NationStates Jolt Archive

I really need some help. For the past 4 years or so I've been smoking pot. Now, that's not really ever been a problem for me. I only really did it once or twice a week and sometimes even less. I really enjoy the experience of getting high and generally find it to be a lot cheaper and more enjoyable than alcohol (which I gave up for monetary reasons and the fact that when I drank I started becoming either depressed or violent). Now, for those of you who don't know I'm 17, still at school and still living with my parents. Since about half way through the last school year I became very angry with my school- the teachers don't treat you with respect, the people there are mostly arrogant dickheads, even the syllabuses and exam structures started to annoy me. Since starting the current school year I've been increasing the amount of weed I smoke so that I've basically been smoking every night for months on end. Over the christmas holidays I noticed that I really didn't feel the urge to smoke so much and so it's dropped back down to once, twice, maybe three times a week. I've come to the conclusion that Im no longer smoking for recreational purposes but to escape the hollowness I feel due to the constant sense of tedium/anger/depression I have at school. I'm due back on tuesday and I'm worried because I know I will start smoking more and more again. I've also been experiencing several violent fantasies that I usually get when I'm depressed and come close to self harm (which I did when I was younger). I don't know what to do- I want to continue smoking weed recreationally but not just to avoid reality. I don't know whether I should talk to my parents about this, (neither know I smoke pot, only my mum knows Im a ((tobacco)) smoker) see if I can swap schools, drop out, get a job, move away, or something else. I just know that going back to that school will only cause a resurgence in my destructive tendencies.

Anybody faced a similar situation? Feel they can give me advice? If you think it would be best to talk privately I can telegram you my email address.

I really need some help. For the past 4 years or so I've been smoking pot. Now, that's not really ever been a problem for me. I only really did it once or twice a week and sometimes even less. I really enjoy the experience of getting high and generally find it to be a lot cheaper and more enjoyable than alcohol (which I gave up for monetary reasons and the fact that when I drank I started becoming either depressed or violent). Now, for those of you who don't know I'm 17, still at school and still living with my parents. Since about half way through the last school year I became very angry with my school- the teachers don't treat you with respect, the people there are mostly arrogant dickheads, even the syllabuses and exam structures started to annoy me. Since starting the current school year I've been increasing the amount of weed I smoke so that I've basically been smoking every night for months on end. Over the christmas holidays I noticed that I really didn't feel the urge to smoke so much and so it's dropped back down to once, twice, maybe three times a week. I've come to the conclusion that Im no longer smoking for recreational purposes but to escape the hollowness I feel due to the constant sense of tedium/anger/depression I have at school. I'm due back on tuesday and I'm worried because I know I will start smoking more and more again. I've also been experiencing several violent fantasies that I usually get when I'm depressed and come close to self harm (which I did when I was younger). I don't know what to do- I want to continue smoking weed recreationally but not just to avoid reality. I don't know whether I should talk to my parents about this, (neither know I smoke pot, only my mum knows Im a ((tobacco)) smoker) see if I can swap schools, drop out, get a job, move away, or something else. I just know that going back to that school will only cause a resurgence in my destructive tendencies.

Anybody faced a similar situation? Feel they can give me advice? If you think it would be best to talk privately I can telegram you my email address.
you know i experienced something similar. and i wish i had some concrete advice for you, but i don't: everybody is different, every situation is different... hell, every high is different.

my own background was i started smoking pot when i was about your age at school, lower 6th year, smoked it more frequently in upper 6th, and then went all-out at uni. it ended up with me having a joint in the morning after just getting out of bed, usually smoking through the day and finishing up with a last j (and usually some beer) to 'help me sleep'. thankfully we had some good contacts (esp. people who grew barn-fulls of their own crop, and my mate was the long-term boyfriend of her) so we got bagfulls of the stuff at cutthroat prices... but i smoked, like you, to escape reality cos i was depressed and just didn't want to be there or be alive. being mashed all day was as close as i could get to being sedated (had i had the opportunity to use smack i think i would have done... definatley glad i didn't now). but it didn't start out that way - at one point i actually enjoyed getting high.

after much thought i've realised that all the weed did was mask from me my slow slide into deeper depression. i know it started second-year sixth, but cos i was smoking then i didn't really notice. then at uni, i didn't notice when i got further depressed. i thought i was fine and perfectly normal. i wasn't happy, but that was only when i let myself think for five minutes when i wasn't high.

so i stopped smoking alltogether. bar a 2 week stint in amsterdam (never been higher in my life!) and a subsequent week at a mate's (getting trashed but actually enjoying it), i haven't smoked since about May.

