NationStates Jolt Archive

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?

I give you this grenade, minus pin. *runs away quickly*

Erm... here's a shoelace.

*shuffles off*

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?


I am fully more god like that you.


As for your question, I leave that green stapler, empty coke bottle paper clip and dead fly in the middle of the room over there. Actually, you can have that 2 day old pizza in the box over there. It's a 'trouble' from hell.

wow I bet your so powerful you will move to Spam any minuet!

I give you this grenade, minus pin. *runs away quickly*

*teleports it into Michael Jackson's toilet while he is sitting on it*

Your offer is GREATLY appreciated. I bless you with riches in the future.

Erm... here's a shoelace.

*shuffles off*

...

I curse you with...

Oh, to hell with it. That's not even worth dignifying with a curse.

I am fully more god like that you.


As for your question, I leave that green stapler, empty coke bottle paper clip and dead fly in the middle of the room over there. Actually, you can have that 2 day old pizza in the box over there. It's a 'trouble' from hell.

I reward you with a future stomach ulcer.

wow I bet your so powerful you will move to Spam any minuet!

Uh-huh. *Revives monkeypimps fly, and makes it 100 times bigger. Sends it off after you on a mission to kill, or at least probe in sensitive areas with its proboscis.*

I reward you with a future stomach ulcer.


Shit. I was just about to have another beer.



hmm, meh.

*teleports it into Michael Jackson's toilet while he is sitting on it*
Now this is the kind of god I could like.

Your offer is GREATLY appreciated. I bless you with riches in the future.

Woohoo! First person to be blessed by Kanabia!

Well, not very convincing so far, buddy. *turns away haughtily*

Well, not very convincing so far, buddy. *turns away haughtily*

Erm, well...You could use the shoelace to give yourself a ponytail.

Woohoo! First person to be blessed by Kanabia!

More blessings will come as long as you remain a devoted servant.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?
I am of Sicilian descent.

*Makes Kanabia an offering he can't refuse*

*Makes Kanabia an offering he can't refuse*


Does it involve touching? Of special places? with mouths?

...

I curse you with...

Oh, to hell with it. That's not even worth dignifying with a curse.

What? Not even worth a curse? That's it!

*throws tomatoes at altar*

Erm, well...You could use the shoelace to give yourself a ponytail.

With a moldy old shoelace? Please.

And get that severed horse's head out of the bedroom now!

I am of Sicilian descent.

*Makes Kanabia an offering he can't refuse*

Bah, that's silly. Only i'm capable of doing something like that.

You could make an offer that would have negative consequences if I were to refuse, but not one that I am physically incapable of refusing. Unless I was in a Terri Schiavo like state of vegetativeness. And I don't believe I am.

And get that severed horse's head out of the bedroom now!

But it's so comfortable and eerily warm :(

But it's so comfortable and eerily warm :(
Well, so am I. ;)



um, cut the "eerily" part...

Does it involve touching? Of special places? with mouths?
Not unless God is willing to have a sex change.

Well, so am I. ;)



um, cut the "eerily" part...

Really? *goes to sleep on...

...nah, I should probably let that one die. :p

Bah, that's silly. Only i'm capable of doing something like that.

You could make an offer that would have negative consequences if I were to refuse, but not one that I am physically incapable of refusing. Unless I was in a Terri Schiavo like state of vegetativeness. And I don't believe I am.
Nope, you're wrong. Making offers that others can't refuse is a Sicilian superpower that trumps any force in the universe. We can also make people sleep with the fishes and transport horse heads into people's beds while they sleep.

Nope, you're wrong. Making offers that others can't refuse is a Sicilian superpower that trumps any force in the universe. We can also make people sleep with the fishes and transport horse heads into people's beds while they sleep.

I'm NEVER WRONG! Well, maybe occasionally, but that's just to mislead people into thinking i'm not actually God, and then their lack of faith becomes apparent, and then BAM I give them cancer.

I'm NEVER WRONG! Well, maybe occasionally, but that's just to mislead people into thinking i'm not actually God, and then their lack of faith becomes apparent, and then BAM I give them cancer.


What is your favourite cancer to dish out? Head cancer?

This is not spam. Kanabia is just satiring the logic that religeon uses. e.g. "I say that god exists and only faith and belif can prove this! Anything indicating otherwise is blasphemous!"

