NationStates Jolt Archive

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. Frankly, I hate bad boys. Let's face it Bad Boys are usually too good looking for their own good, which is why they can be bad. New girl every week, guys envy them...sure this might be okay for some girls but not me.

I always found bad boys to be vain, shallow and inconsiderate.Trying to reform a bad boy is as effective as banging your head against a brick wall to try and knock it down.:headbang: I do admitt I had my run with a few bad boys, but found only heart ache at the end of it...and a lot of unwanted attention. As a girl, if you date a bad boy, when the relationship ends you become the object of desire for many guys because

A) if the bad boy dated you it's acceptable for an envious guy to try and use you to advance his social standing in a highschool/university setting.
B)If you dated the bad boy, you must be easy because let's face it, bad boys have a rep for getting it from every girl they date.

As if guys weren't bad enough, you also have girls trying to be your fake friend so you can introduce them to the bad boy or they're shunning you completely because your a slut. Why else would he have gone out with you instead of them.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

I'd like a nice _girl_. I'd like a nice guy if I weren't, you know... straight. :p

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

I, frankly, will take anybody. My standards are hideously low.

Nice girls have their own set of benifits for dating them....so I understand.
Good luck in your search

hebbie gebbies LOL! Mispelling is funny! So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them It's the sweat.

I am both a nice guy and a bad boy.

I find placing men into an either/or category is generalization and sexism. We are too complex for your "rules".

Nice girls have their own set of benifits for dating them....so I understand.
Good luck in your search

"Benefits"? ;)

I am both a nice guy and a bad boy.

Go figure. Basically, what you're trying to say is that you need a wash and a shave?

Basically, what you're trying to say is that you need a wash and a shave?

Heh .... please? ;)

Nah ... I edited my post to be more clear.

only a drama queen wants a bad boy. they arent worth the time you spend on them unless you love the ups and downs of it all.

Heh .... please? ;)

Nah ... I edited my post to be more clear. You're wrong, though. A lot of men are not complex at all. [chav rant]*snip*[/chav rant]

And it seems that this label-hierarchy thing is more American than anything else - since I've never heard of much of it from any other place.

I'm the kid who goes to parties when not invited, farts all over everything and eats your french fries when you're not looking.

I am both a nice guy and a bad boy.

I find placing men into an either/or category is generalization and sexism. We are too complex for your "rules".
Yeah, I was about to say the same thing. The OP's pigeon-holing is ridiculous.

And it seems that this label-hierarchy thing is more American than anything else - since I've never heard of much of it from any other place.

True ... we're bad about it. I'm not really sure why. Maybe some sociologist has studied it.

I'm the kid who goes to parties when not invited, farts all over everything and eats your french fries when you're not looking.

Hooray!!!! You're everyone I hung out with in college.

'Tis a tad pigeon-holish. I don't fit into either category (although I'm not sure if "completely undateable" could be a "category"), and most people probably don't either… unless they are the people who need to be categorised to feel more secure.

Hooray!!!! You're everyone I hung out with in college.

Are you sure I'm not someone from your college...? *twilight zone*

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.


Amen!
I'm 35 and I finally found my nice guy--we're getting married in October. This is the greatest, most mature (and at the same time immature lol) relationship I've ever had. I didn't have a cat for him to hug me over, but I was recently downsized out of a job and he has been the most supportive man a woman could ask for. And the sex is great too!

True ... we're bad about it. I'm not really sure why. Maybe some sociologist has studied it.

There have been many studies of this phenominon; unfortunately every sociologist who has ever published their findings has imeadiatley been labeled either a fraud, or a communist and so nobody ever pays attention to their work - oh the juicy juicy irony.

I am both a nice guy and a bad boy.

I find placing men into an either/or category is generalization and sexism. We are too complex for your "rules".


Everyone is too complex for rules and boxes. People just do that to make life easier...it's the laziness/ self defense factor. If we can put you in a generalized box it helps us to protect our self from hurt by avoiding the situation. I'm a good girl, but I have a wild streak a mile wide. Most people however only ever see the goodie goodie...so that is what i became...Only the privilaged get to see the naughty side of me....tee hee hee;)

So don't be insulted that I catagorize, it's not personal cause I don't know you. I was making a generalization about guys as a whole..or whole group I guess.
:p :p

Everyone is too complex for rules and boxes. People just do that to make life easier...it's the laziness/ self defense factor. If we can put you in a generalized box it helps us to protect our self from hurt by avoiding the situation. I'm a good girl, but I have a wild streak a mile wide. Most people however only ever see the goodie goodie...so that is what i became...Only the privilaged get to see the naughty side of me....tee hee hee;)

So don't be insulted that I catagorize, it's not personal cause I don't know you. I was making a generalization about guys as a whole..or whole group I guess.
:p :p

I'll generalize you. >_>

<_<

*flee!*

Amen!
I'm 35 and I finally found my nice guy--we're getting married in October. This is the greatest, most mature (and at the same time immature lol) relationship I've ever had. I didn't have a cat for him to hug me over, but I was recently downsized out of a job and he has been the most supportive man a woman could ask for. And the sex is great too!

Congrats to you Mimes...best of luck in your marriage

Everyone is too complex for rules and boxes. People just do that to make life easier.
I understand that, but using merely two categories is way too short.

I'll generalize you. >_>

<_<

*flee!*

GRRR...*bite snap teeth*...meh whatever....catagorize me at will....

GRRR...*bite snap teeth*...meh whatever....catagorize me at will....

I will.

As a... uh...

Let me get back to you on that.

*flee x2!*

Amen!
I'm 35 and I finally found my nice guy--we're getting married in October. This is the greatest, most mature (and at the same time immature lol) relationship I've ever had. I didn't have a cat for him to hug me over, but I was recently downsized out of a job and he has been the most supportive man a woman could ask for. And the sex is great too!

I don't think we needed to know about the sex, but congratulations.

I understand that, but using merely two categories is way too short.

I was only talking about 2 groups. I could go into the massive amounts of catagories....but that would take up more than 3 pages.

I don't think we needed to know about the sex, but congratulations.

Maybe you didn't. I did. I think sex is an important part of any relationship. And for once I'm not being sarcastic.

Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

*likes being a teddy bear*

:P
(edit: hehe that was actually one girl's nickname for me at school...)

Any generalisation is useless when it comes to relationships. If you make your judgements in a relationship based on generalisations and not knowledge of the individual, it's doomed.

Maybe you didn't. I did. I think sex is an important part of any relationship. And for once I'm not being sarcastic.

WOW...:eek: I agree with this too...ha....i could start a whole new thread on that particular topic....

Everyone starts a relationship on a generalization...You seek out people in your generalized box and then you learn more about them as the relationship progresses. I like to date the drama guys. I found that some of them can be assholes....not all are good, but that personality type is one of many that I do like and usually get along with.
The generalization disapears with time.

Everyone starts a relationship on a generalization...
Haha. Ironic how that's a generalisation in itself...

I firmly believe that everybody is going to find what they are looking for.

You look for a nice guy, you'll find one.
You look for bad guys, you'll find them. And loads of them.

It only gets complicated when you don't know what you are looking for, or when you are not aware of what you are REALLY looking for.

