NationStates Jolt Archive

So we go out on two dates and have a great time both times, he spent the night on our last one and stayed over most of the next day and when he left things seemed to be good. Hell, there was even talk of future meetings...

And then he doesn't call or answer his phone or even show up to class all week.

wtf?

He's really sick?

So we go out on two dates and have a great time both times, he spent the night on our last one and stayed over most of the next day and when he left things seemed to be good. Hell, there was even talk of future meetings...

And then he doesn't call or answer his phone or even show up to class all week.

wtf?

I smell world wide jewish consipracy. :p

Why wouldn't he answer the phone then?

He came to class today, but only one class and that's because we had a test, he left before I finished...

So we go out on two dates and have a great time both times, he spent the night on our last one and stayed over most of the next day and when he left things seemed to be good. Hell, there was even talk of future meetings...

And then he doesn't call or answer his phone or even show up to class all week.

wtf?

He's a jerk?

Or possibly not, I don't have a lot of information to work with here... were you really looking for a response or is this just your pressure-release-safety-valve thread to keep you from biting someone's head off in frustration in RL?

He's a jerk?

Or possibly not, I don't have a lot of information to work with here... were you really looking for a response or is this just your pressure-release-safety-valve thread to keep you from biting someone's head off in frustration in RL?
Well, I'm somewhat pissed off and can't talk to many people about it (people at my school like to gossip) so somewhat advice (I don't think he's a jerk...) and I'm also terribly confused by these actions.

So we go out on two dates and have a great time both times, he spent the night on our last one and stayed over most of the next day and when he left things seemed to be good. Hell, there was even talk of future meetings... And then he doesn't call or answer his phone or even show up to class all week. wtf?

Mistake #1: He spent the night.
Mistake #2: You assume that if he doesn't call you it's because he doesn't like you.
Mistake #3: You assume that the world revolves around you.
Mistake #4: Did it ever occur to you that you should be worried about him rather than about yourself?

Mistake #1: He spent the night.
Mistake #2: You assume that if he doesn't call you it's because he doesn't like you.
Mistake #3: You assume that the world revolves around you.
Mistake #4: Did it ever occur to you that you should be worried about him rather than about yourself?
I was worried about him, but then I saw him briefly today so that rules out the "he's in the hospital" excuse for not calling or answering the phone. I left a message, so he knows that I called too...
I suppose he could have a lot going on now and is just really busy. It does seem a bit rude not to return phone calls promptly though.

Also, I don't see how him spending the night was a mistake, I liked having him here.

Maybe he just doesn't like you that much and was trying to be polite.

Why give him the satisfaction of getting upset.

Move on.

You want to drive him nuts? Then don't be affected by it. Confidence is a highly attractive quality. ;)

Maybe he just doesn't like you that much and was trying to be polite.
Being polite would have been telling me so. Also, that's some damn good acting if he didn't like me.

Why give him the satisfaction of getting upset.

Move on.

You want to drive him nuts? Then don't be affected by it. Confidence is a highly attractive quality. ;)
Well, I am going out with friends tomorrow dressed as a schoolgirl... I'm sure I'll have no shortage of attention or reason to forget.

Also, I don't see how him spending the night was a mistake, I liked having him here.

If you f*cked him, then the answer to why he's outta yer life is obvious. If you didn't.. who knows. Doesn't sound like you give a cr-p about the guy anyway. I think maybe he realized that.

Why give him the satisfaction of getting upset.

Move on.

You want to drive him nuts? Then don't be affected by it. Confidence is a highly attractive quality. ;)Yeah, I'd agree. Make it appear that you're no longer bothered; if he genuinely likes you and is worth your time, he can come to you.

To be fair, I know that's easy to say when you want (and deserve) answers for this really annoying behaviour. Maybe try it for a bit, and if in a while he still hasn't explained, make a point of grabbing him in or after class and engage in a bit of small talk, then casually throw it into the conversation.

Good luck.

Being polite would have been telling me so. Also, that's some damn good acting if he didn't like me.
I said he was trying to, not that he was. It's not like guys know what to do in every situation, you know.

And yes, guys will give you attention, and they will take sex. Doesn't mean they really really like you.

He's a jerk is my response.

