NationStates Jolt Archive

Your thoughts on having sex before or after marriage?
and: if advocating for before...when in the relationship is a good time?

I personally think...before marriage is fine...if you want it AND you HAVE to care about the person enough to want to marry them... or at least interact with them if you get pregnant. As for time....when it feels right to you. Sex should not be put on a scheduled time line, it takes a way the fun.
:fluffle: :D

Well, I never plan to get married, and there's only so much wanking one man can do. I vote before.

I say, whenever both people are ready and able to deal with the consequences. (Yes, I see abortion as a valid means of "dealing with the consequences")

I don't see a problem with premarital sex, and although I'm not a fan of casual sex, that's a personal thing related to various self confidence/self image issues and not a judgement on anyone else. If you want to do it, knowck yourself out.

Definitely before marriage. Marrying someone you may be sexually incompatible with is unwise. When should the sex start? Depends on what feels right for you, but for me that would probably be a few months after the beginning of the relationship.

If you want to do it, knowck yourself out.

I plan on putting a banner over my bed saying "We have Heron's Blessing"

just to not get tempers really really flaming...can we leave abortion out of this forum? I have my own views...and I won't knock anyone elses down....but it's a touchy subject....so don't discuss it here....
Please and thank you

there's only so much wanking one man can do.

You lie!!

I plan on putting a banner over my bed saying "We have Heron's Blessing"

:cool: :D

just to not get tempers really really flaming...can we leave abortion out of this forum? I have my own views...and I won't knock anyone elses down....but it's a touchy subject....so don't discuss it here....
Please and thank you

I'd normally ignore you, just to be arbitrary, but I'm pretty wasted. So fine. No abortion.

just to not get tempers really really flaming...can we leave abortion out of this forum? I have my own views...and I won't knock anyone elses down....but it's a touchy subject....so don't discuss it here....
Please and thank you

I agree, we've only just moved out of the 'Abortion debate' stage of the debating cycle which is why we're now on Religion. If my calculations are correct it should be politics next (in about 6 weeks probably).

Oh, and in response to the question I don't see a problem with extra-marital sex.

Rail...Bolt Gun...Rail...Bolt Gun...Rail...Bolt...Gun...

Rail Gun!

PS. Don't ask me why.

Rail...Bolt Gun...Rail...Bolt Gun...Rail...Bolt...Gun...

Rail Gun!

Are you alright?

Are you alright?

Just popped into my head from a couple days before.

Just popped into my head from a couple days before.

How.....random.

I'd think that in many case it would be usefull to find out before marriage if you're sexually compatible.
Or at least have a look at what you'll end up in bed with.

i support the idea of sex before AND after marriage.


being pretty conservative, i would suggest that you begin having sex as soon as you are engaged. you know you love the other person. you know you think enough of them to want to spend the rest of your life with them. you probably already intend to have children with them so if there is an unplanned pregnancy you can move up the wedding date. but you still have enough time that if you really cant make the sex work well between you, you can go your seperate ways without having to return wedding presents.

Before.

And I've never met anybody in RL who I knew was going to wait till after they were married (we don't get that a lot around these parts), so I'm not sure how I'd deal with that.

Your thoughts on having sex before or after marriage?
and: if advocating for before...when in the relationship is a good time?

I personally think...before marriage is fine...if you want it AND you HAVE to care about the person enough to want to marry them... or at least interact with them if you get pregnant. As for time....when it feels right to you. Sex should not be put on a scheduled time line, it takes a way the fun.
:fluffle: :D

I once went out with a girl who asked, "What do you think of women who have sex before marriage?" I answered, "That is up to the woman." A few nights later, she had me take her to a store and she bought a very sexy and provocative nightgown. Then we went to her place and she modeled it for me. The rest is history, and no I did not marry her, my buddy did.

PS I was not in love with her, but I was in lust with her and a couple of other women at the time.

PS I was not in love with her, but I was in lust with her and a couple of other women at the time.