so my advice would be this: stop smoking. full stop. let yourself feel the full depression and anger you're hiding. it'll be worse for a time but it'll give you the opportunity to actually do something about it and actually get better, rather than continuing to hide behind something which once made you happy, but now you know stops you from feeling the real truth. stop smoking and seek help for your depression and anger. if you find yourself self-harming again, or feeling suicidal, seek help faster - talk to people... you'll be suprised what just getting the feelings you're hiding out in the open can do to help. it won't be easy (god knows the one suicide attempt i made was when we ran out of stash for 2 whole weeks... bloody stupid :headbang: ) but in the long run you'll be better for it. i hope.

my other advice, if impractical, is find someone who cares and who you can share all this with. i mean you all know about me and amy, but the help and strength she's given me just by caring, and my knowing she cares, is tremendous. i've gotten better these last few months of being with her than i have... since i stopped smoking. i've been happier than i have been in years :)
i mean, i'm still kinda depressed under the surface and it still resurfaces sometimes, but not smoking i know whats going on, i'm learning how to face it, and i'm not in fear of talking to my parents about whats going on (previously i was scared of getting their help in case they found out i smoked). my mum now knows cos i told the doctor about it (and she was there) but still....

anyway, i hope thats of some use to you man :)
good luck!


edit: and remember, once you feel 'better' or 'ready' you can always go back to smoking like you used to - for fun and recreation, and actually enjoy it too! personally i'm not ready yet, but one day i might be.

Cheers for the advice man.

On the recreational thing, I think I want to continue because that's exactly what I've been doing over christmas and I've felt much better for it. I've only been doing it socially and really enjoyed the feeling. It's like the old days when I didn't loathe school. I've realised that I can stop doing it constantly but now I'm worried becuase I know the cause of my addiction is returning.

I dunno, maybe Im rambling.

No judgments here but:

Is it possible that your increased annoyance with everything may have something to do with your smoking? Whether or not you believe pot is harmful, it IS altering your perceptions... could the weed, for instance be adulterated with something else?

The other thing I would say is that when ANYTHING becomes a replacement for something in your life, or an escape -- it's time for help. Not from the smoking, but for whatever it is that's so depressing or awful that you feel you need to escape from it.

The other thing I would say is that when ANYTHING becomes a replacement for something in your life, or an escape -- it's time for help. Not from the smoking, but for whatever it is that's so depressing or awful that you feel you need to escape from it.
thats exactly what i was trying to say :fluffle:
how come everyone else is so much more concise than me :P

but good luck with whatever you try and do dude. i still stick by stopping smoking alltogether and re-assessing the situation. you can always go back to smoking again if you like, but if you keep going its liable to cloud your judgement. i'd suggest stopping for at least 3 weeks to get it out of your system and feel what life is like without it.

Same thing happened to me. I think the increased anger may be due to testosterone spiking up in your system as you reach your sexual peak. Smoking does get old over time. That's why I seldom take a toke anymore. Best way to deal with the anger and the need for something to do is to take up athletic hobbies. Personally I enjoyed boxing and martial arts, but you may like something totally different.

That testosterone effect will stay with you through your early twenties. You will have mood swings that sometimes urge you to violence. Channel it into constructive activities and you will be OK.

whoa, the "I have a problem" realization, I remember that point, it wasn't too long ago, trying to figure out "why exactly do I do this?" and "Can I just cut back or do I have to stop?"

It's a fine line, I would like to say first that I don't advocate breaking the law. Okay, there done with that.

My advice would be to stop for a while, these things are always thought out better in a "clean head", not that your thoughts are clouded, but it is difficult to assess a problem when you are still commiting the act. It could take a while for you to "emotionally detox" there will be days when even though you know you quit smoking pot, you will feel the nagging feeling all day that you "forgot" something, it's annoying, but you have to live through it. I would say go at least a month without any type of drug (okay not any type caffiene is okay in soda's and sugar in food and such) but really let your system (physical, and emotional) have a break. If after a month of being clean you figure out that your school is a problem, then I would take it to your parents to look for a school solution, if it's not the school, then I would think about your drug use. Do you think you can stop forever? not if you want to, but can you. If you seriously can't answer yes, and honestly, then you may need help. I am not sure what country you live in, but here in America minors can attend drug counseling in AA, NA, ect without parental notification (or you can in my state at least and we are about as backwards as it gets)

If that doesn't appeal to you, then I would suggest speaking to your doctor, basically they can't tell your parents anything you tell them unless you are going to hurt yourself (drug use doesn't count this time as hurting yourself) and see if you can get into counseling, she can code it like depression (which means your parents will think you are depressed, but you gotta choose your battles) or you can come clean to your parents. I bet they will take "I have been smoking pot and I think I am beginning to have a problem and need help" better than you think.