Hmm. Either he has something else heavily weighing on his mind, he's really, really busy, or his mind doesn't work like mine does.

Ooh, let me add to that that he may somehow be embarrassed or ashamed of something that happened between the two of you that you aren't aware of.

Well, I'm somewhat pissed off and can't talk to many people about it (people at my school like to gossip) so somewhat advice (I don't think he's a jerk...) and I'm also terribly confused by these actions.

Well, then let's just assume your "not a jerk" instinct is correct. If we do that, and noting that he spent the night and that it was the first time in a short relationship that had happened I'd lean towards "he's a guy".

Don't automatically attribute him avoiding you for a little while to him actually not wanting to see you or spend time with you. He's probably obsessing over what he should do next to avoid screwing things up and ducking contact with you until he thinks he's figured it out.

Best guess I can give you utilizing my amazing powers of remote psychoanlysis of people I've never met...

If you f*cked him, then the answer to why he's outta yer life is obvious. If you didn't.. who knows. Doesn't sound like you give a cr-p about the guy anyway. I think maybe he realized that.
:rolleyes:
We've been on two dates, I like him, I'm not in love with him, I'm not planning a wedding or some shit, I was just under the impression that the feelings are mutual and now I feel like he's avoiding me. Furthermore, we did not fuck when he spent the night. Sleeping is not sex, last I checked.

Yeah, I'd agree. Make it appear that you're no longer bothered; if he genuinely likes you and is worth your time, he can come to you.

To be fair, I know that's easy to say when you want (and deserve) answers for this really annoying behaviour. Maybe try it for a bit, and if in a while he still hasn't explained, make a point of grabbing him in or after class and engage in a bit of small talk, then casually throw it into the conversation.

Good luck.
Hard to come accross like I don't care when I never see him.

I'm not going to be calling him until he returns my call, however...

Hmm. Either he has something else heavily weighing on his mind, he's really, really busy, or his mind doesn't work like mine does.

Ooh, let me add to that that he may somehow be embarrassed or ashamed of something that happened between the two of you that you aren't aware of.
This is true. He did mention that he had family coming in later this week, perhaps he's been trying to cram a lot of work in so it's done when they arrive or something...

Well, then let's just assume your "not a jerk" instinct is correct. If we do that, and noting that he spent the night and that it was the first time in a short relationship that had happened I'd lean towards "he's a guy".

Don't automatically attribute him avoiding you for a little while to him actually not wanting to see you or spend time with you. He's probably obsessing over what he should do next to avoid screwing things up and ducking contact with you until he thinks he's figured it out.

Best guess I can give you utilizing my amazing powers of remote psychoanlysis of people I've never met...
This is also true.

I know it's stupid of me to just jump to "omg, he doesn't like me!" and I've been trying to rationalize other solutions... so I guess I'll move on in case he really doesn't like me and at the very least, it will keep my mind off it.

Furthermore, we did not fuck when he spent the night.

Ooooh ... *that's* why ... should've fucked him when you had the chance.

Ooooh ... *that's* why ... should've fucked him when you had the chance.

*HAHAHA!*

so I guess I'll move on in case he really doesn't like me and at the very least, it will keep my mind off it.
That sounds like a plan. Because you know, it really could be anything - including that he's "just not that into you", as sucky as that would be.


If you f*cked him, then the answer to why he's outta yer life is obvious.
Oh. My. God.

Words fail me.

Ooooh ... *that's* why ... should've fucked him when you had the chance.

Makes sense...hmm.

This is true. He did mention that he had family coming in later this week, perhaps he's been trying to cram a lot of work in so it's done when they arrive or something...


This is also true.

I know it's stupid of me to just jump to "omg, he doesn't like me!" and I've been trying to rationalize other solutions... so I guess I'll move on in case he really doesn't like me and at the very least, it will keep my mind off it.

All that said, if it should turn out that he really has just been ducking you as a way of trying to get rid of you you can then easily fall back on the "he's a jerk" position with ample justification. That done, nobody cares about the actions or opinions of jerks and you can celebrate getting out before you wasted any serious amount of time or emotional involvement on him.