In general, you will attract what you are yourself.

Thus spoke Dorstfeld.

I thought opposites attracted:confused:

You can't be completely the same...that gets boring

I thought opposites attracted:confused:

You can't be completely the same...that gets boring

Didn't say the same in all respects, that would indeed be boring. Soooo predictable, hehe.

Opposites attract, but they don't stay together.

I thought opposites attracted:confused:

Homosexuality breaks that thought.

You want a guy who will love and respect you and treat you right, yes? Of course you do.

But I assume that you don't want a self professed "nice guy" that spends his entire life lamenting the fact that he is single, bemoans his appearance and lacks the confidence to ask a girl out in the first place - blaming his failings on the fact that "nice guys" apparently finish last. Do you? That's the type of "nice guy" that is whingeing in that thread.

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

I totally agree with you ;)

But sadly, when you are a nice guy (what I feel I am, or at least I try my best to be, and I think I'm not failing too much here), it's hard to get a girl :/

Especially when you are shy... because it's hard for a girl to know that you're "a nice guy".

Any advise ? ;)

Homosexuality breaks that thought.

I guess...but my gay friends are really different in personality....if i had a girlfriend...I'd want one with a different personality than me.

I'll say that much:

If you don't have any common ground, you won't last.
That includes tastes, interests, opinions, values and morals.
There has to be a strong shared set.

You want a guy who will love and respect you and treat you right, yes? Of course you do.

But I assume that you don't want a self professed "nice guy" that spends his entire life lamenting the fact that he is single, bemoans his appearance and lacks the confidence to ask a girl out in the first place - blaming his failings on the fact that "nice guys" apparently finish last. Do you? That's the type of "nice guy" that is whingeing in that thread.


UGH!!! no whiners....whining is irritating.

I guess...but my gay friends are really different in personality....if i had a girlfriend...I'd want one with a different personality than me.

Pft. You and your blasted logic.

You want a guy who will love and respect you and treat you right, yes? Of course you do.

But I assume that you don't want a self professed "nice guy" that spends his entire life lamenting the fact that he is single, bemoans his appearance and lacks the confidence to ask a girl out in the first place - blaming his failings on the fact that "nice guys" apparently finish last. Do you? That's the type of "nice guy" that is whingeing in that thread.

Should I feel targetted by this ? ;)

Well, you're not totally wrong, but hey, it's not that easy either !

Should I feel targetted by this ? ;)

Well, you're not totally wrong, but hey, it's not that easy either !

No, it's not, I know. I'm 19 and i've never had a girl. Even so, self pity isn't going to help you any. It's a turnoff.

UGH!!! no whiners....whining is irritating.

Exactly right. Don't feel sympathy for so called "nice guys". They'll eventually grow up and realise.

The guys i dated that seemed like good guys ended up just being really good at lying.

The bad boys are at least honest about it.

I prefer the company of men, but i've finally come into my own in life, and realize that i don't need someone else to make me whole.

Genetically speaking, males are predisposed to be promiscuous--its the most effective form of genetic propagation. It's been bred into the species. Females, on the other hand, are genetically predisposed to be more selective, as this is the most effective means of passing their genes on to the next generation. Over the millenia, promiscuous males and selective females were the ones whose genes best survived, making that the norm.

Women want to "nest". Men want to "breed". As a female, i can take almost any male to bed that i want. Trying to keep them is the mistake, as it goes against their genetic programming.

And the few men that really are devoted to one woman usually get married young and stay married, so they aren't in the dating pool at all.

Bah, its the single life for me. No drama. no complications. Life is good.

And it seems that this label-hierarchy thing is more American than anything else - since I've never heard of much of it from any other place.
This is why a bunch of towelheads crashed planes into the world trade centre in 2001: they knew they would never score a cheerleader with blonde hair and teeth that cost her daddy a small fortune.

I totally agree with you ;)

But sadly, when you are a nice guy (what I feel I am, or at least I try my best to be, and I think I'm not failing too much here), it's hard to get a girl :/

Especially when you are shy... because it's hard for a girl to know that you're "a nice guy".

Any advise ? ;)

Um....um....i dunno...shy guys are cool...but some girls like guys who can just take charge and ask them out. My ex was uber shy....still is....but he finally asked out a girl he liked and she said.....YES! So I guess you just have to try. Shyness has a cute and mysterious quality....very sexy...but too shy can be hard to deal with too cause it could mean being alone for a long while.....
.....*kicks self in butt* "take your own advice stupid...stop having crushes from afar" *beats up inner voice* "shut up!!!!"

Talk long enough to someone of the opposite sex 1 on 1 that is your age, and reasonable, and you're likely to become attracted to them.

If you're lucky enough to be a somewhat good looking dork like me, a good number of women will tend to attract to you anyways and put up with your nerdy stuff long enough to find out your attractive side.

No, it's not, I know. I'm 19 and i've never had a girl. Even so, self pity isn't going to help you any. It's a turnoff.

Sure :) Self pity won't help, it'll just make you depress.

And I agree that whining isn't good either. I hope my post was not interpreted as whining ;)

Anyway, good luck to you ;)

If you're lucky enough to be a somewhat good looking dork like me, a good number of women will tend to attract to you anyways and put up with your nerdy stuff long enough to find out your attractive side.

AWWW....dorky is soooooo cute.

*Note to guys* I repeat that dorkiness is cute....but if you spend more time on a computer than with her...she will eventually get fed up and leave

Um....um....i dunno...shy guys are cool...but some girls like guys who can just take charge and ask them out. My ex was uber shy....still is....but he finally asked out a girl he liked and she said.....YES! So I guess you just have to try. Shyness has a cute and mysterious quality....very sexy...but too shy can be hard to deal with too cause it could mean being alone for a long while.....

Hehe, thanks :) Thanks for your advises ;)

.....*kicks self in butt* "take your own advice stupid...stop having crushes from afar" *beats up inner voice* "shut up!!!!"

Good luck to you too ! And courage to follow your own advice ! ;)

I prefer the company of men, but i've finally come into my own in life, and realize that i don't need someone else to make me whole.

Feminist Heathen! (joking)

AWWW....dorky is soooooo cute.

*Note to guys* I repeat that dorkiness is cute....but if you spend more time on a computer than with her...she will eventually get fed up and leave

So maybe I have a chance ? ;)

I am a deep geek, but beeing with my gf is one of the very few reasons for which I can stay away from computers ;) (ok, I've a just a short experience about that... but it did work ;) ). The second one being politics, but well, maybe that's why I'm hanging in NS now ;)

So maybe I have a chance ? ;)

I am a deep geek, but beeing with my gf is one of the very few reasons for which I can stay away from computers ;) (ok, I've a just a short experience about that... but it did work ;) ). The second one being politics, but well, maybe that's why I'm hanging in NS now ;)

Politics and the internet. Get ready for the ultimate - get ready for swear word you little kiddies...

...
...
...

...bitchfest. Ya, I said it.

Most of the self-labeled "nice guys" are as jealous, self-centered, and slimy as any bad boy. The fact is, most nice guys act that nice because they fear how people perceive them, they're afraid of rejection, and are often very clingy.

