NationStates Jolt Archive

All this Manos Hands of Fate, and I come in Peace Talk has me thinking....What is the worst, most fowl, 90-120mins of garbage you ever sat through.


Now dig deep people i'm not just talkin about "Scream sucked" we all know scream and it's sequels sucked, but I'm talkin about real trash. Like Howard the Duck or...

Halloween III
Carnosaur (and it's sequels)

and

Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown just to name a few.

Anyone who's ever seen a real timewaster and want to rant about it to get your two hours back feel free. That is what this thread is for. Enjoy!!!

Agreed, Halloween 3 was horrible.... RENT was really bad too, though that's somewhat of a different category. I would have to say AVP was really bad too.

.....can't forget Jack Frost and its sequels...

AVP was terrible. So was House of the Dead..all 5 minutes i saw of it.

Jersey Girl was pretty bad as well

*edit*

Oh there was also a Nick FUry movie starring David Hasselhoff. wtf was sci fi channel thinking?

Ah, yes, House of the Dead... leave it to Uwe Boll to make a horrible movie. Bloodrayne, anyone?

I would say that what I saw of Paparazzi was bad and the Transporter was a joke.

Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires

The title speaks for itself. I've sat through it several times, and own it on DVD. The reason why? I know one of the actors in it, and there is a funny as hell scene where he gets hit on the head with a frying pan.

Did I mention it has gratuitous nudity? Sadly, she is quite possibly the largest woman I have ever seen, and I've seen much more of her than I would ever want to. Images scared into my brain of two gigantic breasts flying out of a shirt followed by the rolls of fat, and then she gets up and reveals she is wearing nothing more than a thong.


*shudder*
Please kill me now.

The Last Boy Scout

Thank god Tony Scott has moved onto cool, experimental shit like Man on Fire and Domino.

Bloodsucking Freaks was another one.

oh and the Leperchaun movies...as much as i enjoy watching jennifer aniston being tortured by a small green man. It was just crap.

"Fuck you lucky charms"--best quote from that movie.

Eight Legged Freaks

*throws up a little*

House of a thousand corpses was literally shit on film. Modern Vampires was even worse. And, watching just about any movie they played on MST 3000 without Joel (or Mike) and the robots

C.H.U.D. was terrbile, but then again i own it.

watching daniel stern fight off super mutants, and an awesome john goodman cameo is just funny.

Red Dawn

1980's crap about how red neck middle America teens fight the Commies when they attack! :sniper:

or DC Cab (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085387/)

watched it as a kid. only movie where you can get MR. T, Gary Busey, Bill Maher, and the Barbarian brothers together.

Has anyone seen "Camp"? Worst movie ever. Granted, it's independent, but still. Just foul.

I also think "Van Helsing" belongs on this list.

Oh my, a "horror" film named The Nostril Picker is without a doubt the worst film I have ever seen. Let me put it this way, the film is called The Nostril Picker. The character to which this refers picks his nose once in the film.
A memorable line would be when "The Nostril Picker" jumps out at a babysitter and in the stupidest voice you can imagine:

"I'm gonna slice ya!"

After which he cuts off the babysitters fingers. Did I say fingers, I meant sausages attached to her hand loaded with ketchup. Terrible.

Has anyone seen "Camp"? Worst movie ever. Granted, it's independent, but still. Just foul.

I also think "Van Helsing" belongs on this list.
Van Helsing was a disappointment. The only one who knew enough to play it for parody was the guy playing Dracula, and he'd have been great if he's been playing opposite Abbott and Costello, only he wasn't.

Though I have to say I liked the detail of the steam coming out of Frankenstein's knee with every step. (pfft...pfft...pfft...)

Van Helsing was a disappointment. The only one who knew enough to play it for parody was the guy playing Dracula, and he'd have been great if he's been playing opposite Abbott and Costello, only he wasn't.

Though I have to say I liked the detail of the steam coming out of Frankenstein's knee with every step. (pfft...pfft...pfft...)


the production was the only thing going for that movie

I tend to hate movies others like and admire, so my worst list includes:

Blade Runner -- I so did not give a shit about these replicants. I mean, I just didn't. And if it was, as it seemed, a fifteen minute drive to get to the nice, green, idyllic countryside where The Man couldn't get them, then why did we have to sit through all that boring, smoggy crap in the rest of the movie?

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy -- I watch it over and over, hoping that I'm wrong and it doesn't stink as much as I thought, but it does, every time. That horrendous dialogue. Those endless rounds of expressionless reaction shots. :headbang: And here's a question for ya -- if the big giant eyeball wants the ring so bad, why is it so difficult for Frodo to bring it to Mordor? I mean, I would think Sauron would send a limo for him or something, and then the trick would be to toss it into the volcano when Sauron's not looking. But it shouldn't have taken a whole trilogy just to get into evil headquarters. (Another question: Is there an anti-shampoo clause in all of Vigo Mortensen's contracts?)

Dune -- Worse than Manos. Worse than Independence Day. Hell, damn, worse than Catalina Caper. Dune is my vote for worst movie ever made in the history of film, and I'll tell you why: Not only did it have horrendously bad dialogue, music, effects, sets/costumes, action sequences, lighting, editing, etc.; not only did it force some of the best actors then available to make sad, sad fools of themselves; what really puts it ahead of all the others is the infinite expanse of pretentiousness that came with it. My god in heaven, what a piece of steaming crap wrapped up in gold foil. Blech.

the dune mini series was pretty bad.

children of dune i think it was.

Bad films .... oh I know a lot of them ....

Killer Klowns From Outer Space
Troll 2
Anus Magillicutty
Kazaam
Monster a-Go Go
Gigli
Battlefield Earth
Ator l'invincibile 2 (Cave Dwellers)
From Justin to Kelly

The list goes on and on. I would think that there would be some unspoken law somewhere that says when you make a film, you should at least know something about film making.

the production was the only thing going for that movie
Yeah, but I'm bored with CGI. I need a movie to go with it. I wish they'd just gone for the comedy already. There hasn't been a really good horror comedy since Reanimator.