So we go out on two dates and have a great time both times, he spent the night on our last one and stayed over most of the next day and when he left things seemed to be good. Hell, there was even talk of future meetings...

And then he doesn't call or answer his phone or even show up to class all week.

wtf?

Dead?

Oh. My. God. Words fail me.

She didn't. What I meant was that if they'd gone that far on the second date, why would he want to stick around? It would obviously mean she was loose, Which She's Not.

Seriously, maybe the guy just has some kind of problems, like maybe he's manic depressive. You may already know this, but just in case: manic depressive people alternate being high (joyful) and low (depressed) states. And the depressive side set in after your dates?

She didn't. What I meant was that if they'd gone that far on the second date, why would he want to stick around? It would obviously mean she was loose, Which She's Not.
I was referring to your comment, not to Dakini.

How anybody - a woman, to boot - can espouse a view like that is beyond me. And going around telling people they're a slut if they slept with someone "on the second date", and that, if they did, they not only deserved to be dumped but should have expected exactly that - that just makes me sick.

I was referring to your comment, not to Dakini.

How anybody - a woman, to boot - can espouse a view like that is beyond me. And going around telling people they're a slut if they slept with someone "on the second date", and that, if they did, they not only deserved to be dumped but should have expected exactly that - that just makes me sick.

It makes more sense for a woman to call another a slut than for a man to. If a man says it, he's just discouraging women to have sex - he loses out. But if a woman does it, she is attacking the competition.

It makes more sense for a woman to call another a slut than for a man to. If a man says it, he's just discouraging women to have sex - he loses out. But if a woman does it, she is attacking the competition.
:rolleyes:

:rolleyes:

I hope you realise that you really aren't making me feel wrong by doing that. You just make it look like you can't think of a proper response.

Perhaps you misread my post, and thought I was encouraging people to call others "sluts". This is not the case. I think the whole "let's hide our sexual desires" business is ridiculous. I was just explaining why I personally would expect women to call each others sluts more often than men use the term.

This thread will end in one of two ways, either it will spiral off into pointless oblivion or someone will say something so profound nobody will be able to argue with them.

My uninformed impression would be that either the guy's complicated/shy or he's a jerk, either way don't doubt yourself so much.

She didn't. What I meant was that if they'd gone that far on the second date, why would he want to stick around? It would obviously mean she was loose, Which She's Not.
I don't see how that would make me "loose" in the first place.

So we go out on two dates and have a great time both times, he spent the night on our last one and stayed over most of the next day and when he left things seemed to be good. Hell, there was even talk of future meetings...

And then he doesn't call or answer his phone or even show up to class all week.

wtf?
Hey, I can trump you on this!
I met a delightful woman just before Xmas and we hit it off immediately. Spent most of NY eve snogging. Got on famously. We kept in contact daily and went out several more times - once spent the entire day together. I suggested we do something for Chinese New Year which she enthusiastically agreed to. We decided on going to Vietnam for 4 days (her idea). Again total enthusiasm on her part. I booked the tickets (even rung her at the travel agent to double-check she was still keen - which she was), and arranged to meet her the following day to get our visas.
We met, went for a drink first and that's when she told me she didn't want to go, because 'it was too soon'.
Last I ever heard of her. Never returned my calls or txts after that.

I think her and your mate should meet.

Hey, I can trump you on this!
I met a delightful woman just before Xmas and we hit it off immediately. Spent most of NY eve snogging. Got on famously. We kept in contact daily and went out several more times - once spent the entire day together. I suggested we do something for Chinese New Year which she enthusiastically agreed to. We decided on going to Vietnam for 4 days (her idea). Again total enthusiasm on her part. I booked the tickets (even rung her at the travel agent to double-check she was still keen - which she was), and arranged to meet her the following day to get our visas.
We met, went for a drink first and that's when she told me she didn't want to go, because 'it was too soon'.
Last I ever heard of her. Never returned my calls or txts after that.

I think her and your mate should meet.
That sucks. Perhaps something happened in her life in the meantime though and she couldn't and she'll get back to you after it's calmed down?

I'm hoping that this guy will come to his senses.

I hope you realise that you really aren't making me feel wrong by doing that. You just make it look like you can't think of a proper response.