What women mean when they say nice guy, is a "good guy". He's outgoing, fun, generous, whathaveyou. But he's independent, confident in himself, and optimistic. He doesn't take shiat from anyone or anything. He's nice but retains the masculinity that makes the bad boy so appealing. He's not afraid of himself.

Take me for example, I'm a former "nice guy". I couldn't stick up for myself, and I felt that being clingy and catering was the only way to a girl. It ain't. Instead, I saw myself for what I had, embraced the fact that I am who I am. I'm successful in what I do, and I treat people with respect. And I don't back down from confrontation anymore. Given these qualities, you'll find yourself more successful in not just the dating world, but life in general.

Be strong, and be yourself. Those two things should be complimentary. You should find strength in yourself. People who are worthwhile will notice it.

Most of the self-labeled "nice guys" are as jealous, self-centered, and slimy as any bad boy. The fact is, most nice guys act that nice because they fear how people perceive them, they're afraid of rejection, and are often very clingy.

What women mean when they say nice guy, is a "good guy". He's outgoing, fun, generous, whathaveyou. But he's independent, confident in himself, and optimistic. He doesn't take shiat from anyone or anything. He's nice but retains the masculinity that makes the bad boy so appealing. He's not afraid of himself.

Take me for example, I'm a former "nice guy". I couldn't stick up for myself, and I felt that being clingy and catering was the only way to a girl. It ain't. Instead, I saw myself for what I had, embraced the fact that I am who I am. I'm successful in what I do, and I treat people with respect. And I don't back down from confrontation anymore. Given these qualities, you'll find yourself more successful in not just the dating world, but life in general.

Be strong, and be yourself. Those two things should be complimentary. You should find strength in yourself. People who are worthwhile will notice it.

Actually some nice guys are nice because they're brought up that way. It's called discipline.

Most of the self-labeled "nice guys" are as jealous, self-centered, and slimy as any bad boy. The fact is, most nice guys act that nice because they fear how people perceive them, they're afraid of rejection, and are often very clingy.

What women mean when they say nice guy, is a "good guy". He's outgoing, fun, generous, whathaveyou. But he's independent, confident in himself, and optimistic. He doesn't take shiat from anyone or anything. He's nice but retains the masculinity that makes the bad boy so appealing. He's not afraid of himself.

Take me for example, I'm a former "nice guy". I couldn't stick up for myself, and I felt that being clingy and catering was the only way to a girl. It ain't. Instead, I saw myself for what I had, embraced the fact that I am who I am. I'm successful in what I do, and I treat people with respect. And I don't back down from confrontation anymore. Given these qualities, you'll find yourself more successful in not just the dating world, but life in general.

Be strong, and be yourself. Those two things should be complimentary. You should find strength in yourself. People who are worthwhile will notice it.

Precisely. :)

Actually some nice guys are nice because they're brought up that way. It's called discipline.

Good guys have discipline. Nice guys are less than honest and use niceness as a front.

Most of the self-labeled "nice guys" are as jealous, self-centered, and slimy as any bad boy.

On that I do agree ;)

The fact is, most nice guys act that nice because they fear how people perceive them, they're afraid of rejection, and are often very clingy.

Caring about what people will think of you is not a bad thing. It's one of the core of social relationship. But of course, it shouldn't be the main reason for which you are "nice".

What women mean when they say nice guy, is a "good guy". He's outgoing, fun, generous, whathaveyou. But he's independent, confident in himself, and optimistic. He doesn't take shiat from anyone or anything. He's nice but retains the masculinity that makes the bad boy so appealing. He's not afraid of himself.

You're right that being nice doesn't mean always saying "yes" and not being able to stand on your ground sometimes. But on the other hand, being too much independant, too much self-confident, easily leads to arrogance and egoism. You have to listen to others. To accept to do as they want, at least sometimes. You've to find an equilibrium between the two.

Be strong, and be yourself.

Strong to what ? To protect and help the ones you love ? Sure. To stand up for your ideals ? Definitely. But being strong for being strong is pointless, it's just pride, and it's not being nice. You should be able to be strong when the situation requires it, but on the other hand, you should consider that being strong is goal in itself.

Same for being yourself. You should never forget who you are, but you should also accept that the other ones are themselves, and that you need to "compromise" with them, and to adapt yourself to them. That's something wonderful in a relationship, trying to "become" a bit the other one, by trying to understand his/her point of view, his/her fields of interest, and so on.

Take me for example, I'm a former "nice guy". I couldn't stick up for myself, and I felt that being clingy and catering was the only way to a girl. It ain't. Instead, I saw myself for what I had, embraced the fact that I am who I am. I'm successful in what I do, and I treat people with respect. And I don't back down from confrontation anymore. Given these qualities, you'll find yourself more successful in not just the dating world, but life in general.


Congrats on your new found self

I totally agree with you ;)

But sadly, when you are a nice guy (what I feel I am, or at least I try my best to be, and I think I'm not failing too much here), it's hard to get a girl :/

Especially when you are shy... because it's hard for a girl to know that you're "a nice guy".

Any advise ? ;)

I know how you feel! I have found, for the most part, that being a nice guy doesn't get you very far - because you just don't seem as exciting to most women as a bad guy does. It's in my nature to be nice, and so far that's left me with some pretty hideous relationship tales to tell!

But I will continue to be nice - because I would rather be a nice guy and be alone, than be in a relationship and turn bad.

I know enough guys to say that 95% of them just seek breeding. The ones that does not end up like me, 20 years old and not even a girlfriend. Of course I got proposals, but who wants a “bad girl” unable to maintain smart conversations or play old dos games except the 95% of the population?

I know enough guys to say that 95% of them just seek breeding.

Hum, I strongly disagree with your 95%. But I agree that many do.

The ones that does not end up like me, 20 years old and not even a girlfriend.

Not very far from my own situations ;)

Of course I got proposals, but who wants a “bad girl” unable to maintain smart conversations or play old dos games except the 95% of the population?

LOL for the DOS games part ;) I'm not sure many girls would be as happy as I was when I saw I could run Day of the Tentacle (with SCUMMVM) on my PDA ! ;)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kilobugya
I totally agree with you

But sadly, when you are a nice guy (what I feel I am, or at least I try my best to be, and I think I'm not failing too much here), it's hard to get a girl :/

Especially when you are shy... because it's hard for a girl to know that you're "a nice guy".

Any advise ?


I know how you feel! I have found, for the most part, that being a nice guy doesn't get you very far - because you just don't seem as exciting to most women as a bad guy does. It's in my nature to be nice, and so far that's left me with some pretty hideous relationship tales to tell!

But I will continue to be nice - because I would rather be a nice guy and be alone, than be in a relationship and turn bad.

Okay you both say your nic guys...and there seems to be an abundance of nice/good guys in this forum.....Now explain where the heck I find any nice/good guys where I am.....gggggrrrrrrr...*brooding and pouting*

LOL for the DOS games part ;) I'm not sure many girls would be as happy as I was when I saw I could run Day of the Tentacle (with SCUMMVM) on my PDA ! ;)[/QUOTE]

Ah! One of those surely would be the holy grail!

.

