Long Distance Relationships
Europa alpha
13-03-2006, 02:17
I know quite a few people who try it.
My brother and his boyfriend are long-distance, they are working out, every couple of weekends they meet up and ... well. im sure you can guess.
Anyway! if it can work for my bro and countless others
CAN IT WORK?
Would it work for you?
Would you recommend it for me? or should i wait till me and her move to the capital.
Secluded Islands
13-03-2006, 02:19
i had a g/f that lived 2 hours away. it only lasted a week... :(
I know quite a few people who try it.
My brother and his boyfriend are long-distance, they are working out, every couple of weekends they meet up and ... well. im sure you can guess.
Anyway! if it can work for my bro and countless others
CAN IT WORK?
Would it work for you?
Would you recommend it for me? or should i wait till me and her move to the capital.
NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONO!
Long distance relationships are inherently flawed. Trust me. I've had experience with them, and they never work out. No, I take that back: a few do. But that's a few out of a million, to pull a random huge number out of nowhere. Relationships in person are hard enough to maintain. Long-distance relationships just don't work at all.
I don't recomend it as it's not fun at all. Your relationship also has to be really strong and you both have to have close to absolute trust in each other.
And even then... All I can say is waiting 4 months to be able to see my fiancee for a month or a month and a half isn't my idea of a fun time. Especially when we're 5,000 miles apart so usually we're only voices on the phone or words on the screen.
They meet for alittle http://peta-sucks.com/smf/Smileys/default/icon_bananasex.gif eh?
I was in a long distance relationship once durring HS. It ended but not over being long distance.
They meet for alittle eeeeeevilemoticon eh?
I was in a long distance relationship once durring HS. It ended but not over being long distance.
That emoticon will give me nightmares for days. Thanks a lot.
The Green Plague
13-03-2006, 02:42
I think it depends on two things:
1. Your maturity level (both of you)
2. Your goals for the relationship (both of you)
Let me explain: 1st your maturity level, if you are going to act like a spoiled teen, and cry about it if she doesnt come see you every weekend or every two weeks, then, no, you are doomed. 2nd your goals. If you are just in it for casual every long once in a while animal sex.. you have a good plan.... if you are in it for long term commitment, again good plan...IF, she wants the same. if you want the funky monkey sex, and she wants a hubby, you are doomed. You two have to be on the same page (or so I am told, have never tried it).
I suppose it depends on how important regular sex is to you.
Other than that, I suppose if you enjoy having something to generate angst about, it's good. Damn emos.
Rangerville
13-03-2006, 03:04
My brother and his girlfriend had a long distance relationship for awhile. They met and started dating here then after a couple of years my brother moved to Vancouver for school and work. She saved up and moved in with him after a year or so. They'll have been together for nine years in October. It can work, but you have to want it to work, and of course it helps if you know you will be together for good at some point.
Stone Bridges
13-03-2006, 03:14
My girlfriend lives in Washington (state) and I live in North Carolina. She'll be finishing up school this year, and then she'll move here. We're not in an offical relationship, we've just decided to wait for one another. Anyways I hope it works, because this is one of the rare people I've been able to really connect with.
The problem is that it's just so hard to get to know someone via text alone. You miss out on so much, really. It's just...trust me. I know from PERSONAL experience. It's not worth it. You can find someone who shares your interests locally. I did. Took me a while and predictably she was right under my nose the whole time, but I did.
Rangerville
13-03-2006, 03:22
Long distance relationships don't always come about though because you meet someone on-line or meet someone far away. Sometimes you meet a person in your town, get together, but then one of you has to move away, so your relationship becomes long distance, even though it didn't begin that way.
Stone Bridges
13-03-2006, 03:23
The problem is that it's just so hard to get to know someone via text alone. You miss out on so much, really. It's just...trust me. I know from PERSONAL experience. It's not worth it. You can find someone who shares your interests locally. I did. Took me a while and predictably she was right under my nose the whole time, but I did.
Yea, but that doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone is going to find a person locally. It;s much more than common intrest, it's who you can really connect with.
Yea, but that doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone is going to find a person locally. It;s much more than common intrest, it's who you can really connect with.
Indeed. It took me a while to find that too, and luckily I found it all in the same person.
Ranger: There is that, I suppose. But that's a one in a million case, really. How often does that occur? And how often IN those cases do the couple really bother to try keeping the relationship going?
Rangerville
13-03-2006, 03:27
Aside from my brother and his girlfriend? I don't know.
Stone Bridges
13-03-2006, 03:30
Indeed. It took me a while to find that too, and luckily I found it all in the same person.
Ranger: There is that, I suppose. But that's a one in a million case, really. How often does that occur? And how often IN those cases do the couple really bother to try keeping the relationship going?
Well I've been lucky all throughtout my life, so I'm not afraid to roll the dice.