Perhaps you misread my post, and thought I was encouraging people to call others "sluts". This is not the case. I think the whole "let's hide our sexual desires" business is ridiculous. I was just explaining why I personally would expect women to call each others sluts more often than men use the term.

You're right, I did misread your post. In a way that made me not even *want* to deign it with a reply, yet pissed me off enough to put in a virtual eye-roll.

Now, wrapping my head around what you really meant, I guess I can't argue with your reasoning. Which doesn't mean I like it, obviously. If a woman wants to "attack the competition", she should at least have the decency to do so without ostensibly resorting to some kind of imaginary moral high ground. Slinging mud will get your hands dirty.

You're right, I did misread your post. In a way that made me not even *want* to deign it with a reply, yet pissed me off enough to put in a virtual eye-roll.

Now, wrapping my head around what you really meant, I guess I can't argue with your reasoning. Which doesn't mean I like it, obviously. If a woman wants to "attack the competition", she should at least have the decency to do so without ostensibly resorting to some kind of imaginary moral high ground. Slinging mud will get your hands dirty.

It's like some kind of odd message...

How anybody - a woman, to boot - can espouse a view like that is beyond me. And going around telling people they're a slut if they slept with someone "on the second date", and that, if they did, they not only deserved to be dumped but should have expected exactly that - that just makes me sick.

Who called someone a slut? You did. You're full of putting words into mouths, aren't you.

You're right, I did misread your post. In a way that made me not even *want* to deign it with a reply, yet pissed me off enough to put in a virtual eye-roll.

Now, wrapping my head around what you really meant, I guess I can't argue with your reasoning. Which doesn't mean I like it, obviously. If a woman wants to "attack the competition", she should at least have the decency to do so without ostensibly resorting to some kind of imaginary moral high ground. Slinging mud will get your hands dirty.

Society certainly has its problems. I only hope that people's unpleasant behaviour is merely a matter of environmental factors, and not an inherent property of some human beings.

Who called someone a slut? You did. You're full of putting words into mouths, aren't you.
Oh, right, you said "loose". My bad. That of course changes everything.

Who called someone a slut? You did. You're full of putting words into mouths, aren't you.
No, you just said that anyone who has sex on or before the second date is "loose" which is pretty much the same as saying they're a slut.

I was referring to your comment, not to Dakini.

How anybody - a woman, to boot - can espouse a view like that is beyond me. And going around telling people they're a slut if they slept with someone "on the second date", and that, if they did, they not only deserved to be dumped but should have expected exactly that - that just makes me sick.

wrong..yes...reality..absolutely

hate to say it,but thats how it works,when i was in school and all horny..my objective was to get laid..period.
there was not (at the time,to my knowledge..and incorrect i may add)many nice girls that would date me or allready didnot have boyfriends.
that said,keg parties were the trolling ground,young and dunb..yes..but reality.
if you went and slept with a girl after the party..more then likely she was,for lack of a better word..loose/slut(i know now..probably low self esteem or actually liked me)
but to a young guy thats trying to get laid(99.9%)you will take the sex..but no guy wants to date a slut,that everyone else has had or will have...unfair...damn right...but true
sure in the locker room you will boast about your "conquest"but you will have your balls busted to no end if you date her seriously..again..unfair..yep

like it or not...like i have told my daughter...it aint fair,it aint even close to be fair..but guys can be dogs and get patted on the back(i am guilty of it with my son..so is my wife)but a girl acts like it..she's loose or a slut.

to think otherwise is being in denial of reality(right or wrong)it is what it is.

double standard...absofuckinglutely...the way 99.9% of guys think,and i may add..girls(you know the ones that mutter and gossip..the slut)also true.

a friend of mine once opined...you know..girls just wag their ass or get touchy..and guys are under their spell...well that same power can work the other way..sorta a double edged sword if you will.

guys want a whore in bed..and a nun on the streets.

not vice a versa..and to think other is to deny human behaviour...right or wrong as it may be.

