NationStates Jolt Archive

What qualification do I have to provide relationship advice you ask? Well when was the last time you had sex... Me, twenty minutes ago. Quite a feat considering I was riding the bus at the time. So I've decided to provide serious(ish) relationship advice. I may still mock you until you cry, but I will actually try and help this time (unlike every other time).

So roll up, roll up!

Oh heck, I thought you needed relationship advice,but youre handing it out.

*pops popcorn and has a seat on the NS couch*

this will be most entertaining!

Oh heck, I thought you needed relationship advice,but youre handing it out.

*pops popcorn and has a seat on the NS couch*

this will be most entertaining!
I agree. *Joins you on the couch* Could I have some popcorn, please?

i'm meeting amy on valentine's day. part of me is excited as hell, but part of me is damn nervous. any advice with the nerves?

other than, of course, smoking a fat bifter before i go knock on her door... but i'm not doing that any more ;)

now you just have to work out whether i'm asking for novelty value or whether i actually need advice... hmmm

I didn't know that masturbating on a bus counted as having sex.

~Alan Smithee
Puppet of [Censored]~

I agree. *Joins you on the couch* Could I have some popcorn, please?


sure thing love....*passes popcorn and a soda*


Roto- whats the thing guys hate most about dating?

i'm meeting amy on valentine's day. part of me is excited as hell, but part of me is damn nervous. any advice with the nerves?

other than, of course, smoking a fat bifter before i go knock on her door... but i'm not doing that any more ;)

now you just have to work out whether i'm asking for novelty value or whether i actually need advice... hmmm
Take a deep breath and remember she's probally just as nervous as you. A handy trick I've picked over the years is to put alot of time into preparing yourself before a date. For some reason if you feel good about how you're looking, you feel alot more confident. If you start to feel nervous, just slow it on down and remember to smile.

In the worst case scenario, she'll probally think it's cute.

I didn't know that masturbating on a bus counted as having sex.

~Alan Smithee
Puppet of [Censored]~
It doesn't. Some of us don't need to rely on self-relief 24/7...

Take a deep breath and remember she's probally just as nervous as you. A handy trick I've picked over the years is to put alot of time into preparing yourself before a date. For some reason if you feel good about how you're looking, you feel alot more confident. If you start to feel nervous, just slow it on down and remember to smile.

In the worst case scenario, she'll probally think it's cute.
ah yes, but what if we're both nervous? a date full of stammerings and 'ums' and 'ahs' from both sides isn't totally appealing i must say :P
just seeing her will be great though so its not really a problem :fluffle:

It doesn't. Some of us don't need to rely on self-relief 24/7...

We don't? Damn it. Explains why i kept getting funny looks on the college bus.

sure thing love....*passes popcorn and a soda*


Roto- whats the thing guys hate most about dating?
Frankly, women who will go out on a date with a guy. Let him pay for everything, but have no romantic interest in him. I'm not talking about sex here, but just women who use men. This is the most common complaint I'll receive from friends and acquaintances.

Other then that, men often just don't know what to do when it comes to dating, sometimes. So ladies, give the boys a break. Men dating is like playing basketball with a special kid, you can't really call them double-dribbling, some stuff you've just got to let slide. Besides the guys who want to treat you like a queen are the more often then not, the awkward ones, not the smooth talkers.

It doesn't. Some of us don't need to rely on self-relief 24/7...
"Loving" yourself only means that you have high self-esteem. :D

~Alan Smithee
Puppet of [Censored]~

Besides the guys who want to treat you like a queen are the more often then not, the awkward ones, not the smooth talkers.
i hear that...

its the old 'assholes tend to have lots of confidence but truly nice guys don't' sort of thing, right?
a confident nice guy is what you really want :P

Dear Rotoman,

Give me some examples of a perfect date for guys. If a woman was to go all out and plan a really cool evening, what would be some things that you feel men would enjoy the most?


note: I'm married and dont need any advice but its a fun thread and none of you are asking questions.

ah yes, but what if we're both nervous? a date full of stammerings and 'ums' and 'ahs' from both sides isn't totally appealing i must say :P
just seeing her will be great though so its not really a problem :fluffle:
Then focus on how much you enjoy seeing her and nothing else. Trust me, if you focus on those beautiful moments between two people who love each other, life is that much better.

Dear Rotoman,

Give me some examples of a perfect date for guys. If a woman was to go all out and plan a really cool evening, what would be some things that you feel men would enjoy the most?


note: I'm married and dont need any advice but its a fun thread and none of you are asking questions.
The perfect date is one where there's good food, good music and you both feel good. But none of that matters because you both spend the entire time utterly fascinated by other person.

The perfect date is one where there's good food, good music and you both feel good. But none of that matters because you both spend the entire time utterly fascinated by other person.


Thats an awesome answer.

ah yes, but what if we're both nervous? a date full of stammerings and 'ums' and 'ahs' from both sides isn't totally appealing i must say :P
just seeing her will be great though so its not really a problem :fluffle:
Sorry to impose on Rotovia's thread, but no-one has offered the most obvious and useful advice about awkwardness:

Just kiss her. honestly. Physical contact - even if its just holding hands, touching her shoulder or back, whatever, can de-awkwardize any moment. Silence is much more pleasant if you both know that everyine is comfortable with the situation - the best way to do that is to be in contact in some other, natural way, ie. physical communication.
You don't have to worry about if its appropriate or not, unlike most poor first-date boys - after all, she is your girlfriend. Just enjoy it, and don't be afraid to maul her a little bit. Your fun will increase inversely to your awkwardness if you're not afraid of a little physical contact.

