NationStates Jolt Archive

THE "TWO COW" EXPLANATION OF WHAT MAKES...

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none! So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the
underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
There are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

Pakistani corporation
You have two cows. They see this

http://i1.tinypic.com/ohms8w.gif

And take the day off to burn down a KFC.

Seen this sooooo many times

:rolleyes: not again

Liasia']Seen this sooooo many times

Good for you. I'm sure there are those that haven't. :rolleyes:

Good for you. I'm sure there are those that haven't. :rolleyes:

You mean that sarcastically, as in you dont think there are those that havent?

I'd only seen this before down to the communist example. Everything after that was new and giggilicious to me.

I'm pretty sure I've seen this awhile ago but its been long enough I don't mind seeing it again. I like the analogies. :)

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

Should be Mississippi I think... :D

Liasia']You mean that sarcastically, as in you dont think there are those that havent?
I think he/she meant to say:

Good for you.:rolleyes: I'm sure there are those that haven't.

Either that or, "Shut the hell up if you've seen it before instead of showing your supposed internet superiority".

But sometimes my translations are flawed. So go with the first one:)

CANADIAN CORPORATION:
You have two moose.

You people still did not have enough of this stupid analogy?

I think he/she meant to say:



Either that or, "Shut the hell up if you've seen it before instead of showing your supposed internet superiority".

But sometimes my translations are flawed. So go with the first one:)

I kinda guessed. Calm down and have a cookie.

CANADIAN CORPORATION:
You have two moose.
Isn't that meese?:p

I think he/she meant to say:



Either that or, "Shut the hell up if you've seen it before instead of showing your supposed internet superiority".

But sometimes my translations are flawed. So go with the first one:)

"Shut the hell up if you've seen it before instead of showing your supposed internet superiority" is close enough. :)

Liasia']I kinda guessed. Calm down and have a cookie.
When you see me riled up, you'll never mistake this for that again.

USSR - In Soviet Russia, cow milks you!

CANADIAN CORPORATION:
You have two moose.

they go "cow" :p

When you see me riled up, you'll never mistake this for that again.

yay *pops the champagne in celebration*

Hehehehe. I hadn't seen those before. Funny stuff. :)

TCism: You have two cows. They have the democratic right to vote.

TCism: You have two cows. They have the democratic right to vote.

What, you mean they dont everywhere else?

Liasia']What, you mean they dont everywhere else?

Depends on the species of said cow.

Depends on the species of said cow.

Well, it explains how Bush got into power at least. If you look on the electoral register there are 19million 'bessie's, all with no last name and registered to a field in South Arizona.

NORTH KOREAN DICTATORSHIP:
You have the greatest cow in the world. It is the largest, and gives the most delicious milk. It scored 38 under par in its first round of golf!

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

oh how funny to point out a British tragedy sorry I must go we don't want to suffer a surprise attack 3 years into a global conflict

Liasia']What, you mean they dont everywhere else?

Not last time I checked. Unless by cow you mean a grumpy, larger woman.

oh how funny to point out a British tragedy sorry I must go we don't want to suffer a surprise attack 3 years into a global conflict

What? was that a flame? i do believe it was. BSE wasnt that much of a British trajedy. Only like 2 people died as i recall.

Liasia']What? was that a flame? i do believe it was. BSE wasnt that much of a British trajedy. Only like 2 people died as i recall.

BSE caused many livelihoods to be lost, loss of livestock and a ban on British beef in some countries as you can see the farmers didn’t have a jolly good time and BSE is still being felt even after years

BSE caused many livelihoods to be lost, loss of livestock and a ban on British beef in some countries as you can see the farmers didn’t have a jolly good time and BSE is still being felt even after years

oh dear god no!:rolleyes: Its not as if farmers get compensation and huge subsidies for stuff they produce. Farmers get money for just leaving land wild, for gods sake.

Liasia']oh dear god no!:rolleyes: Its not as if farmers get compensation and huge subsidies for stuff they produce. Farmers get money for just leaving land wild, for gods sake.

I'm not even going to bother...

I'm not even going to bother...

W/E, you know farmers get it easy despite all the moanin you hear from them. Im pretty certain their livelihoods weren't 'wrecked'.

I'm pretty sure I've seen this awhile ago but its been long enough I don't mind seeing it again. I like the analogies. :)

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

Should be Mississippi I think... :D
Kentucky.

Kentucky.
Think further South, like South Carolina.

Washington State

You have two cows
You need bail money

Sudan

You have two cows
Your neighbor must marry one. http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=470501

Kansas
You have two cows given to you by God. They have been there for 6,000 years and any evidnce against that is from the devil.

Kansas
You have two cows given to you by God. They have been there for 6,000 years and any evidnce against that is from the devil.

NS General Forum:
You have two cows. Someone tries to convince you that you have three.

IRAN:
There were never two cows! Death to the cow-lovers!

Holland:
You had two cows, but you traded them in for some biscuits.

SCOTLAND
"Ye can taeke oor tuu cuws, bot ye canna taeke oor FREEDUM!"

A room full of bored mathematicians:

You have two cows.

Now, if we take x = y as our first step then:

x = y
x^2 = xy
x^2 - y^2 = xy - y^2
(x + y)(x - y) = y(x - y)
x + y = y but since x = y then:
y + y = y
2y = y
2 = 1

So you in fact only have one cow. Go figure.

NS General:
You have two cows.
You argue over whether you should teach the cows evolution or intelligent design.
The cows grow bored, go off, and fluffle.
You argue over whether the cows should have an abortion.
Repeat.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Two_cows

Browse there for awhile, it should give you all the Two Cow fun you could ever need or want.

ENGRISH

You are have two cow.
All your base are belong to us!

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Two_cows

Browse there for awhile, it should give you all the Two Cow fun you could ever need or want.
ROFLMAO!!!!

Nietzschian Analysis
You have two cows. They are the herd. You are the individual. The cows have failed to unfetter themselves from the unquestioned foundations of the same-thinking slave morality. You have risen above this, revolted against slavery and achieved one-ness by the triumphant affirmation of your creative energy by killing the cows and eating them. Raw.

A room full of bored mathematicians:

You have two cows.

Now, if we take x = y as our first step then:

x = y
x^2 = xy
x^2 - y^2 = xy - y^2
(x + y)(x - y) = y(x - y)
x + y = y but since x = y then:
y + y = y
2y = y
2 = 1

So you in fact only have one cow. Go figure.

A roomful of bored pure mathematicians:

You have two cows.

Taking the previous equation of 2 = 1 you find:

2 = 1
0 = -1
0 = square root of -1
0 = i
2 = 2 + i

You find that you have two cows and one imaginary cow. You try and sell the imaginary cow to a bunch of engineers.:D

Catholicism

You have two cows, whichever cow has the bigger horn gets to be the leader of 1 billion cows.

A roomful of bored pure mathematicians:

You have two cows.

Taking the previous equation of 2 = 1 you find:

2 = 1
0 = -1
0 = square root of -1
0 = i
2 = 2 + i

You find that you have two cows and one imaginary cow. You try and sell the imaginary cow to a bunch of engineers.:D

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa... Lois this is not my Batman glass.

But seriously, I was with you up until the 0 = -1 bit - after that i got completely lost. Explain please?

I've always liked:

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows, the government shoots you and takes the cows

1984ism

You have 2 cows, the government takes them, locks you up for believing in cows and tortures you. You love the government.

SURREALISM

You have a pink Giraffe and a blue hippo, you take harmonica lessons

BAPTIST

You have two cows, they are not allowed to dance.

down east socialism

darn you, enoch, you KNOW i got 2 cows!