NationStates Jolt Archive

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

For the occasional NS General post from me, of course. ;)

To see what happens next.

The alternative doesn't interest me much.

What else is there to do?

haha it sounds like we're talking along very similar lines this afternoon...

why do you fucking bother?


as for your question: i don't know. i was hoping someone could tell me. it seems like everything you do takes so much effort, and if you don't get any benefit back - ever - from that effort, why put the effort in in the first place? :confused:
couple that with not enjoying anything in life - hobbies and things i used to find "fun" no longer hold any interest... nothing does - and going through day by day feeling nothing but shitty negative emotions circling around always coming back to hit you, putting so much effort in every day just to stave them off and feel 'neutral' - if you can't feel good stuff then at least put effort in to stop feeling the bad stuff; that way you can work like a good little boy like you're supposed to. never talk about it though! oh god no, never talk about it... "can't deal with that right now" or "i don't understand"... neither do i but i need some help and... ah fuck it i don't know where i'm going with this - just rambiling.
the thing that makes me happy and makes life worth it is amy, but she's 70 miles away and not around anyway, and even if she was i couldn't talk to her cos of supposedly being at work.

i'm sorry you feel bad cabra :(
as i say i wish i had something good to say but i just don't know

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

I live for the purpose of living. It would be against my nature to not survive and satisfy my human appetites.

That and I'm curious as to how the world will be destroyed, should be entertaining at least. *crosses fingers for zombie apocolypse*

...because the alternative is so full of unknowns, and it would actually require effort NOT to bother. You see, Im both lazy and a coward, so life will have to do until I get a better offer.

haha it sounds like we're talking along very similar lines this afternoon...




as for your question: i don't know. i was hoping someone could tell me. it seems like everything you do takes so much effort, and if you don't get any benefit back - ever - from that effort, why put the effort in in the first place? :confused:
couple that with not enjoying anything in life - hobbies and things i used to find "fun" no longer hold any interest... nothing does - and going through day by day feeling nothing but shitty negative emotions circling around always coming back to hit you, putting so much effort in every day just to stave them off and feel 'neutral' - if you can't feel good stuff then at least put effort in to stop feeling the bad stuff; that way you can work like a good little boy like you're supposed to. never talk about it though! oh god no, never talk about it... "can't deal with that right now" or "i don't understand"... neither do i but i need some help and... ah fuck it i don't know where i'm going with this - just rambiling.
the thing that makes me happy and makes life worth it is amy, but she's 70 miles away and not around anyway, and even if she was i couldn't talk to her cos of supposedly being at work.

i'm sorry you feel bad cabra :(
as i say i wish i had something good to say but i just don't know

Very similar indeed... increase the distance, add a lot of insecurity right now....
:(

Very similar indeed... increase the distance, add a lot of insecurity right now....
:(
i really do hope things sort themselves out for you - you deserve to be happy :fluffle:

Because life bothers with me.

It's no bother.

there are too many things that need to be done, that wouldn't get done if I wasn't around ( or at least wouldn't get done correctly) such is the life of a control freak and a perfectionist.

To better answer your question: I'm immensely curious. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I'm always fascinated to find out what it is.

Pudussy.

Reasons why I bother:

My Children
My Wife
Rock and Roll
Budweiser in a bottle
An occasional doob
My Friends
Kitties!
Chili's Presidente Margaritas
Sunshine
Bacon
Fighting with rednecks
Summer days at the lake
Strange pussy
Old blues
Jack Daniels
Evan Williams
Tool
A good cigar
Boxing
Puppies!
The off-chance I'll get to tease an angsty emo-kid
Chicken-fried stead with mashed 'taters :)
And... My Children, again.

That enough reason to bother? I've got lots more. The alternative to all of that fun, interesting shit is about as boring as death....

Pudussy.

Spoken like a true young'un who doesn't get any. :rolleyes:

Bacon

Hell yes! I'd eat my left foot if it were wrapped in bacon! :D

I've got nothing better to do at the moment, so might as well.

ignorance (of this question) is bliss.

Your guys need to find your selves a career! I found mine and I have been happy ever since! AND I'm still in school for it.
Orthotics and Prosthetics Tech.
I make back, knee, leg, wrist, ect. braces and artificial limbs. I get to work with my hands and it is REALLY satisfing to look at your finished product and think this is going to help someone. I LOVE it! Plus it has great job oppertunities and great pay all over the country!!!
Plus it isn't heavy on "book" learning which I hate. :D

Because I believe in a life and a world after this one, and I guarantee if you make the most of this one the next one will be MUCH better...but no I don't know why people who don't believe in that and/or other spiritual things even bother...

Spoken like a true young'un who doesn't get any. :rolleyes:
Spoken like a true random e-person that knows absoloutly nothing about me.:rolleyes:

It doesn't really matter whether I live or die, so I can just live on, since I feel like it at the moment.;)

And then, I have a few intresting goals:
1. One possibility to examine. It will prove itself true or false within the near future.
2. If above possibility turns out to be false, then, keep fueling my hatred of humanity. (specifically, part of the core of what makes humans human; human stupidity. something that, if the previously mentioned possibility turns out to be false, is best solved by eradicating all of humanity) And, if I can, eradicate all of humanity, including me. (now that would simple be... wonderful:D)
3. If it turns out true, then I will have a lot of intresting things to do, and I will have found a purely logical meaning for existance.

*insert maniacal giggle here*

I'm actually curious, now. Not to be a dick, but instead of sitting here, feeling sorry for yourself and posting sad-ass threads, why aren't you out pursuing life? I'm sure there is a moderately attractive plump girl somewhere in Dublin, Ireland. Go buy her a pint and take care of business.

I've found that 99% of people who are alone are only so because of a lack of initiative or confidence. Stop fucking around. :)

Just my take on the whole angst thing.

I'm actually curious, now. Not to be a dick, but instead of sitting here, feeling sorry for yourself and posting sad-ass threads, why aren't you out pursuing life? I'm sure there is a moderately attractive plump girl somewhere in Dublin, Ireland. Go buy her a pint and take care of business.

I've found that 99% of people who are alone are only so because of a lack of initiative or confidence. Stop fucking around. :)

Just my take on the whole angst thing.

Erm... you are suggesting I out to buy myself a pint?

Yes. :) There's someone out there dying to help you drink it and maybe have a dance, a laugh, and a shag, if all goes according to plan.

Yes. :) There's someone out there dying to help you drink it and maybe have a dance, a laugh, and a shag, if all goes according to plan.

So... what would I want with that person?

A good time? One of those reasons to live life you were so curious about? Friendship?

A good time? One of those reasons to live life you were so curious about? Friendship?

Good times don't last, and friendships are broken up....

The alternative doesn't interest me much.

Why not?

Good times don't last, and friendships are broken up....
They are not meant to last; that's what makes them good.

Edit: What I mean is the nonpermanence and transitory nature of the 'good times' is what makes them precious. If we had them all the time, they would be reduced to being the norm.

Mainly out of laziness, myself. I just can't be bothered to commit suicide. Additionally, my death would be a major inconvenience to my family. At the same time, I'm well aware that I have no business being alive. I have no real skills at anything whatsoever, I contribute nothing to society, and I'm a genetic failure overall.

Good times don't last, and friendships are broken up....

A shame you think that. I've found the exact oppposite. I've been having a good time for almost 23 years and I've no intention of stopping any time soon. :) Why? Because I make my own fun.

Friendships broken? Maybe, but then again, I would trade a dozen shattered friendships for one truly trusted friend.

Alas, my own life calls me away from the keyboard. This will be my last post on the subject, at least for today, but I do hope you find some measure of peace and happiness. Sorry to say, but if you do not it's noone's fault but your own. Nearly seven billion people on the earth, surely a few of them are perfect for you. Go find them.

Luck with it.

to see what i can do with it cuz you never know

It's more fun than the alternative, I haven't visited Bhutan yet, and I can work on designing airplanes that pwn all of your asses (for MT RPers at least). :p

I'm not so cruel as to intentionally deprive the world of my presence.

I'm not so cruel as to intentionally deprive the world of my presence.
How sweet of you! :D

A shame you think that. I've found the exact oppposite. I've been having a good time for almost 23 years and I've no intention of stopping any time soon. :) Why? Because I make my own fun.

Friendships broken? Maybe, but then again, I would trade a dozen shattered friendships for one truly trusted friend.

Alas, my own life calls me away from the keyboard. This will be my last post on the subject, at least for today, but I do hope you find some measure of peace and happiness. Sorry to say, but if you do not it's noone's fault but your own. Nearly seven billion people on the earth, surely a few of them are perfect for you. Go find them.