I am a former addict though, so my advice may seem a little harsh.

this may be stupid to say but: DON'T HAVE THE SHIT WERE YOU WILL BE INHALING IT!!!

got a friend who grow some in his room the plant gives off fumes that make you paranoid (probably explains the "everyone’s against me" felling your getting from school)

eventually led to him having a panic attack along with lots of other stuff happening in-between

So always make sure you not inhaling large doses when your sleeping and what not and wash any clothing/skin that was in open air after managing large quantities

(though also make sure you don’t get lack of sleep and/or poor nutrition both can quite badly affect people and I would know all about that)

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think you've all made different points which are useful. I'm currently thinking the right way to do things is:

-tell my parents tonight (as soon as my mum gets home, sit them both down and explain it to them)
-stop for about 3 weeks (have been clean since new years eve so already part way through)
-reassess situation
-if school's still untolerable and makes me want to smoke weed every night then just leave. I'm not going to turn into some junkie for the sake of going to university next year.
-Worst comes to worst, repeat year 13 at another school.

Thing is, over the holidays my desire to smoke weed has gone down and I would consider myself at a healthy usage rate. I just think that going back to school will only take away this progress.

You need to talk to your parents or doctor and get some professional help to deal with your anger and possible addiction to weed. Only by getting professional help can you understand why you are getting angry and why you are using weed or alcohol to alter your mood so you can learn to deal with the problem. Get the help now before you hurt yourself of someone else.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think you've all made different points which are useful. I'm currently thinking the right way to do things is:

-tell my parents tonight (as soon as my mum gets home, sit them both down and explain it to them)
-stop for about 3 weeks (have been clean since new years eve so already part way through)
-reassess situation
-if school's still untolerable and makes me want to smoke weed every night then just leave. I'm not going to turn into some junkie for the sake of going to university next year.
-Worst comes to worst, repeat year 13 at another school.

Thing is, over the holidays my desire to smoke weed has gone down and I would consider myself at a healthy usage rate. I just think that going back to school will only take away this progress.

I think it's a good plan (ie doing all of the above) except, isn't there a way you could solve the school problem without just leaving? maybe homeschool the rest of this year or get your GED? (I don't know if they have those there)
you might regret giving up on school over this, don't let other's actions dictate your life, if school is a problem find another solution, but don't give up. ;)

Right, I talked with my parents. They were really supportive and said they were glad I came to them about it. My mum wants to take me to the doctor she went to when she had a bout with depression. She said exercise was really helpful for her (Drunk Commies was right). I'm stopping weed for a few weeks, but the fact that I want to continue recreationally worries/scares her. I'd really like to leave school but may go back for a bit to see if it makes me feels any worse. If it does then I will not continue.

I just want to thank you all again for your advice. It's pretty easy to ignore somebody's moping over the internet but you were all nice enough to help me out.

I have some experience with this actually. I started smoking beginning of 10th grade when I lived in Costa Rica and I decided I would only do it once in a while. Once in a while turned into every weekend which turned into every day for a month. You end up burning out a bit, getting high isn't the same and you start wanting to smoke all the time. I thought of little else except for smoking weed and being high all the time. snip

And people say, "Oh Mary Jane isn't addictive." :(

Right, I talked with my parents. They were really supportive and said they were glad I came to them about it. My mum wants to take me to the doctor she went to when she had a bout with depression. She said exercise was really helpful for her (Drunk Commies was right). I'm stopping weed for a few weeks, but the fact that I want to continue recreationally worries/scares her. I'd really like to leave school but may go back for a bit to see if it makes me feels any worse. If it does then I will not continue.

I just want to thank you all again for your advice. It's pretty easy to ignore somebody's moping over the internet but you were all nice enough to help me out.

You've done the right thing. Good luck.

I hated college, only stayed in it because I knew the shit that I would catch if I dropped out. I smoked pot 2-3 times a day while I was in school, would often go to class high (never work though), and ended up not graduating.

While I didn't flunk out, I decided to start working rather than go back to school. I haven't smoked since I left school, and rarely feel the desire to.

Do not drop out (you can do without college, but dropping out of high school can really limit you down the road), but try and get an after-school job that can sort of get your mind off of school, and see if you can get into another school elsewhere.

