NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, most of you have already heard me bitching about it. My wife left me. So.......... I'm curious about what you singles do to meet new people.

I'm not really ready to look yet, but I figure it might make me feel better knowing the options are out there, so maybe I can eat, or sleep.

You had a wife. You don't remember how? :p

Stalk them.


A restraining order just means "I love you".

You had a wife. You don't remember how? :p
She found me. :(

sorry to hear about you and your wife :(

personally i always thought going to bars or clubs to pick up women was a kinda sleasy thing to do - like you don't know anything about the girl and all you're basing your approach to them on is physical appearance, and there's so much to a person than that (obviously)
great if you want a quick shag with some hot tottie, but for anything more i fail to see how it works (unless you happen to be very lucky).
it also struck me as a very strange mix of flattering and insulting because of this - ie. if a girl came up to me in a bar based soley on my looks... flattering but yet just kinda weird. and then bars and clubs tend to have the music so loud you can do little more than drink, sit, or "dance" (fucking dancing... don't get me started), so there's no real chance to actually talk.

bah, my little rant agianst popular singles-mingling places that are pubs and clubs, i can offer little advice... sorry

sorry to hear about you and your wife :(

personally i always thought going to bars or clubs to pick up women was a kinda sleasy thing to do - like you don't know anything about the girl and all you're basing your approach to them on is physical appearance, and there's so much to a person than that (obviously)
great if you want a quick shag with some hot tottie, but for anything more i fail to see how it works (unless you happen to be very lucky).
it also struck me as a very strange mix of flattering and insulting because of this - ie. if a girl came up to me in a bar based soley on my looks... flattering but yet just kinda weird. and then bars and clubs tend to have the music so loud you can do little more than drink, sit, or "dance" (fucking dancing... don't get me started), so there's no real chance to actually talk.

bah, my little rant agianst popular singles-mingling places that are pubs and clubs, i can offer little advice... sorry
You just mirrored my thoughts exactly. That's why I'm asking! :D

:upyours: ------->Dance Clubs

What are your hobby's/interests?

sorry to hear about you and your wife :(

personally i always thought going to bars or clubs to pick up women was a kinda sleasy thing to do - like you don't know anything about the girl and all you're basing your approach to them on is physical appearance, and there's so much to a person than that (obviously)
great if you want a quick shag with some hot tottie, but for anything more i fail to see how it works (unless you happen to be very lucky).
it also struck me as a very strange mix of flattering and insulting because of this - ie. if a girl came up to me in a bar based soley on my looks... flattering but yet just kinda weird. and then bars and clubs tend to have the music so loud you can do little more than drink, sit, or "dance" (fucking dancing... don't get me started), so there's no real chance to actually talk.

bah, my little rant agianst popular singles-mingling places that are pubs and clubs, i can offer little advice... sorry

PM, I think you are not actually "you", and are in fact me. I must have been somehow split in two mentally and the other half of my brain sent to England.

I agree completely. I'm at a total loss myself. Problem being that once women know me they are apparently no longer interested. Oh well.

I think internet dating is a great idea. You get the chance to get to 'know' each other before you even meet, see if there's any common ground, how well you can hold a discussion, even exchange photos to make sure there's a chance of attraction when you do meet in person. There's still a bit of a stigma attached to it, but I fail to see why; you have a lot more to base a relationship on than screaming across a dance floor in some random club.

Very sorry to hear about your break-up, MiB :( Take good care of yourself.

I think internet dating is a great idea. You get the chance to get to 'know' each other before you even meet, see if there's any common ground, how well you can hold a discussion, even exchange photos to make sure there's a chance of attraction when you do meet in person. There's still a bit of a stigma attached to it, but I fail to see why; you have a lot more to base a relationship on than screaming across a dance floor in some random club.

I would generally agree, however I think the stigma rests upon some of the people who resort to those websites (or whatever)...I think many people only use it as a last resort, unfortunate as it may be.

PM, I think you are not actually "you", and are in fact me. I must have been somehow split in two mentally and the other half of my brain sent to England.
.
lol! :p
i think we're clones :eek: :P


I agree completely. I'm at a total loss myself. Problem being that once women know me they are apparently no longer interested. Oh well
bah, i say there's hope for you yet! if there was hope for me, there definatley is for you! :D

"never give up, never surrender" :cool:


You just mirrored my thoughts exactly. That's why I'm asking! :D

:upyours: ------->Dance Clubs
:upyours: indeed!

