NationStates Jolt Archive

the long awaited sequel to the hit thread Free Soviets predicts your future! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=367502) has now arrived.

step right up and be amazed and mystified at the amazing and mysterious powers of recollection held by free soviets. he will remember events in your shared childhood that even you had forgetten! ask him about the times you had in college or that ill-fated camping trip. go on, offer up some of your favorite obviously non-fictional (obviously!) memories so that all may hear the stories of what was. yes, you there, in the back...

Free Soviets, what happened that time I stayed up for 90 straight hours during finals? I can't remember any of it.

oh man, things started getting really weird around hour 49. i'm talking "random bouts of the chicken dance" weird. and you wouldn't shut up when we were trying to watch some cartoons as a bit of a break - just kept yelling that they were after you and somebody had to hide you.

I was just the other day trying to recall my 4th birthday. You know the one, where I got the Mr. Potato Head in the mail from my grandparents? Or was that the third?

Anyway, can you remind me?

Wait, I missed the Free Soviets Tells Your Future. Can you tell me my future first?

Wait, I missed the Free Soviets Tells Your Future. Can you tell me my future first?

Same here, I always wanted to know what my future was going to be. :)

Hey Free Soviets, do you remember that time when we were out there and that guy showed up with that thing and the whole place went nuts?

Free Soviets, remember that time we burnt and pillaged all those fancy hotels? Because I can't.

I was just the other day trying to recall my 4th birthday. You know the one, where I got the Mr. Potato Head in the mail from my grandparents? Or was that the third?

Anyway, can you remind me?

no, it was the 4th. and it wasn't a mr. potato head per se, so much as an actual potato with some googly eyes taped on. which was fine while it lasted, but a bit on the mushy side. especially after i stepped on it. sorry about that.

Hey Free Soviets, do you remember that time when we were out there and that guy showed up with that thing and the whole place went nuts?

dude, it was crazy. i've never figured out how you wound up wearing those rubber pants though.

dude, it was crazy. i've never figured out how you wound up wearing those rubber pants though.
It was just easier than running to the bathroom every time I had to take a leak.

Wait, I missed the Free Soviets Tells Your Future. Can you tell me my future first?Same here, I always wanted to know what my future was going to be. :)

sorry guys, not this time. you should have been there before though. oh, the times we had...

FS, I still can't remember whether it was you or Fiddlebottoms who accidentally dropped a pie on the "Fire All" button and loosed 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 nuclear missiles towards the CzHgxxy system from my command centre. Nor can I remember what we were doing before then. Can you remind me?

Free Soviets, I was originally stationed in Iraq at age 10 (don't ask) and was knocked out by a mortar shell. Next thing I know I wake up three days later in a fancy Paris motel.

What the hell happened?

Free Soviets, remember that time we burnt and pillaged all those fancy hotels? Because I can't.

it's probably for the best. i mean, sure, we thought they were fancy hotels, but that was apparently the liquor talking. i drove past there later and all i saw were some ruins and a sign that read "jersey city discount motor inn - hourly rates available"

it's probably for the best. i mean, sure, we thought they were fancy hotels, but that was apparently the liquor talking. i drove past there later and all i saw were some ruins and a sign that read "jersey city discount motor inn - hourly rates available"
Hmm, that STILL doesn't explain the jewel-encrusted monacle.

Free Soviets, I was originally stationed in Iraq at age 10 (don't ask) and was knocked out by a mortar shell. Next thing I know I wake up three days later in a fancy Paris motel.

What the hell happened?

you know, this and that. i never expected the "weekend at bernie's" routine to work when we dragged your ass through customs though.

FS, I still can't remember whether it was you or Fiddlebottoms who accidentally dropped a pie on the "Fire All" button and loosed 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 nuclear missiles towards the CzHgxxy system from my command centre. Nor can I remember what we were doing before then. Can you remind me?


wasn't me. i had merely dropped by to partake of the weekly giant bucket o' fried chicken. and then you asked if i wanted a drink, and then told me to go get it myself, they're in the fridge. lazy bastard.