Thats an awesome answer.
;)

Sorry to impose on Rotovia's thread, but no-one has offered the most obvious and useful advice about awkwardness:

Just kiss her. honestly. Physical contact - even if its just holding hands, touching her shoulder or back, whatever, can de-awkwardize any moment. Silence is much more pleasant if you both know that everyine is comfortable with the situation - the best way to do that is to be in contact in some other, natural way, ie. physical communication.
You don't have to worry about if its appropriate or not, unlike most poor first-date boys - after all, she is your girlfriend. Just enjoy it, and don't be afraid to maul her a little bit. Your fun will increase inversely to your awkwardness if you're not afraid of a little physical contact.
Damnit, I might just have to add you to the thread. ;)

Ok I have a question...I need some male points of view

Is it wrong for guys to look at porn(online) if you are in a commited relationship? I have a friend who has been mad at her boyfriend for a month because she found out he had been looking at naked women on the net. Theyve been together 4 years. He has never cheated on her and I dont think he ever would but her argument is that its almost the same as cheating. If he feels he needs to look at porn, then she feels he is saying that he isnt happy with her body and needs to get aroused by looking at other women. She says its wrong and a form of betrayal and has made her feel ugly ...shattered her self esteem basically. So what do you guys think about it?

Wait, is this thread serious?

Wait, is this thread serious?


It sure is. Turns out Rotovia is knowledgeable in this area.

Ok I have a question...I need some male points of view

Is it wrong for guys to look at porn(online) if you are in a commited relationship? I have a friend who has been mad at her boyfriend for a month because she found out he had been looking at naked women on the net. Theyve been together 4 years. He has never cheated on her and I dont think he ever would but her argument is that its almost the same as cheating. If he feels he needs to look at porn, then she feels he is saying that he isnt happy with her body and needs to get aroused by looking at other women. She says its wrong and a form of betrayal and has made her feel ugly ...shattered her self esteem basically. So what do you guys think about it?
I used to say no. But after a little soul searching, the answer is simple. Seeking sexual gratification outside of a committed relationship, is cheating. It's a betrayal of your partner and is a slap in their face. And frankly if you are turning to fantasy and other women(or men, etc) in favour of your partner, there are issues there that must be dealt with.

Just as you can have as many casual flings when you're single, you need to put away the spank-mags when you commit to someone.

I used to say no. But after a little soul searching, the answer is simple. Seeking sexual gratification outside of a committed relationship, is cheating. It's a betrayal of your partner and is a slap in their face. And frankly if you are turning to fantasy and other women(or men, etc) in favour of your partner, there are issues there that must be dealt with.

Just as you can have as many casual flings when you're single, you need to put away the spank-mags when you commit to someone.


I never knew you had this side to you. wow @you!

Damnit, I might just have to add you to the thread. ;)I'm gladd you approve. It's tested and true!!

Anyway, I suppose I could pose a question. A male friend of mine and I got into an argument over MSN about two months ago, he ended up blocking me, and we haven't spoken since. I've bloked him before for brief periods of a few days before when he was being obnoxious, which he can tend to be, but I've never been angry at him fora prolonged period of time.
The argument was petty, and frankly, I wasn't that pissed off at him - he is usually a bit offensive and untactful, and I accept that - I just lost patience that one time, and it degenerated into an airing of grievances on both our parts. Lame, I know. In any event, he seems to have been very angry and hurt, though I did apologize. About three weeks ago I called his house and left a message asking him not to hold grudges, and that I missed him, but I didn't get any response.
How do I deal with this sensetive-yet-socially-inept person? It's so annoying to have someone mad at you for no great reason - and I don't want to lose him. We were pretty good friends, we would go camping, and hang out, and play frisbee and diplomacy and stuff, so it isn't just some trivial aquintance.

Do you support the Ladder Theory?

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

I never knew you had this side to you. wow @you!
Hey, I'm still the Bush-bashing, atheist you all grew to love!

Ok tougher one:
How can one tell if a s/o is cheating on them? Also what would you say is/isn't cheating, when do they cross the line? Physical contact? Flirting? What makes cheating cheating?

I'm gladd you approve. It's tested and true!!

Anyway, I suppose I could pose a question. A male friend of mine and I got into an argument over MSN about two months ago, he ended up blocking me, and we haven't spoken since. I've bloked him before for brief periods of a few days before when he was being obnoxious, which he can tend to be, but I've never been angry at him fora prolonged period of time.
The argument was petty, and frankly, I wasn't that pissed off at him - he is usually a bit offensive and untactful, and I accept that - I just lost patience that one time, and it degenerated into an airing of grievances on both our parts. Lame, I know. In any event, he seems to have been very angry and hurt, though I did apologize. About three weeks ago I called his house and left a message asking him not to hold grudges, and that I missed him, but I didn't get any response.
How do I deal with this sensetive-yet-socially-inept person? It's so annoying to have someone mad at you for no great reason - and I don't want to lose him. We were pretty good friends, we would go camping, and hang out, and play frisbee and diplomacy and stuff, so it isn't just some trivial aquintance.

wow-i have a friend like that. Almost exactly like that. If I make an attempt to contact him and try to resolve the issue and he doesnt respond, then I dont contact him again. He ends up contacting me and then we both feel silly for the whole thing. We do this about once every 2 months.

I'm gladd you approve. It's tested and true!!