This is not spam. Kanabia is just satiring the logic that religeon uses. e.g. "I say that god exists and only faith and belif can prove this! Anything indicating otherwise is blasphemous!"


well... no. Kanabia is having shits and giggles. Nice of you to give him the benefit of the doubt though.

*stops throwing tomatoes*

Bah! This is why I don't believe in anything!

*goes off to smoke a cigarette*

What is your favourite cancer to dish out? Head cancer?

Penile cancer by far. It's the most psychologically damaging. Imagine being told that of all things, your penis has cancer, and the only surefire method to combat it is amputation?

With females, it doesn't really matter. I guess head cancer works.

This is not spam. Kanabia is just satiring the logic that religeon uses. e.g. "I say that god exists and only faith and belif can prove this! Anything indicating otherwise is blasphemous!"

well... no. Kanabia is having shits and giggles. Nice of you to give him the benefit of the doubt though.

You're both right. Here, you each get a sticker. *gives shiny stickers*

I offer a half-eaten cheese, marmite and bacon sandwich.

If you want me to eat it for you, give me no sign.

*stops throwing tomatoes*

Bah! This is why I don't believe in anything!

*goes off to smoke a cigarette*

Heehee. *has magically hidden your pack of cigarettes*

I offer a half-eaten cheese, marmite and bacon sandwich.

If you want me to eat it for you, give me no sign.

*teleports it up with him*

*takes a bite from the not-eaten side*

Ehh.

*takes out the bacon, eats it, and teleports it back*

*teleports it up with him*

*takes a bite from the not-eaten side*

Ehh.

*takes out the bacon, eats it, and teleports it back*

I declare myself some sort of priest or prophet or something!! Yay me!

You're both right. Here, you each get a sticker. *gives shiny stickers*



Ohhhhh shiny and sticky....

I declare myself some sort of priest or prophet or something!! Yay me!

Not quite, but you at least have some piety.

Not quite, but you at least have some piety.

I don't want you ty. Your pie, now that I like.

I don't want you ty. Your pie, now that I like.

*teleports you an apple pie with a mysterious hole in the middle*

Enjoy!

CDRs of my Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins bootlegs.

I'm giving you a knuckle samich for not striking Ashton Kutcher dead.

Oh, Lord, I offer you Kanabia as a human sacrifice!

*presents again Monkeypimp's green stapler* It works! and has staples inside!

Heehee. *has magically hidden your pack of cigarettes*

Eh, I just went and bought a new pack. You can't beat me!

If you're god, why haven't you smote the Olsen Twins yet?

I'm not going to even bother responding to this thread. Low imposters and mortals such as the thread starter, whose name is unworthy of mention by Czardas himself, are similarly unworthy of comment from Me.

*teleports out of thread*

I'm not going to even bother responding to this thread. Low imposters and mortals such as the thread starter, whose name is unworthy of mention by Czardas himself, are similarly unworthy of comment from Me.

*teleports out of thread*

*teleports slightly behind, to the left, and above Czardas whilst the latter is teleporting and appears as a black stone head*
"What, just because you're immortal you think you don't have to pay taxes?' You owe over 125 quadrillion years worth of bacttaxes, due to time traveling complications.

CDRs of my Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins bootlegs.

Oooh, this is a thoughtful one! I bless you with much success in the future, and a lifetime of joyous promiscuity. (should you wish it).

I'm giving you a knuckle samich for not striking Ashton Kutcher dead.

:rolleyes:

Honestly. Kill this person, kill that person, blah blah. What sort of higher power do you think I am? I'm not a hitman. Do it yourself. Actually, you can't. I've just made a terrible disaster befall you in a year's time.

If you're god, why haven't you smote the Olsen Twins yet?

See above.

Oh, Lord, I offer you Kanabia as a human sacrifice!

I shall take your future children instead.

*presents again Monkeypimp's green stapler* It works! and has staples inside!

*shoots staples at you*

Why, so it does. *continues shooting, targeting the eyes*

I'm not going to even bother responding to this thread. Low imposters and mortals such as the thread starter, whose name is unworthy of mention by Czardas himself, are similarly unworthy of comment from Me.

*teleports out of thread*

Pathetic weakling. You will die, and your punishment after death will be far greater than what any idiot has suffered to date.

:p

Every month I will offer the Great Kanabia an item from my desk - this week he shall receive a map that goes from the the western coast of African to Japan and Northern Africa. Next morth, who knows? Perhaps it's a tiny Buddha statue, digital camera, maybe an envelope to a Christmas card.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?

