NationStates Jolt Archive

Inspired by this article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4245754.stm


Listen to some people and you might be forgiven for thinking good manners have gone for ever.

People have no respect, they tell us. They barge, they spit, they swear, they make us feel invisible.

This year no fewer than five books dedicated to manners, and our apparent lack of them, have hit the book shops. It appears we are a nation outraged and while we ourselves are always courteous, why is everyone else so rude? ....

Personally, I'm a stickler for good manners, politeness and to some degree etiquette. It's important to me to greet people before I talk to them, even if it's just the shop assistant, and I feel slightly offended if the greeting isn't returned in any form. When I moved from Germany to Ireland, I kept the tradtional German forms of politeness, like saying "Bless you" when somebody sneezes, but also picked up on Irish politeness, like saying "Excuse me" when I cough or sneeze myself, saying "Thank you" when getting off the bus, etc.

So, how polite would you say you are? Do you think it's important at all any more or would you rather abolish all those phrases and patterns alltogether?

I open the door of my car for a girl before we go onto the backseat ;)

I open the door of my car for a girl before we go onto the backseat ;)

Very good manners there. I hope you do say "thank you", too ;)

Believe it or not, I'm also a stickler for good manners--in real life. Not so much on the internet, where I give as good as I get. But face to face or over the phone, it means a lot to me.

I open the door of my car for a girl before we go onto the backseat ;)
well how else are you meant to get her in? you can't force her in through a closed door :p
i try to be polite most of the time, but then again, that's when i'm sober :D

Very good manners there. I hope you do say "thank you", too ;)
depends on how she was....

depends on how she was....
you still say thank you, the way you say it depends on how well she does :p

I also am quite fond of manners and common courtesy, I always hold doors open (regardless of who is following) and always check before I walk around corners, always greet and terminate each meeting (normally with Good Day or Good Night) always thank people, and will allow them to pass on the pavement corridor (even if they have just walked ahead with no regard for anyone else), will give up my seat, meow and stroke passing cats and kittens (I also carry catnip treats) etc... it is just a common courtesy and if more people behaved we would live in a more pleasent society. apart from always swapping pleastaries when you really really want to get on you way

And I always get thanked in turn after taking a girl for a tumble :D

Thanking you kindly in advance

Inspired by this article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4245754.stm



Personally, I'm a stickler for good manners, politeness and to some degree etiquette. It's important to me to greet people before I talk to them, even if it's just the shop assistant, and I feel slightly offended if the greeting isn't returned in any form. When I moved from Germany to Ireland, I kept the tradtional German forms of politeness, like saying "Bless you" when somebody sneezes, but also picked up on Irish politeness, like saying "Excuse me" when I cough or sneeze myself, saying "Thank you" when getting off the bus, etc.

So, how polite would you say you are? Do you think it's important at all any more or would you rather abolish all those phrases and patterns alltogether?
i do 'bless you', 'excuse me', and 'thank you'
"cheers" when somebody holds the door open for me (which i always do if there's someone behind me)
i don't spit on the pavement
i try and be courteous and thankful to whoever's cooked a meal, be courteous to waiters/waitresses, and try and take it upon myself to share some of the chores of tidying away after the meal (not fair for one person to do it if there's more than one person about... except at restaurants obviously)
then there's table manners. i am guilty of putting my elbows on the table (whats wrong with that?) but i am a stickler for people not talking with their mouths full (or chewing with their mouths open... or generally eating noisily heh)

manners aren't hard to have and use.

Yeah i try to be polite but i think it's the collapse of socity these days ever since we let all the arabs in it's never been the same.

I must admit my Ex-wife did break the habit of mine of giving scores to my belches and farts (both for volume texture and Stench) although I also always apologised after my initial excitement after a sphincter factor 9 eruption and asking if everyone agrees with me that getting the cat to hiss in the corner is farting par excellence.

Is that just me or is it a bloke thing (plastic chairs rule)

I must admit my Ex-wife did break the habit of mine of giving scores to my belches and farts (both for volume texture and Stench) although I also always apologised after my initial excitement after a sphincter factor 9 eruption and asking if everyone agrees with me that getting the cat to hiss in the corner is farting par excellence.