my best friends daughter..whom i am very close with..is 17/18sh

she had a high school sweat heart...since her freshman year,he went away for the summer...some older guy from down the road,started to take her out"as friends"got her drunk,and had his fun(my son beat his ass cause my boy is friends with her as well..but has a committed relationship+he is one tough sob)but the guy(21 and driving)dropped her like a hot potato,bragged to all his friends,got back to her sweatheart,he dumped her...depressed she lets some scumbag 28 yr. old guy sell her a bill of goods...gets drunk and has sex with him.
i personally kick the crap out of the guy with my friend(unfair?yes..so was what he did)

long story short..she quit school cause everyone was teasing her..the guys,and the girls all talked crap about her.

betcha the 2 guys(other then the beatings from concerned loved ones)were the toast of the bar with their buddies..and the girls all had their snickers at her exspence.

fuckin wrong and sad..yes..reality..yes

girls want to be popular,and boys want sex...but it is a fine line for girls..and once you cross that imaginary line..there is no coming back.

the guy is a class a jerk if he don't have a good reason(scared,busy,sick..etc)for not acknowledging you...

if not..you would be wise to not just sit there and let him notch his belt.i aint saying toss a drink in his face..but pull him aside,and tell him in no uncertain terms..you feel used,and if he so much as speaks of it..you will make his life miserable..ie...couldn't get erect..tiny weiner..etc.

then move on,and like someone else said..be happy you didn't invest time into a loser.

all that said..he may well have a legit reason for not calling,he may be insecure of your feelings.
pull him aside,tell him you enjoyed his company and that you feel it may be worth pursuing a relationship..but you dont want to pressure him or make it more then it was..
he may actually be intimidated and afraid he did something wrong.just avoiding discussion will only reinforce to him that he did do something wrong(if thats his issue),and make you miserable not knowing why he aint called.

good luck and talk..helps people resolve issues more then you may think;)

Society certainly has its problems. I only hope that people's unpleasant behaviour is merely a matter of environmental factors, and not an inherent property of some human beings.
Women are more likely to be catty to other women when they're most fertile.

Oh, right, you said "loose". My bad. That of course changes everything.

Yeah okay I concede. But what the heck. She's not. And if she was, you don't see why a guy would use her and move on? Happens all the time.

wrong..yes...reality..absolutely

hate to say it,but thats how it works,when i was in school and all horny..my objective was to get laid..period.
there was not (at the time,to my knowledge..and incorrect i may add)many nice girls that would date me or allready didnot have boyfriends.
that said,keg parties were the trolling ground,young and dunb..yes..but reality.
if you went and slept with a girl after the party..more then likely she was,for lack of a better word..loose/slut(i know now..probably low self esteem or actually liked me)
but to a young guy thats trying to get laid(99.9%)you will take the sex..but no guy wants to date a slut,that everyone else has had or will have...unfair...damn right...but true
sure in the locker room you will boast about your "conquest"but you will have your balls busted to no end if you date her seriously..again..unfair..yep

like it or not...like i have told my daughter...it aint fair,it aint even close to be fair..but guys can be dogs and get patted on the back(i am guilty of it with my son..so is my wife)but a girl acts like it..she's loose or a slut.

to think otherwise is being in denial of reality(right or wrong)it is what it is.

double standard...absofuckinglutely...the way 99.9% of guys think,and i may add..girls(you know the ones that mutter and gossip..the slut)also true.

a friend of mine once opined...you know..girls just wag their ass or get touchy..and guys are under their spell...well that same power can work the other way..sorta a double edged sword if you will.

guys want a whore in bed..and a nun on the streets.

not vice a versa..and to think other is to deny human behaviour...right or wrong as it may be.

my best friends daughter..whom i am very close with..is 17/18sh

she had a high school sweat heart...since her freshman year,he went away for the summer...some older guy from down the road,started to take her out"as friends"got her drunk,and had his fun(my son beat his ass cause my boy is friends with her as well..but has a committed relationship+he is one tough sob)but the guy(21 and driving)dropped her like a hot potato,bragged to all his friends,got back to her sweatheart,he dumped her...depressed she lets some scumbag 28 yr. old guy sell her a bill of goods...gets drunk and has sex with him.
i personally kick the crap out of the guy with my friend(unfair?yes..so was what he did)

long story short..she quit school cause everyone was teasing her..the guys,and the girls all talked crap about her.