Okay you both say your nic guys...and there seems to be an abundance of nice/good guys in this forum.....Now explain where the heck I find any nice/good guys where I am.....gggggrrrrrrr...*brooding and pouting*
Maybe they're just pretending?;)

Maybe they're just pretending?;)

We can't win!

*looks around the campus* Yuhoo....hello?? Nice guys...where are you??
*looks under the rocks* nope not here
*looks in the classrooms* uh huh...
*looks in the library* uh...nope...not here either
*looks in the gay night club* MATT!!! *jumps and huggles:fluffle: * yey!! your here.... I...ah..wait....you're gay....you won't work in this situation

I can't win *cries*:(

*looks around the campus* Yuhoo....hello?? Nice guys...where are you??
*looks under the rocks* nope not here
*looks in the classrooms* uh huh...
*looks in the library* uh...nope...not here either
*looks in the gay night club* MATT!!! *jumps and huggles:fluffle: * yey!! your here.... I...ah..wait....you're gay....you won't work in this situation

I can't win *cries*:(

Hey, is your nation called SingJessims?
If so, I sent ya a telegram :)

You don't have to be an a**hole yourself to get on in life, but you sure gotta be able to show some a**holes where their limits are.

Nice guy doesn't have to mean wimp.

Hey, is your nation called SingJessims?
If so, I sent ya a telegram :)

yes...yes I am the queen on Singjessims....ALL HAIL the SONG!!!

cool...I'm going to go look at it...i never get telegrams!

I'm more of a "nice guy", but I am rude and I mentally abuse people. Thankfully, most people get me, but those who don't... well, let's just say that they probably won't come over for a lawn bowling tournament. Not that I do that... Sorry, I've been up 30 hours straight, I'm a bit off.

Sigh....as in before post...most of the nice guys I know are gay...and gorgeous, but don't know they are..and did I mention gay....*pout* :( it sucks...straight nice guys are hard to come by

I'm a nice guy, and just about every guy I've ever dated would verify that.

There are too few of you, SingJessims...

Being a nice guy isn't....nice...

I've never had big troubles getting a girlfriend, but they have never seem to understand how a nice guy is different from the bad boy. Which ended up with me having fucked up emotions and a bleeding heart.

As I've grown and become older, I've become more confident and a semi nice guy. And suddenly I have my pockets full of girl's phone numbers, and it has just come like this. *snap*.
And I've known (and still know) loads of girls that say, that they just want a nice guy, and when they get a new boyfriend, is it just the typical bad boy. Which make me lose faith in girls, that say they want a nice guy.

I don't know, if girls only wanted bad boys the only people with girlfriends would be convicts. Things change as people mature, so it honestly doesn't matter at all what the situation is when you're a teenager.

And seeing as how pretty much everyone I know isn't a dick or in jail and they are almost all in some kind of relationship, it doesn't seem to hold true.

[QUOTE=Aworinian]There are too few of you, SingJessims...



I've never had big troubles getting a girlfriend, but they have never seem to understand how a nice guy is different from the bad boy. Which ended up with me having fucked up emotions and a bleeding heart.

As I've grown and become older, I've become more confident and a semi nice guy. And suddenly I have my pockets full of girl's phone numbers, and it has just come like this. *snap*. QUOTE]

Anyone who purposefully fucks with another persons emotions is just plain mean....I hate that and would die before doing it to someone else... mean nasty people...*bite*

As for the confidance comment...I never said being nice= no confidance...you'd have to be some what confiant in yourself to be nice because then you're not upset if called a whimp...Nice does not mean no confidance or being whimpy. Confidance is sexy too....it's a amazing adative to the good guy persona.

[
As for the confidance comment...I never said being nice= no confidance...you'd have to be some what confiant in yourself to be nice because then you're not upset if called a whimp...Nice does not mean no confidance or being whimpy. Confidance is sexy too....it's a amazing adative to the good guy persona.

Actually, it's been my experience also that being nice is a sign of confidence; most people act like asses just because they're insecure about themselves and need to be like that just to cover up that they are that way. Confidence also helps with you're sense of humor and your ability to respond to any situation.

Okay, so here's the question that comes to my head whenever these conversations start-

What exactly is it that constitutes a 'bad boy'? Is The Fonz a bad boy? Danny Zuko? What is a 'bad boy'? Leather jackets and motorcycles? Beer swilling frat boys? Is there a tatoo quota? Unpaid parking tickets? The guy who kicks sand in the wimp's face at the beach? Maverick from Top Gun?

Or, is 'bad guy' a sour grape construction, is 'bad guy' the guy who got the girl instead of you, or the guy who you broke up with after it didn't work out, the one who 'turned out to be a jerk'?

What are the qualities that make up 'bad guy' or 'nice guy'?

As a female, i can take almost any male to bed that i want.
This is rather presumptuous, arrogant even.

Okay, so here's the question that comes to my head whenever these conversations start-

What exactly is it that constitutes a 'bad boy'? Is The Fonz a bad boy? Danny Zuko? What is a 'bad boy'? Leather jackets and motorcycles? Beer swilling frat boys? Is there a tatoo quota? Unpaid parking tickets? The guy who kicks sand in the wimp's face at the beach? Maverick from Top Gun?

Or, is 'bad guy' a sour grape construction, is 'bad guy' the guy who got the girl instead of you, or the guy who you broke up with after it didn't work out, the one who 'turned out to be a jerk'?

What are the qualities that make up 'bad guy' or 'nice guy'?
I think looking for any sense in these generalisations, or the use of them in making theories about relationships, will only lead to frustration. I strongly advise you to give up now.

This is rather presumptuous, arrogant even.

Not if it's true

Not if it's true
Well, maybe she has pulled every guy she has ever found attractive, but i doubt it.

*looks around the campus* Yuhoo....hello?? Nice guys...where are you??
*looks under the rocks* nope not here
*looks in the classrooms* uh huh...
*looks in the library* uh...nope...not here either
*looks in the gay night club* MATT!!! *jumps and huggles:fluffle: * yey!! your here.... I...ah..wait....you're gay....you won't work in this situation

I can't win *cries*:(

Perhaps you're just not looking hard enough? I'm a nice/good guy (or so I hope others think, anyway), and I'm fairly quiet, especially around people I don't know well (usually I don't like and am not good at "breaking the ice"). I can't believe there are so few nice/good guys where you live - you're probably overlooking some people like me who tend to basically just stick with their already-established friendships and mind their own business otherwise.

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. Frankly, I hate bad boys. Let's face it Bad Boys are usually too good looking for their own good, which is why they can be bad. New girl every week, guys envy them...sure this might be okay for some girls but not me.

I always found bad boys to be vain, shallow and inconsiderate.Trying to reform a bad boy is as effective as banging your head against a brick wall to try and knock it down.:headbang: I do admitt I had my run with a few bad boys, but found only heart ache at the end of it...and a lot of unwanted attention. As a girl, if you date a bad boy, when the relationship ends you become the object of desire for many guys because

A) if the bad boy dated you it's acceptable for an envious guy to try and use you to advance his social standing in a highschool/university setting.
B)If you dated the bad boy, you must be easy because let's face it, bad boys have a rep for getting it from every girl they date.

