NationStates Jolt Archive

Post some of your favorite (good or bad) pick-up lines. Please, don't post any especially dirty ones. Let's keep it clean (or, at least clean enough to not get the thread deated).

"Excuse me miss, but does this rag smell like ether to you?"



(just before someone else says it or something similar. Like chloroform)

"hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?"

"Excuse me miss, but does this rag smell like ether to you?"



(just before someone else says it or something similar. Like chloroform)

dammit

dammit


pwnd.

"My love for you is like diarrhea... I can't hold it in."

"Wanna screw?" (before she slaps you, pull out a metal screw and offer it to her)

This one is only for Jews.

Hey babe. There are only 14 million of us and we are in danger of having our religion wiped out because of that so lets make babies.

NOTE: I have not tried this and never will.

"I've noticed you around - I find you very attractive.

Ummm....

Would you go to bed with me?"

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

This one is only for Jews.

Hey babe. There are only 14 million of us and we are in danger of having our religion wiped out because of that so lets make babies.

NOTE: I have not tried this and never will.

lol iam going to have to pass this one on to a few of my jewish friends.

do you work at subway? because you're giving me a footlong.

This one is only for Jews.

Hey babe. There are only 14 million of us and we are in danger of having our religion wiped out because of that so lets make babies.

NOTE: I have not tried this and never will.

I thought there were 20 million?

do you work at subway? because you're giving me a footlong.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!

"Did you know that the distance between here (point to your elbow) and here (point to your wrist) is the same as the distance between here (point to her shoulder) and here (point to her other shoulder, thereby putting your arm around her)?"

YOU STOLE MY IDEA! I HAD A THREAD JUST THIS ONE A WHILE BACK! GRRRRRR!:mad:

If I say you have a nice body, will you hold it against me.

Was your daddy a baker? Cause you sure have some hot buns (hold up a stick of butter)

Excuse me would you be offended if I used a pick up line on you?

YOU STOLE MY IDEA! I HAD A THREAD JUST THIS ONE A WHILE BACK! GRRRRRR!:mad:

...because this idea is just so original... (although still amusing)

oh and:

if you're arrested by a female cop and they say 'everything you say can and will be held against you' say 'your tits'

oh and:

if you're arrested by a female cop and they say 'everything you say can and will be held against you' say 'your tits'
Don't do that in LA or you will be beat with a baton!!

Don't do that in LA or you will be beat with a baton!!

i've never tried it...never being arrested kind of puts a damper on that.

"Hey, is there a keg in your pants, cause I would love to tap that ass."

Used by a friend.

Don't do that in LA or you will be beat with a baton!!
only if yur black. ;)

You have 206 bones in your body; want another?

Don't do that in LA or you will be beat with a baton!!


Isn't that the point?

One I have came up with and have yet to use:

"I'm a reknowned guitarist. Perhaps you would like a demonstration of my fingering technique?"

:D

oh and:

if you're arrested by a female cop and they say 'everything you say can and will be held against you' say 'your tits'

LOL :D

do you work at subway? because you're giving me a footlong.
hahahaha thats hillarious....my favorite (usable one) has probably always been

'i noticed you noticing me, and i just wanted to put you on notice that i noticed you to'

This one really gets on my last nerve: "You have really beautiful eyes."

Hey, guess what? My eyes are NOT below my chin! (Unless I'm upside down, but that would be after a successful pick-up line.)

One I've been meaning to try

*Sweep girl off her feet, and hold her like a baby, looking into her eyes*

"Sorry, I couldn't think of any pick up lines. Wanna go back to my place, and help me?"

*If she has a good humour about it, seriously walk to your car, and try to go through with it. If she doesn't, come up with some line about being offended, put her down, and walk away.*

One I've been meaning to try

*Sweep girl off her feet, and hold her like a baby, looking into her eyes*

"Sorry, I couldn't think of any pick up lines. Wanna go back to my place, and help me?"

*If she has a good humour about it, seriously walk to your car, and try to go through with it. If she doesn't, come up with some line about being offended, put her down, and walk away.*

Eh, random physical contact = bad. You're likely to scare the shit out of her.

