NationStates Jolt Archive

so, what do you think makes a good parent? what would cause you to think someone is a bad parent? what is the ultimate goal a parent should have?

Is a good parent one who puts a child's happiness above their own? fully devoted to the child?

Is a bad parent one who is strict?

what is your own personal parenting theory?

please add if you are a parent now, if you aren't are you wanting to have children or not?

I will post my own parenting theory later.

Good parenting:
Taking an active role in your child's eduation.
Unconditional love.
Supportive of your child's goals.

Bad parenting:
Making your children fight for your love. With crowbars.
Sensory deprivation.
Public ridicule.

:)

I don't really have a theory--I just kind of wing it, and so far, I think I've done okay. If my daughter makes it to her majority without being extraordinarily fucked up, I'll consider it a success, since she'll be better off than about 90% of the population.

Good Parent:

Attentive
Compassionate
Consistent
Playful
Affectionate


Bad Parent:

Discouraging
Angry
Indifferent
Forceful


I suppose there's a lot more, but that's all I got for now.

I don't really have a theory--I just kind of wing it, and so far, I think I've done okay. If my daughter makes it to her majority without being extraordinarily fucked up, I'll consider it a success, since she'll be better off than about 90% of the population.
so what is your major goal as a parent? that the kid doesn't die/kill anyone by the time they are 18 and after that it's not your problem?

GOOD PARENT
- strict so that your child understand boundaries without being oppressive
- caring
- responsive
- loving unconditionally
- pushing your child to their limits to help them achieve
- Good listener (because it's not always that the child needs a talking to)

BAD PARENT
- abusive in any way
- strict without reason
- anything that harms the development

so what is your major goal as a parent? that the kid doesn't die/kill anyone by the time they are 18 and after that it's not your problem?

Many parents can't even do that much! :p

I am actually a home visitor for first-time parents. My job is actually to teach them how to be good parents.

I am actually a home visitor for first-time parents. My job is actually to teach them how to be good parents.

Remedial Parenting. :D

I am actually a home visitor for first-time parents. My job is actually to teach them how to be good parents.
so what do you teach them? what is important to you?

A good parent:

Defines clear expectations and boundaries.
Teaches by example.
Thinks of the kids first...but leaves room for his or herself too.
Expresses love at every opportunity.
Gives the child space to fail, and learn from mistakes.

A bad parent:

Is indifferent to his or her child's needs.
Or is so overprotective and clinging, that he or she becomes attached at the hip to the child.
Has no idea how to impose limits, and expectations depend on the parent's mood.
Can not adapt to new situations.

so what is your major goal as a parent? that the kid doesn't die/kill anyone by the time they are 18 and after that it's not your problem?
Not at all. My goal is that she'll turn out to be an emotionally stable, intelligent, educated and responsible adult, and she seems to be well on her way to that point. But I don't have a theory as to how to make that happen--I just wing it, and deal with each issue as it arises. I guess if I have a theory about parenting, it's the same as my theory about life in general--try as hard as you can not to be a dick to other people.

a good parent keeps in mind that they are not raising an obedient child but a reasonable adult. all parental actions are guided by that idea. for example a reasonable adult knows how to behave but doesnt let herself get pushed around.

a good parent keeps in mind how old their child is and what can reasonably be expected from a child of that age. you dont, for example, beat your 2 year old for telling you "NO". that is what a 2 year old is supposed to do.

a good parent learns to be patient, not to lose her temper and learns to let go of old "grudges" against the child.

a good parent recognizes that every child is different. she doesnt expect a child to conform to her idea of what she wants him to grow up to be but guides him to reaching his own goals in life.

a good parent provides strong rules that are fairly and consistantly enforced so that the child will feel secure

a good parent never lies to her child

my ultimate goal as a parent is to raise self sufficient children who will become self sufficient adults. It is more important to me to teach them how to think than it is for me to teach them what to think. I figure if they can pick apart any situation and figure it out, they will probably on the whole do a lot better in life than their peers who have "stock responses" that were instilled by their parents.

a good parent

knows their child, knows what they are capable of and expects their very best effort
sets a good example, models what they want in their child, if you want an honest child don't lie to them, if you want a hardworking child don't be lazy
sets real and definite limits for their child, a child needs a clear line between acceptable and unacceptable
is worthy of respect and also respects their children. you can't demand respect you have to earn it, and you earn respect by being respectful. don't make arbitrary rules, if every rule has a clear reason then your children are much more likely to obey
let's a child explore the world
let's a child be themselves, seriously kids are people not "mommy robots" they may have a personality that you hate, but you gotta let them be who they are
let's a child have the right to be angry (or any other emotion you have the right to) it's fine to be angry, it's how you deal with that anger that is important.


a bad parent

abuses their child (emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually ect.)
teaches their children a sense of entitilement
does things for their child that the child can obviously do for themselves
puts too much responsibility on a child (age inappropriate chores, or too much emotional stress)
doesn't spend the time to get to know their kid as a person
makes rules for dumb reasons (like "I had to do that when I was a kid")
sets no boundries
lets their children manipulate them


there is probably more.......I might come back and add.