As if guys weren't bad enough, you also have girls trying to be your fake friend so you can introduce them to the bad boy or they're shunning you completely because your a slut. Why else would he have gone out with you instead of them.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????



Marry me. :) :D

Never sure what I am really. Generally percieved as a "bad guy" due to immense ambition, and a some what unscrupolous nature in its acquisition, however socially I'm probably the "nice guy".

In response to the question, I'd rather have a nice girl anyday.

Marry me. :) :D

Marry you?
Whao now...we need to discuss some things. What side of the bed do you like? Do you want kids? Will you act with me?? LOL:p Kidding. Seriously though, don't know you:D

I'm a nice guy, but I want a nice girl who's a bad girl in bed.

This is just about the most shallow, stereotypical rant on gender relations I've ever read. Were I to launch myself into endless pontifications as to the differences between "nice girls" and "bad girls," and the reasons for my preference for either class, I'd be condemned as a sexist, and rightly so. Guys are not cartoon characters, Miss Jessims, and until you gain a broader perspective and better understanding for the lesser-fair sex, I fear for your romantic future.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????
I'm looking for a Nice Girl who will accept me as I am as I will accept her. I love cats more than dogs, but I'm no dog hater. Not very athletic, infact, not athletic at all. I tend to be on the shy side, but will open up once I get to know you. I'm alway willing to try new things and believe in doing things together. as for teddy bears? I was voted most huggable looking by my class and sadly, very few attempted to find out how huggable I am.

as for location... Hawaii... so I'm kinda isolated.

am I nice... I'd like to say I am, but I'll leave the final judgement up to you.

*looks around the campus* Yuhoo....hello?? Nice guys...where are you??
*looks under the rocks* nope not here
*looks in the classrooms* uh huh...
*looks in the library* uh...nope...not here either
*looks in the gay night club* MATT!!! *jumps and huggles:fluffle: * yey!! your here.... I...ah..wait....you're gay....you won't work in this situation

I can't win *cries*:(
sounds like my High School life... except replace Guys with Girls... and Matt with Cari... :(

I read the OP, and I realize that I am slowly becoming less of a nice guy and more of an irrational shark. I desire a true relationship but hell I also just want to find someone that'll like me.

Yes.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

Well I'm a nice guy in that I hate hurting people, act the gentleman at all times, and I will hug you if your feeling down (I'm even a poet). However I am also someone who stays in shape, and among my hobbies are kickboxing and airsoft (kinda like paintballing). Does that make me any less of a nice guy, in your opinion?

Yes.
Very insightful :p

I consider bad guys to be overly promiscuous, egotistical, and arrogant. Perhaps worse than this are those who aim to be 'bad', or who brag about being so, likely hurting their partners more in their quest to outdo the stereotype. Working out doesn't make you 'bad'... it's more emotional than that.

Most of the girls I know who go for the 'bad boy' have been seduced by the American Image of fast cars and adventure, with ego somehow denoting 'worth' in their eyes. I think as people get older they'll realise bad boys are like shares in Railtrack... initial return followed by an everlasting decline in value. Why not invest in O2 instead? Nice guys who care about you are going to make you happy in the long run.

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. Frankly, I hate bad boys. Let's face it Bad Boys are usually too good looking for their own good, which is why they can be bad. New girl every week, guys envy them...sure this might be okay for some girls but not me.

I always found bad boys to be vain, shallow and inconsiderate.Trying to reform a bad boy is as effective as banging your head against a brick wall to try and knock it down.:headbang: I do admitt I had my run with a few bad boys, but found only heart ache at the end of it...and a lot of unwanted attention. As a girl, if you date a bad boy, when the relationship ends you become the object of desire for many guys because

A) if the bad boy dated you it's acceptable for an envious guy to try and use you to advance his social standing in a highschool/university setting.
B)If you dated the bad boy, you must be easy because let's face it, bad boys have a rep for getting it from every girl they date.

As if guys weren't bad enough, you also have girls trying to be your fake friend so you can introduce them to the bad boy or they're shunning you completely because your a slut. Why else would he have gone out with you instead of them.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????
I had a bad boy couple years ago...he stole my car, pawned my jewelry, smoked crack with my paycheck, and ran off with a fat bleached blonde. My nice guy...married me..bought me a house and is helping to raise my two teenagers. I never want for anything, altho we're not rich by any means. Hmmmm...which should I choose...bad boy or nice guy ?? :)

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. < snip > I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????
You don't say how old you are, but even if you're edging toward 30, you're still very perceptive and wise for a woman your age. Good luck with your search! :)

if it helps my prospects...

I know how to massage! :D

I had a bad boy couple years ago...he stole my car, pawned my jewelry, smoked crack with my paycheck, and ran off with a fat bleached blonde.

That's awful... and running off with a fat bleached blonde after? Holy... What a ------!

You don't say how old you are, but even if you're edging toward 30, you're still very perceptive and wise for a woman your age. Good luck with your search! :)
actually, to me, that might be a BIG "+"

actually, to me, that might be a BIG "+"
:D

as for teddy bears? I was voted most huggable looking by my class and sadly, very few attempted to find out how huggable I am.

haha guess who once had the nickname "teddybear"?
yeah, thats right, me :p

*is a big huggy teddy* ;) (thats another nickname... one my parents use still sometimes: "huggy" :P)


i agree with the rest of your post except that i seem to have found that girl, and she's simply divine (was going to say 'wonderful' but she's even better than that! :fluffle: )
roll on valentine's day!

haha guess who once had the nickname "teddybear"?
yeah, thats right, me :p

*is a big huggy teddy* ;) (thats another nickname... one my parents use still sometimes: "huggy" :P)


i agree with the rest of your post except that i seem to have found that girl, and she's simply divine (was going to say 'wonderful' but she's even better than that! :fluffle: )
roll on valentine's day!
:mad: you.... YOU... YOU LUCKY BASTARD YOU!!! ;)

Nice guys pwn. Er... kick ass. Yeah.

:mad: you.... YOU... YOU LUCKY BASTARD YOU!!! ;)
hahaha i am!! :p

seriously, i am. i'm luckier than a four-leaf clover on a thursday to have her :fluffle:

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. Frankly, I hate bad boys. Let's face it Bad Boys are usually too good looking for their own good, which is why they can be bad. New girl every week, guys envy them...sure this might be okay for some girls but not me.

I always found bad boys to be vain, shallow and inconsiderate.Trying to reform a bad boy is as effective as banging your head against a brick wall to try and knock it down.:headbang: I do admitt I had my run with a few bad boys, but found only heart ache at the end of it...and a lot of unwanted attention. As a girl, if you date a bad boy, when the relationship ends you become the object of desire for many guys because

A) if the bad boy dated you it's acceptable for an envious guy to try and use you to advance his social standing in a highschool/university setting.
B)If you dated the bad boy, you must be easy because let's face it, bad boys have a rep for getting it from every girl they date.

As if guys weren't bad enough, you also have girls trying to be your fake friend so you can introduce them to the bad boy or they're shunning you completely because your a slut. Why else would he have gone out with you instead of them.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

BUhahahahahahahahahahah Bull shit I consider my self a nice guy....well was a nice guy now I just hate everyone and their kittens. But when I was a nice guy I was single. For 2 years. And now I'm a jerk to everyone and still single... well at least I get a good laugh instead of being miserable

yea it's really hard to find a perfect someone but the time will come trust me

<snip>I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????
How did I only just find this today? You're my hero.

