NationStates Jolt Archive

I am creating a comprehensive school counseling program to reduce bullying in an elementary school as a group project. Part of the project is a lit review of studies about bullying, and the list of effects of bullying was sobering. I was bullied in middle school and I know I still suffer some of the effects. This poll isn't written as well as it could be, considering that only 10 options are allowed, but I was wondering if anybody here was bullied as a kid (or is now) and how you think it affected you?

As for the poll itself: I forgot to include "affected personal relationships" so please include it under the "socializing" one. If you don't think bullying has affected you and you feel like berating the people who have been affected, start a new post or something, please.

I am creating a comprehensive school counseling program to reduce bullying in an elementary school as a group project. Part of the project is a lit review of studies about bullying, and the list of effects of bullying was sobering. I was bullied in middle school and I know I still suffer some of the effects. This poll isn't written as well as it could be, considering that only 10 options are allowed, but I was wondering if anybody here was bullied as a kid (or is now) and how you think it affected you?
I was bullied as a young boy. At the time I was very skinny and weak. It made me a bit fearful and unwilling to confront people. My time in the military helped me get over it ... and then some! :D

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy? If everyone would just be their own person and stop believing and subconsciously applying what the media tells them, the world would probably be a much better place.
In short, suck it up.

I was wondering if anybody here was bullied as a kid (or is now) and how you think it affected you?
I was bullied a lot at school at it made me very depressed (almost suicidal). Long term, however, I think the effect has been positive, as I have a tendency to procrastinate and it's only bullying that has given me a strong enough desire to actually try to improve the world (rather than just sit back and hope someone else does something). You'll have to ask me again in ten years whether it was worth it...

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy? If everyone would just be their own person and stop believing and subconsciously applying what the media tells them, the world would probably be a much better place.
In short, suck it up.

I'm glad you weren't affected adversely. Please don't judge others, they didn't ask for it then and they certainly aren't now.

Hmmm, I was bullied in Primary School (7 -11 years of age to be specific), and, concurrent to other factors, it has affected me immensely, insofar as depression, anxiety, acquiesence and periodic apathy are ramifications.

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy?
I presume you're talking about verbal bullying? If you're getting beaten up every day then I think it's a bit difficult not to let it affect you.

I was bullied. I more or less gotten over it over the years. The only effect I have is "apathy" in general. My guess is, I'd be just as apathetic if I wasn't bullied anyhow.

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy? If everyone would just be their own person and stop believing and subconsciously applying what the media tells them, the world would probably be a much better place.
In short, suck it up.

That's bullshit. The media didn't tell me to cry myself to sleep when I was bullied at school. No-one told me that it should affect me that way. I knew it did, no-one had to tell me, jerk.

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy? If everyone would just be their own person and stop believing and subconsciously applying what the media tells them, the world would probably be a much better place.
In short, suck it up.

That's how I got over how I was treated in public school. I just stopped listening to my dad telling me I should hate all of those people.

I really didn't get bullied by other kids (I might've been skinny, but I was usually the next-tallest kid in every class I was in). It was the teachers who picked on me. :p

I presume you're talking about verbal bullying? If you're getting beaten up every day then I think it's a bit difficult not to let it affect you.

I would think so as well. I was lucky that I wasn't bullied in that way.

I got paranoia from it. If I'm outside and I hear people laughing, I usually think their laughing at me. Which can cause problems.

I am creating a comprehensive school counseling program to reduce bullying in an elementary school as a group project. Part of the project is a lit review of studies about bullying, and the list of effects of bullying was sobering. I was bullied in middle school and I know I still suffer some of the effects. This poll isn't written as well as it could be, considering that only 10 options are allowed, but I was wondering if anybody here was bullied as a kid (or is now) and how you think it affected you?

If I was bullied I don't remember it. I don't think I was. When I was in my late teens, Johnny tried it but I whipped his ass in a fair fight.

Hmmm, I was bullied in Primary School (7 -11 years of age to be specific), and, concurrent to other factors, it has affected me immensely, insofar as depression, anxiety, acquiesence and periodic apathy are ramifications.
Yeah, acquiesence is a bitch.