I think you need to seek professional help. Perhaps a guidance teacher could point you in the correct direction. Taking any mind altering substance to escape reality can only lead to trouble in the long run. A good sign that problems were coming for me was that drinking/drugging used to interfere with my job (you can substitute school for this) but after awhile my job started interfering with my drinking/drugging.
Above all I hope you don't go Columbine on everyone's asses!!!! :cool:

Right, I talked with my parents. They were really supportive and said they were glad I came to them about it. My mum wants to take me to the doctor she went to when she had a bout with depression. She said exercise was really helpful for her (Drunk Commies was right). I'm stopping weed for a few weeks, but the fact that I want to continue recreationally worries/scares her. I'd really like to leave school but may go back for a bit to see if it makes me feels any worse. If it does then I will not continue.

I just want to thank you all again for your advice. It's pretty easy to ignore somebody's moping over the internet but you were all nice enough to help me out.
Just be careful if you quit school you may regret it later. Doesn't your school have co-op programs where you can work and earn both money and credits at the same time?

Right, I talked with my parents. They were really supportive and said they were glad I came to them about it. My mum wants to take me to the doctor she went to when she had a bout with depression. She said exercise was really helpful for her (Drunk Commies was right). I'm stopping weed for a few weeks, but the fact that I want to continue recreationally worries/scares her. I'd really like to leave school but may go back for a bit to see if it makes me feels any worse. If it does then I will not continue.

I just want to thank you all again for your advice. It's pretty easy to ignore somebody's moping over the internet but you were all nice enough to help me out.

Dude, I just gotta say I'm proud of you. Telling your parents something like that can be really hard, although it helps a lot if they're the sort to be supportive and helpful. You've got a great start.

As to school, I think it'd be best if you could find a way to finish it out and go on to uni, even if it takes an extra year or whatever. A bumpy road isn't a reason to let a good mind go to waste.

One thing I'd like to say: if you really hate school, you can always leave and go back and get qualifications later on when it's the right thing to do. An education is important but if you're unhappy, wanting to take drugs to the extent you damage yourself this much etc, I think - if you think it's right - it could be far better to take a break and get your life back on track.

I know neither of my parents followed the "normal" route with education, but both got qualifications later on in life (my dad up to PhD level) and were far happier that way.

And well done for telling your parents :)

I still find it amazing that after years of telling you how to not smoke and drink, people still do it.

I dunno if any of this has been posted previously - it's too late to read through so much actual properly deep stuff, so an apology in advance if I'm repeating stuff.

My first piece of advice is: don't sweat it. Sure school sucks - I know it as much as the next man, but it's only for a year or two (did you say you were in your last year?) And be honest - even if most of the people there are dicks, there's gotta be some people you like. Hang around with them, gather up a group of close friends, mess about quietly in lessons, have a laugh. I found that made school go sooooo much quicker and easier for me.

Also, even if the subjects/syllabuses suck, again it's only for a bit. Again just mess about a bit, have some laughs, it'll make it all better.

Second, if it's anger and such you're having difficulty with, find some beauty in life. Climb mountains, admire scenery, fall in love, the list is all but endless. Once you have that and memories and feelings of that you can think of it and chill right out. Again I speak from experience, and I hope it works for you as well as it does for me.

Finally, to help you deal with the frustration of school and stuff, try being more impulsive. Just do stuff - I mean not stupid or violent stuff, but go away for the weekend with some friends, even little things can help so much with making you feel like you're more in control, it helps a lot.

Hope this helps, and good luck with whatever you decide to do :)

I still find it amazing that after years of telling you how to not smoke and drink, people still do it.

Freedom of Choice is amazing, isn't it?

really to all of you that are still smoking pot you can really do without it in your life. i mean once in a blue moon is ok in my book but it should never ever be done alone (my views on doing anything). i smoked pot all throughout high school and even into some of my college but i recently stopped for 2 personal reasons. one because one day when i was high i was trying to retunr back to sanity after smoking pot and try to be in some view ok but i failed and that was the first time that happened to me (maybe because it was one of the few times i cared enough to try to even stop) and it really messed with my mood. teh second reason is because i found my current girlfriend and shes been a real big help with me. whenever i ahd a problem or a craving she would listen to me bitch and moan and she would actually listen and talk back and she wanted me to quit also but for the first time i found someone who wanted me to quit for unseelfish reasons. not so that they wouldnt look bad dating a stoner but because she wanted me to be safe. adn that was something actually new to me so it really helped. im not saying you all need a girlfriend/boyfriend to get better im saying you should find a friend to get better. find one that genuienly wants you to get better for yourself and jsut talk to them alot. im sorry i couldnt offer anymore concrete ways to get better but this is all i can offer to the table. the rest will always be up to yourself if you truley want to quit or not.