That emoticon will give me nightmares for days. Thanks a lot.
It will probably get the poster banned, too. A friendly suggestion to edit it out before the mods notice. (Texpunditstan was forumbanned for a week for something similar back in May or June, for instance.)
Well I've been lucky all throughtout my life, so I'm not afraid to roll the dice.
Alright then. Good luck to you. I do mean that. Just remember what I said. AND BE CAREFUL.
Czardas: Done.
They can work sometimes.
One of my friends went to England on an exchange and two weeks in, he meets this girl, they start dating and continued to do so... then he came back here, they've been dating long distance since April or so and they're going to move in together when he's done school (they're both moving to Amsterdam)
I couldn't do it. I'm a very physical man and I need to be able to hug or do, other things, without driving or flying 3-16 hours. Also, being unable to do things like making breakfast in bed, or setting roses next to their purse when I want to, would not work.
If I truly loved the woman, I'd do my damned best to try, but I don't think I could do it.
Wallonochia
13-03-2006, 04:23
I had a girlfriend in Michigan when I lived in Germany, a few years back. Let's just say that it wasn't exactly easy.
Long distance relationships are generally far more trouble than they're worth.
They can work sometimes.
One of my friends went to England on an exchange and two weeks in, he meets this girl, they start dating and continued to do so... then he came back here, they've been dating long distance since April or so and they're going to move in together when he's done school (they're both moving to Amsterdam)
Has anyone besides myself noticed that there is something incredibly sexy about everything Dakini says?? Just curious...... if it's just me, perhaps I have a crush..
Let me tell you a little story...
When I was 12, I met a girl. She lived in Florida, I lived in Minnesota. 7 years later, we're MADLY in love and can't stop thinking about each other. We haven't even met face-to-face yet we talk as often as possible. I'm going to meet her this summer for the first time.
I adore long-distance relationships.
Has anyone besides myself noticed that there is something incredibly sexy about everything Dakini says?? Just curious...... if it's just me, perhaps I have a crush..
Where's a blushing emoticon when you need one?
Where's a blushing emoticon when you need one?
You see, there is this beautiful relationship Dakini and I have from long distances... where did you say you are again?? It seems to be working quite well...
Cabra West
13-03-2006, 08:02
Well, I've been in some sort of long-distance relationship for over 2 years now (Ireland-Germany).
It did work well for most of the time, but then it started out as long-distance relationship, not as a normal see-you-every-day relationship. We had problems, in fact, we are having some now, I've no idea how long it's going to last or where it's going atm, though.
I think the vitally important thing is communication. I'm talking to him via IM for several hours each day, while at work. If that wasn't the case any more, it would be a matter of weeks, possibly days, before it would all drift apart.
Ellanesse
13-03-2006, 08:13
My husband and I met online. I lived in the states, and him in Sweden. The time difference, the distance, the cost of phone calls, sleeping alone in a bed... these are all things you've got to keep in mind. It's going to be difficult. There are (obviously) ways to make it work, but some people can't/won't make it through. It really depends on how well you know each other, how committed you are, and how long you're willing to be separated from them physically. Don't fool yourself, it's a rough trip, but in the end it's definitely worth it. I personally feel that you get to know the person better, because of the time spent talking instead of just monkey-loving the first section of the relationship. Couples who make it can turn out to be stronger together because they've been through a bit of a challange and cleared the obstacle course to be together, so to speak, IMHO.
Anglo-Utopia
13-03-2006, 18:17
I kinda had an on off relationship with this girl in michigan. I live in london so that is pretty distant. Anyway, I should be heading off to michigan later this year. See what happens.
Wallonochia
13-03-2006, 18:23
I kinda had an on off relationship with this girl in michigan. I live in london so that is pretty distant. Anyway, I should be heading off to michigan later this year. See what happens.
Bring a coat, it's cold up here.
Armistria
13-03-2006, 18:31
I'd say it depends on how serious you are. If it's just a sexual thing, then I'd say it won't last very long (believe me if you're not that serious and it's only physical then if you don't see them for a while, things can turn cold and you realise that they weren't that great). But yes, generally I find long-distance relationships don't work. At least when they start off that way. I find that they work better if you live nearby and then if you move away, you can try to make it work. But really, if you thought that there was little chance of you ever being 'near' each other locationally for a long time afterwards, I doubt that you'd go through all that hassle if it didn't seem like it would pay off.
Where's a blushing emoticon when you need one?
*I am not posting in this thread. You have seen nothing. Move along there.* (http://70.85.81.229/3630/189/emo/blush.gif)
Portu Cale MK3
13-03-2006, 18:36
My girlfriend lives 300 km from me, I only get to see her in the weekends.