I was bullied in junior high, and it made me violent and untrusting in highschool. I stil feel some anxiety and fearfulness about being around new people, and still am a little paranoid about how close I let a new person get. (although a lot of other crap also happened to me, so those things might not be related to the bullying)

I presume you're talking about verbal bullying? If you're getting beaten up every day then I think it's a bit difficult not to let it affect you.
I was physically beaten, mostly between fifth and eighth grade. The self-fulfilling prophesy I am referring to is not what the bullies are saying, but what the affect the media tells us it should have on us.
Please don't judge others, they didn't ask for it then and they certainly aren't now.
Very few asked to be judged, but I don't care.

I got paranoia from it.
Hmm...what about fear of commitment? Just in relationships in this case. I got that.

I stil feel some anxiety and fearfulness about being around new people, and still am a little paranoid about how close I let a new person get.

I get that, too, but it's not from bullying. It's from being shut in by my dad for almost nine years.

It was too early for me to remember clearly how it affected me, and I don't think it was serious enough to have a great effect.

It hurt my self-esteem in some areas - I can still be very shy sometimes, and very insecure regarding, say, dating - but on the other hand it made me very much value and take pride in traits in which I always surpassed the bullies, like intelligence and wit.

It probably made me somewhat colder and more repressive of my emotions, though that was my own doing, too, later on, and helped lead to my instinctive determination to appear strong in front of others.

It put into me - or enhanced, more likely - a strong sense of individualism and a sharp dislike of both oppressors and the meek sheep who follow them.

I was physically beaten, mostly between fifth and eighth grade. The self-fulfilling prophesy I am referring to is not what the bullies are saying, but what the affect the media tells us it should have on us.

Very few asked to be judged, but I don't care.

Evidently not caring not demonstrating an emotional hardening:rolleyes:

Hmm...what about fear of commitment? Just in relationships in this case. I got that.

Hmmm, my relationships never seem to last, but that's usually because I get sick of my girlfriend. So maybe.

I got paranoia from it. If I'm outside and I hear people laughing, I usually think their laughing at me. Which can cause problems.
Learn to cultivate your attitude of "I don't give a shit!" :D

I get that, too, but it's not from bullying. It's from being shut in by my dad for almost nine years.
yeah, I had such a screwed up childhood it's really difficult to try to trace my problems now back to a specific event or trouble. It's much easier to just try to change the stuff I don't like and try to not dwell in the past about the crap I had to put up with.

Maybe there is a little clarification needed for this post. There are many types of bullying, and they can all produce terrible adverse effects in victims. Most people think of overt, or physical, bullying, which is just what it sounds like: hitting, kicking, tripping, "beating up" and stealing lunch money, what have you. There is also what is known as covert, or relational, bullying, which is more nuanced. This could include spreading rumors, teasing, excluding from a group, name-calling, etc. There are many ways to bully somebody, and bullies get very creative: destroying somebody's things, stealing clothing or posessions (very popular in gym class locker rooms), making somebody the butt of sexual jokes, sexual harassment or assault, making "slam books," grafitti about somebody, etc.

In essence, just because somebody was bullied in a different way doesn't mean it isn't particularly bad. Generally, the more severe the bullying and the longer it goes on, the worse the effects. Some people get over it, some people say it helped them, and I'm glad of it, but like I always say, you never know what you would have been like if you hadn't been bullied, do you?

Hmm...what about fear of commitment? Just in relationships in this case. I got that.

Crap, I didn't have room for "affected personal relationships." That is most certainly an effect, as research has shown.

yeah, I had such a screwed up childhood it's really difficult to try to trace my problems now back to a specific event or trouble. It's much easier to just try to change the stuff I don't like and try to not dwell in the past about the crap I had to put up with.

I try to do that, but it's fucking difficult when I'm around the cause of the problem 24/7, and have no way of escaping said cause for some time to come.

PUBLIC NOTICE: Get over having been bullied or being bullied currently by building yourself a series of small victories in areas where you feel confident. Then build on that by slowly branching out to small victories in other areas. Begin a program of physical development and build small victories there as well. Continue this until your confidence increases. When your confidence and physical development reach concurrent peaks, look up those who bullied you and kick the everlovin' shit outta them! LOL!

