NationStates Jolt Archive

Klonors First Rule of Commercials: If the commercial features the advertised product defying the laws of physics and the product can not, in fact, do so; the commercial is hated.

Klonors Second Rule of Commercials: If the commercial does not explicitly state the purpose of the product being advertised, the commercial is hated.

Klonors Third Rule of Commercials: If the product being advertised is not actually within the commercial, I swear to Christ I'm going on a freaking shooting spree.

Klonors Fourth Rule of Commercials: If the commercial is animated or digitally altered, with the products actions portrayed as an accurate depiction of its abilities and uses, the commercial is hated.

Klonors Fifth Rule of Commercials: If a commercial features a supposed use of the product when it is visibly and obviously not actually in use, the commercial is hated.

So, pretty much every damn commercial out there pisses me off. Yet I'm such a chipper person. How the hell does that happen?

Anybody have any rules to add?

Klonors First Rule of Commercials: If the commercial features the advertised product defying the laws of physics and the product can not, in fact, do so; the commercial is hated.

Klonors Second Rule of Commercials: If the commercial does not explicitly state the purpose of the product being advertised, the commercial is hated.

Klonors Third Rule of Commercials: If the product being advertised is not actually within the commercial, I swear to Christ I'm going on a freaking shooting spree.

Klonors Fourth Rule of Commercials: If the commercial is animated or digitally altered, with the products actions portrayed as an accurate depiction of its abilities and uses, the commercial is hated.

Klonors Fifth Rule of Commercials: If a commercial features a supposed use of the product when it is visibly and obviously not actually in use, the commercial is hated.

So, pretty much every damn commercial out there pisses me off. Yet I'm such a chipper person. How the hell does that happen?

Anybody have any rules to add?


If the commercial features impossibly cute children, no matter what is being advertised, I abominate it.

Klonors Fourth Rule of Commercials: If the commercial is animated or digitally altered, with the products actions portrayed as an accurate depiction of its abilities and uses, the commercial is hated.but the sports drink commercial where LeBron James hits five full court shots in a row was fun to watch

True, but the car commercial that had a computer-animated vehicle racing what seemed to be futuristic fighter-jets just pissed me off. It seemed to be saying "Becuase this video-game car can do it, our cars can do it, too."

The commercial where the man kisses his wife goodbye, walks down the path to the edge of the cliff and skydives to his car is just stupid.

I always tune out when I see that commercial, what's it actually advertising? I've always been curious.

I always tune out when I see that commercial, what's it actually advertising? I've always been curious.
You see the helmet he was wearing? They were advertising that, the slogan was:
"Helmets, because you are too stupid to be trusted outside without hurting yourself."
I always wondered how that guy got home after work. Did he have a lift shaft that he just refused to use in the mornings, or did he simply fly to the ground, drive his car in a circle, and then scale the mountain again.

The commercial where the man kisses his wife goodbye, walks down the path to the edge of the cliff and skydives to his car is just stupid.
I always think, "How does he get home at night?"


I have a friend who will no longer watch a movie that contains "an ancient evil."

I always think, "How does he get home at night?"
You're reading my mind again, stop it.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!
*breaks glass and grabs emergency tin-foil hat*
I have a friend who will no longer watch a movie that contains "an ancient evil."
But Ancient Evil 2: Guardian of the Underworld was a brilliant cinematic triumph!

Any commercial for jewelry or diamonds can pretty much go to hell.
You know that commercial where the guy twirls around in public and screams “I love this woman!” and then all those birds fly? Yeah, well that guy needs to be kicked in the balls, hard.

Any commercial for jewelry or diamonds can pretty much go to hell.
You know that commercial where the guy twirls around in public and screams “I love this woman!” and then all those birds fly? Yeah, well that guy needs to be kicked in the balls, hard.
The ones where a husband or wife suprises the other with a new Lexus. How ridiculously rich do you have to be to 'spring' a luxury automobile on your spouse without that ending in an argument? A slapping frenzy.

In addition to out-racing jets, I also hate ads that show:

Cars careening wildly out of control. I don't want a car that does that.

Cars flying, dropping out of planes, etc. I don't want a car that handles like it's in free fall.