Anyway, I suppose I could pose a question. A male friend of mine and I got into an argument over MSN about two months ago, he ended up blocking me, and we haven't spoken since. I've bloked him before for brief periods of a few days before when he was being obnoxious, which he can tend to be, but I've never been angry at him fora prolonged period of time.
The argument was petty, and frankly, I wasn't that pissed off at him - he is usually a bit offensive and untactful, and I accept that - I just lost patience that one time, and it degenerated into an airing of grievances on both our parts. Lame, I know. In any event, he seems to have been very angry and hurt, though I did apologize. About three weeks ago I called his house and left a message asking him not to hold grudges, and that I missed him, but I didn't get any response.
How do I deal with this sensetive-yet-socially-inept person? It's so annoying to have someone mad at you for no great reason - and I don't want to lose him. We were pretty good friends, we would go camping, and hang out, and play frisbee and diplomacy and stuff, so it isn't just some trivial aquintance.I have a similar relationship with a female friend(aquantence) of mine. The trick is to give them space for a couple of months. Frankly, one day he'll just unblock you for no obvious reason and start chatting like best friends. I do it all the time. For some reason there's this voice in guy's heads that sometimes tells them to pick fights with their female friends. Time heals all wounds, etcetera.

snip
Good friends are hard to find- it takes a long time to get one, and only a short time to lose one.

If you think the friendship is worth saving, bite your tongue and do all you can to resolve it. Pride makes us regret a lot of things in later life :(

I have a similar relationship with a female friend(aquantence) of mine. The trick is to give them space for a couple of months. Frankly, one day he'll just unblock you for no obvious reason and start chatting like best friends. I do it all the time. For some reason there's this voice in guy's heads that sometimes tells them to pick fights with their female friends. Time heals all wounds, etcetera.You do this on purpose for no obvious reason? That's totall bullshit. Male jeuveniles. Gross.

What are major turn offs?

Turn ons? (i mean intellectually and emotionally, not just sex....dont want the mods getting all riled up)

Good friends are hard to find- it takes a long time to get one, and only a short time to lose one.

If you think the friendship is worth saving, bite your tongue and do all you can to resolve it. Pride makes us regret a lot of things in later life :(

good point, but it can be hard to tell if things are worth saving what if you enjoy the person's company but know that they won't let the subject drop for weeks or maybe even months before you can enjoy any time with them again. What if you know that they will just instigate another fight at some point? When is a friendship no longer worth saving?

Ok tougher one:
How can one tell if a s/o is cheating on them? Also what would you say is/isn't cheating, when do they cross the line? Physical contact? Flirting? What makes cheating cheating?
Whenever you're trust feels violated, betrayed & lost.

You do this on purpose for no obvious reason? That's totall bullshit. Male jeuveniles. Gross.
Yes, when I was younger. Men are idiots, we can't help it.

Yes, when I was younger. Men are idiots, we can't help it.
*nods* I blame genetics.

What are major turn offs?

Turn ons? (i mean intellectually and emotionally, not just sex....dont want the mods getting all riled up)
A woman who doesn't challenge me. The perfect woman says no, sometimes. The perfect woman is intellectually on par, or superior. The perfect woman will put me in my place, sometimes.

I agree. *Joins you on the couch* Could I have some popcorn, please?

Move over!

*grabs six pack*

Whenever you're trust feels violated, betrayed & lost.
Nice one, thanks. One more question on this subject: If this happens how can a person know to forgive or even be able to tell if the other party has changed?

Nice one, thanks. One more question on this subject: If this happens how can a person know to forgive or even be able to tell if the other party has changed?
I suppose when/if you feel you can ever trust them again. Relationships HAVE to be based on trust.

How do you get a girl? Short of prostitution of course. This is coming from a loser in high school without ever having a girlfriend.

How do you get a girl? Short of prostitution of course. This is coming from a loser in high school without ever having a girlfriend.


what makes you a loser?

what makes you a loser?

Beats me. I have tons of girl friends. But no girlfriend. No dates either.

Beats me. I have tons of girl friends. But no girlfriend. No dates either.


well are you a nice guy? respectful and have good manners? have you asked anyone out?

Yes to the first second and third. But the thing is, manners and chivalry don't seem to be respected anymore. It's so stupid. Oh, I also go to a school where everybody knows each other if that helps at all.

Sorry, the first is a matter of opinion, I try to be.

How do you get a girl? Short of prostitution of course. This is coming from a loser in high school without ever having a girlfriend.
lol You are no loser- infact I respect you for being in highschool without a girlfriend, so many guys just grab the first thing they can get and that's not hard considerring how many desperate girls there are. When the right one comes around you'll know if she's not there yet- then wait its hard (trust me, I would know.) but at least it means that you're waiting for the right person. That way when you do get the one you want- they're special because they weren't just one of the many you would have dated had they made a move, they're the one person you wanted to date. This can be hard because sometimes you don't get lucky and have to move on, but when you do get lucky it makes it all that much sweeter. ;)

How do you get a girl? Short of prostitution of course. This is coming from a loser in high school without ever having a girlfriend.

You're only as much of a loser as you think they are. Self-confidence is all it is. It's like fighting poisonous snakes- as vicious as they might seem, they're really more afraid of you than you are of them. Remember that girls are ALSO trying to find a mate, and if you just stop doubting yourself you'll get a girlfriend. Start a normal conversation and take it from there. Just any normal conversation. Also, it's usually best not to call her or give her a phone number, etc., because that shows that you're chasing after her. Make HER chase after YOU by waiting for her to ask you out or call her. It's all a mind game. It's stupid, but that's the way it is.

How do you get a boyfriend? After my fiance' left me, and my gay friend showed me that I do, well, like guys, I've only had one serious relationship. I'm looking for another. Oh, I'm kinda ugly, does that matter?