Actually, I was in a position to do that after returning from Vietnam, but I felt so sorry for them that I just went on building my life without exacting revenge. :)

I try to do that, but it's fucking difficult when I'm around the cause of the problem 24/7, and have no way of escaping said cause for some time to come.
Change your focus to something you CAN do something about ... like becoming more like what you want yourself to be.

PUBLIC NOTICE: Get over having been bullied or being bullied currently by building yourself a series of small victories in areas where you feel confident. Then build on that by slowly branching out to small victories in other areas. Begin a program of physical development and build small victories there as well. Continue this until your confidence increases. When your confidence and physical development reach concurrent peaks, look up those who bullied you and kick the everlovin' shit outta them! LOL!

Actually, I was in a position to do that after returning from Vietnam, but I felt so sorry for them that I just went on building my life without exacting revenge. :)

I'm actually a very confident person; I don't mind speaking my mind in public around others. So long as I'm nowhere near my dad, that is. And that isn't often.

I say this because he's a prick. I rarely talk around him because there's a big chance that he'll crack a smart-ass joke about how stupid I am for saying something (he's done this around relatives). He also makes fun of me for liking music that he doesn't much care for (I recently bought some Rush albums; he went on about how stupid that was in only a way he could manage to do).

And he says that I bully him, because I don't like spending time with him. Hm, I wonder why I don't like doing that.

I try to do that, but it's fucking difficult when I'm around the cause of the problem 24/7, and have no way of escaping said cause for some time to come.
ah, but you don't have to let them in your head. I have to interact with a family member on a near daily basis that is probably the cause for many of my emotional and self image problems, but I have decided that she can't live in my head rent free, meaning that whatever she says to me goes through a brief screening period where I ask my self a few select questions

1 is this helpful?
2 is this something that bothers me about myself?
3 is this something I need to research further?

99% of the time the crap she says is none of these things, so I choose to consider the source and don't think about it.

Yesterday she said "you are the scum of the earth, you are lower than low"
and I think
"is this helpful?"
nope.
"is this something that bothers me about myself?"
nope, it's not even true.

so do I care that she thinks this about me? nope. I can't even control her thoughts about me, I can however control my thoughs, and I choose not to waste time thinking about her.

ah, but you don't have to let them in your head. I have to interact with a family member on a near daily basis that is probably the cause for many of my emotional and self image problems, but I have decided that she can't live in my head rent free, meaning that whatever she says to me goes through a brief screening period where I ask my self a few select questions

1 is this helpful?
2 is this something that bothers me about myself?
3 is this something I need to research further?

99% of the time the crap she says is none of these things, so I choose to consider the source and don't think about it.

Yesterday she said "you are the scum of the earth, you are lower than low"
and I think
"is this helpful?"
nope.
"is this something that bothers me about myself?"
nope, it's not even true.

so do I care that she thinks this about me? nope. I can't even control her thoughts about me, I can however control my thoughs, and I choose not to waste time thinking about her.

Heh, that's actually what I started doing not long ago. My dad goes apeshit on me for little to no reason, complete with namecalling, and about how I'm "psychotic", "a fucking moron", "a no-good longhair", etc.. When he goes on his hour-long shouting rants, I usually just don't even listen, because it's the same load of bullshit each time.

All because I don't clean the house floor to ceiling every single day. Hahahaha.

ah, but you don't have to let them in your head. I have to interact with a family member on a near daily basis that is probably the cause for many of my emotional and self image problems, but I have decided that she can't live in my head rent free, meaning that whatever she says to me goes through a brief screening period where I ask my self a few select questions

1 is this helpful?
2 is this something that bothers me about myself?
3 is this something I need to research further?

99% of the time the crap she says is none of these things, so I choose to consider the source and don't think about it.

Yesterday she said "you are the scum of the earth, you are lower than low"
and I think
"is this helpful?"
nope.
"is this something that bothers me about myself?"
nope, it's not even true.

so do I care that she thinks this about me? nope. I can't even control her thoughts about me, I can however control my thoughs, and I choose not to waste time thinking about her.

