NationStates Jolt Archive

A Jewish man falls in love with a Native American woman and they decide to get married.

When his mother hears the news, however, she is extremely distressed because she wanted him, of course, to marry a nice Jewish girl. When she hears that not only is he marrying this Native American girl but has decided to live with her on the reservation, the mother becomes so upset that she refuses to even speak to the boy, practically disowning him.

After a year, the son telephones the mother to tell her that he and his wife are expecting a child. The mother is happy for him, but there is still quite a bit of tension in the air.

Nine months later, the son calls the mother again.
"Mom," he says, I just wanted you to know that last night my wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

I also wanted to tell you that we've talked it over and we have decided to give the boy a Jewish name."

Upon hearing this, the mother is overjoyed. "Oh, son, this is wonderful," she gushes. "I've been waiting for this moment all my life. You have made me the happiest woman in the world."

"That's great, Mom," replies the son.

"And what," asks the mother, "is the baby's name?"

The son proudly replies, "Smoked Whitefish" :D

---------------------------

L'Chiam! :D

I didn't get it :(

I didn't get it :(
I started laughing, then I realized that I too do not understand the joke.

:p

Heh...

Smoked Whitefish is an appetizer for the Jewish Passover, even though it was structured like a Native American name.

Heh...

Heh...

Smoked Whitefish is an appetizer for the Jewish Passover, even though it was structured like a Native American name.

Heh...

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! Heh, Heh, Heh.

What is an appetizer?

Now I get it.

Silly jewish mother.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! Heh, Heh, Heh.

What is an appetizer?

Basically it's a popular, Kosher, Jewish food.

*hopes to God you are kidding*

Now we've got a scout sidekick for Adam Goldberg's "Hebrew Hammer" character.

GEFILTE FISH STORY by LAWRENCE SHERRY

Many times I have been upset by people who seem to think that gefilte fish issome kind of mixture you make in the kitchen rather than one of Hashem's creatures. This has led me to explain exactly what a gefilte fish is. So once again, here goes.

Each year as soon as the frost on the Great Gefilte Lakes (located Upstate New York somewhere in the Catskill Mountains) is thin enough to break the surface, Frum fishermen set out to "catch" gefilte fish. Now unlike your normal fish, gefilte fish cannot be caught with a rod and a reel or your standard bait. The art of catching gefilte fish was handed down for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. For all I know Moses used to go gefilte fish catching. I'm sure that the Great Rambam (Maimonides) when he wasn't busy playing doctor, spent his leisure time G/F fishing. Enough already, you say, so how is it done? Well you go up to the edge of lake with some Matzoh. Now this is very important!! It has to be Shmurah Matzoh or the fish will not be attracted. You stand at the edge of the lake and whistle and say "here boy," "here boy." The fish just can't resist the smell of the Matzoh. They come en masse to the edge of the lake where they jump into the jars and are bottled on the spot.

Again you must remember that there are two kinds of gefilte fish. The strong and the weak. The weak are your standard fish which are in a loose "broth" (it is actually the lake water). Now the strong are special. They seem to be in a "jell". These fish are actually imported from the Middle East where they are caught in the Dead Sea. They have to be strong to be able to swim through that "jell".

Last year, a well meaning gentleman tried to correct me by stating, "Reb, shouldn't they be saying 'Here Boychic!'" I didn't have the heart to tell him, Boychic is a Yiddish word and Gefilte Fish don't understand Yiddish! Only Hebrew and surprisingly, English! There has been a big debate as to whether to use the Hebrew or English in the US. With a big break from tradition, shockingly the English is accepted by almost all G/F fishermen. Some still insist on using the Hebrew and consider the use of "Here Boy" as Reform and not Halachicly acceptable. However the Congress of OU Rabbis (who have to be present at the lakes when the fish are bottled) uniformly accept "here boy"!

The time of the catch is very important! The fish cannot be caught before Purim is over or the fish are considered Chametz! Besides, the fish know when Pesach is coming and will not respond to the Matzoh before the proper time. I am still a little bothered by which end of the fish is the head and which the tail (not to mention that I am not sure where their eyes are). This is a small price to pay for the luxury of eating this delicacy.

Have you ever had the baby G/F? Oy, they are so cute that I feel a little guilty eating them! Have a great Pesach and hope that the Matzoh doesn't affect you like Pepto Bismol or worse yet, prunes!

-----------------------

Oy Vey! :p

-----------------------

Edit: I don't know what he's talking about... Matzoh is the opposite of prunes. Matzoh is cement. I know a Rabbi who eats Matzoh religiously (no pun intended) and he hasn't shit since 1968.... :eek:

The son proudly replies, "Smoked Whitefish" :D

---------------------------

L'Chiam! :D
Great punchline. Though I hate the stuff.

GEFILTE FISH STORY by LAWRENCE SHERRY

Many times I have been upset by people who seem to think that gefilte fish issome kind of mixture you make in the kitchen rather than one of Hashem's creatures. This has led me to explain exactly what a gefilte fish is. So once again, here goes.

Each year as soon as the frost on the Great Gefilte Lakes (located Upstate New York somewhere in the Catskill Mountains) is thin enough to break the surface, Frum fishermen set out to "catch" gefilte fish. Now unlike your normal fish, gefilte fish cannot be caught with a rod and a reel or your standard bait. The art of catching gefilte fish was handed down for hundreds, maybe thousands of years. For all I know Moses used to go gefilte fish catching. I'm sure that the Great Rambam (Maimonides) when he wasn't busy playing doctor, spent his leisure time G/F fishing. Enough already, you say, so how is it done? Well you go up to the edge of lake with some Matzoh. Now this is very important!! It has to be Shmurah Matzoh or the fish will not be attracted. You stand at the edge of the lake and whistle and say "here boy," "here boy." The fish just can't resist the smell of the Matzoh. They come en masse to the edge of the lake where they jump into the jars and are bottled on the spot.

