NationStates Jolt Archive


UN Arrests Ohio Family On Genocide Charges

New Foxxinnia
17-03-2006, 05:28
Mansfield, OH- The small Ohio town of Manfield, Ohio was shocked earlier today when the 5-member Miller family's home was sieged by Cleveland SWAT team members in cooperation with the US government and the United Nations. They will be tried on genocide charges concerning their mass killings of the 3 major ant ethnic-groups which inhabit their 2-acre residence on the out skirts of town.

"We are very pleased that this genocide has finally ended," announced President Bush said in a conference. "I am appalled that such activities has been going on within our borders for so long. This will send a message that you will be stopped for committing genocide inside America's borders, or anywhere in the world."

The three ant ethnic groups that were being brutally gassed, stomped, and poisoned were the Unsiters, a black ant group that received most of the brunt of the family’s attacks because they were mainly based inside the two-story, 4 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath ranch house. It is estimated nearly 70% of this group were killed. The second groups, the Hutticks, were a black ant group which primarily resided in the Miller's garden. They also were quite harmed with nearly 55% wiped out. The last group was a colony of red ants called the Ruriries. The lived along and under the concrete patio on the back of the house. Their casualties exist in the 40% range.

The family includes the father Albert Miller, 45, 'Chemical Al', the mother Jodie Miller, 46, 'Jodie the Shrucher', the eldest son Jacob Miller, 16, 'The Trapper', the daughter Susan Miller, 13, 'Susan the Temptrest', and the youngest son Jeremy Miller, 7, 'The Tyrant'.

The father was responsible for the purchasing of the poisons and traps that would kill the ants around their home. He would also be the one that would normally spray the deadly toxin on unsuspecting ant trails killing hundreds in large sweeps. The mother was brutal in that see would smash, flick, and vacuum up the ants. These methods of killing are concerned the most painful for the ants, luckily her skills did not result in as large scale deaths as the others. The eldest son would set up poison traps for the ants. The poison was disguised as sugar and placed in a small green and black structure. The ants would bring it back and give it to others resulting in large scale death. He also would drop small, explosive firecrackers into Huttick ant holes. They would cause large damage to the colony's tunnel system and would often trap some ants deep underground with little orientation causing them to eventually suffocate. The daughter would leave food scraps around her room luring the Unsiters into her room. Then she would spray them with the toxic fumes. The youngest son would commit acts involving knocking over the ant hills, running over ant lines with his 'Big Wheel', and pouring as much as a gallon at a time of water onto ant lines causing the ants at the front to lose the scent of the way back to the colony.

The group was found out after a store trip to Home Depot reveled the family's insidious plans. "On March 9th, Mr. Miller came to the store check out like any other person, but I noticed on strange item," Billy Fulton, the checkout cashier, told The Foxxinnian, "It was ant poison. After he left I called the police."

The Mansfield Police knew a case of this size was truly out of their jurisdiction. Soon the UN had been contacted.

Dion Parot a UN spokesperson said: "We became aware of the situation on the 11th and by the next day we had observers around the home watching from safe distance." He continued, "By the 14th we decided he had to do something and by the 15th day of March everything was in place."

At 3:00 AM on March 16th a 12 man Cleveland PD SWAT team raided the home. "Not a single shot had to be fired during the raid and no one was injured." Dion Parot announced happily, "And no ants were held hostage by the family in a last ditch effort." It is being reported that only Albert Miller put up any resistance, but only with screams of, "What the hell is going on?"

The lot is now under protection by the United States National Guard in case the Miller family had any possible allies in the genocide, which is said to be 'somewhat unlikely' concerning none were ever sighted during observation.

The international community was pleased with the UN’s quick actions, especially after the tragedy that was the Rwandan genocide where the UN’s peacekeeping troops were unable to stop the genocide before nearly a million people were massacred.