Sounds like you're dealing with adult bullying. This is inherently different from childhood bullying because during preadolescent/teen years, the opinion of our peers is usually of paramount importance. This is why bullying is such a tough thing to shake, developmentally...it burns certain messages in our brain, whether it's "I'll show them by becoming better than they are," or "I'm worthless and nobody loves me," or "The world is a scary place and people aren't to be trusted," or what-have-you.

Of course, child abuse by one's parent is worse, I'll grant you that.

Crap, I didn't have room for "affected personal relationships." That is most certainly an effect, as research has shown.
I would suggest editing the OP for people to post, or tell people to vote under something.

I say this because he's a prick. I rarely talk around him because there's a big chance that he'll crack a smart-ass joke about how stupid I am for saying something (he's done this around relatives). He also makes fun of me for liking music that he doesn't much care for (I recently bought some Rush albums; he went on about how stupid that was in only a way he could manage to do).
oh, for that I do what I learned from an episode of Gilmore Girls (cheesy I know)

take his criticism as a compliment, I mean if you really don't like him and all he is about then it would make sense that he wouldn't like or understand what you are about, so it's like a compliment every single time he doesn't like your music or your clothes, or the way you talk. It's like him saying "wow, you are completely different than me" and what more could you hope for?

it burns certain messages in our brain..."I'll show them by becoming better than they are,"

Oh, that one is still burnt in mine.

Sounds like you're dealing with adult bullying. This is inherently different from childhood bullying because during preadolescent/teen years, the opinion of our peers is usually of paramount importance. This is why bullying is such a tough thing to shake, developmentally...it burns certain messages in our brain, whether it's "I'll show them by becoming better than they are," or "I'm worthless and nobody loves me," or "The world is a scary place and people aren't to be trusted," or what-have-you.

Of course, child abuse by one's parent is worse, I'll grant you that.
oh I had childhood bullying too, I was the kid that everyone made fun of then waited for outside school to jump. ;)

ah, but you don't have to let them in your head. I have to interact with a family member on a near daily basis that is probably the cause for many of my emotional and self image problems, but I have decided that she can't live in my head rent free, meaning that whatever she says to me goes through a brief screening period where I ask my self a few select questions

1 is this helpful?
2 is this something that bothers me about myself?
3 is this something I need to research further?

99% of the time the crap she says is none of these things, so I choose to consider the source and don't think about it.

Yesterday she said "you are the scum of the earth, you are lower than low"
and I think
"is this helpful?"
nope.
"is this something that bothers me about myself?"
nope, it's not even true.

so do I care that she thinks this about me? nope. I can't even control her thoughts about me, I can however control my thoughs, and I choose not to waste time thinking about her.
In the meantime, you will just be her regular doormat? If there is no basis for her comments, then you can call her on her BS.

I would suggest editing the OP for people to post

? how

oh, for that I do what I learned from an episode of Gilmore Girls (cheesy I know)

take his criticism as a compliment, I mean if you really don't like him and all he is about then it would make sense that he wouldn't like or understand what you are about, so it's like a compliment every single time he doesn't like your music or your clothes, or the way you talk. It's like him saying "wow, you are completely different than me" and what more could you hope for?

I do something similar. I don't take it as a compliment; rather, I smile to myself, because I know he has no clue.

It'd be fine if we were completely different from each other without his animosity, but he's taken the low road too many times for it to be that simple.

As the target of bullying that ran the gamut from verbal abuse to physical abuse to abuse by misleading authority from age 7 to age 14, I know it had some affect. I have fairly strong avoidance behaviour, and tend to lock myself away from other people without thinking about it. I make very few friends. I am absolutely awful at meeting new people and completely incapable of making a phone call without being nervous. Friends tell me I have a bad self image, I just call myself a realist (in all honesty, I'm an arrogant pig, I just don't act like it). I don't trust authority at all, and go out of my way to spite it at times. I tend to be overly hostile when I don't have to be. I have a habit of disliking people according to the clothes they wear, or the style they fit into, because it screams to me of the same preps who would beat me up in locker rooms.

That said, Its all fairly irrational, so I try my best to throw it all off, and I succeded for the most part, when it all ended.

