NationStates Jolt Archive

This dude needs to lay off the Emo, and like get laid. I wonder when it was that he realized that if he nailed one of his hands down, that he wasn't going to be capable of nailing the other down. There probably isn't a contest for a pathetic attempt (and failure) at acheiving a Darwin Award, but one needs to be created, and this guy should be this year's winner.


HARTLAND, ME — A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room, the Bangor Daily News reported.

Somerset County Sheriff Barry DeLong said Monday that no charges will be filed. "There is no crime here," he said.

Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been "seeing pictures of God on the computer." He told them he had not seen the hit movie "The Passion of the Christ," which depicts the Crucifixion of Jesus.

Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.

Hartland Fire Department members responded, said Boucher, and cut off the wood while it was still attached to the man's hand. The wood and the victim were taken to Sebasticook Valley Hospital, where the nail was removed.

Boucher said he did not know whether the man received further treatment.

Would it be cruel if I LOL'ed at this?

Thta's just....too funny :p .

Trying to nail yourself to a cross, it would be awesome if you succeeded in it without using any further tools. You'd have to have a very flexible tongue :rolleyes: .

Would it be cruel if I LOL'ed at this?

I think it would actually be the right thing to do :P.

I wonder when it was that he realized that if he nailed one of his hands down, that he wasn't going to be capable of nailing the other down.
I always read the articles before poster's comments, and the moment I read its first sentence I thought 'hang on, what about his last hand?'...

Having said that, I'm sure you could hold a nail and hammer in your hand in such a way that by throwing it hard against the surface the nail would go through.

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWLING in my SKKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIN

This GUUUUUUUUUUUUUY should listen to Huey Lewis and the NEEEEEEWWWWWWWS

Even more Emo

Emo Phillips Quotes


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Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.

..and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil.

I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse."

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

People come up to me and they're worried...that I'll reproduce.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye...and dragged it fifteen feet.

I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor." The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?"

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky---but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."

Emo Phillips was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, Emo was asked if he knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. His reply: "I don't know, reelection to the Senate?"

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks.

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off me, you two!"

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family."

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. so i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said "If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference."

A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.

You know what I hate? Indian givers...no, I take that back.

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, "Why limit yourselves?"

People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid...and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

Oh, yes...I've tried my hand at sex. .

Would it be cruel if I LOL'ed at this?

Lord knows, I am. :D

What a poor guy although i'm glad he found God in the internet, he must have been hiding behind a $9.95/min downlod of the latest bunny girls or something. I don't know, i mean does anybody get beyond that on the internet?

liiiiiiiiink!

pwease? *puppy dog eyes*

Sorry

http://www.kron4.com/Global/story.asp?S=1715304&nav=5D7lLZIu

Even more Emo

YAY! :D

This was covered in the first episode of the Young Ones. People never learn...

Ouch.

Would it be cruel if I LOL'ed at this?


I expected like a "what a fuckstick." from you.;)

Would it be cruel if I LOL'ed at this?
Hahaha I don't blame you, I did, too.

Heck, if I was there I woulda helped nail his other hand down. :cool: xDxD

Reminds me of my serial killer plot in which he crucifies his victims in order to ascend himself back into heaven in some type of blood ritual.

Reminds me of my serial killer plot in which he crucifies his victims in order to ascend himself back into heaven in some type of blood ritual.

Wasn't that Dick Cheney?

did they by any chance do a drug test?

This dude needs to lay off the Emo, and like get laid. I wonder when it was that he realized that if he nailed one of his hands down, that he wasn't going to be capable of nailing the other down. There probably isn't a contest for a pathetic attempt (and failure) at acheiving a Darwin Award, but one needs to be created, and this guy should be this year's winner.
There's a very important lesson in emergency medial procedure to be learned here: if someone has an impaled object, such as a nail or a knife, still in place, do NOT take it out. Doing so will cause more bleeding and may cause more tissue and/or organ damage.

Other than that, this guy is certifiable!

Wasn't that Dick Cheney?
No, but it may have been your SO. You showed up again dressed in mud and she went off the deep end. :D

No, but it may have been your SO. You showed up again dressed in mud and she went off the deep end. :D

Oh, please. I show up to ONE wedding covered in mud, and I'm branded for life. :rolleyes:

There's a very important lesson in emergency medial procedure to be learned here: if someone has an impaled object, such as a nail or a knife, still in place, do NOT take it out. Doing so will cause more bleeding and may cause more tissue and/or organ damage.

Other than that, this guy is certifiable!

I think the really important lesson here is that crucifixion is a task that requires a friend. So all you emos out there go make some friends before you attempt to nail yourself to a cross, or invest in some chloroform before you attempt to nail a friend to a cross.

Oh, please. I show up to ONE wedding covered in mud, and I'm branded for life. :rolleyes:
[ looks at the Bench ] The prosecution rests, Your Honor! :D

Not a suicide attempt, just a grab for attention. *shakes head*

[ looks at the Bench ] The prosecution rests, Your Honor! :D

The court finds in favour of Eut. Goofballs is required to do 48 hours of Eutrusca Service or 57.652 years in a carboard box.
*bangs hammer thingy furiously*

Wasn't that Dick Cheney?

Based off him.

Cheer up emo guy from the news in the OP! At least you're not dead! :D

Heck, if I was there I woulda helped nail his other hand down. :cool: xDxD

I'd have dressed him up as Jesus to do it though.

Would it be cruel if I LOL'ed at this?


you can LMFAO. That's what i'm doing.

The saddest part of this article is not what it says about people (there will always be people who are mentally challenged and there always have been, this isnt unusual). The saddest part of the article is the reminder it provides us of the media's quest for sensationalism at the cost of the truth. Like they do every time a kid shoots up a high school, the media went digging for something more sensational than what actually happened. They actually asked the guy if he had watched The Passion of the Christ! He hadn't, so they were unable to run this with the headline "Man nails hand to cross in an attempt to imitate The Passion of the Christ". But even though they couldnt conceivably link the two, that didnt stop them from throwing it in anyway just to plant it in people's heads that the popularity of this movie could still have something to do with it. Mentally challenged individuals are part of nature, but there is no excuse for this kind of garbage "news" reporting.

Firstly, damn, damn funny. Kinda reminiscent of the Lollapolooza picture from the mid-90's, but less politival, more hysterical.:p

Self-depreciating I am well aware, but are we aware if he claimed it was a "fashion statement" afterwards? I have.

Heck, if I was there I woulda helped nail his other hand down. :cool: xDxD

Wow, how's that for a first post?

(puppet, anyone?)