NationStates Jolt Archive

I recently have undertaken a quest.
A quest to find the worst movie of all time, and watch it.

Now, Ive been a movie fan all my life, and a BAD movie fan for a decade or so. Ive seen Manos, and Plan 9, most of the classically bad films, like the ones that were played on MST3K.
However, there are so many more horrible films to be watched, and enjoyed.

For all I know, I may have already seen it, but I must search far and wide to achieve a true cheesy nirvana.

This is where you can help.

Recommend some very bad films for me to watch.
I dont mean "Titanic" bad..I mean low-budget, cheesy monster, plastic mask wearing crapfest.

Horror movies are always good for cheese, becuase so many of the worst films available were shitty B horror flicks from the 60's and 70's.

Whatta ya got for me?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162876/

You shall not be dissapointed! :)

Here could be some candidates.

Uwe Boll on Imdb (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162876/

You shall not be dissapointed! :)


Barn of the Blood Llama...

and Clive Barker is in it!

Here could be some candidates.

Uwe Boll on Imdb (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/)


As bad as everything Uwe has done.....his crap isnt the worst, or the kind of thing Im looking for.
At least Uwe had more than ten dollars for special effects.

Mr Hunk

Dr Moreau's Island

Cabin Fever


I should sue the film makers for the waste of hours of my life.

Mr Hunk

Dr Moreau's Island

Cabin Fever


I should sue the film makers for the waste of hours of my life.

Cabin Fever sucked.
Bad.

By Dr. Moreau's Island, you mean "The Island of Dr. Moreau", (The one with Val Kilmer and Brando)....yeah...that sucked too.

It may not be a horror movie (or even a movie...) but the Star Wars Christmas Special is so mindshatteringly terrible that it must be seen to be believed.

Yah..Ive seen that one....

So was "The Ewok Adventure".

Bad Lucas!
No donut!

Cabin Fever sucked.
Bad.

Abso-bloody-lutely.


By Dr. Moreau's Island, you mean "The Island of Dr. Moreau", (The one with Val Kilmer and Brando)....yeah...that sucked too.

That's the one. Shame on Brando for being in it.


When they mentioned all his acting credentials when he died, I don't think they mentioned this one....the only 'highlight' I can think of was when Brando got set upon by those munchkins or whatever they were.

As for Kilmer....I expected nothing....his performance in the other wise good film Heat was bloody dismal, and another film in the bad to absolute godawful bollocks category that should be mentioned also 'stars' him, The Saint.

Chicken Park (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167825/) is very bad.

It's supposed to be a parody on Jurassic Park but it's not funny, it's just... bad.

Here's a comment from Imdb:

The worst movie ever made, BAR NONE. It even makes 2001 A Space Travesty look good. Words cant describe how bad this movie is! I have considered buying it from the video store i work in, just so i can do a sacrificial burning of it!!!!!!!

]As for Kilmer....I expected nothing....his performance in the other wise good film Heat was bloody dismal, and another film in the bad to absolute godawful bollocks category that should be mentioned also 'stars' him, The Saint.


Thats the thing about Val.
One minute he'll do a film like "The Saint", mich was meh, and then a bad one, like "Moreau", and then a really good one, like Tombstone.

You just never know.

Salton Sea was pretty good.
Thats the last good Kilmer movie I can remember.

You most likely know it already, but still:

The Ice Pirates (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087451/)

So bad, it's funny.

Begotten (http://imdb.com/title/tt0101420/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9YmVnb3R0ZW58ZnQ9MXxteD0yMHxsbT01MDB8Y289MXxodG1sPTF8bm09 MQ__;fc=1;ft=21)
It's not so much bad as like Icey Hot-you want to convince others to put a bunch on to see thier reaction...

Yah..Ive seen that one....

So was "The Ewok Adventure".

Bad Lucas!
No donut!

Hahaha :p

Chicken Park (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167825/) is very bad.

It's supposed to be a parody on Jurassic Park but it's not funny, it's just... bad.

Here's a comment from Imdb:

The worst movie ever made, BAR NONE. It even makes 2001 A Space Travesty look good. Words cant describe how bad this movie is! I have considered buying it from the video store i work in, just so i can do a sacrificial burning of it!!!!!!!

LOL! I've seen that...it was definitely atrocious. :p

Try this one for all-time cheesy sci-fi flick:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046248/
ROBOT MONSTER.

A robot monster comes to earth to destroy us all. He is really scary.
That is if a man in a gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet scares you.
Also his human-killing machine consists of a pair of TV rabbit ears and a machine listed in the credits as 'The billion bubble making machine'. It really did blow bubbles.

Has such lines as:
"I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"
and
"I'm bossy? You're so bossy you oughta be milked before you come home at night."
as well as
"I will re-calculate. Your deaths will be indescribable."

It also has several great goofs, least of all a hand holding the rocket ship flying to earth can be seen at the start of the movie.