Luck with it.

I'm not blaming anyone but myself...

I am determined to find a girl who isn't a lesbian or has a boyfriend...or say's she'll text you later when you ask her out. That and reading is basically it really. But mainly the girl thing.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

I don't bother with it, really. It just happened, and I'm stuck with it.

Good times don't last, and friendships are broken up....

Good times do happen though and new friendships are made when some are lost. Your fate is in your own hands, that is why I live.

Because I believe that it will all be evened out in the end.

Why do I bother? As long as my penis works theres always hope for the future. I could just kill myself now, but what if I got laid tonight? I just couldnt forgive myself for missing out. Not that I'd know anyhow since id be dead.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

Because there are times, albeit rare, that someone, somewhere out there needs me; needs someone honorable and loyal, or simply a shoulder to lean on. If I weren't there, they might be hurt.

In other words, because there are times when my sheer existence and committment to putting up with all the bullshit makes the world and the people in it better for the experience.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

Why do we bother with life? Because it bothers us.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

We don't. We just get suicidal thoughts bu shun them because we have pitiful thoughts on the dishonour and sadness it will cause your faily. Is it possible to hang yourself with a school tie without it breaking? I might try it, but I don't want to get my mum upset when she discvers she has to pay £3 for a new tie because I tried to commit suicide.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

If your considering suicide, DO IT. The world needs less emo/suicidal dung brains.

Maybe I'll regret saying this later on, but even so, I still stand by it.

If your considering suicide, DO IT. The world needs less emo/suicidal dung brains.

Maybe I'll regret saying this later on, but even so, I still stand by it.

I am at a loss of words, too bad you weren't.

We don't. We just get suicidal thoughts bu shun them because we have pitiful thoughts on the dishonour and sadness it will cause your faily. Is it possible to hang yourself with a school tie without it breaking? I might try it, but I don't want to get my mum upset when she discvers she has to pay £3 for a new tie because I tried to commit suicide.
you are such a thoughtful son! your mother must be proud of you.

i went through a time in my life when i pondered this as well, and i go tot thinking, why do i continue to do what i do everyday, what is holding me back, then i got to thinking, religion is what holds people in place, it is what they think is going to happen next, or how people will see them after they are dead, or how people will see their family.

but even then i cant explain for the atheist, for the big bang theorist, what is it that keeps them going, if they truely beleive that once dead they are just dust, what holds them back from taking over the world, or attempting it, what is it that keeps them going in life?

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

Because it's the only game in town.

Get to know some other players, try to bend the rules a little, and if you find someone who doesn't like you for the way you play, keep playing just to shove it in his or her face. It makes the game much more fun.

That, and playing drunk, of course

but even then i cant explain for the atheist, for the big bang theorist, what is it that keeps them going, if they truely beleive that once dead they are just dust, what holds them back from taking over the world, or attempting it, what is it that keeps them going in life?

Samritans, churches, sadness they might cause, pain they might suffer when it fails. In my case the belief that my school tie would break when I try to hang, and I'd get my mum upset, and probably have to go to those patronizing school councillors. I'd only go to a councillor if I get a wollipop.

If you really question your own existance rather than turning immediatly toward religion pick up a few books on philosophy. Rene Descartes would be an excellent start, maybe Hobbes if you're feeling cynical.

Philosophy helped me out when I doubted my own existance and questioned my every action.

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

anyway

why do i bother?

life is good!

my neice is pregnant again. im SURE she is going to have a little red haired boy, ive decided they should call him JACK. if only it were up to me

the finches have come back to my window feeder. the cat spends all her waking daylight hours trying to jump through the screen to kill them.

i bought a 1934 shirley temple doll in excellent condition for $100 last week

whats to bother??

Because it's the only game in town.

Get to know some other players, try to bend the rules a little, and if you find someone who doesn't like you for the way you play, keep playing just to shove it in his or her face. It makes the game much more fun.

That, and playing drunk, of course

i have thought about that too, what if we are really leading really dull lifes, the high point in most peoples lifes is love, sex, what if an alien race was to come and provide us with something 10 times greater then love, would we love anymore?

i have thought about that too, what if we are really leading really dull lifes, the high point in most peoples lifes is love, sex, what if an alien race was to come and provide us with something 10 times greater then love, would we love anymore?
well theres a good question!

i think we would but it wouldnt be the end all and be all anymore. this new pleasure would be.

although...im told that the first injection of heroin is WAY better than sex so i guess that might not be true. or maybe that proves it.....

oh i dont know, what do you think?

If we only live to reproduce, then what's the point of existence except to exist. No matter what you do, no matter how big it is, It's going to be a really small action that really affects noone in the end.

If we only live to reproduce, then what's the point of existence except to exist. No matter what you do, no matter how big it is, It's going to be a really small action that really affects noone in the end.

Small men have made enormous impacts on the history of everything.

The teenager who assassinated Prince Franz Ferdinand, started WWI, which led to WWII and thus he alone started the death Imperialism.

Small men have made enormous impacts on the history of everything.

ut in the end death, and it's just another page in a meaningless book forgotten by meaningless people.

i have thought about that too, what if we are really leading really dull lifes, the high point in most peoples lifes is love, sex, what if an alien race was to come and provide us with something 10 times greater then love, would we love anymore?

Of course we'd still love. Love is part of human nature, or at least I believe so, and something brought in by aliens, even it is ten times better, just wouldn't be able to fill the same need.

Besides, find anything ten times stronger than love and it'll probably kill you through some kind of sensory overload.

Why do you bother with life?

I've been asking myself that very question for the last week or so.

Are you reading my mind? :p

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?
Because there's always plenty of time for the alternative option.

I've been asking myself that very question for the last week or so.

Are you reading my mind? :p

Yours and PM's, it would seem...


Oh, and thanks to that brilliant poster who suggested I should go and finally finish it. What a sense of humour, indeed. :rolleyes:

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

Pursuit of pleasure.
No interest in death.
Desire to help people and contribute to society.

Oh, and thanks to that brilliant poster who suggested I should go and finally finish it. What a sense of humour, indeed. :rolleyes:
If you are referring to me, I wasn't joking.
What did you expect? Everybody to come up to you with hugs and kisses and advice to keep going, not to give up? You asked a question, you got an answer.
I think all you're doing is seeking attention, what with all the one-line pseudo-cryptic replies ending in dots. (blah blah blah...)
So come on, tell us what is wrong with your life that is so bad as to make you want to die. Then perhaps I'll feel sorry for you.
Just don't hate me for being honest. At least I have the guts to say what I think, without all fancy-talk to disguise it.

it seems like everything you do takes so much effort, and if you don't get any benefit back - ever - from that effort, why put the effort in in the first place?

couple that with not enjoying anything in life - hobbies and things i used to find "fun" no longer hold any interest... nothing does - and

going through day by day feeling nothing but shitty negative emotions circling around always coming back to hit you, putting so much effort in every day just to stave them off and feel 'neutral'
Find some new and better hobbies. Identify and Eliminate the causes of negative emotions. If you keep talking about how your life sucks, it will.

I've found that 99% of people who are alone are only so because of a lack of initiative or confidence. Stop fucking around. :)

Well, finding a compatible person can be really difficult.

If you are referring to me, I wasn't joking.
What did you expect? Everybody to come up to you with hugs and kisses and advice to keep going, not to give up? You asked a question, you got an answer.
I think all you're doing is seeking attention, what with all the one-line pseudo-cryptic replies ending in dots. (blah blah blah...)
So come on, tell us what is wrong with your life that is so bad as to make you want to die. Then perhaps I'll feel sorry for you.
Just don't hate me for being honest. At least I have the guts to say what I think, without all fancy-talk to disguise it.

I'm seeking conversation. If that's seeking attention in your book, put me down as attention whore.

I would assume that Nadkor who I replied to knows that PM is short for Pure Metal, and if he read the thread he would know that I had a short, similar conversation with him earlier.

I don't ask anybody to feel sorry for me, and I've no intention on giving you a five-line summary of my life. Most people here know already that I'm in a rather difficult relationship, and my current depression is directly related to that. I'm not giving names or details here.

Well, finding a compatible person can be really difficult.

Having found one (or rather, that person having found and completely changed me), and then helplessly watching how it might all get dismanteled again is even worse, to be honest.

There is value in experience, there is nothing in death.

There is value in experience, there is nothing in death.
Nothing is what I sometimes long for from the bottom of my heart.