I try to do that, but it's fucking difficult when I'm around the cause of the problem 24/7, and have no way of escaping said cause for some time to come.
aw :(
what happened to that plan of going to UCLA and moving to your sisters? (if you don't mind talking about it on here, that is)


myself, i've never really been bullied. i seem to remember there was a kid who was labelled by my parents as a bully in primary school, and IIRC they complained and his parents got called in, blah, blah... but i don't remember what the kid ever did to me, so i guess it couldn't have been that bad.

however around that time i did have a teacher who was a bully to me. she used to emphatically call me 'stupid' in front of the class pretty much every day - it later turned out i was dyslexic, and that was the reason behind my academic "stupidity" at that stage. she used to do little things like making me eat lunch on my own randomly, or shout at me loads for drinking my apple juice before eating my sandwich (for some reason i remember that one clearly). i was too young to realise what was going on, but i used to come home from school every day for a year, crying.

what did it do to me? its difficult to say... somewhere along the line i lost an awful lot of confidence but that was later on in school. i just don't know. i have been depressed and i do find it hard to trust most people, and i have suffered a social anxiety disorder, but i can't be sure any of those are linked to that *shrugs*

? how
On every post of yours, there is an edit/delte button in the lower right-hand corner. Click it, and BAM! you can edit.

aw :(
what happened to that plan of going to UCLA and moving to your sisters? (if you don't mind talking about it on here, that is)

Oh, that could still happen. I could go to a lot of places for uni. I'm even thinking about Minnesota (but LA is a hell of a great location).


And that sucks about the teacher bullying. I see that as the worst kind, because there's really nothing you can do to somebody like that.

I'm actually a very confident person; I don't mind speaking my mind in public around others. So long as I'm nowhere near my dad, that is. And that isn't often.

I say this because he's a prick. I rarely talk around him because there's a big chance that he'll crack a smart-ass joke about how stupid I am for saying something (he's done this around relatives). He also makes fun of me for liking music that he doesn't much care for (I recently bought some Rush albums; he went on about how stupid that was in only a way he could manage to do).

And he says that I bully him, because I don't like spending time with him. Hm, I wonder why I don't like doing that.
Tell him! What the hell can you lose???

Tell him! What the hell can you lose???

All of my personal belongings, a place to live... I'll lose a lot of I do that. :p

I don't like using people, but sometimes, it's necessary.

On every post of yours, there is an edit/delte button in the lower right-hand corner. Click it, and BAM! you can edit.

Oh, I know that, I thought there was a way to edit a poll. Thanks though.

All of my personal belongings, a place to live... I'll lose a lot of I do that. :p

I don't like using people, but sometimes, it's necessary.

I hear that. :(

All of my personal belongings, a place to live... I'll lose a lot of I do that. :p

I don't like using people, but sometimes, it's necessary.
How old are you? Do you have any job skills?

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy? If everyone would just be their own person and stop believing and subconsciously applying what the media tells them, the world would probably be a much better place.
In short, suck it up.


Remind me to beat your ass and torment you everyday for 12 years, I'm sure it won't affect you. :rolleyes:

How old are you? Do you have any job skills?

I'm 18 on the 14th. And job skills... Let's see...

Well, my dad doesn't let me work (it's *really* screwy: I'm not going to get into it at the moment). I'm good at physical stuff (I'm pretty fast and I can lift heavy things), plus I'm learning to play music.

I'm 18 on the 14th. And job skills... Let's see...

Well, my dad doesn't let me work (it's *really* screwy: I'm not going to get into it at the moment). I'm good at physical stuff (I'm pretty fast and I can lift heavy things), plus I'm learning to play music.
After the 14th, start looking for a job ... virtually anything. When you find one, move in with a friend and start working. Finish school on your own, then work your ass off to get into a field you think you might like. And whatever you do ... never, ever give up!

After the 14th, start looking for a job ... virtually anything. When you find one, move in with a friend and start working. Finish school on your own, then work your ass off to get into a field you think you might like. And whatever you do ... never, ever give up!

