NationStates Jolt Archive

...and you wake up to find yourself in the body of the new German Chancellor, Adolf Hitler. You have all of the knowledge, memories and skills that Adolf had, along with retaining your own. History has remained unchanged up to this point, but everything you do will affect the future. If you die a natural death (i.e. old age) you wake up in you own body and see how much the present has changed. If you die any other way, you stay dead. So, what do you do, mein Führer?

Call back all my goons from the street. Begin a program to rebuild the economy, then hold new elections when they are due.

I'll see what happens from there.

I'm off to invade the world. A few major differences though. I shave the stupid mustache. I don't invade Russia. (Yet, anyways) I don't kill jews. I like jews. Especially Natalie Portman. Except she won't be born yet. Dammit.

I conquer the world. I keep all the jews around. As in not gas them.

I get the Atom Bomb.

I pair Atomic Technoligy with V2 Rockets, and I nike russia and britian back to the stone age.

And then I retire. I drink French Wine and eat German Weiners, and I live well.

I shoot myself on sight.

Period.

And then I retire. I drink French Wine and eat German Weiners, and I live well.

Don't forget to import tiny Japanese girls. And put them in Catholic school girl uniforms.

Don't forget to import tiny Japanese girls. And put them in Catholic school girl uniforms.

Mmmmmm...

I'm Jewish so there sure as hell won't be a Holocaust.

Don't invade any countries for several years. Wait until 1943.

Gain jet technology.

The world becomes 15+ years behind the Luftwaffe.

Proceed with super-Blitzkrieg aided by jets.

Germany ftw.


If Hitler had had a tad more patience, things would have turned out quite differently.

I shoot myself on sight.

Period.

Don't see any votes for the "Luger to head" option, you plan on using something larger to make sure there's nothing left? :D

I'm Jewish so there sure as hell won't be a Holocaust.
That would be a chock... The (probably) most famous antisemite of all time wakes up and is...jewish. Would probably have been a good lesson for him.

I'd wake up and realize I'm an idiot. I'm telling people that blond, tall, strong people are the superior race, and that the germans are as well, but I'm dark haired, of average height and not exactly strong...

Then I'd head for the gym and a barbershop to make myself look like my ideals. Then the Luger.

Since no one's done it yet, and the probability that this thread will involve a comparison Nazis or Hitler actually is one, requiring that someone does it, I INVOKE GODWIN'S LAW!!!!

:D

Well that kind of puts me in a tough situation. I would probably rebuild Germany into an economic stronghold and most likely not ignite such a huge conflict as Hitler did. But then the others in the party would assassinate me, take over and turn it back into a shithole.

I INVOKE GODWIN'S LAW!!!!

Godwin's law explicitly states that it does not apply to discussions about Hitler/Nazi Germany. It is only intended for use when the topic is something else, and someone attempts to use Nazi Germany as evidence for an argument.

Then I'd head for the gym and a barbershop to make myself look like my ideals. Then the Luger.
LOL. Reminds me of the Family Guy where they explain Hitler's reasons for being anti-semetic. He can't lift anything at the gym and all the girls go to this muscular Jew.

I would do almost everything the same, except not invade poland. At that point in time, I would begin aiding the Finn's against the russians(it was still a problem by '39, right?), and I would bid my time. I would build up my navy, and help japan(technology wise, etc). Japan would eventually get itself into shit, I wouldn't bail it out, but instead would try to goad the japanese into attacking the soviets, and then attack the soviets(and poles, if I didn't get permission to go through). This attack would be meant to cut through the russian lines. The cities would be important, but after I hit the main concentrations of troops, I would make the luftwaffe(and specific panzergrenadier groups) attack supply lines behind the lines. I would take everything up to stalingrad/leningrad/moscow, and then create defensive positions. I would offer peace terms there, and use propoganda to the russians, saying that their leaders didn't care enough about them to surrendur what they have lost, and cannot gain back.

Ohh, I wouldn't kill jews. I would put them in camps, and kill those who didn't work hard. Its not that I don't like jews. I would do it to the gays, the criminals, the gypsies, etc, as well. I just need a scapegoat. I would, however, not gas them, etc. No needless killing. The camps would suffice.

I would also send hardline communists to these camps. They would die more often. Again, scapegoats.

