NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

I only know you from what you write on here, but I'd have to say that based on that alone you are an intelligent, thoughtful and sensitive contribution to society.

If you can convince someone of your value with writing and discussion alone, I'd have to say you're certainly not worthless.

It could be worse. You could be the final member in a reformed Spice Girls group.

Ignore what that other person said. You do suck.:)

Well, from what I know of you, I think you're pretty cool :)

Firstly, you probably aren't. Secondly, how many people truly make a difference to the world as a whole? 1 in a hundred or less? Probably.

However, if you are ballast, which, incidentally, from having read you posts, you do not strike me as, you are alive.Enjoy it.:)

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

So you're Bjork or did I just misenterpret what you said?

I'm not looking for compliments, but thanks anyway.

Only, all you know of me is my online personality. I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.
Oh, do grow up, dude. I know nothing of you, but life is to be enjoyed! Don't dwell on what you can't do: focus on what you can, and improve yourself. Oh, and grow your hair long. I find that long hair makes everything feel better.

So you're Bjork or did I just misenterpret what you said?

Bjork is great at bad fashion, though.

Anywho.

I'm sure you're not all that bad, Cabra. Perhaps you just have an awful self image.

At least I think you're a good person.

I'm not looking for compliments, but thanks anyway.

Only, all you know of me is my online personality. I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

Aren't we all. But seriously, consider what you do have for a moment, and, whilst it may not be what you want, it is something.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

I wouldn't worry about being balast for the planet. Your gravitational significance in relation to the planet is most likely nil.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.
:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

why are the fluffles no longer in the smilies listing?

I'm not looking for compliments, but thanks anyway.

Only, all you know of me is my online personality. I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

That's the internet for you, but still your online personality reflects something no matter how small about you, and I don't see anything bad comming from yours so buck up, do something you enjoy, and relax.

Just get laid dude and everything will be alright.

If this is any help to you...
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious
we can't help our unconscious reactions and if you realise your faults in that then you can't be such a bad person
I can't keep up relationships
it's one of the hardest things to do in life.

Just get laid dude and everything will be alright.

i like this idea, and i believe it works pretty well...

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

why are the fluffles no longer in the smilies listing?

Its a conspiracy. I just know it.


Cabra...you have got to get out of this rut. You are always downing yourself. Lots of people here think youre a terrific person. If you are different in real life, then it cant be by much. Are you surrounding yourself with people who could possibly be bringing you down? If so, ditch them and find others who will embrace you and uplift you. It saddens me to see you so down all the time. I really wish I wsa closer geographically because I'd come whisk you away for a nice "break".

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

If you don't like the habits that you've taken up, then why do you not break them?

I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.

I am sorry that you feel that way. Surely you can find something you don't suck at.....like spelling, I always admired your spelling ability (oh and you are intelligent, and caring, and nice to people who aren't idiots, and you have interesting posts, and you know you are well liked around here which isn't easy for someone with opinions........) but, yeah, you do have to find one thing you don't suck at.......

I'm not looking for compliments, but thanks anyway.

Only, all you know of me is my online personality. I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

Bah, none of us are the same in real life. Everyone had their faults, and you shouldn't feel worthless just because you're focusing on them.

Besides, at least you realize you have faults. That makes you worth more than the sum total of every arrogant prick I've ever met that thinks they can do no wrong.

Just get laid dude and everything will be alright.

I know. Only that's not that simple.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

not another suicide emo thread :rolleyes:

not another suicide emo thread :rolleyes:


oh hush mr 344 posts. She isnt emo, she's just down.

Oh, do grow up, dude. I know nothing of you, but life is to be enjoyed! Don't dwell on what you can't do: focus on what you can, and improve yourself. Oh, and grow your hair long. I find that long hair makes everything feel better.

She is not a "dude", she looks fabulous with long hair, and telling a woman to grow up is probably not what she wants to hear. So, Grow Up "Dude"

Anyways, as far as I'm concerned you are that spunky red head that everyone on here seems to know and love but in the end of things none of us really contribute anything.

We have all lied, we have all been jealous about something (whether we were 5 and our neighbor wanted that barbie doll we wanted, or we were 55 and wanted our neighbors spouse), and in case you haven't noticed by all the girlfriend, boyfriend "help me" threads all of us need help with relationships because none of us do them perfectly.

So, I'm a worthless balast also, but I'm going to slightly enjoy being a worthless watered down carbon sack, and irregardless of your self-image, you should join in with me on slightly enjoying being a watered down carbon sack.

I know. Only that's not that simple.

But it's only a plane ticket to Vegas away. :D

Its a conspiracy. I just know it.


Cabra...you have got to get out of this rut. You are always downing yourself. Lots of people here think youre a terrific person. If you are different in real life, then it cant be by much. Are you surrounding yourself with people who could possibly be bringing you down? If so, ditch them and find others who will embrace you and uplift you. It saddens me to see you so down all the time. I really wish I wsa closer geographically because I'd come whisk you away for a nice "break".

It's not that easy... I wish it was.
Yes, I am in a relationship that's not been doing me good in the past month (almost exactly a month). I'm in no way ready to end it, neither willing nor able. And I seem to be unable to change it for the better again, either.
Essentially, I'm a loser. Although one with opinions and good spelling, it seems ;)

I'm not worth shit...

That's not true. I'll bet you're value meets or even exceeds the worth of shit. Unless of course, it's really really good shit.

oh hush mr 344 posts. She isnt emo, she's just down.

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. i'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. now, they've got something to complain about.

But it's only a plane ticket to Vegas away. :D

Not Vegas. Bochum.... :(

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. i'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. now, they've got something to complain about.