1: I don't have any friends now, because my dad made me tell my best friend to (in so many words) "fuck off", just because he forgot to return a phonecall on a very busy day. We keep in touch via e-mail, but I can't go over to his house without my dad knowing about it, and he only lives down the street, so if I moved in with him... Ehh.

2: I get my school books via correspondence. Said correspondence is delivered directly to this house, and only my dad can change the delivery address.

I have plans, though. Once I finish my correspondence school (which won't take too many more months), I'll be off to a distant university. See, the situation's not completely dire. :p

How about becoming a non-violent, happy person who can always see the best in people?

Have your revenge: live well and laugh at their pathetic little lives later.

That or become their boss. ;)

Have your revenge: live well and laugh at their pathetic little lives later.

I will, and I shall laugh through the night in celebration. Nyah!

I was never really bullied; I've always been relatively popular amongst those I know, so there were only a few people who could bully me anyways and those that did had to deal with the people I was friends with in addition to my own ability to address the problem.

How about becoming a non-violent, happy person who can always see the best in people?

Simplicity incarnate then....

Uuhhh... where is the "did not affect me in any way" option?

It's affected me in several ways, and I praise you for doing work to reduce it. Lack of skill in socializing, apathy, grief, and so on.

Do it and do it well, Illie. Thank you.

Uuhhh... where is the "did not affect me in any way" option?

I'm wondering that too; honestly, any bullying I did recieve made me more sociable because I realized having plenty of friends willing to back me up and being popular greatly reduced my chances of being bullied.

The best thing was, I didn't have the pressure to conform because I was in honors classes that were separated from the scum (and trust me, they were...it's not condescention but fact) in the regular classes. I wasn't bullied and was able to develop interests independent of others' opinions because they were mature enough to not judge solely on my interests.

bullying is a part of life, not just in schools, and people complain at all levels of it. and in some cases it has become pathetic what some people consider bullying. if you never get used to the fact that some people arnt going to like you and the world doesnt revolve around you and everyone doesnt have to be nice to you, then theres going to be even bigger issues later on in life

I haven’t suffered bullying myself but I have seen it and can say it tends to make them much more isolationist if there a boy and more destructive if its a girl too be honest the best method in my view any place could adopt to counter bullying is by teaching others to help I know I could of done allot more to help people which makes me feel sick with myself from time to time (could come under long term affects of bullying I suppose)

Don’t forget that from time to time a bully victim emerges who likes to crack at how a bullies life must be terrible certainly does show how understanding children are no matter what they do in this issue the only difference is the victim likes to kid themselves about how they are superior to another human being

i'd have to say all but aggression, residual anger and apathy are part of my personality now but i'd only attribute low self-esteem/insecurity, attention-seeking, and suspiciousness/paranoia to my experiences of bullying in primary/early secondary school. probably the most lasting effect, and hardest to get over, is suspiciousness and inability to really trust even my closest friends - i often start thinking that my friends are going to dump me or secretly only tolerate me rather than like me even when ive got no reason to think like that (and my friends have proved time and again that they really the best friendss ever).

It didn’t affect me at all. Anybody who claims it did needs to stop listening to all those people who say it should affect you. Ever hear of a self-fulfilling prophesy? If everyone would just be their own person and stop believing and subconsciously applying what the media tells them, the world would probably be a much better place.
In short, suck it up.
I agree with Undelia.

And now folks, if you'll look out the window to your left, you can clearly see the sky is indeed falling.

The low self esteem is the primary one in my case, but I don't consider that a negative trait. An individual human is genuinely nothing special; applying that to myself is merely being consistent.

I learned humility from my bullying experience. My bubble that put me above and beyond the rest of the real world was burst, and I am thankful for that. However, it still irrates me to no end that people these days think humility is a vice. Damned Capitalism...

I hate my friends depression. It's annoying. I'm depressed too.

In the meantime, you will just be her regular doormat? If there is no basis for her comments, then you can call her on her BS.

Everyone is her doormat. I would love to cut ties with that entire side of my family (with the possible exception of my mom if she would stay on her psych meds) but I don't see how it's possible. I try to limit contact as much as humanly possible, I moved across town so they don't visit anymore, I don't visit them, I try not to answer the phone when she calls, ect.