The Dead Hate the Living. This movie was a special kind of bad. Picture the set up: a group of low budget film makers break into an abandoned mental institution to shoot their zombie movie. As they explore ('cause apparently real film makers don't need to scout locations) they find a giant steel sarcophagus in the basement...and a REAL dead body! So they stick the body in the sarcophagus (which quivers when the door slams because its made of cheap latex without enough newspaper under it) and open a gate to....ZOMBIE WORLD! Enter a few hundred zombies lead by a king zombie who looks like the bastard child of Frank Zappa and Rob Zombie. Oh, and some of the zombies are mutants. Not really sure why. Then theres the big twist at the end where the two main characters escape only to discover that they didn't open a portal to zombie world, but that the whole hospital was transported there.

Music by Penis Flytrap

And they said Full Moon couldn't go any lower than Dollman vs Demonic Toys!

didn't full moon make puppet master v demonic toys as well?

Blade Runner -- I so did not give a shit about these replicants.

Question for you: how many replicants were on the loose?

didn't full moon make puppet master v demonic toys as well?

Probably. At the end I'm sure they had to put aside their differences to fight Nazis or ancient vampires or something.

Edit: Holy crap they did....staring Corey Feldman!

the dune mini series was pretty bad.

children of dune i think it was.
Yup, agreed. And in the tradition of the original movie, it had Susan Sarandon, proving that her career is good and over.

didnt it also have willam hurt?

Question for you: how many replicants were on the loose?
I have no frigging idea. The whole damned cast seemed like replicants to me.

i also think most of those sci fi original movies should be on here


boa
boa v. python
manticore
return of the living dead 4 &5

etc.

didnt it also have willam hurt?
Did it? I guess I missed him under those Japanese anime costumes.

I have no frigging idea. The whole damned cast seemed like replicants to me.

Then we clearly have a case of you missing the entire point of the film.

I will say blade runner was a good film. not many people in my lifetime have agreed with me though.


showtime made a blade runner tv show for like 3 episodes. it was horrible.

i also think most of those sci fi original movies should be on here


boa
boa v. python
manticore
return of the living dead 4 &5

etc.
Yet, SciFi has made two non-crappy movies that I highly recommend:

7 Days to Live, starring the under-rated, and unfortunately named, Sean Pertwee, and

Jackie Chan's Metal Mayhem -- 'nuff said.

Then we clearly have a case of you missing the entire point of the film.
In your opinion. In my opinion, we have a case of the screenwriters failing to make the audience care about the characters.

I have actually watched this movie 5 times (like LOTR, I keep hoping I'll stop hating it), and since you want me to think about it, there were, I believe, at least 4 replicants with speaking parts. And yes, I get the SF philosophy in the story, etc, etc. My problem is with the movie, not the story per se. The movie didn't have to be as boring as it was, because it had good material to work with.

The worst movie I have ever seen:

Biker Zombies from Detroit

when it comes to scifi channel goodies theres always the

interceptor force series

Yet, SciFi has made two non-crappy movies that I highly recommend:

7 Days to Live, starring the under-rated, and unfortunately named, Sean Pertwee, and

Jackie Chan's Metal Mayhem -- 'nuff said.
Oh, and Dog Soldiers.

How could I forget that? It might be their best ever.

I will say blade runner was a good film. not many people in my lifetime have agreed with me though.


showtime made a blade runner tv show for like 3 episodes. it was horrible.
No. Most people agree with you on this one. Blade runner is awesome.


Battlefield Earth, Anakonda, Solo....those are Bad movies. But nothing can compare with Hangman's Curse.

CANNIBAL WOMEN IN THE AVOCADO JUNGLE OF DEATH

Rated PG-13 (There is nudity though.)
Copyright 1988 Gaucamolle Pictures.
Reviewed a long time ago.


Dr. Margo Hunt - Shannon Tweed! Professor of Feminist Studies.
Bunny - Every liberated woman's nightmare, but she wants to be a feminist. This girl has more outfits than you can shake a stick at.
Jim - Bill Maher! Inept guide who once had a one night stand with Margo.
Dr. Kurtz - Another feminist, author of "Smart Women, Stupid Insensitive Men." Throws herself into a pool of Piranhas in the end.
Colonel Mattel - Head of the National Security Commission on Avocado Affairs. He has one eye.
Piranha Women - Savage feminists who believe men should be killed and eaten with guacamolle dip.
Barracuda Women - Savage feminists who believe men should be killed and eaten with clam dip.


Talk about strange and wonderous things! This film is full of camp, not only is southern California transformed into wild avocado jungle but it is inhabited by man eating feminists! Shannon Tweed, whose breasts have starred in numerous films, is a teacher of women's studies! Then of course there is Bunny, this girl is every teenage guy's dream and every feminists nightmare - but she wants to be a progressive woman. There are plenty of little gags here and there, most of them involving Maher and Bunny being boneheads. Dr. Hunt is recruited by the U.S. Government to make liaison with the Pirahna Women and hires Jim as her guide. After encountering vicious hippos, catfish, and Donnahews (men who knit and cook) the explorers discover the Pirahna women are led by a savage ex-feminist and poised to wage war! Bunny nearly joins the cannibals but is unable to complete the initiation rite, which involves her making love to then consuming Jim. Everything works out in the end though, Kurtz is slain, Jim and Bunny marry, and Dr. Hunt returns to her college. A fun film with plenty of women running around in leather loincloths and tops.


Most of southern California is virgin jungle.
Girls just want to tear men into strips and eat them with gaucamolle dip.
An hour and a half of feminine nonsense punctuated with half-nude women is tolerable.
Bill Maher is the last real man but he looks fairly effeminate in a white neck kerchief.
There are leopards living wild in California.
Lost female tribes speak French.
If given a choice between Bill Maher or Shannon Tweed in their underwear I would pick the latter.
Bunny has a damn lot of clothes, what is up with this girl?