Makes me even more worthless, I gues..

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. i'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. now, they've got something to complain about.
Frankly, if I was depressed, taking a minute to consider the condition of people in Sudan would do little to alieviate the problem.

Makes me even more worthless, I gues..

i'm not saying you're worthless. just get your shit together, and things will turn out fine. get some friends and hang out or something.

or drugs, whatever, floats your boat.

I know. Only that's not that simple.
Go to a club. Get some random hot person drunk. Take them home and lay them. Problem solved.

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. i'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. now, they've got something to complain about.

Firstly, why? why do this? Mr. Macho may well lack any sentiment whatsoevr, and consider problems superflouos, however other people do not. If we work on the principle that if others are worse off we have no right to complain then one person is empowered to complain upon the entire planet.

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. i'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. now, they've got something to complain about.


Thats true...there are far worse people in the world than most of us. But you being smarty pants isnt contributing anything positive. If it bothers you so much, why do you bother to post or read what she has to say?

its beeotch....not byatch, you goober.

I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

well if you weren't, we'd really be scared!

j/k, j/k, j/k :D


no, really, cheer up. you aren't being called emo. . . .
yet :p


life = happiness :)

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

All I can say is "get confident!" You are at least supporting yourself financially, and you're funny, talented at art and are probably good at sex. You have an imagination.

But yeah, seriously stop being afraid to change anything. Tell yourself that you are worth something. You are worth defending. Change things. Don't believe that what you have is as good as you are ever going to have it, because chances are, that's not the case.

Frankly, if I was depressed, taking a minute to consider the condition of people in Sudan would do little to alieviate the problem.

the point that i was trying to make is that things aren't as bad as they may seem. many people in this world have it much, much worse.

*hugs* There's a lot of people on this board who would disagree with you Cabra. Yeah, you might be different in real life, but you're still loved and respected here. People value what you have to say, and you generally help make this place brighter when you come online and post.

What else could you want?

Now it's 346 posts, b*tch.

Doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever, people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. I'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. Now, they've got something to complain about.

*edited for simple sentence structure*

Right, so unless you don't have clothing or food you don't deserve respect when your life isn't going well. I'm so sure you've never complained about your problems unless you were starving or naked...



i'm not saying you're worthless. just get your shit together, and things will turn out fine. get some friends and hang out or something. -snip-

or drugs, whatever, floats your boat.

And she already told us how she was feeling about her friends, although please encourage her to go waste money so she can have a temporary high.

Frankly, if I was depressed, taking a minute to consider the condition of people in Sudan would do little to alieviate the problem.

I disagree...

In moments of adversity
When life's a total wreck
I think of those
Worse off than me
And really feel like heck.

Makes me even more worthless, I gues..
you don't really care what he says do you?

come on.....really?

I was kidding about the spelling (I mean it is really good, but that's not your only reedeming quality)

the truth is that we all suck. Everyone is hopelessly flawed, believe me I have more flaws then I can list. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has sucky days (weeks, months, years even decades) and we all need to step back sometimes and figure out that none of that stuff really matters. So, you have been having a bad time, it can't last forever, maybe you have been through the worst of it for a while. If not at least it can't get much worse right?

I would suggest what I do when I have these days I write down everything I hate about myself, then I put it in catagories, things I can change, things I can't change.

whatever is in the things I can change catagory I try to come up with ways to fix that, things I can't get torn up into little peices and burned.
;)

All I can say is "get confident!" You are at least supporting yourself financially, and you're funny, talented at art and are probably good at sex. You have an imagination.

But yeah, seriously stop being afraid to change anything. Tell yourself that you are worth something. You are worth defending. Change things. Don't believe that what you have is as good as you are ever going to have it, because chances are, that's not the case.

Thing is, what I have - this person, this relationship - is my safety-rope. And I'm about to lose my balance without knowing if it will hold this time. It seems to be disintegrating...

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me. i'm not saying that no one has serious problems, but look at countries like Sudan, where people are starving and have no clothes on their backs. now, they've got something to complain about.
yes, the sudan is bad....but why would you debase someone who already feels like shit? Not to mention there might be (actually, I can promise there is) more to it than anything cabra has mentioned to anyone here. So unless you have the full story, then kindly cram it.
Oh, and no one ever "deserves" respect.

Cabra, if nothing else, we all love ya. TG me if you have the urge.

the point that i was trying to make is that things aren't as bad as they may seem. many people in this world have it much, much worse.
Yes, it's terrible, but it would do nothing to change the situation I would be in. I would still have the same problems that made things bad in the first place etc.

They may be worse off, and yes everything should be done to help them, but that would be of little relevance to my problems, really.

Firstly, why? why do this? Mr. Macho may well lack any sentiment whatsoevr, and consider problems superflouos, however other people do not. If we work on the principle that if others are worse off we have no right to complain then one person is empowered to complain upon the entire planet.

i'm not saying that no one has problems. what i'm saying is that sitting in front of a computer complaining about them won't change the fact that you (not you specifically, unless you're the OP and you're currently reading this, in which case, you) will still have those problems.

its beeotch....not byatch, you goober.

what the hey's a goober? on this side of the pond, we pronounce it byatch.

Bah, none of us are the same in real life.
I am, more or less.

you don't really care what he says do you?

come on.....really?

Not really. It's just nice to know that you'll always find at least one person who agrees with you on this forum.


So, you have been having a bad time, it can't last forever, maybe you have been through the worst of it for a while.

:fluffle: I hope so. So much...


If not at least it can't get much worse right?

It can. Seriously. A lot worse. And I don't want to go through that again...

