NationStates Jolt Archive

Due to the lack of intellegent debate on my last thread i will now show you all a story which is in words even the most idiotic of you could understand.

The Tale Of The Magic Rock Apes
Dr. Kent Hovind
Okay, now sit down now, boys and girls - it's story time! Shhhh.... Once upon a time, billions of years ago, there was nothing. Suddenly, magically, the nothing exploded into something. That something is called hydrogen. Can you say "hydrogen?" I knew you could. This hydrogen eventually cooled down enough to condense into solid rock. It was magic rock. Inert and lifeless, but still magical. And then, magically, water formed in the sky above the rock. The waters rained on the rock for, oh, let's say billions of years. Some of the rock broke down into minerals, and these minerals washed into a pool of water.

Then one day some of these minerals magically formed into a kind of goo in the pool of water. Can you say "goo?" I knew you could. Well do you know what happened then? That's right! The goo magically became ALIVE. So anyway, this bit of magic goo magically found something to eat. Then, magically, it found another bit of magic goo to marry, and they had a whole bunch of magical little goos. Eventually - millions of years later - some of this goo grew up into all the plants and animals in the world around us. If it's alive, it came from that first bit of magic goo! Well, more time went on. Finally some of this goo magically evolved - can you say "evolved?" I knew you could - some of this goo magically evolved upwards and upwards, growing ever more advanced, bigger, stronger, smarter, until it became a kind of magical hairless ape with thumbs.

And do you know who those apes are? That's right! They're YOU and ME! We are the magic rock apes! And you know what else? Someday we'll evolve enough that we'll become the God we all know doesn't exist. Now take a nap.

Okay, I'm going to start a band called the Magic Rock Apes.

So.. in other words...

"Look at me! I'm an atheist and I can mock religion too! I'm cool!"

Due to the lack of intellegent debate on my last thread i will now show you all a story which is in words even the most idiotic of you could understand.


Mate, I'm at your thread now, sticking up for you; but if you're just going to troll, forget about it :(

heygo ahead and stick up for what i said most of those ppl respond like they didnt even read it and then flame me for asking questions they have no answer to.

Technically, hydrogen didn't just cool into rocks. Stars fused hydrogen atoms together, creating the elements we all know and love today. Some of those elements solidified, outside the star, into 'rock'. And water didn't 'melt' the 'rock' into 'goo', the elements that didn't solidify into the 'rock' were retained in gaseous and liquid form, held by the gravity of the planet (rock, as you call it). Some of the planet also dissolved slowly in the liquid portion, and in that primordial 'soup' life formed.

And really, you DO realize that by making multiple topics like this, topics that supposedly ridicule non-believers but that actually make you look silly, you're not only inviting others, including the more intelligent believers, to flame you, but you're also ridiculing your own religion.

heygo ahead and stick up for what i said most of those ppl respond like they didnt even read it and then flame me for asking questions they have no answer to.

I'm not sticking up for what you said, I'm sticking up for your good intentions; you're making me look _awful_!:p

Okay, I'm going to start a band called the Magic Rock Apes. Best damn idea I've seen around here for a while.

And I gave a half-intelligent answer on the other one. :(

Best damn idea I've seen around here for a while.

And I gave a half-intelligent answer on the other one. :(

As soon as you start giving them real answers, you've started validating their "points". Your average troll thinks we're here for its amusement, but it can be the opposite if you like.

Then one day some of these minerals magically formed into a kind of goo in the pool of water. Can you say "goo?" I knew you could. Well do you know what happened then? That's right! The goo magically became ALIVE. So anyway, this bit of magic goo magically found something to eat. Then, magically, it found another bit of magic goo to marry, and they had a whole bunch of magical little goos.

None of the 'magical goo' I ever produce does this :(
Perhaps I'm not aiming it correctly

Due to the lack of intellegent debate on my last thread i will now show you all a story which is in words even the most idiotic of you could understand.

The Tale Of The Magic Rock Apes
Dr. Kent Hovind
Okay, now sit down now, boys and girls - it's story time! Shhhh.... Once upon a time, billions of years ago, there was nothing. Suddenly, magically, the nothing exploded into something. That something is called hydrogen. Can you say "hydrogen?" I knew you could. This hydrogen eventually cooled down enough to condense into solid rock. It was magic rock. Inert and lifeless, but still magical. And then, magically, water formed in the sky above the rock. The waters rained on the rock for, oh, let's say billions of years. Some of the rock broke down into minerals, and these minerals washed into a pool of water.

Then one day some of these minerals magically formed into a kind of goo in the pool of water. Can you say "goo?" I knew you could. Well do you know what happened then? That's right! The goo magically became ALIVE. So anyway, this bit of magic goo magically found something to eat. Then, magically, it found another bit of magic goo to marry, and they had a whole bunch of magical little goos. Eventually - millions of years later - some of this goo grew up into all the plants and animals in the world around us. If it's alive, it came from that first bit of magic goo! Well, more time went on. Finally some of this goo magically evolved - can you say "evolved?" I knew you could - some of this goo magically evolved upwards and upwards, growing ever more advanced, bigger, stronger, smarter, until it became a kind of magical hairless ape with thumbs.

And do you know who those apes are? That's right! They're YOU and ME! We are the magic rock apes! And you know what else? Someday we'll evolve enough that we'll become the God we all know doesn't exist. Now take a nap.
Hovind is almost as big a troll as you are. The way he (and you by posting this strawman argument) characterizes the theories of big bang, abiogenesis, and evolution are as far from the actual theories as this.

In the beginning there was this wizard. He took exactly six days to make everything that exists, including animals and people. Then he took a day off.

Because he loves us and wants to trick us into not believing in him (which results in an eternity of torture and suffering) he made the universe look much older. Because he loves us he allows us to be tormented by disease, natural disaster, and his random practical jokes. Once he decided he loved people so much that he killed every one of them except for this guy Noah and his family. Then he let them engage in crazy incest, brothers w. sisters, cousins screwing cousins, etc. In order to rebuild the human population.

We call his behavior good.

Dr Kent Hovind.....or should I say "Dr" Kent Hovind. Heres an article which contains far more enlightening informative material than the original post, which many of the college ed-U-kayted amongst you might appreciate.

http://home.austarnet.com.au/stear/bartelt_dissertation_on_hovind_thesis.htm