I would try to appease Britain and France. Tell them its a war against communism, and that I didn't believe in a super powerful aryan race. etc. I would give them concessions, etc, but my main purpose would be to take european USSR(meaning ukraine, etc). Italy would have its blessing to fuck around in southern europe, but I wouldn't help them.

If I could keep the west out of it, and played it well, I could probably fuck up the soviet union. Ohh, not to mention, I am a pretty smart fucking person. You think I don't know the general ideas about jets, atomic bombs, assault rifles, missiles, etc? Germany would become even more of a technological boomer. 1943, jet bombers fire guided missiles and obliterate soviet supply lines in days. Pwnt.

Yeah, Russia would've been knocked out of the war by a Japanese-German move. Makes ya wonder why they didn't.

Don't invade any countries for several years. Wait until 1943.

Gain jet technology.

The world becomes 15+ years behind the Luftwaffe.

Proceed with super-Blitzkrieg aided by jets.

Germany ftw.


If Hitler had had a tad more patience, things would have turned out quite differently.you cant wait that long, all the investments, the wellfare programms, the buildup of highways, other infrastructure and defenseindustry contribute to a huge deficit, that will lead to the collapse of your currency before long.

i would open a company and invent the transistor. then i would flood the market with transistor radios, VCRs and computerchips.

Well, I tend to follow the idea that time itself has a way of directing itself.
For instance, if you travel back in time to shoot your own grandfather, in order to see if you would be born at all....the gun would misfire, or the bullets would be duds.
Something would enevitably cause you to fail.

So, if you ended up in Hitlers body, the war would still be fought, BUT you MAY be able to influence events to prevent the holocaust.
However, you may refuse to sign the orders, only to discover that a subordinate already set the Final Solution into motion.

However, time may not be circular, it may be linear, so you may very well be able to forever change the past.
In wich case, I would of course, prevent the holocuast, and most certainly, not invade Russia.

Timelines are a funny thing.
Even if you did exactly what I described above, you may only be influencing one particular alternate universe, and the one you left, remains unchanged.
In the one you arrive in, you could perform so many good deeds, instead of Hitler being remembered as a monster, you could make him likened unto Mother Theresa.
In the timline you left, hes still remembered as an asshole.

So, with so many unknown variables..I would be the best darn Hitler I could be.

Dammit! I just figured out the best plan: Get McGuyver (sp?) to make ICBMs from some sticks, chewing gum and tissues! Russia, UK, whatever wouldn't stand a chance!

Dammit! I just figured out the best plan: Get McGuyver (sp?) to make ICBMs from some sticks, chewing gum and tissues! Russia, UK, whatever wouldn't stand a chance!

You'd need photographers in-place, that'd be the kodak-moment of kodak moments.

If Germany hadn't gotten into the war, it could have been neat. The economic problems weren't really terminal, science and technology did great (Einstein etc might not even have left without Nazism) and the rest of Europe was pretty weak.

Stalin would never have been able to be that much of a threat and would just have died another tinpot dictator - that in turn would mean no Mao, no Korean War, no Cold War.

And all the while, Germany is the leader in technology, first to the Bomb, first to peaceful nuclear energy, first to space and so on and so forth.

A much better world if you asked me. But I'm biased. :D

I'd probably just resign and recall all my goons.

I'd loot the German treasury and retire to my personal Caribbean island.

Godwin's law explicitly states that it does not apply to discussions about Hitler/Nazi Germany. It is only intended for use when the topic is something else, and someone attempts to use Nazi Germany as evidence for an argument.

Yeah, yeah, I know. But someone had to do it anyway. ;)

Ally with Britian/America and get those damn commies.

being the Englishman that I am I would:

1) look for that missing ball

2) surrender Germany to the British empire

3) run for PM (winning of course because I'm Hitler)

4) marry the Queen Elizabeth when she’s 16 (Mr Hitler is a dirty dirty man:D )

5) the resulting chaos will leave me as King

6) build a powerful military

7) as soon as Stalin invades (which he will) I quickly crush his forces and conquer the U.S.S.R

8) various acts of imperialism

9) finish conquering the world

10) invent the internet and make a thread about what they would do if they were me in 1933

I will invade the world and, since I have such great WW2 knowledge, I will fix all the errors Adolf Hitler made.

Torch a certain art school, learn to play blues guitar, become known as Blind Willie Hitler. Also, invade Poland, because it's not like anyone cared.