"never give up, never surrender" :cool:

Galaxy Quest?

lol! :p
i think we're clones :eek: :P

Products of some hippy-commie conspiracy to take over the world, perhaps? :p

bah, i say there's hope for you yet! if there was hope for me, there definatley is for you! :D

"never give up, never surrender" :cool:

Well, of course there's hope, i'm not defeatist or "emo" enough to do the whole "boo hoo i'll never meet anyone" routine. :p It is however incredibly frustrating at the best of times.

Try going to a local internet chat room and talking to people there.

I would generally agree, however I think the stigma rests upon some of the people who resort to those websites (or whatever)...I think many people only use it as a last resort, unfortunate as it may be.
i agree with Kazcaper. that may be the image now, but i think in the not-too-distant future we'll see internet dating as a viable and accepted dating method... thing...

Get drunk and fall on them with your mouth open. :P

I'm curious about what you singles do to meet new people.Personally, I can't really imagine randomly picking up people in bars or something. For me, I always got to know potential dates in environments where you have regular contact and get to know each other first on a different basis: school, university, work, circle of friends... So maybe some kind of "extracurricular activity" would be a good place to get to know (and hopefully more) new people - like, I don't know, taking Spanish classes, joining a sports club, volunteering somewhere etc.
It's also "two birds with one stone", seeing how it'll help to get you out of moping around in the house by yourself.
Basically: Get yourself out there, don't be too obviously desperate, and you should be fine.


I think internet dating is a great idea. You get the chance to get to 'know' each other before you even meet, see if there's any common ground, how well you can hold a discussion, even exchange photos to make sure there's a chance of attraction when you do meet in person.
Hm, as hard as it is to argue against internet dating, what with PM and Glitziness around as the proof of the pudding, I'm very skeptical towards it.
I once met a guy through the internet (not on some kind of dating or chat site, but through a completely coincidental string of events) and we hit it off right away. Talked on the phone just a couple days later, and still everything was great. We met up a while later, and the very second I saw him, it was just completely obvious that there was no "sexual" attraction whatsoever. Not because he wasn't good-looking or anything, there was just no "click", nothing. Same for him, btw. We literally looked at each other and knew. We got along well enough, but it was obvious from that first second that this wasn't going to be a "date". Which was quite a letdown, believe me.
Seeing how, had we first met in real life, we never even would have pursued anything further, in retrospect the whole thing seemed like a huge waste of time. And now, I would be rather scared to do it again, and maybe make a much bigger emotional investment into someone who then turned out to just not be "it" after all - and not because he's lying to me about himself, but just because we are who we are.
We hadn't exchanged photos, though, so you may have a point there. Though I'm not completely sure that would have changed anything - seeing s.o. in real life is kind of different than on a pic, just think of all the things like body language, voice, laughter, etc.


I agree completely. I'm at a total loss myself. Problem being that once women know me they are apparently no longer interested. Oh well.Well, feel free to ignore me, but honestly - unless you're really, really different and asshole-y in real life, which I really, really can't imagine, I'd say they just weren't "the right ones" anyway and it's their loss completely.
Not that that makes anything better, but still.

Well, feel free to ignore me, but honestly - unless you're really, really different and asshole-y in real life, which I really, really can't imagine, I'd say they just weren't "the right ones" anyway and it's their loss completely.
Not that that makes anything better, but still.

Nah, i'm exactly the same in RL (well, maybe a bit quieter) and a couple of NSers can testify to that :p And I guess you're right, but on the other hand, being attracted to someone when they see you as just a friend is like walking on thin ice. I've wrecked a couple of friendships in that way.

