NationStates Jolt Archive

got this in email, thought it was funny, originally for another forum I frequent but I modified it for us.........


How many Generalites does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how
the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing
light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the
correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please
take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior,
where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best
for this technique and what brands are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to
this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety
including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting
questions about light bulbs."

Three to tell a funny story about their cat and a light bulb.

AND

One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now with
something unrelated they found at snopes.com and start it all over again!

now......do you know any good "how many <blank> does it take jokes?

nothing rude or flame/trollish please:)

The last one is definently right. I remember the last time this was posted.

You forgot linking to a Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightbulb

The last one is definently right. I remember the last time this was posted.
pardon me for not being around for very long...........it's been more than 6 months ago I am almost sure............maybe........

hehe very good :P

pardon me for not being around for very long...........it's been more than 6 months ago I am almost sure............maybe........Don't worry, it's part of the joke.

You forgot linking to a Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightbulb
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=lightbulb&btnG=Google+Search Hmph! This Is Much Better Way To Find Stuff On Lightbulbs!

I don't think we've ever gone so far as to change a lightbulb. We talk about the lightbulb, and the need for it to be replaced, and how nice it would be if there was an actually working lightbulb, and some people going "lighbulb? wtf?", etc.
But to actually accomplish something like changing the lightbulb, I think that goes against forum rules.

Don't worry, it's part of the joke.
yeah, I was playing the part of the "offended for no good reason throw a fit Generalite" I didn't finish by reporting you to the Mods for no good reason though out of fear (of the Mods)

Nothing on the net ever dies does it? This thing has been kicking around in one form or another since at least '97.

I don't think we've ever gone so far as to change a lightbulb. We talk about the lightbulb, and the need for it to be replaced, and how nice it would be if there was an actually working lightbulb, and some people going "lighbulb? wtf?", etc.
But to actually accomplish something like changing the lightbulb, I think that goes against forum rules.
You (and Smunkee) forgot about the two posters who will argue that the light bulb is perfectly fine the way it is and that there is no reason to change it, and the four posters who will argue against the whole idea of "lightbulbs" as a sign of modern corruption that we would be better without.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=lightbulb&btnG=Google+Search Hmph! This Is Much Better Way To Find Stuff On Lightbulbs!
You spelled it wrong! ;)
http://static.flickr.com/29/98115958_8358482b84.jpg

You (and Smunkee) forgot about the two posters who will argue that the light bulb is perfectly fine the way it is and that there is no reason to change it, and the four posters who will argue against the whole idea of "lightbulbs" as a sign of modern corruption that we would be better without.
And the poster who says that the lightbulb was fine until America messed with it.

Oh, And The Poster Who Will Put A Picture Of Very Wrong Things Happening To A Lightbulb.

Light bulbs turn me on.

Light bulbs turn me on.
Exactly.

You forgot linking to a Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lightbulb
Information in the Wikipedia on light bulbs is unreliable. :D

or the poster who rants about the current shortage of lightbulbs and how everything would be fine if we stupid capitalists weren't around to "overcharge the underprivilaged for lightbulbs"



that went a little to far right?

How many gorillas does it take to change a lightbulb?


Only one. But it takes one hell of a lot of lightbulbs! :D

I'd like to see proof that the light actually comes from the bulb. You can't disprove that it comes from luminous elves.

Information in the Wikipedia on light bulbs is unreliable. :D
LOL, good one. :p

You forget the poster who will ask whether the light bulb was Incandescent (sp?) Flourescent, or Halogen. It will take four mour posters at least to ask "wtf is the difference between the three?" and afterwards another poster to explain the difference between light bulb types.

I'd like to see proof that the light actually comes from the bulb. You can't disprove that it comes from luminous elves.

But you can't prove that it DOES come from the luminous elves either.

You forget the poster who will ask whether the light bulb was Incandescent (sp?) Flourescent, or Halogen. It will take four mour posters at least to ask "wtf is the difference between the three?" and afterwards another poster to explain the difference between light bulb types.
And don't forget the three "scientific types" who will use that question to explain quantum theory. :)

Bah, check out this new European lightbulb...

Bah, check out this new European lightbulb...
Does it contain the seeds of its own revolution? :D

Does it contain the seeds of its own revolution? :D
Oh, it contains all sorts of seeds. It's a very manly, bulging lightbulb.

Light bulbs turn me on.

Oh yeah, I agree.

Oh, it contains all sorts of seeds. It's a very manly, bulging lightbulb.

I bet my light bulb is manlier, bulgier, and seedier than that European one!

You forget the poster who will ask whether the light bulb was Incandescent (sp?) Flourescent, or Halogen. It will take four mour posters at least to ask "wtf is the difference between the three?" and afterwards another poster to explain the difference between light bulb types.
And we all forgot the poster who would appear to tell us that we forgot Poland, because that reference never gets old. Even after the 507th goddamn time.