If Germany hadn't gotten into the war, it could have been neat. The economic problems weren't really terminal....

4 billion marks to one dollar? I don't know about that.

Probably because the IJA was scared shitless of the Commies when Zhukov messed them up in the Changkufeng Incident :D

What would I do? Hitler with my brain? Mwahahahahaha!!!!!

Well, that whole leading Germany and slaughteing jews part would probably be a moot point the first time Life Magazine publishes exclusive photos of me running naked through the streets of Berlin doing cartwheels and tossing odd german pastries to everyone I see.

...that, and I'd eat lots of watermelon. :)

*pops fingers* Okay, firstly, screw the whole Final Solution. There's better ways to spend my monies and my resources.

Firstly, warn Hirohito not to attack the United States. I don't want to involve the Yanks, and with their government pushing neutrality I need to keep 'em happy.

Next, I would invade as usual, though I'd put a little more focus in the Luffewaffe and missile industries/development. I'd crush my way out east, making sure to lock my borders down at the Mediterranean. I'd take control of Italy for this and get rid of that dumbass Mussolini for being incapable and put someone else in power. Build up the army there, lock down the UK, but make sure to keep the US off my back.

At that point I'd work with Japan, telling them to build up forces, and strike into Russia, pointing out that a take over would give them a chance to strike China. Since I took down the UK first, I don't have to worry about Rommel being stopped out in North Africa and my Afrika Corp will wipe the table with the nations there. Establishing that power base I could build arms and make sure Albert Einstein stayed in Germany, therby allowing me to decimate the US into submission.

Pwn3d. And no stupid Holocaust, that way if I still lost at any one point I wouldn't be met with such disgust and the National Socialist party could try to reclaim itself later.

But it wouldn't, 'cause I'd make all the right decisions with such omnipotent power :P

first thing I would restore the Kaiser and make it a constitutional monarchy
then get rid of the SA and S.S> keeping the old reilby Officer Corp to lead the Army , also deicde not to make many surface naval vessels only make more an better submarines , invest in new technology not invade the rhine land either get the rihnelanders to vote to be reincorpated with Germany ANand make sure it was deemed offical and above board just to annoy the hell out of the French so they cant complain , do a deal with the Czechs to give the germans in Czechoslavkia an automnus region wth large deal of independce , then just offer Austria a Customs Union then act the electoins getr my self reelcted as Prime Minster of the Kingdom of Germany then Iwould get a loose federation of the Germanic Speaking Peoples of Europe and hope it would sprial inot being an an early EU , when THe Soviets slip inot the Baltic Staes i would sabre rattle at them ttil there is a suitable time in year and with enough winter supplies and gear before drving through poland and suprising them before they knew (under a secret deal singed with poland so with draw my claims to polish terriorty for Miltary access) and not stop at Moscow ordering them to drive into moscow the finish off the rest of USSR with the help of newly liberated states after that hopeful success i would just sit back and retire to small country estate to grow flowers read old medievel books and take walks in contryside

First of all, I'll call off the holocaust(Duh)
Next depends on how bad I find the economic problems. If they're bad, I go attack the UK, the U.S, Russia, and the rest of Europe at the same time. I lose, the U.S gets into Germany, the economy's their problem. If on the other hand, they're managable, I make myself the best leader ever.

4 billion marks to one dollar? I don't know about that.
Actually, I think the inflation was already pretty much gone by the time Hitler got elected.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperinflation#The_Weimar_Inflation_in_Germany

I would give up power. The Nazi Party was too reprehensible to be changed by one man at the top, and if I tried to maintain moral principle I would be killed.

Yeah, Russia would've been knocked out of the war by a Japanese-German move. Makes ya wonder why they didn't.

Not really, not without other signifigant changes. The Siberian guard was in the east till late stalingrad(late 42 or so). The Siberian guard would have wiped the floor with the japanese, and made the japanese lose too much to keep up other fronts.

After the siberian guard left, america was breathing down japan's neck. It would have really gotten its ass kicked, if it sent forces to russia, just to get pwned by freaking peasants with the occasional T-34.

1. No holocaust.
2. Develop long range bombers and fighters.
3. Put more money into rocket research and jets.
4. Leave tactical decisions to my generals.
5. Don't stop bombarding the RAF bases to go after the cities.
6. Take care of Britain first and then attack the USSR.
7. Do whatever it takes to keep Japan from attacking the US (we'll nuke them when it's right :) ).

