NationStates Jolt Archive

Urine Samples Taken From Probation Office
WAUKESHA, Wis. (AP) -- Whoever broke into a state probation and parole office left with items that can be key evidence - urine samples of those under court orders not to use alcohol or illegal drugs.

Agents who work out of the state Department of Corrections Probation and Parole office periodically require people under the court orders to submit the samples for testing.

Police Capt. Mike Babe said someone broke into the Waukesha office Monday night or early Tuesday and took all the urine samples that had been stored in the office.

Babe said police were called at 7:19 a.m. Tuesday when someone discovered a door was broken and the samples were gone.


Police and probation and parole personnel would not comment on how many samples were stolen or if anything else was missing.

Police Sgt. Jerry Habanek said Wednesday evening the matter remained under investigation and no other information was being released. Probation and Parole supervisor Avery Gould declined comment while the incident was being investigated.

LINK (http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/URINE_THEFT?SITE=1010WINS&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-02-22-20-30-54)


damn this gave me a great laugh to start my day, let's just hope it stops raining for once.....

At least they had the intelligence to steal all the samples and not just thier own...

At least they had the intelligence to steal all the samples and not just thier own...


yeah it will give the guy who stole them another few days of freedom

So, what's the next step? They take the alcohol and drugs out of the urine?

Probably just wanted a drink.
http://skepdic.com/urine.html

Wtf?

You're taking the piss, right?

Probably just wanted a drink.
http://skepdic.com/urine.html


thats just disgusting, but its sterile.

I think they're taking the piss.

Probably just wanted a drink.
http://skepdic.com/urine.html
i dont know if i should open this link

Probably just wanted a drink.
http://skepdic.com/urine.html
Or a shower.

Some people are just messed up.

thats just disgusting, but its sterile.
sterile yes, but not safe. Urea is not good for you, and neither is the high ion (especially sodium) concentration.

Wow, this guy is like Robin Hood or something. Wotta guy.

Wow, this guy is like Robin Hood or something. Wotta guy.

The Urine Thief. They'll write songs about him! :D

The Urine Thief. They'll write songs about him! :D

if i had money right now id give it to the first person who came up with a song about him.

I'd pay money to see a movie about a modern-day urine-stealin' Robin Hood.

I really would.

if i had money right now id give it to the first person who came up with a song about him.

Send the idea to "Weird Al" Yankovic. I'm sure he could come up with something. ;)

I'd pay money to see a movie about a modern-day urine-stealin' Robin Hood.

I really would.
I would look forward to the scene where he gives to the poor.

I'd pay money to see a movie about a modern-day urine-stealin' Robin Hood.

I really would.


"He robs from the rich and gives you your pee!"

Send the idea to "Weird Al" Yankovic. I'm sure he could come up with something. ;)


yeah and he wont even know im not gonna pay him, but if he goes gold with it i want my fucin royalty check.

The Urine Thief. They'll write songs about him! :D
Gather round children
I'll banish your grief
It's time for the tale
Of the great urine thief

Back in the year of two thousand and six
The government was up to its usual tricks
They came round the city, and gathered our pee
There was no more of urine, for you or for me

Each bladder they purged
Every drop took with care
The toilets were empty
And restrooms were bare

Then one man had a plan
To get back our waste
Not at all did he dally
He hurried with haste

"I'll sneak in the prison"
He said with a grin
"And bring back our urine,
They won't know I've been in"

He silently snuck
Till he sighted the pee
Bags upon bags
Were all he could see

He snatched them all up
Just as quick as before
He would give them all back
From the rich to the poor

The pee was returned
We shouted with glee
" God Bless you Pee Thief!
A great man are ye!"

So now when you go
to piss,whiz, and pee
Remember the Pee Thief
A great man was he

More of a poem I suppose.

More of a poem I suppose.

not if you put it to music.....Im currently singing it to the theme of the Beverly Hillbillies show

More of a poem I suppose.