Hmm, that STILL doesn't explain the jewel-encrusted monacle.

well, there was a pawn shop across the street. next to the 24 hour massage parlor. i think you might have wandered over there at some point. i assumed it was for the massage though.

FS, do you recall that crazy spring break when we dropped acid and went to Disney World? I can't remember what I did with that red head (what was her name?) on the Haunted Mansion ride.

FS, do you recall that crazy spring break when we dropped acid and went to Disney World? I can't remember what I did with that red head (what was her name?) on the Haunted Mansion ride.

heh, there is a reason that you can't remember. we were on the last segment of the haunted mansion ride - you were in the car in front of me with the redhead - and we came to the part with the hitchhiking ghosts. you looked in the mirror and saw a ghost between the two of you, freaked out, forced your way off the ride (while it was still in motion, no less), and ran away crying like a little girl. i laughed and laughed. especially since you ran back into the mansion instead of out of it. i lost track of whether it was you or other riders who were shrieking in terror back there.

then me and the redhead went to go see the hall of presidents - lincoln looked trippy, and i could taste the emancipation proclamation.

you were eventually escorted back to us by a disney lackey who asked if we had 'lost anything'.

Hey FS, remember that triple-breasted whore from Eroticon 6? Why did she punch you, anyway?

Hey FS, remember that triple-breasted whore from Eroticon 6? Why did she punch you, anyway?

long story short, i really was asking for it. normally they charge extra for that shit, but i put it on your tab, so it's all good.

That night at the titty bar was great, but I only remember up until the point that you sent me up on stage to get that lap dance for my birthday. How did I wake up 20 miles away in a field wearing only a strippers g-string and why was there a goat, a plunger and a pile of dead squirrels next to me? :confused:

what was i doing at this exact time last year?

long story short, i really was asking for it. normally they charge extra for that shit, but i put it on your tab, so it's all good.
You son of a...

Eh... maybe it was worth it.

That night at the titty bar was great, but I only remember up until the point that you sent me up on stage to get that lap dance for my birthday. How did I wake up 20 miles away in a field wearing only a strippers g-string and why was there a goat, a plunger and a pile of dead squirrels next to me? :confused:

well, i tried to tell you that that was not an appropriate place to put some money. especially not just a couple of singles. but you wouldn't listen.

What ever happened to that Refused Party Program person? He was one crazy (and not to mention, extremely attractive) young mofo.

And what's the deal with Refused Party Program referring to himself in the 3rd person?

what was i doing at this exact time last year?

jacking it. what was worse was that you called and invited me over to watch the game. it was all a trick. a dirty, dirty, evil trick.

jacking it. what was worse was that you called and invited me over to watch the game. it was all a trick. a dirty, dirty, evil trick.
then i got you high and buttraped your sorry ass. ah yes, i remember that night well...
you do know it was all Fass' idea, right? ;)

What ever happened to that Refused Party Program person? He was one crazy (and not to mention, extremely attractive) young mofo.And what's the deal with Refused Party Program referring to himself in the 3rd person?

last i heard, he'd moved to kansas to teach flood geology.

i was actually there when he took up the 3rd person self-referencing thing. he'd actually been suffering from insomnia for months, and been generally acting even stranger than normal. i came over to play some foosball (as was the style in those days) and was like "yo, rpp, we playing or what?" and he said "rpp isn't here. rpp went away. rpp's gone." so i said, "ok, whatever. when he get's back tell him that its fucking foosball time." and then he said "i want you to hit me as hard as you can..."

you do know it was all Fass' idea, right? ;)

LIAR!

I distinctly remember you asking Free Soviets what he needed such big pockets for. Then I stole his thunder, from right under his gigantic nose.

last i heard, he'd moved to kansas to teach flood geology.

i was actually there when he took up the 3rd person self-referencing thing. he'd actually been suffering from insomnia for months, and been generally acting even stranger than normal. i came over to play some foosball (as was the style in those days) and was like "yo, rpp, we playing or what?" and he said "rpp isn't here. rpp went away. rpp's gone." so i said, "ok, whatever. when he get's back tell him that its fucking foosball time." and then he said "i want you to hit me as hard as you can..."

This seems plausible, but surely if Refused Party Program wanted you to strike him, he would have referred to yourself as himself and thus asked himself to strike yourself? But knowing Refused Party Program, he'd have thrown his apron upon the dirty floor, stood on the table called for his comrades to join him in dispute against his Employment Pages.

This seems plausible, but surely if Refused Party Program wanted you to strike him, he would have referred to yourself as himself and thus asked himself to strike yourself? But knowing Refused Party Program, he'd have thrown his apron upon the dirty floor, stood on the table called for his comrades to join him in dispute against his Employment Pages.

i report, free soviets decides

Then I stole his thunder, from right under his gigantic nose.

thunder stealer!

cursed gigantic nose, so big and easy to steal things from under...

Free Soviets, do you remember that time your mom came on to me?

Remember that time we were at the Chicken Ranch in Laughlin? It was you that farted, wasn't it? :mad: It wasn't me and I doubt it was the hookers...

Free Soviets, do you remember that time your mom came on to me?

why must you always bring that up? i don't constantly bring up your little 'incident' in the bathroom at that cubs game, do i?

why must you always bring that up? i don't constantly bring up your little 'incident' in the bathroom at that cubs game, do i?

I thought I was talking about my incident in the bathroom at the Cubs game

Do you remember that time at the fish hatchery?

Free Soviets, think football and elaborate....

I thought I was talking about my incident in the bathroom at the Cubs game

mom?!

Free Soviets, think football and elaborate....

why i still remember the time i first introduced you to football. you asked me "is it like tee-ball?"

"sure kid, sure. now get out there and play"

*crunch/snap/sproing*

Do you remember that time at the fish hatchery?

of course. who could forget the "happy fish slap dance and dinner theater extravaganza"?

why i still remember the time i first introduced you to football. you asked me "is it like tee-ball?"

"sure kid, sure. now get out there and play"

*crunch/snap/sproing*

it still hurts:(

FS, do you remember what happened to that goat?

FS, can you remember what I thought of The Hills Have Eyes.

Because I can't remember :(

Do you remember that time when we got ambushed by skinheads in LA and I woke up with a giant pink heart tatood on my. erm... backside? Do you know what happened while I was out?

FS, do you remember what happened to that goat?

i promise you, old billy went to a good home.

and he was delicious.

There was a time when I was walking Frodo to Mt. Doom when all of a sudden a ring wraith hit me with a plus 4 mace. After that I woke up in a basement simliar to the one in Pulp Fiction, what the hell was the connection?

FS, can you remember what I thought of The Hills Have Eyes.

Because I can't remember :(

you were very disappointed because you though it was going to be a musical about the von trapp family.

"the hills have eyes...with the sound of music"

Do you remember that time when we got ambushed by skinheads in LA and I woke up with a giant pink heart tatood on my. erm... backside? Do you know what happened while I was out?

nothing. nothing at all. don't worry about it. just try to forget it ever happened.

wasn't me. i had merely dropped by to partake of the weekly giant bucket o' fried chicken. and then you asked if i wanted a drink, and then told me to go get it myself, they're in the fridge. lazy bastard.
Goddamnit, do you think I'm going to pull out my psychic powers just for random people who come in, eat chicken, and leave? Especially while on acid. Disgraceful! *indignation*

My memory of those days is fuzzy... were you involved in the 'Incident of the Melted Cheese' at all? And what happened during our trip to Sindaria Prime (aka Southern California)? All I remember is waking up the next morning lying naked on top of a pile of dead bodies with rats chewing on my toes...

What happened to me on May 30th, 1986?

Do you remember that one time FS? You know what I mean....;)

I keep asking myself, "How the hell did I end up here?"
So far no reasonable responses. Maybe you can help.