3 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
4 mins - Pretty pale skin for living in a jungle her whole life.
14 mins - Now this is a shirt.
18 mins - That's a pretty small barrel for a .44 Magnum, maybe it's a 44 Magnum divided by 2?
19 mins - Bunny in one of many outfits, where she keeps them nobody knows.
38 mins - Mallards in a tropical rain forest?
46 mins - Just conjuring up cases of beer huh? But why Old Milwaukee? Ugh.
75 mins - The compound must be right on the international date line, one side is day the other night.

No. Most people agree with you on this one. Blade runner is awesome.


Battlefield Earth, Anakonda, Solo....those are Bad movies. But nothing can compare with Hangman's Curse.
I said when I opened this can of worms that I'm in the minority. A lot of people love the 3 movies I hate the most. Oh, well.

In your opinion. In my opinion, we have a case of the screenwriters failing to make the audience care about the characters.

I have actually watched this movie 5 times (like LOTR, I keep hoping I'll stop hating it), and since you want me to think about it, there were, I believe, at least 4 replicants with speaking parts.



Roy Batty, Pris, Zhora, Leon and Deckard

CANNIBAL WOMEN IN THE AVOCADO JUNGLE OF DEATH
<snip>
I propose the following:

Goodness/Badness is a continuum. A movie can only get so bad before it becomes good again. Rule of thumb: Any movie with "Of Death" in the title is likely to be good.

Example: the movie above. Also, Blood Bath in the House of Death. Any others?

Here's a really obscure example of a movie so bad it's good: Salome, Where She Danced. It's a western. It has a Chinese guy who speaks with a Scots accent, aye, laddie. The TV Guide magazine used to show it every other Saturday and described it as a "breathtaking stew."

It has a Chinese guy who speaks with a Scots accent, aye, laddie.

Are you now claiming that no Chinese people have Scots accents?

Roy Batty, Pris, Zhora, Leon and Deckard

>Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, Gummo<

This isn't a trivia quiz. Like I said, who cares? What possible difference does it make what their names are?

I said when I opened this can of worms that I'm in the minority. A lot of people love the 3 movies I hate the most. Oh, well.
No worries. I don't hate LOTR movies but I don't think they are so great either. There are some very popular films that I don't like: Black Hawk Down, Independence Day, Titanic, Saving Private Ryan...

Are you now claiming that no Chinese people have Scots accents?
The actor wasn't Chinese.

EDIT: He wasn't Scots, either.

>Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, Gummo<

This isn't a trivia quiz. Like I said, who cares? What possible difference does it make what their names are?

The fact that one of the replicants is the detective character played by Harrison Ford is what makes the difference.

D&D
Highlander 2
King Kong (from P.J.)
Species 2+3

The fact that one of the replicants is the detective character played by Harrison Ford is what makes the difference.
Nah, it doesn't make a difference. The movie still was dull as 3-day-old restaurant dishwater.

An Awfully Big Adventure

The most mind numbing chick flick ever devised by the devil. The cast should have been shot for crimes against humanity.

Titanic, ........ ruined for me when someone told me the ship sinks at the end...... :rolleyes:
Saving Private Ryan...
start : 20 minute mass blood bath only saved by tom hanks..in reality a 5 hr mass bloodbath. only stopped when the germans ran outa ammo.
middle :1 hr 20... some spielberg soppy nonsense bit ( fell asleep)
end : another 20 minute bloodbath followed by token family and US flag in background shot


but still nothing comes close to " Plan 9 from outer space" in terms of pure badness :gundge:

Boris

Cheaper by the Dozen....

amazon women on the moon was pretty bad as well

Nah, it doesn't make a difference. The movie still was dull as 3-day-old restaurant dishwater.

Hey the film ain't to blame if you didn't understand it and so missed what was important and what wasn't.

more bad movies...


CHUD II: Bud the CHUD
The Critters series (the first one was laughable, and i believe 3 has leo dicaprio)

Munchies (ripoff of critters)

also all those 90s vid-game turned movie

Street Fighter
Double Dragon
Mortal Kombat (with the exception of christopher lambert)
Mortal Kombat II
Super Mario Bros

Let us not forget such crap as the Matrix Sequels, Reign of Fire, ANY modern movie with a Vampire in it(Queen of the Damned, need I say more?), The new Godzilla movie, anything with Leo, there was somethingf else that was bad, but I think it was so horrible it scarred my mind into forgetting it...

Let us not forget such crap as the Matrix Sequels, Reign of Fire, ANY modern movie with a Vampire in it(Queen of the Damned, need I say more?), The new Godzilla movie, anything with Leo, there was somethingf else that was bad, but I think it was so horrible it scarred my mind into forgetting it...


when you say godzilla movie i hope you mean the broderick one, because godzilla 2000 was great campy fun.

Hey the film ain't to blame if you didn't understand it and so missed what was important and what wasn't.
Look, I'm sorry if I accidentally implied without realizing it that your one true love has a fat ass, but try to see the point here -- I get the story. As in, I understand the story. I'm not complaining about the story. I'm complaining about the film. So, yeah, in that context the film is to blame. Because that's what I think sucks. The film. Not the story. I said I didn't care about the replicants because, in the context of the film, it's the film's job to make me care about the replicants. That didn't happen for this viewer. Ergo, bad film, in my opinion.

Or if you like, bad film version of that story, in my opinion.

Okay now? Am I entitled to my opinion (which I've already acknowledged to be the minority)? Or will you not rest until I am converted to the church of Blade Runner?

(sheesh.)

Okay now? Am I entitled to my opinion (which I've already acknowledged to be the minority)? Or will you not rest until I am converted to the church of Blade Runner?

(sheesh.)