Since you are Backwoods... why not try "Backwoods (1987)". http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0130487/

Its a pretty bad mix of Friday the 19th meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Kentucky hillbillies.

Thats the thing about Val.
One minute he'll do a film like "The Saint", mich was meh, and then a bad one, like "Moreau", and then a really good one, like Tombstone.

You just never know.

Salton Sea was pretty good.
Thats the last good Kilmer movie I can remember.

Yeah. I don't think he's a top actor, but he has had the luck of being in good films and bad.

You most likely know it already, but still:

The Ice Pirates (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087451/)

So bad, it's funny.

Seen it, long ago.

Cant help but laugh at "space herpes".

Frankenstien Conquers the World (http://imdb.com/title/tt0059205/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9ZnJhbmtlbnN0aWVuIGNvbnF1ZXJzIHRoZSB3b3JsZHxmdD0xfG14PTIw fGxtPTUwMHxjbz0xfGh0bWw9MXxubT0x;fc=1;ft=3;fm=1)
I saw it on American Movie Classics, despite it not being American or a classic. Now that they have a british series on there so that it's not American, a movie or a classic the title is more meaningless than MTVs...

Anyway, this movie was supposed to be Frankenstien vs. Godzilla, but even Toho has standards.

You get to see coin operated riding ponies that are usually in front of supermarkets in thier natural enviroment. I'm not going to explain that, you'll just have to see it.

Well here's one I found on IMDB. Haven't seen it, but the title alones surely rates it as one of the worst ever made:
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?
Plot: Jerry falls in love with a stripper he meets at a carnival. Little does he know that she is the sister of a gypsy fortune teller whose predictions he had scoffed at earlier. The gypsy turns him into a zombie and he goes on a killing spree.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057181/


If anyone has seen, please tell me if it was as bad as it appears.

Seen it, long ago.

Cant help but laugh at "space herpes".

Yup. Those robots must be the crummiest I've ever seen. :D

Try this one for all-time cheesy sci-fi flick:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046248/
ROBOT MONSTER.

A robot monster comes to earth to destroy us all. He is really scary.
That is if a man in a gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet scares you.
Also his human-killing machine consists of a pair of TV rabbit ears and a machine listed in the credits as 'The billion bubble making machine'. It really did blow bubbles.

Has such lines as:
"I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"
and
"I'm bossy? You're so bossy you oughta be milked before you come home at night."
as well as
"I will re-calculate. Your deaths will be indescribable."

It also has several great goofs, least of all a hand holding the rocket ship flying to earth can be seen at the start of the movie.

Now THIS is what Im talkin about!

I'll betcha its hard to find.

Now THIS is what Im talkin about!

I'll betcha its hard to find.

Probably because anyone who has seen it on video/DVD etc has burnt their copy in rage.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105643/ <-- Troll 2.

Best lines:"There're sandwiches for tonight! It'll go easier on you if you eat'em. Otherwise, we'll be forced to kill you VIOLENTLY!"

"Nilbog.....thats goblin spelt backwards!" (not so much the line, but the way the kid says it cracked me up :D)

Also...there isnt a single troll in it.

And "Conquest": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085356/

I think they blew the entire special effects budget on a smoke machine.

(And by "entire special effects budget", I mean like £5)

Try this one for all-time cheesy sci-fi flick:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046248/
ROBOT MONSTER.

A robot monster comes to earth to destroy us all. He is really scary.
That is if a man in a gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet scares you.
Also his human-killing machine consists of a pair of TV rabbit ears and a machine listed in the credits as 'The billion bubble making machine'. It really did blow bubbles.

Has such lines as:
"I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!"
and
"I'm bossy? You're so bossy you oughta be milked before you come home at night."
as well as
"I will re-calculate. Your deaths will be indescribable."

It also has several great goofs, least of all a hand holding the rocket ship flying to earth can be seen at the start of the movie.


Update:

I have recently joined Netflix, and this movie is now speeding its way to me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105643/ <-- Troll 2.
But an evening with Troll 2 wouldn't be complete without completing the epic trilogy with Troll 3 AKA Contamination .7 (I think they changed the title right before release).
It also didn't feature any trolls, nor did it have the goblins from 2. Instead, the writers saw this progression:
I. A lone troll in the city
II. A bunch of goblins in a small town
And made the next logical step, being . . .
III. Evil plants in Sticksville.
Makes sense to me.

Can Starship Troopers 2 go on this list? It was the worst I've seen, but still nowhere near as bad as some of this stuff.

I'm sure it's not the absolute worst movie ever, but a fairly recent crap one is Post Impact. A US/German co-production with Lois & Clark's Superman reaching new depths.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362942/

Netflix is sending me the following turds.

1. Robot Monster.

2. The curious Dr. Humpp.
(The two p's makes it curious, ya see.)

3. "Jesse James meets Frankenstiens daughter."
Golden Turkey winner.