Lust is perfectly acceptable...

I just think it's best to have sex with only one lust at a time....one guy can be bad enough...can you imaging juggling 3 or 4....AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! okay done now...return to debate.

Definitely before marriage. Marrying someone you may be sexually incompatible with is unwise. When should the sex start? Depends on what feels right for you, but for me that would probably be a few months after the beginning of the relationship.

I have never in my life dated or gone to bed with a woman who was sexually incompatible with me. Never. What the hell is sexually incompatible anyway? :confused:

I have never in my life dated or gone to bed with a woman who was sexually incompatible with me. Never. What the hell is sexually incompatible anyway? :confused:
Oh, I have. And believe me, you'll know.

After marriage? As in "once the marriage is over"?

Well, I don't intend to get married, plus I think it's irresponsible not to try sex before getting married.
So, definitely before.

I have never in my life dated or gone to bed with a woman who was sexually incompatible with me. Never. What the hell is sexually incompatible anyway? :confused:

I must agree. I don't get it either. IS this some crazy sex lingo?

so, I think too many people are irresponisble with their sex lives, I also think it's not any of my business what they do. I am trying to raise my kids to learn to make their own choices, and to make good choices, my wish for them would be that they would think carefully about all the risks before partaking in any activity (sexual or otherwise) and while I would rather them wait until they were married, I have a feeling that I can trust them to make the right choice for themselves, so if they don't wait I will know that they were really ready.

btw I still don't buy into the 'sexually incompatible' thing. If you want to have sex before marriage, then just say you want to have sex. As far as I can tell any problems between a couple sexually are things that can be compromised on. If you want to have sex before you get married then "I want to" is a good enough reason. "I need to test out my partner to see if they can pleasure me" sounds like an excuse, and a bad one at that. That's just my opinion though.

I'd think that in many case it would be usefull to find out before marriage if you're sexually compatible.
Or at least have a look at what you'll end up in bed with.

What was that song, I think by Willie Nelson, about the women getting to look better around closing time?

As I said in another post, I haven't got a clue what y'all mean by sexual incompatibility. Oh, and I have looked back and said, "I can't believe I went to bed with her," but I was 23 and she was 52 and...

I have never in my life dated or gone to bed with a woman who was sexually incompatible with me. Never. What the hell is sexually incompatible anyway? :confused:

Trust me...sexually incompatible does happen.....*shudder*

What the hell is sexually incompatible anyway? For example, she likes to involve whipcream, and you're lactose intolerant. ;)

Trust me...sexually incompatible does happen.....*shudder*

That isn't really an explanation, now is it?

For example, she likes to involve whipcream, and you're lactose intolerant. ;)
ah, then you need to hit the health food store and get soy whipped cream, see no problem. ;)

Lust is perfectly acceptable...

I just think it's best to have sex with only one lust at a time....one guy can be bad enough...can you imaging juggling 3 or 4....AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! okay done now...return to debate.

Yes I do know what it's like to juggle 3 or 4 women, and it helped that they knew I was not serious about marrying them, they were not serious about me, so everything worked out well.

Oh, I have. And believe me, you'll know.

Well, at the age of 62 I don't think I'm going to find out. :( But I'd like to try. :)

I have never in my life dated or gone to bed with a woman who was sexually incompatible with me. Never. What the hell is sexually incompatible anyway? :confused:
welll there is physical incompatibility that requires alot of patience to deal with. extremely large man with extremely small woman for example. it can be done but maybe youd rather just not have to deal with that fear in her eyes every time you want to have sex. or perhaps a woman would like to know that her man with his 3" erection really can make her eyes roll back in her head before she signs on the dotted line...

there are those who really would rather never be bothered having sex being matched with those who think that 3 times a day is a good minimum. (not that you dont still have to deal with that after marriage no matter how well matched you are in the beginning)

do you really want to find out on your wedding night that your beloved can only climax if you take a cold shower and lie real still? or if you wear rubber, or that he REALLY gets off on pretending to be an infant? personally, id rather know beforehand and have the choice to walk away.