Hm, as hard as it is to argue against internet dating, what with PM and Glitziness around as the proof of the pudding, I'm very skeptical towards it.
I once met a guy through the internet (not on some kind of dating or chat site, but through a completely coincidental string of events) and we hit it off right away. Talked on the phone just a couple days later, and still everything was great. We met up a while later, and the very second I saw him, it was just completely obvious that there was no "sexual" attraction whatsoever. Not because he wasn't good-looking or anything, there was just no "click", nothing. Same for him, btw. We literally looked at each other and knew. We got along well enough, but it was obvious from that first second that this wasn't going to be a "date". Which was quite a letdown, believe me.
Seeing how, had we first met in real life, we never even would have pursued anything further, in retrospect the whole thing seemed like a huge waste of time. And now, I would be rather scared to do it again, and maybe make a much bigger emotional investment into someone who then turned out to just not be "it" after all - and not because he's lying to me about himself, but just because we are who we are.
We hadn't exchanged photos, though, so you may have a point there. Though I'm not completely sure that would have changed anything - seeing s.o. in real life is kind of different than on a pic, just think of all the things like body language, voice, laughter, etc.


i agree that that's definatley an issue, and is one of the things that made meeting Glitz on valentine's day so nervewracking - what if we didn't click? a huge emotional investment would pour down the drain much like you described. thankfully we did click and i think she's gorgeous, so thats ok :D
but to be fair, thats one negative 'review' (for want of a better word) of internet dating. one bad date. its not like in "normal" dating you don't get bad dates either - dates where you may be attracted to them and 'click' physically, but have nothing in common, or find you just can't stand their personality for example.
through 'normal dating' like that, isn't it usual - or at least not unusual - for one to have a fair number of shitty dates like that? if so, one bad date (or a non-date, or whatever you want to call it) from internet dating really isn't so bad and you shouldn't decry the whole concept based on that. i guess (i'm not sure)
though i suppose with a bad date through normal channels, you can blame it on them: their terrible personality, their bad manners, their lack of having anything in common with you (for example)... but with internet dating, because you most likely know you get on and 'click' personality-wize, the blame for the bad date has to shift onto the self because its you not finding them attractive.

i may be babbling now, so i'll shut up, but i do at least have some experience here so i'm not totally talking out my ass. thankfully (very thankfully!) my own experince here went rather well *grins* :P

Products of some hippy-commie conspiracy to take over the world, perhaps? :p
:eek: now i'm scared :p

*snip*Yeah, I totally understand that. Another downside is that the internet allows you to be whoever you want to be, without the other party having any idea of the reality until they meet you.

I once met a guy online that I got on exceptionally well with, and when we did meet for real, we did 'click', but there's was one big issue - online, in response to a leukemia scare a friend of mine had had (luckily it didn't amount to anything), he told me he had cancer. God, the worry and horror that goes with something like that, especially when it got 'worse' throughout our time together. To cut it short, we split up for other reasons, but I rang his house to see how he was getting on afterwards, only to find out he'd never had anything more than a cold in his life!!!

The flip side is my current boyfriend. We met online, through a dating site, nearly four years ago, and I don't really have any shame in admitting it. Even when corresponding with him, I knew that if no romance ever came of it, I'd have a friend which is never a bad thing (from the same site, I met another guy to whom I was not in the least attracted, but we got on very well and are still friends). Anyway, when we did meet in person (three years ago in April), the attraction was instant and undeniable. We're about to move in together and have talked about possibly getting married some time in the future. So it can work :D

In short, it has its pros and its cons, like every way of meeting people. You've just got to take it as it comes.

PM - You're completely right that one experience shouldn't be used as the basis on which to judge the whole thing - so I guess the jury is still out, both for the pro and the con. :D

This is especially true, I guess, and I should probably keep that in mind when comparing RL to the interwebs: its not like in "normal" dating you don't get bad dates either - dates where you may be attracted to them and 'click' physically, but have nothing in common, or find you just can't stand their personality for example."
Although, personally, I have to say that I've hardly ever had a "bad date" really. But that's just because we don't really have that classical American (and mabye British, too) dating thing here. For me, it was always a lot more relaxed, and relationships kind of developed naturally out of an existing friendship/acquaintance.


And I guess you're right, but on the other hand, being attracted to someone when they see you as just a friend is like walking on thin ice. I've wrecked a couple of friendships in that way. Yeah, I can see how that would suck. No miraculous advice coming to mind, either. :(

To cut it short, we split up for other reasons, but I rang his house to see how he was getting on afterwards, only to find out he'd never had anything more than a cold in his life!!!
:eek: Whaaa? Holy crap, that's bad!