Eh, random physical contact = bad. You're likely to scare the shit out of her.

Not if you can pull off a Mr. Smooth, or are good enough at kino.

Excuse me would you be offended if I used a pick up line on you?


That one's cool... maybe...

Here is some more;

Have any (insert race) in you, want some?

*walk up to a girl with a glass of water in hand, put small dab of water on her top and yours* What do you say we get back to my house and get out of these wet clothes

If I was in charge of the alphabet, I would put I and U next to each other

You know that skirt would look nice crumpled on my bedroom floor

I like your laugh, how about going back to my place for a good chuckle

Ok So I wouldn't actually use the last one.

oh and:

if you're arrested by a female cop and they say 'everything you say can and will be held against you' say 'your tits'

I've been arrested by a female cop. She was an angry breastless short haired bitch. I think she would have hit me for realizing she wasn't a man.

"I have your mother tied up in my basement, you should come over to my place and get her."

Think it would work?


"I'm a porn director? Want to come star in my movie?"

"Is there a pick-up line in particular you would like to hear?"

"I don't want to come between you.....or do i?"

To pick up a waitress: "What time do you get off? ...Can I watch?"

"Would you like to have breakfast at my place?"

"Do you know what roofies are?"

"Mace just makes me hornier."

"I have three different condoms and I want to know which one is better. Want to help test them?"

"As I approached you, we had sex in my mind, And it was great. Want to try it for real?"

"Excuse me, sorry. I'm a bit nervous. I only have about five seconds to try to convince you that I can give you a night of unbelievable pleasure. Can I show you pictures?"

To pick up a waitress: "What time do you get off? ...Can I watch?"

hahaha

I once got some by simply asking a girl at a party "Do you want to go into the woods and have hot sweaty sex?"

Worked like a charm! :D




Edit- It really doesn't matter what you say, if you see her makin eyes at ya first. Also helps if your good lookin! ;) )

i have never used a pick up line but someone i know used this one among others he came up with.

boy:do you have a quarter
girl:why?
boy: i want to call my mom n tell her i met the girl of my dreams

here is another corney one

boy:did it hurt
girl:did what hurt
boy:when you fell from heaven

*Comes up to girl shyly*

"Hey... nice shoes..."

*looks down at the floor and then back up, eyes full of hope like a puppy dog thinking he might get a treat*

"... Wanna fuck?"

Is your father a lumberjack? Becuase I'm getting wood in my pants!

I seemed to have lost my number, can I have yours?

"nice trunk, i'd like to put my bike in it"

loved 40 year old virgin

YOU STOLE MY IDEA! I HAD A THREAD JUST THIS ONE A WHILE BACK! GRRRRRR!:mad:
If I recall correctly, you've asked everyone nearly every possible personal question.

Guy: *to random girl he sits next to* Excuse me, may I have your napkin?
Girl: Okay *gives napkin*
Guy: *fumbles, folds, and tears napkin, later unfolds it to reveal that he turned it into a heart* Is this yours? Can I have it?

This one really gets on my last nerve: "You have really beautiful eyes."

Hey, guess what? My eyes are NOT below my chin! (Unless I'm upside down, but that would be after a successful pick-up line.)
So, would you prefer "Nice tits."?

So, would you prefer "Nice tits."?

Yes. Abosolutely. I'd even award extra points for having the balls to at least be straightforward.

Sure, I'd prefer a nice approach, but lacking sincerity is a far worse offense.

Is your father a lumberjack? Becuase I'm getting wood in my pants!

ROFL :D

I'm drunk enough, you'll do.It works for Monkeypimp everytime*shifty eyes*

I'm drunk enough, you'll do.It works for Monkeypimp everytime*shifty eyes*

You win... is that anything like, "Take me drunk, I'm home!"?

You win... is that anything like, "Take me drunk, I'm home!"?
Im not as think as you drunk i am?

Im not as think as you drunk i am?

Haha. I always heard that one as, "Honest occifer, I'm not as think up as you fucked I am".

Haha. I always heard that one as, "Honest occifer, I'm not as think up as you fucked I am".