Chili's Presidente Margaritas



The president of Chile is Michelle Bachelet, not this Margaritas you speak of.

I'm seeking conversation. If that's seeking attention in your book, put me down as attention whore.

I would assume that Nadkor who I replied to knows that PM is short for Pure Metal, and if he read the thread he would know that I had a short, similar conversation with him earlier.

I don't ask anybody to feel sorry for me, and I've no intention on giving you a five-line summary of my life. Most people here know already that I'm in a rather difficult relationship, and my current depression is directly related to that. I'm not giving names or details here.
OK, at least you're not as bad as the other suicide thread...
I do apologise for sounding like an asshole, but thats the way I am I guess.
Relationship problems? If I was having a difficult relationship, and it was getting me depressed, what I would do is break all ties with that person, never speak to them again. But dont take that the wrong way or anything, because I don't know what kind of problems youre having or anything. And no, I'm not asking you to tell me.
I'm not going to post here again, I have better things to do than argue with someone I've never met.

OK, at least you're not as bad as the other suicide thread...
I do apologise for sounding like an asshole, but thats the way I am I guess.
Relationship problems? If I was having a difficult relationship, and it was getting me depressed, what I would do is break all ties with that person, never speak to them again. But dont take that the wrong way or anything, because I don't know what kind of problems youre having or anything. And no, I'm not asking you to tell me.
I'm not going to post here again, I have better things to do than argue with someone I've never met.

From which I deduct you've never had anything ressembling a serious relationship. But thanks for sharing that thought anyway.
As I said, I'm not looking for relationship advice (although I have in the past, and a lot of it did actually help), I'm currently looking for a reason to keep going this night. And maybe the weekend...

My work here isn't done. :shiftyeyes:

Plus I've no idea what happens when someone dies, so trying to stay alive the longest and working for the best life possible seems like the best plan.

Nothing is what I sometimes long for from the bottom of my heart.

This isn't starting over nothing. This is no longer existing nothing.

I can't understand how someone would not want to exist, as for me, pain is better than not existing, at least for the sensation or experience.

As I said, I'm not looking for relationship advice (although I have in the past, and a lot of it did actually help), I'm currently looking for a reason to keep going this night. And maybe the weekend...
You're not going to get a reason from anyone here. It has to come from you.

Agent Smith: "Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than just your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why?! Why do you persist!?"

Neo: "Because I choose to (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism)."

Simple as that.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?
Revenge, of course. *nods*

Professor Farnsworth:" With my last breath ... I curse Zoidberg! "

Because, I have so much to do:

1) Publish my novel
2) Publish more novels
3) Finish my movie script
4) Go to University
5) Go to Europe (this one comes true in 9 DAYS!!!)
6) Create my political party
7) Be elected Prime Minister
8) Abolish the military
9) Overhaul the justice system
10) Make Canada a place of peace, tolerance, and healing (which it almost is)
11) Score a lead in next year's musical
12) Appear on Oprah
13) Star in an Opera.
14) Star in Phantom of the Opera (as Christine)
15) Star in Phantom of the Opera again (as Carlotta)
16) Have a boyfriend. (Ok, this one is pure fiction).
17) Other?
Not nessacarily in that order.

Neo: "Because I choose to (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism)."That's perhaps the most worthless, stupid and inane reason I'm came across in the entirety of this thread. In fact the question implies that a choice is being made and the answer simply reafirms that. No reason is specified other than the implicit blind lumbering hulk that Neo represents.

Because, I have so much to do:

1) Publish my novel
2) Publish more novels
3) Finish my movie script
4) Go to University
5) Go to Europe (this one comes true in 9 DAYS!!!)
6) Create my political party
7) Be elected Prime Minister
8) Abolish the military
9) Overhaul the justice system
10) Make Canada a place of peace, tolerance, and healing (which it almost is)
11) Score a lead in next year's musical
12) Appear on Oprah
13) Star in an Opera.
14) Star in Phantom of the Opera (as Christine)
15) Star in Phantom of the Opera again (as Carlotta)
16) Have a boyfriend. (Ok, this one is pure fiction).
17) Other?
Not nessacarily in that order.
ambition. great motivation to get stuff done.

lack of ambition = :confused:
edit: or unfocused ambition. same difference.

Because my life is mine, damn it, and I ain't giving it up.

Because there really is no other option, well not one I'd want to choose anyway.

ambition. great motivation to get stuff done.

lack of ambition = :confused:
edit: or unfocused ambition. same difference.

What? Are you saying I do or do not have ambition?

Reasons why I bother:

My Children
My Wife
Rock and Roll
Budweiser in a bottle
An occasional doob
My Friends
Kitties!
Chili's Presidente Margaritas
Sunshine
Bacon
Fighting with rednecks
Summer days at the lake
Strange pussy
Old blues
Jack Daniels
Evan Williams
Tool
A good cigar
Boxing
Puppies!
The off-chance I'll get to tease an angsty emo-kid
Chicken-fried stead with mashed 'taters :)
And... My Children, again.

That enough reason to bother? I've got lots more. The alternative to all of that fun, interesting shit is about as boring as death....
Holy contradictions! :p

What? Are you saying I do or do not have ambition?
You do, he doesn't, is what he's saying.

You do, he doesn't, is what he's saying.

Oh, ok.

I would assume that Nadkor who I replied to knows that PM is short for Pure Metal, and if he read the thread he would know that I had a short, similar conversation with him earlier.
Well, yes, I thought around here PM always referred to Huw.

Anyway, listen love...things will be OK. Might not seem that way now, but they will.

That's what I've been telling myself all day, so I might as well tell you too, in the hope it's true :p

Actually, you know...I really don't know why I bother with life.

I mean, it's not a life I enjoy at all, it's a life that depresses me constantly.

And the problem is something I'm too scared to change.

So why bother? After all, if I wasn't alive anymore, I wouldn't have to worry.

Every time I try to kill myself, I get arrested. I hate it!

You do, he doesn't, is what he's saying.
bingo

Well, yes, I thought around here PM always referred to Huw.

which is my real name *nods*
glitziness calls me that cos she knows me for real, but you can call me whichever i don't mind :P

Actually, you know...I really don't know why I bother with life.

I mean, it's not a life I enjoy at all, it's a life that depresses me constantly.

And the problem is something I'm too scared to change.

So why bother? After all, if I wasn't alive anymore, I wouldn't have to worry.
its actually a way of thinking that makes a lot of sense. nihilism is logical. and ignorance is bliss - never think about these sorts of questions, never suffer these problems. bah.

which is my real name *nods*
glitziness calls me that cos she knows me for real, but you can call me whichever i don't mind :P

Aye, well I did think it made more sense than saying "Well, yes, I thought around here PM always referred to PM" ;)

its actually a way of thinking that makes a lot of sense. nihilism is logical. and ignorance is bliss - never think about these sorts of questions, never suffer these problems. bah.
Wait...so my general way of depressedly thinking that really there's no point because if I was dead it wouldn't matter.....actually has a name?

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

Why not?

Living why it is something to pass the time my good friend.

Hey Arse face how is it going?

This isn't starting over nothing. This is no longer existing nothing.

I can't understand how someone would not want to exist, as for me, pain is better than not existing, at least for the sensation or experience.

But if you wouldn't exist, you wouldn't miss them, would you?
Not to exist, not to have to bother with emotions, not to have to bother with anything any more, no pain, no suffering, no strife, no disappointments, no desperation, just nothing any more.
I'm still here, but I am looking forward to the moment

Well, yes, I thought around here PM always referred to Huw.

Anyway, listen love...things will be OK. Might not seem that way now, but they will.

That's what I've been telling myself all day, so I might as well tell you too, in the hope it's true :p

One way or another...
:fluffle:
They'll be ok for you for sure, and soon.

Because I want to know. I want to know about people, I want to know about things, I want to feel the awe that the heavens inspire. I want to touch the face of God. I assure you, if you look for a purpose to live, it's there. It's everywhere. I am in a state of continual wonderment that I am lucky enough to be alive.

You're not going to get a reason from anyone here. It has to come from you.

I'm still fighting for it.... but I know I'm losing.

Why do I bother with life? Because it's better than the alternative.

Why do I bother with life? Because it's better than the alternative.

how do you know that?

how do you know that?

Because there is absolutely nothing that would suggest that anything at all happens after you die. Nothingness doesn't appeal to my sense of fun.

Why do I bother with life? Because it's better than the alternative.