I want a nice guy...

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. Frankly, I hate bad boys. Let's face it Bad Boys are usually too good looking for their own good, which is why they can be bad. New girl every week, guys envy them...sure this might be okay for some girls but not me.

I always found bad boys to be vain, shallow and inconsiderate.Trying to reform a bad boy is as effective as banging your head against a brick wall to try and knock it down.:headbang: I do admitt I had my run with a few bad boys, but found only heart ache at the end of it...and a lot of unwanted attention. As a girl, if you date a bad boy, when the relationship ends you become the object of desire for many guys because

A) if the bad boy dated you it's acceptable for an envious guy to try and use you to advance his social standing in a highschool/university setting.
B)If you dated the bad boy, you must be easy because let's face it, bad boys have a rep for getting it from every girl they date.

As if guys weren't bad enough, you also have girls trying to be your fake friend so you can introduce them to the bad boy or they're shunning you completely because your a slut. Why else would he have gone out with you instead of them.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

You are a liar,just like every other woman.

You are a liar,just like every other woman.

Unless you are the first person on earth to have met every woman on earth, I recommend you refrain from not only generalizing, but using the word "every" to describe a particular trait. Otherwise, you are just asking to get burned in hopes of self justification.

I wd lik a ncie girl. Oh siht, a gay pesron tuched me. Nwo I wtan a nice guy lolz11!!11!1

So basically you want a gay boyfriend - here is a little hint for you; straight guys want one thing, a female with an hour glass figure that signals that you're furtile, and then maybe you'll accept his DNA for the continuation of the species.

What you call 'love' is your reproductive organs wanting to procreate, and what a male calls 'love' is his desire to spread his DNA as widely as possible - little wonder that relationships fall to shit when everyone is concerned with their animal instincts than the other person.

So basically you want a gay boyfriend - here is a little hint for you; straight guys want one thing, a female with an hour glass figure that signals that you're furtile, and then maybe you'll accept his DNA for the continuation of the species.

What you call 'love' is your reproductive organs wanting to procreate, and what a male calls 'love' is his desire to spread his DNA as widely as possible - little wonder that relationships fall to shit when everyone is concerned with their animal instincts than the other person.

Incorrect. That is lust, the drive to have sex as soon as possible, because they insitinctively push all the right buttons. Love comes from the instinctual desire for a life partner, and so love comes when you feel they are perfect in every respect. You can love before you know everything, and when you find out about any other problem you might fall out of love. However it is not a desire for sex, but one for sharing the rest of your life together.

This has probably already been said, but since I'm too lazy to read all 8 pages of this post, here's my opinion... or something.

No one wants a 'nice guy'. I'm proof of that.

I've been a nice, considerate guy for my entire 22, almost 23 years on this planet. I've been nice to friends, family, and girls. All 'nice guy' has gotten me is friend status... "...always a shoulder to cry on, but never a penis to hold...".

This nice guy crap is... crap. The only problem is, I can't pull off the 'bad boy' thing. I'm not hot enough for that. No rugged good looks or six-pack abs. I'm the friend with the scruffy face and keg. The only people who knew I existed in highschool were my friends, unless I was bumped into in the hallway by a 'jock' or something. In which case it was my fault he ran into me, then he'd give me shit and I'd have to tell him to fuck off. I may have been a nice guy, but I sure as hell wasn't a push-over.

If I tried to act like a 'bad boy' looking the way I do, it would just comes off as 'inconsiderate jerk' and shove me even further down the ladder of society.

Any woman who thinks I'm not good enough for her just because of the way I look, isn't good enough for me. I don't do shallow... even though I'm a bit shallow myself. I can't afford to be shallow, but at least I'm honest.

-Jon.

I found my (totally perfect) nice guy! He's not a wimp, he knows what he wants, he's isn't afraid to stand up for himself either, and he actually really seems to like me too... Guess what the problem is... he lives a 4-hour-flight away..:( .

I found my (totally perfect) nice guy! He's not a wimp, he knows what he wants, he's isn't afraid to stand up for himself either, and he actually really seems to like me too... Guess what the problem is... he lives a 4-hour-flight away..:( .

Makes sense.

hahaha i am!! :p

seriously, i am. i'm luckier than a four-leaf clover on a thursday to have her :fluffle:
hehehe, that phrase still makes me laugh :D :fluffle:

No one wants a 'nice guy'. I'm proof of that.
Yeah. Because you know everyone on the planet and what they want from a relationship. Your personal experience does not prove anything about the whole of the female population and you're in no position to say that "no one" wants something.

Meh, the girls who do go after "Bad boys" generally get what they deserve anyway. I mean, if you're attracted to people with no respect for others, an agressive streak, a big ego and those who regard themselves as a dominant male and you become a victim of domestic abuse...well, it's not your fault as such, but maybe you should have seen it coming...

No one wants a 'nice guy'. I'm proof of that.

I've been a nice, considerate guy for my entire 22, almost 23 years on this planet. I've been nice to friends, family, and girls. All 'nice guy' has gotten me is friend status... "...always a shoulder to cry on, but never a penis to hold...".

This nice guy crap is... crap.

Totally true. I can empathise with this but (see next ...)


The only problem is, I can't pull off the 'bad boy' thing. I'm not hot enough for that. No rugged good looks or six-pack abs.

That is total crap. You can be whatever you want to be. And here's some good news ... women don't care that much what you look like or how much you weigh. I know this morbidly obese guy who looks like he's been whacked in the face with the ugly stick on more than one occassion. But he's a charming motherfucker. He hits on, and charms, women easily. They send him picture messages of themsleves posing in lingerie. It's amazing.

Anywho ... some tips for nice guys who want to change.

1. Go to an assertiveness training workshop.
2. Learn about the concept of the dominant alpha male in Ape and monkey society. Learn it, and apply it.
3. Go spend some time on your appearance - stylish clothes, nice shirt, funky hairstyle if you can pull it off, if not, go bald/shaven-head
4. STOP TRYING TO BEFRIEND GIRLS WHO YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO. (A) it never works (B) it's kinda unethical. When you do this you are claiming their friendship under false pretences. That's very deceptive
5. Get in touch with your inner-kid. Remember all the fun stuff you used to do in the playground? Start doing that again. It's fun. Realise that, after a hard day at work, nobody (and especially women) wants to be subject to your views on the complexity of the federal sales tax / european VAT law / international politics as it pertains to the outer mongolian wombat. It's boring
6. Kill your outer critic. I.e. the part of you that thinks it's cool to criticise everyone and everything in an attempt to show how cool, intelligent and discerning you are.
7. Kill your inner critic.

If I tried to act like a 'bad boy' looking the way I do, it would just comes off as 'inconsiderate jerk' and shove me even further down the ladder of society.

This is loser-talk. Develop pride, respect and a sense of fun about yourself. Remember to look on the positive side whenever and wherever possible.