betcha the 2 guys(other then the beatings from concerned loved ones)were the toast of the bar with their buddies..and the girls all had their snickers at her exspence.

fuckin wrong and sad..yes..reality..yes

girls want to be popular,and boys want sex...but it is a fine line for girls..and once you cross that imaginary line..there is no coming back.
From what I gathered of your rant, you are under the assumption that all women want commited relationships all the time and that all men want casual sex all the time (and that rape is somehow sexual instead of violence related...) and that "yes, it's not fair, but that's how it is." well, perhaps that shouldn't be how it is. Perhaps men and women should both be able to have casual sex without people looking down their noses at them. Perhaps women and men should both be held to the same standard.
And also, I know many girls who sleep around and are able to land steady boyfriends. The times, they are a-changin'.

good luck and talk..helps people resolve issues more then you may think;)
Well, if he actually returns my call, then I'll talk to him. I'm not going to keep calling him if he's not going to call me back.

snip

A long, but interesting read.

Yeah okay I concede. But what the heck. She's not. And if she was, you don't see why a guy would use her and move on? Happens all the time.
:rolleyes: Technically, if we'd had sex on the second date, we'd both be sluts by your definition.
Also, you know, some people aren't jerks...

And also, if we were both getting laid on a regular basis without any strings attached, what the hell kind of guy would walk away from that?

:rolleyes: Technically, if we'd had sex on the second date, we'd both be sluts by your definition. Also, you know, some people aren't jerks...

Yes. / Some people are Not jerks. Correct. But if he's not a jerk you would expect some sign that he was still living. Even a severely depressed person can tell someone they need some time to sort things out.

Yes. / Some people are Not jerks. Correct. But if he's not a jerk you would expect some sign that he was still living. Even a severely depressed person can tell someone they need some time to sort things out.
*sigh*
I saw him for like 10 seconds today, we had a test in a class we're both in, like I said earlier, he arrived late and I saw him walking in. He could just be very busy and not thinking "oh hey, I should let this girl I've gone on two whole dates with know that I'm alive." as he may not even think that I would be concerned... seeing as we've been on two dates, it's not like we've been dating for quite some time or something.

*sigh*
I saw him for like 10 seconds today, we had a test in a class we're both in, like I said earlier, he arrived late and I saw him walking in. He could just be very busy and not thinking "oh hey, I should let this girl I've gone on two whole dates with know that I'm alive." as he may not even think that I would be concerned... seeing as we've been on two dates, it's not like we've been dating for quite some time or something.

My advice: NAB HIM! Next time you see him, grab him aside and ask questions! (nice questions). You can't go on like this. It's not fair. Tell him something like that. I mean WTF?

My advice: NAB HIM! Next time you see him, grab him aside and ask questions! (nice questions). You can't go on like this. It's not fair. Tell him something like that. I mean WTF?
Well, I can't do that if he doesn't show up to class except to write tests, now can I?

Maybe he has an STD.

:rolleyes: Technically, if we'd had sex on the second date, we'd both be sluts by your definition.
Also, you know, some people aren't jerks...

And also, if we were both getting laid on a regular basis without any strings attached, what the hell kind of guy would walk away from that?


I know I wouldn't by god!

Well, I can't do that if he doesn't show up to class except to write tests, now can I?
I don't know. I mean, he may be a jerk and all that, and maybe that's all there is to it. But have you ever started a relationship with somebody and it gets to a point and then you think "uh oh, I don't think this is such a good idea after all" but then you don't know what to say to the other person?

Well, guys go through the same thing too. And if one is responsible and mature, then one talks. But if one is young and perhaps a bit afraid and not sure about what to do, then maybe you just won't answer the phone calls and try to disappear for a while.

It doesn't make you a bad person, of course, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Maybe he simply has second thoughts and doesn't know what to do about it. And I say this because most of the women I've known tend to make a big personal thing out of stuff like this.

And also, if we were both getting laid on a regular basis without any strings attached, what the hell kind of guy would walk away from that?

All guys would be into that? Bit of a stereotype don't you think that all men would love casual sex?

Bit of a stereotype don't you think that all men would love casual sex?

/agreed

coming from a 26 year old male.

Maybe he has an STD.

That statement makes more sense than any other in this thread.