometimes forced to find one for themselves. This can lead down a very dark road, or to one bursting with excitement away from the ordinary. With me, it caused a vast shift towards introspection, logic, books, and for a long time social ineptness. I was different, and had to grow up faster.

My parents divorced when i was ten and my brother was 8. Yes, we were sad when it first happened, but we adjusted just fine. My mom re-married when i was 12 and i love my step-dad, and my step-siblings. My mom and dad are friends now and get along just fine. He lives in Vancouver though so they don't see eachother much, he sends her a gift every Christmas though. Neither one of us have become criminals or commitment phobic or anything of the sort. My brother is living with the girlfriend he has been with for what will be nine years in October.

I do think that some people give up too easily, you should at least try to work things out before you just end them, but if you try and realize you can't, i have no problem with getting a divorce. I agree that children are better off in a happy home, than one where their parents are fighting all the time.

Most studies have shown that the major factor in the socialization of the child is not the divorce itself, but whether the divorce leads to impoverishment of the parent who has custody. So long as children are still fed and clothed properly, there is no statistically significant difference in mental health between those children whose parents stayed married and those who didn't.

I agree. And not only the impoverishment factor, but if the divorce leads a parent/parents to an emotional state of apathy, then the quality of care the child receives can be affected greatly. If the mother/father is so depressed after the divorce that he/she stays locked in her room and never gives the child attention or supervision, then the child can grow up to basically fend for themelves. An apathetic depressed parent doest usually give the child the level of guidance and support that they would under different emotional circumstances. Thus the child suffers and the potential for them to get in trouble can increase.

Its not a black and white subject. There are many situations,scenarios,possibilities. It's hard to just say "children of divorced parents are more likely to do this or that". I know people who had zero supervision, grew up in the poorest of poor neighborhoods, and they grew up to be wonderful, kind, caring people who havent even had a parking ticket.

... Don't bring up abusive relationships because ending those is choosing the lesser evil over the greater evil.

Divorce is worse than beatings, sexual abuse or murder? You're insane.

My mother divorced my father when I was 11 and I've thanked her for it every day. It's the best decision she ever made.

My parents divorced when I was two. I dont remember much about their relationship and how rocky it was. However, while I have odd eccentricities I find that I am often MORE rational and less prone to crime then my friends. Whether this is related to the divorce I have no idea, but i think because it was from an early age I was able to both cope and learn because I hadnt really known better yet.

However, I have a friend whos parents want to file a divorce now, and he is scared as hell. He wants his parents to stay together and has NO idea what he'd do if they split.

I think how the divorce affects the person depends on a mixture of the temperment of the child, the conditions of the divorce, and when it happens. The longer you are used to a thing, the harder it is to cope with change.

So as I said, me being a mellow person, coupled with the fact that it happened before I could truly process it, means that I turned out pretty well (just slightly quirky (which Id like to think adds charm;) )). But if your not someone who copes to change and it happens later, there is a very good possibility of snapping, and having things turn out badly for you.

Meh ... I believe a marriage license should have to be renewed like any other license. I have no problem with divorce. It happens. So what?

The more people try to protect children from reality, the harder they will have it when they have no choice but to face it. That is unless you want your kid living with you until you die.

The more people try to protect children from reality, the harder they will have it when they have no choice but to face it. That is unless you want your kid living with you until you die.

I agree with this statement in its entirety.

Just scanned these, it was the title that really attracted me. I really hope that this was a foreigner as the OP (not British) otherwise you would know that the family courts here are a fuckng joke. I pay god knows how much money (about 25% of my wage ) and still get a paltry weekend every 3 weeks from the generous souls at social service. The bastards.

Divorce is worse than beatings, sexual abuse or murder? You're insane.
I never said that. I meant that, while divorce is bad, it might be less horrible than the alternative. It's like sawing off your infected legs so you'll live. sawing them off is the divorce. The legs are infected. They'll hurt you more than the amputation. That doesn't mean that life in a wheelchair is life in a fabulous mansion. It's the lesser of the two evils. Quit twisting my words.