On a side note, that fluffle emoticon is used far too often, in many cases where it does not truly fit. I offer this as an alternative:

http://www.digital-breakdown.com/img/i_love_YOU_by_Locks_Gurl.gif

*hugs* There's a lot of people on this board who would disagree with you Cabra. Yeah, you might be different in real life, but you're still loved and respected here. People value what you have to say, and you generally help make this place brighter when you come online and post.

What else could you want?

*hugs back...

Do you know how it's always the one thing you can't have that you miss the most?

Go to a club. Get some random hot person drunk. Take them home and lay them. Problem solved.

I tend to be a bit more specific about who I lay... and therein lies one of the problems...

I tend to be a bit more specific about who I lay... and therein lies one of the problems...
So do I. I myself would NEVER follow that advice. I was merely attempting to show you that problems are more easily solved than one might think. The key is not to dwell on them. Trust me. I know.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.
Then why do I love you? ( Smile )

I suspect I hear your father (?) talking. Stop that.

did you try to TG me? for some reason it said I had a new one a second ago, but now says that I dont...:confused:

Well, don't feel bad, Cabra West. I'm also worthless and I'm sure a lot of people are. Just remember: it's not your fault. It's just bad luck.

Why does being worthless depress you? Revel in it. It can be quite liberating.

If life be rough with you, be rough with life;
Prick life for pricking, and you beat life down.

Just some misquoted Shakespeare that I thought might relevant (I remembered it wrong... Shush - 2 out of 4 letters ain't bad).

On a side note, you can't be any worse than Romeo. If you think you've let your friend down, well at least they didn't get their mortal hurt on your behalf. Romeo - what a self-obsessed, fickle paedophile.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.
you know i used to feel pretty much the exact same way.

the only thing i can say is that things change. even if you don't change, sutuations, relationships... everything changes over time. in time, things will get better. in time perhaps you will suit your situation more (if that makes sense)... or in time you can change yourself if you so want.

personally, i like you CW just the way you are :)
you're dirty, funny, witty, intelligent, strong willed and open minded, not to mention kind, supporting, caring and creative :fluffle:
i think you're worth at least shit... in fact, a whole lot more than shit too! i may not know you 'for real', but i think you're worth a whole lot, that you certainly don't suck at everything, and that you are a fantastic lady :)




its interesting that i've been thinking a lot about the issue of change tonight. changing yourself all boils down to the big "WB" - why bother? you may be miserable right now but put in effort and.... well, is there any gaurentee things will be better? if not, that effort could be totally to waste... so why bother?
its a question i really am posing because i can't think of a straight answer. i suppose if you want to change something about yourself, then achieving that change is its own virtue, but that just doesn't sit well with me. i, personally, want to lose weight - badly - but then comes the ol' WB and any motivation i have from hating the way i look disappears out the window.

bah, i'm not gonna turn this thread around to be about me. sorry.
i might make my own thread about how to motivate yourself to do that sort of thing at some point.

now it's 346 posts, byatch.

doesn't matter whether she's emo, or whatever. people who complain about how crappy their lives are deserve no respect from me.


Tell ya what. We'll give you the same level of respect. It's incredibly immature to kick someone when they're down. If that's what you have to do to feel important, I pity you.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.


I can sympathize, Cabra. When I first saw this, I almost wondered if I had started posting under another name without realizing it. I really don't know you well, but from what I've seen, worthless is not a word I'd use to describe you.

If you think you're a loser, you're a loser. Unlucky.

Now what are you going to do about it?

Hey, i'm a worthless peice of shit too. Let us be friends.

*hugs back...

Do you know how it's always the one thing you can't have that you miss the most?
Yup, I miss real American pizza like crazy. :D

Seriously, yes, yes I do. But that doesn't mean that you are worthless. I know it hurts, but... time does heal all wounds, it really does.

And you WILL find that partner who will dance with you for the rest of time. If I can find someone for that dance, so can you.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.


:(

I know you're not looking for compliments, but I have a whole list of things I think are absolutely wonderful about you. I know I don't have MSN right now, but I check my email every day at work. TG me if you need my email adress again.

I don't care what anyone else says or even what you think, you've got a whole lot going for you and it might help to step back, take an honest look at all of your positive attributes and remind yourself of those once in a while.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

Well, so am I, but whoever said that was a bad thing? It's not like everyone gets to be the Queen, you know.

I'm not looking for compliments, but thanks anyway.
Then what is the point of this thread?

Honestly, your depressive self-effacement threads are getting repetitive.

I have one question.How long has these feelings been bothering you? I am just asking because if it's only being a short while maybe time will heal,your circumstances may not change but your perspective might. Otherwise, do a good deed and don't tell anyone,you'd be surprised how that one thing can help.Still, if that doesn't do the trick,take a break and go on a little vacation.Just a Thought:)

In all probability all of thoses things you said about yourself are probably true to one degree or another. The importent thing is how you deal with them. Your very recognition of your flaws serves to limit their influence in your actions. Being a coward is an area in which I have no small degree of expertiese, and I have to agree that it does suck. However, oftentimes the situation will change, or something inside you will shift, or perhaps a friend you didn't even know you had will lend you the strength to do what is necessary. And as for being ballast and serving no real purpose, you are probably right again, but there's no reason you can't have a good time being ballast. Who knows, perhaps you will be wrong and your life will have some profound meaning or influence. I'm not saying it's likely but hope is the most essential ingredient to life and it's worth trying for.

Thing is, what I have - this person, this relationship - is my safety-rope. And I'm about to lose my balance without knowing if it will hold this time. It seems to be disintegrating...

I know the feeling. I've already disintegrated. I just push on. I don't know what else to do.

