NationStates Jolt Archive


When to call a woman. Dating 101...from the posters not the threadmaster

Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 08:57
Welly welly welly well. I can see that you've all missed me. So here is a good old fasion dating post to get the blood flowing into those important members again.

I recently drunkenly obtained a pretty attractive and as far as I can tell cool girl's number. Since I usually spend my time being a jackoff with my friends when I go out it is a fairly rare occurence that I try to get anyone's number let alone a member of the opposite sex.

This raises the highly important question of when to call and what to say and do during and after the conversation. For a little clarification I met her on Friday night 2/24/06 and it is now the very early morning hours of 2/27/06 monday for me. I got her screen name as well so I breifly spoke to her before she went out to a movie with some friends on Saturday but I'm not gonna talk to her online again unless she talks to me. Since she still showed some interest I'm just gonna call her as the next move.

1. When should I do this and should I try to do something with her during the week (we are both in college and I work mon, wed, and thursday nights. I don't think she has a job) or should I just aim for the weekend which is prime getting drunk with friends time. (hang out early in the day?)

2. What should I do with her besides eat? I'm not really down with the whole movie first date shit if I'm gonnna do something with her I want to actualyl do something. I thought about suggesting the gun range like 40 min away as I went once and it was fun but I feel like that comes off as really creepy. Other ideas welcome. By the way she's not 21.

3. If I just get her voice mail do I leave a message and just tell her to call me back or what? She also randomly is friends with girls from my home town so I dont want to leave some long rambling message that they are gonna all listen to. I have no idea what they would say about me probably good things but I dunno.

4. Umm whatever else I forgot I can't think of anything more to ask about.

I probably won't listen to anything you sorry excuses for people have to say :p but I'm also a loser so I at least need the motivation. :D Woman can answer what you would do if you were calling (progressive) but don't forget that isn't the case here so dont' forget to say what you would want if someone was calling you (reality).
Mariehamn
27-02-2006, 09:01
I just hang out with members of the opposite sex, and then sooner or later they want me. So, in other words, just hang out and do not go, "Oh my Gawd, what should I do?!" Be yourself. If you fake, and it this thing goes awhile, you are probably going to regret it.

1. About the date time and stuff, do it when its convienent for both of you.
2. If you two get along it really doesn't matter what you do.
3. Friends for home town?! Who cares?! (I don't [in my life], you might, it really doesn't matter.)
Sarkhaan
27-02-2006, 09:03
Welly welly welly well. I can see that you've all missed me. So here is a good old fasion dating post to get the blood flowing into those important members again.

I recently drunkenly obtained a pretty attractive and as far as I can tell cool girl's number. Since I usually spend my time being a jackoff with my friends when I go out it is a fairly rare occurence that I try to get anyone's number let alone a member of the opposite sex.

This raises the highly important question of when to call and what to say and do during and after the conversation. For a little clarification I met her on Friday night 2/24/06 and it is now the very early morning hours of 2/27/06 monday for me. I got her screen name as well so I breifly spoke to her before she went out to a movie with some friends on Saturday but I'm not gonna talk to her online again unless she talks to me. Since she still showed some interest I'm just gonna call her as the next move.

1. When should I do this and should I try to do something with her during the week (we are both in college and I work mon, wed, and thursday nights. I don't think she has a job) or should I just aim for the weekend which is prime getting drunk with friends time. (hang out early in the day?)

2. What should I do with her besides eat? I'm not really down with the whole movie first date shit if I'm gonnna do something with her I want to actualyl do something. I thought about suggesting the gun range like 40 min away as I went once and it was fun but I feel like that comes off as really creepy. Other ideas welcome. By the way she's not 21.

3. If I just get her voice mail do I leave a message and just tell her to call me back or what? She also randomly is friends with girls from my home town so I dont want to leave some long rambling message that they are gonna all listen to. I have no idea what they would say about me probably good things but I dunno.