And that's great, considering that we wouldnt have time to each other in the weeks, anyway :p
It depends from couple to couple
Pure Metal
13-03-2006, 19:24
I think it depends on two things:
1. Your maturity level (both of you)
2. Your goals for the relationship (both of you)
Let me explain: 1st your maturity level, if you are going to act like a spoiled teen, and cry about it if she doesnt come see you every weekend or every two weeks, then, no, you are doomed. 2nd your goals. If you are just in it for casual every long once in a while animal sex.. you have a good plan.... if you are in it for long term commitment, again good plan...IF, she wants the same. if you want the funky monkey sex, and she wants a hubby, you are doomed. You two have to be on the same page (or so I am told, have never tried it).
i think there's a lot of truth to this post... but it also applies to regular non-long-term relationships and their longevity, obviously. just you expressly have to both be on the same page and know that's the case with each other in the long distance one.
communication and being open and trusting are very important. knowing what you want, where you're going and being able to talk about anything, to want to try and share in each other's day and lives as much as possible despite being apart... its (part of) what makes it work imho, but also what makes it hard. you do have to be strong, mature, 'on the same page' and committed for a long-haul (or as long as possible)... its not for those who just want a quick shag every now and then or for those who just want a short term relationship (for whatever reason i can't fathom). because of the nature of the relationship you both should know what you're letting yourselves in for, as it will be hard when you can't see each other, but very much worth it imo (depending on the person and all sorts of course)
i don't think there's any steadfast rule as to whether long distance relationships work or not. i think that's a generalisation too far: it will work for some and not others, dependent on a whole bunch of things (i just tried to talk about above)
i'm in a "long" distance relationship with a fellow NSer (for those few who don't know or who have the observation skills of a small blind vole)... i say "long" because she's only an hour away, but we don't get to see each other all that much (not as much as a 'normal'/non-long-distance relationship, anyway). lately its been twice a week, and we've seen each other 7 times in the last month. thats a lot compared to a lot of long distance relationships, i'm sure, but the majority of our communication is still done via IM/email/txt... it is hard sometimes but then there's not even a doubt in my mind as to whether its worth it or not :) :fluffle:
and they're going to move in together when he's done school (they're both moving to Amsterdam)
ooooooh very cool! *loves that city*
Anglo-Utopia
13-03-2006, 19:37
Bring a coat, it's cold up here.
It's cold here too:D
see that emoticon? It's blue from the cold *shivers* lol
Wallonochia
13-03-2006, 19:50
It's cold here too:D
see that emoticon? It's blue from the cold *shivers* lol
What part of Michigan are you going to? In the summer it's quite nice all over the state, but in the winter it gets rather brutal in the UP.
People without names
13-03-2006, 20:06
all i have to say is, try it, what do you have to lose
it works for a very few, but you never know if you are one of the few.
Entropic Creation
13-03-2006, 20:44
Long distance relationships rarely work because in order for it to be a real relationship you need to have regular physical contact (IMHO). If you only ever talk on the phone or by text, then you are more pen pals than a couple.
If it starts out locally, and you see each other enough to form a real bond, then someone moves away, you have a good chance at maintaining those feelings (though you should still make sure to see each other at least once a month if at all possible). Humans need physical contact. It’s as simple as that - and no, I'm not just talking about sex – though that’s good too ;)
Were I to be in a relationship and one of us had to move away, then I would not expect it to really continue as it was. While I would still stay in close contact (lots of e-mails and phone calls and whatnot) but it would not be the same. We would each be completely free to go out and have a life. If we can find away to get back together then that would be fantastic and we can renew the relationship.
I see no problem with picking up where you left off and would not expect anyone to not go out and enjoy life. If we cannot find a way to get back together and she meets someone and falls in love with them, good for her. I'm glad she found someone that makes her happy. Life is too short not to enjoy it, and it is just selfish to expect someone to live their life just chatting online (though I'm sure there are a lot of you who don’t have a real life anyway, so I guess it doesn’t make much difference… if this is the case go out and get a life – join a club, go to a bar or cafe, meet people in real life – the truth is out there but you have to leave your room!).
Even if it isn’t long distance, even just in regular old girl-from-across-the-hall relationships you should just enjoy the time you have together. When it ends, just count yourself lucky to have had the time you had. Don’t mope and mourn, just be happy with what you had while you had it and move on. Maybe you'll get back together, maybe you wont. Either way, get on with your life.
Heron-Marked Warriors
13-03-2006, 21:58
I think that, depending on how serious both of you are about the relationship, they can and do work. Sure, they fail a lot of the time, but so do regular distance relationships. Communication, real communication, not just talking, is the key, IMO.
That and masturbation:p
Longdistance, its difficult as hell, but worth it too if your with the right person.. I've been with my bf now for about 8-9 months now... I miss him like crzy and he didn't pickup his phone tonight:( , but thats not the point. I know one guy, his parents married after a long distance relationship thing, they met on a holiday and one lived in australia and the other in the netherlands... so it can work out:D one moved to the other after a while