I feel for you, I really do. I've seen what you're like CW. For one thing I've noticed you seem to have felt this way for ages. I don't have any advice, there isn't any to give when you feel this crap. I just hope you pull through it. Who knows, maybe your partner will change things in your relationship for the better. Maybe a Mary Poppins-esque person will fly down through your chimney and change your life. Or maybe you'll get dumped, your friends will ditch you and you'll be evicted from your house. There isn't much you can do about crap like that, and even if you do do something theres no guarantee it'll work. So maybe its best to sit back and chill, listen to some music, read a book, work your pants off and go on a holiday.

Then what is the point of this thread?

Honestly, your depressive self-effacement threads are getting repetitive.


and annoying.

Im sorry you hate yourself, and obviously dont want to be cheered up.
Until then, why must you whine about life online?

Find a way to be happy, or just kill yourself.

This song (http://www.musiccherry.com/archives/03%20This%20Year.mp3) always cheers me up. :)

Cabara West,

You are an efficent exchanger of Oxygen and CO2. To the extent plants are aware of you, they appreciate you.

I am sorry that you feel that way. I have felt pretty bad about stuff over the years and I know that my daughter has too. I think that the best thing I can say to you is go talk to your Dr. it sounds to me (I am not a Dr. it's just that I have personal experience) like you might be suffering from depression. As for being a bad friend...do you think that or have your friends told you? I have thoughts about my friends at times, especially when everything was going wrong in my life and my friends seemed to only have good stuff. If they are your friends and they spend time with you, you really can't be as bad as you imagine that you are. You are able to hold down a job, lots of people can't manage that. You are articulate and amusing online, so even if thats not how you feel in the real world, it is in you or you wouldnt be able to carry it off. Is OK to feel sorry for yourself if bad stuff happens to you, and I know how hard it is to end a destructive relationship, it took me years, but in the end I found it within myself to do it and am now a much happier and stronger person. I wish you well.

:)

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend,.
I'd let your friends be the judge of that. If they think you're a bad friend... Then they're not your friends now, are they?
jealous and envious,
Who isn't?
I lie,
Sadly, most people do. It's easy to overcome, though; every time you're going to tell a lie, simply don't. Tell the truth, no matter the cost. It probably won't, in the long run, cost as much as the lie anyway.
I can't keep up relationships,
You're female! It's his job to keep it up!
I suck at virtually everything.
I like a girl that sucks.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.
Nah, you're not. Just don't let people push you around. Don't be afraid of them. Change things, stick to your guns, and if necessary go down fighting*!
It just needed saying.
Well, now you've got it out of your system, and many people have pointed out that you got it wrong, you can have a cup of tea, take a deep breath, and get on with life! :fluffle:
And if all else fails, as Kibolonia said, think of the trees!

*Just mind the teeth.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.
Hmm, we seem to be in a similar situation hah. Except, I can keep up relationships.. But not well.

Oh, do grow up, dude. CabraWest is a dude?
I was under the impression she was a girl :confused:

I'm not looking for compliments, but thanks anyway.

Only, all you know of me is my online personality. I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

I am sure most of us are. I know I am.

You're female! It's his job to keep it up!
lol


I like a girl that sucks.
I wish he did more often ;)


Well, now you've got it out of your system, and many people have pointed out that you got it wrong, you can have a cup of tea, take a deep breath, and get on with life! :fluffle:
And if all else fails, as Kibolonia said, think of the trees!

*Just mind the teeth.

A cup of tea... you're a genius. That's just what I need now.
It is out of my system for now, I'll try to keep NS clean of my rants next time I boil over again. But thanks for reading it, anyway. :fluffle:

CabraWest is a dude?
I was under the impression she was a girl :confused:

She is. Definitely. No doubts there ;)

A cup of tea... you're a genius. That's just what I need now.
It is out of my system for now, I'll try to keep NS clean of my rants next time I boil over again. But thanks for reading it, anyway. :fluffle:
Thank you :)
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Don't let the world get you down!

You're female! It's his job to keep it up!or you can always give him Viagra + GHB.. and nail him while he sleeps :D

Cabra- You are fucking kidding me, right?

Are you trying to make my head explode?

I'll try to keep NS clean of my rants next time I boil over again. But thanks for reading it, anyway. :fluffle:Nah.. Don't mind Kreitz.. She is only jealous of the attention we give you.

Whenever you feel like it.. just come and share with us again.

Cabra- You are fucking kidding me, right?

Are you trying to make my head explode?

Why?

Why?


Its pretty frustrating to me to hear you describing yourself in that way.

Its not like I have a right to be critical of you-I dont know you much. The little tiny bit I do know says differently.

Its pretty frustrating to me to hear you describing yourself in that way.

Its not like I have a right to be critical of you-I dont know you much. The little tiny bit I do know says differently.

I just TGed you...

My apologies that I couldn't tell you you are a valuable person before (I actually have to work today! My own copy of ISO 14001 finally arrived in the mail!), but it seems that everyone else is doing the job just fine. ;)

I just TGed you...

God- not in front of everyone!!


Happy Saint Patrick's Day, by the way. I know its not much of a holiday over there,though.

God- not in front of everyone!!


Happy Saint Patrick's Day, by the way. I know its not much of a holiday over there,though.

*lol
Actually, it's a hell of a holiday. Only not if you're working for an international company and still have to be at work.
It's a bank holiday and one of the Irishs' favourite excuses to get drunk

Vitamins help, they really do.

*lol
Actually, it's a hell of a holiday. Only not if you're working for an international company and still have to be at work.
It's a bank holiday and one of the Irishs' favourite excuses to get drunk
Like they need excuses. :p

Only, all you know of me is my online personality. I seem to be very different indeed in real life...