Besides that, you're pretty much gonna see the alternative eventually anyway, why not get us much of the good part out of life as you can

Because I want to know. I want to know about people, I want to know about things, I want to feel the awe that the heavens inspire. I want to touch the face of God. I assure you, if you look for a purpose to live, it's there. It's everywhere. I am in a state of continual wonderment that I am lucky enough to be alive.

Unfortunately, God can't stand to be touched. That's why He locked himself in his office with the collected works of R.A. Salvatore, opening the door only to exchange jars of his urine for jars of Yoohoo (tm) chocolate drink.

Besides that, you're pretty much gonna see the alternative eventually anyway, why not get us much of the good part out of life as you can

Unless they find a cure for death withing the next 65 years.:(

Unless they find a cure for death withing the next 65 years.:(

I definitely hope not...

I definitely hope not...

Why not. You get more time. Time to study mathematics.:D

Why not. You get more time. Time to study mathematics.:D

As long as they keep that cure optional, ok.

As long as they keep that cure optional, ok.

It's not like the government will force everyone to take the cure. Even if they do, it'll only stop old age. You can still off yourself.;)

It's not like the government will force everyone to take the cure. Even if they do, it'll only stop old age. You can still off yourself.;)

If only that were so easy. I've tried and failed at that before. Pathetic, I know.

If only that were so easy. I've tried and failed at that before. Pathetic, I know.

It's not that hard. Only difficult for people that actually want to live.

Okay, here's a reason to live: those little crumbs at the bottom of the tortilla bag, the ones that you have to pour into the last bit of salsa and mash them together into a mush to eat with a spoon.

It's not that hard. Only difficult for people that actually want to live.

You have to be not afraid of pain, that's the hard part.

Okay, here's a reason to live: those little crumbs at the bottom of the tortilla bag, the ones that you have to pour into the last bit of salsa and mash them together into a mush to eat with a spoon.

Nooo.... That's a reason for being committed to a psychiatric clinic. Not a reason to live.

You have to be not afraid of pain, that's the hard part.

Sure. If you want to do it the painful way. Hanging yourself or slitting your wrists isn't the most desireable way to go.

Sure. If you want to do it the painful way. Hanging yourself or slitting your wrists isn't the most desireable way to go.

In all the research I've done, I haven't yet come across a non-painful method that is really effective.
With most of the non-painful ways, the amount of time they take increase the likeliness of the person being found and reanimated. And many of them will have lasting physical and mental effects. Being reanimated to a life with brain dammage is not something anybody would wish for, I guess.

Agent Smith: "Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than just your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why?! Why do you persist!?"

Neo: "Because I choose to (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism)."

Simple as that.

I'm glad that existentialism got referenced here. And the link on top of it is nice. It's certainly a nice break from the nihilistic feel this thread is giving off.


It's a strange thing that we always are to have a reason for what we do. Can't doing it be enough? Or even less than that? Life has beauty infused in every inch of it, and more joy than most will ever realize. But sometimes, instead of delving so deep into it, or just searching, what's wrong with just being?

In all the research I've done, I haven't yet come across a non-painful method that is really effective.
With most of the non-painful ways, the amount of time they take increase the likeliness of the person being found and reanimated. And many of them will have lasting physical and mental effects. Being reanimated to a life with brain dammage is not something anybody would wish for, I guess.

Fast acting poison. Bulltet through the head. Jump off of a tall building. Attempt to headbutt a large moving truck.

And sign a DNR.

Fast acting poison. Bulltet through the head. Jump off of a tall building. Attempt to headbutt a large moving truck.

And sign a DNR.

Most poisons are extremely painful.
You wouldn't believe the amount of people who mess up "bullet through the head". It's not as easy or directly fatal, but it's one way to make sure that you'll live as a vegetable, should you survive.
Most tall buildings have security measures in place to ensure that nobody jumps of them.
And choosing the truck (or, another popular way, the train) will seriously traumatise, if not actually physically harm another person. Some people do that without blinking, others really only want to end their own existance, without endangering that of others.

And I'm not quite sure what a DNR is...

If I really felt I needed to die fast, I'd tell my wife that I want to fuck her sister, and why.

A therapist once told me that our current mindset is merely a point in a continuous series of mental events, and persistent depression can be recovered from with less fuss than a suicide.

Don't know if its true, but it sounded good.

And I'm not quite sure what a DNR is...

Do Not Resuscitate

EDIT: Although we told grandma it means "Dinner: No Rice"

Do Not Resuscitate

EDIT: Although we told grandma it means "Dinner: No Rice"

*lol
I seriously doubt people would respect that ;)

Most poisons are extremely painful.
You wouldn't believe the amount of people who mess up "bullet through the head". It's not as easy or directly fatal, but it's one way to make sure that you'll live as a vegetable, should you survive.
Most tall buildings have security measures in place to ensure that nobody jumps of them.
And choosing the truck (or, another popular way, the train) will seriously traumatise, if not actually physically harm another person. Some people do that without blinking, others really only want to end their own existance, without endangering that of others.

And I'm not quite sure what a DNR is...

Look up the part of the brain that controls pain. Point the gun at that particular point in the brain. Pull the trigger. Have a previously signed DNR (Do Not Resuscitate ) so that doctors cannot do anything to you, thus allowing you to die.

For an effictive suicide, the person must be confident in their aim to end their own life. Nervousness due to the will to live will cause an unsteady hand and a failed suicide.


There we are.

Do Not Resuscitate

EDIT: Although we told grandma it means "Dinner: No Rice"

:D

Look up the part of the brain that controls pain. Point the gun at that particular point in the brain. Pull the trigger. Have a previously signed DNR (Do Not Resuscitate ) so that doctors cannot do anything to you, thus allowing you to die.

For an effictive suicide, the person must be confident in their aim to end their own life. Nervousness due to the will to live will cause an unsteady hand and a failed suicide.


There we are.

Good thing I'm not.
At the moment, anyway.

Look up the part of the brain that controls pain. Point the gun at that particular point in the brain. Pull the trigger. Have a previously signed DNR (Do Not Resuscitate ) so that doctors cannot do anything to you, thus allowing you to die.

For an effictive suicide, the person must be confident in their aim to end their own life. Nervousness due to the will to live will cause an unsteady hand and a failed suicide.


There we are.

I guess if you were really committed, you could go back to school for an advanced degree in geophysics, find a research project that uses seismic charges, find a narrow crevice, crawl deep into it and detonate the charge.

But then, you'd expose yourself to the beauty of physics, and the profound majesty of the natural world would fill you with a euphoric desire to know more, driving you to a life of discovery...

And besides, you can't kill yourself, 'cause that prick department chair wants you to grade those undergrad lab quizes before next monday, the cockgobbler...

Simple, gotta see what's next. Yeah, relationships break up, you lose friends, shit happens. But, you also find start relationships, find friends, and life is golden.

Ya get both in a lifetime, and I just want to see what happens next.

I guess if you were really committed, you could go back to school for an advanced degree in geophysics, find a research project that uses seismic charges, find a narrow crevice, crawl deep into it and detonate the charge.

But then, you'd expose yourself to the beauty of physics, and the profound majesty of the natural world would fill you with a euphoric desire to know more, driving you to a life of discovery...

And besides, you can't kill yourself, 'cause that prick department chair wants you to grade those undergrad lab quizes before next monday, the cockgobbler...


You might also simply take a hiking trip through a nice little mine field. :D
Would save time and trouble.

I guess if you were really committed, you could go back to school for an advanced degree in geophysics, find a research project that uses seismic charges, find a narrow crevice, crawl deep into it and detonate the charge.

But then, you'd expose yourself to the beauty of physics, and the profound majesty of the natural world would fill you with a euphoric desire to know more, driving you to a life of discovery...

And besides, you can't kill yourself, 'cause that prick department chair wants you to grade those undergrad lab quizes before next monday, the cockgobbler...

Yes. The beauty of mathematics has prevented my sudden demise. Now I won't even consider an end to my life until my purpose is fulfilled.

As for the cockgobbler, you could always make his murder look like a suicide.

You might also simply take a hiking trip through a nice little mine field. :D
Would save time and trouble.
But you might end up in downtown Tokyo! :eek:

You might also simply take a hiking trip through a nice little mine field. :D
Would save time and trouble.


They have those just lying around? Guess you could fly to Europe, take the train to the part of Ethniklashistan

I dunno, dude...mines cripple a lot, and don't always kill, according to a Batman comic I once read

But you might end up in downtown Tokyo! :eek:

If TV taught me anything, they have Godzilla. Nice way of dying, too :D

If TV taught me anything, they have Godzilla. Nice way of dying, too :D
Haven't seem him yet. And it would hurt like hell to get pounded to death by his bat. ;)

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

I'm great, that's why I bother.