That isn't really an explanation, now is it?I think it's as hard to explain, and as subjective, as something like 'pretty'.
Heck, you might find out you, or your partner, is asexual. i.e. in no way interested in actual sex. It happens. And it might take trying to find out.

For example, she likes to involve whipcream, and you're lactose intolerant. ;)

Compromise, use Kool Whip. :D

welll there is physical incompatibility that requires alot of patience to deal with. extremely large man with extremely small woman for example.

It is like the minister said in our pre-marital class. "If a baby can get out, there isn't a man in the world that can't get in." :D

Heck, you might find out ... your partner, is asexual. i.e. in no way interested in actual sex.

Now that would suck.

Example of my sexual incompatability:

I was seeing this guy who when we had sex had no clue what he was doing. He was just bad. I tried to be helpful and show him what I like, but he got mad at me and told me I was insulting his superior sexual knowledge. WHAT KNOWLEDGE???? :confused: I stayed for a few more weeks, but he never improved, he didn't want to even try. I tried to be understanding..but there's only so much bad sex a person can take....

THAT is sexual incompatablitity

Example of my sexual incompatability:

I was seeing this guy who when we had sex had no clue what he was doing. He was just bad. I tried to be helpful and show him what I like, but he got mad at me and told me I was insulting his superior sexual knowledge. WHAT KNOWLEDGE???? :confused: I stayed for a few more weeks, but he never improved, he didn't want to even try. I tried to be understanding..but there's only so much bad sex a person can take....

THAT is sexual incompatablitity
men would understand this much more if THEY were the ones who only had a 30% chance of orgam during intercourse even when they are experienced at it.

Well, at the age of 62 I don't think I'm going to find out. :( But I'd like to try. :)
Heh, pwned me there :p
You must have been really lucky, though, to never have that experience.

And as for "explanation", I'll second Ashmoria above.
Plus I'll add that it's not only "dramatic" things that make two people sexually incompatible. Just, you know, when their notions of what constitutes good sex are...different. Different in a way that really, really bugs you. And while Smunkeeville above is right that you can/should always try to find a compromise, I'm honestly not sure if I'd want to.

Now, don't get me wrong, if I honestly and deeply loved someone and couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life without him, I'd probably try and make it work. But, I mean, it's sex - I can't imagine sex being very satisfying if both partners are continually compromising.

Example of my sexual incompatability:

I was seeing this guy who when we had sex had no clue what he was doing. He was just bad. I tried to be helpful and show him what I like, but he got mad at me and told me I was insulting his superior sexual knowledge. WHAT KNOWLEDGE???? :confused: I stayed for a few more weeks, but he never improved, he didn't want to even try. I tried to be understanding..but there's only so much bad sex a person can take....

THAT is sexual incompatablitity

I have never ever had bad sex, but I have had good sex and great sex. Even "bad sex" can be good sex...aw you know what I mean...unless of course you didn't get to...I have to go do the laundry. :(

Now I understand what you mean about sexual incompatibility. However, I think the incompatibility was a lot more than sexual. It sounds like he had a real ego problem and was a selfish person.

It is like the minister said in our pre-marital class. "If a baby can get out, there isn't a man in the world that can't get in." :DDoesn't mean it can't hurt like hell.

But, I mean, it's sex - I can't imagine sex being very satisfying if both partners are continually compromising.

Amen and with that said I really must go get the laundry done or go to work next week naked. :eek:

I have never ever had bad sex, but I have had good sex and great sex. Even "bad sex" can be good sex...aw you know what I mean...unless of course you didn't get to...I have to go do the laundry. :(

Now I understand what you mean about sexual incompatibility. However, I think the incompatibility was a lot more than sexual. It sounds like he had a real ego problem and was a selfish person.