Off-roading of any kind. Yeah, right, all those soccer moms are going to be off-roading in their SUVs, uh-huh. Oh, and btw, yay for environmental destruction.

Cars executing serious moving violations or reckless driving -- speeding around blind curves or through snow or rain, weaving fast through urban traffic and pedestrians, passing in no-passing zones, and my personal favorite, passing a school bus on the wrong side at high speed on a winding road. That was a good one.

The ones where a husband or wife suprises the other with a new Lexus. How ridiculously rich do you have to be to 'spring' a luxury automobile on your spouse without that ending in an argument? A slapping frenzy.
How about the one where the guy is waffling over which over-priced piece of jewelry to buy when he sees the over-priced car in the street and decides to buy his wife that instead, for the same price? Christ on a frigging cracker...

How about the one where the guy is waffling over which over-priced piece of jewelry to buy when he sees the over-priced car in the street and decides to buy his wife that instead, for the same price? Christ on a frigging cracker...
Well, at least the car has some utility in it. You can't commit vehicular homicide with some pansy-ass necklace.

screaming ads

no, i will not be more inclined to attend ur warehouse and spend shitloads if u YELL AT ME. especially if u advertise the fact its a closing down sale. u must have closed down for a reason.

and im not going to risk it, idiots.

I want to dislike the Axe/Tag body spray ads because of the absurdity of it, but they do show lots of hotties...

I hate every commercial I make. I feel ashamed everytime I see one on tv. But that's what they always want, can't really say anything against it. I'm so going to get a new job.

Well, at least the car has some utility in it. You can't commit vehicular homicide with some pansy-ass necklace.
You could strangle your wife with it, then sell it and buy the car for yourself and then commit vehicular homicide.

You could strangle your wife with it, then sell it and buy the car for yourself and then commit vehicular homicide.
Not generally. Most necklaces that you buy aren't strong enough to put up with the strain, especially if the victim makes a habit of fighting back. Better to buy her a fast car and cut the brake line.

I want to dislike the Axe/Tag body spray ads because of the absurdity of it, but they do show lots of hotties...
Yup. Hot, filthy, stupid skanks who probably have about 14 diseases and 6 pin-headed kids each because of all the slimy, pudgy, pasty, over-perfumed, miserable scumbags they bang all day long, putting less thought into their sex lives than crack whores.

I also dislike ads that kill their own products. The image of men in the Axe ads is so disgusting that I don't know any actual woman who would have sex with a man who uses it.

I hate every commercial I make. I feel ashamed everytime I see one on tv. But that's what they always want, can't really say anything against it. I'm so going to get a new job.
You work in advertising? I was an advertising design major in school. I use the principles in my artwork all the time. I actually love advertising. Mind control, baby -- it's a game everyone can play.

What I hate are bad ads. Stupid ads. Counter-productive ads. Dishonest ads. Lazy, bullshit ads.

I also dislike ads that kill their own products. The image of men in the Axe ads is so disgusting that I don't know any actual woman who would have sex with a man who uses it.
That and the fact that Axe smells terrible is the reason why I don't buy any.
However, I think part of the point of Axe is that it is supposed to make any man desirable. Yes, that guy looks like he just rolled out of bed, and that guy looks dead, and that man's mother drank while he was still in the womb, but now the use Axe and they actually have a chance of getting some ass.
Skanky ass that is very easy to impress, but, when a man is faced with the prospect of dying a virgin, he tends to become very malleable on certain points.

I hate every commercial I make. I feel ashamed everytime I see one on tv. But that's what they always want, can't really say anything against it. I'm so going to get a new job.
I haven't seen a lot of Finnish commercials, or understood any of it, but the sure did not look convincing or made me want to buy anything. Most look like they tout the, "Buy Suomi!" line. And that just doesn't motivate me.

And then there's the computer animation in all of them.

The best commercial I've seen was the "Blåkäder" commercial where's there's this American dude running around screaming, "Blahklahder!" Hilarious. :p

Not generally. Most necklaces that you buy aren't strong enough to put up with the strain, especially if the victim makes a habit of fighting back. Better to buy her a fast car and cut the brake line.
If a man bought me a $70,000-$100,000 necklace that wasn't strong enough to strangle a human being, I'd take the stones out of it and grind them into his moronic eyes. How dare he!!

