NationStates Jolt Archive

Prowling across the plains, swinging a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Corinthia Alpha! And he gives a low howl:

"I'm going to hump you until you're translucent!"


AND
Lo! Who is that, sprinting across the mountains! It is Alexace, hands clutching a studded crowbar! And with a gutteral bellow, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to smack you harder than God thought possible, and throw you out the airplane door!"


http://chaz.bdmonkeys.net/battle.php?usrname=&sex=m

LOL!

Rampaging across the mini-mall parking lot, brandishing a mighty sword, cometh Tweedlesburg! And he gives a spectacular howl:

"I'm going to pound you beyond the end of time, and add a notch to my bedpost!"

Hark! Who is that, skulking through the tarmac! It is New Isabelle, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! He screams homicidally:

"As sure as predators devour prey, I slice through beating hearts until my loins find satisfaction!!!"


wow... just.... wow

Mine sucked, so here's one that I may or may not have bootlegged from somewhere else:

Like a black cloak caught in the midnight winds of winter I will flutter through the window of Mark McGwire's home and secret myself within his drop ceiling. Thusly concealed, I will wait for him to slumber. While he sleeps with parted lips I will slowly lower a wire down to his mouth and let gravity carry a fortune in anabolic steroids down his gullet. He will drink heartily, for the taste suits him well. By dawn he will be a cube of muscle and hate. It will take only a shove and a look at your photograph and you will have a primal destructive force unleashed in your direction. Synthetic hormones will boil his brain until he has no will, no desire, but to crush you into a meaty paste beneath his cubical body.

Yea, verily: Who is that, rampaging along the icy wasteland! It is Pythogria, hands clutching a jeweled meat hammer! And with a cruel roar, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to smash you like a first grade teacher, then bake cookies!!"

What in heck...?

"Death before Uncontiousness!" - Duke

"When the going gets weird, the Weird turn Pro." - HST

Hark! Who is that, skulking through the tarmac! It is New Isabelle, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! He screams homicidally:

"As sure as predators devour prey, I slice through beating hearts until my loins find satisfaction!!!"


wow... just.... wow


Loin satisfaction? LOL

Who is that, rampaging amidst the tundra! It is Mythotic Kelkia, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! He screams apocalyptically:

"I'm going to clobber you so painfully, you'll age fifty years!"

aw, that sucks. What sort of weapon is an oversized scalpel? and whats the point in clobbering someone with it? and how would that effect their age??!

EDIT: my real name is way better.:

Zang! Who is that, striding over the tarmac! It is [real name], hands clutching a burning branch! And with a bloodthirsty grunt, his voice cometh:

"In the name of Thor the Mighty, I shall make bloody music with your nation's populace!"

The burning branch and the "Thor the Mighty" implies I have magic heathen powers. nice.

Yea, verily: Who is that, rampaging along the icy wasteland! It is Pythogria, hands clutching a jeweled meat hammer! And with a cruel roar, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to smash you like a first grade teacher, then bake cookies!!"

What in heck...?
That sounds like something my friend Corlin would come up with. 'Course, mine makes no more sense than yours does:

Rampaging through the fields, carrying gilded boxing gloves, cometh Kyronea! And he gives a mighty cry:

"I'm going to fuck you past the point of no return!"

"Come on baby. Light my fire."

Loin satisfaction? LOL

Yeah, I mean hey, at least I've got the priorities straight...

Shut up and touch the monkey

you dang basterds

Shut up and touch the monkey

you dang basterds

Through the ranks of mighty foes slashed the valiant Fascist. Lo! he doth bellow: I WILL FEAST ON SOULS AND DARKNESS!

*pimps self*

looks like buzzsaw extentions is gonna take me all the way to the bank baby (or based on that thing to the bedroom?)

Skulking through the steppes, carrying a piece of chainlink fence, cometh Publius! And he gives a vengeful howl:

"This one's for you, mom! I shall avenge my ancestors!!"

Funny this. I can't stand my mother....lol

And just because these are so hilarious, here's a few for my old nations that I let die off a long time ago before returning here:

Skulking along the terrain, swinging a mighty sword, cometh PIcaRDMPCia! And he gives a vengeful roar:

"I'm seriously going to spackle you with wasabi!!"

Who is that, skulking on the wasteland! It is Kuahalia, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a gutteral grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to torment you so forcibly, you will polymorph into a leather daddy!"

Rampaging on the terrain, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a studded crowbar, cometh Destinia! And he gives a cruel grunt:

"I'm going to hump you until you're pissing shit, and sever every head in sight!!!"

Oh, and just for kicks: my real name:
Striding amidst the plains, attacking with a burning branch, cometh Matt Carpenter! And he gives a spectacular roar:

"I'm going to brutalize you until you bleed puke!!"