I can prove you are not GOd.

You aren't because the being that wrote "I am God" above has intention. God
has no intention. He simply is,.. utterly intentionless.

Therefore, you are not God.


God would also have no use for anything I had to offer, because he has no
wants, because he has no intention to aDO anything, the least of which would
be for me to give him something he doesn't need.

Therefore, your asking for offerings invalidates you from being God,.. again.

-Iakeo

I can prove you are not GOd.

You aren't because the being that wrote "I am God" above has intention. God
has no intention. He simply is,.. utterly intentionless.

Therefore, you are not God.

Oh yeah? Prove it. Prove that a God has no intention.


God would also have no use for anything I had to offer, because he has no
wants, because he has no intention to aDO anything, the least of which would
be for me to give him something he doesn't need.

Therefore, your asking for offerings invalidates you from being God,.. again.

-Iakeo

And prove that, too.

Every month I will offer the Great Kanabia an item from my desk - this week he shall receive a map that goes from the the western coast of African to Japan and Northern Africa. Next morth, who knows? Perhaps it's a tiny Buddha statue, digital camera, maybe an envelope to a Christmas card.

Hm. Okay.

I give you... *Fanfars* 42!!! *Dramatic silence*

I give you... *Fanfars* 42!!! *Dramatic silence*

Well, at least it wasn't 69.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?
Well, I had this pressing call of nature, and you wanted an offering to your Godness, so ... ! :D

Hm. Okay.
The lord is pleased! How may I serve you, father of all creation? A bloody crusade filled with muder, plunder, and rape?

Well, at least it wasn't 69.
No, I only offer that to people I believe exist. I think you're just an AI gone mental, along with everyone else around here. You're just AI's playing parts to entertain yourselves. You might not even be aware of it, but I am.

***Makes an offering of a slightly used DVD of John Safran vs God***

*digs through pockets*

I give you...um...looks like 35...no...36 cents, a paperclip, some lint, 2 cigarettes, and a mini lighter.


oh, and hell, I'll throw in a half full bottle of Jack.

You can have my cat? *lifts up Black and white, fat ass cat*


But you can't have my other cat. He's for Allah.. or maybe Buddah. Im not too sure just yet.

I went outside to have my smoke, tripped because I didn't have a shoelace, fell down the stairs and landed on this (http://www.bluedragon.it/images/arazzi/harem/Haremminini/Sexy%20FAllen%20Angel.jpg). You can have it.

Well, I had this pressing call of nature, and you wanted an offering to your Godness, so ... ! :D

Ewww, old people poo.

Where's a nurse like Tink when you need her?

***Makes an offering of a slightly used DVD of John Safran vs God***

Awesome. You shall be rewarded with much future success, and a lifetime supply of alcoholic beverages (to be won sometime in the future in a competition you mysteriously won't remember entering.)

The lord is pleased! How may I serve you, father of all creation? A bloody crusade filled with muder, plunder, and rape?

Preferably not. Spreading the word of my awesomeness peacefully is quite acceptable.

No, I only offer that to people I believe exist. I think you're just an AI gone mental, along with everyone else around here. You're just AI's playing parts to entertain yourselves. You might not even be aware of it, but I am.

Not quite; at least, not everyone is. Czardas, Harlesburg, etc. are, but there are a few meatbags (hehe) around.

*digs through pockets*

I give you...um...looks like 35...no...36 cents, a paperclip, some lint, 2 cigarettes, and a mini lighter.


oh, and hell, I'll throw in a half full bottle of Jack.

Hmmm....okay.

You can have my cat? *lifts up Black and white, fat ass cat*


But you can't have my other cat. He's for Allah.. or maybe Buddah. Im not too sure just yet.

Okay, it'll do. *pats the cat*

I went outside to have my smoke, tripped because I didn't have a shoelace, fell down the stairs and landed on this. You can have it.

Eh, I suppose it'll come in useful.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?
You're not supernatural. If you were, you couldn't be posting.

You're not supernatural. If you were, you couldn't be posting.

Where is your proof that God cannot take on a physical form?

