Grand Maritoll
15-03-2006, 04:23
Between periods 4A and 4B (just before Concert Choir, that is), I was reminded that emotions can strongly effect the way one experiences one's day, and will still do so even if we are aware that it is going on (provided we do not make an extra effort to stop them).
In Acting Ensemble, my emotions flipped a switch from cautiously positive to a sort of militant negativity... with many people, militant negativity means that they are feeling bad and want to make others feel bad so they aren't alone in their suffering, and might achieve comfort in that manner. With me, militant negativity typically means that I will try to stop the outpouring of negativity, which leads to me feeling progressively worse. In other words, I wasn't feeling well at all.
Then, in Band, we got some new music for Spring Concert. Normally, I enjoy new music. In fact, I can't think of any songs that I genuinely dislike that I have played in Band at NHS. But today, it was different. We had two new songs, one of them was fairly difficult, and another one was very easy. We listened to the difficult one, and played the easy one. I didn't like either of them.
After school was when I realized that the reason I didn't like the music we had learned (both songs had Ebs [the lowest note on a Bass Clarinet] in them, something I would normally enjoy immensely) was that I was depressed when they were introduced to me.
It may seem fairly obvious, but to me, it is as obvious as gravity was to ancient scientists (I'm fond of that analogy today). Because I have had emotions influencing my opinions of everything for all of my life, the significance never dawned on me, and I never gave the matter serious thought. But it deserves serious thought.
If you dislike someone and can't name the reason, odds are you first came to know them while you were feeling negative... and these things can spiral. After all, no one likes being around people they don't like, and so the next time you interact with a person whom you met while you were feeling bad, you will remember that you don't like that person (either subconsciously or consciously), and you will have a slightly more negative experience around them because you don't like them because you met them when you were feeling down. After the second negative experience, you may dislike them even more, because now you have had two negative experiences with them. The result? The next time you interact with them, the experience will be more negatively tainted, proportional to how much you dislike them. And on and on it goes.
Perhaps you will start coming up with reasons for not liking them, to justify your dislike. But the key word is "coming up with". If you look closely, all people are flawed in some way. But the tendency is to focus on the flaws of those you don't like, and forgive the flaws of those you do like. This makes the people you don't like seem worse, and the people you like seem better (if you see flaw A in your enemy, you tend to gladly note it if your friend does not have flaw A, because they are your friend. [But you do take note of flaw A in your enemy, because they are your enemy]. But if you see flaw B in your friend [or, if you notice the absence of flaw B in your enemy], you tend to ignore it, because they are your friend [or enemy]. In much the same way, if you see positive trait A in your enemy, [or, if you notice the absence of positive trait A in your friend], you tend to ignore it [or the absence of it], because they are your enemy [or friend]. If you see positive trait B in your friend, you gladly take note of it, because they are your friend... and if you notice that positive trait B is lacking in your enemy, you take note.)
I think that covered all the scenarios (even if it didn't, you probably got the idea after the first 30 words or so...), so on with analysis.
When you see positive traits in your friends that your enemies lack, you tend to use them as justification for liking your friends and not your enemies (after all, the most noteworthy characteristics of human beings are their constant need to justify themselves and their constant need of approval [which are closely related]).
When you see positive traits in your enemies that your friends lack, sometimes you will take the proper path and gently and cautiously inform your friend of their shortcomings so they can improve themselves, sometimes you may even take the impious path by hating your enemy even more for "showing up" your friend, but more often than not, you tend to ignore the trait and the lack thereof in your enemy and your friend, respectively.
The opposite is true of negative traits.
What am I saying with all this?
(Yes, that was written to attract even the attention of those who would normally just glaze over these "deep posts". Bear with me for a paragraph or two, this is the part where I get to the point.)
Negative experiences breed negative impressions (as exhibited above). And there is truth in the idea that first impressions are extremely important. Negative impressions breed more intensely negative experiences. More intensely negative experiences build more intensely negative impressions, which develop into negative relationships (i.e., enemies/people you can't stand).
The moral of the story? Odds are, if you hate someone, there really is no solid basis for it, it is simply the result of the tendency of emotions to spiral out of control.
The more intense the emotions (prejudices would actually be a better word) have become, the harder it is to overcome them, even if you can trace the spiral back to its origins and you fully understand why you have those emotions (i.e., even if you know what's going on in your head), you will have a hard time getting over them.
Here's the kicker: it works in reverse, too. Positive experiences build up positivity. That's how friends are made, in most cases.
Sure, just as evolution has periods of punctuation amongst the equilibrium (fancy science terms for when things evolve quickly), there are periods where positivity and negativity shift significantly in a short time, (and of course, the short term is always fluctuating, minorly, like the individual specimens compared to the species as a whole in evolutionary terms), but most relationships build and solidify, for better or for worse, over time.