And we all forgot the poster who would appear to tell us that we forgot Poland, because that reference never gets old. Even after the 507th goddamn time.

Ugh. ;)

You need your own little description! NS General would not be complete without our own H N Fiddlebottoms VIII.

And we all forgot the poster who would appear to tell us that we forgot Poland, because that reference never gets old. Even after the 507th goddamn time.

As well as the poster who says that the effort required to screw in a lightbulb could have been averted if we didn't invade Iraq and if Bush was impeached?

Oh, it contains all sorts of seeds. It's a very manly, bulging lightbulb.
LOL! :D

You need your own little description! NS General would not be complete without our own H N Fiddlebottoms VIII.
I cannot be described, nor may an effigy of me be created. Such an occurence would, almost certainly, result in idolatry as thousands of people sought to worship me, instead of the lust for power that I represent.
No, I am afraid that such an attempt would result in riots, both on my part, and on the part of any bums who I manage to hire and help me.

I cannot be described, nor may an effigy of me be created. Such an occurence would, almost certainly, result in idolatry as thousands of people sought to worship me, instead of the lust for power that I represent.
No, I am afraid that such an attempt would result in riots, both on my part, and on the part of any bums who I manage to hire and help me.

*gasp*

I don't think I can allow you to be in my army (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9885206&postcount=77) anymore.....;)

No matter how amazing the cookies (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9885300&postcount=80)

Light bulbs turn me on.
In soviet union light bulbs turn you on!! :p :D

*gasp*

I don't think I can allow you to be in my army (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9885206&postcount=77) anymore.....;)

No matter how amazing the cookies (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9885300&postcount=80)
Wait, you not only remembered that conversation, but you remembered where to find it? I'm not sure whether to be creeped out, flattered, turned on or impressed.
Or maybe I should try a combination.
Anyway having an indescribable avatar of naked ambition in your army could be nothing but good. All the best conquerers had one, and most society clubs for cult leaders require you to have at least one, sometimes two, before they consider you for membership.

A few questions....
Where was the light bulb manufactured?
Is it under Warranty?
Where is it to be installed?
Who will install the light bulb?
What is its Wattage?
Is it Eco Friendly?
Is it 2nd Hand?
How much did it cost?
Can i have a light bulb?
Is it a UV lightbulb?
Will somenone say UV is not Light?
is it on right now?

Wait, you not only remembered that conversation, but you remembered where to find it? I'm not sure whether to be creeped out, flattered, turned on or impressed.
Or maybe I should try a combination.
Anyway having an indescribable avatar of naked ambition in your army could be nothing but good. All the best conquerers had one, and most society clubs for cult leaders require you to have at least one, sometimes two, before they consider you for membership.

I only vaguely remembered it, which is why I had to find it. I wasn't sure if it was cookies or pie I was offering for your allegiance. But I see now it was cookies, and apparently they were amazing. :)

(These are for theatre students)

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's the stagemanagers job.

How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to do it, one child to cry, and another to shout "Look! They're changing the lightbulb!!"

More at stageagent.com

A few questions....
Where was the light bulb manufactured?
Is it under Warranty?
Where is it to be installed?
Who will install the light bulb?
What is its Wattage?
Is it Eco Friendly?
Is it 2nd Hand?
How much did it cost?
Can i have a light bulb?
Is it a UV lightbulb?
Will somenone say UV is not Light?
is it on right now?
The answer to all of these questions, and more, can be found in the space below. For those of you who don't want to lose all the suspense in the matter, I would advise not highlighting the passage below. In fact, just to be sure you don't accidentally absorb the knowledge, you should turn off the computer, go outside and take a walk. Listen to some Rammstein while you do.
Now, without further adue, the answer:
Jump in front of a truck, yeh damned pedant, and quit asking unnesseccary questions.

Wait, you not only remembered that conversation, but you remembered where to find it? I'm not sure whether to be creeped out, flattered, turned on or impressed.
Or maybe I should try a combination.
Anyway having an indescribable avatar of naked ambition in your army could be nothing but good. All the best conquerers had one, and most society clubs for cult leaders require you to have at least one, sometimes two, before they consider you for membership.
I think you should be turnedon. Nothing bad ever happens when you are turned on. Just look at Bill Clinton...ok, bad example...

(These are for theatre students)

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's the stagemanagers job.

For the theatre techies:
It then takes the lighting technician to bitch out the stagemanager for touching the bulb with his bare hands, thus causing it to explode mid-show.

For the theatre techies:
It then takes the lighting technician to bitch out the stagemanager for touching the bulb with his bare hands, thus causing it to explode mid-show.
Why In Hell Did You Revive This? Shit...

Why In Hell Did You Revive This? Shit...
It doesn't count as a revival if the thread has been quiet for less than 24 hours. Some people have lives away from the computer, and that means that they might even be away from their computer for a good portion of the day.

? I Thought This Thread Was Quiet For Well Over 24 Hours. Guess I'm Wrong.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb/light bulb?

...

A fish.