I am not really sure how to make a clean break, but that side of my family has no reedeming qualities, in fact they are so bad ( yes, all 36 of them) that I don't let my kids around them if I can help it, and I never ever leave my kids alone around them. It strikes my hubby as kinda sick that I care enough for my children not to let them be treated as such, but not so much about myself. It's kinda sad when you think about it.

Everyone is her doormat. I would love to cut ties with that entire side of my family (with the possible exception of my mom if she would stay on her psych meds) but I don't see how it's possible. I try to limit contact as much as humanly possible, I moved across town so they don't visit anymore, I don't visit them, I try not to answer the phone when she calls, ect.

I am not really sure how to make a clean break, but that side of my family has no reedeming qualities, in fact they are so bad ( yes, all 36 of them) that I don't let my kids around them if I can help it, and I never ever leave my kids alone around them. It strikes my hubby as kinda sick that I care enough for my children not to let them be treated as such, but not so much about myself. It's kinda sad when you think about it.

If they EVER say any of that shit to your kids, "Fuck off and die, bitch, don't talk to my kids that way," ought to make a pretty clean break of it for you. ;)

Seriously -- DON'T let anyone abuse your kids. You're adult enough to tolerate it, and obviously you feel you must -- but don't let anyone ruin your efforts to let your kids excel by cutting them off at the knees emotionally.

If they EVER say any of that shit to your kids, "Fuck off and die, bitch, don't talk to my kids that way," ought to make a pretty clean break of it for you. ;)

Seriously -- DON'T let anyone abuse your kids. You're adult enough to tolerate it, and obviously you feel you must -- but don't let anyone ruin your efforts to let your kids excel by cutting them off at the knees emotionally.
yeah. She said something mildly offensive to me in front of my kids once and I just packed up our stuff (diaper bags and things) and walked out, my husband on the other hand stayed behind for a few minutes, I don't know what he said to her, but she doesn't talk to me like that in front of him anymore, and she certainly steers clear of having to talk to him at all. It annoys me that if it were anyone else in the world some choice words would have been exchanged and I never would have seen them again. It bothers me that I can't stand up to her when I can stand up to just about anyone else.

yeah. She said something mildly offensive to me in front of my kids once and I just packed up our stuff (diaper bags and things) and walked out, my husband on the other hand stayed behind for a few minutes, I don't know what he said to her, but she doesn't talk to me like that in front of him anymore, and she certainly steers clear of having to talk to him at all. It annoys me that if it were anyone else in the world some choice words would have been exchanged and I never would have seen them again. It bothers me that I can't stand up to her when I can stand up to just about anyone else.
Then all you can do is pray for them?

Then all you can do is pray for them?
yep, and stay the heck away from them as much as possible. ;)

I was bullied in Junior and High School. From that I got a self image problem, Other people tell me I look beautiful or handsome, but I'll always see myself as an ugly person. I also have paranoida, when I go out in public I think people are staring at me, I think I hear people talking about me behind my back. It also made me anti-social. I hate large group of people and I hate being surrounded by people unless I have a way out. So wheee!

However, also from bullying, I have become a stronger person, I don't let people push me around, and I try to help other people who need it. So wheee again.

I was bullied when I was younger, but I taught myself to grow stronger. Eventually I had the verbal tools to crush their spirits and make them weak. It worked wonderfully and my words burned them horribly like acid.

I was bullied in Junior and High School. From that I got a self image problem, Other people tell me I look beautiful or handsome, but I'll always see myself as an ugly person. I also have paranoida, when I go out in public I think people are staring at me, I think I hear people talking about me behind my back. It also made me anti-social. I hate large group of people and I hate being surrounded by people unless I have a way out. So wheee!

i hear that. both of em. you might find this an interesting read http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#whatis1 though for me that developed with the depression and didn't have it before, but the self-image problem has always been there.

i think the problem with my bullying at school was that because it was from a teacher and at such a young age (6 or 7 probably) i can't tell how it affected be as i don't know what i was like before how how i felt at the time. i can't say i trust authority figures much (but then i'm ok with rules and the like), and i don't handle compliments too well... but i am getting better at that (and at my self image, despite being as fat as ever... and that's all my wonderful girlfriend's doing! :D)