As for you & your future hubby: Awww! :)

So, yeah, I guess it is just like any other way of meeting people - hit and miss.

Yeah, I can see how that would suck. No miraculous advice coming to mind, either. :(

Hence why i've decided to give up bothering with it all and instead take my mind off it by focusing on other things.

PM - You're completely right that one experience shouldn't be used as the basis on which to judge the whole thing - so I guess the jury is still out, both for the pro and the con. :D


absolutley - jury is still out cos its a relatively new phenomenon. as with anything, it has its plus and negative points :)


This is especially true, I guess, and I should probably keep that in mind when comparing RL to the interwebs:
Although, personally, I have to say that I've hardly ever had a "bad date" really. But that's just because we don't really have that classical American (and mabye British, too) dating thing here. For me, it was always a lot more relaxed, and relationships kind of developed naturally out of an existing friendship/acquaintance.

you're asking the wrong person here :p
i was going mostly on the stereotypical view of 'the date' - probably an americanised view, yeah... the people i know who've been in relationships have all developed them from friendships and not gone for that specific "date" thing. was how amy and myself got together too *nods* (just... over the internet :P )

Hence why i've decided to give up bothering with it all and instead take my mind off it by focusing on other things.
*applauds... and tentatively fluffles (for mood-uplifting purposes only!):fluffle:*

Now I know why I post on this site... the people here actually have brains... my RL friends are all about the bar scene, but won't admit that they are all so sad. I'm still with a girl from college so thankfully I don't have to test the waters, but I have met a lot of people through work, my adult club lacrosse team, church, and through parties my friends throw. It's all about using your extended social network to meet people (even if that means online- its just another extension which, I believe, is becoming more accepted with each day that goes by- my roommate spends hours on e-harmony every night). I completely agree with PM, bars, or pubs, just get you drunk girls who might hope you have potential cause you dress nice (or just want to get laid)- and since I don't (dress to impress) my experiences havn't been too great. As for clubs, I avoid them at all costs.

Pubs are for drinking, clubs for dancing/having a siezure, and to find a decent girl you have to use every other resource at your fingertips (sometimes literally)... this is a little bias, but I guess if I wanted to "meet" my girl again, I would have to get into a Big brother program and hope I ran into her while picking the kid up from school...

Good luck and I might just add- my parent's marraige didn't work out, but they've both found someone else (who is much better for them), so keep your head up and do what's best for you.

It's all about using your extended social network to meet people (even if that means online- its just another extension which, I believe, is becoming more accepted with each day that goes by- my roommate spends hours on e-harmony every night).
mm i spend many hours most nights talking with amy over msn :)
i agree that online relationships are becoming more widely accepted - as is internet dating - largely because its moving out of the realms of the supernerdy as more and more people use the net. it becomes just a communications tool much as once people forged relationships or "courted" (back in teh olde days) with penpals and love letters and the like, the internet is just a modern version of that - a tool to communicate in a long-distance relationship. it isn't nerdy or to be looked down upon in the slightest imho, and more people are seeing that which is great :)


I completely agree with PM, bars, or pubs, just get you drunk girls who might hope you have potential cause you dress nice (or just want to get laid)- and since I don't (dress to impress) my experiences havn't been too great. As for clubs, I avoid them at all costs.

well it does depend on what you want. if you want nothing more than a fuck then talking, personality and having things in common really aren't going to be important to you, and a club (or pub) is gonna be a good place to meet like-minded drunk people. your friends then might be perfectly happy with this, having their needs for the moment fulfilled. when they want a decent relationship then those things become important and pubs/clubs become pretty much useless.
thats the reason why i've never been particularly interested in "going out on the pull" myself (or dressing to impress and all that toss... *cough* (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9876993&postcount=59)) - i've always been after more of a relationship than a fuck-buddy or a one-night-stand or whatever. if you do manage to get a relationship out of a bar scenario then thats great - its not impossible of course - buti suppose thats not what its designed to do (i think the fact that you can't actually have a conversation in a club or most pubs exonerates that perfectly)

*applauds... and tentatively fluffles (for mood-uplifting purposes only!):fluffle:*

Hehe. :fluffle: