NationStates Jolt Archive

Eat THIS, Viktor Borge!

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/16/opinion/16porter.html?ex=1287115200&en=864db4ca1f47440f&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

IN the name of God the merciful and benevolent:

1. Play soccer without four lines because this is a fabrication of the heretics' international rules that stipulate using them and delineating them before playing.

2. International terminology that heretics and polytheists use, like "foul," "penalty," "corner," "goal," "out" and others, should be abandoned and not said. Whoever says them should be punished, reprimanded and ejected from the game. He should be publicly told, "You have imitated the heretics and polytheists and this is forbidden."

3. Do not call "foul" and stop the game if someone falls and sprains a hand or foot or the ball touches his hand, and do not give a yellow or red card to whoever was responsible for the injury or tackle. Instead, it should be adjudicated according to Sharia rulings concerning broken bones and injuries. The injured player should exercise his Sharia rights according to the Koran and you must bear witness with him that so-and-so hurt him on purpose.

4. Do not follow the heretics, the Jews, the Christians and especially evil America regarding the number of players. Do not play with 11 people. Instead, add to this number or decrease it.

5. Play in your regular clothes or your pajamas or something like that, but not colored shorts and numbered T-shirts, because shorts and T-shirts are not Muslim clothing. Rather they are heretical and Western clothing, so beware of imitating their fashion.

6. If you have fulfilled these conditions and intend to play soccer, play to strengthen the body in order to better struggle in the way of God on high and to prepare the body for when it is called to jihad. Soccer is not for passing time or the thrill of so-called victory.

7. Do not set the time of play at 45 minutes, which is the official time of the Jews, Christians and all the heretical and atheist countries. This is the time used by teams that have strayed from the righteous path. You are obliged to distinguish yourself from the heretics and the corrupted and must not resemble them in anything.

8. Do not play in two halves. Rather play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the polytheists, the corrupted and the disobedient.

9. If neither of you beats the other, or "wins" as it is called, and neither puts the leather between the posts, do not add extra time or penalties until someone wins. No, instead leave the field, because winning with overtime and penalty kicks is the pinnacle of imitating heretics and international rules.

10. If you play soccer, do not appoint someone to follow you called a "referee," since there is no need for him after doing away with international rules like "foul," "penalty," "corner" and others. His presence would be in imitation of the heretics, Jews and Christians and would follow international rules.

11. Young crowds should not gather to watch when you play because if you are there for the sake of sports and strengthening your bodies as you claimed, why would people watch you? You should make them join your physical fitness and jihad preparation, or you should say: "Go proselytize and seek out morally reprehensible acts in the markets and the press and leave us to our physical fitness."

12. If you finish playing soccer, do not talk about your game and say, "We were better than the opponent," or "So-and-so plays well" and so on. Instead be concerned with your bodies and their strength and muscles, and say, "We played only to drill in running, attacking and retreating, and to prepare for jihad in the name of God on high."

13. You should spit in the face of whoever puts the ball between the posts or uprights and then runs in order to get his friends to follow him and hug him like players in America or France do, and you should punish and reprimand him, for what is the relationship between celebrating, hugging and kissing and the sports that you are practicing?

14. You should use two posts instead of three pieces of wood or steel that you erect in order to put the ball between them, meaning that you should remove the crossbar in order not to imitate the heretics and in order to be entirely distinct from the soccer system's despotic international rules.

15. Do not do what is called "substitution," that is, taking the place of someone who has fallen, because this is a practice of the heretics in America and elsewhere.

These are some conditions and precepts so that morally aware youth do not inadvertently imitate heretics and polytheists when playing soccer ... Hell awaits those who die playing soccer according to rules established by heretical countries, at the head of which is America.


http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/16/opinion/16porter.html?ex=1287115200&en=864db4ca1f47440f&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

Wow. I honestly thought you were trolling until I clicked the link, I'm not sure of the legitimacy of this...but if it is then...well, thats just weird.

Wow. I honestly thought you were trolling until I clicked the link, I'm not sure of the legitimacy of this...but if it is then...well, thats just weird.

Weird enough that there were muslims furiously scribbling down counter-fatwa's.. and muslims with an exquisite sense of humour, who ferociously lampooned it. There was this sketch on TV by some comedian from Tunisia who absolutely had me in stitches.

Recently, Al Watan, a semiofficial Saudi daily newspaper, reported that a young athlete had joined the jihad in Iraq under the influence of a fatwa forbidding playing soccer by regular rules.
Mmm... sense of humour.

Actually, that's pretty funny too when in context. Only in a bleak, ironic sense, though.

The hell. That is really messed up.

Well not much I can say about this, so I won't say anything at all.

Except that this is some very strange and quite insane stuff...

More like proof that some Muslim leaders are nutters :p

More like proof that some Muslim leaders are nutters :p
I think the idea was it was originally a point made to ridicule the Fatwah craze, but ended up actually getting taken seriously by some Muslim kids. Which's kinda sad, really.

6. Do not play in two halves. Rather play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the polytheists, the corrupted and the disobedient.

Nice. Try playing in thirds.