[/mini rant]

i hear that. both of em. you might find this an interesting read http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#whatis1 though for me that developed with the depression and didn't have it before, but the self-image problem has always been there.

i think the problem with my bullying at school was that because it was from a teacher and at such a young age (6 or 7 probably) i can't tell how it affected be as i don't know what i was like before how how i felt at the time. i can't say i trust authority figures much (but then i'm ok with rules and the like), and i don't handle compliments too well... but i am getting better at that (and at my self image, despite being as fat as ever... and that's all my wonderful girlfriend's doing! :D)

[/mini rant]

Eh my bullying came from football players. jocks, people who have something to prove. Although I don't know what you can prove by beating up a cripple. Then there was the large fat chicks who apparently thought it would be funny to hit me on the head with a math textbook. I've had my looks, my size, and my speech impairment made fun of. Wheee.

They locked me in a dark room with no light and no sound for 3 hours.



Yeh so :D
Anyway, i wouldnt change it cos it made me a better person!

I went through years of introvercy and quietly planning to kill everyone.

(i brought a knife into school once.)

Anyway! being mopey and sad got me noticed by girls.
So now im a ladies man.
And a guys man... (shh)

And that made me a real extrovert, firm handshakes public speaking, political rallies ect.

Debating Champion for my school WOOT!

But i think bullies should be strung up, castrated (boys), paraded through the streets and then put "Outside the protection of the law" so people can beat the shit into them without reprecussions.


... :D

I was bullyed, teased, made fun of, had desks pushed into me, etc. for most of my life (from 1st grade till I was a junior in highschool). I distinctly remember in third grade someone pushed my desk into me because they were mad that they were made to sit in front of me. I would come home srying every day, begging my parents to let me switch schools. I was called fat, smelly, and everything and anything you could think of. I cannot explain to you and others how bad it was (although those who have been through it understand, and no, ignoring it a growing thicker skin doesn't help).

It had, repeat had, adversely affected me in that I had a total lack of self-esteem and self-worth and, deep down, was probably why i fell for the guys who were totally wrong for me. The guys who would show me the littlest bot of attention, who made me feel important to them, etc. (but were really out for a piece of ass, no matter how bad, or a meal ticket). I would equate sex with love and I probably stayed in an abusive relationship way too long because I didn't have the guts nor self-esteem to get out.

Now though, 3 yrs after getting out, things are great. My husband changed that, showed me that I was more than just a piece, helped me find my self-esteem, etc. It took me long enough, but now I am at the point where I can look back and say screw them all, I am better than all of them. Although, when I do run into those who teased me and bullyed me so bad, i still get a little self-conscious and slip back into my own role (weird hey). Even so, I am now living a productive, fantastic life with a loving husband (5 months yesterday whoo-hoo!) and on my way to a great career. I love the person I have become. No therapy needed, unless you count the long hourse talking it over with my husband. That was a different me.

I wouldn't change a thing i went through, though. I think it has made me the person who I am. I know what it was like to be ridiculed, so i try not to do it to anyone, ever. I think that all your experiences, both good and bad, shape who you are, and since I absolutely love who I am right now (something I have never said in my life) i wouldn't change anything that I went through.

I realised a few years ago towards the end in middle school that there was one thing definitely true that they teach you about bullies: they really are as, if not more miserable than the people they bully. For example, my neighbor bullied me and my brother for some time, until he attacked my brother (as far as I know, he responded rather non-nicely to some not so nice things said to him). Luckily my parents decided to cut off ties with them (his family managed to convince themselves it was my brothers fault). From what I saw when I was at his yard (although I was never actually allowed inside, hmm...), what my parents said about whenever they talked with his parents, and from what I heard coming from inside his house (really loud yelling), I realised that it was a truly miserable family, him being totally afraid of his parents (as well as his older brother, and his younger brother afraid of him). Once you realise that most people who bully you are miserable people, the sting of it goes away. Of course, it's still not fun, but if you can meet a stinging insult with a friendly wave, it makes things much easier.