The rest of you are OK I suppose.

Cheer up: :)

Yes. The beauty of mathematics has prevented my sudden demise. Now I won't even consider an end to my life until my purpose is fulfilled.

As for the cockgobbler, you could always make his murder look like a suicide.

So when I hear you got the Fields medal, should I worry?

Naw...every new solution opens k more questions, where k is some positive integer....

They have those just lying around? Guess you could fly to Europe, take the train to the part of Ethniklashistan

I dunno, dude...mines cripple a lot, and don't always kill, according to a Batman comic I once read

Being in Europe saves time in that respect. There are plenty of places where they just lie around, especially the Balkans, I guess.

True, they cripple rather than kill, though...

They have those just lying around? Guess you could fly to Europe, take the train to the part of Ethniklashistan

I dunno, dude...mines cripple a lot, and don't always kill, according to a Batman comic I once read

Could always play tennis with a frag grenade. That'll do the trick.

They have those just lying around? Guess you could fly to Europe, take the train to the part of Ethniklashistan

I dunno, dude...mines cripple a lot, and don't always kill, according to a Batman comic I once read

That's the kind of reference source you could use to make a case out of! If you ever try to ban land mines, you know where to go to make sure you win that legal battle.

Cheer up: :)
Man, if it was that easy.. :)

Haven't seem him yet. And it would hurt like hell to get pounded to death by his bat. ;)

You mean it would take more than one hit? :eek:

You mean it would take more than one hit? :eek:
Well, I mean he's strong and a good hitter, but I don't think he can kill someone with one blow. I don't think so at least.

Well, I mean he's strong and a good hitter, but I don't think he can kill someone with one blow. I don't think so at least.

Maybe it would work to just slip right under his foot? The weight should definitely do the trick ;)

Could always play tennis with a frag grenade. That'll do the trick.

Feel bad for the ballboys...

Feel bad for the ballboys...

:D

That's the kind of reference source you could use to make a case out of! If you ever try to ban land mines, you know where to go to make sure you win that legal battle.

Nope, I tried it once. My esteemed opposing party countered with a the precendent of "X-Men vs. The Avengers", and I had to settle out of court.

I was thinking.. I danced on my roof today. For utterly no reason whatsoever. It won't make much of a difference in my life, or anyone else's. It's pretty pointless, really. But for those few moments, I was really happy and glad to be alive. It didn't matter if there was a point to it all.. I had everything I could ever hope for, and was at peace with the world.

It was a good day. Maybe there's something similar there you could use?

Nope, I tried it once. My esteemed opposing party countered with a the precendent of "X-Men vs. The Avengers", and I had to settle out of court.

Next time, call Matt Murdock. Make sure he knows that the jury might need some understaning of how important the case is to the safety of the world, and a little helpful persuasion would be in everyones best interest.

I was thinking.. I danced on my roof today. For utterly no reason whatsoever. It won't make much of a difference in my life, or anyone else's. It's pretty pointless, really. But for those few moments, I was really happy and glad to be alive. It didn't matter if there was a point to it all.. I had everything I could ever hope for, and was at peace with the world.

It was a good day. Maybe there's something similar there you could use?

Thank you, but no... not at the moment. I felt that way only last Monday, though.

It is my own fault really. I've had all I wanted and was happy, and now it gets taken away. I should not have trusted anybody, and been happy exclusively with thing nobody could take away....

Maybe it would work to just slip right under his foot? The weight should definitely do the trick ;)
But... he's not THAT heavy (Unless you're really tiny).

I mean...
http://yankeefan.blogspot.com/godzilla.jpg
Really... ;)

But... he's not THAT heavy (Unless you're really tiny).

I mean...
http://yankeefan.blogspot.com/godzilla.jpg
Really... ;)

I think I may have been talking about another TV program there ;)

Thank you, but no... not at the moment. I felt that way only last Monday, though.

It is my own fault really. I've had all I wanted and was happy, and now it gets taken away. I should not have trusted anybody, and been happy exclusively with thing nobody could take away....

With the exception of the pathologically euphoric, I'm not sure you can really be happy in an unassailable way.

If you can master self-delusion, then you've got a chance.

I think I may have been talking about another TV program there ;)
*lol* Sorry, I spent one day looking for an actual Godzilla toy to send back to the US and everyone in Japan assumed I was talking about Hideki Matsui.

With the exception of the pathologically euphoric, I'm not sure you can really be happy in an unassailable way.

If you can master self-delusion, then you've got a chance.

Hmm... I used to. I'm not sure if I can manage to return to that frame of mind, though.
I left it thinking the real thing might be better. Turns out it wasn't.

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

I'm great, that's why I bother.

The rest of you are OK I suppose.

Cheer up:

I posted this already, but I decided to post it again, to show my sensitive side.

Hmm... I used to. I'm not sure if I can manage to return to that frame of mind, though.
I left it thinking the real thing might be better. Turns out it wasn't.
The real thing is better, but you also got to acknowledge that you can't be happy all the time. No one is. And when life sucks it seems all of your life sucks, it doesn't. There were times when you were happy when all was right with the world, and they will return. There's a reason to keep going.

Maybe a change of scenery could inspire a change of heart and mind. Have you considered travelling?

The real thing is better, but you also got to acknowledge that you can't be happy all the time. No one is. And when life sucks it seems all of your life sucks, it doesn't. There were times when you were happy when all was right with the world, and they will return. There's a reason to keep going.

It all depends on one decision this weekend... and I'm scared out of my mind. Literally.

It all depends on one decision this weekend... and I'm scared out of my mind.
How can it all depend upon just one decision? You're young, you still have so many decisions to make that will make you happy or not.

It maybe an important decision, a very important one, but it is not the one that will decide forever and a day if you are happy or not.

So please don't make it one where you decide to live or not.

How can it all depend upon just one decision? You're young, you still have so many decisions to make that will make you happy or not.

It maybe an important decision, a very important one, but it is not the one that will decide forever and a day if you are happy or not.

So please don't make it one where you decide to live or not.

It's not my decision to make.

And, yes, that is more or less excatly what it will decide.

And I've made the decision whether I live or not every sinlge day in the past 2 decades, and that's what I'll keep doing.

How can it all depend upon just one decision? You're young, you still have so many decisions to make that will make you happy or not.

It maybe an important decision, a very important one, but it is not the one that will decide forever and a day if you are happy or not.

So please don't make it one where you decide to live or not.

I have to second this.. I've blown enough good things, and had enough bad, a few of each that were considered of paramount importance at the time. No real single decision in life is worth placing your life on, at least not like this.

It's not my decision to make.

And, yes, that is more or less excatly what it will decide.

And I've made the decision whether I live or not every sinlge day in the past 2 decades, and that's what I'll keep doing.
How can it decide that, when you do not know the future?

Thank you, but no... not at the moment. I felt that way only last Monday, though.

It is my own fault really. I've had all I wanted and was happy, and now it gets taken away. I should not have trusted anybody, and been happy exclusively with thing nobody could take away....

You still have you. They can't take that away. The things that are impermenant will be what's outside of you.. if you can't rely on that, worry about what's inside. Nobody can touch that if you'll only decide it.

It's not my decision to make.

And, yes, that is more or less excatly what it will decide.

And I've made the decision whether I live or not every sinlge day in the past 2 decades, and that's what I'll keep doing.

Then well done for making the right choice for twenty years.

Life mings sometimes, and sometimes for ages.

I only periodically feel as you do, and it makes me feel sad to think of it. You have our thoughts.

It does not depend on one desicion, though. Life is too unpredictable. Life never works as envisaged in my limited experience.

How can it decide that, when you do not know the future?

I know myself. I know what I can deal with, and I know what will break me.

I figured just now, that even if there's nothing in life, its just not worth ending it... (if that makes any sense at all)

I know myself. I know what I can deal with, and I know what will break me.

God will be very sad if you do something to harm yourself.

And, for the record, I am God. :(

You still have you. They can't take that away. The things that are impermenant will be what's outside of you.. if you can't rely on that, worry about what's inside. Nobody can touch that if you'll only decide it.

I allowed somebody to touch it... I know I sound like a 15-year-old right now.
I was alone and happy for 30 years. I didn't want any form of close relationship, I was too scared of the way it would hurt me. I knew I wasn't strong enough. And yet I was stupid enough to allow one to happen, I decided to trust and love a person. It wasn't easy, but it was beautiful beyond description. It was inspiring, it was comforting, it was exciting, it was fun and laughter... and it may be about to end.
I know I'll never allow anybody else that close ever again, and I don't know how I would cope with the rejection. I just don't know.