A good parent:

- Teaches their child to love learning for the sake of learning
- Teaches their child to think for themselves
- Makes it clear that they care about their child
- Will punish children when they do wrong
- Will never strike a child
- Can support their child through the descisions they make, even if they dissagree with them

A Bad Parent:

- Strikes a child (It's called bullying everywhere else)
- Makes their child into a clone of themselves
- IS overprotective or apathetic
- Cannot differentiate between a child doing wrong and a child making a descision they dissagree with.

I'm not yet a parent (unless you count my dog, hehe), so I may be a bit idealistic and some of this may change, but I think some of these are important:

Good parent:
- Be HONEST, even when you have made a mistake. None of this, "I'm the parent so I always have to be 100% right," stuff
- Be inolved, in your child's education, activities, free time - make sure you are there for them as much as possible.
- Be loving and recognize your child for who they are, not who you might want them to be.
- Live by example. None of the "Do what I say do, not what I do," types.
- Let your child live and make their own mistakes, but guide them when they need it.
- Put your child before yourself, always, but remember that you need to be there for them and they will know if you are unhappy.


Bad parent:
- Dishonesty. Hides things from a child because they are a child and that somehow means they can't have knowledge.
- Let's the TV, daycare, school, or government raise their children.
- Pushes their child to do/be/think what they want, rather than looking at what the cihld wants/thinks.
- Over-shelters a child, never allowing them to fall and have to pick themselves up, or shelters them from any knowledge of sex/drugs/etc. as if that will keep them from doing it.
- Inability to place a child's needs before their own.


The goal of parenting is to guide your child through their emotional and social development so that they will be productive, responsible, and moral (although they may not agree with *all* of your moral views) adults.

A good parent loves their child, unconditionally.... and tries to show them a world that is worth loving.

A bad parent doesn't.


Everything else is 'technique'.

Well, I can give you my very personal view:

Good parent : Doesn't have kids

Bad parent : Essentially my parents

Apart from the obvious I see a good parent who manages to teach their children boundaries and doesn't overindulge them. If your kid ends up getting whatever he/she asks for and you decide to try to limit things, then the result will probably be that screaming kid you see at the supermarket.

Apart from the obvious I see a good parent who manages to teach their children boundaries and doesn't overindulge them. If your kid ends up getting whatever he/she asks for and you decide to try to limit things, then the result will probably be that screaming kid you see at the supermarket.
you kinda have to take a middle road. if you are too strict, you crush you childs spirit. if you are too lax, your child is a godawful brat.

My father, bad parent.- critical, absent,verbally abusive, self-centered.


My mother, good parent.-non-judgemental,present,suppotive and giving.

you kinda have to take a middle road. if you are too strict, you crush you childs spirit. if you are too lax, your child is a godawful brat.
I think the key is making sure that all your rules have a purpose. For example the rule (the only rule) my kids had until they were 2 was "don't hurt anyone, even yourself" when they turn 3 I add more rules.

My 4 year old seems to like rules, she can catagorize them, she has counted 186 (some of them are like "don't call 911 if it's not an emergency" and others are "don't take the fish out of the tank") but mostly she realizes that they can all be traced back to the 3 big rules of the house

1 don't hurt anyone even yourself
2 try not to break anything
3 try to be helpful if you can.

can we universally clarify a good or bad parent? personally i think that the authoritive role of the parent has to do with the relationship that they have with the child.

I love my three children very much and unconditionally. I know that I have not been the worlds best parent, but I have been the best parent I know how to be. The worst thing I have done as a parent is to stay married to my husband as long as I did, even though he was/is a f**k up as a father, because I listened to people telling me that staying together was best for my children. I should have listened to my heart instead. I had them when I was young and was still growing up myself really.