The lord is pleased! How may I serve you, father of all creation? A bloody crusade filled with muder, plunder, and rape?
Ya know, i was flipping through one of Kanabia's pamphlets that some considerate individual stuffed through my mail slot and under my windshield wiper and attached to my doorknob and emailed to me in a spamload and graffitti'd on the subway wall and skywritten and put on the FauX "News" screen newswire banner and insinuated into the church hymns and ranted repeatedly by the vagrants hanging out on 5th by the Walgreen's and i think it has been also included as a PSA by our local news station ... but anyway it said something along the same lines as you, so yeah i think you have it in the right order.

Ya know, i was flipping through one of Kanabia's pamphlets that some considerate individual stuffed through my mail slot and under my windshield wiper and attached to my doorknob and emailed to me in a spamload and graffitti'd on the subway wall and skywritten and put on the FauX "News" screen newswire banner and insinuated into the church hymns and ranted repeatedly by the vagrants hanging out on 5th by the Walgreen's and i think it has been also included as a PSA by our local news station ... but anyway it said something along the same lines as you, so yeah i think you have it in the right order.

No, it's not time yet. Soon, my faithful, soon.... :p

Oh yeah, my offering.
Well, this depends on your contacts ....
I have a certain amount of skin flakes that i think would be well suited to your needs, as an valuable offering. I'm currently using some of it but it won't take long, especially given my proclivities. I figure if i wash them they won't be worth as much, so they'll be richer in value to you.

If that isn't enough i'm also offering a chance for you to invest in an EXCELLENT real estate investment, with prime property in Florida, along with some other serious-minded investors looking for a way to show their savvy with the market and to come out much richer people.

Well first of all, you dont have a big book full of very old fiction telling everyone youre god, but as Im a forgiving guy.....i'll forgo it.

Ive got half a grilled cheese sandwich, a Faygo bottlecap, a third of a bottle of unknown pills (cause the label fell off) and half a pack of Camels....


What can I get for that?

Where is your proof that God cannot take on a physical form?
Or a golden shower? Hmmm? *nudge*

No, it's not time yet. Soon, my faithful, soon.... :p
Not yet? *whoops*
Time to blame one of my other personalities.
Please don't hurt me, i'm fragile. I've had my faith severely wounded by some charlatan who got me to change religions just so i could have a tryst with my wife, her sister and her mother. It's a long, long road to recovery, and i'm weak-willed and quite probably a pretty easy mark to take advantage of.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?

All I have to offer thee God is this Humble BiGMac Hamburger


Me Hopes that thee enjoys the BiGMac

Oooh, this is a thoughtful one! I bless you with much success in the future, and a lifetime of joyous promiscuity. (should you wish it).Thanks, Lord Kanabia. I have a few other bootlegs, such as Veruca Salt or the Cranberries, but I have more from the two aforementioned bands.

Thanks, Lord Kanabia. I have a few other bootlegs, such as Veruca Salt or the Cranberries, but I have more from the two aforementioned bands.
Sorry to barge in, but - the Cranberries? :eek: Are they even still around?

All I have to offer thee God is this Humble BiGMac Hamburger


Me Hopes that thee enjoys the BiGMac

Pfeh- you DARE to offer a higher being a grease-laden fast food cardboardburger? Bah. I'd give you liver poisoning or something, but you're on your way anyway.

Thanks, Lord Kanabia. I have a few other bootlegs, such as Veruca Salt or the Cranberries, but I have more from the two aforementioned bands.

I'm good with the Nirvana and Pumpkins, thanks. :D

Sorry to barge in, but - the Cranberries? :eek: Are they even still around?I believe so. They have 5 albums and a greatest hits album. They haven't released anything since the greatest hits album, but that was 3 years ago, 4 at the most.

My offering:

Manowar's Kings of Metal CD and Vinyl (because you cannot beat vinly-y goodness!). There are you happy now?

[QUOTE=Kanabia]Pfeh- you DARE to offer a higher being a grease-laden fast food cardboardburger? Bah. I'd give you liver poisoning or something, but you're on your way anyway.



NO! Not liver poisening:eek:
Me beggens thee Kanabia, what should I get you to please your needs?

I offer you the end of page 5

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?
Well, I'm ePoor and everything so I own nothing. However, I have a question:
Do you have an Holy Army yet?
I mean, I know, Jihad is wrong and all, but I need a random cause to make my mass murder seem acceptable in the eyes of the Lord, Kanabia. What I'm really asking is; can I kill shit and sleep around and that and be good?

Oh, and a nice position in your army would be cool. One where I can go power mad and get away with it, preferrably. All praise Al Kanabia.