The other thing I would say is that when ANYTHING becomes a replacement for something in your life, or an escape -- it's time for help. Not from the smoking, but for whatever it is that's so depressing or awful that you feel you need to escape from it.

Yes, you're correct here, but it's not a simple thing to "replace" school with something else when you're 17.

DHomme needs to find out what he wants out of life - that's what makes you miserable when you're in your teens - you want your own independence and your own life, but for a few years, you're trapped in a pre-arranged system of development and you feel you have no control over it.

I'd say hold your breath, and it will get better over the next few years - more independence will help you feel better. But not everyone can hold their breath.

Right, I talked with my parents. They were really supportive and said they were glad I came to them about it. My mum wants to take me to the doctor she went to when she had a bout with depression. She said exercise was really helpful for her (Drunk Commies was right). I'm stopping weed for a few weeks, but the fact that I want to continue recreationally worries/scares her. I'd really like to leave school but may go back for a bit to see if it makes me feels any worse. If it does then I will not continue.

I just want to thank you all again for your advice. It's pretty easy to ignore somebody's moping over the internet but you were all nice enough to help me out.
talking to parents was definatley the right thing to do.
but might i suggest trying to stay in school? definatley better in the long run that way.
i left uni cos of weed/depression and sometimes i regret it. and that was uni. college is even more important!

Did same shit with alcohol (don't and never will use illegeal drugs).

It helped me to take myself to a dark place and it wasn't until I saw the way people were seeing me that I snapped out of it and quit, cold turkey. I stayed off the booze for over a year (during college :eek: that's unheard of) and it did me a world of good. I sorted out most of my problems, angst and bullshit and matured. You're still seventeen, but it seems to me you've grown up a hell of a lot in the last weeks as you've felt like this.

You've made the right choice, good luck and stay clean as long as you can, just to see if that makes a difference.

Sounds to me, Dhomme, like you're at the same crossroads I found myself at, at precisely the same age as you are now.

I don't care if I take flack for what I'm about to tell you, but - frankly, it sounds to me like you've outgrown school. Plain and simple.

And y'know what? I don't regret a single thing about the life I've led since I outgrew school. Not at all, it's been a rich, wide, and varied life I've led to date. Not to mention profitable, if only in the long run.

Remember this, from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann (italics & bolds mine):

"You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

If you can, get a full physical examination. Check for chemical imbalances. If you have a problem, like bi-polar disorder, then get appropriate meds. I have a friend who is bi-polar and has been self-medicating with liquor and weed for most of his life - he's destroyed so many brain cells he's non-functional. You do not want to end like that.

And people say, "Oh Mary Jane isn't addictive." :(

they mean not physically-like stop taking heroin and you get withdrawal

talking to parents was definatley the right thing to do.
but might i suggest trying to stay in school? definatley better in the long run that way.
i left uni cos of weed/depression and sometimes i regret it. and that was uni. college is even more important!

I dont care if I repeat year 13 at another school. Worst comes to worst Ill look into other options (drama/writing courses, etc). I just really can't handle this school.

I still find it amazing that after years of telling you how to not smoke and drink, people still do it.

Cheers! That was really helpful! Thanks alot!

I dont care if I repeat year 13 at another school. Worst comes to worst Ill look into other options (drama/writing courses, etc). I just really can't handle this school.
meh your choice... the school system is probably more flexible than i was lead to believe at my school (repeating a year? out of the question!! dropping a subject? never!! in many ways my school sucked ass :rolleyes: )

but whatever you do, get your a-levels, somehow

I can't believe no one has pointed out the obvious yet.

If it feels good... Do it. Repercussions be damned.

I can't believe no one has pointed out the obvious yet.

If it feels good... Do it. Repercussions be damned.

Least helpful post ever? I think so.

My advice, FWIW, is that it really sounds like you should look into changing schools. In any event, good luck.

I still find it amazing that after years of telling you how to not smoke and drink, people still do it.
It's called the rebel reaction. Most teenagers go through it. Countries with no drinking age have fewer problem drinkers.

Just a little update to all those who were concerned:

Everything is better at the minute. I told my parents, my family, my friends (to some extent) and action has been taken. I'm continuing to do theatre studies at my school and will take my exams there. History and English will be done with a tutor or by myself (I'm pretty far ahead in both subjects). I've stopped smoking weed and will only start again at the end of the month. Everyone (including *gasp* a couple of teachers) is being really supportive and is making me feel much better. I've also seen a doctor on how to cope with stress. So now I'm doing half an hour of aggressive exercise each day along with half an hour of art and i'm trying to get my sleep patterns back as well.