NationStates Jolt Archive

I've always thought of myself as charming and relaxed on a date but I have friends who get all nervous and clammy around girls and I just want to see if people can learn....


share you're experiences

I think its like all things: You're given a potential range that you could be in at birth, and then depending on how you are raised, your experiences etc, you will find yourself somehwere with in that range

i.e. I was born with charm potential from 3-7 and I had a charm raising of 8.5 (all on scales of ten.) So my charm will be a low 6

That formula is realy more for intelligence and athleticism body type etc. I think. Its not wuiote a refined science yet

I've always thought of myself as charming and relaxed on a date but I have friends who get all nervous and clammy around girls and I just want to see if people can learn....

share you're experiences
No. I think it's all in the nurturing.

Is Dating a Skill You're Born With?
Ew... imagine a baby trying to chat you up. Actually, don't.

I never had to try very hard, but I think the point was that I wasn't trying. I was oblivious, most of my friends were male, so I was just used to flirting and joking around, my husband was flirting with me for like 3 months before he asked me out. I had no clue he was interested, I just thought we were having fun. I was shocked when he asked me out. In hindsight, I think most of my male freinds were interested too, but were just too scared to ask me out. In fact, a lot of them quit speaking to me when I started dating my husband, the only one who didn't tried to kiss me like a month after I got married, and went into this whole speach about how he had been in love with me for like 6 years and didn't I notice that he was? How the heck was I supposed to know?!

I was looking at my yearbook from Junior year, and there were like 9 entries from guys that said stuff like "I will always love you" and stuff, I suppose I ignored it or something. It's really weird.

anyway, if you like someone then just tell them, because they might not have a clue at all. If you are wanting someone to like you, quit trying so hard, be yourself and don't worry about it.

I never had to try very hard, but I think the point was that I wasn't trying. I was oblivious, most of my friends were male, so I was just used to flirting and joking around, my husband was flirting with me for like 3 months before he asked me out. I had no clue he was interested, I just thought we were having fun. I was shocked when he asked me out. In hindsight, I think most of my male freinds were interested too, but were just too scared to ask me out. In fact, a lot of them quit speaking to me when I started dating my husband, the only one who didn't tried to kiss me like a month after I got married, and went into this whole speach about how he had been in love with me for like 6 years and didn't I notice that he was? How the heck was I supposed to know?!

I was looking at my yearbook from Junior year, and there were like 9 entries from guys that said stuff like "I will always love you" and stuff, I suppose I ignored it or something. It's really weird.
anyway, if you like someone then just tell them, because they might not have a clue at all. If you are wanting someone to like you, quit trying so hard, be yourself and don't worry about it.
very insightful... although you're old mates seem like wankers

I think they were really in love with me and after 8 years, this "new guy" dates me for 3 months and we get married, I kinda understand why they were mad.

I've always thought of myself as charming and relaxed on a date but I have friends who get all nervous and clammy around girls and I just want to see if people can learn....
I was almost painfully shy around girls when I was a teenager and during college. After 2 years in Vietnam, I decided I didn't really give a shit and it was at that point where women and I began to get along famously. Strange, is it not?

I think they were really in love with me and after 8 years, this "new guy" dates me for 3 months and we get married, I kinda understand why they were mad.
meh... its their own fault for not acting on it

I think its like all things: You're given a potential range that you could be in at birth, and then depending on how you are raised, your experiences etc, you will find yourself somehwere with in that range

i.e. I was born with charm potential from 3-7 and I had a charm raising of 8.5 (all on scales of ten.) So my charm will be a low 6

That formula is realy more for intelligence and athleticism body type etc. I think. Its not wuiote a refined science yet
You are totally a gamer.

But probably about right.

You have to do it to get over it, and you have to be over it to be any good at it. Chicks I've 'invested in' I was too whatever, the chicks I've dated slipped under my radar and I wasn't aware of them until they where nibbling on my neck, which as it turns out is the only signal I recognize...and even then I think maybe they're just trying to be nice. (albiet very nice...)

meh... its their own fault for not acting on it
Agreed

no, you can learn it for sure.

I don't think it can be learned, unless you start at birth. After living for 59 years and having one marriage (ended in divorce) I still don't have a clue. This seems to be a family trait. My mother was a pretty woman, intelligent and stylish, who didn't seem to get it - she married the first man who asked her (ended in divorce) and never remarried - never knew if a man was interested in her or not unless he literally cornered her and explained it in words of one syllable. I'm pretty much the same, so's my daughter. The funny thing is, I can watch men watching me daughter - some have literally run into things they were so intent on watching her - and she never catches on that they're interested - she's 35 years old. Believe me, we'd both like to have a clue. It's damned frustrating.