LOL with a large golden statue of edward james almos to praise at the altar

The Garden State
American Pie (all)

and i just found out that Chuck Russel director of such fine cinematic efforts as Nightmare on Elm Street 3, The Blob (remake), and the Scorpion King is remaking the joe dante cult classic PIRANHA

Let us not forget such crap as the Matrix Sequels, Reign of Fire, ANY modern movie with a Vampire in it(Queen of the Damned, need I say more?), The new Godzilla movie, anything with Leo, there was somethingf else that was bad, but I think it was so horrible it scarred my mind into forgetting it...
Thank you for also thinking the Matrix series isn't universally perfect. My friend and her boyfriend and I went to see Matrix 2, and she and I could barely suppress our laughter, and he got offended because he loves all things Matrix so much. It was kind of awkward. We had to talk him out of getting angry, and now we can't discuss Matrix around him.

I should admit I also didn't like the original Matrix. (Now I guess I'll hear more from Bodies Without Organs or his ilk.)

Thank you for also thinking the Matrix series isn't universally perfect. My friend and her boyfriend and I went to see Matrix 2, and she and I could barely suppress our laughter, and he got offended because he loves all things Matrix so much. It was kind of awkward. We had to talk him out of getting angry, and now we can't discuss Matrix around him.

I should admit I also didn't like the original Matrix. (Now I guess I'll hear more from Bodies Without Organs or his ilk.)

Matrix 1 was ok, it lacked most of the metaphysical wannabe psuedo-intellectual BS.

most van damme efforts were terrible

sudden death
legionnaire
double team
time cop

Matrix 1 was ok, it lacked most of the metaphysical wannabe psuedo-intellectual BS.
And way too much wire-fu

i enjoyed the animatrix though

LOL with a large golden statue of edward james almos to praise at the altar
And all worshippers get their own little origami guy with erection to carry in their pockets for blessings. (To this day, I want to know how he folded that; maybe that's why I keep watching it.) :D

Blade Runner was one of my first DVDs along with The Running Man

i enjoyed the animatrix though
I liked most of that, too. Pretty pictures. Anime can get away with a lot because of the pretty pictures.

speaking of anime im putting the pokemon movies on this thread

i had to watch the first one while babysitting my little cousins. seriously people are paid to make that shite it amazes me.


I liked most of that, too. Pretty pictures. Anime can get away with a lot because of the pretty pictures.

that is so true.

I won't even list half the ones that made me sick:

- House of 1000 Corpses (there's a sequel :eek: )
- AVP (and I'm a fan of the Alien and of the Predator movies)
- Van Helsing
- Zoolander
- Oldboy (and this shows how I'm not a movie critic, because everybody acclaimed this movie and it bored me to death)

I won't even list half the ones that made me sick:

- House of 1000 Corpses (there's a sequel :eek: )
)


I enjoyed the devils rejects 100 times more than house of 1000 corpses.

oh and feel free to list all films that make you sick.

- Oldboy (and this shows how I'm not a movie critic, because everybody acclaimed this movie and it bored me to death)
Bored? I can understand that people don't like this movie but BORED? Heretic! ;)

Blade 3 deserves a place on that list.

speaking of anime im putting the pokemon movies on this thread

i had to watch the first one while babysitting my little cousins. seriously people are paid to make that shite it amazes me.




that is so true.
You're not the target audience for Pokemon. Pokemon is pretty much just slightly violent, heavily merchandised Tellytubbies. Every Pokemon DVD should come with a VR set loaded with real movies, so while the kids get their Poke-groove on, the babysitter can be privately watching Rear Window or something.

so does the Chronicles of Narnia: Lion Witch and the Wardrobe

so does the Chronicles of Narnia: Lion Witch and the Wardrobe

Hey, don't knock it, it's thousands of times better than the old ones(animated AND shitty live action one)

You're not the target audience for Pokemon. Pokemon is pretty much just slightly violent, heavily merchandised Tellytubbies. Every Pokemon DVD should come with a VR set loaded with real movies, so while the kids get their Poke-groove on, the babysitter can be privately watching Rear Window or something.


same should go with spongebob *shudders*

Hey, don't knock it, it's thousands of times better than the old ones(animated AND shitty live action one)


the 80s cartoon was better than this new 100 million dollar waste of 2 hours

Well, I enjoy really bad movies.
I get a kick out of watching the worst movies ever made, and laughing at them for fun.

Some of these are horrible movies, but in a good way, some of these movies were so bad, it made me angry:

Orgy of the Dead
-Ed Wood.

Ive mentioned this film on the other movie threads, and I cant stress it enough, this is my pick for worst movie ever made.
Even gratuitous titties, and semi-attractive ones, cant save the festering turd that is "Orgy of the Dead".

Two young lovers taking a drive, have an accident, and crawl to a nearby graveyard (cuz thats where your likely to get help!), where they find Criswell (The incredibly gay vampire) who is apparently the lord of hell, and is judging some people who recently died.
The judging process, involves dancing about, shaking your boobies, for Criswell, who could probably care less about anyones breasts. Or at least a womans breasts.
Some stooges running around are wearing cheap Halloween masks, that were literally purchased in a drug store.

Thats pretty much where the plot gets...thinner.....

The Incredible Melting Man.

Yes...there is a guy who melts....after a very long painful time.
By painful, I mean having to sit through the film.
This movie was intended to be a pyscho-gross out movie....and it would have been..if the special effects didnt suck so bad its laughable.

Body Melt.

No melting bodies whatsoever.
Truly awful movie...
Theres some very bad zombies, and some chicks on dirt bikes, meant to be some sort of post-apocalyptic/cyberpunk/ gang.

No melting bodies whatsoever.

The Revenge of the Radioactive Reporter.

Wooo.....this is bad.

Zombie 4: Zombie island.

The fourth in the famous "Zombie" Italian series.
Its said when theres no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth.
Its also said, "When we run out of plots, we'll use Ninja Zombies."

I wish I was kidding.