The ego thing you have a point...he kept telling me he was casanova.....but truly the guy wouldn't know what to do to make a girl enjoy herself if he had the legendary casanova journal/handbook right in front of him.

Definitely before marriage. Marrying someone you may be sexually incompatible with is unwise. Compatibility is no longer an issue (http://www.microsoft.com/mac/products/virtualpc/virtualpc.aspx?pid=virtualpc).

I'm one of the sex-after-marriage (or never if you're not going to marry) crowd. Sorry. :)

he kept telling me he was casanova....Perhaps he confused casanova and casava ;)

Compatibility is no longer an issue (http://www.microsoft.com/mac/products/virtualpc/virtualpc.aspx?pid=virtualpc).

I'm one of the sex-after-marriage (or never if you're not going to marry) crowd. Sorry. :)

No need to apologize, unless you plan to force me to live the same way too.

No need to apologize, unless you plan to force me to live the same way too. I'm incredibly polite and urbane, so I apologise constantly like a gent.

And no, I won't force you to live the same way I do. There can only be one ruler of the world, after all… ;)

Compatibility is no longer an issue (http://www.microsoft.com/mac/products/virtualpc/virtualpc.aspx?pid=virtualpc).

I'm one of the sex-after-marriage (or never if you're not going to marry) crowd. Sorry. :)

*shudder* that is a compromise no one should be forced to make!

Of course these days it's easy enough to first marry, then have sex, and then divorce almost immediately afterwards. Kinda defeating the point.
Perhaps instead of 'before/after marriage', we should ask about 'before/after having a long term relationship'.

Now, don't get me wrong, if I honestly and deeply loved someone and couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life without him, I'd probably try and make it work. But, I mean, it's sex - I can't imagine sex being very satisfying if both partners are continually compromising.
Sex, like anything else in life is about compromise, you can't always have things exactly like you want, and if you do chances are that your partner is not getting anything the way they want it. My goal in bed is to please my husband and his goal is to please me, the bedroom is not a place for selfishness. Someone who is only concerned with having everything the way they want it, and only care about their own pleasure, will probably never have "good sex", but again that's just my opinion.

*shudder* that is a compromise no one should be forced to make! Are you referring to Virtual PC?

Of course these days it's easy enough to first marry, then have sex, and then divorce almost immediately afterwards. Kinda defeating the point.
Perhaps instead of 'before/after marriage', we should ask about 'before/after having a long term relationship'.

I realize there are some people who should never have married in the first place and we do need to have divorce. I'm not at all against it when necessary.

However, I think a lot of people who get married are not committed to the marrage. Their attitude seems to be, "If it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce." Therefor, when problems do arise in the marrage, and they will, instead of trying to work through it or seek conseling, they see the lawyer.

Now, I may be a bit biased as I have been married to the same woman for 37 years. We were engaged three times, she broke it off the first time, I broke it off the second time, and the third time worked. Maybe we lasted so long because we did most of our fighting before we got married. :)

I don't want to hijack the thread, so I'll start a new one if y'all prefer it. What do you think?

New thread http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10228541#post10228541

I realize there are some people who should never have married in the first place and we do need to have divorce. I'm not at all against it when necessary.

However, I think a lot of people who get married are not committed to the marrage. Their attitude seems to be, "If it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce." Therefor, when problems do arise in the marrage, and they will, instead of trying to work through it or seek conseling, they see the lawyer.

Now, I may be a bit biased as I have been married to the same woman for 37 years. We were engaged three times, she broke it off the first time, I broke it off the second time, and the third time worked. Maybe we lasted so long because we did most of our fighting before we got married. :)

I don't want to hijack the thread, so I'll start a new one if y'all prefer it. What do you think?

nah. I agree with you, so there wouldn't be much debate :D

Sorry about all the spelling errors above, but I forgot to run spell check. In any case, here is the new thread.

http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?p=10228541#post10228541