Welcome to Reality! :p

But you are not worthless...
You are a good friend ant envious is everyone. I am also envious...
to M&A´s men
And I am also coward enough, to change things...

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

Me too. Except the lie bit. I just tell hurtful truths or shut up.

Welcome to Reality! :p

But you are not worthless...
You are a good friend ant envious is everyone. I am also envious...
to M&A´s men
And I am also coward enough, to change things...

Oh...
For a moment there I thought... ah, well.
:fluffle:

Thing is, what I have - this person, this relationship - is my safety-rope. And I'm about to lose my balance without knowing if it will hold this time. It seems to be disintegrating...
Safety from what? What are you even getting out of this relationship?

its interesting that i've been thinking a lot about the issue of change tonight. changing yourself all boils down to the big "WB" - why bother? you may be miserable right now but put in effort and.... well, is there any gaurentee things will be better? if not, that effort could be totally to waste... so why bother?

its a question i really am posing because i can't think of a straight answer. i suppose if you want to change something about yourself, then achieving that change is its own virtue, but that just doesn't sit well with me. i, personally, want to lose weight - badly - but then comes the ol' WB and any motivation i have from hating the way i look disappears out the window.
How can you be so lacking in motivation? That answer to "why bother?" is so fucking obvious. The reason to bother is because it could result in an improvement. Is it guaranteed? No? But I know one way to guarantee no improvement: not bothering to change anything.

Safety from what? What are you even getting out of this relationship?

How can you be so lacking in motivation? That answer to "why bother?" is so fucking obvious. The reason to bother is because it could result in an improvement. Is it guaranteed? No? But I know one way to guarantee no improvement: not bothering to change anything.

I know how he feels, although I don't know his background. And one thing that's not going to change anything about his thoughts is reproaching him.

Some people have motivation, they have energy, and simply want to do things for the sake of doing them. Personal gratification is easily obtained for them.
Others don't always have this energy, this drive to keep going, and personal gratification does little to nothing for them.

Which brings me to what this relationship does for me. It's my reason to go on. It's my reason to keep bothering. Positive or negative, it's my reason to get out of bed each morning and to answer the question "Do you want to go on living" with a "yes" each and every morning.

How can you be so lacking in motivation? That answer to "why bother?" is so fucking obvious. The reason to bother is because it could result in an improvement. Is it guaranteed? No? But I know one way to guarantee no improvement: not bothering to change anything.
quite true, rationally, yes.

but when you're actually there and the effort is hard, that rationality falls apart and all thats left is the demotivation and negative thoughts and feelings of having failed or whatever. the day to day struggle with motivation is far more than just understanding that rationale.

quite true, rationally, yes.

but when you're actually there and the effort is hard, that rationality falls apart and all thats left is the demotivation and negative thoughts and feelings of having failed or whatever. the day to day struggle with motivation is far more than just understanding that rationale.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm in the same boat, trying to lose weight, dearly WANTING to, but even though I know it is an important thing to do, I know that it's never going to be as easy as it is for me at the moment, and yet still the motivation is lacking. I really can't imagine what it must be like to be like most people, meaning motivated. And I'm sure they can't imagine having this much apathy. It's just the way we are.

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.


Ballast isn't worthless, it's need to keep ships at sea stable.

As for the rest, you sound like everyone else does at one time or another.

Just remember, if you are ballast, that means you're keeping something from flipping over and sinking in a heavy sea. That means you are worth something.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm in the same boat, trying to lose weight, dearly WANTING to, but even though I know it is an important thing to do, I know that it's never going to be as easy as it is for me at the moment, and yet still the motivation is lacking. I really can't imagine what it must be like to be like most people, meaning motivated. And I'm sure they can't imagine having this much apathy. It's just the way we are.

I've wondered about the myself a lot... some people seem to be motivated by almost anything. How do they do that?

Congratulations?

Congratulations?

Huh? :confused:

Ballast isn't worthless, it's need to keep ships at sea stable.

As for the rest, you sound like everyone else does at one time or another.

Just remember, if you are ballast, that means you're keeping something from flipping over and sinking in a heavy sea. That means you are worth something.
Actually if you have too much Ballast it would be worthless.

I've wondered about the myself a lot... some people seem to be motivated by almost anything. How do they do that?
i wish i knew :(

sometimes i get flashes of inspiration and motivation where i want to - and for a change feel able to - do something and change things... but then it fades, and if i give it too much thought all i end up doing is dwelling on the negative things i don't like (the things i want to change) rather than the positive aspect of how good the change will be. that, in itself, is demotivational... kinda like being motivated only leads to feeling miserable.
ah, at least we're nicely "complicated", eh? (better than being plain and one-dimensional if you ask me ;))


I know exactly what you mean. I'm in the same boat, trying to lose weight, dearly WANTING to, but even though I know it is an important thing to do, I know that it's never going to be as easy as it is for me at the moment, and yet still the motivation is lacking. I really can't imagine what it must be like to be like most people, meaning motivated. And I'm sure they can't imagine having this much apathy. It's just the way we are.
yup, losing weight... i'll probably never have it so easy but its so hard. and its not just a matter of effort, its deeper than that. people who have the motivation just say 'all you need is to put in effort' or whatever... but if you lack the motivation, then that effort is just non-existant. its like the motivation feeds the effort and energy in you, and when you don't have that, you don't have energy.

its a serious problem, really. i don't have much motivation with life in general, which leads to apathy and lack of ambition, drive and energy. some things i have motivation for, and thus energy to do, and i should really concentrate on those things i guess.

i think it, at least in part, boils down to depression. its such a life-changing, attitude-changing and outlook-changing (not to mention thought-process changing) disease that it has long term and lasting effects on an awful lot of things, even after you're over the actual major depression part. people say it never leaves you. i've heard that CBT can help though... but anyway, i know when i had the least energy in life, the least will to do anything was when i was most depressed last year - there was no motivation for life (i wanted to die) and that just coloured everything... just getting up to go have a shower was a daily challenge (still did it pretty much every day! woot!)

my point is that stays with you. some people might just be like that naturally, but for me i think i can pinpoint a lot of my current lack of focus, drive and motivation stemming from that period of my life.

so these people who just don't understand how hard it is to do things sometimes... just... don't understand.