...

What is with me and getting all the crudely funny ones? -___-

Taking an A-10 in low, with the GAU-8 Avenger lined up on the terrorist camp. "BUKKAKE!!!!!!!" as is unleashed a "bukkake" of 30mm rounds. :D

Stalking through the terrain, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a vorpal blade, cometh Dinaverg! And he gives an ominous scream:

"Blood and souls for my dark lord! I tear into the enemy like a sentient bulldozer!!"

Who is that, striding on the steppes! It is Yttiria, hands clutching a meaty axe! He screams thunderously:

"I'm going to hump you until you bleed out your eyes, and grin like a fucking maniac!!"

wow. you're just out of your mind.


Or as Dane Cook would have me say


YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR F*@#ING MIND!!!!!

Stalking through the terrain, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a vorpal blade, cometh Dinaverg! And he gives an ominous scream:

"Blood and souls for my dark lord! I tear into the enemy like a sentient bulldozer!!"

Vorpal blade... oh man, those were the days...

Zang! Who is that, striding along the icy wasteland! It is Moantha, hands clutching a burning branch! He roars apocalyptically:

"By Odin's mighty spear, I slice through beating hearts like a sentient bulldozer!"


Zang? I mean, Zang?

"Spooooooooooon!"

"o Rly? Ya Rly! No Wai"

" I WILL BURY YOU" isnt that sweet? thats pure ownage or "STRENGTH AND HONOR"

"o Rly? Ya Rly! No Wai"

SRSLY!


Vorpal blade... oh man, those were the days...

That they were....

"Fur Scoland"

Upper Botswavia draws on her galoshes, a look of determination crossing her face. She picks up the Bumbershoot of Righteousness, and brandishing it before her, she plows into the fray shouting,

"Don't Hurt Me! Don't Hurt Me! Don't Hurt Me!"



EDIT:
That first was me... these two are what were generated, first with my NS name, then my real name... but I like my battle cry better.


Lo! Who is that, prowling out of the terrain! It is Upper Botswavia, hands clutching a mighty sword! She grunts apocalyptically:

"I'm going to hump you in such an unsafe manner, your momma won't recognize you!"



Rampaging out of the hotel lobby, attacking with a studded crowbar, cometh (insert my name here)! And she gives a gutteral howl:

"I'm going to flog you all the way to Wankerhof!"

Running out of the freeway, carrying a bladed baseball bat cometh Sane Outcasts! And he gives a low roar, "I'm going to beat you into the fast lane!"

A bladed baseball bat? That would definitely sell for home defense.

Edit: I tried my real name and got this:

Hark! Who is that, sprinting amidst the hotel lobby! It is [Real Name], hands clutching a mighty sword! He screams mightily:

"Ares, God of War, be praised! I hereby snap and go berzerk!"

Definitely my new motto.

Vorpal blade... oh man, those were the days...
Yeah, they were. Vorpal blades and the Kikuichimonji....yes, AND the Masamune.:)

Striding powerfully across the tundra, hammer and chisel in hand, Grape-eaters come, screaming:

"I Swear to me, I'm gonna carve psychedelic patterns into your skull before using it as a bong!!!!"

wow. you're just out of your mind.


Or as Dane Cook would have me say


YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR F*@#ING MIND!!!!!
Is that before or after he spits Xenomorph acid in your face and bites you like a rattlesnake?

Prowling through the cliffs, swinging a studded crowbar, cometh Nureonia! And he gives a gutteral grunt:

"You in some shit now, muhfuh! I hereby snap and go berzerk!!!"

Hark! Who is that, running amidst the icy wasteland! It is Kiwi-Kiwi, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! And with an ominous grunt, her voice cometh:

"As sure as predators devour prey, I bring annihilation and cheap beer!!"


...Is it just me, or is the fact that I'm from Canada make this funnier...?

No surrender! Victory! Victory or Death!
or
Victory and Glory!
or
"I am the Grim Reaper! I am Death!" (The Meaning of Life)

"Striding along the tarmac, attacking with a burning branch, cometh Dragonis-beta! And he gives a bloodthirsty scream:

"I'm going to use you like a hand puppet!""

Hark! Who is that, running amidst the icy wasteland! It is Kiwi-Kiwi, hands clutching an oversized scalpel! And with an ominous grunt, her voice cometh:

"As sure as predators devour prey, I bring annihilation and cheap beer!!"


...Is it just me, or is the fact that I'm from Canada make this funnier...?
You Canadians really suck with battle cries. How about something more like
"I will bathe in your blood while sipping cheap beer!"