I like it. :)

If it becomes a movie I want to see him liberate a fast-moving cargo train of urine by racing a shitbox pickup driven by a scantily-clad lady alongside the tracks and jumping aboard while yelling 'Yee-haw' at the top of his lungs.

Seriously.

Any new word on this? Have they caught the guy?

Any new word on this? Have they caught the guy?

I havent seen anything yet. But I hope he's never caught.

Gather round children
I'll banish your grief
It's time for the tale
Of the great urine thief

Back in the year of two thousand and six
The government was up to its usual tricks
They came round the city, and gathered our pee
There was no more of urine, for you or for me

Each bladder they purged
Every drop took with care
The toilets were empty
And restrooms were bare

Then one man had a plan
To get back our waste
Not at all did he dally
He hurried with haste

"I'll sneak in the prison"
He said with a grin
"And bring back our urine,
They won't know I've been in"

He silently snuck
Till he sighted the pee
Bags upon bags
Were all he could see

He snatched them all up
Just as quick as before
He would give them all back
From the rich to the poor

The pee was returned
We shouted with glee
" God Bless you Pee Thief!
A great man are ye!"

So now when you go
to piss,whiz, and pee
Remember the Pee Thief
A great man was he

Turn that into a rock ballad
....PLATINUM!

Turn that into a rock ballad
....PLATINUM!

Exactly!

Exactly!
hmm...I would have to find a good band to do it

hmm...I would have to find a good band to do it


make sure they're good.

Send the idea to "Weird Al" Yankovic. I'm sure he could come up with something. ;)
Or Zappa could've ... not new territory for that guy. *nods*

The Illinois Enema Bandit (as featured on the live in NYC album)
...

"And now folks it's time for Don Pardo to deliver our special illinois enema bandit-type announcement take it away, Don"

(Pardo)"This is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around chicago
This is the story of michael kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery

It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael kenyon
The illinois enema bandit!" (end Pardo)

The illinois enema bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(they'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice

The illinois enema bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The illinois enema bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "you're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The d.a. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "no poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin' "don't nobody have no sympathy...
Hot soap water in the first degree!"
And then the bandit might say, "why is everybody looking' at me?"

Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this kinda misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Now, one girl shout: "let the bandit be!"

Bandit are you guilty?
Bandit are you guilty? tell me now, what's
Your plea?
Another girl shout: "let the fiend go free!"
Are you guilty? bandit, did you do these deeds?
The bandit say, "it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
(Etc. repeat)

Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema
(Repeat...)

-------
And yes i've played this on my show.
And no, i did not play "Catholic Girls" (yet) or "Keep It Greasy"

Or Zappa could've ... not new territory for that guy. *nods*

The Illinois Enema Bandit (as featured on the live in NYC album)
...

"And now folks it's time for Don Pardo to deliver our special illinois enema bandit-type announcement take it away, Don"

(Pardo)"This is a true story
About a famous criminal
From right around chicago
This is the story of michael kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment
For the crime of armed robbery

It so happened, that at the time of the robbery
Michael, decided to give his female victims
A little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael kenyon
The illinois enema bandit!" (end Pardo)

The illinois enema bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(they'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla the illinois enema bandit juice

The illinois enema bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The illinois enema bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "you're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The d.a. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "no poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin' "don't nobody have no sympathy...
Hot soap water in the first degree!"
And then the bandit might say, "why is everybody looking' at me?"

Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this kinda misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Now, one girl shout: "let the bandit be!"

Bandit are you guilty?
Bandit are you guilty? tell me now, what's
Your plea?
Another girl shout: "let the fiend go free!"
Are you guilty? bandit, did you do these deeds?
The bandit say, "it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
"it must be just what they all needs..."
(Etc. repeat)

Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema
Enema
(Repeat...)

-------
And yes i've played this on my show.
And no, i did not play "Catholic Girls" (yet) or "Keep It Greasy"

LMAO oh frank zappa, what would we do without "Butt Town"?

LMAO oh frank zappa, what would we do without "Butt Town"?
Ah, what indeed?
:eek:
Is there another name for that? I ain't findin' it.