I think God put me on this earth so that I could date every boy I get my hands on. The most important thing, however, is that the boys actually usually come to me. Not that I haven't had to put up a certain amount of effort from time to time, but I spend more time being stressed out and worried over how to get rid of the guys who have either misinterpreted something I did or took a platonic-level relationship WAY too far.

That, though you'd never guess it, is actually possibly worse than not being a natural dater. There's nothing I'd like right now more than just being single for awhile.

I think its a combination. People are born with an inate ability to be social, and some don't have that innate "instinct" or something. I think its also a bit result of the nurturing. The more a child is held or nutured I think that can cause him to be more social.

Hmm, with me, if a girl is someone I'm actually friends with I can talk to them easily but if I don't know them that well but find them attractive, I just of "hmm" and "err..." to them.

Matter of learning... And how you have been raised... Someone who has grown to be shy at age of 10 will be shy at the age of 60 unless a miracle happens.

Ew... imagine a baby trying to chat you up. Actually, don't. Stewie!

Simonist']I think God put me on this earth so that I could date every boy I get my hands on. The most important thing, however, is that the boys actually usually come to me. Not that I haven't had to put up a certain amount of effort from time to time, but I spend more time being stressed out and worried over how to get rid of the guys who have either misinterpreted something I did or took a platonic-level relationship WAY too far.

That, though you'd never guess it, is actually possibly worse than not being a natural dater. There's nothing I'd like right now more than just being single for awhile.
yeah, believe me I spent a lot more time trying to figure out how to get rid of boys than how to get one. I still have to be careful, I have heard the "you know if you ever get divorced" line a little too often lately.

yeah, believe me I spent a lot more time trying to figure out how to get rid of boys than how to get one. I still have to be careful, I have heard the "you know if you ever get divorced" line a little too often lately.
Smunkee, let's try an exercise in being at least remotely unlike one another. Just for once......because I'm starting to get some serious identity issues here. So far as I can tell, the three main differences between us are that you have a family, you're a different denomination of Christian, and you live a bit further south than I.

I have a disturbing tendency to run about the halls of my house screaming "Who am I?!" whenever we chat.

But on a more topical note.....thank God I'm not the only girl who understands that situation. My chick friends are all like "I'd kill to be in that position!" because they just don't know any better.

Yeah I have no problems on dates, after dates, and what not it's just that I lack the ability to ask a girl out. It's pathetic.

Simonist']Smunkee, let's try an exercise in being at least remotely unlike one another. Just for once......because I'm starting to get some serious identity issues here. So far as I can tell, the three main differences between us are that you have a family, you're a different denomination of Christian, and you live a bit further south than I.
and I am a republican, although I am gettting tired of my party.

that should be something you can latch onto as a difference right?

I have a disturbing tendency to run about the halls of my house screaming "Who am I?!" whenever we chat.
I get that too.

But on a more topical note.....thank God I'm not the only girl who understands that situation. My chick friends are all like "I'd kill to be in that position!" because they just don't know any better.

yeah, but they assume they would actually want those boys, I am uninterested in them and that is what makes them bothersome. ;)

Stewie!

(Pointing) "Do her, her, do her, who hasn't done her?, do her, do her...

<snip>
Totally signature-quoted.

It's not like I want any of those boys, either.....not even the one I have :eek:
(Don't tell him, though. Thank God he doesn't know my NS name, because I think he's a newb)

i think it just depends on what kind of person you are... if you're a nervous person (which itself is affected by upbringing and genetics in part probably (re: neurochemistry)) then you'll probably be more likely to get all nervous, clammy, weird and quiet on dates.

i've actually never been on a single date in my life (:() but i'm one of those nervous people IRL, and a few years ago any date would have ended in total disaster i'm sure. nowadays i'm getting more confident and less nervous, so i dunno... we have yet to see...


though it also depends on the date. if its someone you know and get on with anyway, even a nervous person can be cool, relaxed and charming... that said nervousness can be charming too in different ways...

I know some people who are like wayyy to forward with girls and as an expericance of seeing that too much I can be a bit shy and slow to ask a girl out, heck I normally wait to be really sure they like me first. Just because I've seen too many of my friends just not take a hint to back off when a girl makes it obvious.

As for dates and stuff alwasy go well considering I normally get things in the open early so we can both be laid back and cool about everything. :)

You can definitely learn it. I was pretty awkward as a teenager but totally Miss Confidence by age 20. My step-mother gave me some great advice, though it took me a while to take it.
Act like you're confident and know what you're doing. People will totally believe it. And they did. After a bit of success with that, I became confident for real. Fake it until you make it.