4. Burial of Rats, starring Adrienne Barbeau.

5. "Bride of the Monster"
Starring Bela Lugosi, in his final starring role.
Directed by Ed Wood.

Sounds painful, dont it?

Teenage Cat Girls In Heat would be up there. A high percentage of the movies staring Kari Wuher (Beastmaster II excluded, she got to keep the weasels). Moderately attractive, flat out hot once upon a time, and she'll often be naked for extended periods, but the acting is so bad you can't make yourself watch. That's just an achivement.

Then there's movies that are just on my secretly awesome shelf.
Gettin' Lucky. Has a scene of what it supposed to be an inadvertently shrunken guy inadvertantly ummm stimulating a young girl so criptic the USA Network censors never caught on to what the scene was about and I must have been on my third time seeing the movie before I figured it out.

Tammy and The T-Rex. This one is double awesome. A young Paul Walker is murdered because of his special relationship with a young Denise Richards (Tammy). How you ask? The local assholes kidnapp him, rough him up, then drop him off in a public park, where he's promptly eaten by a lion. Naturally a mad scientist takes his brain and puts it in an animatronic T-rex so he can get revenge and win back the girl of his dreams. Who ultimately does a strip tease while pouring a can of beer over his brain, which she decides to keep in a jar in her room.

American Ninja: Bloodhunt. I don't care what anyone says, this is a cinematic achivement.

Ator: The Fighting Eagle. Just a magical experience. Great date movie. You have to see it. If someone tells you about it you won't believe it.

Drum Roll Please

...


...

...

...
Pauly Shore is Dead...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0284674/


and yes, I've ACTUALLY seen it... and have lost that part of my life I will never get back...

Update:

I have recently joined Netflix, and this movie is now speeding its way to me.
Hope you're not disappointed!
Let me know when you've watched if it's everything you hoped it to be.

They showed it at a cinema years ago, and even though I went along stoned I can still remember just how dreadful it was. It was a double-feature, followed by a Russ Meyer movie - and it wasn't even one of Russ' 'good' ones either.



That Netflix seems a good deal. Shame it's not world-wide.

And just to whet your appetite, here's a poster of Robot Monster:
http://www.horror-wood.com/robotmon.jpg

Pretty scary, huh?



Here's what he looked like in the film:
http://www.monstrula.de/filme/robotmonster/still6.jpg
You can see his human-killing machine to the right.
Here's another still of him in action:
http://www.monstrula.de/filme/robotmonster/still8.jpg

And just to whet your appetite, here's a poster of Robot Monster:
http://www.horror-wood.com/robotmon.jpg

Pretty scary, huh?



Here's what he looked like in the film:
http://www.monstrula.de/filme/robotmonster/still6.jpg
You can see his human-killing machine to the right.
Here's another still of him in action:
http://www.monstrula.de/filme/robotmonster/still8.jpg

wow, I fold... that has to be worse than Pauly Shore is Dead... altho something tells me that stoned it would be FIGGIN HILARIOUS

wow, I fold... that has to be worse than Pauly Shore is Dead... altho something tells me that stoned it would be FIGGIN HILARIOUS
It was. Believe me, it was.

Plan 9 from Outer Space is pretty terrible. They literally used pie tins for special effects.

Also, The Killer Shrews which uses dogs in costumes...and bad acting...and a horrible story line... it's just really bad.

Try this (http://imdb.com/title/tt0081766/)
or this (http://imdb.com/title/tt0083067/)


Both just horribly bad movies
But i just have to watch them every couple of months.

Plan 9 from Outer Space is pretty terrible. They literally used pie tins for special effects.

Also, The Killer Shrews which uses dogs in costumes...and bad acting...and a horrible story line... it's just really bad.

Ive seen both of these, and yes, they are spectacularly bad.
However, Plan 9, is actually one of Wood's best films, if you can believe that.
It actually has a plot.

That makes it better than his "Orgy of the Dead", by default.

Try this (http://imdb.com/title/tt0081766/)
or this (http://imdb.com/title/tt0083067/)


Both just horribly bad movies
But i just have to watch them every couple of months.

Shock Treatment is the "sequel" to Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Its as "good" as the first one, and by that, I mean, way worse.

5. "Bride of the Monster"
Starring Bela Lugosi, in his final starring role.
Directed by Ed Wood.

That's the one where he died 1/2 way thru filming, so Wood used Bela's dentist as a stand-in for Bela. Which almost worked, if you ignored the fact that his dentist was about 30yrs younger and 1/2 foot taller than Bela.

Ever seen 'Ed Wood', a film by Tim Burton? Absolute must-see if you like bad movies. It's hilarious - mainly focus's on the making of 'Bride of the Monster'. They gave Bela some classic lines in it.

That's the one where he died 1/2 way thru filming, so Wood used Bela's dentist as a stand-in for Bela. Which almost worked, if you ignored the fact that his dentist was about 30yrs younger and 1/2 foot taller than Bela.