4. Umm whatever else I forgot I can't think of anything more to ask about.

I probably won't listen to anything you sorry excuses for people have to say :p but I'm also a loser so I at least need the motivation. :D Woman can answer what you would do if you were calling (progressive) but don't forget that isn't the case here so dont' forget to say what you would want if someone was calling you (reality).
1) I would suggest calling today or tomorrow, while you have a fresh impression. Do dinner friday evening, then go out and party. Worked for me this past weekend *nod*
2) I may have to get back to you on this. I don't know your location, which would prolly help, but where I am, there is a riverside pathway...great for walking. Or else there are lakes where you can go chill. coffee and talking is great. Maybe go see a concert, or take in a museaum?
3) I would go with "hey, sorry I missed you. I'll try back soon.". If you've taken on the job of making the first call, then see it through to full contact. Keep the message short and sweet...maybe drop in that you want to do something together soon
4) monkey.
Peechland
27-02-2006, 09:12
1) I would suggest calling today or tomorrow, while you have a fresh impression. Do dinner friday evening, then go out and party. Worked for me this past weekend *nod*
2) I may have to get back to you on this. I don't know your location, which would prolly help, but where I am, there is a riverside pathway...great for walking. Or else there are lakes where you can go chill. coffee and talking is great. Maybe go see a concert, or take in a museaum?
3) I would go with "hey, sorry I missed you. I'll try back soon.". If you've taken on the job of making the first call, then see it through to full contact. Keep the message short and sweet...maybe drop in that you want to do something together soon
4) monkey.

I totally agree with #4.


Gotts, have you been drinking tonight? *looks suspiciously*

Well Sarkhaan gave some really good advice.

Tip: Do not accidentally burp on the machine if you have to leave a message. It's too early in the game for you to get away with that.
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 09:12
I just hang out with members of the opposite sex, and then sooner or later they want me. So, in other words, just hang out and do not go, "Oh my Gawd, what should I do?!" Be yourself. If you fake, and it this thing goes awhile, you are probably going to regret it.

1. About the date time and stuff, do it when its convienent for both of you.
2. If you two get along it really doesn't matter what you do.
3. Friends for home town?! Who cares?! (I don't [in my life], you might, it really doesn't matter.)

Yes, I realize how to hang out with someone. I'm addressing the lead-up that can make you look like a jackass before you get the chance to prove otherwise. The friends from home part just complicates things in that one has to compete with the opinions of people who are close friends as opposed to me who met her because she was gonna funnel a beer and I said "I'll match" haha.
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 09:14
1) I would suggest calling today or tomorrow, while you have a fresh impression. Do dinner friday evening, then go out and party. Worked for me this past weekend *nod*
2) I may have to get back to you on this. I don't know your location, which would prolly help, but where I am, there is a riverside pathway...great for walking. Or else there are lakes where you can go chill. coffee and talking is great. Maybe go see a concert, or take in a museaum?
3) I would go with "hey, sorry I missed you. I'll try back soon.". If you've taken on the job of making the first call, then see it through to full contact. Keep the message short and sweet...maybe drop in that you want to do something together soon
4) monkey.

Yea I'm probably gonna have to man up and call tommorrow. The location is western massachusetts and it is probably way too cold to consider any outdoor activities seriously. You think it is wise to leave your number in the message or just assume her phone logged it if she really wanted to get it and call back later.
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 09:16
Gotts, have you been drinking tonight? *looks suspiciously*


Haha actually no I'm just pretty tired. Although if you've payed attention to other posts I've made, which as a recall you have, that isn't a foolish question. ;) Sunday is unfortunately a workday for me.
Sarkhaan
27-02-2006, 09:20
Yea I'm probably gonna have to man up and call tommorrow. The location is western massachusetts and it is probably way too cold to consider any outdoor activities seriously. You think it is wise to leave your number in the message or just assume her phone logged it if she really wanted to get it and call back later.
ahh...western mass. I'm in boston, I feel your pain with the weather.

I would say if it was a casual call, then leaving the number would be fine, but in the case of asking her out, I would make it clear that you are going to call her back. On her side, it looks like you are being the "man" and not going to back out. On your side, it is a hell of a lot easier to do this kinda thing on your own terms
Fascist Dominion
27-02-2006, 09:21
I just hang out with members of the opposite sex, and then sooner or later they want me.
Sounds like me, but I don't think any of them want me....
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 09:24
ahh...western mass. I'm in boston, I feel your pain with the weather.