I have more, but I'll spare you for now.

when you say Godzilla movie i hope you mean the broderick one, because Godzilla 2000 was great campy fun.
I have to say this every time this movie is brought up, even though no one cares-

What I loved about Godzilla 2000-

The movie, made after the American one, involves an alien invader (America) that comes to Japan and starts stealing all the 'data,' including Godzilla DNA (taking a Japanese icon) and remakes it in their image (makes their own Godzilla-which looks suspiciously like an iguana, which the American Godzilla looked like). The new Godzilla literally tries to consume the old Godzilla but is unable to, because the real Godzilla will always be the real Godzilla.

The film so blatantly appears to be an answer to the American film, and I love it.

the 80s cartoon was better than this new 100 million dollar waste of 2 hours
I'm with you on this one. The cartoon was way better.

I have to say this every time this movie is brought up, even though no one cares-

What I loved about Godzilla 2000-

The movie, made after the American one, involves an alien invader (America) that comes to Japan and starts stealing all the 'data,' including Godzilla DNA (taking a Japanese icon) and remakes it in their image (makes their own Godzilla-which looks suspiciously like an iguana, which the American Godzilla looked like). The new Godzilla literally tries to consume the old Godzilla but is unable to, because the real Godzilla will always be the real Godzilla.

The film so blatantly appears to be an answer to the American film, and I love it.


Godzilla .......festering pile of Matthew Broderick dung.

Godzilla 2000.........good clean campy fun.

The Garden State
-snip becuase I've never seen any of them...-)
Garden State wouldn't be so bad if it had learned the lesson from the 'grandaddy' film of that type, The Graduate, and had ended the film at the yelling in the chasm. Also didn't need to make the love actually blossom, that was a chickenshit move on the films part an made it a little pat. It had the makings of a good film, it just needed a few more passes before filming.

Godzilla .......festering pile of Matthew Broderick dung.

Godzilla 2000.........good clean campy fun.
I get the afore mentioned 'more' out of it, but then that's in my nature.

Dungeons and Dragons sucked royally. Also, a real bottom-scraper:

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

Dungeons and Dragons sucked royally. Also, a real bottom-scraper:


D&D did indeed suck donkey balls.

What amazes me, is that the Wayans bro, that appeared in it, was also in "Requiem for a dream" wich while uberly depressing, Wayans performance was really good.

D&D did indeed suck donkey balls.

What amazes me, is that the Wayans bro, that appeared in it, was also in "Requiem for a dream" wich while uberly depressing, Wayans performance was really good.

Agreed...and his might actually be considered the "best" performance in D&D as well...and he DIES! DOUBLE BONUS! :p

Chronicles of Riddick...worst movie I EVER saw, which sucks because Pitch Black is one of my favorite movies of all time.

D&D did indeed suck donkey balls.

What amazes me, is that the Wayans bro, that appeared in it, was also in "Requiem for a dream" wich while uberly depressing, Wayans performance was really good.
Bask in the power of script and direction. There is only so much you can do with the material provided. Writing and direction matter.

Kung pow: Enter the fist.

That movies philosphy was "If we take a lot of bad jokes, and do them over and over again for two hours, that makes one good joke."

I want my two hours back.

Bask in the power of script and direction. There is only so much you can do with the material provided. Writing and direction matter.


True Dat.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, "Crimson Gold". Put me off films from Kazakhstan for life.

'Signs' was pretty awful too.

Half of everything M Knight Shamalayn touches turns to shit.

Signs was abyssmal.

Worst alien invasion EVER.

The Village.
Sucked so bad, it mad me angry.

Half of everything M Knight Shamalayn touches turns to shit.

Signs was abyssmal.

Worst alien invasion EVER.

The Village.
Sucked so bad, it mad me angry.

Indeed.

Kung Pow, however, was one of the funniest movies I've seen. Pure genious!

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy -- I watch it over and over, hoping that I'm wrong and it doesn't stink as much as I thought, but it does, every time. That horrendous dialogue. Those endless rounds of expressionless reaction shots. :headbang: And here's a question for ya -- if the big giant eyeball wants the ring so bad, why is it so difficult for Frodo to bring it to Mordor? I mean, I would think Sauron would send a limo for him or something, and then the trick would be to toss it into the volcano when Sauron's not looking. But it shouldn't have taken a whole trilogy just to get into evil headquarters. (Another question: Is there an anti-shampoo clause in all of Vigo Mortensen's contracts?)

You are kidding. Lord of the Rings was a great film. Is it that yo think all films are crap?? Huh??

Gotta agree with Muravyets. LOTR is pretty goddam bad enough, but it goes for TWELVE INFURIATING HOURS of NOTHINGNESS! It's almost as bad as Rollerball.

As for Kung Pow, you'll find that's the biggest love-it-or-hate-it-movie. 50% love it, 50% want it burned. I personally like it.

In response to the OP I have to go with King Arthur, what a load of PANTS! Goddamn that movie sucked so hard my balls nearly came out the top of my head.

Also, the Passion of the Christ. Snuff made mainstream. Bollocks.

Enough said really.

The worst movie ever has to be "Open Water". This is the worst piece of shit ever. I had a good story, but was pulled off in the worst possible way. Helen Keller, the blind, deaf, mute girl could have made a better movie.

The next movie I saw that sucked was Amittyville Horror 4: The Evil Escapes.
Following that was 28 Days Later.

Those movies sucked so bad when I die I'm going to ask for an extra 6 hours of life because it was wasted watching these movies.:mad:

Look, I'm sorry if I accidentally implied without realizing it that your one true love has a fat ass, but try to see the point here -- I get the story. As in, I understand the story.


...not understanding that the central character is himself a replicant seems to me to be a pretty major case of not understanding the story.

any StarWars with JaJa Binks or whatever he was called. if only I'd had a light saber...

and let's hear it for things like that Mutant Ninja Turtles crap. had to take a nephew to it. if only I'd had a light saber...

and how about Karate Kid and sequels? chop socky bs at its worst. cringed through it. if only I'd had a light saber...

but top of my list, Battlefield Earth. "monster" aliens dressed as cowboys or maybe cowboy mutants. and a plot like a grave. did I say "plot"? it should have been in a grave.

now if they hadn't taken it seriously, I could have at least laughed at it all, but it was all so earnest. I was grateful I hadn't paid to see it or I'd have killed myself. as it was, there are bits of that film I think I must have blocked out. other films suck, Battlefield Earth was traumatic.if only I'd had a light saber...