Man, Im God! And You Don't Have Any Proof Otherwise! So I Must Be God! So Give ME Offerings

I offer you my supernatural fishy...his name is Brenneka Imantra...He can stare at you and put you to sleep...or is it staring at him puts you to sleep...meh..anyways you can hypontise your enemies with his pretty colors...blue and red

My offering:

Manowar's Kings of Metal CD and Vinyl (because you cannot beat vinly-y goodness!). There are you happy now?

Eh, they're okay I suppose. Done.


NO! Not liver poisening:eek:
Me beggens thee Kanabia, what should I get you to please your needs?

A lightly toasted turkey, swiss cheese and salad sandwich.

I offer you the end of page 5

Higher mortals change their settings to show 40 posts per page. ;)

Well, I'm ePoor and everything so I own nothing. However, I have a question:
Do you have an Holy Army yet?
I mean, I know, Jihad is wrong and all, but I need a random cause to make my mass murder seem acceptable in the eyes of the Lord, Kanabia. What I'm really asking is; can I kill shit and sleep around and that and be good?

Oh, and a nice position in your army would be cool. One where I can go power mad and get away with it, preferrably. All praise Al Kanabia.

It is being created. All of the positions of power will be immortals created by my own hand, though. You can be a harbringer of doom type person if you like, though.

Man, Im God! And You Don't Have Any Proof Otherwise! So I Must Be God! So Give ME Offerings

No, because i'm God (that's all the proof you need), so therefore you cannot be.

I offer you my supernatural fishy...his name is Brenneka Imantra...He can stare at you and put you to sleep...or is it staring at him puts you to sleep...meh..anyways you can hypontise your enemies with his pretty colors...blue and red

Hmm. Done.

I offer thee a song... with help from Pandora

*plays....... RATM - Vietnow*

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?

Your same logic is overwhelmingly in favor of my being God as well. As a divine being, I feel no need to leave offerings.

I can prove you are not GOd.

You aren't because the being that wrote "I am God" above has intention. God
has no intention. He simply is,.. utterly intentionless.

Therefore, you are not God.


God would also have no use for anything I had to offer, because he has no
wants, because he has no intention to aDO anything, the least of which would
be for me to give him something he doesn't need.

Therefore, your asking for offerings invalidates you from being God,.. again.

-Iakeo

I disagree, those religions that have a God usually involve creationism. Intent is required to create a universe, therefore God cannot be intentionless. However, God should have no needs, with the ability to create. The demand for offerings disproves godhood.

I disagree, those religions that have a God usually involve creationism. Intent is required to create a universe, therefore God cannot be intentionless. However, God should have no needs, with the ability to create. The demand for offerings disproves godhood.
God has a need for people believing in God...

and I believe in Kanabia

God has a need for people believing in God...

and I believe in Kanabia

If God created people, how can God require their belief to exist?

If God created people, how can God require their belief to exist?
Before that he had an ego

The demand for offerings disproves godhood.
Well, that was only to impress a girl, so never mind that (though I should really add "ostensibly"; seeing as he's keeping it all for himself after all). :D

I offer thee a song... with help from Pandora

*plays....... RATM - Vietnow*

I reward thee with a solid gold pegleg.

Your same logic is overwhelmingly in favor of my being God as well. As a divine being, I feel no need to leave offerings.

No, it isn't - I am the one and only God.

If God created people, how can God require their belief to exist?

I need someone to boss around, or else i'd get pretty bored here, and it would defeat the purpose of creating the planet in the first place.

However, God should have no needs, with the ability to create. The demand for offerings disproves godhood.

Need and want are separate things. I want pitiful mortals to show their loyalty. And I want to dispense sadistic punishments upon those that refuse.

Well, that was only to impress a girl, so never mind that (though I should really add "ostensibly"; seeing as he's keeping it all for himself after all). :D

Actually, to be honest, it was primarily for my own amusement anyway. ;) Feel free to help yourself to the shoelace or whatever, though.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?

A blond, white virgin in the style of all crappy sacrifice scenes in old movies. Would you prefer her sacrificed or unsacrificed?

I'll offer you a meal of "My Foot in Your Ass," will that suffice? This comes for defying me as I am the one and only God.

A blond, white virgin in the style of all crappy sacrifice scenes in old movies. Would you prefer her sacrificed or unsacrificed?

I'd prefer a brunette.