I would say if it was a casual call, then leaving the number would be fine, but in the case of asking her out, I would make it clear that you are going to call her back. On her side, it looks like you are being the "man" and not going to back out. On your side, it is a hell of a lot easier to do this kinda thing on your own terms

Ah Boston nice. I'm out at Umass Amherst but I live down on the east coast around the New Bedford area. Seems like pretty solid advice perhaps you've earned the posting title of "pimp". So I dunno I guess I should just shoot straight for friday instead of trying any in-week shenanigans? Friday is just so damn far when your in college. I barely know what I'm gonna do friday until like 30 min before I do it.
Peechland
27-02-2006, 09:26
Seems like pretty solid advice perhaps you've earned the posting title of "pimp".


Ha!
Sarkhaan
27-02-2006, 09:29
Ah Boston nice. I'm out at Umass Amherst but I live down on the east coast around the New Bedford area. Seems like pretty solid advice perhaps you've earned the posting title of "pimp". So I dunno I guess I should just shoot straight for friday instead of trying any in-week shenanigans? Friday is just so damn far when your in college. I barely know what I'm gonna do friday until like 30 min before I do it.
haha...yeah, I'm up at BU, but grew up in CT.
And I just noticed that my title was "pimp" when you said that. It made me laugh. I'm overtired. yeah.

I would say stick with friday for something official. If theres like, a group lunch or something, then yeah, go for it...but for you two alone, set the date and stick to it. It helps keep you from getting to nervous.

this last friday, me and my friend went out to dinner at 6...finished at 7 saying we would call eachother when we found out what was going on. 8:30, I get a call "be at my place in 5 minutes". this is a 10 minute walk. I was there in 4. thus is college.
Mariehamn
27-02-2006, 09:33
Yes, I realize how to hang out with someone. I'm addressing the lead-up that can make you look like a jackass before you get the chance to prove otherwise. The friends from home part just complicates things in that one has to compete with the opinions of people who are close friends as opposed to me who met her because she was gonna funnel a beer and I said "I'll match" haha.
We, if you look like a jackass that's your problem. I've never had such. I also never take advice from anyone on personal matters. My guess is, you do the same. I usually end up sounding "angry" or "preoccupied". Its me. They just gotta get used to it, 'cause I hate the phone.
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 09:34
haha...yeah, I'm up at BU, but grew up in CT.
And I just noticed that my title was "pimp" when you said that. It made me laugh. I'm overtired. yeah.

I would say stick with friday for something official. If theres like, a group lunch or something, then yeah, go for it...but for you two alone, set the date and stick to it. It helps keep you from getting to nervous.

this last friday, me and my friend went out to dinner at 6...finished at 7 saying we would call eachother when we found out what was going on. 8:30, I get a call "be at my place in 5 minutes". this is a 10 minute walk. I was there in 4. thus is college.

Yea I think I'm just gonna call tommorrow and try to set something up for Friday afternoon after class. Then we can eat or whatever and maybe do something else and then maybe get plastered later on. Worst case scenerio my efforts are all for not and I have an excuse to get totally trashed with my friends. :D Best case scenerio :fluffle:
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 09:36
We, if you look like a jackass that's your problem. I've never had such. I also never take advice from anyone on personal matters. My guess is, you do the same. I usually end up sounding "angry" or "preoccupied". Its me. They just gotta get used to it, 'cause I hate the phone.

Haha yea advice is usually waiting until someone says what you were basically thinking so that you gain some extra balls and do what you were gonna do anyways. But every little bit helps. The lead up is always garbage actually meeting up with someone and doing something really isn't that bad. Its pretty easy to tell if it will work or not.
Sarkhaan
27-02-2006, 09:39
Yea I think I'm just gonna call tommorrow and try to set something up for Friday afternoon after class. Then we can eat or whatever and maybe do something else and then maybe get plastered later on. Worst case scenerio my efforts are all for not and I have an excuse to get totally trashed with my friends. :D Best case scenerio :fluffle:
haha...well, best case scenario is this:
http://www.abestweb.com/smilies/bates.gif
HA! thank you LG for that one.

going out to a party is usually good. the alcohol loosens you both up (not that way, sickos) but there are still ways to get away from all the people.
Anglo-Utopia
27-02-2006, 12:45
I say just do what you've gotta do. Go with the flow..That's what I do.
San haiti
27-02-2006, 13:09
I hate all this crap about thinking about when to call. Its for people who analyse stuff too much and end up killing whatever it was they had with to much thinking.