Is that just me or is it a bloke thing (plastic chairs rule)
lmao i don't have a numeric scale, but a scale nonetheless :p

bloke thing *nods*


i do fart a fair bit (am trained not to but when mum's out the room...) but i burp a fair bit cos i get wind and it feels real uncomfortable otherwise. i apologise, usually, but i do belch a lot :(

thats where my manners really fall down :D

Ooh, I only finished "Talk To The Hand" last week...

Well, some "manners" are just arbitrary rules. Nothing wrong with that; so is "drive on the left", or "green means go"; but with manners some of them really don't matter. Using the wrong fork for your starter won't cause a fourteen-car pile-up and twelve deaths. It's just there to catch out people who don't know the rules.

Others are kind of important; they stop people getting angry and killing each other by smoothing out confrontational situations, and they make people feel better; I held the door for you, you said "thank you" to me, everyone lives happily ever after.

I try and be polite. I say "please" and "thank you" automatically (even to cash dispensers), hold open doors, things like that. Also, letters of complaint are much more fun if they're written politely and formally.

Sometimes, though, if I 'phone someone for specific information and they start being social, I won't realise and adapt before I've got the info and hung up. I don't always notice that people aren't saying "how are you?" etcetera merely in the allegedly-necessary but fairly annoying "Hello", "Hello", "How are you?", "Fine, thanks. You?", "Fine", "Good", <Insert meaningful section of conversation here> way, but because they want to tell me about some recent happening. This is probably rude of me, and it makes me feel a bit guilty sometimes, but, well, nevermind. If they started the conversation with "I want to tell you something!" I'd probably get the hint.

... how polite would you say you are? Do you think it's important at all any more or would you rather abolish all those phrases and patterns alltogether?
I try very hard to be kind to everyone, regardless of who they are or how they act. Good manners are a type of "social lubricant," easing the abrasiveness of everyday interactions. Most people seem to appreciate your making the effort to be courteous.

Just yesterday, I held a door open for an older African-American woman who was walking with a bit of difficulty, saying "Here you are, young lady. You have a blessed day!" For a moment she looked startled, then I thought she was going to kiss me she was so pleased. Now how much did that small act of kindness cost me? Answer: Nothing. As a matter of fact, I felt much better for having done it.

Yeah i try to be polite but i think it's the collapse of socity these days ever since we let all the arabs in it's never been the same.
:rolleyes:

Yeah i try to be polite but i think it's the collapse of socity these days ever since we let all the arabs in it's never been the same.

Strange most arabs I know are incredibly polite and quite a few are formulaic within the flow of conversation and social behaviour

"Here you are, young lady. You have a blessed day!"
Didn't your original post say "Grandma" instead of "young lady"? Am I going mad?

I was just thinking of the consequences of calling someone "Grandma" around here. Terrible, vengeful consequences. Especially if they're carrying an umbrella.

Strange most arabs I know are incredibly polite and quite a few are formulaic within the flow of conversation and social behaviour

All Arabs I know are incredibly polite. Same about all Persians, and all Turks I know personally.
There are different levels of politeness in different countries, Germany being rather far down that scale overall, and Arab, African and Asian countries very much on the top.

Inspired by this article:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4245754.stm



Personally, I'm a stickler for good manners, politeness and to some degree etiquette. It's important to me to greet people before I talk to them, even if it's just the shop assistant, and I feel slightly offended if the greeting isn't returned in any form. When I moved from Germany to Ireland, I kept the tradtional German forms of politeness, like saying "Bless you" when somebody sneezes, but also picked up on Irish politeness, like saying "Excuse me" when I cough or sneeze myself, saying "Thank you" when getting off the bus, etc.

So, how polite would you say you are? Do you think it's important at all any more or would you rather abolish all those phrases and patterns alltogether?

I agree with all that stuff so I suppose I'd say I was pretty polite. However, having had to drive in central London this past weekend I noticed my manners started slipping to the same level as those around me to the point where I almost went up a street I didn't want to, just to prove a point to an inconsiderate driver that was trying to squeeze me out of my lane. Living 20 miles outside the actual centre, it's amazing the difference in road courtesy and it seems to get better the further away you get.
Next time I'll take one of these :sniper: in with me.