I'm not going to even attempt this one.... ¬_¬

I guess it'd be one of the following:

"I just wet myself!" (or perhaps the snappier, "I have a weak bladder!")
or maybe,
"Your fly is undone!"

oh, i see that someones scared....:eek:

You Canadians really suck with battle cries. How about something more like
"I will bathe in your blood while sipping cheap beer!"

Hey man, do you want to drink cheap beer while I annihilate you or not?

I can't believe that you guys have forgotten the oldest, simplest, and most effective battle cry of all:

"ARHHHHHGHHHH!!!!"

Hey man, do you want to drink cheap beer while I annihilate you or not?

*takes cheap beer*

What? It's free...

Stalking across the freeway, attacking with a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Aerou! And she gives a vengeful roar:

"In the name of Thor the Mighty, I look forward to hearing the lamentations of thy women!!"

Hmmmm....

I'm coming, and I'm taking hell with me!

Tombstone, great movie.

Who is that, stalking along the hotel lobby! It is Caer Rialis, hands clutching a thorned whip! And with a cruel cry, his voice cometh:

"For the love of carnage and discord, I tear into the enemy until Satan himself emerges from the pit to thank me!!!"


Boo-yah!

Who is that, sprinting across the plains! It is The Lost Planet, hands clutching a piece of chainlink fence! And with a gutteral grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to beat you to the moon and back!!!"


I love the one that came up with my real name...

"Hail the blood-letting! I hereby void your warranty, and send you back to God!!"

NS:
As the sun sets in the lands of the Alliance, a black mass appears on the horizon. Lo, it is the Zombie Horde! Across the frozen wastes pour they by the thousands to make war with the enemies of their Alliance! From the general comes the grisly cry:

"For the Alliance!"

And his men respond, in twenty-thousand decaying moans:

"For Lord Necromancer!"
------------------------
RL:
Across the mountains of the Appalachians comes the mighty warrior, Anthony! In his hand lieth a great heavy Random House disctionary of doom! He raises the book of death high above his head as he issues a deep, baratone cry:

"How dare you suggest that Zombies aren't real!!! Feel my vocabular fury!!!!!"

Skulking along the desert, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a mighty sword, cometh Gargantua City State! And he gives an ominous scream:

"I'm going to pound you beyond the end of time, and roll you in creamy neugut!"

Yes! Neugut!

No, in all honesty I wouldn't have a battle cry. I would stick my neck out, rotate my head 360 degrees on the frontal axis, and then just stare at them.

I'm not going to even attempt this one.... ¬_¬

I'll do it for you! :D

Lo! Who is that, rampaging out of the desert! It is Czardas, hands clutching gilded boxing gloves! And with a spectacular grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to contort you into the fast lane!!!"

BOOGA BOOGA BOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(which is conveniently also the name of my computer...)

After reading these, it is more like battle epic poem. You better start yelling your battle cry 10 minutes before getting to the battle if you want to finish.

Hey man, do you want to drink cheap beer while I annihilate you or not?
Unfortunately, I am too young to drink any kind of beer.:(
And odds are I would feast on your soul before you realized I was typing this right outside you bedroom window.:eek:

"7 Days you freckin weirdo I'm gonna kill you in 7 freckin days get it got it good":sniper:

Charging through the 4th wall the mighty Zatarack gives a withering bellow as he swings his flail:

"How to survive: Step 1: Get out of my way! Step 2: May God have mercy on you!"

Lo! Who is that, prowling amidst the mountains! It is Whereyouthinkyougoing, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with a cruel scream, her voice cometh:

"Ares, God of War, be praised! I destroy all in my path like a four-year-old on a sugar rampage!!!"



Heh. I can totally see that last part. :p

"In the name of the Muffin King, I shall do battle! :upyours:

I can't believe that you guys have forgotten the oldest, simplest, and most effective battle cry of all:

"ARHHHHHGHHHH!!!!"
Yes...well...that's the backup battlecry...yes, the backup....

*high-pitched EEEEEEEEEEaaahhh*

or a highly elaborate threat involving needls, stigmata, eyes, and/or fire

or the great golden penguin has spoken..... TO WAR!

I'm coming, and I'm taking hell with me!

Tombstone, great movie.
Yeah, great thing to say. Prolly my favorite western-style movie, except for The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

"Spooooooooooon!"

God damnit, you beat me to it.

"Shove it up your ass, fucktard!"

The distinctive, “Your gonna regret throwing that grapefruit at me!!!” is made while the might Saige Dragon charges into battle hockey stick in hand.



(True story:eek: )

"For the beer and the broads and the broads and the booze!!!"

No typo there. Broads x 2.

"For the beer and the broads and the broads and the booze!!!"