What qualification do I have to provide relationship advice you ask? Well when was the last time you had sex... Me, twenty minutes ago. Quite a feat considering I was riding the bus at the time.


Indeed, why waste money on an expensive college education while all one needs to do is engage in sexual intercourse to achieve knowledge in the field of romantic relationships.

Though I wouldn't be the first one to admit that your boast wasn't completely untrue after reading through your posts therefor I'll take your reason for qualification as a joke.

How do you get a boyfriend? After my fiance' left me, and my gay friend showed me that I do, well, like guys, I've only had one serious relationship. I'm looking for another. Oh, I'm kinda ugly, does that matter?
Sounds like you know how to get into relation ships and as for the second part: if it does, you aren't with the right person.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You're only as much of a loser as you think they are. Self-confidence is all it is. It's like fighting poisonous snakes- as vicious as they might seem, they're really more afraid of you than you are of them. Remember that girls are ALSO trying to find a mate, and if you just stop doubting yourself you'll get a girlfriend. Start a normal conversation and take it from there. Just any normal conversation. Also, it's usually best not to call her or give her a phone number, etc., because that shows that you're chasing after her. Make HER chase after YOU by waiting for her to ask you out or call her. It's all a mind game. It's stupid, but that's the way it is.
That's what seems to keep cropping up whenever I look for advice. Besides confidence, are there any signs I should be looking for to know how to react to certain girls. Ooh also, how do you tell if a girl has a boyfriend? That's what confuses me the most. They should have signs.

Oh, gay guy- looks don't seems to matter for guys, heterosexual or homosexual. IT's weird, but sometimes the hottest girls go out with the ugliest, crappiest, rudest, guys out there.

Ooh also, how do you tell if a girl has a boyfriend? That's what confuses me the most. They should have signs.

.

you could always ask them;)

you could always ask them;)
That's a little blunt isn't it? I'm looking for a more subtle way, like in the way they act, or what they say. Or something like that.

That's a little blunt isn't it?


Not at all. You cant just walk up to a girl whom youve never spoken with and say "hey do you have a bf?" But if you are conversing with a girl and you get good vibes and she is receptive to you, then its perfectly fine to ask them if they are seeing anyone. God knows youd hate to make a date with a girl and her bf find out. Hed be most unhappy with you. And some girls will go out with others even if she is spoken for, so be careful.

Sounds like you know how to get into relation ships and as for the second part: if it does, you aren't with the right person.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Thanks. :) But I've been getting shot down alot lately. Was seriously hoping for advice.

Yes, when I was younger. Men are idiots, we can't help it.
Traitor.
Yes to the first second and third. But the thing is, manners and chivalry don't seem to be respected anymore. It's so stupid. Oh, I also go to a school where everybody knows each other if that helps at all.
Oh cry why don’t you? Wait, I bet you already have. Pathetic.
Feminism killed chivalry and I couldn’t be happier.

Thing is, you probably aren’t good looking enough. There are plenty of nice guys who are good looking. Why should a chick concern herself with the likes of you when there are good looking nice guys out there? You’ll hear all these jealous buffoons say that jocks tend to be jerks or some shit like that. Bull. They just can’t accept the fact that their ugliness is a pure negative. Nothing about it is positive except perhaps a lower risk of STDs or unwanted pregnancy. A condom can do that.
Get over yourself.

That's what seems to keep cropping up whenever I look for advice. Besides confidence, are there any signs I should be looking for to know how to react to certain girls. Ooh also, how do you tell if a girl has a boyfriend? That's what confuses me the most. They should have signs.



Do girls not wear thier BFs class ring anymore?

That's what seems to keep cropping up whenever I look for advice. Besides confidence, are there any signs I should be looking for to know how to react to certain girls. Ooh also, how do you tell if a girl has a boyfriend? That's what confuses me the most. They should have signs.

Oh, gay guy- looks don't seems to matter for guys, heterosexual or homosexual. IT's weird, but sometimes the hottest girls go out with the ugliest, crappiest, rudest, guys out there.
Yeah, I should go make my sign right now! "Have Boyfriend" Nice and big and in a good color, like blue.
Yeah I see what you mean about the girls dating morons. Happens all the time. I think the real question isn't getting into a relationship, but maintaining it once you have it.
Girls and guys are on two different wavelengths: guys think that the girls will one day waltz up and say "Darling, I want to date you!" Girls think that being subtle is the important thing. Until the get desprit or figure out that guys never really catch on unless you spell it out in all caps flouresent letters.
So how do you know? You should know by how much attention she focuses on you like you guys are going somewhere with friends and if she's sincerely interested she'll focus on you like no one else. I'm serious just notice who she talks to the most in a group. After you realize she digs you, try not to come on too strong.

Traitor.

Oh cry why don’t you? Wait, I bet you already have. Pathetic.
Feminism killed chivalry and I couldn’t be happier.

Thing is, you probably aren’t good looking enough. There are plenty of nice guys who are good looking. Why should a chick concern herself with the likes of you when there are good looking nice guys out there? You’ll hear all these jealous buffoons say that jocks tend to be jerks or some shit like that. Bull. They just can’t accept the fact that their ugliness is a pure negative. Nothing about it is positive except perhaps a lower risk of STDs or unwanted pregnancy. A condom can do that.
Get over yourself.


my god, are you rude or what?? If you dont have anything constructive to add, then go away.

Ouch Undelia. I suddenly hate feminism. I have no idea whther I'm good looking or not. I can't figure out how to get pictures to here so you guys can't judge me. Eh, oh well. And no, I haven't cried, just moped and felt angry and... I don't know self pity. You're right, but, that's not what I'm here for.