Swamp Thing - NJ's only superhero. What a piece of crap.

The last Star Wars movie had some great action but the entire build-up of the first two was Anakin's turn to the dark side - The turn was weak and unbelievable. He's guilty about killing Sammy Jackson one minute and killing kids 5 minutes later - weak. I liked Jar Jar better than that feeble plot climax. I think I just talked myself into listing Star Wars parts 1-3 here also. They all blew (maybe because I am not pree-teen like I was when I saw the original trilogy).

As far as "Signs" and "The Village" are concerned, you really have to explicate them to get to the real ideas being portrayed. The Village, for example, isn't just a movie that you can sit back and watch; you have to pay attention to subleties and symbolism and stuff like that. Movies of this style require a conscious interaction on the part of the viewer. It's really an artistic kind of thing. I loved it. :)

And, incidentally, I'd have to say that the five stupidest movies I've seen were Van Helsing, The Fantastic Four, Open Range, Alien vs. Predator, and Hangman's Curse. :rolleyes:

...not understanding that the central character is himself a replicant seems to me to be a pretty major case of not understanding the story.
For the severalth and last time -- I DID understand that. I DID NOT care about it. Get the diff? :rolleyes:

(ps: by the time you're done defending this movie, you may very well have killed it, because you're acting just about as grim and fun-free as the movie itself, implying that not only would we not want to watch it, we wouldn't want to go drinking with someone who does.)

Jeepers Creepers II, Eight Legged Freaks and the Baywatch movies.

Kung pow: Enter the fist.

That movies philosphy was "If we take a lot of bad jokes, and do them over and over again for two hours, that makes one good joke."

I want my two hours back.

Kung Pow was hilarious. Too bad its only funny once... twice if you have short term memory loss

You are kidding. Lord of the Rings was a great film. Is it that yo think all films are crap?? Huh??
Not all movies -- just the ones that:

1. force me to stare for hours and hours at Vigo Mortensen's filthy, stringy hair and beard stubble :eek: ; and

2. pad every single scene with unnecessary reaction shots of every single actor (in order of billing, perhaps?) and slow, slow, unnecessary, and did I mention slow transitional sequences (delete all that padding and the whole trilogy could have been 4 hours instead of twelve).

Let me guess Muravyets, you like sophisticated movies that have Steven Seagal in them, explosions every 5 minutes and semi naked bikini models every 10. Y'know classy tasteful intelligent movies.

God help us, watching movies that might make us actually think and expect a semblance of attention!

Aw well. You can't like every movie. I respect LOTR because it can blend CGI and real life in a good way(Almost no movie has done that before) It's a good story too.

On to bad movies:
The deadly bees - British Horror/Boredom with a killer bee swarm attacking every now and then. Quite.

Time of the Apes - I have NO IDEA what goes on in this movie! A Japanese family is accidentally(!) cryogenically frozen and wake up in a future where monkeys have taken over and drive around in VW hippie buses. :confused:

Quest of the Delta Knights - Confused fantasy starring David Warner in three roles. The movie shows us that Leonardo da Vinci was just a hack who got his inventions from aliens? Gods? It's unclear.

Battlefield Earth - No explanation needed

Red Zone Cuba - Totally unwatchable B&W movie about a man and his three friends who invade Cuba(?), and kills some people in the USA. The movie ends, very beautifully, with the hero being gunned down by the police.

Until you have watched a few of these movies, you are not entitles to call big Hollywood movies "worst movie ever". Also, try Swedish movies not made by Bergman.

Not all movies -- just the ones that:


2. pad every single scene with unnecessary reaction shots of every single actor (in order of billing, perhaps?) and slow, slow, unnecessary, and did I mention slow transitional sequences (delete all that padding and the whole trilogy could have been 4 hours instead of twelve).


those emotionless shots were getting annoying.

and screw brokeback mountain, when it comes to gay serious love stories, frodo and sam got them beat.

i have to harken back to the original thread. manos is decidedly the worst movie ever made, followed closely by santa claus conquers the martians (pia zedora's first movie)

Kung Pow was hilarious. Too bad its only funny once... twice if you have short term memory loss


They're making a sequel to that. I own the original...only funny once.

his thumbwars stuff was better

I have a list ot absolute terrible movies:


Halloween (all of 'em)
AVP
Starship troopers (book was good however)
Bad Taste (one of peter jackson's first few movies)
Scream
ST: The Final Frontier, & The Motion Picture(kinda boring)
Jeepers Creepers II
Eight Legged Freaks
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Sponge Bob:The Movie
All Pokemon movies
Rugrats movies
Battlefield Earth
Godzilla Vs whateverhorriblerubbermonster movies

So many movies, so little time.

AVP
Starship troopers (book was good however).

Just a few points. Okay, neither of those was particularly plot heavy, but they were good in a mindless action way to entertain a bunch of drunk blokes. Good mindless entertainment. (AvP could have been so much better though admittedly)


Besides, if you dislike Starship Troopers, I assume you havn't seen Starship Troopers 2.


THAT is a film that I despise. Not even the bit where a bloke gets decapitated with a spade and the head gets microwaved saves that film.


and yes, the book rocked.

Just a few points. Okay, neither of those was particularly plot heavy, but they were good in a mindless action way to entertain a bunch of drunk blokes. Good mindless entertainment. (AvP could have been so much better though admittedly)

I kinda don't like mindless entertainment.


Besides, if you dislike Starship Troopers, I assume you havn't seen Starship Troopers 2.




THAT is a film that I despise. Not even the bit where a bloke gets decapitated with a spade and the head gets microwaved saves that film.

