NationStates Jolt Archive

Does anybody have some nice, smutty, horny poems? Nothing explicit, although you can tg me that if you have any. Some of your own writings perhaps?
English, German and French I can read, if it's any other language, I would need a translation...

Nope. Only hurt, aggressive, or full of blame.

Nope. Only hurt, aggressive, or full of blame.

Aw.... pity.
I was going to make a small antology of it and illustrate it ;)

There once was a man from Nantucket......

Bit of Burns for your delectation:


Nine Inch Will Please a Lady

Come rede me dame, come tell me, dame,
My dame come tell me truly,
What length o' graith, when weel ca'd hame,
Will sair a woman duly?
The carlin clew her wanton tail,
Her wanton tail sae ready -
I learn'd a sang in Annandale,
Nine inch will please a lady.

But for a koontrie **** like mine,
In sooth, we're nae sae gentle;
We'll take tway thumb-bread to the nine,
And tha's a sonsy pintle;
O leeze me on my Charlie lad,
I'll ne'er forget my Charlie!
Tway roarin handfu's and a daud,
He nidge't it in fu' rarely.

But weary fa' the laithron doup
And may it ne'er ken thrivin!
It's no the length that maks me loup,
But it's the double drivin.-
Come nidge me, Tam, come nidge me Tam,
Come nidge me o'er the nyvel!
Come lowse and lug your battering ram,
And thrash him at my gyvel!

John Donne was a bit of a smarmy bastard. Google it!

There once was a man from Saint Clair,
Who was screwing his wife on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in the air!


Historic version

"I'll admit," said a lady named Starr,
"That a phallus is like a cigar;
But to most common people
A phallic church-steeple
Is stretching the matter too far."

Contemporary version

"I'll admit," said a fellow named Starr,
"That a phallus is like a cigar;
But to lie to the nation
And deny penetration,
Is stretching the truth just too far."


There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,"
They'll pay to get out of it too."


Limericks, my friend, limericks.

volumes of dirty stuff... but none of it rhymes, no...

There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,"
They'll pay to get out of it too."


Limericks, my friend, limericks.


LOL...

Does anybody have some nice, smutty, horny poems? Nothing explicit, although you can tg me that if you have any. Some of your own writings perhaps?
English, German and French I can read, if it's any other language, I would need a translation...

I have some material I have written (mainly 'metaphorical') that might fit your requirements, but I tend not to share on forums (unless I write it especially FOR the forum), because of the risk of losing material to other, less-honest 'authors'.

(Not that I think any of the NS regulars would steal material, but I have heard there are those who trawl forums like this for just such opportunities).

Are you thinking of a business venture? Or just something for your own kicks?

LOL...

And, as if by magic, my muse appeared.... ;)

And, as if by magic, my muse appeared.... ;)

I thought of you immediately when I read the thread title.

I still read the beautiful works you so generously shared with me. I still hope to get an autographed copy of your collection once you make it big.

Of course when I read them, its in that accent of yours.

*wipes drool from keyboard*

(Not that I think any of the NS regulars would steal material, but I have heard there are those who trawl forums like this for just such opportunities).

If someone were to publish my work under their own name, I'd be a little peeved of course, but then again, I'm too lazy to publish it myself, and if they want to go through all the hassle of publishing for me, I'll just say that their name is my pen name :p

I thought of you immediately when I read the thread title.

I still read the beautiful works you so generously shared with me. I still hope to get an autographed copy of your collection once you make it big.

Of course when I read them, its in that accent of yours.

*wipes drool from keyboard*

Bestill, my beating heart.... ;)

If my 'genius' is ever realised, you are top of the list for signed copies. :)

If someone were to publish my work under their own name, I'd be a little peeved of course, but then again, I'm too lazy to publish it myself, and if they want to go through all the hassle of publishing for me, I'll just say that their name is my pen name :p

Which would be okay, if I did NOT plan to publish... but friends have told me I really should... and I don't want to push a manuscript that someone turns round and accuses me of plagiarising... :)

I have some material I have written (mainly 'metaphorical') that might fit your requirements, but I tend not to share on forums (unless I write it especially FOR the forum), because of the risk of losing material to other, less-honest 'authors'.