The Miller family is currently in The Hague where they will be tried for genocide.
M3rcenaries
17-03-2006, 05:33
I read a few paragraphs thoroughly confused what they ment by "ant" groups until I saw that the killed some by the sidewalk.
Gartref
17-03-2006, 05:34
I thought it was all a bit anty climactic.
Colodia
17-03-2006, 05:37
They're coming!

*tosses his Raid cans in a random fire and flees to Holland*
The South Islands
17-03-2006, 05:40
There was no ant genocide. It's all made up by the insects to advance their agenda...

Beware!
The Most High Bob Dole
17-03-2006, 05:43
Thank God we have a strong president who will ensure that these dispicable criminals get what they deserve.
And what would we do if the UN were ever to become corrupt, inefficient, and completely useless.
The world would probably descend into anarchy as villians such as these began to roam the streets freely, corrupting the innocent youth.
New Granada
17-03-2006, 05:53
I get antsy about these kind of anti-UN antics.

I have an aunt, lives in the south, in a big antebellum house, who never shuts up about how the UN is "antithetical to liberty." She wants to exile kofi annan to antarctica.
Iztatepopotla
17-03-2006, 05:55
They were red ants. They were all communist ants, working in a collective. They threatened freedom and had to be preemptively attacked.
Non Aligned States
17-03-2006, 06:07
They were red ants. They were all communist ants, working in a collective. They threatened freedom and had to be preemptively attacked.

But what about the black ants?
Iztatepopotla
17-03-2006, 06:10
But what about the black ants?
Collateral damage.
The South Islands
17-03-2006, 06:12
But what about the black ants?

Their noble sacrifice in the fight against communism shall not be in vain...
Kyronea
17-03-2006, 06:20
THIS is my answer: http://www.digital-breakdown.com/img/sweatdrop3mc.gif
Stone Bridges
17-03-2006, 07:33
This is a joke right? :confused:
Gartref
17-03-2006, 07:44
This is a joke right? :confused:

Ant-Lover!!!
Lunatic Goofballs
17-03-2006, 12:31
They have no evidence! They have searched Ohio top to bottom and they have found no weapons of mass ant destruction and no mass ant graves. So they have found a few supervised ant colonies. They're farms, not prisons! The ants are very well treated. Reports of shakings are exaggerated and staff responsible for isolated shaking incidents will be reprimanded.
Gartref
17-03-2006, 12:34
They have no evidence! They have searched Ohio top to bottom and they have found no weapons of mass ant destruction and no mass ant graves. So they have found a few supervised ant colonies. They're farms, not prisons! The ants are very well treated. Reports of shakings are exaggerated and staff responsible for isolated shaking incidents will be reprimanded.

They moved all the magnifying glasses to Syria before the inspectors got there.
Lunatic Goofballs
17-03-2006, 12:36
They moved all the magnifying glasses to Syria before the inspectors got there.

Those were harmless monocles. :p
Gartref
17-03-2006, 12:38
Those were harmless monocles. :p

What about the cache of delicious yellow-cake the ants were seen carrying off from that picnic?
Lunatic Goofballs
17-03-2006, 12:40
What about the cache of delicious yellow-cake the ants were seen carrying off from that picnic?

Exactly! Those ants were up to something!
Jeruselem
17-03-2006, 13:43
So what about those evil Al Quaida ants?
Zero Six Three
17-03-2006, 13:47
So what about those evil Al Quaida ants?
The threat posed by these ants is tiny It's nothing more than hype and political fear-mongering intended to futher some red-neck neocon agenda! Also, god doesn't exist.
Jeruselem
17-03-2006, 13:52
The threat posed by these ants is tiny It's nothing more than hype and political fear-mongering intended to futher some red-neck neocon agenda! Also, god doesn't exist.

Still, you don't want nest of Al Quaida ants on your head. They'll just explode on you.
Quaon
17-03-2006, 13:53
Please tell me this is a joke...otherwise, our president officially is mentally ill.