Deep Kimchi
01-02-2006, 18:25
For those of you who fly, post your humorous radio traffic.
This is an oldie, followed by one I've experienced.
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
And the one that happened to me:
One day while entering the pattern via a extended downwind for 26L at Brackett the Slice Blimp (the soda pop named Slice) was making the VOR approach and was south of the airport. It was severe clear with a good 30-50 miles visibility that day.
Brackett Tower: "88T #2 to land follow Cessna traffic in front of you, use caution, blimp traffic entering the downwind from the VOR approach"
88T: "Roger #2 following Cessna, we have blimp in sight"
few minutes later (after talking to other aircraft and calling the blimp out to everyone, like we can't see this thing):
Brackett tower : "88 Tango I have you in sight, cleared to land number 2 after cessna traffic wing up left base, use caution blimp traffic at your 2 O'Clock"
88T (me) "88 Tango cleared to land #2 after the Cessna, the Blimp is that big white and orange cloud moving north towards the airport at 3 knots right?"
Tower "Roger" (laughing now)
Blimp "We are showing 5 knots sir"
This is an oldie, followed by one I've experienced.
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
And the one that happened to me:
One day while entering the pattern via a extended downwind for 26L at Brackett the Slice Blimp (the soda pop named Slice) was making the VOR approach and was south of the airport. It was severe clear with a good 30-50 miles visibility that day.
Brackett Tower: "88T #2 to land follow Cessna traffic in front of you, use caution, blimp traffic entering the downwind from the VOR approach"
88T: "Roger #2 following Cessna, we have blimp in sight"
few minutes later (after talking to other aircraft and calling the blimp out to everyone, like we can't see this thing):
Brackett tower : "88 Tango I have you in sight, cleared to land number 2 after cessna traffic wing up left base, use caution blimp traffic at your 2 O'Clock"
88T (me) "88 Tango cleared to land #2 after the Cessna, the Blimp is that big white and orange cloud moving north towards the airport at 3 knots right?"
Tower "Roger" (laughing now)
Blimp "We are showing 5 knots sir"