NationStates Jolt Archive

:(

Someone fix me.

:(

Someone fix me.
*Ties dakini up*

*force feeds a cookie down dakini's throat*

Better?:D

:(

Someone fix me.
*fixes*
Now, you owe me about 2 grand in fees for that, but I'm feeling generous, so I'll take my payment in pornography.

http://www.patheticgeekstories.com/images/beverage-peptobismol.jpg

*fixes*
Now, you owe me about 2 grand in fees for that, but I'm feeling generous, so I'll take my payment in pornography.
I live in Canada, the government covers my medical bills.


Seriously though, I don't know wtf I ate, but my stomach has been acting badly a lot lately... :(

:(

Someone fix me.
Well, I'd consider it, but I'm not actually licensed to perform surgery. I would suggest if you were really desperate, you could go to a vet to "get fixed".

see the above for all solutions.

I advise you to smoke some marijuana.

Have a banana, or some toast.

Those are soothing.

See here's where I'd ask you a series of *girl* questions to help figure out said stomach pain. But since we are in the presence of boys (gross). I'll just ask what have you eaten lately. Lately being last 48 hours.

I advise you to smoke some marijuana.
I wish.

I advise you to smoke some marijuana.

I second this advise, and if you choose to follow it, I will show solidarity by doing the same myself.

Sit on the toilet and read a porno.

Good times...

Take a tablespoon of tobasco sauce.

See here's where I'd ask you a series of *girl* questions to help figure out said stomach pain. But since we are in the presence of boys (gross). I'll just ask what have you eaten lately. Lately being last 48 hours.
Well, it's lower abdomen pain (not girl-issue related)
as for what I ate...

for dinner I had veggie stir fry and rice and a salad
for lunch I had a falafel pita with some weird salad
for breakfast I had life cereal and a banana
for dinner last night I had spaghetti and a salad
for lunch yesterday I had leftover mashed potatos and a slice of cake
for breakfast yesterday I had life cereal and a banana
for dinner the day before yesterday I had mashed potatos and green beans

and I can't remember further back than that...

I second this advise, and if you choose to follow it, I will show solidarity by doing the same myself.
I don't have any, don't know where to acquire any and don't have the paraphenalia... I'm strictly a social smoker so my friends get it (I pitch) and they have all the stuff.

I don't have any, don't know where to acquire any and don't have the paraphenalia... I'm strictly a social smoker so my friends get it (I pitch) and they have all the stuff.

See, were you not so far away I could totally hook you up. That's what you get for living in Canada.

I live in Canada, the government covers my medical bills.
Fine, I'll accept some of the sacred nudie pics taken of Paul Martin shortly before he went back in time and defeated Hitler in one on one combat in the skies over Mozambique. See to it that the proper authorities are informed.

Well, it's lower abdomen pain (not girl-issue related)
as for what I ate...

for dinner I had veggie stir fry and rice and a salad
for lunch I had a falafel pita with some weird salad
for breakfast I had life cereal and a banana
for dinner last night I had spaghetti and a salad
for lunch yesterday I had leftover mashed potatos and a slice of cake
for breakfast yesterday I had life cereal and a banana
for dinner the day before yesterday I had mashed potatos and green beans

and I can't remember further back than that...


*scan scan scan*

I think you have OD'd on carbs. You need some protein .....and fiber. Contrary to popular belief, bananas are not a good source of fiber and cause constipation quite frequently.

I second this advise, and if you choose to follow it, I will show solidarity by doing the same myself.
I've been showing solidarity all night.

Well, it's lower abdomen pain (not girl-issue related)
as for what I ate...

for dinner I had veggie stir fry and rice and a salad
for lunch I had a falafel pita with some weird salad
for breakfast I had life cereal and a banana
for dinner last night I had spaghetti and a salad
for lunch yesterday I had leftover mashed potatos and a slice of cake
for breakfast yesterday I had life cereal and a banana
for dinner the day before yesterday I had mashed potatos and green beans

and I can't remember further back than that...

Did you make the salad, or was it from a salad bar/restuarant? Because if it's not from your kitchen, it's prolly the salad.

*scan scan scan*

I think you have OD'd on carbs. You need some protein .....and fiber. Contrary to popular belief, bananas are not a good source of fiber and cause constipation quite frequently.
Salad isn't fibre? Cereal isn't fibre? Veggies aren't fibre?
I'm not constipated at all either.

And there is protein in there...

I've been showing solidarity all night.

I'm too lazy to go out to my car and get mine. It's like 20 degrees out there.

See, were you not so far away I could totally hook you up. That's what you get for living in Canada.
Perhaps you should move here... the cops care less about pot than in the states...

Salad isn't fibre? Cereal isn't fibre?
I'm not constipated at all either.

Salads-Yeah if 5% of the RDA qualifies as getting enough fiber.

Cereal-sure. A bowl a day isnt enough of that either.