The whole "play with one half or three" so as not to immitate the Jews and assorted infidels who play games with two halves kinda leads me to believe that the guy who wrote this failed basic math.

What's even funnier than the Muslim kids taking this seriously is the posters on this thread who will think it's serious.

I laugh at you all.

Any group that thinks that suicide bombing is a great idea has to have an incredible sense of humor.

I think that the guys who recruit suicide bombers laugh later when they see the explosion on CNN, and say, "Ha! We got another idiot to do it!"

Now that's funny.

I think that the guys who recruit suicide bombers laugh later when they see the explosion on CNN, and say, "Ha! We got another idiot to do it!"

Now that's funny.

It's a twist on the old Pygmalion thing.

Akhmed Higgins bets Colonel Mustafa Pickering that he can turn some hippie kid into a Jihadist in time for Ramadan.

Any group that thinks that suicide bombing is a great idea has to have an incredible sense of humor.
So Muslims as a group think that suicide bombing is a great idea?

Like the US Army as a group thinks that humiliating Iraqi prisoners and taking photos is a great idea?

It's a twist on the old Pygmalion thing.

Akhmed Higgins bets Colonel Mustafa Pickering that he can turn some hippie kid into a Jihadist in time for Ramadan.
If only they had had Johnny Walker Lindh for a few more days...

I wonder who lost the bet on that one. I have this mental picture of Osama saying to Zawahiri, "pay up - you owe me big time..."

So Muslims as a group think that suicide bombing is a great idea?

Like the US Army as a group thinks that humiliating Iraqi prisoners and taking photos is a great idea?

In terms of abuse per unit population, the US Army is doing far better than previous large armies of occupation.

Shall I show you my collection of British, French, and American abuse photos from WW II? It was widespread, even after the war ended. We're doing better, and we're not perfect, but we are making an effort where none was made in previous generations.

Suicide bombing, on the other hand, seems to be the sole province of a slim minority of Muslims - those that espouse death in jihad as a way to get 72 virgins in heaven.

I'm well aware that most Muslims don't buy the idea - but there are far, far too many who do.

Suicide bombing, on the other hand, seems to be the sole province of a slim minority of Muslims - those that espouse death in jihad as a way to get 72 virgins in heaven.

Nah ... the Tamil Tigers (a secular group) still hold the all time suicide bombing championship trophy.

In terms of abuse per unit population, the US Army is doing far better than previous large armies of occupation.

Shall I show you my collection of British, French, and American abuse photos from WW II? It was widespread, even after the war ended. We're doing better, and we're not perfect, but we are making an effort where none was made in previous generations.

Suicide bombing, on the other hand, seems to be the sole province of a slim minority of Muslims - those that espouse death in jihad as a way to get 72 virgins in heaven.

I'm well aware that most Muslims don't buy the idea - but there are far, far too many who do.

The point was that you and I both know it's damn stupid to make a sweeping generalisation like saying that muslims as a group think that suicide bombing is a great idea...so why say it?

Unless you really believe it.

The point was that you and I both know it's damn stupid to make a sweeping generalisation like saying that muslims as a group think that suicide bombing is a great idea...so why say it?

Unless you really believe it.

I believe that nearly all Wahabbis believe it's a fantastic idea.

I believe that nearly all Wahabbis believe it's a fantastic idea.
Nearly all Wahabbis =/= Muslims as a group.

Try again.

Nearly all Wahabbis =/= Muslims as a group.

Try again.
I'm not saying they are.

But, I am saying that you'll be hard pressed to find a pattern of Catholic suicide bombers, for instance.

I'm not saying they are.

But, I am saying that you'll be hard pressed to find a pattern of Catholic suicide bombers, for instance.

That is irrelevent.

Whether or not there is a pattern of Catholic suicide bombers is of no significance to whether or not Muslims as a group thing suicide bombing is a good idea.

That is irrelevent.

Whether or not there is a pattern of Catholic suicide bombers is of no significance to whether or not Muslims as a group thing suicide bombing is a good idea.

In today's world, if you end up encountering a suicide bomber, there's a 99 percent chance he's a Muslim.

Not saying they're all believers in that - just pointing out that there's virtually no chance that they have other ideological beliefs that drive them to do it.

I believe that nearly all Wahabbis believe it's a fantastic idea.

Wahabists departed from the Ahl as-Sunnat and are, thus, not Muslim.

Two hadiths reported by 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (radi-Allahu 'anhuma) state: "They have left the right course. They have imputed to Muslims the [meanings of the] ayats that descended for disbelievers," and "Of all my fears on behalf of the Umma, the most horrible thing is their interpretation of Qur'an al-karim according to their own opinions and their fallacious translations." These two hadiths foretold that the la-madhhabi would appear and by misinterpreting the ayats that had descended for disbelievers they would use them against the Muslims.

O you who believe! If a rebellious evil person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest you harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful to what you have done. (Qur'an 49:6)

Some of the things they've done have been good. Wahabists liberated Mecca for Muslims and canceled the innovation of performing four prayers one for each school (mathab). Like a Hanafi would do Athan (call prayer) and then all the Hanafis would perform the prayer behind a Hanafi Imam, then a Maliki would do Athan and the Malikies would do their prayer and so on.