Again you must remember that there are two kinds of gefilte fish. The strong and the weak. The weak are your standard fish which are in a loose "broth" (it is actually the lake water). Now the strong are special. They seem to be in a "jell". These fish are actually imported from the Middle East where they are caught in the Dead Sea. They have to be strong to be able to swim through that "jell".

Last year, a well meaning gentleman tried to correct me by stating, "Reb, shouldn't they be saying 'Here Boychic!'" I didn't have the heart to tell him, Boychic is a Yiddish word and Gefilte Fish don't understand Yiddish! Only Hebrew and surprisingly, English! There has been a big debate as to whether to use the Hebrew or English in the US. With a big break from tradition, shockingly the English is accepted by almost all G/F fishermen. Some still insist on using the Hebrew and consider the use of "Here Boy" as Reform and not Halachicly acceptable. However the Congress of OU Rabbis (who have to be present at the lakes when the fish are bottled) uniformly accept "here boy"!

The time of the catch is very important! The fish cannot be caught before Purim is over or the fish are considered Chametz! Besides, the fish know when Pesach is coming and will not respond to the Matzoh before the proper time. I am still a little bothered by which end of the fish is the head and which the tail (not to mention that I am not sure where their eyes are). This is a small price to pay for the luxury of eating this delicacy.

Have you ever had the baby G/F? Oy, they are so cute that I feel a little guilty eating them! Have a great Pesach and hope that the Matzoh doesn't affect you like Pepto Bismol or worse yet, prunes!

-----------------------

Oy Vey! :p


:confused:
There is so much of that that just looks like gibberish to me. I assume it's yiddish.

:confused:
There is so much of that that just looks like gibberish to me. I assume it's yiddish.

It's funny if you read it. :D

lol...there are those that say NA are the lost tribes of Israel, so what is the mom so unhappy about. It could have been worse.

GEFILTE FISH STORY by LAWRENCE SHERRY
- snip -
Oy vey, indeed. :D

I got the joke. I just didn't laugh.

I got the joke. I just didn't laugh.
Not even in the inside?

lol...there are those that say NA are the lost tribes of Israel, so what is the mom so unhappy about. It could have been worse.
Mormons don't count... unless you are Mormon...:p

Not even in the inside?

You assume I have an inside.

You assume I have an inside.
Fass, sweetie, you are so one dimentional you are a Kline Bottle. :rolleyes:

;)

Fass, sweetie, you are so one dimentional you are a Kline Bottle. :rolleyes:

That was a random math geek reference. Lucky for you I took advanced math. Not that I remember anything, or got any use for it.

That was a random math geek reference. Lucky for you I took advanced math. Not that I remember anything, or got any use for it.
And I'm not even a Math Geek. Go Figure. :p (But I do like Elementary Topology..... :D )

HAHAHAHA

I guess that's what will happen when my Jewish sister marries her Native American boyfriend (no kidding!).

One day I got on the bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl. I sat beside her.

I said, 'Hi', And she said, 'Hi', and then I said, 'Nice day, isn't it?'.

And she said, 'I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem.'

So I asked, 'What's the problem?' She replied, 'I can't tell you. I don't even know you.'

I said, 'Well, sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect stranger on a bus.'

So she said, 'Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys... By the way, my name is Denise.'

I said, 'Hello, Denise. My name is Bucky Goldstein.'.

-Steven Wright

Hahaha.

Excellent

What's a Jewish person's biggst dillemma? Free pork.


I went too far didn't I... awww:(

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! Heh, Heh, Heh.

What is an appetizer?
Funniest thing in the thread.

Ahaha .... funny.

This, however:

What's a Jewish person's biggst dillemma? Free pork.

Not funny at all.

Ahaha .... funny.

This, however:



Not funny at all.

I thought it was pretty funny, actually.

Since we are telling ethnic/racial jokes I thought I'd tell this one.



Why are black people so tall?

---------------------------

Because their negros.

Funniest thing in the thread.
Seconded.

lol...there are those that say NA are the lost tribes of Israel, so what is the mom so unhappy about. It could have been worse.
Quite right. She could have wasted 2 minutes of her life reading a crap joke posted on an internet forum.

Seconded.

Thirded. Third. Tertiary.

It's not funny, but atleast it isn't an insult.

It's not funny, but at least it isn't an insult.
except to the Native Americans, of course. But they don't matter, do they?

What's a Jewish person's biggst dillemma? Free pork.
No dillema at all.

As any New York Jew knows, MuShu Pork is exempt from all Kosher rules.

Take the Free Pork, give it to your Chinese Friend (or take out shop) and you are absolved of any violation - no matter how much you eat. :p

No dillema at all.

As any New York Jew knows, MuShu Pork is exempt from all Kosher rules.

Take the Free Pork, give it to your Chinese Friend (or take out shop) and you are absolved of any violation - no matter how much you eat. :p

Ah, I shall remember that. See, who says we don't learn anything on NS?

Ah, I shall remember that. See, who says we don't learn anything on NS?
As far as I know, this "rule" applies to East Coast and Chicago Jews. Can't say what Left Coast or Cajun/Texan Jews do - though I expect there is dispensation for shrimp if it is in Gumbo. :p

Syniks - your local Goy who has spent more time in Synagogue than most Secular Jews... :eek: :D