Ever seen 'Ed Wood', a film by Tim Burton? Absolute must-see if you like bad movies. It's hilarious - mainly focus's on the making of 'Bride of the Monster'. They gave Bela some classic lines in it.

Yah, I have seen it.
Thats the one with Johnny Depp as Ed Wood, and George "The Animal" Steele as Tor Johnson, right?

Im looking forward to it!

Don't limit yourself to America. Think of what they must have in Nort Korea. Or Swaziland.

Don't limit yourself to America. Think of what they must have in Nort Korea. Or Swaziland.


I do indeed watch a few foreign films, particularly cheesy martial arts movies.
the most recent one Ive seen is "Ong Bak", wich is probably Thai for "Viscious kick to the neck."

Also, my favorite zombie films (or many of them) are Italian.

I prefer english movies becuase dialog is important to me, and I relate to english better, usually, unless the dubbing is very good.
However, bad dialog can be entertaining as well.

Also, my favorite zombie films (or many of them) are Italian.

Dario Argento?

BS, you seem quite the connoisseur of horror films so I was wondering if you could help track down a film I watched a while ago. I've forgotten the name, but I believe it was directed by Argento, and it had an underwater fight between a zombie and a shark in it.



Also, Doom was fairly bad, a lot worse than a lot of b-movies I have seen. Though probably not the worst. A contender I think (I haven't seen it, but a trailer was on a different crap horror film DVD) would be Ankle Biters (http://imdb.com/title/tt0344843/). It's about midget vampires as far as I can make out.

Dario Argento?

BS, you seem quite the connoisseur of horror films so I was wondering if you could help track down a film I watched a while ago. I've forgotten the name, but I believe it was directed by Argento, and it had an underwater fight between a zombie and a shark in it.

If thats the one Im thinking of, its "Zombie 2", or in America "Zombie".
By Fulci.
One of my favorites.





Also, Doom was fairly bad, a lot worse than a lot of b-movies I have seen. Though probably not the worst. A contender I think (I haven't seen it, but a trailer was on a different crap horror film DVD) would be Ankle Biters (http://imdb.com/title/tt0344843/). It's about midget vampires as far as I can make out.

Ive SEEN that movie, in the video store with my friend.
I was broke, and didnt have a membership at the store, and I BEGGED him to rent it...he wouldnt....

Midget Vampires!

Whats not to love?

dunno if anyone said this yet, but imdb does a 100 worst films so you could check that:

http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom

If thats the one Im thinking of, its "Zombie 2", or in America "Zombie".
By Fulci.
One of my favorites.

Ahh, thank you.



Ive SEEN that movie, in the video store with my friend.
I was broke, and didnt have a membership at the store, and I BEGGED him to rent it...he wouldnt....

Midget Vampires!

Whats not to love?

I saw it in HMV a few months ago, and was thinking of buying it. Until I realised it was being sold for twenty quid (about 35 dollars I think).

Though I love the movie tag line:

Three feet tall! Two inch fangs!

dunno if anyone said this yet, but imdb does a 100 worst films so you could check that:

http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom


Yah, but those are based on votes by posters, like a "worst movie ever" poll here would be, and not necessarily the actual worst movie ever.
If you did such a poll, "Battlefield Earth" might have a shot, and while a stinking pile of crap, its not the worst ever.

Ahh, I found the trailer for it in case you haven't seen it.

http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movies/trailer.html?v_id=274918

Ahh, I found the trailer for it in case you haven't seen it.

http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movies/trailer.html?v_id=274918


Wow.

That looked really bad.

Like "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter", only not as funny.

Yah, but those are based on votes by posters, like a "worst movie ever" poll here would be, and not necessarily the actual worst movie ever.
If you did such a poll, "Battlefield Earth" might have a shot, and while a stinking pile of crap, its not the worst ever.

i was just throwing it out there for a source of reference. not as the definitive worst movie ever

If you don't already frequent it, might I suggest Microcinemascene (http://www.microcinemascene.com/)?

Not only will you see a level of godawful that can only come from 'any yay-hoo with a camera,' but you'll also occasionally run across some fine ultra-independent works. But, you know, mostly fucking horrible.

If you don't already frequent it, might I suggest Microcinemascene (http://www.microcinemascene.com/)?

Not only will you see a level of godawful that can only come from 'any yay-hoo with a camera,' but you'll also occasionally run across some fine ultra-independent works. But, you know, mostly fucking horrible.


Linky no worky.

Get me all excited....

Linky no worky.

Get me all excited....
Damn, it doesn't....hold on a virtual second...
http://www.microcinemascene.com/

That's weird. That link doesn't work either, you have to copy and paste the adress yourself, links don't work, even typing it didn't work, but the copy and paste did. Go figure.

Red Sonya

Atrocious Dialogue, dodgy costumes, crappy action (if you could call it that).

Made Conan look like a masterpiece...

Red Sonya

Atrocious Dialogue, dodgy costumes, crappy action (if you could call it that).