I figured just now, that even if there's nothing in life, its just not worth ending it... (if that makes any sense at all)

I'm not ending it. And I may not end it for years to come. I don't know. All I know is, I'm still here and alive.

I'm just sometimes wishing I wasn't there, I had never existed, I had never known emotions, life, everything.
That's not the same as ending my life, as ending it would hurt people, and I don't want to do that.

I know myself. I know what I can deal with, and I know what will break me.
Maybe your self-awareness will make you stronger than you know.

God will be very sad if you do something to harm yourself.

And, for the record, I am God. :(

I hate to break it to you, but I don't believe in you any more ;)

I know myself. I know what I can deal with, and I know what will break me.
I believe you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Ok, storytime.

When I was a very silly undergraduate (as opposed to being the very silly teacher I am now), I fell in love with a friend of mine. Actually, I had a crush on her since high school. This friend ended up getting trapped at my house during a bad snowstorm and had to spend the night. We ended up wrasling and, well, one thing led to another, but not quite all the way.

The next morning she appologized to me and said that it had been a mistake.

A wee bit later on, she started dating a guy who viewed her as a handy penis holster. She also moved into the house I was at. After about 6 months of some very complicated relationship issues, we ended up finishing what we had started previously, with me thinking her relationship with her bf was over.

It wasn't, and she didn't even bother to wait for the morning before she fled and told me how she didn't love me, at least not in that way. How it was a horrible, horrible mistake, so on and so forth.

I spent a year in dark depression. I came damn well close to taking my life and was inches away from it. Every morning I had to remind myself that the pocket knife and leatherman I carried were not to be used for that, that I kept the blades nice and sharp for other reasons than to go down the block on my arms.

I finally managed to rouse myself out of depression, but was now convinced that no woman in her right mind would ever want a guy like me. Ever. I had concluded that I was and would always remain alone and not happy.

I even said words to that effect the day before I somehow found the courage to ask the girl who in less than 6 months time will be my wife out for the very first time.

My point being, when that girl ran from me and told me that she did not love me, I did indeed feel that I could not bare it. I felt that I would never be happy. I did not know what awaited me later on, that there was one who is far better than she ever was and who can make me happy just by talking to me 5,000 miles away.

You are stronger and there WILL be better times if you let them come.

I allowed somebody to touch it... I know I sound like a 15-year-old right now.
I was alone and happy for 30 years. I didn't want any form of close relationship, I was too scared of the way it would hurt me. I knew I wasn't strong enough. And yet I was stupid enough to allow one to happen, I decided to trust and love a person. It wasn't easy, but it was beautiful beyond description. It was inspiring, it was comforting, it was exciting, it was fun and laughter... and it may be about to end.
I know I'll never allow anybody else that close ever again, and I don't know how I would cope with the rejection. I just don't know.

It hurts like a mother.. but you can always use it to come out of it a better person, to grow from it. I know that doesn't seem very likely now, and it probably wouldn't for ages after, but it can be done.

Hell, you had real happiness in it? Felt loved? Anything amazing and beautiful.. even if you can't go back to it, you've experienced it. You've seen something amazing, something so wonderful. You can always look back on it, or remember what it was. Help people along if they need it. There will always be the joy of what you had within you, if you'll allow yourself to feel it.

I hate to break it to you, but I don't believe in you any more ;)

I don't believe in me either, but that doesn't stop me from believing in me!

Or something like that.. but you know, making sense!

I believe you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Ok, storytime.

When I was a very silly undergraduate (as opposed to being the very silly teacher I am now), I fell in love with a friend of mine. Actually, I had a crush on her since high school. This friend ended up getting trapped at my house during a bad snowstorm and had to spend the night. We ended up wrasling and, well, one thing led to another, but not quite all the way.

The next morning she appologized to me and said that it had been a mistake.

A wee bit later on, she started dating a guy who viewed her as a handy penis holster. She also moved into the house I was at. After about 6 months of some very complicated relationship issues, we ended up finishing what we had started previously, with me thinking her relationship with her bf was over.

It wasn't, and she didn't even bother to wait for the morning before she fled and told me how she didn't love me, at least not in that way. How it was a horrible, horrible mistake, so on and so forth.

I spent a year in dark depression. I came damn well close to taking my life and was inches away from it. Every morning I had to remind myself that the pocket knife and leatherman I carried were not to be used for that, that I kept the blades nice and sharp for other reasons than to go down the block on my arms.

I finally managed to rouse myself out of depression, but was now convinced that no woman in her right mind would ever want a guy like me. Ever. I had concluded that I was and would always remain alone and not happy.

I even said words to that effect the day before I somehow found the courage to ask the girl who in less than 6 months time will be my wife out for the very first time.

My point being, when that girl ran from me and told me that she did not love me, I did indeed feel that I could not bare it. I felt that I would never be happy. I did not know what awaited me later on, that there was one who is far better than she ever was and who can make me happy just by talking to me 5,000 miles away.

You are stronger and there WILL be better times if you let them come.

I'm glad for you, I really am.

But I guess that's where my stuborness kicks in... I don't want anybody else. I never have, and I never will.
I'm pretty sure that somewhere out there is just the kind of person "I deserve", but I don't want him. I'm pretty sure that out there, there are one or two people who wouldn't mind being with me, but I don't want them.

As I said, my own fault, really....

It hurts like a mother.. but you can always use it to come out of it a better person, to grow from it. I know that doesn't seem very likely now, and it probably wouldn't for ages after, but it can be done.

Hell, you had real happiness in it? Felt loved? Anything amazing and beautiful.. even if you can't go back to it, you've experienced it. You've seen something amazing, something so wonderful. You can always look back on it, or remember what it was. Help people along if they need it. There will always be the joy of what you had within you, if you'll allow yourself to feel it.

I'm a bitter person... knowing I lost something makes me only hate myself even more.

I'm glad for you, I really am.

But I guess that's where my stuborness kicks in... I don't want anybody else. I never have, and I never will.
I'm pretty sure that somewhere out there is just the kind of person "I deserve", but I don't want him. I'm pretty sure that out there, there are one or two people who wouldn't mind being with me, but I don't want them.

As I said, my own fault, really....
And I felt, at the time, that I was destined and only wanted my friend. I have since learned differently. You will meet someone else who lights those fires again, even if it's not in the same way, they will burn as hot and as high, if not hotter and higher.

And I felt, at the time, that I was destined and only wanted my friend. I have since learned differently. You will meet someone else who lights those fires again, even if it's not in the same way, they will burn as hot and as high, if not hotter and higher.

I'm still hoping the decision will turn out positive... that somehow this will not be more than a bad dream.

I'm still hoping the decision will turn out positive... that somehow this will not be more than a bad dream.
It may be, and I hope it will. I just also hope that you will not tie your fate into this decision.

It may be, and I hope it will. I just also hope that you will not tie your fate into this decision.

In a way, I did that years ago. I don't know what I'll do. I just don't know.

In a way, I did that years ago. I don't know what I'll do. I just don't know.
Go one with your life and see what happens next. It could be the next day you turn the corner and there is the man who will dance with you throughout time, it may take years. That's my point, you don't know, and it would be a damn shame to give up when you don't know what's going to happen right?

Go one with your life and see what happens next. It could be the next day you turn the corner and there is the man who will dance with you throughout time, it may take years. That's my point, you don't know, and it would be a damn shame to give up when you don't know what's going to happen right?

Actually, no. I wouldn't care. Even if I knew today that all would turn out well without him in a week, I wouldn't care.

What I don't know, though, is if I could find the courage I need or just go on being unbearably miserable...

Actually, no. I wouldn't care. Even if I knew today that all would turn out well without him in a week, I wouldn't care.

What I don't know, though, is if I could find the courage I need or just go on being unbearably miserable...
I think, I hope, you'll find that courage. And I think that you will find that someday it is much better.

I think, I hope, you'll find that courage. And I think that you will find that someday it is much better.

I'm just so scared of his decision... I wish I could at least think of something else right now...

It's not that hard. Only difficult for people that actually want to live.I don't agree, in my experience suicide is more difficult than dealing with whatever issues you have.

I'm just so scared of his decision... I wish I could at least think of something else right now...
Why not go out then? Take a walk, a hike, a bike ride, a something? Go treat yourself to a movie? Something like that?

Why not go out then? Take a walk, a hike, a bike ride, a something? Go treat yourself to a movie? Something like that?

Largely because I can't stop crying. The amount of tears a body is able to produce in 24 h is staggering.

Why not go out then? Take a walk, a hike, a bike ride, a something? Go treat yourself to a movie? Something like that?

Some lady once told me that reasonably vigorous but recreational activity has some sort of mitigating neurochemical impact on depression.

Don't know if its true, and I'm a lazy fat bastard, but it sounded good.

Largely because I can't stop crying. The amount of tears a body is able to produce in 24 h is staggering.

Would it just be futile to point out that at least those tears let you know that you're alive?

EDIT: Not just physcially alive.. but emotinally as well.

Would it just be futile to point out that at least those tears let you know that you're alive?

That... and my headache, the cramp in my stomach and the pain when breathing. All reminders of my complete failure.

EDIT: Not just physcially alive.. but emotinally as well.

They make me wish I was about as emotionally alive as a slice of bread

Some lady once told me that reasonably vigorous but recreational activity has some sort of mitigating neurochemical impact on depression.

Don't know if its true, and I'm a lazy fat bastard, but it sounded good.

The amount of natural ways to stave off depression, in the clinical sense, is amazing. Hell, a tanning bed can help. Or rather, the UV rays. I guess you could always ask for a trip to the Caribbean, paid for the time you'd miss from work, and also have the trip paid for, all in the name of mental health.

It probably won't work, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

They make me wish I was about as emotionally alive as a slice of bread

..You sing a whole other tune once you're in that spot. There's something about being entirely unable to conjure the tiniest emotions, even when you want to, that really gets under your skin. It's more or less a living death, and a horrid one at that.

That... and my headache, the cramp in my stomach and the pain when breathing. All reminders of my complete failure.

Hey, whatever it takes to let you know you're still kicking. And, I'm not sure it's really possible to qualify as a failure in the game of life. You can't win, after all. All you can really do is get a different set of experiences to draw upon.

Hey, whatever it takes to let you know you're still kicking. And, I'm not sure it's really possible to qualify as a failure in the game of life. You can't win, after all. All you can really do is get a different set of experiences to draw upon.

No, you can't win. But you can lose - big time.

No, you can't win. But you can lose - big time.

Losing is as subjective as winning.

Just.. try your damndest not to do anything to hurt yourself (at least too drastic?) in the near future? Please?

No, you can't win. But you can lose - big time.

Are you really Irish?

'Cause I've heard "The Irish Endure, Come Famine, War, Poetry, or Drink, But the Irish Endure".

I asked an Irish friend what it means, and he said "It means suicide is for Welshmen."

Losing is as subjective as winning.

Just.. try your damndest not to do anything to hurt yourself (at least too drastic?) in the near future? Please?

I've given a similar promise already... and it's tied to that decision.
I honestly don't know.

Are you really Irish?

'Cause I've heard "The Irish Endure, Come Famine, War, Poetry, or Drink, But the Irish Endure".

I asked an Irish friend what it means, and he said "It means suicide is for Welshmen."

I'm originally from Germany, I live in Ireland.

I'm originally from Germany, I live in Ireland.

Oh, shit, then. That's rough.

"The tits of mother hope have run dry", then?

Sorry, Braincandy is one of my favorite films, and in the opening scene, a melancholy German is struggling with a bad therapist...

No, you can't win. But you can lose - big time.


Only if you admit defeat.

If you lose at life, its only becuase you stopped trying.
Nobody "wins".
Nobody is ever truly happy.
All you get, are the cards dealt to you, and you make the best hand, with what you have.

Its all a game.
You either choose to play it, or dont.
Thats it.

Never let anyone else make you feel like shit.
Fuck that.
Is anything more important, than feeling at ease with your own self?
If you cant at least be ok with who you are, you can never be ok with anyone else.


Most importantly...

Stop whining.

Why sit around, asking if life has any meaning, or worth living?
The only meaning anyones life will ever have, is that wich they give it.
No one can do it for you, and the answer isnt going to be found on any web page.

Choose to live, and fight another day....

Or dont.

I'm tired of fighting, and I'm tired of being scared. It's his decision, and I'll wait for it. And I'll decide what I'll do then.

if life was p2p i wouldnt bother:upyours:

Cabra, free up all your assets, store the shit you can't/won't rid yourself of, and start moving in a random direction. Make it a rule never to go back, or stop at any one place for more than a week.

Eventually you'll start having so many things to deal with, that you simply won't have time for personal problems - and after a while like that, you'll start enjoying yourself.

It takes some serious desperation & balls to do it, but I promise it'll work, unless you suffer some severe mental illness.. And even then, it's likely to work.

Don't get stuck in a rut honey.

I don't agree, in my experience suicide is more difficult than dealing with whatever issues you have.

I wasn't saying that suicide is the answer. I'm just saying that people who actually want to live tend not to commit suicide properly.

I haven't read all of this thread and can't be bothered starting now, so Cabra, would you mind summing up you're feelings towards your life?

Cabra, free up all your assets, store the shit you can't/won't rid yourself of, and start moving in a random direction. Make it a rule never to go back, or stop at any one place for more than a week.

Eventually you'll start having so many things to deal with, that you simply won't have time for personal problems - and after a while like that, you'll start enjoying yourself.

It takes some serious desperation & balls to do it, but I promise it'll work, unless you suffer some severe mental illness.. And even then, it's likely to work.

Don't get stuck in a rut honey.

TSW, if I could take my cat with me, I think I'd do just that right now....
It's some pretty good advice. Maybe what I'll do is follow it, though not to the letter. Maybe it's time for a new job...

I’m naturally hard wired by nature to strive to survive. Yet for some reason nature has decided to play with our heads and toss in this whole depression angle. Do squirrels get depressed? Not sure about that. I know that house cats eventually lose interest in playing with strings and sleep a lot, but is that really depression. Not really, predators are hard wired differently and need more sleep than omnivores or herbivores. Personally, I rarely get depressed. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I am where I am doing what I’m doing, but if I don’t have an alternative plan the feeling quickly passes.

One thing I know is that no matter how bad I think I’ve got it there are probably a few billion people who’d kill to have the opportunities and three square meals that I have. Whenever you see someone who’s lost their legs, are mentally handicapped, or living in the gutter, you should be damned glad of what you have (assuming of course you’re not in the gutter, shivering while typing your message on a laptop you salvaged from the trash). I think that one of the greatest failings of modern times is accepting what you have and moving on if you can’t do anything about it.

I haven't read all of this thread and can't be bothered starting now, so Cabra, would you mind summing up you're feelings towards your life?

*lol
In one post?
Still slight uncertainty, but positive again. I just had a short chat with him, and from what I understood, he's made the right decision. I may have misunderstood, though, so I'm still cautious.

But I think I never felt more relieved in my life.... nor more hungry. I'll go and cook some nice dinner. :D

*lol
In one post?
Still slight uncertainty, but positive again. I just had a short chat with him, and from what I understood, he's made the right decision. I may have misunderstood, though, so I'm still cautious.

But I think I never felt more relieved in my life.... nor more hungry. I'll go and cook some nice dinner. :D
*whew* That's good to hear.

I wasn't saying that suicide is the answer. I'm just saying that people who actually want to live tend not to commit suicide properly.Oh, I know. I was just saying that suicide is difficult, mostly for that reason, and anyone who can find the strength to commit suicide can find the strength to deal with whatever it is they need to deal with. It is not the easy way out.

*lol
In one post?
Still slight uncertainty, but positive again. I just had a short chat with him, and from what I understood, he's made the right decision. I may have misunderstood, though, so I'm still cautious.

But I think I never felt more relieved in my life.... nor more hungry. I'll go and cook some nice dinner. :D


Right. I didn't understand very much of that. And since you're going to make dinner, I'll just pretend I didn't ask.;)

Oh, I know. I was just saying that suicide is difficult, mostly for that reason, and anyone who can find the strength to commit suicide can find the strength to deal with whatever it is they need to deal with. It is not the easy way out.

That makes the assumption that the person is committing suicide due to problems, like depression, stress, etc. Which is frequently the case, but there are rare people who do it for reasons other than life problems who find it rather easy.

That makes the assumption that the person is committing suicide due to problems, like depression, stress, etc. Which is frequently the case, but there are rare people who do it for reasons other than life problems who find it rather easy.I suppose this is sometimes the case, such as Michael Hutchence, who did it while under the influence of drugs.

I suppose this is sometimes the case, such as Michael Hutchence, who did it while under the influence of drugs.

Suicide bombers, people who just want to go out with a bang, people who just find life irritating, etc...