Salads-Yeah if 5% of the RDA qualifies as getting enough fiber.

Cereal-sure. A bowl a day isnt enough of that either.

She's Canadian. They don't follow the RDAs.

Perhaps you should move here... the cops care less about pot than in the states...

Unsurprisingly, the cops in Massachusetts don't care either.

She's Canadian. They don't follow the RDAs.
They use the metric system over there, and that makes it convert over to about 500% of what they need in a day.

She's Canadian. They don't follow the RDAs.
.

Damn Canadians get to have all the fun.

Salads-Yeah if 5% of the RDA qualifies as getting enough fiber.

Cereal-sure. A bowl a day isnt enough of that either.
I'm not constipated. I have quite regular bowel movements, I think it's just gas that's hurting me now.
Also, I eat almost nothing but veggies... I fail to see how that isn't enough fibre in my diet.

They use the metric system over there, and that makes it convert over to about 500% of what they need in a day.


Which could be the problem....ack.

Unsurprisingly, the cops in Massachusetts don't care either.
Fair enough.

sounds very bad. probably a tumor and it might be too late.

It is not your tummy that hurts, it is your intestines that are in discomfort.


You owe me $500 k.

I'm not constipated. I have quite regular bowel movements, I think it's just gas that's hurting me now.


I'm sorry. I didnt mean to insinuate that you were. Sometimes pasta, potatoes,cake, pitas,etc can cause you to produce more stomach acid to help disolve all the gluten.

You have any baking soda, Alka Seltzer or antacids?

You owe me $500 k.
I already tried that, and I am still waiting for my Paul Martin pornography.
Damn Canadians, deadbeats the lot of 'em.
*shakes fist*

Fair enough.

And I'm off, for I must work in the AM. Good luck Dakini. Hope you feel better!

:(

Someone fix me.

Don't take Tylenol on an empty stomach.

Don't drink Dr. Pepper on an empty stomach.

Don't eat sourdough bread on an empty stomach.

Don't spend extended periods of time in the presence of Chlorine or Hydrochloric gas.

I already tried that, and I am still waiting for my Paul Martin pornography.
Damn Canadians, deadbeats the lot of 'em.
*shakes fist*

At least they're not...is it even worth the flaming?

I already tried that, and I am still waiting for my Paul Martin pornography.
Damn Canadians, deadbeats the lot of 'em.
*shakes fist*


I'm fresh out of porn.Could I interest you in a game of Silent Hill?

:(

Someone fix me.

I suppose just taking a Tums would be too simple?

At least they're not...is it even worth the flaming?
Jews? And yes, it is always worth the flaming. Just ask Richard Fiedler.

I'm sorry. I didnt mean to insinuate that you were. Sometimes pasta, potatoes,cake, pitas,etc can cause you to produce more stomach acid to help disolve all the gluten.

You have any baking soda, Alka Seltzer or antacids?
Yes, I have baking soda and antacids...

I suppose just taking a Tums would be too simple?
I don't have heartburn and my ulcer isn't acting up...

Jews? And yes, it is always worth the flaming. Just ask Richard Fiedler.

Well, that and it was too easy. Maybe I should have gone with the Africans...

I'm fresh out of porn.Could I interest you in a game of Silent Hill?
If I could crawl through computer monitors like that creepy chick from The Ring, I would love nothing better than to flood your floor and scare the crap out of your immediate family.

If I could crawl through computer monitors like that creepy chick from The Ring, I would love nothing better than to flood your floor and scare the crap out of your immediate family.

You mean you cant?

Fiddles! I'm disappointed. I so wanted you to crawl through the screen. *frown*

You mean you cant?

Fiddles! I'm disappointed. I so wanted you to crawl through the screen. *frown*

He may not, but I can.

Is it like a bubbly gross feeling that you just feel like " my tummy's boiling!!!" ?

If it is, lay down a bit, have some ginger ale and pretzels and just.... Veg.

He may not, but I can.

then you shall be dubbed the new King of Wicked Forum Talents

then you shall be dubbed the new King of Wicked Forum Talents

And they say lying doesn't help.

lieing
LYING... It's LYING... L-Y-I-N-G!!!

LYING... It's LYING... L-Y-I-N-G!!!

Will I sound too corny if I quote Mark Twain?

:(

Someone fix me.
Too much Sperm?

Will I sound too corny if I quote Mark Twain?
Yeah, probably. Because I'm not a big fan of his, and have only read one of this stories which I have cleverly forgotten which one it was. Oh well.

Too much Sperm?


your eye pic freaked me out btw.

You need morphine and plenty of it.

your eye pic freaked me out btw.
Yes that would save the cost of getting ones stomach pumped.

Best thing to do is have a small brandy, and go to bed. Lie on your stomach and say the alphabet six times. If nothing else, it'll take your mind off it. If it doesn't work, have another brandy, then another, and after a while it won't matter that your stomach hurts!