Made Conan look like a masterpiece...


Seen it.


Its actually not that bad.
Its actually not that good either.

Sonya herself is hot.
and Arnie is in it, too.

I sincerly hope you've seen 'Manos': The Hands of Fate.
It is seriously the worst movie I've ever seen. It's stupid, it has a ridicoulous plot, seriously impared actors, and basically everything that can go wrong in a movie production goes wrong. It is kinda funny though.

If you want the "Nnnnnrgh it's so broing and bad kill me now!" kind of movie, then check out Red Zone Cuba(Also known as "Night Train to Mundo Fine") It's so horrible even MST3K can't make it enjoyable.

And this one is a classic:
Free Download! (http://www.awfulvideo.com/doomhouse/)

I sincerly hope you've seen 'Manos': The Hands of Fate.
It is seriously the worst movie I've ever seen. It's stupid, it has a ridicoulous plot, seriously impared actors, and basically everything that can go wrong in a movie production goes wrong. It is kinda funny though.

If you want the "Nnnnnrgh it's so broing and bad kill me now!" kind of movie, then check out Red Zone Cuba(Also known as "Night Train to Mundo Fine") It's so horrible even MST3K can't make it enjoyable.

And this one is a classic:
Free Download! (http://www.awfulvideo.com/doomhouse/)


Yes, I have seen Manos, and by god, its a turd.
I wouldnt say its THE absolute worst, but it cant be far from it.
If I recall correctly, one of the NS Generalites recently recieved permission to make a sequel.

Yah, I have seen it.
Thats the one with Johnny Depp as Ed Wood, and George "The Animal" Steele as Tor Johnson, right?

Im looking forward to it!
That's the one!
great movie.
Some memorable quotes:
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: "I met Bela Lugosi."
Dolores Fuller: "Why, I thought he was dead."
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: "No, he's very much alive. Well, sort of."

Bela Lugosi:"No-one gives a fuck about poor Bela!"

Dolores Fuller:"Well, I see the usual cast of fags, losers, and drug addicts are here" (She could almost be talking about NS'ers)

I have a certain fondness for 'Night of the Lupus' (I think it's called). A 1970's horror movie in which a herd of giant rabbits menace remote ranchers in Texas.

It's not that the special effects were bad, as such, because there weren't really any, other than making the rabbits look six feet tall. It's more that the rabbits were just, well, cute bunnies, and really not that scary, even when chowing down on three inch figurines.

I just watched part of a movie on HBO tonight which fits nicely into this thread:

Snakehead Terror
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371954/
Plot:
A small town, desperate to recover from hard economic times, is under threat when voracious Snakehead fish mutate and survive previous lake chemical poisonings. The fish transform from pests to predators when human growth hormones are dumped into the local lake in the hopes of reviving the local fishing industry. Thriving on the hormones, the Snakehead fish grow to monstrous proportions, devouring everything within reach. Capable of moving and eating on land, they are forced to leave the now barren lake in a desperate search for food - animal, vegetable or human.
The fish were rubber toys the 'actors' had to fight and struggle with.
I didn't know they still made turkeys like this.

I have a certain fondness for 'Night of the Lupus' (I think it's called). A 1970's horror movie in which a herd of giant rabbits menace remote ranchers in Texas.

It's not that the special effects were bad, as such, because there weren't really any, other than making the rabbits look six feet tall. It's more that the rabbits were just, well, cute bunnies, and really not that scary, even when chowing down on three inch figurines.

I have seen that.

Its more boring than anything else, as I recall.
But those were the cutest monsters ever.

worst monster movie ever must be the danish "Reptilicus".

The Confidence Man.
Should any of the persons involved in this movie read this: I hereby insult thee and thy kin!

As for the others: Give it a chance, you will loath it.

But an evening with Troll 2 wouldn't be complete without completing the epic trilogy with Troll 3 AKA Contamination .7 (I think they changed the title right before release).
It also didn't feature any trolls, nor did it have the goblins from 2. Instead, the writers saw this progression:
I. A lone troll in the city
II. A bunch of goblins in a small town
And made the next logical step, being . . .
III. Evil plants in Sticksville.
Makes sense to me.

Oh. My. God. *runs to the video shop* *reconsiders this, and runs to the pound shop*

OK, in the really-shitty-props department:
Gay Niggers from Outer Space
Yes, the title says it all. It is about gay niggers. And they are from outer space to save earth Mankind from the evil forces of womanhood. Wow, but one could consider it funny. (it's in english, but made in Denmark--> does that make things better?)

Absolutely unwatchable would be:
Deep Core
and
O fantasma
That last one (in Portuguese) is the reason why I will never see a Portuguese film, ever again. Damn, it's bad...

