NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I ended up watching Underworld last night.

Big mistake.

Any chance of getting those two hours back?

You could stay up an extra two hours one day.

No, unless you go to Africa. Time has been expelled from there as a European invention.

So, I ended up watching Underworld last night.

Big mistake.

Any chance of getting those two hours back?

You could go watch a good movie while destroying a copy of underworld.

No, unless you go to Africa. Time has been expelled from there as a European invention.

The name 'Africa' is also a European invention, but doubtless that has already been raised in the appropriate thread.

The name 'Africa' is also a European invention, but doubtless that has already been raised in the appropriate thread.

Nooooooooooo!

So, I ended up watching Underworld last night.

Big mistake.

Any chance of getting those two hours back?

The first one or the new one?

Kudos for most original subject line.

The first one or the new one?

The first one. I have absolutely no intention of prolonging my sufferings by subjecting myself to more of the same.

Don't worry, the new one's shit as well.

The first one. I have absolutely no intention of prolonging my sufferings by subjecting myself to more of the same.

Just curious.

WTF? Kate Beckinsale in tight PVC pants, and you didn't like it?

Shocking.

WTF? Kate Beckinsale in tight PVC pants, and you didn't like it?

Shocking.

As I stated before seeing the film: Christopher Lee didn't need a studded leather posing pouch to go about his grisly business.

I'm sorry, but when the dark forces that walk by night are all costumed like 14 year old mall-goths or rejects from a rubber fetishist's video I find it hard to take them seriously.


As for the male vampires - Byron without the club foot, the keeping of monkeys, the swimming of the Hellespont, the writing poetry, the stirring up of revolutions is pretty dull. I'm sorry but a chap having long wavy hair just doesn't strike either terror, fascination or sexual raptures into me.

Some of the werewolf bit players had pretty good sideburns, I'll give you that, but that's probably about the most charitable I can be about the whole film.

As I stated before seeing the film: Christopher Lee didn't need a studded leather posing pouch to go about his grisly business.

I agree. Enough of this neo-goth crap. I propose a return of the Victorian, Dracula-esque vampire film.

I agree. Enough of this neo-goth crap. I propose a return of the Victorian, Dracula-esque vampire film.

I'm not really tied to the pseudo-Victorian vampire film - if nothing else they have a tendency to ignore one of the main threads of Dracula: his desire to learn modern technology - there have been plenty of films which have escaped from that heritage and done something interesting with it. Frex, Near Dark, Martin, even From Dusk Till Dawn. Sure, they're not all flawless masterpieces, but they ain't just banal exercises in pushing alienated teenagers' buttons either.

A sign I look out for in films these days: Tank Girl boots. Always a bad, bad sign of things much worse to come. That and trenchcoats which are not worn by 1940s private detectives. Add katanas and submachineguns to the mix and you know you are facing one real abortion of a movie.

I'm not really tied to the pseudo-Victorian vampire film - if nothing else they have a tendency to ignore one of the main threads of Dracula: his desire to learn modern technology - there have been plenty of films which have escaped from that heritage and done something interesting with it. Frex, Near Dark, Martin, even From Dusk Till Dawn. Sure, they're not all flawless masterpieces, but they ain't just banal exercises in pushing alienated teenager's buttons either.

Pah! Bella Lugosi, Christopher Lee, Gary Oldman...Now those guys knew what they were doing.

Pah! Bella Lugosi, Christopher Lee, Gary Oldman...Now those guys knew what they were doing.

No, no, no: I have nothing against the pseudo-Victorian vampire films. I'm just saying I am not demanding that all vampire films stick to that formula.

No, no, no: I have nothing against the pseudo-Victorian vampire films. I'm just saying I am not demanding that all vampire films stick to that formula.

I agree...I just like the classics better. :D

As I stated before seeing the film: Christopher Lee didn't need a studded leather posing pouch to go about his grisly business.

I'm sorry, but when the dark forces that walk by night are all costumed like 14 year old mall-goths or rejects from a rubber fetishist's video I find it hard to take them seriously.


As for the male vampires - Byron without the club foot, the keeping of monkeys, the swimming of the Hellespont, the writing poetry, the stirring up of revolutions is pretty dull. I'm sorry but a chap having long wavy hair just doesn't strike either terror, fascination or sexual raptures into me.

Some of the werewolf bit players had pretty good sideburns, I'll give you that, but that's probably about the most charitable I can be about the whole film.