I"m here for advice on how to get a girl, not someone saying I'm ugly.;)

Peech, good vibes? I think any girl that can stand me outside of school is giving off good vibes, but of course, lots of girls do, so. I'm guessing it's the self -esteem thing.

Traitor.

Oh cry why don’t you? Wait, I bet you already have. Pathetic.
Feminism killed chivalry and I couldn’t be happier.

Thing is, you probably aren’t good looking enough. There are plenty of nice guys who are good looking. Why should a chick concern herself with the likes of you when there are good looking nice guys out there? You’ll hear all these jealous buffoons say that jocks tend to be jerks or some shit like that. Bull. They just can’t accept the fact that their ugliness is a pure negative. Nothing about it is positive except perhaps a lower risk of STDs or unwanted pregnancy. A condom can do that.
Get over yourself.
Get over his self? *chuckles*

my god, are you rude or what?? If you dont have anything constructive to add, then go away.
The truth is harsh. He needs to hear it.

The truth is harsh. He needs to hear it.

I'm sorry, but you are sadly mistaken if you think looks are the most important thing to consider when dating. I'd date a sweet, funny, caring guy who may not be Jude Law over a guy with good looks and no personality any day. Looks and money can disappear in a matter of seconds.....personality and the ability to love someone is forever.

Yeah, I should go make my sign right now! "Have Boyfriend" Nice and big and in a good color, like blue.
Yeah I see what you mean about the girls dating morons. Happens all the time. I think the real question isn't getting into a relationship, but maintaining it once you have it.
Girls and guys are on two different wavelengths: guys think that the girls will one day waltz up and say "Darling, I want to date you!" Girls think that being subtle is the important thing. Until the get desprit or figure out that guys never really catch on unless you spell it out in all caps flouresent letters.
So how do you know? You should know by how much attention she focuses on you like you guys are going somewhere with friends and if she's sincerely interested she'll focus on you like no one else. I'm serious just notice who she talks to the most in a group. After you realize she digs you, try not to come on too strong.

Ahh... See that's what I'm looking for, I wish you would wear class rings or signs though. If you did wear that sign, I would praise your name. So would any guy besides your boyfriend that likes you. It makes it so much simpler. So, focus = good. Subliminal= bad. Sounds very good.

Wow, more people posted between when I started this and when I am ending this, fun fun. The truth shall make ye fret.- The Truth by Terry Pratchett

The truth is harsh. He needs to hear it.
actually it's really hard to find a nice guy, but it doesn't sound like you're all that choosey.

I'm sorry, but you are sadly mistaken if you think looks are the most important thing to consider when dating.So you say.
I'd date a sweet, funny, caring guy who may not be Jude Law over a guy with good looks and no personality any day. Looks and money can disappear in a matter of seconds.....personality and the ability to love someone is forever.
Oh please, spare me your outdated romantic love bullshit. Every other idea from the pre-enlightenment age has seriously disappeared. Why does this one hold on?

Ahh... See that's what I'm looking for, I wish you would wear class rings or signs though. If you did wear that sign, I would praise your name. So would any guy besides your boyfriend that likes you. It makes it so much simpler. So, focus = good. Subliminal= bad. Sounds very good.

Wow, more people posted between when I started this and when I am ending this, fun fun. The truth shall make ye fret.- The Truth by Terry Pratchett
Seems like the opposite is true, I start to get to know a guy and I mention my BF and it's like the guy is suddenly on the other side of the room chatting it up with another girl and I suddenly realize he wasn't talking to me because he liked my personality- he just wanted to date me. Its like something goes off in their mind: Oh not available, not worth being around.
In some aspects that's the true test of a guy- if he'll still stick around even when he thinks some other guy has/is going to get you. Proves he's there for YOU not just a few dates and some making out.

So you say.

Oh please, spare me your outdated romantic love bullshit. Every other idea from the pre-enlightenment age has seriously disappeared. Why does this one hold on?


You are a rude obnoxious troll and I cant believe youve made it to 3000+ posts without being swatted.

Seems like the opposite is true, I start to get to know a guy and I mention my BF and it's like the guy is suddenly on the other side of the room chatting it up with another girl and I suddenly realize he wasn't talking to me because he liked my personality- he just wanted to date me. Its like something goes off in their mind: Oh not available, not worth being around.
In some aspects that's the true test of a guy- if he'll still stick around even when he thinks some other guy has/is going to get you. Proves he's there for YOU not just a few dates and some making out.
Sorry about that, but it's true, when you want a girl for dating, if by chance, you find out they have a boyfriend, you tend to lose interest. Unless of course there's something completely enthralling about this girl. Another case is if the girl in question is already a good friend of yours. Which is where I'm at right now. Think about it, if a guy asked you(any girl, not just Atlita) out after being a good friend for a while, and you never suspected anything, how would you feel about him afterwards? Would you be a bit weirded out? Especially when he went and asked another girl out a few days or weeks later?

So you say.

Oh please, spare me your outdated romantic love bullshit. Every other idea from the pre-enlightenment age has seriously disappeared. Why does this one hold on?
Actually that would be a fairly modern idea because pre-enlightenment and even until a few hundred years ago people were betrothed for merely political/religous/financial reasons- not because they could chose who they wanted. Even when allowed to chose in most cases they were (this idea really has only began to decay recently) encouraged to marry as quickly as possible to someone who could bear children or provide, not because they thought the person funny or kind, but because it would be practical. You really need to study these things a little more before making moronic statements such as that one.

So you say.

