NationStates Jolt Archive

So, sitting here, painting my Warhammer figures, I hear a knock at the door, and behold, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day So-and-So has come to my door. They've seen me now, it's too late to turn back. The ask me if I'm looking for the answers of life's biggest questions. Why are we here? Where did we come from? Where are we going? I tell them that I think life is a big mystery game and that if I cheat I'll have to go back to Start and probably come in last. It's always a hoot when they come to the door, once you get past the awkwardness and realise that the awkwardness is entirely on YOUR side, not theirs.

So, how do you typically deal with faith-peddlers?

You should've said that you already knew how the Earth was created. Then you launch into a rant out how an army little green salamanders from the Sun threw up enough shit and it eventually turned into the Earth. Then one of those green salamanders came down and mated with a little yellow fork and that's how humans were created.

I'm a Christian and both my parents are ministers. Tends to stop them in their tracks.

That and the little tirade they caused ringing during the World Cup final in '02. They haven't come back since...

So, sitting here, painting my Warhammer figures, I hear a knock at the door, and behold, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day So-and-So has come to my door. They've seen me now, it's too late to turn back. The ask me if I'm looking for the answers of life's biggest questions. Why are we here? Where did we come from? Where are we going? I tell them that I think life is a big mystery game and that if I cheat I'll have to go back to Start and probably come in last. It's always a hoot when they come to the door, once you get past the awkwardness and realise that the awkwardness is entirely on YOUR side, not theirs.

So, how do you typically deal with faith-peddlers?

for about 15 years it happened also to me...I have shown them the first issue from "Realm of Chaos - Slaves to Darkness" if you know it ..

damn, you should've made it multiple choice.

i chose the "wax prophetic" option

you tell them that you found what you thought was a gold pokemon card but when you put your face firmly into your hat, you translated the card as predicting that they would show up any minute

then invite them to take their clothes off , sit down, and tell you all about the next testament of jesus christ.

Come out carrying a ketchup covered knife and say: "Could you come back later? I haven't quite finished with the goat and the virgin yet."

I just ask them to get themselfs and their intrusive religion off my property

for about 15 years it happened also to me...I have shown them the first issue from "Realm of Chaos - Slaves to Darkness" if you know it ..

Are you willing to sell? *serious question, I just picked up the 1st Ed WFRP rules and they feckin' rock*

if I am busy I tell them I am southern baptist and they usually leave (it works better on the J.W.'s than it does on the Mormons)

if not I invite them in and explain to them why I believe they are wrong, after about 30 minutes of not being able to back up anything they politely excuse themselves.

I'm not sure what I would do.

But it would probably involve snarling something in a thick Russian accent.

If they're Jehovah's Witnesses, I tell them I was disfellowshipped 11 years ago and no, I'm not interested in rethinking it and have a good day. If it's anyone else, I brush them off quickly while closing the door. I'm only rude if there's no other way to get them away from my door, so it rarely happens.

Are you willing to sell? *serious question, I just picked up the 1st Ed WFRP rules and they feckin' rock*
Noway ...these creatures are marvelous...sadly i haven´t "The lost and the Damned" but Khorne rules everywhere...

Any time somebody tries to interest me in any form of Christianity, I tell them I'm Jewish (it's true). Not only does it work, we tend to continue chatting for a few minutes about how great it is to be Judeo-Christian, or something of that nature. It almost seems as if there was some big Christian meeting within the last decade wherein they revised their opinion of Jews as Christ-killers and decided to go with the idea that Jews worked out some kind of alternate arrangement with God and will be going to the same place after all. It's almost a letdown, as I keep expecting some sort of anti-Semite rant and it's never happened...I'm curious as to what that might be like.

There's a nice little sign on my front door that reads:

No solicitors or religious groups of any kind. If there are any questions see the German Sheppards around back. Thank you.

It's funny watching them walk up to the door, bending over, and then frowning walking away.

I work in theatre, and live in Brooklyn, just a short distance from the headquarters of the Jehovah's Witnesses. My work means that I am always coming in late at night, so when they showed up at my door at 8am on a Sunday (trying to convert people on their way to church, perhaps?) I was not only less than thrilled, I was fast asleep.

Now, I don't know if all of them do this, but this bunch (who had come around other times with the same sort of a pitch) would hold up a copy of their magazine and use the cover story as a way to start a conversation. One time the story was about a plane crash that had happened recently and they said "Some of your neighbors are very upset about this plane crash... we would like to talk to you about it." My response was "I am ok with it, really. I like a good plane crash. Thanks." and to shut the door in their faces. On this particular Sunday at 8am, however, the three at my door held up the magazine and proceeded to ask the question that was printed on the cover, which was "Are you happy?".

I stared at them. After a moment, one of them tried again. "Are you happy?" she asked. They have a set speech that they do if you say yes, and one if you say no... but they were somewhat flummoxed by my not saying anything. I continued to stare, and as I saw them make a decision to launch into their spiel anyway, I looked at my watch and I said "Am I happy? Am I HAPPY? Fuck you, NO!" and slammed the door. One of them had put his foot in it, and I caught his foot. He stepped back, and I slammed it again. Then I went back to bed... and was much happier.

I "peddle" my faith to them. I don't like that term "peddling." I introduce them to Traditional Presbyterianism.

Usually, it doesn't remain civil, sadly, especially with Mormons and Jehovah-Witnesses.

Offer them coffee or tea. Then become upset when they refuse my hospitality. Accuse them of being rude and show them the door.