Of course, if he spent that much on the piece-of-crap car shown in that ad and dared to give it to me, I'd run him over with it, then sell it, buy that necklace and wear it to bed with younger man who has more hair.

That and the fact that Axe smells terrible is the reason why I don't buy any.
However, I think part of the point of Axe is that it is supposed to make any man desirable. Yes, that guy looks like he just rolled out of bed, and that guy looks dead, and that man's mother drank while he was still in the womb, but now the use Axe and they actually have a chance of getting some ass.
Skanky ass that is very easy to impress, but, when a man is faced with the prospect of dying a virgin, he tends to become very malleable on certain points.
Suckers.

You work in advertising? I was an advertising design major in school. I use the principles in my artwork all the time. I actually love advertising. Mind control, baby -- it's a game everyone can play.

What I hate are bad ads. Stupid ads. Counter-productive ads. Dishonest ads. Lazy, bullshit ads.
Yeah, I like advertising too. But right now I work at media production company. The others plan the ads I just make them, so I don't have a say on anything. (well, sound design. Thank god for that. Without it every ad I make would be straight from the 80's. At least I can improve those just a little bit with sound track) This company produces only lazy, bullshit ads. :D

I haven't seen a lot of Finnish commercials, or understood any of it, but the sure did not look convincing or made me want to buy anything. Most look like they tout the, "Buy Suomi!" line. And that just doesn't motivate me.

And then there's the computer animation in all of them.

The best commercial I've seen was the "Blåkäder" commercial where's there's this American dude running around screaming, "Blahklahder!" Hilarious. :p
95% of Finnish commercials cost about 5 dollars. No wonder they look so shitty. Animation is cheaper than video (well, the kind of animation used around here) that's why they use it.

Blåkäder -doesn't ring a bell.

If a man bought me a $70,000-$100,000 necklace that wasn't strong enough to strangle a human being, I'd take the stones out of it and grind them into his moronic eyes. How dare he!!
Most necklaces aren't that strong, as that wasn't the purpose in the mind of the jeweller. The clasp, especially, has a tendancy to break/open if the person being strangled hauls away hard enough.
Try it some day, if you still don't believe me.

Yup. Hot, filthy, stupid skanks who probably have about 14 diseases and 6 pin-headed kids each because of all the slimy, pudgy, pasty, over-perfumed, miserable scumbags they bang all day long, putting less thought into their sex lives than crack whores.


When I referred to the hotties, I was thinking of the actresses in the commercials, who probably don't really sleep with guys who use Axe/Tag.

As for a woman who would actually go, "Snifffff, hey, that guy had 4 dollars at Wal-Mart for a can of Axe, I gonna screw him", yeah, that's probably best avoided.

I like rule 2

I cant believe they actualy think people are fucking stupid enough to call their doctor to just find out what the fuck the product actualy does


I dont know about the rest of you but I dont feel like calling my doctor just to find out that the drug prevents pregnancy

95% of Finnish commercials cost about 5 dollars. No wonder they look so shitty. Animation is cheaper than video (well, the kind of animation used around here) that's why they use it.

Blåkäder -doesn't ring a bell.
Oh, my bad, its: Blåkläder. Blue clothes. You know. I think. ;)

That's hilarious 5 dollars...that's like 2.50 Euro...LOL.... :p

Most necklaces aren't that strong, as that wasn't the purpose in the mind of the jeweller. The clasp, especially, has a tendancy to break/open if the person being strangled hauls away hard enough.
Try it some day, if you still don't believe me.
Well, all I can say is one should be careful where one shops. I own some pieces of jewelry that could serve very well as garottes, so long as one's victim is not fat and one puts some wrist into it, but whatever. I think we've made the point that it was a weak ad.

I like rule 2

I cant believe they actualy think people are fucking stupid enough to call their doctor to just find out what the fuck the product actualy does


I dont know about the rest of you but I dont feel like calling my doctor just to find out that the drug prevents pregnancy

The voiceover says "Before taking Pharmaprofitex, tell your doctor if you have a serious heart or liver condition".