Oh please, spare me your outdated romantic love bullshit. Every other idea from the pre-enlightenment age has seriously disappeared. Why does this one hold on?

So as long as someone is good looking, you would go out with them? No matter if they are an asshole or rude or mean and disrespectful to others?

You are a rude obnoxious troll and I cant believe youve made it to 3000+ posts without being swatted.
While this person does troll, bear in mind they they have a right to input, no matter how out-of-touch their claims may be as long as they do not use profain language, threaten, harrass, etc. I think they may be entitled to their input.

Ahh... See that's what I'm looking for, I wish you would wear class rings or signs though. If you did wear that sign, I would praise your name. So would any guy besides your boyfriend that likes you. It makes it so much simpler. So, focus = good. Subliminal= bad. Sounds very good.


With dread I enter this domain of romantic relationships but the urge to impose my advice upon others seems to have taken the better of me.

Allow me to make an assumption and in case I am ever so wrong consider the rest of my post non-sensical.
I will assume you are young male, attending high-school or just entered college. I'll assume you have never experianced intercourse.

You must anwser yourself honoustly if the prime reason for you to have a friend to share a romantic relation is either social or sexual.

In case it is the first, I can only assure you that such a relationship will useally evolve naturally over time. Maybe a good friend, maybe during a moment when you least expect it. Rarely do people go through life without a relationship.

If the urge to gain a girlfriend is for sexual reasons (which is a perfectly normal male trait) then I can only say that waiting for a few extra years doesn't matter. I will not even begin to attempt to cut the subject of "saving yourself for the right moment", but will say that most love making attempted before 18 or even 20 I find to be devoid of any true meaning or understanding of love.

As to make a comment about women being mysterious and uncomprehesible. Well such is the nature of womenfolk and I praise their subtlety which makes the process of courting much more subtle and enjoyable. I dread the day when women's faces turn red to indicate they are ovulating and we menfolk engage in beercan chrushing contests to woe them.

You are a rude obnoxious troll and I cant believe youve made it to 3000+ posts without being swatted.
I have a clean slate actually.
Unless of course there's something completely enthralling about this girl. Another case is if the girl in question is already a good friend of yours. Which is where I'm at right now
Oh God. You’re interested in a chick that’s your friend? Forget about it unless you’re completely comfortable with throwing away your friendship.

Actually that would be a fairly modern idea because pre-enlightenment and even until a few hundred years ago people were betrothed for merely political/religous/financial reasons- not because they could chose who they wanted. Even when allowed to chose in most cases they were (this idea really has only began to decay recently) encouraged to marry as quickly as possible to someone who could bear children or provide, not because they thought the person funny or kind, but because it would be practical. You really need to study these things a little more before making moronic statements such as that one.

Plus, you're saying that all other pre-enlightenment ideas are gone? Where do you get your facts? Atlita's right, marriage wasn't usually based on love back then. ALthough, what Undelia may be referring to is the ideals of pre-enlightenment era, which was all chivalry, and romance, and sweeping from the windows etc. In which case he/she/it would be partially correct, or so it would seem anyways.

Actually that would be a fairly modern idea because pre-enlightenment and even until a few hundred years ago people were betrothed for merely political/religous/financial reasons- not because they could chose who they wanted. Even when allowed to chose in most cases they were (this idea really has only began to decay recently) encouraged to marry as quickly as possible to someone who could bear children or provide, not because they thought the person funny or kind, but because it would be practical. You really need to study these things a little more before making moronic statements such as that one.
"Romantic love became a recognized passion in the Middle Ages, when in some cases insurmountable barriers of morality or convention separated the lovers. The effect of physical attraction and impossibility of intimacy resulted in an excessive regard of the beloved as extremely precious. Winning the love, or at least the attention, of the beloved, motivated great efforts of many kinds, such as poetry, song or feats of arms."
source (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_love)
Don’t challenge my knowledge of history, ever.

Sorry about that, but it's true, when you want a girl for dating, if by chance, you find out they have a boyfriend, you tend to lose interest. Unless of course there's something completely enthralling about this girl. Another case is if the girl in question is already a good friend of yours. Which is where I'm at right now. Think about it, if a guy asked you(any girl, not just Atlita) out after being a good friend for a while, and you never suspected anything, how would you feel about him afterwards? Would you be a bit weirded out? Especially when he went and asked another girl out a few days or weeks later?
Hm that's tough really depends on the guy (if I were single) there are some friends that I would feel completely awkward about being asked out by. I mean the friendship is good where its at. (Which kills me to say because playing the part of the person who will always be JUST a friend is no fun, but its true there are some guys who are the best friends a girl could wish for and I cannot even imagine dating.)
However, I can remember points where I've liked a guy enough where I could see something happening and would've liked trying for something, even if he asked someone else out. Asking someone else out doesn't actually put too much of a dent in things.

So as long as someone is good looking, you would go out with them? No matter if they are an asshole or rude or mean and disrespectful to others?
My only non-physical criterion is that they are interested in me

While this person does troll, bear in mind they they have a right to input, no matter how out-of-touch their claims may be as long as they do not use profain language, threaten, harrass, etc. I think they may be entitled to their input.

No actually, posters have a right to their input as long as they arent breaking forum rules. Trolling is one of them. There's no reason for what they said in their first post.

My only non-physical criterion is that they are interested in me

I see....then you have set extremely low standards for yourself I'm afraid.

"Romantic love became a recognized passion in the Middle Ages, when in some cases insurmountable barriers of morality or convention separated the lovers. The effect of physical attraction and impossibility of intimacy resulted in an excessive regard of the beloved as extremely precious. Winning the love, or at least the attention, of the beloved, motivated great efforts of many kinds, such as poetry, song or feats of arms."
source (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_love)
Don’t challenge my knowledge of history, ever.
Ano... there's a major difference between romantic courtly love and marriage at that time.