[/rant]

Huh? :confused:
Did i misread the first post?:confused:

Did i misread the first post?:confused:

Ah. Well... thanks.

Ah. Well... thanks.
That is really harsh.

i wish i knew :(

sometimes i get flashes of inspiration and motivation where i want to - and for a change feel able to - do something and change things... but then it fades, and if i give it too much thought all i end up doing is dwelling on the negative things i don't like (the things i want to change) rather than the positive aspect of how good the change will be. that, in itself, is demotivational... kinda like being motivated only leads to feeling miserable.
ah, at least we're nicely "complicated", eh? (better than being plain and one-dimensional if you ask me ;))



yup, losing weight... i'll probably never have it so easy but its so hard. and its not just a matter of effort, its deeper than that. people who have the motivation just say 'all you need is to put in effort' or whatever... but if you lack the motivation, then that effort is just non-existant. its like the motivation feeds the effort and energy in you, and when you don't have that, you don't have energy.

its a serious problem, really. i don't have much motivation with life in general, which leads to apathy and lack of ambition, drive and energy. some things i have motivation for, and thus energy to do, and i should really concentrate on those things i guess.

i think it, at least in part, boils down to depression. its such a life-changing, attitude-changing and outlook-changing (not to mention thought-process changing) disease that it has long term and lasting effects on an awful lot of things, even after you're over the actual major depression part. people say it never leaves you. i've heard that CBT can help though... but anyway, i know when i had the least energy in life, the least will to do anything was when i was most depressed last year - there was no motivation for life (i wanted to die) and that just coloured everything... just getting up to go have a shower was a daily challenge (still did it pretty much every day! woot!)

my point is that stays with you. some people might just be like that naturally, but for me i think i can pinpoint a lot of my current lack of focus, drive and motivation stemming from that period of my life.

so these people who just don't understand how hard it is to do things sometimes... just... don't understand.

[/rant]


Yep, exactly. I'm only just moving out of my standard depressive stage (at least, I hope I'm coming out of it) and I can already see how much it's changed the way I feel and act. And while it may be better than being one-dimensional, it isnt by much. By the way, what is CBT? Does it have anything to do with gorging and watching crappy sci-fi shows? Coz if it does, it doesn't help... (weak joke, I won't do it again I promise.)

I've wondered about the myself a lot... some people seem to be motivated by almost anything. How do they do that?
I think that anyone can be motivated. It starts with your diet because you are what you eat. Cut down on eating processed shite, fast food and sweets. Eat vegetables fruit and some good meat. Stop drinking coffee. Once you eat better you'll feel better and more motivated to do things.

These are my general summarised guidelines. I'll try and find the detailed version; I have posted this before.

But hey, we are all liable to procrastination. I'm procrastinating right now!

Which brings me to what this relationship does for me. It's my reason to go on. It's my reason to keep bothering. Positive or negative, it's my reason to get out of bed each morning and to answer the question "Do you want to go on living" with a "yes" each and every morning.
And yet you are not enjoying this relationship? This seems to be a contradiction.

And yet you are not enjoying this relationship? This seems to be a contradiction.

Ever heard of "hope"?

Ever heard of "hope"?

Worst thing, hope. I'm usually ok (not happy, but not sad) living a blank, dull, monotonous existence. It's only when the prospect of hope gets raised things fuck up.

I think that anyone can be motivated. It starts with your diet because you are what you eat. Cut down on eating processed shite, fast food and sweets. Eat vegetables fruit and some good meat. Stop drinking coffee. Once you eat better you'll feel better and more motivated to do things.

These are my general summarised guidelines. I'll try and find the detailed version; I have posted this before.

But hey, we are all liable to procrastination. I'm procrastinating right now!


I don't eat fast food, I don't drink coffee, and I hardly ever eat sweets. I've always eaten a lot of fruit and vegetable...

Seriously, I don't think your theory has much of a basis.

Worst thing, hope. I'm usually ok (not happy, but not sad) living a blank, dull, monotonous existence. It's only when the prospect of hope gets raised things fuck up.

I know... I'm trying to give up hope again. I used too have dull and blank, and although I wasn't screamingly happy, I was content. Now I can't seem to find that state of mind again.

I don't eat fast food, I don't drink coffee, and I hardly ever eat sweets. I've always eaten a lot of fruit and vegetable...

Seriously, I don't think your theory has much of a basis.

No offense, but I dont think you want to be happy.

I don't eat fast food, I don't drink coffee, and I hardly ever eat sweets. I've always eaten a lot of fruit and vegetable...

Seriously, I don't think your theory has much of a basis.
But if you WERE eating junk food...! ;)

Actually his theory does have merits, better food does seem to bring the body and the mood back up, but it only helps, not cures.

I know... I'm trying to give up hope again. I used too have dull and blank, and although I wasn't screamingly happy, I was content. Now I can't seem to find that state of mind again.