8. Remember you have the right to a sexual identity. Nice guys do finish last. Why? Because they try to hide their sexuality. It is healthy for you to want sex. It is good for you to pursue sexual opportunities with women who want to pursue sexual opportunities with you.
9. Ignore everyone who tries to put you down / hold you back when you try to change. It will happen. Ignore the naysayers - they can only hinder you, not help you.
10. Do try to hook up with like-minded people. They will help you and encourage you in your personal journey.

FINALLY (at last! :p ) remember that you are not trying to become a 'bad boy'. They are inconsiderate jerks who do deserve to be looked down upon for the way they treat other people. What you are trying to become is a well-adjusted, sexually healthy, man. Let me repeat that - your aim is not to become a bad boy, but to become a MAN.

Good luck

J

2. Learn about the concept of the dominant alpha male in Ape and monkey society. Learn it, and apply it.


Not everyone *wants* to be a dominant alpha male type. I certainly don't. I used to be really assertive, agressive and stuff, and I did get more attention from females. But the thing is...I don't really want to be with a girl who is all boring and submissive, and looking back at myself I was a dick. That's great for some people, but not me - why should we be forced to become something we don't want just because society tells us that mans 'natural' position is to be dominant towards females? It's also 'natural' for women to stay home and look after the children and lair whilst the man goes out and provides. We are overcoming that instinct in us, so why need it be different when it comes to relationships?

I am now quite reserved and shy, and yeah I don't get much female attention as a result. However, i'm a lot happier like this.

I find placing men into an either/or category is generalization and sexism. We are too complex for your "rules".

Hmm... Apparently I'm not, though. Many girls have called me "a nice guy"; it's almost the only compliment I ever get. :D And I've really never seen myself as fitting any of the characteristics of a "bad lad"...

I'm just myself. I don't try to be something I'm not, because the concept of a relationship founded on pretence just seems absurd to me. If I'm just as I am, and a girl likes me for it, then she knows exactly what she's getting, we know we're genuinely interested in each other and can bond on a personality level, and we both know it can work.

Anyway, that's the theory. The fact that I'm downright unsociable sort of spoils all that. :p

Used to be a nice guy, got nothing but heart-ache. Started acting like an outlaw and suddenly I'm getting offers from every direction.

The fact is that I'm still, underneath an artfully constructed exterior, a sensitive/empathetic loser. All the girls I've been with since I made the change seem to appreciate a guy who'll give fashion opinions or even write bad poetry, but they wouldn't have had a chance if I didn't act like a total rogue.

Both genders may appreciate inner depths, but they are often to superficial to find the real thing.

Used to be a nice guy, got nothing but heart-ache. Started acting like an outlaw and suddenly I'm getting offers from every direction.

The fact is that I'm still, underneath an artfully constructed exterior, a sensitive/empathetic loser. All the girls I've been with since I made the change seem to appreciate a guy who'll give fashion opinions or even write bad poetry, but they wouldn't have had a chance if I didn't act like a total rogue.

Both genders may appreciate inner depths, but they are often to superficial to find the real thing.

Too true

Amazing story...... There was the hottest girl in the world (or one of the top anyhow) that used to work with me, she was absolutely smokin' hot.... Well, one day her mother went to the bank, and a guy held the door for her, which she took exception to... The mother approached the guy in line at the bank, and told him, "you are such a nice young man, you would be perfect for my daughter, who always dates the wrong guy"...
The guy apparantly thought 'this girl has to be Medusa, or her mother wouldn't try to set her up on dates' but decided to call her anyway, being the nice guy he was. He then proceeded to go out with her, and when she stopped working with me, (this was a couple years back) this truly amazing, sweetest yet stunning girl, was actively dating the "nice guy".

The morale of the story, be nice to people, they may hook you up with their smokin' hot daughter, who you can bang, all for being friendly... lucky guy..
TRUE STORY..

Most of the self-labeled "nice guys" are as jealous, self-centered, and slimy as any bad boy. The fact is, most nice guys act that nice because they fear how people perceive them, they're afraid of rejection, and are often very clingy.

What women mean when they say nice guy, is a "good guy". He's outgoing, fun, generous, whathaveyou. But he's independent, confident in himself, and optimistic. He doesn't take shiat from anyone or anything. He's nice but retains the masculinity that makes the bad boy so appealing. He's not afraid of himself.

Take me for example, I'm a former "nice guy". I couldn't stick up for myself, and I felt that being clingy and catering was the only way to a girl. It ain't. Instead, I saw myself for what I had, embraced the fact that I am who I am. I'm successful in what I do, and I treat people with respect. And I don't back down from confrontation anymore. Given these qualities, you'll find yourself more successful in not just the dating world, but life in general.

Be strong, and be yourself. Those two things should be complimentary. You should find strength in yourself. People who are worthwhile will notice it.

That's how I am, save for the "former nice guy" part. I've always been independent, and I've had to stick up for myself more than a few times.

A lot of people who call themselves "nice guys" are just using that personality as a front; a means to get something they don't deserve. They're disgusting fucks who need a slapping.

I've dealt with "bad boys" and "nice guys". Generalizations apart, the true "bad boy" isn't very bright, his total concern is about himself and he never grows up (hence the "boy" part of the title). Fortunately, most so-called "bad boys" will outgrow it with a little encouragement.

OK. Here's a kink in everyone's accepted scenario.
I'm a "nice guy" (I'm iffy about even using such a term) that women immediately assume is a "bad boy." (I've heard this repeatedly, ad nauseum for my entire twenty-some-odd-year dating career.)
All the preening and theatrics to get my attention have always privately been a source of great humor.
When dating proceeds and these young women eventually notice that I'm not eyeing or flirting with other women and that I am spending my available time being attentive to them... well... gee... I dunno. Something happens.
It's as if some element of danger, which they were expecting and apparently crave, isn't there. So they decide (subconsciously or not) to introduce a creeping, growing little ember of confusion.:rolleyes:

Never met a woman or a girl that actually would give a "nice guy" the time of day. At least not as "more than friends." Just my experience though.
On a side note, I've been married almost 7 years now, but I didn't win her over by being a "nice guy" or a "bad boy" more like somewhere in between. I still am careful to treat her like crap sometimes, but only just enough. If I didn't she'd get bored with me and leave me. I always appologise though :)
I probably could never find another woman though, I tend to be a little too nice :) and not bad enough, to attract attention. Unless she's drunk. and I am.
Whatever
YMMV

Never met a woman or a girl that actually would give a "nice guy" the time of day. At least not as "more than friends." Just my experience though.
On a side note, I've been married almost 7 years now, but I didn't win her over by being a "nice guy" or a "bad boy" more like somewhere in between. I still am careful to treat her like crap sometimes, but only just enough. If I didn't she'd get bored with me and leave me. I always appologise though :)
I probably could never find another woman though, I tend to be a little too nice :) and not bad enough, to attract attention. Unless she's drunk. and I am.
Whatever
YMMV


There's a healthy relationship. :rolleyes:

I still am careful to treat her like crap sometimes, but only just enough. If I didn't she'd get bored with me and leave me. I always appologise though :)


LOL!

Hilarious!

That's how I am, save for the "former nice guy" part. I've always been independent, and I've had to stick up for myself more than a few times.