Finally, some more arguable pieces of shit:
Big Fish (that movie just completely sucks)
La Vita è Bella (Italian shit from the 1940's)
The Brotherhood III: Young Demons (repeating the exact same storyline again as in I and II, the special effects department decided to take a day off, I guess. Because the special effects are really, really shit)

OK, in the really-shitty-props department:
Gay Niggers from Outer Space
Yes, the title says it all. It is about gay niggers. And they are from outer space to save earth Mankind from the evil forces of womanhood. Wow, but one could consider it funny. (it's in english, but made in Denmark--> does that make things better?)


Best. Movie. Ever.

I think I saw ninja movies mentioned somewhere - you tried the "Ninja Collection"?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0199849/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0199845/ (<--I bought this one purely because of the cover. A ninja using a gun isn't really a very good ninja if you ask me...:p )

Theres more (I have most of them...I'll dig them out in a bit)

Killer Klowns from Outer Space--

one of the Hokiest, cheeziest bad B horror movies ever. I made my husband watch it, and all he could say afterwards was that was two hours of his life he will never get back

oh, and

Carnivore

there is better acting in a bad p0rn movie

EDIT: found some linkies--

http://www.carnivoremovie.com/home.html (Carnivore)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095444/ (Killer Klowns)

The Quest Begins!

Tonight, I recieved, and watched "Robot Monster", in my newly found quest to find and watch the worst movie I can find.

This was close.

To say that this is a "bad film" wouldnt be giving it as much credit as it tuly deserves.
This is a film of epic-ly suck porportions., and shouldnt be given such credit as to siimply be reffered to as a "bad movie"

First, we have the two precocious children frollicking about, and they stumble onto a archealogical dig, being done by some family members (I think).
After a discussion about wether space men exist, we suddenly realize, after some bright flashes and old stock footage of dinosuar films, that our story takes place "in the future".

"Ro-Man", our villian who looks like a penis strapped on a gorilla suit, and then a space helmet with television antennea attached, is sent to Earth to prepare it for an invasion of more space men in gorilla suits.
He manages to wipe out the entire human race....except for 8 people (two of wich we never get to see.)

Ro-Man apparently has to contact his homeworld constantly, via a "telescreen", in some sort of way that reminds me of Mork and Mindy, when Mork would contact Orson.

Or maybe, Snow White, when the Queen consults her mirror.
"Mirror Mirror on the wall, wich film is crappiest of all?"
At any rate, thats the majority of what our villian does, aside from looking stupid, and giving some very bad dialog.
He does, however, strangle a little girl off camera, so thats something.

The ending however, was equally as cheesy as the rest of the film, and was ended with the realization that "it was all a bad dream".

"I was in a sucky movie...and you were there...and you, and so were you!"

This is truly a turd that should only be viewed by B film enthusiasts, and not by anyone seeking to see even a decent movie.

I dont have a rating scale yet, but out of a scale of ten, 1 being a good movie, and 10 being the worst film youve ever seen, I asked two good friends who volunteered to watch to rate it as well.
Incidently, both people have Nationstates of thier own.
The scores where:

From 1 to 10.

Judge #1 :10.

Judge #2 : 9.75

Myself : 8

Rest assured these judges are equally as knowledgable of bad movies as I.

A special thanks, and a "You Bastard!" to Demented Hamsters for recommeding this god-awful pile of crap.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zisou.

My god, what an awful movie!

And Bill Murray looked like he was having as much fun making that movie as you would getting thirty papercuts on your scrotum and then having it dipped in battery acid.

This one (http://www.nftsproductions.com/dtc/trailer_lg.htm) is coming soon, looks...yeah...(from the previously linked microcinemascene)...

There is another one called The Stalking Hand that looks godawful, but it's page has nudity on it so I can't link it here.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zisou.

My god, what an awful movie!

And Bill Murray looked like he was having as much fun making that movie as you would getting thirty papercuts on your scrotum and then having it dipped in battery acid.

Im actually surprised you didnt like that.

I thought Bill Murrays deadpan humor was pretty good, and Willem Defoe's character was way funny.
It was "Life of Brian" or anything, but it certainly wasnt as horrible as you make it.

I guess thats the beauty of film and music, tatses are entirely subjective.

This one (http://www.nftsproductions.com/dtc/trailer_lg.htm) is coming soon, looks...yeah...(from the previously linked microcinemascene)...

There is another one called The Stalking Hand that looks godawful, but it's page has nudity on it so I can't link it here.


Sweet crap, that looked awful.

Reminds me of Low Budget Pictures Inc.
They made such fine classics as "Apopylon The Destroyer".
With such appearances from Teenape.

Those guys are big Troma fans, and they have managed to get thier crappy, but delightful films sold at Best Buy.

Im gonna add "Doomed to Consume" to the list.
If its meant to be tongue-in-cheek, thats one thing...if its meant as a serious zombie film....I may have a contender for "worst ZOMBIE film", if not "worst film, ever".

Here's another possible contender (though I don't think it is the worst):

The Shape of Things to Come Linky! (http://imdb.com/title/tt0079894/) I haven't got round to watching it yet though, so I'm just basing it off some of the imdb reviews.