I keep asking myself, "How the hell did I end up here?"
So far no reasonable responses. Maybe you can help.

your problem is that you expect the true story to be reasonable. on what sort of grounds would you think that?

Do you remember that one time FS? You know what I mean....;)

do i ever!

FS, I just woke up on the D Train out of New York and into the Bronx about an hour ago. I remember going in at around 6 PM, and then everything from there to 2 AM is just a blur.
What happened? And what happened to my big sack labeled "Large, sharp and rusty implements of destruction"?

your problem is that you expect the true story to be reasonable. on what sort of grounds would you think that?
Reasonable? Hell no. I'm settling for coherent sentence structure.

Reasonable? Hell no. I'm settling for coherent sentence structure.
Be would that, absurd but! Not next demanding so be do time.

Reasonable? Hell no. I'm settling for coherent sentence structure.

hey, it's not my fault you spend so much of your time hanging out with that troop of impromptu yoda impersonators. they're your friends, not mine.

What happened to me on May 30th, 1986?

nothing of any importance whatsoever. at least not that anyone else would care about. i know that going to see top gun still seems like a big thing to you, but honestly, the rest of us have moved on.

the long awaited sequel to the hit thread Free Soviets predicts your future! (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=367502) has now arrived.

step right up and be amazed and mystified at the amazing and mysterious powers of recollection held by free soviets. he will remember events in your shared childhood that even you had forgetten! ask him about the times you had in college or that ill-fated camping trip. go on, offer up some of your favorite obviously non-fictional (obviously!) memories so that all may hear the stories of what was. yes, you there, in the back...

Free Soviets, can you tell me about the time i played basketball with Bono?

Free Soviets, can you tell me about the time i played basketball with Bono?

who would have guessed that sonny could play him some b-ball (better than he could ski, anyway)? you got your ass handed to you by a guy who was towered over by newt gingrich, for fucks sake!

Where did I put Refused Party Program's glasses?

Where did I put Refused Party Program's glasses?
Let me answer this one...

You put RPP's glasses on the Mountain of Fire in the Desert of Doom beyond the River of Shadows guarded by the Dragons of Despair, in an alarmed and secure safe to which the only combination is in my hands. :p

FS - Do you remember that time we all went camping and we got really drunk? Remember how you woke up with your pants off and vasoline spread all over yoru ass? You didn't tell anyone, did you? :confused:

Where did I put Refused Party Program's glasses?

they're on top of your head. slightly lower down on it that the last pair you lost.

What's this about FS reminiscing about my past?

they're on top of your head. slightly lower down on it that the last pair you lost.

Why am I wearing Refused Party Program's glasses?

FS, I just woke up on the D Train out of New York and into the Bronx about an hour ago. I remember going in at around 6 PM, and then everything from there to 2 AM is just a blur.
What happened? And what happened to my big sack labeled "Large, sharp and rusty implements of destruction"?
i know its bad form to insert myself into such a brilliant thread that is being handled so well already but i feel that, as a mom, i must give you 2 pieces of advice

1) never go to a tattoo artist who part-times as a butcher

2) dont order the rocky mountain oysters.

Why am I wearing Refused Party Program's glasses?

hell if i know what goes on in that twisted brain of yours. i merely assume that it is all done for evil and move on.

What's this about FS reminiscing about my past?

hey man, do you remember the time where we went to see that destiny's child show? i still can't believe you threw your underwear on the stage. especially since you had to actually remove your jeans to get at them - and then security didn't know what to do as you hopped around trying to get your pants back on in the middle of a crowd of pre-teen girls.

Holy Hell, Free Soviets. That little piece of forum history right there just reminded me of what a total twat of a n00b I was. Thankyou.

back in my day we used to bump our own threads, as was the style in those days

back in my day we used to bump our own threads, as was the style in those days

It was either that or risk Refused Party Program stealing your ideas. Damn that evil, sexy Refused Party Program.