So, uh, call her whenever you feel like it.
Harlesburg
27-02-2006, 13:18
A movie called swingers has the answer.
I think it was 8 days.
Evenrue
27-02-2006, 17:26
Bowling!!!
All the other stuff I don't know...
Ashmoria
27-02-2006, 18:10
call her tonight.

if you get her, fine.

if you get the machine leave the brief message indicating that you were hoping to "do something this weekend" and leave it at that.

if she calls you back, fine

if she doesnt, you dont know if its because she isnt interested or because she's one of those girls who are hesitant to call a guy even if he called her first. so if she doesnt call, wait til tuesday and talk to her online with a "hey i tried to call you" and see how she responds.

go with the friday after class plan.
Frangland
27-02-2006, 18:12
three days
The Half-Hidden
27-02-2006, 21:52
1. When should I do this and should I try to do something with her during the week (we are both in college and I work mon, wed, and thursday nights. I don't think she has a job) or should I just aim for the weekend which is prime getting drunk with friends time. (hang out early in the day?)

2. What should I do with her besides eat? I'm not really down with the whole movie first date shit if I'm gonnna do something with her I want to actualyl do something. I thought about suggesting the gun range like 40 min away as I went once and it was fun but I feel like that comes off as really creepy. Other ideas welcome. By the way she's not 21.

3. If I just get her voice mail do I leave a message and just tell her to call me back or what? She also randomly is friends with girls from my home town so I dont want to leave some long rambling message that they are gonna all listen to. I have no idea what they would say about me probably good things but I dunno.

4. Umm whatever else I forgot I can't think of anything more to ask about.

I probably won't listen to anything you sorry excuses for people have to say :p but I'm also a loser so I at least need the motivation. :D Woman can answer what you would do if you were calling (progressive) but don't forget that isn't the case here so dont' forget to say what you would want if someone was calling you (reality).
1. Call her whenever you feel like it.

2. Go for a walk with her.

3. I don't do voicemail with anyone unless I can absolutely never get them otherwise. That's just me, but maybe you should do the same.

4. Don't take what I say as the gospel truth of infinite wisdom, or anything like that. ;)

I just hang out with members of the opposite sex, and then sooner or later they want me.
Works for me. Hey, are you male or female?

Sounds like me, but I don't think any of them want me....
"think" being the operative word!
Auranai
27-02-2006, 21:58
48 hours is about how long I like a guy to wait. Too much longer, and he's either too busy to give me much time, or not interested enough to bother with.

Less than that and he could be a serial killer.

Let us know how it goes! :D
Norleans
27-02-2006, 22:07
I'd say to get together with one or two of your best droogies and plan a party or outing to dinner and a club and call her and tell her and invite her to go with you. Tell her to bring a few of her friends as well. Make it a group thing though where the one-on-one pressure is reduced. Get to know her better this way first.

Just my $0.02
The Half-Hidden
27-02-2006, 22:11
48 hours is about how long I like a guy to wait. Too much longer, and he's either too busy to give me much time, or not interested enough to bother with.

Less than that and he could be a serial killer.

Wow, that is very exact, and presumptive.
Forfania Gottesleugner
27-02-2006, 23:29
Blah blah thinking about it too much blah blah. I'm not fooling myself of course I'm thinking about it too much thats what people do, think. I'm gonna call her up today when she gets back from class somtime (judging from her away message haha). Gonna just see if she wants to do something Friday afternoon or whatever I'll figure out what later on. As far as what else we could do it is way too cold here to think about anything outside. Bowling isn't bad but thats like a 4th date or something. I think I'm just gonna buy her food and then just fucking wing it depending on how that goes. The hard part is setting it up not performing it so I'm not gonna even worry about that.