A special thanks, and a "You Bastard!" to Demented Hamsters for recommeding this god-awful pile of crap.
Thank you thank you thank you. <*takes a big bow*>
"Why, you're nothing but a big bully!"
"Now I will kill you!"

Does it have to be horror?

If so: Might I recommend "Survival Island" - which has Nicholas Brendon (Xander from Buffy) and Jaime Pressly, in it.... and is the very best movie, about teenage kids on an island, being hunted and killed by a pinata... that you are likely to see.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0201844/



If it need not be a horror.... seriously, possibly the VERY worst films I've EVER seen is "Envy" - a movie about the horrible after-effects of the Penis Fairy granting a woman the ability to 'grow one' whenever she wants.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416721/

If it need not be a horror.... seriously, possibly the VERY worst films I've EVER seen is "Envy" - a movie about the horrible after-effects of the Penis Fairy granting a woman the ability to 'grow one' whenever she wants.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416721/

The film opens with Stacy (Regan D'Lyn) and Lydia (Charlotte Mangum) drinking in a redneck bar. The bartender (Tony Simmons)then accosts Stacy. Lydia embarrasses the assailant by criticizing his small package and the girls escape. Outside the bar Stacy attempts to quickly relieve herself and encounters the Penis Fairy (Michael Garrett), a magical drag queen who assists Stacy by granting her a wish of growing a penis whenever she wants one. Along with her new body part she also sprouts a full mustache and tattoos. Lydia, who already has masculine tendencies, gets jealous and desires what used to typically be a male organ of her own. Tragedy results through lack of self acceptance.

It looks like somebody has been reading Freud (sort of)

The film opens with Stacy (Regan D'Lyn) and Lydia (Charlotte Mangum) drinking in a redneck bar. The bartender (Tony Simmons)then accosts Stacy. Lydia embarrasses the assailant by criticizing his small package and the girls escape. Outside the bar Stacy attempts to quickly relieve herself and encounters the Penis Fairy (Michael Garrett), a magical drag queen who assists Stacy by granting her a wish of growing a penis whenever she wants one. Along with her new body part she also sprouts a full mustache and tattoos. Lydia, who already has masculine tendencies, gets jealous and desires what used to typically be a male organ of her own. Tragedy results through lack of self acceptance.

It looks like somebody has been reading Freud (sort of)

Believe me... it's bad. They 'pretend' to walk, in front of scrolling backgrounds, the makeup 'effects' are terrible, I've seen MUCH better acted school plays, the script is a nightmare, the production values are terrible... I mean, the budget must have been pocket money...

Thank you thank you thank you. <*takes a big bow*>
"Why, you're nothing but a big bully!"
"Now I will kill you!"

Yah, I loved the fact that this amazing scientist invents an antibiotic, that cures every illness, just HAPPENS to have the added bonus of making everyone who takes it, immune to the "Calcifier" death-ray.

..wich happens to be a bubble machine with a tape player on it.

Does it have to be horror?

Thats a question Im pondering right now.
Theres so many movies out there, that if I include all genres, I may never find an end to this path of Gouda, I have chosen.

If I stay within the Horror/suspense thriller genre, it may make this easier.

f so: Might I recommend "Survival Island" - which has Nicholas Brendon (Xander from Buffy) and Jaime Pressly, in it.... and is the very best movie, about teenage kids on an island, being hunted and killed by a pinata... that you are likely to see.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0201844/



If it need not be a horror.... seriously, possibly the VERY worst films I've EVER seen is "Envy" - a movie about the horrible after-effects of the Penis Fairy granting a woman the ability to 'grow one' whenever she wants.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0416721/

I'll add the first one to the list, and the second, after I make up my mind about genres.

They both sound deliciously bad.

Thats a question Im pondering right now.
Theres so many movies out there, that if I include all genres, I may never find an end to this path of Gouda, I have chosen.

If I stay within the Horror/suspense thriller genre, it may make this easier.



I'll add the first one to the list, and the second, after I make up my mind about genres.

They both sound deliciously bad.

Which reminds me... on the 'horror' topic... have you seen the infamous "Scarecrow" trilogy?

Scarecrow (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0341564/)
Scarecrow Slayer (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0353984/)
Scarecrow Gone Wild (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385218/)

T
The scores where:

From 1 to 10.

Judge #1 :10.

Judge #2 : 9.75

Myself : 8


Now I have to ask: Are you marking it an '8' because you've seen worse movies, or because you optimistic (or should that be pessimistic?) that you will see worse movies?

Yah, I loved the fact that this amazing scientist invents an antibiotic, that cures every illness, just HAPPENS to have the added bonus of making everyone who takes it, immune to the "Calcifier" death-ray.

..wich happens to be a bubble machine with a tape player on it.
I loved the 'Billion Bubble maker' (or what the hell it was called). Did they truly believe ppl would be scared by a machine that blew bubbles?
That, and the gorilla/alien outfit, is what really puts this into 'Turkey' territory.