A lot of people who call themselves "nice guys" are just using that personality as a front; a means to get something they don't deserve. They're disgusting fucks who need a slapping.


It's very sad that you can't believe that not all of humanity is as distasteful as you have shown yourself to be. Some people are actually capable of sincerity.

And, BTW, we're not talking about sticking up for yourself. We're talking about assholes that treat women like crap because they get off on being dicks.

In response to the "Nice Guys Finish Last" thread I just want to open a post for women who don't like bad boys or are looking for a nice guy. Frankly, I hate bad boys. Let's face it Bad Boys are usually too good looking for their own good, which is why they can be bad. New girl every week, guys envy them...sure this might be okay for some girls but not me.

I always found bad boys to be vain, shallow and inconsiderate.Trying to reform a bad boy is as effective as banging your head against a brick wall to try and knock it down.:headbang: I do admitt I had my run with a few bad boys, but found only heart ache at the end of it...and a lot of unwanted attention. As a girl, if you date a bad boy, when the relationship ends you become the object of desire for many guys because

A) if the bad boy dated you it's acceptable for an envious guy to try and use you to advance his social standing in a highschool/university setting.
B)If you dated the bad boy, you must be easy because let's face it, bad boys have a rep for getting it from every girl they date.

As if guys weren't bad enough, you also have girls trying to be your fake friend so you can introduce them to the bad boy or they're shunning you completely because your a slut. Why else would he have gone out with you instead of them.

I want a nice guy, who remembers dates and hugs me when my cat dies. I want a guy who isn't going to get the hebbie gebbies if I gain 5 pounds, or have an "ugly day", and guys....EVERY girl has and "ugly day." Oh and in response to your "good sex" comment, nice guys can be the greatest lovers on the planet, cause they care about the girl their with, rather than just doing it for their own gratification.

My favorite guys to hang out with in high school were the bandicaps and the drama geeks. They were the most fun to hang out with. I was friends with everyone at my school, but those groups were my sanctuary. The didn't judge me all the time, the just were happy that I could act, sing and play the trumpet. I agree that the jocks dismissed me as dating potential, because I wouldn't put out so to speak for them...a few tried, but I soon became the ice princess in that particular clique.

So in conclusion, I would like to say that while jocks and bad boys are good looking, have that mysterious aura about them and have six pack abs, they just aren't worth the heart ache.The can make good friends sometimes, but get your self a drama man, or a poet, or even the average joe that you might have just looked over. They don't have to be the image of Apollo, just healthy and fun to be with. These are the guys worth the time and effort that must be put into a successful relationship. Besides what girl wants to snuggle up to a rock when she can snuggle a teddy bear instead.:fluffle:

I want a nice guy!!! Who is with me????

Please consult this...



Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Impressive.

I go out with an amazingly nice girl.. It's good. But sometimes she gets too nice and annoying. Still, it's been 9 months and I don't have too much to complain about.

That's how I am, save for the "former nice guy" part. I've always been independent, and I've had to stick up for myself more than a few times.

A lot of people who call themselves "nice guys" are just using that personality as a front; a means to get something they don't deserve. They're disgusting fucks who need a slapping.

I appreciate you using a lot, instead of most or all there. And to whatever poster it was(I remember reading it as I was going through this threa) that said that trying to befriend someone you're attracted to is wrong because it's done under "false pretenses", fuck you. Some people actually do value friendship more than sex.

Some people actually do value friendship more than sex.
I don't.

I don't.
I do

I do
Oh, you're just saying that.

Oh, you're just saying that.
Good call. I've lost most of my friends because I spend too much time with girlfriend... /Meh.

Good call. I've lost most of my friends because I spend too much time with girlfriend... /Meh.
I lost most of mine by spending too much time with my Playstaion. heh.

I lost most of mine by spending too much time with my Playstaion. heh.
Haha. When I'm not with gf, I'm playing NFSU 2 or on here.

Haha. When I'm not with gf, I'm playing NFSU 2 or on here.
I have never really played Need For Speed. not enough killing or war mongering.

I have never really played Need For Speed. not enough killing or war mongering.
I've never gotten into killing or dying games.

I lost most of mine by spending too much time with my Playstaion. heh.

You spend to much time playing with your "Playstation" .... is that a euphemism?

Not everyone *wants* to be a dominant alpha male type.
True. Each to their own. It's just that women will like men who are more dominant than those who aren't. It's up to you to make the choice as to how dominant you want to be. Everyone needs to work out what is the way to be in a way that is safe, appropriate and ecological for them.


I certainly don't. I used to be really assertive, agressive and stuff,
This is not being alpha. this is being really assertive aggressive and stuff. Being alpha is about NOT SUPPLICATING. I.e. I don't try to 'buy' my way into a women's bed by buying flowers, chocs, taking her on dates and by automatically putting her needs above all of mine all of the time.

and I did get more attention from females.
Probably because, in between being assertive aggressive and stuff, you were avoiding being supplicating, which is really a major, major turn off.


But the thing is...I don't really want to be with a girl who is all boring and submissive, and looking back at myself I was a dick. That's great for some people, but not me - why should we be forced to become something we don't want

If you think you are a better person for having got rid of your demons then well done :)

Fair enough. It is your choice as you say. And nobody is forcing anyone to do anything.


just because society tells us that mans 'natural' position is to be dominant towards females?

I would argue that society tells men that their 'natural' position is to be supplicant. Buy flowers, take her on dates etc. I saw this awful film with Aston Kuchner (I speel that rite?) where another character turns to Aston's and says something like: "if you want one of these women, then they're right. Their always right and your place is in the wrong."
I would say that's a fairly strong message to men to be supplicant rather than dominant. I'm sure you can probably think of other films with this kind of message in it.

I also add that it is *braces down prepares for vast amounts of flames and verbal abuse* man's natural position (whether biological or psychological) to be dominant and for women to be submissive.


It's also 'natural' for women to stay home and look after the children and lair whilst the man goes out and provides.
Yeah, it probably is nautral.


We are overcoming that instinct in us, so why need it be different when it comes to relationships?
Do we need to 'overcome' that instinct? Maybe following that instinct will make us happier. Maybe it doesn't need to be different - maybe it's all a logically consistent model: male dominant, female submissive.

Incidentally, before anyone jumps on my back, I'm not saying women can't or shouldn't leave the home/seek a career/be assertive.

What I am saying is this: in terms of a relationship, women like a strong, assertive, decisive man. That is all. Please do not read anything else into what I've written.


I am now quite reserved and shy, and yeah I don't get much female attention as a result. However, i'm a lot happier like this.
If you are now happier as a result of the personal development work that you have done on yourself and you are happier that you get less female attention then that is good for you. And I am happy that you are happier.

But it doesn't undermine the point of my thesis, which is as follows ...

Society encourages men to act in a supplicating way around women. this is the 'nice guy' syndrome.

Women want men to be decisive, assertive and confident. Women do not want men to be supplicant.

Women do not therefore like nice guys.

Women therefore look for the available options - most of which are jerks.

Men and women are both fundamentally unhappy with this state of affairs.

The problem can be resolved if men stop supplicating to women.

That's it!
*bunkers down and waits for the firestorm!!!*