If callers are willing to be challenged by me, I welcome them. You can tell me all you like about what you believe, but you must understand that a meeting with me may leave you wondering what it is you believe in anyway.

I don't like that term "peddling."

It's the only term I could think of that fit right. They're still making a sale, but the product is much less tangible than a vacuum or a set of tea cups.

You should've said that you already knew how the Earth was created. Then you launch into a rant out how an army little green salamanders from the Sun threw up enough shit and it eventually turned into the Earth. Then one of those green salamanders came down and mated with a little yellow fork and that's how humans were created.
No! The world was created by some guy who used a time machine to come back in time to create it.

It's the only term I could think of that fit right. They're still making a sale, but the product is much less tangible than a vacuum or a set of tea cups.

I understand; I can't think of a better word either. But I quoted it in reference to my own witnessing and realizing what I did, I became very cross with myself. Understandably. No one likes to hear the sharing of their defining set of beliefs referred to as "peddling."

No! The world was created by some guy who used a time machine to come back in time to create it.

??????

It's the only term I could think of that fit right. They're still making a sale, but the product is much less tangible than a vacuum or a set of tea cups.
It's even less tangible than insurance (which I also tried to sell in my younger days, with about as much success as I had in the religion business).

It's even less tangible than insurance (which I also tried to sell in my younger days, with about as much success as I had in the religion business).

When you get down to it, religion and insurance aren't all that different.

When you get down to it, religion and insurance aren't all that different.
Well, that's the essence of Pascal's Wager, isn't it? Belief in God is insurance in case He/She/It/They actually exist.

Well, that's the essence of Pascal's Wager, isn't it? Belief in God is insurance in case He/She/It/They actually exist.

Indeed. I remain agnostic, though, which is sort of the insurance equivalent of burying jars of loose change in the yard.

So, how do you typically deal with faith-peddlers?
Although I much prefer locking didactical horns with them, I cannot always spare the time. They will leave rather quickly if you answer every question in the exact opposite way from what they expect. If they ask "Would you like to know how to be saved?" answer, "No thank you." Continue doing that until they get frustrated and leave. :)

Although I much prefer locking didactical horns with them, I cannot always spare the time. They will leave rather quickly if you answer every question in the exact opposite way from what they expect. If they ask "Would you like to know how to be saved?" answer, "No thank you." Continue doing that until they get frustrated and leave. :)

I've never had to answer one of those people, but if I do, I think a good answer would be "I already know how to be saved. It's simple a matter of digitising my data and having it inscribed onto a permanent storage medium".

I had a Jahovah's Witness come to my door one day (on Xmas morning). It was about 8:30 in the morning. I was totally unaware that she was trying to convert me until she just before she decided to leave. I think she may have cut her speach a little short because I was a a sixteen year old who appeared stoned out of his mind (that's just how I am in the morning). When I figured out what she was doing, I considered trying a mind-game or being a general asshat, but she had her 6ish year old daughter with her and thought that would be weak.

I've never had to answer one of those people, but if I do, I think a good answer would be "I already know how to be saved. It's simple a matter of digitising my data and having it inscribed onto a permanent storage medium".

TRON > Religion.

TRON > Religion.

I haven't seen Tron for a very long time, I was just giving a computer-related answer.

If I have the time or paitence...
I invite them in, be nice, listen to what they have to say. I answer their questions, and manipulate the situation so that rather then them trying to convert me to their religion, I'm actually trying to convert them. Often they never even know untl they're about to leave that I was doing that, and it urks them out.
I have yet to gain a convert through it... but I don't see alot of Mormons or Jahova's Wittnesses.

I usually listen to them and let them go on there way its the least I can do (of course I might cum..I mean come onto one now that you have mentioned it)

As soon as they have introduced themselves, I explain that I am an existentialist atheist, that there is no Meaning, and close the door.

I usually just slam the door in their faces and go back to watching TV...

I haven't seen many come by my door, but if they did I would just lie and say I'm a flamboyant atheist. Then I would ask them to prove it, and of course when they say its more than a matter of proof I will respond "Ah ha! So you've got nothing!" then they'll leave.....

I had the exact same thing happen the other day. I interrupted their spiel and told them I wasn't interested, and then slammed the door before they could answer. I've never had them knock again, but if they did I'd come back with a gun.

How will I ever finish my Imperial Guard with strange people knocking on my door all day? 30 down, 100 to go :(

So, sitting here, painting my Warhammer figures, I hear a knock at the door, and behold, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day So-and-So has come to my door. They've seen me now, it's too late to turn back. The ask me if I'm looking for the answers of life's biggest questions. Why are we here? Where did we come from? Where are we going? I tell them that I think life is a big mystery game and that if I cheat I'll have to go back to Start and probably come in last. It's always a hoot when they come to the door, once you get past the awkwardness and realise that the awkwardness is entirely on YOUR side, not theirs.

So, how do you typically deal with faith-peddlers?

Let them in. Then when they try to convert you ask the hard questions. What sort of God wants a human sacrafice to clense sins? If God created the universe, what created God? If God is eternal, why can't the universe be eternal? Why will I go to hell if I don't do as God wants? If he gave me free will, I should have the right to use it as I see fit without being punished, eh?

When they answer "I don't know" or "God works in mysterious way", then you say "I'm sorry, I can't be part of a religion with so much uncertainty." and they go home with a feeling of unfulfilment. Everybody wins.