Here ... read this: http://islamicweb.com/beliefs/creed/abdulwahab/

Wahabists departed from the Ahl as-Sunnat and are, thus, not Muslim.

Two hadiths reported by 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar (radi-Allahu 'anhuma) state: "They have left the right course. They have imputed to Muslims the [meanings of the] ayats that descended for disbelievers," and "Of all my fears on behalf of the Umma, the most horrible thing is their interpretation of Qur'an al-karim according to their own opinions and their fallacious translations." These two hadiths foretold that the la-madhhabi would appear and by misinterpreting the ayats that had descended for disbelievers they would use them against the Muslims.

O you who believe! If a rebellious evil person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest you harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful to what you have done. (Qur'an 49:6)

Some of the things they've done have been good. Wahabists liberated Mecca for Muslims and canceled the innovation of performing four prayers one for each school (mathab). Like a Hanafi would do Athan (call prayer) and then all the Hanafis would perform the prayer behind a Hanafi Imam, then a Maliki would do Athan and the Malikies would do their prayer and so on.

Here ... read this: http://islamicweb.com/beliefs/creed/abdulwahab/

I don't take disavowal as an excuse.

That's like the Catholic Church saying that abortion clinic bombers who happen to be Baptists are "not really Christians".

The Americans liberated the iraqis, if the world was governed by islam it would fall apart, and its not just Islam, which i think is probably among the silliest , but ALLL religeons are stupid. i am an anarchist so I believe that people need no governing, and we can live out our own lives in complete capitalist utopia, individualy believing what we like, without interference from those who have a stupid 1000 year old belief that women should cover their faces, and sinners will live in horror after they die (WATCH THE MAGDALENE LAUNDRIES), and people should not eat pork and wear silly hats, and if your husband is beating you then you cant get a divorce or God will hate you. It is LAW in iran that women have to be raped before they are executed because virgins cannot be executed under their medaevil laws. Its all a big joke stop being politicaly correct, get real, your god is mythology and if he does exist he is a facist beyond Hitler. The entire facist middle east needs to get out of the past, they can believe what they like individually but why opress others, it needs to convert to a form of people powered system.

sorry got a bit carried away, I feel strongly about this. Racism, and Facism need to leave this planet for good, and it annoys me when people say "Iraq was a mistake"

Facism need to leave this planet for good
Yeah!

Down with Facism!

All faces are equal!

Yeah!

Down with Facism!

All faces are equal!
That reminds me.

I'll be in London at the end of the week, but it's likely that over the next 8 months, I'll be spending a lot of time in Northern Ireland.

We need to get drunk and fight.

The sad thing is that isnt taken for granted in the middle east! For example in the UK or America any race, colour, creed or sexuality can co-exist but in places like Iran homosexuality is illegal.

We need to get drunk and fight.[/QUOTE]

hehe im half irish half scottish best of both worlds!!

The sad thing is that isnt taken for granted in the middle east! For example in the UK or America any race, colour, creed or sexuality can co-exist but in places like Iran homosexuality is illegal.

Umm... technically it's true that in the US, you could be of any sexuality.

But in reality, there's not much to stop a bunch of homophobes from kicking you to death in the middle of the night just because you're gay.

The West may be considered to be "ahead" of a place like Iran in terms of tolerance, but not by much.

Any group that thinks that suicide bombing is a great idea has to have an incredible sense of humor.

I think that the guys who recruit suicide bombers laugh later when they see the explosion on CNN, and say, "Ha! We got another idiot to do it!"

Now that's funny.

I am not a Muslim but I have many Muslim friends and they don't support the bomings!!!

I don't take disavowal as an excuse.

That's like the Catholic Church saying that abortion clinic bombers who happen to be Baptists are "not really Christians".

What, pray tell, would you accept?

Nah ... the Tamil Tigers (a secular group) still hold the all time suicide bombing championship trophy.

I wonder what exactly that trophy looks like.

What, pray tell, would you accept?
Their own admission that they're not really Muslims, and that no Muslims of any other kind sympathize with them whatsoever.

It's all funny but that kills me about the "play one half or three halves"!!!

Their own admission that they're not really Muslims

Wow. Just ... wow.

So if I were to say I'm President Bush, you'd simply believe me until I admitted otherwise? Man have I got some nice ocean front property to sell you. You're too trusting of what people claim themselves to be, my friend.

Wow. Just ... wow.

So if I were to say I'm President Bush, you'd simply believe me until I admitted otherwise? Man have I got some nice ocean front property to sell you. You're too trusting of what people claim themselves to be, my friend.

No, I'm not, and that's not a good example.

A better example is abortion clinic bombers.

Ask one if he's religious, and he'll say, "Yes." And he would add, "I'm a born-again Christian!"

There you have it. He's Christian. Now, the Pope might not agree, and some minority of Christians might agree, but either way, he's a Christian.

Wahhabism is the state variant of Islam practiced by Saudi Arabia. Sponsored, paid for, encouraged, and taught in most of the madrassas in Pakistan.

Kind of hard to say that millions of people who consider themselves to be Muslims are not - I bet they would take offense.