I'll offer you a meal of "My Foot in Your Ass," will that suffice? This comes for defying me as I am the one and only God.

*gives you bowel cancer*

Now it's my foot in YOUR ass, bitch.

:p

I offer you an entire platter of my favorite dish, homemade nacho bake, served over white corn tortilla chips, with a slice of my Tequila key-lime pie, and a cold one to wash it all down with. Praise be.

I offer you an entire platter of my favorite dish, homemade nacho bake, served over white corn tortilla chips, with a slice of my Tequila key-lime pie, and a cold one to wash it all down with. Praise be.

You are a faithful servant. Maintaining your faith shall yield you many future rewards.

Originally Posted by Iakeonui
I can prove you are not GOd.

You aren't because the being that wrote "I am God" above has intention. God
has no intention. He simply is,.. utterly intentionless.

Therefore, you are not God.

God would also have no use for anything I had to offer, because he has no
wants, because he has no intention to aDO anything, the least of which would
be for me to give him something he doesn't need.

Therefore, your asking for offerings invalidates you from being God,.. again.

-Iakeo

I disagree, those religions that have a God usually involve creationism. Intent is required to create a universe, therefore God cannot be intentionless. However, God should have no needs, with the ability to create. The demand for offerings disproves godhood.

My God has no intention, as an axiom.

The reason for that is that any intention would invalidate God as being
utterly non created (he created but was not created). God is not a creature,
and has no attributes of a creature. Want (intention is based on a need for
something which is not applicable to God as he needs nothing) is an attribute
of all creatures, thus (by definition) NOT an attribute of God.

The universe was an intentionless creation, whatever that means. The
meaning of that phrase to you is what you can make it into.

I agree with you that a God who demands anything ("offerings") disproves
God.

-Iakeo

absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

I'd prefer a brunette.



*gives you bowel cancer*

Now it's my foot in YOUR ass, bitch.

:p

MMM feel your blood boil from my lightning strike.

My God has no intention, as an axiom.

The reason for that is that any intention would invalidate God as being
utterly non created (he created but was not created). God is not a creature,
and has no attributes of a creature. Want (intention is based on a need for
something which is not applicable to God as he needs nothing) is an attribute
of all creatures, thus (by definition) NOT an attribute of God.

The universe was an intentionless creation, whatever that means. The
meaning of that phrase to you is what you can make it into.

I agree with you that a God who demands anything ("offerings") disproves
God.

-Iakeo

Well, if the universe is an "intentionless creation" that CERTAINLY explains a lot of things about the nature of things. I think an intended universe might be better to live in.:D

I'll offer you a meal of "My Foot in Your Ass," will that suffice? This comes for defying me as I am the one and only God.

See what happens when people get stuck in their heads the "There can be only one" mentality? All our budding deities should make their own universes to play with...although divine warfare can be entertaining to watch.:sniper: :mp5:

It is being created. All of the positions of power will be immortals created by my own hand, though. You can be a harbringer of doom type person if you like, though.
Yaaay! I have a burnt offering now - he pissed me off in the supermarket today.

damn i already gave all the good stuff to the other gods. oh wait i have some of moms "Soylent Stew"

ingredients include: various grade d public school meats, soylent green, and slaughterhouse backwash for broth.

i hope you enjoy

I'd prefer a brunette.

Thou art worthy of praise indeed!

ingredients include: various grade d public school meats, soylent green, and slaughterhouse backwash for broth.
So what you're saying is that it's made from grade D people, grade A people and a mixed-grade human bodily fluids broth. Interesting - let me know if you can sell it anywhere.

Well, if the universe is an "intentionless creation" that CERTAINLY explains a lot of things about the nature of things. I think an intended universe might be better to live in.:D

An INTENDED UNIVERSE would be a leftist distopian nightmare.

(( Just HAD to get "leftist" in there somewhere..!! :) ))

Can you imagine a "planned universe"...?!

God did the initial conditions set up, then left it to freewheel ("free will") into
whatever it was going to make of itself.

Yeah,.. explains everything pretty well..! :)


-Iakeo

I'm atheist, I don't believe in you.

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?
I hereby leave my chocolate outhouse.

I hereby leave my chocolate whorehouse.
Fixed so that it includes the two greatest things in life. No, not fat and VD. Sex and Chocolate.

Used cat litter.
I can leave a new offering everyday.
Lots of it.

Actually, to be honest, it was primarily for my own amusement anyway. ;) Feel free to help yourself to the shoelace or whatever, though.