I’m naturally hard wired by nature to strive to survive. Yet for some reason nature has decided to play with our heads and toss in this whole depression angle. Do squirrels get depressed? Not sure about that. I know that house cats eventually lose interest in playing with strings and sleep a lot, but is that really depression. Not really, predators are hard wired differently and need more sleep than omnivores or herbivores. Personally, I rarely get depressed. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I am where I am doing what I’m doing, but if I don’t have an alternative plan the feeling quickly passes.

One thing I know is that no matter how bad I think I’ve got it there are probably a few billion people who’d kill to have the opportunities and three square meals that I have. Whenever you see someone who’s lost their legs, are mentally handicapped, or living in the gutter, you should be damned glad of what you have (assuming of course you’re not in the gutter, shivering while typing your message on a laptop you salvaged from the trash). I think that one of the greatest failings of modern times is accepting what you have and moving on if you can’t do anything about it.

I think one great misunderstanding of modern times is to link material wealth and physical health to depression.
People don't get depressed because they are poor, and people aren't happy because they are rich. People aren't depressed if they are sick, they feel bad, and they are not happy if they are health, they just feel grateful when they remember.
What makes people depressed is stress, any form of emotional stress or trauma can, if persistent over a longer period of time, eventually lead to depression. In my case, it's an emotional trauma commonly labelled as "childhood in a disfunctional family with an abusive father".
Depressions can be temporary (lasting a few months) or permanent, flaring up again and again in times of emotional stress. Me, I know the abyss will be only one step away at the best of times, most likely for the rest of my life. It sometimes takes an enormous effort to avoid disaster, and it inflicts stress on those close to me I'm sorry Wolf .
I'm not on medication, and I have been in therapy a number of times, with no result at all. Might have to do something with the fact that I don't particularly trust doctors.

A fit of depression like the past few days in a physical and emotional strain that is very hard to describe. It includes migraines, stomach cramps, blood sugar and circulation going haywire, respiratory problems and occasionally fever on the physical side, fits of crying (including screaming from mental pain), despair, angst and panic attacks on the emotional side. It can lead to self-inflicted injuries.

Depression and being depressed are two very seperate issues... People are depressed for a reason. To suffer from depression is actually a mental illness.

Oh, I know. I was just saying that suicide is difficult, mostly for that reason, and anyone who can find the strength to commit suicide can find the strength to deal with whatever it is they need to deal with. It is not the easy way out.

Objectively, it's the most selfish way out.
It's not an easy way, far from it, although it would appear like that to people who have lost a loved one to suicide.

Objectively, it's the most selfish way out.
It's not an easy way, far from it, although it would appear like that to people who have lost a loved one to suicide.I can agree with both of those statements.

*whew* That's good to hear.

Thank you for having been here today. :fluffle:

Is that offer for the onsen still up? I'm seriously considering a vacation now... is Japan very expensive?

I have friends of mine who do get depressed and it’s sometimes work to keep them going when they get down in the dumps, but then that’s what friends do. I’m very thankful that I don’t get headaches (apparently I’m one of the lucky 3% or something that don’t get them). I can still get a headache from heatstroke, fever, or extreme dehydration but that’s about it. I marvel at what some people have to fight through every day, in terms of their chronic health problems, and can’t say whether I’d be willing to do the same.

I completely agree that there is a fallacy of equating wealth with happiness. It’s a formula that has been sold to us with a well-managed marketing team. It’s also a lie. You meet people from the 3rd World who have such simple lives and they have nothing, but still seem very happy just to be alive and experiencing the world around them. Then you see a bunch of rich whiners, who no matter how much money they have can’t seem to have anything make them happy. Personally, I think the biggest determining factor in happiness is Sincerity. Sincerity is hard to come by if you’re ruled by greed and lies. But Sincerity is one of the greatest human traits to strive for to become a better person.

The Bruce

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?

What else is there to do?

Because it means I won't be some lame-ass wank-festival who can't find anything else to do but bitch and moan. Well, that and really good beer.

Having found one (or rather, that person having found and completely changed me), and then helplessly watching how it might all get dismanteled again is even worse, to be honest.
I've never gone through what you are going through because I'm young. But many people have gone through total misery, broken love, and depression and survived - and been glad that they survived. You can do it too!

I probably can be of no help, but if you ever want to talk, just telegram me.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10521932&postcount=78
In fact the question implies that a choice is being made and the answer simply reafirms that. No reason is specified other than the implicit blind lumbering hulk that Neo represents.


The freedom that encompases the ability to choose, to create one's own purpose, is reason enough. Ideological concepts (truth, love, happiness, sadness, etc) exist only when the individual chooses them. Edit: To believe that such concepts are external to and forced upon the individual is to deny one's freedom.

Thank you for having been here today. :fluffle:
You're welcome. I've been down that road before and I know how much having someone to help you means when you're there. :)

Is that offer for the onsen still up? I'm seriously considering a vacation now... is Japan very expensive?
Always. The flight's a bit pricy, but once you're here I can show ya how to live on the cheap. ;)

Always. The flight's a bit pricy, but once you're here I can show ya how to live on the cheap. ;)

Really pricey... wow. Lowest I can find is 900 Euros. But hey, saving up for a vacation IS a goal that'll do just nicely for the moment ;)

Really pricey... wow. Lowest I can find is 900 Euros. But hey, saving up for a vacation IS a goal that'll do just nicely for the moment ;)


Where are you going? Switzerland?

Where are you going? Switzerland?

*lol

Japan. Nervun promissed me to take me to a great onsen if I ever was in Japan, and I just might take his offer :)

Because there are known unknowns and unknown unknowns. And nothing scares folk more than unknown unknowns, while known unknowns just make us giggle.

*lol

Japan. Nervun promissed me to take me to a great onsen if I ever was in Japan, and I just might take his offer :)
Welp, if you're heading over, just let me know and also let me know about how much you can take (in the hot water department).

Seriously... I honestly don't know. Why do I bother? Why does anybody?
Sex. It makes life worth it.

Even if you're not getting some, masturbation's still reason enough to bother with life.

Welp, if you're heading over, just let me know and also let me know about how much you can take (in the hot water department).

After, you can go to the StarBox in Kokobuncho...

i really do hope things sort themselves out for you - you deserve to be happy :fluffle:

Hell, no he doesn't!;)

After, you can go to the StarBox in Kokobuncho...
Oh heck no, I'd take her to Red Coffee in Matsumoto Chuuoo 1 or Marumo in Matsumoto Chuuoo 3. They're MUCH better. ;)

Why should I fucking bother with life? My desires and beliefs are completely incompatible with the world around me. I'm having surgery in the next week or two, and if something happens during that (or before) and I die, then great. I was born in the wrong damn place in the wrong damn era anyway!

I need something to entertain myself with, don't I?

Because there's nothing else to do... And the shiny things... Can't forget the shiny things....

Oh heck no, I'd take her to Red Coffee in Matsumoto Chuuoo 1 or Marumo in Matsumoto Chuuoo 3. They're MUCH better. ;)

Red Coffee really sells coffee?

Unfortunately, God can't stand to be touched. That's why He locked himself in his office with the collected works of R.A. Salvatore, opening the door only to exchange jars of his urine for jars of Yoohoo (tm) chocolate drink.It's a metaphor from a poem. You can look it up if you like. ;)

Red Coffee really sells coffee?
Yup, yup, yup. Really good coffee too. They're also one of the few places I can find Dr. Pepper and they make delicious tacos... er... with hot dogs inside of them, but very good ones anyway.

Yup, yup, yup. Really good coffee too. They're also one of the few places I can find Dr. Pepper and they make delicious tacos... er... with hot dogs inside of them, but very good ones anyway.

Sorry, I don't drink coffee. But the tacos sound nice. :D

Why do Ibother ith life? I've got nothing better to do.

Yup, yup, yup. Really good coffee too. They're also one of the few places I can find Dr. Pepper and they make delicious tacos... er... with hot dogs inside of them, but very good ones anyway.You're scary..

Why should I fucking bother with life? My desires and beliefs are completely incompatible with the world around me. I'm having surgery in the next week or two, and if something happens during that (or before) and I die, then great. I was born in the wrong damn place in the wrong damn era anyway!
I have a suggestion. Bash your head against the sidewalk a couple of times. Then, if you're dead, hey great for you. But if you'renot, you'll be a vegetable, so hey great for you. And after you die, peace will break out, Earth will be visited by pacifistic alien who give free technology, and I can finally enact my plan to take over the world. Oh, wait.

You're scary..
What? I'm just reporting on the joys of foreign food in Japan and Japanese ideas conserning them.