Haven't watched it, and don't plan to waste time to.


and yes, the book rocked.

Glad we agree there.

Here's a name that's practically a Kosher Seal of Disapproval for suckass movies:

Uwe Boll

Pink Flamingos. Talk about a movie that could clear a room..... For that matter, nearly all of John Waters' movies would qualify, now that I think about it.

And here's a question for ya -- if the big giant eyeball wants the ring so bad, why is it so difficult for Frodo to bring it to Mordor? I mean, I would think Sauron would send a limo for him or something, and then the trick would be to toss it into the volcano when Sauron's not looking. But it shouldn't have taken a whole trilogy just to get into evil headquarters. (Another question: Is there an anti-shampoo clause in all of Vigo Mortensen's contracts?)

...


I don't give a damn if you hated the movie, but really, WTF? "Hey Mr. Sauron, thanks for the limo, but before I give you the Ring, I'd like to see your volcano first..." You honestly think anyone's stupid enough to not only suggest such an plan, but fall for it as well that? There are far better criticisms of LotR then some idiotic idea like that.

My vote for worst movie goes to Hannible, worst fuck-up of a historical character I've seen yet.

I just realised something.

I'm going to be (hopefuly) majoring in film production/editing/screen writing after I graduate after high school this year.

I figure I have a 100% chance that someone will say that one of my movies sucked after the responces in this thread.

Let me guess Muravyets, you like sophisticated movies that have Steven Seagal in them, explosions every 5 minutes and semi naked bikini models every 10. Y'know classy tasteful intelligent movies.

God help us, watching movies that might make us actually think and expect a semblance of attention!
1. I will have you know I never waste my eye space looking at Steven "I yam what I yam" Segal. I prefer Vin Diesel. ;)

2. If LOTR was a thinking man's film for you, then I'm wasting my time responding to you (kidding -- bitchy, but kidding :D ).

3. A movie has to be very something for Muravyets to like it -- either very good or very bad. LOTR is mediocre. That's why I don't like it. It could have been much better. I wanted it to be much better. It wasn't. This is my opinion. It's all a matter of taste. The thread asked for movies we think suck, and that's one of mine. Pure opinion.

Since my tastes are so either offensive or incomprehensible to some people, here's quick scale of how Muravyets defines very good/very bad:

Very Good = Tombstone; Lawrence of Arabia; The Manchurian Candidate; anything by Hitchcock or Kurasawa.

Very Bad = I Come in Peace; Bride of the Monster; Warlords of Atlantis.

Hope that clears up where I'm coming from for those who may think it matters. :D

...

"Hey Mr. Sauron, thanks for the limo, but before I give you the Ring, I'd like to see your volcano first..." You honestly think anyone's stupid enough to not only suggest such an plan, but fall for it as well that?

Because Frodo can fight off Sauron and his entire army to get to the volcano. Then again Sam was a beast with that frying fan. Overall the plot sucked but the battles were very nice.

Why the hell didn't frodo just fly an eagle over to Mordor and drop it in that way?

Back to thread: Son of the Mask

I just realised something.

I'm going to be (hopefuly) majoring in film production/editing/screen writing after I graduate after high school this year.

I figure I have a 100% chance that someone will say that one of my movies sucked after the responces in this thread.
I did major in production and screenwritting. Don't let it bother you.

Also, look into the theater. You'd be amazed at what seeing your work infront of an audience can do. The stage and the screen have different techniques, but you're still telling a story. And my theater credits have opened a lot of doors. A minor in theater might be a good thing for you.

Also, don't wait to get into production. Start now, look on Craigslist and mandy.com and do as many internships and PA jobs as you can. People aren't kidding when they say you don't need film school. Half the people I work with never went. You have to be doing that more or less for yourself.

Good luck man.

...


I don't give a damn if you hated the movie, but really, WTF? "Hey Mr. Sauron, thanks for the limo, but before I give you the Ring, I'd like to see your volcano first..." You honestly think anyone's stupid enough to not only suggest such an plan, but fall for it as well that? There are far better criticisms of LotR then some idiotic idea like that.

My vote for worst movie goes to Hannible, worst fuck-up of a historical character I've seen yet.
Well, without hijacking this into a let's rewrite the movies thread, how about this:

Sauron wants the ring. The ring wants to go to Sauron. Frodo doesn't want the ring to go to Sauron but has to bring it to Mordor anyway, to destroy it. So, rather than throw armies in their way and force them to walk across mountains and marshes and whatnot, Sauron instead tries to to make it easy for Frodo to come to Mordor, confident that he'll get his ring in the end. So Frodo and company find that, no matter how the war rages, their path is always somehow magically cleared. Instead of trying to kill Frodo, the Ring Wraiths are watching over him (though they're not looking out for his friends). Etc., etc. And the challenge for our heroes would be to decide how to react to this evil assistance while staying out of Sauron's clutches until they get to the volcano.

IMO, that would have made more sense for both the villain and the heroes. It would have made Sauron a more active player, and it would have made the seductiveness of evil more personal and more widespread throughout the story, and it would have demanded more from our heroes than just fighting and hiking skills.

Or else, Sauron and the volcano didn't both have to be in Mordor. If either was somewhere else, then the plot would have worked fine as it was.

"Chariots of Fire" has to be the worst movie ever to get "Best Movie".

"Chariots of Fire" has to be the worst movie ever to get "Best Movie".

more bad movies

spice world (never saw it though, but i think i dont need to)
bean
osmosis jones

Two of the utter worst films ever made:

Blood Feast http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056875/
Drive-in Massacre http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074434/



those emotionless shots were getting annoying.

and screw brokeback mountain, when it comes to gay serious love stories, frodo and sam got them beat.

Sam and Frodo were gay?????
Just kidding. by the way Brokeback Mountain was excellent, Although the ending is devastating. I would of had them finally getting a cabin together but that would be wrong I guess.