Hmmm....

Annex Austria, Czechoslovakia, etc.; treat the Jews better/no Holocaust (but stamp out the Jewish mafia and organized crime in general); try to avoid war with France and the UK; build up the military and invade eastern europe and the USSR, but treat the anticommunist Polish and Russians way better than Hitler did in real life; avoid war with the USA, and either try to ally with them or defeat them after the war through economics...

Seig Heil!!! Seig Heil!!!

What would I do? Hitler with my brain? Mwahahahahaha!!!!!

Well, that whole leading Germany and slaughteing jews part would probably be a moot point the first time Life Magazine publishes exclusive photos of me running naked through the streets of Berlin doing cartwheels and tossing odd german pastries to everyone I see.

...that, and I'd eat lots of watermelon. :)

...well, that's one way to step down from power :D

And I'm disappointed in you guys, how can the "peaceful change" people be winning?! We need more bloodthirsty NSers :D

I'm going to try and not God mode this but with Hitler it's hard not to because he was such a bad militrary strategist (starting a 2 front war when he didn't need to and all that). So really this is more of a "What if Hitler were sane?" type response. IOTW, my megalomania is in check.

Please don't interpret this to mean that I am anti-semitic or a NAZI sympathizer. I'm just thinking about the constraints that Hitler had to deal with and trying to make it as plausible as possible. Seriously, it would hurt my feelings if anyone takes this to mean I want another holocaust or that I hate any one group enough to want it to happen, ever.

Since I'm a socialist I wouldn't change anything about rebuilding the economy by putting people back to work in the defense industry. But I would be aware that socialism is short term solution.

I would have to answer the Jewish question since that's a major platform of the NAZI's. I have to do something or I might wind up dead after all the rhetoric I've spewed on the matter. Killing undesirables wouldn't be an option because of all of the manpower and resources that would be used in order to do accomplish it. I would have expelled them and revoked their citizenship. Kristallnacht and all of that would have happened to encourage them to get the hell out or go to a slave labor camp. Basically just debasing them and making them miserable and killing them slowly but not on such an industrial scale.

I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to start a war. When I did though 1942), I would let some of the best military minds in history handle it and not relied upon wishful thinking and my own counsel so much. When I did start a war, it would have been against Russia first.

Once I had Russia (I listened to my military advisors and didn't split my forces to attack Moscow and Stalingrad, first Moscow and then Stalingrad, then Leningrad). I would then turn my attention to the Middle East and start the war in Europe. By now it is 1944. Europe has had its oil supply cut. From there on out to 1945-47, I'm just strangulating Britain and attritting their manpower and military equipment, softening them up for the invasion that would end the war.

Of course I'm leaving out a lot of 'what ifs' like-
What the USA postion would be (Isolationist more than likely. WW2 ended the Depression. Stalin was not well like before then either so the US might have liked to have seen Hitler take him down.)
Does Japan (my Axis partner) pull something stupid like Pearl Harbor or do they consolidate their gains in China/Asia-Pacific

EDIT: I've hoisted a few since the last post and so now I'm thinking I would bang more German chicks. Especially Leni Riefenstahl. Maybe film it for posterity. Eva Braun was a hottie too.

Following Guidelines - Completely changaing thenature of Hitler won't do. Goering or Goebbels would off him. Therefore:

#1: Promise Palestine (all of it) to the Jews. Let Rommel go get it for them with Reichs Judenswere. Jews then leave Germany to occupy Neu Israel. End of Germany's "Jewish problem".
#2: Speed up Heavy Water Experiments
#3: Speed up Jet Plane development
#4: Bring Rommel back ASAP - and listen to him.
#5: Take Anti Syphilys medication
#6: Take over World
#7: Die in Sleep

That work for you?

*feels odd*
*looks down at nose and sees moustache*
*goes to mirror...sees tupee on head*
WTF?!?!

*feels odd*
*looks down at nose and sees moustache*
*goes to mirror...sees tupee on head*
WTF?!?!

"Ohhhhhhh Boy..."

I steal Mel Brooks' idea for the movie "the Producers" and change Springtime for Hitler to Springtime for Me. Also I don't kill a whole bunch of people or invade willy nilly accross Europe.