Said very drunkenly:


"I haven't had a **** all night drinkstable"

Said very drunkenly:


"I haven't had a **** all night drinkstable"

ROFL!

"Mind if I sit on your cock while I have a laptail?"

And another couple is made thanks to Harlesburg...........

And another couple is made thanks to Harlesburg...........

What? Woah Chuck Woolery.

Arrgh let me Make Port in your Harbour!

i once got 'fuckin hell, just sit on my fuckng dick bitch' and another time i got 'look into my eyes, now smile if you wanna fuck me' and more recently 'it's Saturday night, you need a good, hard fuck!'

Do you like chicken?
Then suck this, it's foul *point at your crotch*

Arrgh let me Make Port in your Harbour!


I bet LP could pull that one off.

i once got 'fuckin hell, just sit on my fuckng dick bitch' and another time i got 'look into my eyes, now smile if you wanna fuck me' and more recently 'it's Saturday night, you need a good, hard fuck!'

I've heard "Hey baby, let me buy you a leg opener" before.

Marching band:

"are you in band, because you're detail-atten-HOT"

"will you parade hess with me?"

you kind of have to be in a marching band that uses our commands to get these... they're really stupid

Well.. I usually don't do pick-up lines, it kinda ends fine without them (or I might do them but forget about it)... but I remember one...

Me: "I don't like chatting... so do you want to or not?"
Her: "Errrr, huh?!"
Me: "Awww screw it, you talk too much."

This happened while you have like 9 guys sitting a couple meters away laughing their asses off and me barely keeping a straight face...

"Hey, baby... You want to get together and kill all humans?"

Want some Hot Coffee?

(Remember the infamous San Andreas mod?)

"Are you gonna give me your name, or should I just call you gorgeous?"

Ahh... too bad he the was creepiest guy ever...

Yes. Abosolutely. I'd even award extra points for having the balls to at least be straightforward.

Sure, I'd prefer a nice approach, but lacking sincerity is a far worse offense.

But what would you say in response to that? "Thanks"? "I know"? "I think so, too"? :p (I'd prolly go for a slap. Yeah, it's honest and straightforward, but jeez.)

*Comes up to girl shyly*
"Hey... nice shoes..."
*looks down at the floor and then back up, eyes full of hope like a puppy dog thinking he might get a treat*
"... Wanna fuck?"
Beat me to it :p

pwnd.
Hahahahaha
*FLORT*
Actually that earned two *FLORT*s.

"Well, you're not so much of a looker, but how about you follow me home for a round?"

"You look like a cheap hooker and I've got £20. Can you see where I'm going with this?"

She was a bitch and I was drunk. Don't blame me, blame society.

"Do you come often ?"

"Mace just makes me hornier."
ROFLMAOWECADC!

Here is some more;

Have any (insert race) in you, want some?

Reminds me of Phl Lynott's utterance from the stage in Live and Dangerous, "Are there any girls out there with some Irish in them?" *cheers* "are there any girls out there who'd like a little more Irish in them?" ;)

I'm drunk enough, you'll do.
Brilliant!

i once got 'fuckin hell, just sit on my fuckng dick bitch' and another time i got 'look into my eyes, now smile if you wanna fuck me' and more recently 'it's Saturday night, you need a good, hard fuck!'
What a badass, all the same guy or different dudes?

"You look like a cheap hooker and I've got £20. Can you see where I'm going with this?"

She was a bitch and I was drunk. Don't blame me, blame society.
own3d

What winks and is hung like a horse?
*wink*

*Walks up to girl shyly and nervously. Studders through the line.*
"You have a really beautiful nose, I mean forehead, I mean... forget it, what would an awesome girl like you want with a guy like me."

Ahh. Pity sex.

Ahh. Pity sex.

Yeah, that's good for the ego.

Mine is simple: "Can I buy you a drink?" Followed by: "Tell me about yourself"

This one is best used at a bar, club, or other similar place.

Lick your finger, wipe it on the girl's shirt, and say "lets get you out of those wet clothes."

"One night, I tried to give a reason why I love you for every star in the sky. But eventually I ran out of stars."


Note: This would be realistic in winter, and not just a cheap metaphorically based phrase.