I'll post how it goes if I feel like it. So basically if it goes well hahah.
Revnia
27-02-2006, 23:46
There is a great amount of chaos in the female mind. One can play a perfect game and still strike out. One can act a complete ass and still make a homerun. Eventually, everyone gets laid. Just act your self, and within an hour to a year you will reach 4th base.
Forfania Gottesleugner
28-02-2006, 00:12
There is a great amount of chaos in the female mind. One can play a perfect game and still strike out. One can act a complete ass and still make a homerun. Eventually, everyone gets laid. Just act your self, and within an hour to a year you will reach 4th base.

True dat brotha preacher man.
Qwystyria
28-02-2006, 00:27
1. This could go either way - saying you wanna get together asap can sound like you're really interested. Sacrificing your drunk-getting time could too, if you're willing to let her know you get drunk with friends regularly. On the other hand, they both could be scary/stalkerish.

2. Go bowling. Go on a walk. Go to the student center get pizza and shoot pool. Whatever. I'd go shooting with you, but I'm odd that way.

3. Leave a brief voice mail. Don't specify the next means of contact. That way, she can call if she wants, or you can call if you want, and nobody feels weird. Suggest a time you'd like to get together, but don't make it all "you must go out with me friday".

4. Don't be an idiot. Be yourself. If those are contradictory, obey the first one.
Forfania Gottesleugner
28-02-2006, 00:40
1. This could go either way - saying you wanna get together asap can sound like you're really interested. Sacrificing your drunk-getting time could too, if you're willing to let her know you get drunk with friends regularly. On the other hand, they both could be scary/stalkerish.

Yea it's been since Friday night and it is monday so I feel like it isn't too soon. I'm also gonna specify friday afternoon so it doesn't seem like either of us have to forfeit our drunk time unless things go well or something. In which case I will include her on my drunk time. I started talking to her because she was gonna funnel the rest of her beer and I wanted to match with my own, so drinking probably isn't an issue.


2. Go bowling. Go on a walk. Go to the student center get pizza and shoot pool. Whatever. I'd go shooting with you, but I'm odd that way.

Yea I plan on taking her to this fairly decent restaurant that has good food but isnt' all stuffy and high class so it can be casual. Depending on how that goes I'll decide what if anything to do after.


3. Leave a brief voice mail. Don't specify the next means of contact. That way, she can call if she wants, or you can call if you want, and nobody feels weird. Suggest a time you'd like to get together, but don't make it all "you must go out with me friday".

yea def not I'm just gonna suggest friday afternoon and see what she says


4. Don't be an idiot. Be yourself. If those are contradictory, obey the first one.
I try to keep my idiocy fun so we'll see how she thinks about it, haha.
Forfania Gottesleugner
28-02-2006, 02:28
This thread has pretty much turned into a self-indulgent romp for me but whatever. I figured I'd finish it off.

I'm taking her out on Friday.;)
Harlesburg
28-02-2006, 10:08
I recently drunkenly obtained a pretty attractive and as far as I can tell cool girl's number. Since I usually spend my time being a jackoff with my friends when I go out it is a fairly rare occurence that I try to get anyone's number let alone a member of the opposite sex.

Wait so you pick up guys?http://70.85.81.229/html/emoticons/blink.gif
Findecano Calaelen
28-02-2006, 14:04
Wait so you pick up guys?http://70.85.81.229/html/emoticons/blink.gif
i was waiting for this post
Forfania Gottesleugner
28-02-2006, 22:21
Wait so you pick up guys?http://70.85.81.229/html/emoticons/blink.gif

I've gotten a guy's number before, yes. I also got the girl he was with's number but he was cool so I took his too because I was wasted and friendly. What I think your really asking though is have I gotten a guy's number in a homosexual way and that is no. But yea I didn't make a mistake when I typed I have gotten a guy's number. It's called making friends you should try it when you aren't too busy making sure everyone knows your not gay.
Sarkhaan
01-03-2006, 00:12
This thread has pretty much turned into a self-indulgent romp for me but whatever. I figured I'd finish it off.

I'm taking her out on Friday.;)
atta boy. *hands beer* (beer is so much more rewarding than cookies)