Wait....you mean... you mean....that wasn't all for me?

But....but....does that mean I'm not.... I'm not..... I'm not going to bear your love child?









Now would you........would you please excuse me while I go make a noose out of that shoelace?

Okay, it'll do. *pats the cat*


*steals cat*

-snippage-
Not quite; at least, not everyone is. Czardas, Harlesburg, etc. are, but there are a few meatbags (hehe) around.

Oh how ammussing the monkey throws his poop.

Wait....you mean... you mean....that wasn't all for me?

But....but....does that mean I'm not.... I'm not..... I'm not going to bear your love child?

That's definitely still open for consideration. ;)

Oh how ammussing the monkey throws his poop.

And the worm eats it.

Hmmm...

What are the benefits of honouring you?

God offers me eternal heaven.
Allah offers me seventy-something virgins.
Buddha offers me spiritual enlightenment.

What do you offer in return for my everlasting worship?

Hmmm...

What are the benefits of honouring you?

God offers me eternal heaven.
Allah offers me seventy-something virgins.
Buddha offers me spiritual enlightenment.

What do you offer in return for my everlasting worship?

I won't make your life a living hell or make you give me spongebaths when you die and enter the afterlife?

I am God. Well, I might as well be, because you can't prove otherwise: therefore I must be God. The logic is obviously overwhelmingly in favour of me.

And I demand offerings. What are you leaving for me on my sacred altar?



I offer you the blood of ten virgins, but only if you reward me with coloured lights and music in my head.

I give you my ruler from school, which is "flexible" and orange. The end broke off somehow, can't remember. It's worth about 15cents probably.
Sorry, all I got

I offer you the blood of ten virgins, but only if you reward me with coloured lights and music in my head.

Why would I want the blood of ten virgins? That's gross. What, are you going to rummage around in bins for tampons or maybe take their bedsheets after you've deflowered them?

I give you my ruler from school, which is "flexible" and orange. The end broke off somehow, can't remember. It's worth about 15cents probably.
Sorry, all I got

Meh, i'll take it.

Meh, i'll take it.
Oh, might possibly be able to chuck in some cat food. Thanks for your understanding there.. Uhh... Oh "Great" One..

I've got some lint from my bellybutton you can have

<----- 2more

You can have the little bit of dirt from my finger nails and my finger nail clippings in 7 hours.

Why would I want the blood of ten virgins? That's gross. What, are you going to rummage around in bins for tampons or maybe take their bedsheets after you've deflowered them?


'the blood of' translates as 'I'll murder them in your honour'

'the blood of' translates as 'I'll murder them in your honour'
Duh.. It was pretty obviously a human sacrafice.

I offer You a high-quality copy of the Communist Manifesto, translated in 50 languages, with a handcrafted "hammer and sickle" incrusted into the cover.

Do You accept this offer ?

I offer you the blood of ten virgins, but only if you reward me with coloured lights and music in my head.
what a waste of good virgins

I won't make your life a living hell or make you give me spongebaths when you die and enter the afterlife?

Wow, you responded straight away! You ARE all powerful!

Forget the virgins, spongebaths all the way!

Duh.. It was pretty obviously a human sacrafice.

not to 'God' evidently

That's definitely still open for consideration. ;)
:eek:

Eh, why not. :fluffle:;)



ETA: Ack. Behold the miserable word-to-smiley ratio. I feel dirty now.

Wow, you responded straight away! You ARE all powerful!

Forget the virgins, spongebaths all the way!

*Bares backside* You can start here.

I offer You a high-quality copy of the Communist Manifesto, translated in 50 languages, with a handcrafted "hammer and sickle" incrusted into the cover.

Do You accept this offer ?

Hm. I'm not a marxist, but at least it's thoughtful. Okay.


:eek:

Eh, why not. :fluffle:;)



ETA: Ack. Behold the miserable word-to-smiley ratio. I feel dirty now.

;)

You'll feel dirtier when...*ahem*. Uh, nothing to see here! :p

Heheheh.


As for virgin sacrifices, BAH. What an absolute waste. I should give you all a newly invented STD for that idea.

I won't make your life a living hell or make you give me spongebaths when you die and enter the afterlife?
Wait, spongebathing the Great One is a punishment?
......
I've been real bad, Kanabia. http://msn.mess.be/data/media/21/Smiley6.gif