"One night, I tried to give a reason why I love you for every star in the sky. But eventually I ran out of stars."


Note: This would be realistic in winter, and not just a cheap metaphorically based phrase.

It would be excellent in the middle of the day. Some of my ex's would have taken weeks to work it out.

Want some Hot Coffee?

(Remember the infamous San Andreas mod?)

If you are lucky enough and she's actually a gamer gal, I reckon you've got it made with that one. :)

...small pity they don't exist in public. :p

My friend uses this all the time, but it never works...

*Walks up to girl*
"Dinner and a movie tonight? No problem."
*Walks away before the girl can reply*

...go figure.

*Walks away before the girl can reply*

That's the problem right there.

But what would you say in response to that? "Thanks"? "I know"? "I think so, too"? :p (I'd prolly go for a slap. Yeah, it's honest and straightforward, but jeez.)

It really depends.

Mutual attraction: "Thanks" (continue flirtation) or "Wanna get to know the rest of me?"... something like that.

Repulsion: "My girlfriend thinks so, too" (walk away).

On the rag: "I have a shotgun and I know how to use it." (stare)

On the rag: "I have a shotgun and I know how to use it." (stare)

It's not a good night out until a potential partner pisses himself, eh?

-See that bulge in mah pants? It's mah wallet.

-I tried to come up with something nice to say, but no poet on earth could describe somebody like you.

-Sure, you're out of my league, but you're out of everybody's league. Why not give me a chance?

-I'm a debater, honey, I'm great with my mouth.

It's not a good night out until a potential partner pisses himself, eh?

That would make it even more amusing.

In regards to a potential partner refer to the "mutually attracted" response. Truthfully, I haven't had a pick-up line used on me for quite some time. All of the guys that I've ended up with weren't ones I met on the street or in a club/bar. I don't go out much.

Do you wash your pants in Mr. Sheen? Cause I can see myself in them.

Shit isn't it?

Ah well, back to the drawing board I suppose.

You know how they say the skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
They call me coffee. I grind so fine.
Do you work for UPS? I swear I saw you checking out my package.

"This isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a love machine."

"So, do you like fat guys with no money?"

Hey babe,
Stick with me and you'll feel like you were ravaged by an army if Greek Gods.

If her curiosity isn't aroused by that one, she could be frigid.;)

"So, do you like fat guys with no money?"

I bet that one has an excellent sucess rate.

"hey!" to strange stranger

"Do I know you?"

"Do you want to?'

at work

"Um...can I write on your arm? I don't have any paper.'

"Only if it's your phone number'

Eh, random physical contact = bad. You're likely to scare the shit out of her.

Not if you look like brad pitt or johnny depp.

"Come on love, it's not gonna suck itself"

Best one ever.
Went up to a girl with an ashtray
"Do you think this ashtray could kill a zombie?" (If you haven't seen Shaun of the dead, you won't get it)

That was the easiest time I've ever had when it came to speaking to a female stranger. Got her number, we had a good time.

The absolute worst line I ever heard (21 years ago)-
On my 17th birthday my friends kidnapped me out of class in high school and 3 hours later I was drunk off my ass in Port Aransas, Tx.
My buds were working hard to get me laid and one of them came upon a woman and her children at the beach.
My friend's opening line was,"Hello ma'am. Are you married?". The lady replied that she was. This stumped my friend for a second or two but he recovered nicely with, "Are you HAPPILY married?".

"Hey, baby... You want to get together and kill all humans?"
(While asleep and with a sexual tone): "Hey sexy mamma, wanna kill all humans?"
-
And for posterity's sake ...

(In drag) "Ever been beaten up by a guy dressed like a chick?"

"C'mon, it's just like making love! Y'know...Left, down...Rotate 62 degrees...Engage rotor..."

"Aww, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortunes."

"Now, you say you're off to see the professor, cause I could use a heart. A human heart. I need to pump a lot of blood out of my basement."

"Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee."

Want some Hot Coffee?

(Remember the infamous San Andreas mod?)
Remember, nice guys finish last.

What a badass, all the same guy or different dudes?

all different