Now I have to ask: Are you marking it an '8' because you've seen worse movies, or because you optimistic (or should that be pessimistic?) that you will see worse movies?

I gave it an 8 becuase Ive seen worse, but not much worse.

It did have a plot (even though a bad one, wich a cliche ending).
It was also only an hour long, so the torture wasnt impossible to endure.

However, the only "good" thing this film had was the fact that the monster killed a little girl, even if you dont get to actually see him do it.
Remember, this was made in 1953, so killing a child, even off-camera, was fairly racy back then, so I gave them points for going against the grain a little.

That was the ONLY noteworthy effort in this film, the rest was Satan's own laxative.

Another Backwoodssquatches Bad Move Review.

This time we review two horrible movies.
The first, is a drive-in Boobie Movie "thriller" from 1967, entitled "The Curious Dr. Humpp".

"The Curious Dr. Humpp" is a classic Sexploitation movie from the late 60's that were usually found in saturday matinees, and late nigth drive-in theatres.
These films are often funny becuase back then, you could show full frontal female nudity, but couldnt show any penetration during sex scenes, or male genitalia, or even actual female genitalia, just some wild 60's bush.
So, what you get...is a whole lot of heavy petting, and dry-humping.
Couple that, with an awful monster movie plot..and youve got some classic Cheese.

We get right to the lesbian heavy-petting scene ten seconds out of the credits, I was reminded of the Monty Python sketch where we hear the classic line "Whats wrong with a KISS, boy? Must we go stampeding to the clitoris?"

Between the dry humping and fondling, we see a man dressed in a ridiculous mask kidnapping people with chloroform...

I named him.."Plot".

Plot doesnt show up much, and accomplishes very little.

Later, after yet more humping, we arrive at the Castle of Dr. Humpp, where we learn he is keeping a cast of slaves, who are being used in kinky experiments.

Still later, we learn that Dr Humpp is disfigured somewhat, and is distilling some sort of elixir from his victims orgasms, to cure his ailment.

Now, in case you missed that...

Dr. Humpp is using essences distilled from peoples orgasms...he makes a potion out of the "Love Mung", (my words not thiers) that has regenerative powers.
I only wish I were kidding.

...no sleeping in the wet spot...not with Dr. Humpp around. He'll vaccuum that right up, and drink it for his health!

Even later still, we learn that, with the help of a brain, being kept in a jar, Dr. Humpp has discovered how to cure all of mankinds ailments WITH SEX!!

Well, one of his assistants decides to have a moral or two, and helps our male lead escape.
He does, and brings the police...the very SEXY police!

We occassionally see glimpses of people pretending to have kinky sex, and all of wich, are poorly done.
Some of these girls actually say thier lines in flat monotones.:

"Oh.....my cowboy."
"Oh yah."
"Baby."

Whee.

They, however, cannot bring enough action to the movie, and we are still left in Boring Town, for about an hour and a half.

The worst part of this film, is the fact its trying very hard to be an art film.
We even have a musical part with "Plot" playing an unstringed koto to one of the resident hotties traipsing about.
They develop some sort of weird relationship...

The sheer absurdity of the plot..(not the dork in the mask) and the "Trying WAY too hard to be "mod" and "hip" factor, make this film very bad and yet amusing, if you like a movie so completely bad, its funny.

Overall, this movie is in no way the worst ever, but dear god, doth it suck.
Verily.

It was far better than "Robot Monster".

The second movie to be reviewed, is "The Crawling Eye".

"The Crawling Eye", was an early 50's b-horror thriller, that really didnt stand out for much of any reason.
The first 35 minutes of this film are unbearably boring, but it does get a little better.

A Swiss mountain town is troubled by a mysterious cloud, that is communicating to a pyschic hot girl, and cuts a few peoples heads off.
Naturally, this alarms the town somewhat...

They ask the help of the genius proffessor whos avalanche proof mountain laboratory research facilty, will come in handy later...
The professor has a buddy working for the UN, and fortunatly, hes the handsome strong type (im SURE its strictly plutonic) and he makes a fine leading man.

We discover the cloud is probably an alien, and suddenly reproduces itself into four.
One of them attacks a hut up on the mountain...why we arent sure...and we see that inside the cloud...is BIG SCARY MONTSER WITH A HUGE EYE AND LAME FLAILING TENTACLES!!

Are you scared, yet?

Well, our possibly gay leading man, calls in an airstrike and blasts em to smithereenies!!

and thats pretty much it.

This movie wasnt as horrible as I was anticipating by its cheesy title.
It actually has a pretty good scene where some of the men find the first decapitated corpse, and for its time, the special effects were actually pretty gruesome.
It dragged a bit, and the giant eye monsters were fairly lame, and an over use of stock footage, and miniature models made for added cheese factor.

Overall, it wasnt toopainful to watch, but it could have been way better.
Certainly not the worst ever.