NationStates Jolt Archive

Link (www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html)

I'm sure this has been posted sometime before, but it's so funny it just bears repeating. It's a series of editorials about the experiences of an English teacher in Japan through the JET program. And I must say, some of those kids are sick (kancho, my god what's wrong with them!?) but the guy's funny as hell.

On bad days, I'll spread my Gaijin Perimeter, and combo a Gaijin Optic Blast into a Gaijin Smash for 70% damage. And when I have meter...watch out, cause then I can cancel into Super Gaijin Smash, and there's just no coming back from that.
Let me tell you, there is nothing, NOTHING scarier than a Japanese girl with the Unleashed Furies of Hell behind her. And I say this as a large black man. If I somehow found myself in a house, and upstairs was Freddy Krueger, Jason, the masked guy from the Scream movies, Predators, Aliens, and Celine Dion singing the Titanic song, and downstairs were a group of Japanese girls going K-Groove Jack Bauer beserker mode, I'd go upstairs and take my chances. I'd actually have a remote chance of coming out of it alive.
She then asked me the question that NO man should EVER be asked from his mother, EVER.

Mom: Do you need regulars, or magnums?

This is the real reason Oedipus gouged his eyes out, and I gotta say, I felt an urge to do the same.

A week or two later the care package came, and sure enough included inside were two boxes of condoms - lubricated, and extra ribbed. While standing there, holding the condoms my mother had sent from home, I had a disturbing realization.

At some point, my Mom, while standing in the condom aisle of a drugstore buying condoms for her son, had this thought - "Hmm, now which is better? Lubricated is nice...but then again, Extra Ribbed might be fun for her....oh heck, I'll just get both!"

*ROFL* Thats fucking brilliant!

*Xiph, who is leaning on his fist to not fall out of his chair*

That is pure genius :D

The sad part is, it's all true. It's all true.

Heh. I remember when Robbie was at "Shaft" in Kokobuncho, Sendai. Some little hottie jumped on him and tonguekissed him, spitting tequila in his mouth.

He was already a little drunk, and he thought she was trying to poison him or something.

Then, she started squeeling "Me suck you hard", and he couldn't stop laughing, so she got mad and left....

The sad part is, it's all true. It's all true.
Speaking from experience? :D

Oooh, thanks for reminding me. I haven't checked that site for updates in ages. :)

Speaking from experience? :D
Being kancho'd, no. Being sexually harassed by my students, dealing with weird and random English, small town Japanese life, odd situations, and some touching moments, yes.

But not kancho'd. I still have my anal virginity. :D

Cool!

Cool!
What's cool? Getting kancho'd? :D

Gold. Gotta love it.

Hahahaha! :cool:

The sad part is, it's all true. It's all true.
ya know, for a short time, I was convinced it was you who wrote that site.

ya know, for a short time, I was convinced it was you who wrote that site.
No, not me. I'm in Northern Japan, he's in Southern, and he's a lot funnier than I am.

But a lot of JETs can ID with his editorials, usually because we've had something happen like that to us.

I've read that before. And I still want to teach English in Japan! Yes, I'm crazy.

I've read that before. And I still want to teach English in Japan! Yes, I'm crazy.
That's ok, I think being crazy is something the JET Programme looks for in its applicants.

1. Can addapt to Japanese culture? Check
2. Is interested in Japan? Check
3. Is willing to teach junior high? Check
4. Is insane enough to do all three at the same time? Check

Congratulations, you are excellent JET material. ;)

That's ok, I think being crazy is something the JET Programme looks for in its applicants.

1. Can addapt to Japanese culture? Check
2. Is interested in Japan? Check
3. Is willing to teach junior high? Check
4. Is insane enough to do all three at the same time? Check

Congratulations, you are excellent JET material. ;)

Yay!

Yay!

You crazy mofo...


...unless you enjoy young men grabbing at your dick... ;)

:D

That's ok, I think being crazy is something the JET Programme looks for in its applicants.

1. Can addapt to Japanese culture? Check
2. Is interested in Japan? Check
3. Is willing to teach junior high? Check
4. Is insane enough to do all three at the same time? Check

Congratulations, you are excellent JET material. ;)
sadly, sounds a bit like me.

and to teach jh, one must be insane. no question.

You crazy mofo...


...unless you enjoy young men grabbing at your dick... ;)

:D

And fourteen year old girls proclaiming their undying love for me. :eek:

See, I view that as a good thing, as it will train me to have sharper reflexes. Which is something I might just need if I go to work for the Foreign Service.

And fourteen year old girls proclaiming their undying love for me. :eek:
It wasn't their proclaiming their love for me that weirded me out, it was the 14-year-old girls grabbing my crotch and then giving my umbrella a hand job that was a bit off the wall and caused my sanity to fully unhindge

It wasn't their proclaiming their love for me that weirded me out, it was the 14-year-old girls grabbing my crotch and then giving my umbrella a hand job that was a bit off the wall and caused my sanity to fully unhindge

Japan, here I come.

It wasn't their proclaiming their love for me that weirded me out, it was the 14-year-old girls grabbing my crotch and then giving my umbrella a hand job that was a bit off the wall and caused my sanity to fully unhindge

I was referring to one of the pieces written by the author in the link, but... well. OK. They need to come up with a smiley face even more 'eek'-y than :eek:

I was referring to one of the pieces written by the author in the link, but... well. OK. They need to come up with a smiley face even more 'eek'-y than :eek:
Oh I know.

But I had both a girl proclaim her love for me, and then two of them do the above.

Oh I know.

But I had both a girl proclaim her love for me, and then two of them do the above.

I'll be at least 6' by the time I'm able to go to Japan. I'm white. I have long, blonde hair and blue eyes. I'll say it again...

...Japan, here I come.

I'll be at least 6' by the time I'm able to go to Japan. I'm white. I have long, blonde hair and blue eyes. I'll say it again...

...Japan, here I come.

Except it isn't legal. She'd be fourteen.

Oh I know.

But I had both a girl proclaim her love for me, and then two of them do the above.

:eek: *10^23

Except it isn't legal. She'd be fourteen.

Oh, I wouldn't do anything with a 14-year-old. That'd be sick.

However, a 14-year-old doing what you described would be fucking priceless.

Oh, I wouldn't do anything with a 14-year-old. That'd be sick.

However, a 14-year-old doing what you described would be fucking priceless.

NERVUN, I think you've got another recruit....

Except it isn't legal. She'd be fourteen.
Technically the age of concent in Japan is 13, but then again the laws are seriously screwed up so it depends more upon if the local DA likes you or not.

However, a 14-year-old doing what you described would be fucking priceless.
Priceless was NOT what I was thinking at the time. Deeply disturbing was more like it.

Hey, if anybody is heading over there, would you mind paying my DoCoMo bill?

And getting me some Meiji Almonds and a chrome folding bicycle?

Technically the age of concent in Japan is 13, but then again the laws are seriously screwed up so it depends more upon if the local DA likes you or not.

Note to self: Invite local ADA to nearby pub for drinks... offer to lend him/her complete collection of LAW & ORDER on DVD.

My little sister's in Japan for 12 months as a JET. She gets back to Aus at the end of July. I think she's finding it very odd.

This is her blog. (http://osmund.livejournal.com/)

Oh, I wouldn't do anything with a 14-year-old. That'd be sick.

However, a 14-year-old doing what you described would be fucking priceless.

Yeah, priceless isn't exactly the word I'd be using...:p