I'm totally a stickler for good manners, yet they seem to be alien in this country these days. When I actually encounter a pleasant shop assistant/waiter/whatever, I feel obliged to tell people about it because it's such a rarity for me. I worked in a shop when I was in my teens, and was constantly polite and friendly - the funny thing was, my boss told me that a lot of people who only came in on occasion began to come in more often, as they were quite impressed with this (especially in a young person, apparently). It pays dividends to be nice, both for the mannerly person and for the other party/parties. And it costs nothing, so I don't understand why more people can't do it.

This is one area where I definitely support the USA; I've been to a number of different States, and during those trips rarely encountered anyone unmannerly whether that be when I was buying something or looking for directions or whatever.

Didn't your original post say "Grandma" instead of "young lady"? Am I going mad?

I was just thinking of the consequences of calling someone "Grandma" around here. Terrible, vengeful consequences. Especially if they're carrying an umbrella.
My first post was incorrect. :)

I can't really judge myself.....

"The Americans are famously more polite than the British, but they need to be because they are a melting pot."
The americans are famously more polite than the british? Since when? I always hear that the british are so polite and I've been to the states and I wouldn't call it an overabundance of politeness there. Not as bad as in Quebec though.

"The Americans are famously more polite than the British, but they need to be because they are a melting pot."
The americans are famously more polite than the british? Since when? I always hear that the british are so polite and I've been to the states and I wouldn't call it an overabundance of politeness there. Not as bad as in Quebec though.
*seconds the Quebec thing*

I like good manners if for no other reason than enlightened self-interest. If I'm polite and kind to someone, and they respond in kind, it makes me feel good. If I'm polite and kind to someone but they act like an asshole in response, I'm usually offended at first, but go on to receive a nice feeling of smugness and pride that I remained calm and polite while they were acting badly. I'm a winner either way, really.

New Yorkers are famous for not saying hello and not really caring for an answer when asking, "how are you?". Some say this is actually a form of politeness. In NYC people ore packed in on top of one another and by keeping this 'cold' demeanor actually is a way of giving people their own space and privacy in a dense population. So stop hatin' on NYC.

Personally - I really don't need and answer to "how are you?" or a cashier to say hello. I do hate it when I say hello and my greeting is completely ignored though. I really hate it when I go out of my way to let someone get in front of me in traffic and I don't get a little wave. I instantly look down on people who don't give me my stupid wave. Also, people who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom are very rude. Don't take a dump and shake my hand without washing you self-centered a-hole.

I am sure I can think of more but I should be working.

The americans are famously more polite than the british? Since when? I always hear that the british are so polite and I've been to the states and I wouldn't call it an overabundance of politeness there. Not as bad as in Quebec though.
Um, who did you hear it from? They were probably being ironic. Or just lying.

The Americans seemed polite to us (on holiday, in Florida). The only person we heard swearing whilst we were there was my father. Even the copper who gave him a speeding fine was polite - and found it amusing when my cousin took their photo!

Totally depends on where you're from. Where I grew up, if you drive past someone - even a complete stranger - and don't wave, you're being anti-social.

Since I moved to a large city, I've discovered that if you say hi to someone you pass on the street here, people flag you as a potential freak.

I really hate it when I go out of my way to let someone get in front of me in traffic and I don't get a little wave. I instantly look down on people who don't give me my stupid wave.
Ugh, don't you just hate that? Assholes. Nothing like a little road rage to make me forget my manners, too.

Um, who did you hear it from? They were probably being ironic. Or just lying.

The Americans seemed polite to us (on holiday, in Florida). The only person we heard swearing whilst we were there was my father. Even the copper who gave him a speeding fine was polite - and found it amusing when my cousin took their photo!
To me swearing isn't being unpolite at all....

I didn't exactly grow up in a "good manners" family, but I had to take an ettiquette in highschool so I learned a lot.

I try to teach my children more of the feeling of good manners than all the 'rules' right now, mostly treat others like you would like to be treated, respect others, and try to do what you can to make someone else's day a little better. :)