NationStates Jolt Archive

So... barring all deaths in the family and such other emotional catastrophies, i would have to say these past 2 days have been my worse ever.

A little backround.

It all started 2 or 3 weeks ago; i was taking my normal morning.. err... bowl movement... when behold! the toilet paper was red. Not just alittle red, but bright red, that is to say...blood red!

So i go to the doctors, tell them im crapping blood, describe the blood, how my bum feels... they tell me they need to stick a camera up my butt. I didnt have much choice...it was either be sodomized by a camera on a stick or have some alien chest burster (or colon burster) come popping out of me in the near future.

so the weeks go by, and i take the opportunity to get out of as much work as i can... but the big day is finally looming. First off, i cant eat the whole day before the procedure. I like to eat. Alot. So this sucked big time... i hate to say how hungry i was that day when there are little starving ethiopians who eat nothing but sand down in africa...but im a spoiled american and i would have gladly killed a man for a cheeseburger.

it gets worse though...because i also had to 'evacuate" twice before the deed was done. Now by evacuate i dont mean escape a burning building, i mean i had, to put it bluntly, get the crap out of system. So i got 2 big ol' enema whosawhatsits... not to bad? right?

wrong. my only previous experiences with enemas had been in comedies (dracula dead and loving it and evolution to be exact). i was vaguely aware of what they did, but i didnt grasp the full scope of their evil till i read the first step on the directions.

step 1: remove cap, insert into rectum.

suddenly my mind is polarized. My man organ is like 'for the love of all that's straight and good in the wolrd! don't do it!" my brain is like "but doctor's order..." my butt is in shock and my right hand wants to rub one out.

long story short i had to do it. twice in 24 hours.... warned against on the box but what can i say...doctor's orders.

the procedure itself wasnt too bad. i got to wear a silly hat and got drugged up. They screwed up my iv first time around and broke the vein or some crap so i had to get poked twice... but the whole operation went as planned and now i have some sweet pictures of the inside of my guts.

of course the pictures didnt reveal much...no alien colon bursters, no polyps. so im gonna have to wait on a biopsy now and pray i never have to administer an enema on myself again.

anyways im here and half delerious from the drugs and hunger and i felt like writing to pass the time before i can eat... hope this isnt too much for the mods

Nothing like someone else's problems to make me feel relatively good about my day...

my condolences for your problems though, and I do hope you get better.;)

I suffer from IBS, so I understand how awful problems of this nature can be (at least on some level). However, I've never had any of those horrible treatments.

My cousin had similar problems to yourself, but they never found a reason, which was of course deeply frustrating. The one upside is that, according to the medics, it was likely to be a one-off and therefore nothing major. Whether or not they do find a reason for your problem (hopefully they will), I hope that it is not serious and that it goes away as quickly as possible. Best of luck.

Experts have actually confirmed that this time of year is most likely to be the worst, emotionally anyway.

Experts have actually confirmed that this time of year is most likely to be the worst, emotionally anyway.
Experts in Britain say that TODAy, this exact day, is the worst day of the year.

Now add to that all the poor Liberals who woke up this morning hoping that yesterdays election was a bad dream, and I'm guessing the suicide rate went up dramatically today in Starbucks and Birckenstocks outlets everywhere! :D

Thats pretty bad... when I had apendicitis (sp?), a doctor jammed his thumb up my ass.

I'm now considering a tattoo on my lower back saying "EXIT ONLY," with an arrow pointing in the general area.

dude, my heart goes out to you.

for future reference (learn from this): you would use worst in this case, since it's a superlative.

This is the worst day of my life.

worse is used for comparison between two things...

I am worse than you are.

it gets worse though...because i also had to 'evacuate" twice before the deed was done. Now by evacuate i dont mean escape a burning building, i mean i had [...] to get the crap out of system
That line is gold.

ok dude. I need you two understand 2 (two) things:
1. I am really sorry, and I've been wondering about enemas meself. I hope all goes well for you
2. Whether you meant for it to be funny or not, I laughed...sorry...:headbang:

i was vaguely aware of what they did, but i didnt grasp the full scope of their evil till i read the first step on the directions.

step 1: remove cap, insert into rectum.

suddenly my mind is polarized. My man organ is like 'for the love of all that's straight and good in the wolrd! don't do it!" my brain is like "but doctor's order..." my butt is in shock and my right hand wants to rub one out.

That is the part that got me.

So, was it good for you? Did you need a cigarette afterwards?

So, was it good for you? Did you need a cigarette afterwards?
Did [your doctor] at least buy you flowers first?

Ahh... I love schadenfreude! :D

Ouch.

Definitely not an experience you'd want a repeat of ...

So... barring all deaths in the family and such other emotional catastrophies, i would have to say these past 2 days have been my worse ever.

A little backround.

It all started 2 or 3 weeks ago; i was taking my normal morning.. err... bowl movement... when behold! the toilet paper was red. Not just alittle red, but bright red, that is to say...blood red!

At this point you had my thinking: oh no not a 'my first period story'! This is from a female perspective...

Anyway the rest of it clarified things for me.

And I thought my day was bad. That must've been awful not to mention embarassing. What's worse is not knowing what's wrong with you... I really hope that that doesn't happen to you again. Poor you...