NationStates Jolt Archive

In a stunning display of bullshit dissemination of Rumsfeldian proportions, the new spokesperson for the Iraqi Interior Ministry laid to rest the concerns of millions who have been pondering that one all-encompassing question:

"Would Iraq ever be able to adequately replace Comical Ali?"

You remember Comical right? The old Minister of Disinformation who was screaming about the Infidels grinding themselves to dust at the gates of Baghdad even as the Abrahms tanks rolled right by his streetcorner?

Well, his successors seem to have studied well. Their BS-Fu is mighty, and they are ready to asume the mantle of their predecessor.

This was made aparent yesterday by the rediculous assertion of one Hussein Al Garawi (http://www.tradearabia.com/tanews/newsdetails_snDEF_article99711_cnt.html) who, when asked about the report issued by the US Military on January 23rd detailing volume of the past year's insurgent attacks, and setting the total number at over 34,000 replied:


'These [attack statistics] are just numbers, but the reality is very different,'

'The increased number of attacks was just a response to our successes in targeting the insurgents.'

'The bombings are just a way for the insurgency to vent its anger over our efficiency,' he added.


Ah yes.

That's it.

They bomb you because you are so successfull.... at stopping them bombing you. Yes indeedy! You are so successfull at stopping them that they only mustered up a mere 100 attacks a day!

Of course, if this IS true, then one must assume the logical corollery to this statement. That being that if you were to STOP targetting insurgents they would become less angry and bomb you less often. Become friendly, good-natured insurgents who have no need to be .... insurgents.

Except that they ARE insurgents.

Which implies....

That a logical merry-go-round like this can make a guy dizzy.


But there you have it.

Insurgent attacks keep escalating because the government is so very effective at stopping them.

Believe it as you will.

In closing, I just want to take this opportunity to recall the best of Comical, and think about them in the context of this current spokesperson's quote:


"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all!"
"We will kill them all........most of them."
"Yesterday, we slaughtered them and we will continue to slaughter them."
"Yes, the [enemy] troops have advanced further. This will only make it easier for us to defeat them"

and, of course,

"The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!"


Can't disagree with him much on that last one...

We have to be there to blow them up and kill their children and women so that they'll embrace christianity and not be sinners. Our massacring their people is incredibly righteous and good for them.


:-D



Yeah, yeah, I know, there is apparantly some weird reason why we're there which doesn't have to do with turning them in to "good democratic christians."


I never caught it though.


Yay for us bombing them and our troops there getting bombed for bombing them for not killing 3000 people in our country because they weren't the ones who did it anyway!

Oh, wait.

Yeah, but ...


"We are winning!"

Too bad that "winning" is an incredibly vague term when it comes to war. There's no such thing as clearly winning.

Esecially when


"Those Iraqi fighters are slapping those gangsters on the face, and then when they flee, they will kick their backsides."



:p

Ahem, let me clear my throat.

While we're at it, let's go ahead and get on the jury of the Saddam trial, and let him free, and invite him to come live in the USA. Osama too. Let's minimize the US Military, so that we can't defend ourselves. Let's give Iran uranium enrichment plans. Actually, let's stop teaching about IEDs in Basic Training. Then we as soldiers can be more lax in the Sandbox, so the insurgents can maybe look at us as friends, and maybe kill us outright with firearms instead of blowing us up on the streets. Let's encourage terrorism, and demoralize the USA. Let's call the US Armed Forces "crapjobs" at what they do, because you know, they suck at looking out for themselves on the streets of Baghdad, when you can't tell who's your friend or foe. All US forces suck, because they can't see the IED planted into the sidewalk. Because, we all know success should never come with work and sacrifice. Let's tell the men coming back from Iraq that they did nothing. I mean, they didn't. Screw them. Maybe we should go over there and go ahead and plant more IEDs, so NO troops will come home. Then we wouldn't even have to bother with telling them they suck. Plus, it'd help the economy by the amount of American flags we could produce for the funerals. And then, and only then, could the media be true in saying, "Liberals have won."

Ahem, let me clear my throat.

While we're at it, let's go ahead and get on the jury of the Saddam trial, and let him free, and invite him to come live in the USA. Osama too. Let's minimize the US Military, so that we can't defend ourselves. Let's give Iran uranium enrichment plans. Actually, let's stop teaching about IEDs in Basic Training. Then we as soldiers can be more lax in the Sandbox, so the insurgents can maybe look at us as friends, and maybe kill us outright with firearms instead of blowing us up on the streets. Let's encourage terrorism, and demoralize the USA. Let's call the US Armed Forces "crapjobs" at what they do, because you know, they suck at looking out for themselves on the streets of Baghdad, when you can't tell who's your friend or foe. All US forces suck, because they can't see the IED planted into the sidewalk. Because, we all know success should never come with work and sacrifice. Let's tell the men coming back from Iraq that they did nothing. I mean, they didn't. Screw them. Maybe we should go over there and go ahead and plant more IEDs, so NO troops will come home. Then we wouldn't even have to bother with telling them they suck. Plus, it'd help the economy by the amount of American flags we could produce for the funerals. And then, and only then, could the media be true in saying, "Liberals have won."