And Wiki, as it has been stated, is hardly an authoritive source.

With dread I enter this domain of romantic relationships but the urge to impose my advice upon others seems to have taken the better of me.

Allow me to make an assumption and in case I am ever so wrong consider the rest of my post non-sensical.
I will assume you are young male, attending high-school or just entered college. I'll assume you have never experianced intercourse.

You must anwser yourself honoustly if the prime reason for you to have a friend to share a romantic relation is either social or sexual.

In case it is the first, I can only assure you that such a relationship will useally evolve naturally over time. Maybe a good friend, maybe during a moment when you least expect it. Rarely do people go through life without a relationship.

If the urge to gain a girlfriend is for sexual reasons (which is a perfectly normal male trait) then I can only say that waiting for a few extra years doesn't matter. I will not even begin to attempt to cut the subject of "saving yourself for the right moment", but will say that most love making attempted before 18 or even 20 I find to be devoid of any true meaning or understanding of love.

As to make a comment about women being mysterious and uncomprehesible. Well such is the nature of womenfolk and I praise their subtlety which makes the process of courting much more subtle and enjoyable. I dread the day when women's faces turn red to indicate they are ovulating and we menfolk engage in beercan chrushing contests to woe them.

Ohh, pick me for the first. Sex before marriage sort of ruins it and takes away the exciting first moment I would think(my theory, living through others). Ya, trust me, the day I go into a relationship purely for sex is the day I start taking illegal drugs blowing up the white house with commonly found household materials etc. Good friend relationships do seem to screw everything if it doesn't work. Then you're thinking, hey, my best friend just asked me out. How long has he/she(I'm going to go with he for simplicity) felt about me this way? Does he really feel that way about me. How weird is this? Would it weird any of you out?

So here, I have to agree with Undelia, except of course that all my thoughts are theoretical. Which is of course why I'm up late looking for dating advice on an international server.

Wow, after reading the first thread I thought this entire thread would be full of sex advice and whatever. These answers are actually pretty good. So heres my two random questions of the moment.

1) Is flirting with your best friend considered inappropriate? Like I'm single, so it probably is, but I just want to know what you think. Technically I have two female best friends, who happen to be twins, so I don't want to make either one of them feel like I don't treasure them as much as the other. This is leading towards a downward spiral since I don't really want to favor one of them and make the other one think theres something up or I don't like her as much.

2) What is Rotovia planning this valentine's day. ;)

"Romantic love became a recognized passion in the Middle Ages, when in some cases insurmountable barriers of morality or convention separated the lovers. The effect of physical attraction and impossibility of intimacy resulted in an excessive regard of the beloved as extremely precious. Winning the love, or at least the attention, of the beloved, motivated great efforts of many kinds, such as poetry, song or feats of arms."
source (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_love)
Don’t challenge my knowledge of history, ever.
Even so, many of these "romantic loves" are not based on the person, but the yerning for them. Don't believe me? Read Shakespear's works did Romeo know Juliet? No. He felt emense compassion for her, but if you really read the plays (I refer to these because they are some of the most famous) no one spends any time actually becoming familiar with each other personalities, they fall in love on sight- which doesn't support your claim that pre-enlightenment ideals have been done away with except for dating someone based on character rather than looks.

Unfortunately, Rotovia has abandoned us.

Then focus on how much you enjoy seeing her and nothing else. Trust me, if you focus on those beautiful moments between two people who love each other, life is that much better.

Sorry to impose on Rotovia's thread, but no-one has offered the most obvious and useful advice about awkwardness:

Just kiss her. honestly. Physical contact - even if its just holding hands, touching her shoulder or back, whatever, can de-awkwardize any moment. Silence is much more pleasant if you both know that everyine is comfortable with the situation - the best way to do that is to be in contact in some other, natural way, ie. physical communication.
You don't have to worry about if its appropriate or not, unlike most poor first-date boys - after all, she is your girlfriend. Just enjoy it, and don't be afraid to maul her a little bit. Your fun will increase inversely to your awkwardness if you're not afraid of a little physical contact.
mmm ok, good advice i think. sad thing is i've never been on a date in my life (i'm 20 FFS :() and i really don't know what to expect - or even know how i'll handle myself. i'm just gonna play it by ear and hope things turn out ok, keeping those things in mind (thanks) *crosses fingers* she seems to like me for who i am so i guess i should stick to being myself (or as close as i can bearing in mind the nervousness)

i'm such a noob :p

edit:


Oh please, spare me your outdated romantic love bullshit. Every other idea from the pre-enlightenment age has seriously disappeared. Why does this one hold on?
because it would appear to be an integral part of human nature, and there's no reason for it to change.
what is so wrong with that 'outdated romantic bullshit' that you feel the need to attack it?

if its true for some people - if some people choose to keep that romantic love BS alive - then why stop them? maybe you don't believe in it; maybe you've had bad experiences, but don't stop the rest of us from pursuing it: maybe its idealistic, maybe its romanticised, maybe its even naive, but if you can find two people who believe in it and care for each other, then those two are going to be great together. why should you stop them or discourage them?

i don't have the greatest experience in these matters... hell, i don't know if what i'm saying even makes sense, but your bitterness isn't going to deter me from pursuing such 'outdated' romantic notions. i love the idea of romancing my girl - making her feel special; i love the idea that there's more to dating and relationships than looks (because there is!), so you can be bitter and tell us we're unrealistic or outdated all you like because its not going to change our type.

mmm ok, good advice i think. sad thing is i've never been on a date in my life (i'm 20 FFS :() and i really don't know what to expect - or even know how i'll handle myself. i'm just gonna play it by ear and hope things turn out ok, keeping those things in mind (thanks) *crosses fingers* she seems to like me for who i am so i guess i should stick to being myself (or as close as i can bearing in mind the nervousness)
*Pulls out a large bat, looks at it, tosses it away. Pulls out large, dead, cod and starts to beat you about your head and shoulders*
WILL you stop that?