EDIT: Note sarcasm:
Wow, thanks, voiceover guy...my doctor did show an interest in that kind of thing, maybe it'll come up.

Yeah, I like advertising too. But right now I work at media production company. The others plan the ads I just make them, so I don't have a say on anything. (well, sound design. Thank god for that. Without it every ad I make would be straight from the 80's. At least I can improve those just a little bit with sound track) This company produces only lazy, bullshit ads. :D
I feel your pain. I used to work as a copy editor for a graphic design and marketing company that did print ads as well as packaging and logos and such. The clients were too cheap to hire writers, and they wrote all their own copy, from bullshit to dumbass bullshit, all the way up to grade A pure bullshit. And it was my job to make sure all that bullshit was spelled right. And they'd ask my opinion. "What do you think? Is it effective?"

"Well, that depends. What effect were you hoping for?"

The voiceover says "Before taking Pharmaprofitex, tell your doctor if you have a serious heart or liver condition".

Wow, thanks, voiceover guy...my doctor did show an interest in that kind of thing, maybe it'll come up.
Isn't your doctor supposed to tell you that kind of thing?

Isn't your doctor supposed to tell you that kind of thing?

One would hope (sorry, I meant my reaction to Voiceover Guy to be sarcastic).

Even if my doctor wasn't already aware that I had a liver or heart condition (like if I switched physicians), I think it reasonably falls to the patient to volunteer that information on the "new patient questionairre".

The commercials make it sound like your doctor is a prescription ATM machine, you type in the retail name of what you want, and it spits it out without concern for other conditions or drug interactions...

One would hope. If my doctor wasn't already aware that I had a liver or heart condition (like if I switched physicians), I think it reasonably falls to the patient to volunteer that information on the "new patient questionairre".

The commercials make it sound like your doctor is a prescription ATM machine, you type in the retail name of what you want, and it spits it out without concern for other conditions or drug interactions...
Well, see, that's what makes ads for prescription drugs the most evil ads that have ever existed.

The prescription ATM machine is what the pharma-bastards would like to have, and since, despite HMO pressure, some doctors still resist prescribing drugs their patients don't need, the only way around this is, step 1) to fill the consumer's head with hypochondriac fears and, step 2) to make sure we never see the same doctor twice so we won't get talked out of taking their liver pills.

One would hope (sorry, I meant my reaction to Voiceover Guy to be sarcastic).

Even if my doctor wasn't already aware that I had a liver or heart condition (like if I switched physicians), I think it reasonably falls to the patient to volunteer that information on the "new patient questionairre".

The commercials make it sound like your doctor is a prescription ATM machine, you type in the retail name of what you want, and it spits it out without concern for other conditions or drug interactions...
I knew that. I was being sarcastic towards Mr. Voiceover, too. That standard disclaimer remark makes me :headbang: every time I hear it.

I knew that. I was being sarcastic towards Mr. Voiceover, too. That standard disclaimer remark makes me :headbang: every time I hear it.

Have you seen the new ones where its a group of medical students walking across a med school campus, talking with the wise Doctor Professor? The students spout the disclaimers as if natural dialogue...

"Be sure to tell your doctor if you're pregnant, nursing, or hosting an alien parasite like that girl on Deep Space 9..."

We have this stupid fucking ad when this annoying prick tries to liken buying school stationary to being in a jungle. Fuck. I hate that.

We have this stupid fucking ad when this annoying prick tries to liken buying school stationary to being in a jungle. Fuck. I hate that.
I hate that too.
And the Adelaide is cool ads.

I hate that too.
And the Adelaide is cool ads.
He's such a dick.

What about the Sultana Bran ads? Families singing is fucking never good.

Have you seen the new ones where its a group of medical students walking across a med school campus, talking with the wise Doctor Professor? The students spout the disclaimers as if natural dialogue...

"Be sure to tell your doctor if you're pregnant, nursing, or hosting an alien parasite like that girl on Deep Space 9..."
No, thank god, I've missed that one so far.

He's such a dick.

What about the Sultana Bran ads? Families singing is fucking never good.
Ack! What country are those in? Remind me not to watch tv there.

Let's get rid of the gecko. Especially now that he's pretending to be Australian.