My ideal parenting involves much of what both Smunkeeville and Sinuhue have said, but sometimes I fall down on the job because I am human. Sometimes I have been critical, cranky, childish, selfish and non consistent. But I do have one rule that I follow throughout, when I do things wrong, I apologise and admit that I did. I try to be open and honest with my children, and they are very honest with me. In fact my friends are always amazed by the things my children tell me. I have three good friends who all have children the same ages as at least one of my three, and none of their children is as honest with them as mine are. I am proud to say that I am frequently complimented by people about how my children behave, and how nice they are. They are popular and well liked by adults and other children. I am hugely proud of them for everything that they are.

My children are now 17, 15 and 13 years old. Not without their problems, but they all talk to me and they all care about each other, other people and the world around them. I am proud to know them.

C, N & J, you are the lights of my life and I thank you.

Good Parent:
-Takes an interest in the childs education.
-Takes time to be with the child.
-Respects the childs integrity to some level.
-Push the child into becoming more.
-Express love and concern.
-Set the rules and make sure they are obeyed.
-Is fair.
-Talk to the child as an adult.
-Play with their child.

Bad parent:
-Everything opposed to the above.
-Physical abuse.
-Mental abuse.
-Forcing faith, political beliefs or just about anything on the child.
-Naming the child something ugly or something that rhymes with nasty words.
-Gives the child everything they point at, spoiling the kid.
-Unrestricted computer and television watching.
-Neglects the kid.

Uhh... and a thousand more points on both... there's just too much to cover and, that said, I think it's impossible to be a "perfect parent", you must just try as hard as you can... thankfully, I've dodged a few bullets so far and thus have a few more years to mature:)

Not at all. My goal is that she'll turn out to be an emotionally stable, intelligent, educated and responsible adult, and she seems to be well on her way to that point. But I don't have a theory as to how to make that happen--I just wing it, and deal with each issue as it arises. I guess if I have a theory about parenting, it's the same as my theory about life in general--try as hard as you can not to be a dick to other people.
*nods* with this :)

i think there's also got to be a recognition of respect as well... ie don't just treat your child as...well... a child. respect them as a mini-adult, respect their opinions ("childish" or no)... i don't know. i think i'm with nazz on this one: just wing it :P

Bad parenting:
Public ridicule.

C'mon! A bit of public humilation is good for building character, doncha know?

Good parenting:
Supportive of your child's goals.

And if their goals are killing their parents?
"Here, son. I'll help you with that noose. You want me tho put my head where?"

I love my three children very much and unconditionally. I know that I have not been the worlds best parent, but I have been the best parent I know how to be.

I think this is all anyone can ask of a parent.

The worst thing I have done as a parent is to stay married to my husband as long as I did, even though he was/is a f**k up as a father, because I listened to people telling me that staying together was best for my children. I should have listened to my heart instead.

This is a fairly common mistake I think, unfortunately. Even one of the parents isn't a total jerk, children know if their parents are in an unhappy marriage, but society says you should stay together "for the children." Marriage is certainly something that should be worked at, but when it's over, it's over, children or no. My mother stayed in a failing marriage for some 10 years because people told her the same thing. When they finally divorced, I realized that I couldn't remember a time when I had truly seen my mother happy - that I was seeing it for the first time.

I would say you did absolutely the right thing by getting out of it.

My ideal parenting involves much of what both Smunkeeville and Sinuhue have said, but sometimes I fall down on the job because I am human. Sometimes I have been critical, cranky, childish, selfish and non consistent. But I do have one rule that I follow throughout, when I do things wrong, I apologise and admit that I did. I try to be open and honest with my children, and they are very honest with me.

All of this sounds absolutely wonderful. You may not be the absolute best parent in the world, but I'd say, just based off of this, that you are better than most.

All of this sounds absolutely wonderful. You may not be the absolute best parent in the world, but I'd say, just based off of this, that you are better than most.

Thank you so very much, you just made me cry. :fluffle: My children are the worlds very best as far as I am concerned. They were strong for me when I needed them, and I hope that I can be strong for them whenever they need me.

I think the key is making sure that all your rules have a purpose. For example the rule (the only rule) my kids had until they were 2 was "don't hurt anyone, even yourself" when they turn 3 I add more rules.

My 4 year old seems to like rules, she can catagorize them, she has counted 186 (some of them are like "don't call 911 if it's not an emergency" and others are "don't take the fish out of the tank") but mostly she realizes that they can all be traced back to the 3 big rules of the house

1 don't hurt anyone even yourself
2 try not to break anything
3 try to be helpful if you can.

you forgot the most important rule of all

dont say the same thing over and over!

its the one thing that just sends me over the edge. its been strictly forbidden in my house for about 19years.