(Not that I think any of the NS regulars would steal material, but I have heard there are those who trawl forums like this for just such opportunities).

Are you thinking of a business venture? Or just something for your own kicks?

Nah, no business venture. I suck at business (no pun intended ;) )
I just thought illustrating some of it might be nice, and then turning it into a little book... all with author credits, of course

Nah, no business venture. I suck at business (no pun intended ;) )
I just thought illustrating some of it might be nice, and then turning it into a little book... all with author credits, of course


Oh, thats an excellent idea.

Nah, no business venture. I suck at business (no pun intended ;) )
I just thought illustrating some of it might be nice, and then turning it into a little book... all with author credits, of course

If you're interested, I'll TG you a couple to look at, see if they 'work' for you...?

I've been writing poetry for a while now and I've begun to hate everything I write. I like my older stuff but my new stuff seems so forced. *sigh*

If you're interested, I'll TG you a couple to look at, see if they 'work' for you...?

Sounds good, let's see them :D

Oh, thats an excellent idea.

Well, I'll note down the author (or contributer), and I thought I might send everyone whose poems got illustrated a copy... once it's all finished, that is.

Sounds good, let's see them :D

Should be 'in your box'.

I spend all my days
waiting for the moment
when I can abashedly look away

-Andrew Bala


in my opinion, the greatest love poem of all time

Should be 'in your box'.

Thanks... "Heavenly Body" deserves illustration for sure. "The book of dreams" possibly as well, I'm not 100% sure yet :)

Should be 'in your box'.
milk+oreos+laughing=fun boogers!


hmm...I don't think I have anything sexual, although I'm sure I could whip some up

milk+oreos+laughing=fun boogers!


hmm...I don't think I have anything sexual, although I'm sure I could whip some up

If you have some inspiration... I'd be more than interested in reading it.

If you have some inspiration... I'd be more than interested in reading it.
we'll see what my twisted little mind can whip up:p

There once was a man from Belfast
Whose balls were constructed of brass
In stormy weather
They'd clang together
And lightning shot out of his ass.

There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When jangled together, they played stormy weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass!

There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When jangled together, they played stormy weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass!


You stole my limerick!

You stole my limerick!

No way, you bastardized mine.

Nuh-UH! Mine was posted first! So neener-neener-neener!:p

Thanks... "Heavenly Body" deserves illustration for sure. "The book of dreams" possibly as well, I'm not 100% sure yet :)

There are a couple more in a similar vein to those two... one of which is WAY more metaphorical. Let me know if you are interested. :)

milk+oreos+laughing=fun boogers!


I guess I should say sorry about that... ;)

I kissed your hair
I kissed your lips
I kissed your dainty fingertips
I kissed your neck
And your silken hair
Of any spots I'd missed I was unaware
I kissed your cheek
I kissed your eyes
And that downy patch between your thighs
But when I tried to come up for air
You just tightened your grip upon my hair
So I kissed her gently
I kissed her hard
Inch by inch
And yard by yard
But with all those kisses I had made
I had somehow forgotten to get laid


You'll note that this was not a limerick.

But since you all seem to like them......

There was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
Now, he had to admit, that it stunk up like sh*t
But think of all the money he'd save!

I'm out.

I guess I should say sorry about that... ;)
haha...its my own fault. If LG has taught me nothing else, he has shown me to stop eating and drinking while on NS

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
-William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

I kissed your hair
I kissed your lips
I kissed your dainty fingertips
I kissed your neck
And your silken hair
Of any spots I'd missed I was unaware
I kissed your cheek
I kissed your eyes
And that downy patch between your thighs
But when I tried to come up for air
You just tightened your grip upon my hair
So I kissed her gently
I kissed her hard
Inch by inch
And yard by yard
But with all those kisses I had made
I had somehow forgotten to get laid


You'll note that this was not a limerick.

That's a good one, too.

I like the limericks as well, I'm sitting here sniggering all the time, but I fear they'd be hard to illustrate... unless with caricature ;)