No typo there. Broads x 2.
And TWINS! LOL

The distinctive, “Your gonna regret throwing that grapefruit at me!!!” is made while the might Saige Dragon charges into battle hockey stick in hand.



(True story:eek: )


Who throws a grapefruit??? Their to tasty to waste on throwing at someone!

NS name:

Stalking out of the mini-mall parking lot, wielding a burning branch, cometh Macnutt! And she gives a spectacular cry:

"For the love of beatings, no flesh shall be spared!!!"

RL name:

Hark! Who is that, rampaging across the freeway! It is Coralee, hands clutching a meaty axe! She roars gutterally:

"I'm going to blow a bullet-hole in you the size of God!!!"

My Battle Cry(ies):

Will everyone just leave me alone!?

and

Ok, what did I do now?

Who is that, skulking amidst the steppes! It is Potato Jack, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a spectacular roar, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to smash you so hard, you will polymorph into a nymphomatriarch!!"

Lo! Who is that, sprinting out of the freeway! It is Jello Biafra, hands clutching a bladed baseball bat! And with a spectacular howl, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to contort you until war is peace, then make toast!!!"

Awesome Orwell reference there.

Running out of the icy wasteland, swinging a meaty axe, cometh Unified Home! And he gives a cruel cry:

"I'm going to wrap you in bacon, and throw you on the grill!!"

And

Skulking through the freeway, carrying an oversized scalpel, cometh Unified Home! And he gives a spectacular roar:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I desecrate like the world's mightiest bad-ass!!"

Yea, verily: Who is that, sprinting over the desert! It is Gooooold, hands clutching a vorpal blade! He screams mightily:

"I'm going to spank you into your own personal hell!!"

Who is that, sprinting out of the tundra! It is Neon Plaid, hands clutching a sharpened screwdriver! He cries thunderously:

"I'm going to contort you in such an unsafe manner, you will see ultraviolet!!!"

LOL. Mine is:

Hark! Who is that, sprinting along the cliffs! It is Rameria, hands clutching a jeweled meat hammer! And with a gutteral cry, her voice cometh:

"I'm going to pulverize you so painfully, the Earth will spin twice as fast!"

Interesting. If I don't capitalize my name, it becomes:

Prowling over the terrain, swinging gilded boxing gloves, cometh Rameria! And she gives an ominous scream:

"I'm going to contort you like a rabid gangsta bitch, then bake cookies!!"

lol! it will give u such random stuff

:sniper: like a virus i come out oh your computer and take over your body like a specter or xana:sniper:

Rampaging on the freeway, carrying a meaty axe, cometh Luporum! And he gives a cruel grunt:

"I'm going to bruise you into the stuff of nightmares, and hijack your momma's airplane!!"

O.o

Guess I'm gonna switch from my old one, although it is FAR more terrifying: "I have a bootleg version of Soul Plane!"

Stalking out of the mini-mall parking lot, brandishing a sharpened screwdriver, cometh Dragantia! And he gives a bloodthirsty bellow:

"I'm going to smack you so hard, it will be a new form of crime!!"


sounds good to me... except for the screwdriver. I wanted a sword.

BOHICA!!!
(Bend Over, Here It Comes Again)

Who is that, skulking amidst the steppes! It is Potato Jack, hands clutching buzzsaw hand extensions! And with a spectacular roar, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to smash you so hard, you will polymorph into a nymphomatriarch!!"
ROFLMAO!:D :D :D : :D :D :D I always mock my friend about being something akin to a nymph:eek: . What you said describes her in so many ways.:D :D :D

Skulking amidst the freeway, wielding a thorned whip, cometh Fascist Dominion! And he gives an ominous howl:

"I'm going to hack into your brain, and type FORMAT C: !!"

I always wanted a thorned whip!:D

"I will bleed all OVER your ass!!!"

Probobly something like "CHHAAAAAVVV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" followed by red-faced screaming and bludgeoning to death.

i hope they dont find the body...

Ace Ventura strutting up to the battlelines carrying a skunk.

"Say hello to my STINKY little friend! AHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Skulking amidst the hotel lobby, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Brogue! And he gives a mighty howl:

"Vengeance and goo flow from my veins! I pilliage and burn like a klepto-pyro!"

Prowling through the hotel lobby, cutting down all who dare stand in the way using a sharpened screwdriver, cometh Farthingsworth! And he gives a mighty howl:

"I'm going to make tacos with your corpse!"


Well, it beats my original battle cry: "I like pie!"

Who is that, running across the wasteland! It is Frenzia, hands clutching a burning branch! And with a booming grunt, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to strike a match on your crotch, and set you ablaze!!!"


thats just weird