The answer to all of these questions, and more, can be found in the space below. For those of you who don't want to lose all the suspense in the matter, I would advise not highlighting the passage below. In fact, just to be sure you don't accidentally absorb the knowledge, you should turn off the computer, go outside and take a walk. Listen to some Rammstein while you do.
Now, without further adue, the answer:
Jump in front of a truck, yeh damned pedant, and quit asking unnesseccary questions.
I'll take that as a solution and not an answer it falls short of being final at all so it interests me little.

You spelled it wrong! ;)
http://static.flickr.com/29/98115958_8358482b84.jpg
Uh oh... I see where this is going...

What about the six posters who join a cult centering around light bulbs, and then the five posters who flame the six posters, and then the two posters who delete the five posters, and then the ten posters who point and laugh at the five posters, and then the three posters who delete the ten posters, and...

;)

You forgot the specifics:

Deep Kimchi takes the light bulb story and tries to seque it into another discussion on Nuclear Energy.

Eutrusca find an article that clearly shows that it was democrat lightbulb, was improperly installed, and this shows clear evidence of Liberals incompetence. Nazz takes up the challenge and blames Republicans for the light bulb burning out because they just wouldn't stop pestering it by flicking the switch and screaming "Luminescence is on the march!!!".

Cat Tribe backs up Nazz with 32 links to credible articles on the subject.

And the Canadian, Aussie, and European posters point and laugh at the silly Americans for not yet switching to long-lasting, power saving, compact flourescents.

Enter a discussion on Kyoto with a mix of how this single incandescent bulb is indiciticive of just how full of shit the State of the Union address was relating to "breaking the oil addiction".

Eventually the discussion of the lightbulb is completely gone from the thread, and all that's left is some wierd discussion on Emo that no-one can remember how it got started.

But then some one-post schmuck chimes in with the point that if God had wanted us to have light he would have made the sun set to begin with.... and we're off again...

You forgot the specifics:

Deep Kimchi takes the light bulb story and tries to seque it into another discussion on Nuclear Energy.

Eutrusca find an article that clearly shows that it was democrat lightbulb, was improperly installed, and this shows clear evidence of Liberals incompetence. Nazz takes up the challenge and blames Republicans for the light bulb burning out because they just wouldn't stop pestering it by flicking the switch and screaming "Luminescence is on the march!!!".

Cat Tribe backs up Nazz with 32 links to credible articles on the subject.

And the Canadian, Aussie, and European posters point and laugh at the silly Americans for not yet switching to long-lasting, power saving, compact flourescents.

Enter a discussion on Kyoto with a mix of how this single incandescent bulb is indiciticive of just how full of shit the State of the Union address was relating to "breaking the oil addiction".

Eventually the discussion of the lightbulb is completely gone from the thread, and all that's left is some wierd discussion on Emo that no-one can remember how it got started.

But then some one-post schmuck chimes in with the point that if God had wanted us to have light he would have made the sun set to begin with.... and we're off again...
its so true... *wipes tear from eye* :p

though you forgot the small army of noobs and trolls pervading the entire sequence of events, required so slow everything up and just piss everyone off...

its so true... *wipes tear from eye* :p

though you forgot the small army of noobs and trolls pervading the entire sequence of events, required so slow everything up and just piss everyone off...
And all the gun smilies, flaming, and moderator locks. :D

you forgot the small army of noobs and trolls pervading the entire sequence of events, required so slow everything up and just piss everyone off...


Sorry - I assumed that they were a given.... lol.

I only vaguely remembered it, which is why I had to find it. I wasn't sure if it was cookies or pie I was offering for your allegiance. But I see now it was cookies, and apparently they were amazing. :)

Whoa whoa whoa... Aerou's forming an army? Hell I'll join. I'm not in med school, but my dad's a doctor, my mums a dietician and my brother's at uni doing a degree in cell biology if that's any help. Maybe I could be a standard bearer or something if I'm not allowed in the rank-and-file.

Incidentally, what sort of cookies?

We forgot the poll concerning lightbulbs. I would vote 'myrth'

You forgot the 12 creepy people to come in and make sexual innuendoes about lights and bulbs and what have you....*wink*

You forgot the 12 creepy people to come in and make sexual innuendoes about lights and bulbs and what have you....*wink*
Which reminds me ...

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four.

One to screw in the lightbulb. One to chant while it's being screwed in. One to begin a cult about screwing in lightbulbs. And one to give a running commentary on the spirituality of the experience.

Whoa whoa whoa... Aerou's forming an army? Hell I'll join. I'm not in med school, but my dad's a doctor, my mums a dietician and my brother's at uni doing a degree in cell biology if that's any help. Maybe I could be a standard bearer or something if I'm not allowed in the rank-and-file.

Incidentally, what sort of cookies?

Hooray! My army is growing everyday! And the cookies would have to be a mix of cookies I suppose, not everyone likes the same cookies. But I assure you, no matter what kind of cookies they are, they're great.