Godzilla Vs whateverhorriblerubbermonster movies

!!! Bite your tongue!!!

Godzilla movies rule.

Since it seems to be a popular trend in this thread, I am going to respond with bad movies that in general, people liked.

Closer - Natalie Portman stripping is not an automatic good movie.

Gladiator - Plot consists of the 15 or so words printed as the description on the front.

more bad movies



any film with julia roberts

tank girl

just married ( or any other ashton kutcher starring role film)

EXORCIST 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont mean the new one that came out, but the second one. i think it had a different director.

its chock-full of loop holes and the scary parts are just flashing lights.

also, the demon possessing the girl from the first movie was apparently Zu-zuzu, king of the air demons from Africa:rolleyes:

I thought Narnia was a disappointment (WTF was up with Ansolan being able to travel in 30min what took the kids months? and if the witch knew the "old law" why didnt she know the lion would come back? also, was mr tumtlus a child molester? because that wasn't in the book...)

also all of the new star wars were horrible

CANNIBAL WOMEN IN THE AVOCADO JUNGLE OF DEATH

hey, i like that movie... it has alot of Good One-liners.

my List.
Kung Pow - wasn't funny, even the first time.
Starship - all that time to see the fabled starship take off to do battle with the oppressors... in the last 3 minutes of the film.
Battle Beyond the stars - they kill off the only two cool characters before the real fight begins.
Godzilla - the US make.
Bowling for Columbine - at least make an attempt to hide all the "Cut and Paste" editing on that one Mr. Moore!
Fatso - *Hurls*
Blare Witch - *Hurls some more*
Star Raiders - I hope the people who sold the models for Battle Beyond the Stars got their money's worth.
They Live - here's a coupon for Tower Records... by some freaking music for that drek.
Charlies Angles / 2 - WTF... thought they were a private securities firm.. not international para military...
James Bond films after Roger Moore - Before: "find out what's happening and stop it." Now: "here is the villian, this is where he will be, and here is what he's doing, now go have sex with the lady, show off the cool gadets and kill the villian."
most of the SCI- FI Channel Movies: Oh, let's take the story of a film out in the theaters and try to "Improve" them.
Episodes 1 2 and 3 of Star Wars... *Triple Hurl*

I just saw Friday 13th: VII New Blood on TV today....

:mad:

the only thing that made it worth watching was talking to people who were also watching it on xbox live and making fun of it.

Since my tastes are so either offensive or incomprehensible to some people, here's quick scale of how Muravyets defines very good/very bad:

Very Good = Tombstone; Lawrence of Arabia; The Manchurian Candidate; anything by Hitchcock or Kurasawa.

Very Bad = I Come in Peace; Bride of the Monster; Warlords of Atlantis.

Hope that clears up where I'm coming from for those who may think it matters. :D
Well, that depends on whether you mean the original or the remake of the Manchurian Candidate. If it's the remake, then you, sir, are a gomeril.
If it's the original, good choice.

James Bond films after Roger Moore - Before: "find out what's happening and stop it." Now: "here is the villian, this is where he will be, and here is what he's doing, now go have sex with the lady, show off the cool gadets and kill the villian."


lol i've been watching 007 marathon and that is so true. connery is the best bond.

Godzilla, US Version An insult to any true Godzilla fan. Getting killed THAT EASY! I don't think so.
Godzilla's Revenge I can't believe Toho ever stooped so low as to create that. Worst. Movie. EVER

Godzilla, US Version An insult to any true Godzilla fan. Getting killed THAT EASY! I don't think so.



seriously all the laser guns, missiles, X-T109GTYWX planes, robots, and all other things of insane creation that japan had unleashed to destory godzilla to no avail all gets put aside when you kill godzilla by trapping him in a bridge and shooting him with a few missiles.

OK, here is my list, allbeit a short one

Killer Clowns from Outer Space-- killer clows invade a small town, wrap people up in cotton candy coccoons which liquifies them and they drink the blood and guts through crazy straws. the spaceship is a bigtop circus tent. rent it just to see the short clown knock someones block off, literally

Carnivore-- the acting in a bad porn movie is better than the acting in this movie. goverment creates a genetically altered monster that looks like a jim henson reject and puts in a house where some teenagers happen to stumble upon, along with some cops and other various people who get killed. or course, there is the obligitory full frontal shots of the hot teens, but other than that

and finally
Christine's house-- the plot was so bad on this one, i really don't remember what was going on. i do remember that someone or something int he house was killing people- acting creepy. of course everyone thought it was the crzy gardener but it turned out to be the boyfriend

and all of these can be found in the Wal-Mart $5.50 bin......wonder why.

Squirm

Curse of the Komodo

xXx: State of the Union

I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, I Don't Care What You Did Last Summer, I Hope They Kill You This Summer... ok I made those last two up.

The Ninth Gate

Earth Girls Are Easy (or just about anything else with Jim Carrey in it)

That should do for now.

2 fast 2 furious (or anything with paul walker in it)

scary movie 3

jurassic park 3

neverending story II & III

Last tango in Paris is one of the worst films ever made... Who'd pay money to hear a wrinkly old Marlon Brando demand fingers to be stuck up his bum?

Sex Lives of the Potatoe Men anybody?

"My Mother-in-law gave me a blowjob last night" er...:( ....believe it or not thats the best line in the whole movie...:headbang:

Well, that depends on whether you mean the original or the remake of the Manchurian Candidate. If it's the remake, then you, sir, are a gomeril.
If it's the original, good choice.
The original, of course. Good god, man. :eek:

I had actually forgotten there was a remake. I wish you hadn't reminded me.

lol i've been watching 007 marathon and that is so true. connery is the best bond.


almost. Connery is the only Bond. the rest of them were Dean Martin playing Matt Helm, or Don Adams playing Maxwell Smart, or Robert Vaughan playing Napoleon Solo, or wtf.

and pretty nearly all of those belong on my bad movie list. starting with Roger Moore and working through.