What has all this thinking taught me? It has taught me that it will take me a long time to get over my feelings for the music we got in band today, and my feelings that have given me so much grief as of late.
In Acting Ensemble, my emotions flipped a switch from cautiously positive to a sort of militant negativity... with many people, militant negativity means that they are feeling bad and want to make others feel bad so they aren't alone in their suffering, and might achieve comfort in that manner. With me, militant negativity typically means that I will try to stop the outpouring of negativity, which leads to me feeling progressively worse. In other words, I wasn't feeling well at all.
Then, in Band, we got some new music for Spring Concert. Normally, I enjoy new music. In fact, I can't think of any songs that I genuinely dislike that I have played in Band at NHS. But today, it was different. We had two new songs, one of them was fairly difficult, and another one was very easy. We listened to the difficult one, and played the easy one. I didn't like either of them.
After school was when I realized that the reason I didn't like the music we had learned (both songs had Ebs [the lowest note on a Bass Clarinet] in them, something I would normally enjoy immensely) was that I was depressed when they were introduced to me.
It may seem fairly obvious, but to me, it is as obvious as gravity was to ancient scientists (I'm fond of that analogy today). Because I have had emotions influencing my opinions of everything for all of my life, the significance never dawned on me, and I never gave the matter serious thought. But it deserves serious thought.
If you dislike someone and can't name the reason, odds are you first came to know them while you were feeling negative... and these things can spiral. After all, no one likes being around people they don't like, and so the next time you interact with a person whom you met while you were feeling bad, you will remember that you don't like that person (either subconsciously or consciously), and you will have a slightly more negative experience around them because you don't like them because you met them when you were feeling down. After the second negative experience, you may dislike them even more, because now you have had two negative experiences with them. The result? The next time you interact with them, the experience will be more negatively tainted, proportional to how much you dislike them. And on and on it goes.
Perhaps you will start coming up with reasons for not liking them, to justify your dislike. But the key word is "coming up with". If you look closely, all people are flawed in some way. But the tendency is to focus on the flaws of those you don't like, and forgive the flaws of those you do like. This makes the people you don't like seem worse, and the people you like seem better (if you see flaw A in your enemy, you tend to gladly note it if your friend does not have flaw A, because they are your friend. [But you do take note of flaw A in your enemy, because they are your enemy]. But if you see flaw B in your friend [or, if you notice the absence of flaw B in your enemy], you tend to ignore it, because they are your friend [or enemy]. In much the same way, if you see positive trait A in your enemy, [or, if you notice the absence of positive trait A in your friend], you tend to ignore it [or the absence of it], because they are your enemy [or friend]. If you see positive trait B in your friend, you gladly take note of it, because they are your friend... and if you notice that positive trait B is lacking in your enemy, you take note.)
I think that covered all the scenarios (even if it didn't, you probably got the idea after the first 30 words or so...), so on with analysis.
When you see positive traits in your friends that your enemies lack, you tend to use them as justification for liking your friends and not your enemies (after all, the most noteworthy characteristics of human beings are their constant need to justify themselves and their constant need of approval [which are closely related]).
When you see positive traits in your enemies that your friends lack, sometimes you will take the proper path and gently and cautiously inform your friend of their shortcomings so they can improve themselves, sometimes you may even take the impious path by hating your enemy even more for "showing up" your friend, but more often than not, you tend to ignore the trait and the lack thereof in your enemy and your friend, respectively.
The opposite is true of negative traits.
What am I saying with all this?
(Yes, that was written to attract even the attention of those who would normally just glaze over these "deep posts". Bear with me for a paragraph or two, this is the part where I get to the point.)
Negative experiences breed negative impressions (as exhibited above). And there is truth in the idea that first impressions are extremely important. Negative impressions breed more intensely negative experiences. More intensely negative experiences build more intensely negative impressions, which develop into negative relationships (i.e., enemies/people you can't stand).
The moral of the story? Odds are, if you hate someone, there really is no solid basis for it, it is simply the result of the tendency of emotions to spiral out of control.
The more intense the emotions (prejudices would actually be a better word) have become, the harder it is to overcome them, even if you can trace the spiral back to its origins and you fully understand why you have those emotions (i.e., even if you know what's going on in your head), you will have a hard time getting over them.
Here's the kicker: it works in reverse, too. Positive experiences build up positivity. That's how friends are made, in most cases.
Sure, just as evolution has periods of punctuation amongst the equilibrium (fancy science terms for when things evolve quickly), there are periods where positivity and negativity shift significantly in a short time, (and of course, the short term is always fluctuating, minorly, like the individual specimens compared to the species as a whole in evolutionary terms), but most relationships build and solidify, for better or for worse, over time.
What has all this thinking taught me? It has taught me that it will take me a long time to get over my feelings for the music we got in band today, and my feelings that have given me so much grief as of late.