Ah, well, see that's your problem. You are watching the movie for the wrong reasons. You wanted to see a vampire movie, not kate beckinsale's arse. Therein lies your problem.

Though now that I think of it, are there any good vampire movies apart from 'shadow of the vampire'?

WTF? Kate Beckinsale in tight PVC pants, and you didn't like it?

Shocking.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, any man who watches a movie just to see a hot chick is an asshat. This is why God invented porn.

Ah, well, see that's your problem. You are watching the movie for the wrong reasons. You wanted to see a vampire movie, not kate beckinsale's arse. Therein lies your problem.

Though now that I think of it, are there any good vampire movies apart from 'shadow of the vampire'?

As BWO stated earlier, "From Dusk 'Till Dawn" is a good one, as is IMO "John Carpenter's Vampires", and "An Interview with a Vampire". And for your information, the latter's sequel, "Queen of the Damned", sucked major ass.

Ah, well, see that's your problem. You are watching the movie for the wrong reasons. You wanted to see a vampire movie, not kate beckinsale's arse. Therein lies your problem.

Two hours and twenty something minutes of complete and utter arse.

Though now that I think of it, are there any good vampire movies apart from 'shadow of the vampire'?


I do have a soft spot for Near Dark, although it does start to go off the rails somewhat in the last half an hour. It had characters I could care about for the duration of the film, and interesting take on vampires and a pretty quality Tangerine Dream soundtrack.

As far as written vampire stories go, I guess the best ones I've read recently are I Am Legend and some of Kim Newman's media-savvy alternate history series such as Anno Dracula and connected short stories.

I liked Fright Night. But then again, I'm a goofball. :p

So, I ended up watching Underworld last night.

Big mistake.

Any chance of getting those two hours back?


I felt exactly the same when I saw Magnolia.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, any man who watches a movie just to see a hot chick is an asshat. This is why God invented porn.

*shrugs* I have a highly developed sense of aesthetics, these things aren't fungible for me. But if Kate is ever in a poern, I'll no doubt watch that too. (Unless she's all skanky old at that point).

I'm somewhat surprised that no one has yet leapt forward to defend the film. It obviously was successful enough in purely financial terms to generate a sequal, yet everybody here has panned it (although some have lauded Beckinsale's arse as a fantastic supporting character). Someone somewhere must have liked it.

I'm somewhat surprised that no one has yet leapt forward to defend the film. It obviously was successful enough in purely financial terms to generate a sequal, yet everybody here has panned it (although some have lauded Beckinsale's arse as a fantastic supporting character). Someone somewhere must have liked it.

Like you said, it appealed to the gothic trenchcoat chumps. Have you SEEN the size of that population?

I'm somewhat surprised that no one has yet leapt forward to defend the film. It obviously was successful enough in purely financial terms to generate a sequal, yet everybody here has panned it (although some have lauded Beckinsale's arse as a fantastic supporting character). Someone somewhere must have liked it.I doubt it. Read a rave reveiw of the second installment though, so I had to walk out on that.

If you thought the first one was bad, just be thankful you've not seen the second. Pointless, annoying shite.

Generally speaking though, I completely agree with you. Longhaired pansies aren't scary, beguiling or anything else of the sort - and that's comming from someone who likes men.
They're creepy in a way, but that's because they make one think of black-clad teenagers flirting with depression & suicide as a fashion statement. Not exactly what I'd associate with Vampires.

But you're right. Neither one of us should act all surprised after seeing the posters. Goth outfits & ninja swords really should have set the alarm clocks ringing.

Watch Jesus Christ: Vampire Killer instead. It's brilliant.

Someone somewhere must have liked it.

Beckinsale's husband presumably liked it. Though he directed it and was probably looking for an excuse to get his wife into tight PVC. Twice.

What that implies about their homelife I'll let you decide

Any chance of getting those two hours back?

You could try travelling closer to the speed of light for a while.

Though you won't *actually* get the two hours back.

Beckinsale's husband presumably liked it. Though he directed it and was probably looking for an excuse to get his wife into tight PVC. Twice.

What that infers about their homelife I'll let you decide

'Implies' rather than 'infers', shurely?

'Implies' rather than 'infers', shurely?

Yep.

Knew the word I was looking for began with "I."

Beckinsale's husband presumably liked it. Though he directed it and was probably looking for an excuse to get his wife into tight PVC. Twice.

What that infers about their homelife I'll let you decide

If I were her husband, I wouldn't waste my days making bad vampire movies.