Ok, I know this is your first date, and the first time you are meeting face to face, but honestly, be yourself and you have nothing to worry about. If you've used the facelessness of the Net to let yourself relax and be your true self, then she already knows you. The fact that it's been going on for a long distance relationship for this long AND she's willing to meet you gives hope that you'll be fine.

Since she knows you already, just relax and enjoy it. You know her, she knows you. All you're doing is a kind of a really advanced real time chat. ;)

actually it's really hard to find a nice guy, but it doesn't sound like you're all that choosey.

No, it's really not. Look for the quiet, socially awkward ones. They are either nice guys or serial killers waiting to happen, and either way, getting to know them is a good thing. Unlike murderers and rapists, serial killers target people they don't know ;) (kidding about the whole second half of that, before anybody jumps me)

*Pulls out a large bat, looks at it, tosses it away. Pulls out large, dead, cod and starts to beat you about your head and shoulders*
WILL you stop that?

Ok, I know this is your first date, and the first time you are meeting face to face, but honestly, be yourself and you have nothing to worry about. If you've used the facelessness of the Net to let yourself relax and be your true self, then she already knows you. The fact that it's been going on for a long distance relationship for this long AND she's willing to meet you gives hope that you'll be fine.

Since she knows you already, just relax and enjoy it. You know her, she knows you. All you're doing is a kind of a really advanced real time chat. ;)
oh fair enough :p
if you say so ;) :fluffle:

Just to say Huw, that a lot of the advice has been really good:

Take a deep breath and remember she's probally just as nervous as you. A handy trick I've picked over the years is to put alot of time into preparing yourself before a date. For some reason if you feel good about how you're looking, you feel alot more confident. If you start to feel nervous, just slow it on down and remember to smile.

In the worst case scenario, she'll probally think it's cute.
Huw, I've seen videos of you and heard recordings of you and heard you on the phone when you've felt nervous and either said so or I've been able to tell and that didn't change a single feeling for you and just made me smile for some reason :p
*hugs*

Then focus on how much you enjoy seeing her and nothing else. Trust me, if you focus on those beautiful moments between two people who love each other, life is that much better.
:)

Just kiss her. honestly. Physical contact - even if its just holding hands, touching her shoulder or back, whatever, can de-awkwardize any moment. Silence is much more pleasant if you both know that everyine is comfortable with the situation - the best way to do that is to be in contact in some other, natural way, ie. physical communication.
You don't have to worry about if its appropriate or not, unlike most poor first-date boys - after all, she is your girlfriend. Just enjoy it, and don't be afraid to maul her a little bit. Your fun will increase inversely to your awkwardness if you're not afraid of a little physical contact.
I like this advice ;)
This is one of the reasons I said to you Huw about not thinking you'll be too forward with physical contact and about me being fairly forward that way, because I feel more confident and comfortable with that and it can make things easier. I would explain why if it hadn't already been explained so well, but a quick example I can think of is if you compare imagining walking side by side without touching to walking with our arms round each other or holding hands. The second seems far less awkward.

*Pulls out a large bat, looks at it, tosses it away. Pulls out large, dead, cod and starts to beat you about your head and shoulders*
WILL you stop that?

Ok, I know this is your first date, and the first time you are meeting face to face, but honestly, be yourself and you have nothing to worry about. If you've used the facelessness of the Net to let yourself relax and be your true self, then she already knows you. The fact that it's been going on for a long distance relationship for this long AND she's willing to meet you gives hope that you'll be fine.

Since she knows you already, just relax and enjoy it. You know her, she knows you. All you're doing is a kind of a really advanced real time chat.
The bolded bit is especially true, for me to remember as well. You know I like all the various sides of you (soppy, serious, crazy, random, dirty, general chatting etc) and you make me laugh and cheer me up and, just like we don't really hold back with those sides of ourselves online, we don't have to hold back in real life because we both know that we love all those things about each other. That doesn't mean it will be instantly easy but if you start asking yourself "how will she respond to this?" when you're with me you can remind yourself that you already know how I respond to things like that - postively! :)

Anyway, I'm rambling now.
Ttyl. Love you :)

-snip-

you have an email :) :fluffle:

dear mr. Rotovia- sir,

how do i get more confident with women?

thank you

dear mr. Rotovia- sir,

how do i get more confident with women?

thank you

Smile. And talk to them. They're human too (although judging by what goes on here... hmmm... :p )

You just really have to bite the bullet and say to yourself "Ah, for fucks sake- come on."

One thing women love; is a confident and assured guy (confident, not cocky.)

Smile. And talk to them. They're human too (although judging by what goes on here... hmmm... :p )

You just really have to bite the bullet and say to yourself "Ah, for fucks sake- come on."

One thing women love; is a confident and assured guy (confident, not cocky.)

:o your rotovia- too??? :p

:o your rotovia- too??? :p
Or you could always bring her home to Stab City ;)

Or you could always bring her home to Stab City ;)

:eek:
you know about Limerick!!!
i could just give her a present of a knife, the girls round here love that :p