NationStates Jolt Archive

C'mon, there's gotta be some of you out there who have expected the Spanish Inquisition! :headbang:

Actually, no, I never have expected the Spanish Inquisition, mainly because it was stopped during the nineteenth century. So I came along a little bit too late.

I only expect the Spanish Inquisition at fancy dress parties.

How can you expect the Spanish Inquisition?

...

Unless you are the Spanish Inquisition!

*runs away*

Not even the bloke in the DaVinci Code expected the Spanish Inquisition.
(Mind you, it took him a good sixty or seventy pages before the penny dropped that the Gendarmes were trying to fit him up. Genius my arse.)

I inspected the Spanish Inquisition, and fined them for numerous safety violations. Did you know that they weren't washing any of the hot pokers in between victims? And the torturers just took a wee and then went back to their business, never bothering to wash their hands or wear gloves.
One of the messiest torture chambers I have ever seen, consider yourself lucky that you've never been.

Yes but only because they sent me a questionaire.

Yes but only because they sent me a questionaire.

1. Do you acknowledge the authority of Throne of Peter?

2. How many people in your household espouse heresy?

3. Rounded to the nearest 50 gold pieces, what is combined household income?

4. Is that a Jew on your couch?

4. Is that a Jew on your couch?
They simply must be, absolutely, simply must be Jews! :p

1. Do you acknowledge the authority of Throne of Peter?

2. How many people in your household espouse heresy?

3. Rounded to the nearest 50 gold pieces, what is combined household income?

4. Is that a Jew on your couch?
They also wanted to know how I behaved under pressure.

1. Do you acknowledge the authority of Throne of Peter?

2. How many people in your household espouse heresy?

3. Rounded to the nearest 50 gold pieces, what is combined household income?

4. Is that a Jew on your couch?
jokes:)

I think what monty meant is that noone expects lots of questions/ torture that doesn't involve spilling blood so as not to offend christ. So I always do expect it jsut to trick the hot-poker-weilding nuts out!!:cool:

I didn't expect them, till they left my house, and came back in 3 seconds later, only to try their routine again, still fuck it up, and then have to go and repeat.

They also wanted to know how I behaved under pressure.

5. Not counting livestock, what assets does your family own that could be seized by the church if you were to, say, be tried for heresy and burned?

6. Have you failed to succeed to consider excercising the reverse opposite action of declining to discontinue rescinding beliefs that are not in a lack of conflict with Holy Mother Church, within the last 74 fortnights?

Aaaw, this thread makes me want to sing, sing, sing!

You know the words, sing along:

The Inquisition (Let's begin)
The Inquisition (Look out sin)
We have a mission to convert the Jews (Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew)
We're gonna teach them wrong from right.
We're gonna help them see the light
and make an offer that they can't refuse. (That those Jews just can't refuse)
Confess, don't be boring. Say yes, don't be dull.
A fact you're ignoring:
It's better to lose your skull cap than your skull (or your govalt!)
The Inquisition (what a show)
The Inquistion (here we go)
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away.
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

"I was sitting in a temple. I was minding my own business.
I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass.
Then these Papus persons plungered and they throw me in a dungeon and they shove a red hot poker up my ass.
Is that considerate? Is that polite?
And not a tube of Preperation H in sight!"

"I'm sittin' flickin' chickens and I'm lookin' throught the pickins' and suddenly thes goyim pull down valls.
I didn't even know them and they grabbed my by the stoghum and started playing ping pong with my balls!
Ooh, the agony! Ooh, the shame!
To make my privates public for a game?"

The Inquisition (what a show)
The Inquisition (here we go)
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away.
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-
"Hey Toquemada, walk this way."
"I just got back from the Auto-de-fe."
"Auto-de-fe? What's an Auto-de-fe?"
"It's what you oughtn't to do but you do anyway."
Will you convert? "No, no, no, no."
Will you confess? "No, no, no, no."
Will you revert? "No, no, no, no."
Will you say yes? "No, no, no, no!"
Now I asked in a nice way, I said, "Pretty please."
I bent their ears, now I'll work on their knees!
"Hey Toquemada, walk this way. We got a little game that you might wanna play, so pull that handle, try you're luck."
"Who knows, Toq, you might win a buck!"

"How we doin', any converts today?"
"Not a one, nay, nay, nay."
"We flattened their fingers, we branded their buns!
Nothing is working! Send in the nuns!"

The Inquisition, what a show.
The Inquisition, here we go.
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away!
So all you Muslims and you Jews
We got big news for all of yous:
You'd better change your point of views TODAY!
'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!
:D

Yay! :D

5. Not counting livestock, what assets does your family own that could be seized by the church if you were to, say, be tried for heresy and burned?

6. Have you failed to succeed to consider excercising the reverse opposite action of declining to discontinue rescinding beliefs that are not in a lack of conflict with Holy Mother Church, within the last 74 fortnights?

7. Do you enjoy S&M games?

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
Their prime weapons are surprise, fear and comfy chairs! :p

No, I don't expect them, no.

C'mon, there's gotta be some of you out there who have expected the Spanish Inquisition! :headbang:

Someone has been watching some Monty Pythons Flying Circus.

The other day, a friend was grilling me about a mutual friend, when suddenly, a man ran through the room, shot my friend, shouted "Death to Franco!", and ran out.

I really wasn't expecting the Spanish Civil War...

Inquisition is what they do down south. Up here, we just shout "witch!" and burn each other.

If I were expecting the Spanish Inqusition, I would've prepared a nicer meal. Maybe picked up a nice wine. You know, impress them. Afterall, if they're going to torture the daylights out of me, maybe they'll take it easy if they like me. A little hospitality goes a long way. ;)

http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_video/spanish.avi

Tie Him to the RACK! ;)

=][= Even though I might not really expect the Spanish Inquisition I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they showed up. Therefore, the answer must be 'yes'. =][=

C'mon, there's gotta be some of you out there who have expected the Spanish Inquisition! :headbang:

in my former life as an owl in a tree as it was taking place many moons ago, yes, yes i did expect it.

Torquemada? We can't Tork 'im oudda anything!