Bingo. Precise same boat.

Bloody life, bloody relationships, bloody humanity.

Think i'll become a hermit.

No offense, but I dont think you want to be happy.

Wrong. I want to be happy in a way that I can't have. I need to find something else to be happy or content with, and I have to cope with the feeling of having lost this kind of happiness...

Wrong. I want to be happy in a way that I can't have. I need to find something else to be happy or content with, and I have to cope with the feeling of having lost this kind of happiness...


Look.

I say this becuase Ive been in the same boat as you.
Medicated, diagnosed...the whole deal.

You have two choices, and no more.

1. Do whatever it takes to wake up everyday, go on with life, and decide not to feel like shit.

2. Give up completely, and just die.

Since, there are probably more people than you realize that would prefer that you not take option 2, I suggest option 1.

Its not easy, and its not fair, in fact...it pretty much sucks, but thats it.
The problems you have are not likely to just go away.
If you do nothing, you will never feel any better, and this thing will eat you alive.

It nearly got me.

Look.

I say this becuase Ive been in the same boat as you.
Medicated, diagnosed...the whole deal.

You have two choices, and no more.

1. Do whatever it takes to wake up everyday, go on with life, and decide not to feel like shit.

2. Give up completely, and just die.

Since, there are probably more people than you realize that would prefer that you not take option 2, I suggest option 1.

Its not easy, and its not fair, in fact...it pretty much sucks, but thats it.
The problems you have are not likely to just go away.
If you do nothing, you will never feel any better, and this thing will eat you alive.

It nearly got me.


I'm going with the first, and have for some time now.
Think of my recurring depressed threads here as temporary relapses. If you've been there, you know how much effort it takes to cling on to that determination to not feel like shit. There'll be setbacks, life just keeps piling it on, it seems, and you can't always be prepared. You might just slip.

Seriously, nobody's worthless. Each of us can make a contribution. It's a matter of finding a need and reaching out to fill it.

You're worth so much more than that. I've been in a down place before, so I have an idea. Look up, and see the sky.

...By the way, what is CBT? ...
As the person who recommended it to PM, and who has had CBT and who has been helped by it a lot, I shall explain.

Cognitive behavioural therapy basically revolves around changing the way you think. If your depression revolves around thoughts, this is one of the most useful methods of treating it. It involves indentifying irrational ways of thinking and changing them. It isn't simple and takes a lot of effort, as you would imagine, but the benefit is huge.

An example of one thing it involves - a large part of it - is where you a) write down all the negative thoughts related to a certain situation b) identify what irrationality is there (black-and-white thinking, fortune-telling, labelling etc) and c) write down a counter-thought. You also usually write down how much you believe the negative thought before and after, in percentage form. I know at first it seemed silly and I didn't believe the positive thoughts, or wouldn't let myself believe them, but over time I started to and it became a habit in my mind to question the negative thoughts rather than the positive ones.

It can be quite hard, facing up to all your negative thoughts and feelings because you have to bring them out and face the worst parts of it all. But that's the only way you can ever question them and get rid of them. There's one method that really uses this. You basically have to defend yourself against harsh criticism of yourself - either you create the criticism and defend yourself, or your therapist creates the criticism and you have to defend yourself against it. It sounds like a crazy thing to do when you're depressed, but forcing yourself to think of good things about yourself and attack the criticism can be incredibly useful and can almost instantly make you feel better.

Finding motivation can be hard at first which is why you really need to be doing it with a professional who can make sure you do it, keep you going, explain the benefits, push you to try at it. After a while, gradually, you get better at using the techniques and it has more of an impact on you and success from this, plus a more positive/realistic way of thinking, provides the motivation to continue.

I really would reccomend it strongly for anyone with a negative way of thinking.

Seriously, I don't think your theory has much of a basis.
It has basis in my life and the lives of my family.

Ever heard of "hope"?
Hope is useless if you're not going to do anything to make your hopes into reality.

Wrong. I want to be happy in a way that I can't have. I need to find something else to be happy or content with, and I have to cope with the feeling of having lost this kind of happiness...
This is the course of action I would follow.

It has basis in my life and the lives of my family.

Sorry, I didn't mean to criticise you, I don't doubt that I would feel indeed worse if I ate fastfood and sweets all day, but simply eating the right food neither helps against depression nor will it automatically make you happy.


Hope is useless if you're not going to do anything to make your hopes into reality.

Hope is generally useless, deceptive and counterproductive.


This is the course of action I would follow.

I'll just keep looking for something then, will I?

I'm essentially worthless balast on the planet.
I'm a bad friend, jealous and envious, I lie, I can't keep up relationships, I suck at virtually everything.
And I'm too much of a coward to change things.

It just needed saying.

Hey, me too! Let's be friends. :)

Hey, me too! Let's be friends. :)

I already said that I'm a bad friend, so you are warned ;)
:fluffle:

Me too. How we will work this is, we will say we are friends, but we will hardly ever return each other's calls, cancel on plans at the last minute, and talk about each other behind our backs. But that's okay, because we really do like each other and accept the fact that this is just who we are. Deal?

Me too. How we will work this is, we will say we are friends, but we will hardly ever return each other's calls, cancel on plans at the last minute, and talk about each other behind our backs. But that's okay, because we really do like each other and accept the fact that this is just who we are. Deal?

Sounds ok... is there anything I can talk about behind your back?

Well, that's the point of being bad friends. We'll go through periods where we'll be really close and hang out a lot, and then when we drift apart again, you can use the information we shared against me. That's how it works. :cool:

I'm thinking I'll start telling people you're a cocktease. :p

As the person who recommended it to PM, and who has had CBT and who has been helped by it a lot, I shall explain.