Umm, the liberals are mostly just angry that we're fighting a war for no reason, and we want who we're far more sure are the real criminals (the Al Queida terrorists) punished, or at least investigated, unlike they barely were just after 9/11. But then again, if the White House had paid any attention at all to the signs which pointed stright at Al Queida before 9/11, maybe 9/11 never would have happened, and we wouldn't be in this retarded mess, where we're attacking the crater of a country which is Iraq for no reason, and can't leave because the area is still incredibly unstable.

Asshole.

Ahem, let me clear my throat.

While we're at it, let's go ahead and get on the jury of the Saddam trial, and let him free, and invite him to come live in the USA. Osama too. Let's minimize the US Military, so that we can't defend ourselves. Let's give Iran uranium enrichment plans. Actually, let's stop teaching about IEDs in Basic Training. Then we as soldiers can be more lax in the Sandbox, so the insurgents can maybe look at us as friends, and maybe kill us outright with firearms instead of blowing us up on the streets. Let's encourage terrorism, and demoralize the USA. Let's call the US Armed Forces "crapjobs" at what they do, because you know, they suck at looking out for themselves on the streets of Baghdad, when you can't tell who's your friend or foe. All US forces suck, because they can't see the IED planted into the sidewalk. Because, we all know success should never come with work and sacrifice. Let's tell the men coming back from Iraq that they did nothing. I mean, they didn't. Screw them. Maybe we should go over there and go ahead and plant more IEDs, so NO troops will come home. Then we wouldn't even have to bother with telling them they suck. Plus, it'd help the economy by the amount of American flags we could produce for the funerals. And then, and only then, could the media be true in saying, "Liberals have won."


Hey, that's almost as good a bullshit over-the-top response as the one I was pointing out and laughing at!


Good job!






Oh? Sorry. But did you not notice that the thread was about laughing at dumbass propoganda statements and in no way a commentary on the war itself?

Yay for us bombing them and our troops there getting bombed for bombing them for not killing 3000 people in our country because they weren't the ones who did it anyway! Oh, wait.

oh, wait.. you almost said too much of the truth there. better can it before they get the idea to steal you out of your bed tonight! but if you mysteriously disappear we'll know what happened..

Oh? Sorry. But did you not notice that the thread was about laughing at dumbass propoganda statements and in no way a commentary on the war itself?


Yeah, I know, but everyone knows that any mention of propoganda begs us to argue on the war.

Ahem, let me clear my throat.
I think a lot of guesses as to what's in your throat are something along the lines of what First Lady Laura Bush was alluding to her husband milking here ...

He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse.
-2005 White House Correspondents' Association dinner, April 2005.

Yeah, I know, but everyone knows that any mention of propoganda begs us to argue on the war.


That or Bushism's... or O'Reilly 'n Coulter.

But it's far more fun poking fun at official sources.... a certain Whitehouse spokesperson, for example, is always fun to listen too as he comes with new and imaginitive ways not to answer questions.

We have to be there to blow them up and kill their children and women so that they'll embrace christianity and not be sinners. Our massacring their people is incredibly righteous and good for them.
:-D
Yeah, yeah, I know, there is apparantly some weird reason why we're there which doesn't have to do with turning them in to "good democratic christians."
I never caught it though.
Yay for us bombing them and our troops there getting bombed for bombing them for not killing 3000 people in our country because they weren't the ones who did it anyway!
Oh, wait.
But I'm sure you forgot Clinton's lack of carring durring the Rwandan genocide didn't you?

But I'm sure you forgot Clinton's lack of carring durring the Rwandan genocide didn't you?


No-one has forgot that.

Still, as egregious as the act of ignoring suffering may be, it's still a big step up from causing it - so your attempt to equivalence the two falls way short.

But I'm sure you forgot Clinton's lack of carring durring the Rwandan genocide didn't you?


Does that make this any better?

But I'm sure you forgot Clinton's lack of caring during the Rwandan genocide didn't you?

uhhh.. needless to say the US of A only "helps" nations when there's something "in it for us."

Vegetarianistica']uhhh.. needless to say the US of A only "helps" nations when there's something "in it for us."


They usually at least try to rebuild after they really screw up a country in war.

... which is some more proof that we lost Vietnam, they rebuilt themselves.


*puts on flame retardant armor*