-snip-

much as i'd like to go for it, and i agree it could well help me, its difficult when you feel your doctor doesn't take you seriously or even seem to care very much in any of this. might just go for private councelling (seeing how i don't know of any private psychotherapists/psychiatrists)

Well, that's the point of being bad friends. We'll go through periods where we'll be really close and hang out a lot, and then when we drift apart again, you can use the information we shared against me. That's how it works. :cool:

I'm thinking I'll start telling people you're a cocktease. :p

If you're planning on telling that to the people here, they already know ;)

<snip...OUCH>

You're right, that does sound stupid, but I can sort of understand how it might work. Thanks.

Sorry, I didn't mean to criticise you, I don't doubt that I would feel indeed worse if I ate fastfood and sweets all day, but simply eating the right food neither helps against depression nor will it automatically make you happy.
Depressed people always think I am offering them a miracle cure when IO suggest that eating better food will make them feel more motivated. I'm not and I never said I was.

I'll just keep looking for something then, will I?
What's wrong with friendship? Do you have friends outside of this apparently destructive relationship you're in?

Depressed people always think I am offering them a miracle cure when IO suggest that eating better food will make them feel more motivated. I'm not and I never said I was.

I think it's good advice for a healthy lifestyle, that much is for sure. But it's not a miracle, and not much of a cure for depression, in my experience.


What's wrong with friendship? Do you have friends outside of this apparently destructive relationship you're in?

Not very many any more. And almost none close by. I've made a few attempts in the past months to get a new circle of friends, but if you're a bookworm woh doesn't much like to go outside at the best of times, it's not an easy task.

I think it's good advice for a healthy lifestyle, that much is for sure. But it's not a miracle, and not much of a cure for depression, in my experience.
I never said it was.

Not very many any more. And almost none close by. I've made a few attempts in the past months to get a new circle of friends, but if you're a bookworm woh doesn't much like to go outside at the best of times, it's not an easy task.
Oh fuck it, I can't tolerate much more of this. We live in the same city. Do you want to meet up sometime next week and make a new friend? TG me.

God....sympathy baiting is as bad as flame baiting.

God....sympathy baiting is as bad as flame baiting.
:rolleyes: CW is a lovely woman and a real cornerstone of NS General. if anyone deserves some sympathy and support, its her. you don't know what she's going through in her personal life right now, so why don't you leave the snide, pointless little comments out of it and take it somewhere else, eh?
i mean, apart from anything else, what you said in a thread such as this is flamebait. so shut up.

Oh fuck it, I can't tolerate much more of this. We live in the same city. Do you want to meet up sometime next week and make a new friend? TG me.

*lol

Thanks for the offer. Just TGed you...

:rolleyes: CW is a lovely woman and a real cornerstone of NS General. if anyone deserves some sympathy and support, its her. you don't know what she's going through in her personal life right now, so why don't you leave the snide, pointless little comments out of it and take it somewhere else, eh?
i mean, apart from anything else, what you said in a thread such as this is flamebait. so shut up.

Hey... don't do that. :fluffle:
There's no need to defend me, really, I can well understand how annoying threads like this one can be.
But thank you :)

Hey... don't do that. :fluffle:
There's no need to defend me, really, I can well understand how annoying threads like this one can be.
But thank you :)
i know you don't need defending and you're more than capable of doing so, but i figured i could at least help out this once ;) :fluffle:
my pleasure... and i mean it :)

:rolleyes: CW is a lovely woman and a real cornerstone of NS General. if anyone deserves some sympathy and support, its her. you don't know what she's going through in her personal life right now, so why don't you leave the snide, pointless little comments out of it and take it somewhere else, eh?
i mean, apart from anything else, what you said in a thread such as this is flamebait. so shut up.

Well, whatever the case, your right I don't know whats going on in her personal life. Thats because we are all more or less strangers, ergo this is not a good arena to be seeking sympathy in. So why do these " I hate myself" threads go on and on and on.....

CW- you decide your worth, not society, not your family, you do. If they think poorly of you, don't get sad and wallow, get mad and say fuck 'em. You are the center of your value system. If you are mad at yourself for some failure, then good, this will provide an incentive to improve. If you simply can't improve (almost never true) or don't wish to, then fuck it, don't wallow, just accept it. Good luck and if these feelings have mostly come up in the last 24hrs a nap will usually make you feel better. Thanks for realizing the nature of these kinds of threads. Hope you feel better.

As for pure metal, I was about to get mad (not really), but then remembered you have a beard, which is awesome, so it all evens out and you are neutral in my book.

My 2 cents, and now I'm off to other threads.

Thats my 2 cents

Well, whatever the case, your right I don't know whats going on in her personal life. Thats because we are all more or less strangers, ergo this is not a good arena to be seeking sympathy in. So why do these " I hate myself" threads go on and on and on.....

CW- you decide your worth, not society, not your family, you do. If they think poorly of you, don't get sad and wallow, get mad and say fuck 'em. You are the center of your value system. If you are mad at yourself for some failure, then good, this will provide an incentive to improve. If you simply can't improve (almost never true) or don't wish to, then fuck it, don't wallow, just accept it. Good luck and if these feelings have mostly come up in the last 24hrs a nap will usually make you feel better. Thanks for realizing the nature of these kinds of threads. Hope you feel better.

As for pure metal, I was about to get mad (not really), but then remembered you have a beard, which is awesome, so it all evens out and you are neutral in my book.

My 2 cents, and now I'm off to other threads.

Thats my 2 cents


Just an innocent question but... did you MEAN to say "my 2 cents" twice?