NationStates Jolt Archive

The title doesn't tell you much...this is the situation. One of my brothers is transgendered. He finally opened up about this to the whole family about two years ago. He's slowly getting to the point where he feels comfortable enough being female around us when we get together as a family. His sexuality is a bit in the air...he's dated girls, but is currently seeing a guy. Anyway, this Christmas, he brought his boyfriend and his female roomate over, and one of my brothers didn't show up to eat with us. I knew why. One, he didn't like the boyfriend, and was uncomfortable with the idea that his brother is either gay or bisexual. Two, he doesn't like the roomate, but he's 21 and going through a very inflexible, very judgemental phase. Three, he does not 'approve' of what he calls my brother's 'crossdressing'. Clearly he does not understand the difference between crossdressing and being transgendered, which is another barrier.

Well, my brothers talked a bit before they went home, and the self-righteous brother decided to lay it all out about how he did not 'approve' of my transgendered brother's lifestyle, his friends, the way he lives, who he is. Apparently a long time friend of my TG brother is also struggling with these things.

I figure, if my parents can be fine with all of this (they don't like the boyfriend, and frankly, neither do I, but don't say they approve or disapprove) it bothers me that my younger brother is so inflexible on the subject. And thinks he should just say whatever cruel thing is in his mind. I remember that age though...when you figure you've got it pretty well figured out, and think you know better than everyone. I'm hoping he'll grow out of it. But meanwhile, my TG brother, who has suffered with serious drug addiction, depression, and managed to survive despite all of this, is being told he is 'wrong' by his own family. Albeit just one member.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to even speak to my self-righteous brother, and I don't know how to negate the hurtful things he has said to my TG brother. ARRRGHHH!! Advice!!!

I don't want to even speak to my self-righteous brother, and I don't know how to negate the hurtful things he has said to my TG brother. ARRRGHHH!! Advice!!!

Very simple, providing that your words will carry weight with your TG brother.

"You are, who you are. You make yourself who you will become, not me, not the brother (the other one), not your parents, no-one. Those who cast aspersions on you, do not have enough confidence in themselves to accept those different from them. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't need the approval of others, and their words and attitudes hold no more weight than the air it took to form those words."

Very simple, providing that your words will carry weight with your TG brother.

"You are, who you are. You make yourself who you will become, not me, not the brother (the other one), not your parents, no-one. Those who cast aspersions on you, do not have enough confidence in themselves to accept those different from them. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't need the approval of others, and their words and attitudes hold no more weight than the air it took to form those words."
This is kind of the way I was considering tackling it. I don't want to, and cannot support him. We live too far away from one another, and I don't think I have it in me. I don't want to try to 'make up' for what my brother has done by 'approving' of my TG brother. That's not my job. He knows I am fine with who he is. But I do want to make some sort of effort to remind him of this, and somehow stop my other brother's hurtful words from pushing him back down into depression.

You really have a tough one here don't you. About all I can say is try to be the peacemaker. The younger brother may need many years (hopefully not) before he can just love his brother for who he is and not who he would like him to be. Your younger brother is lucky to have you and his parents as such good examples.

There was a movie out a few years ago about two male who were on the run from the mob and moved to the west coast got jobs singing in a club as women became very successfull in the club etc etc. Anyway one of the other singers was a trangender or cross dresser who was going through similar problems with his family. It was a very funny movie with some good scenes with the two brothers coming to grips with who they both were/are. I can't think of the name, maybe someone else can.

Very simple, providing that your words will carry weight with your TG brother.

"You are, who you are. You make yourself who you will become, not me, not the brother (the other one), not your parents, no-one. Those who cast aspersions on you, do not have enough confidence in themselves to accept those different from them. If you have confidence in yourself, you don't need the approval of others, and their words and attitudes hold no more weight than the air it took to form those words."

NAS nailed it. Deffinantly the right approach to the situation.

I have to admit I'm both surprised and not by my one brother's reaction. Surprised because he has always been a pretty free spirit, an odd-person out, and so on. But not, because he's never really mentioned my other brother being transgendered, or discussed it with me. Even to say 'meh', which is his all time favourite word. I'm shocked that he is even slightly homophobic. None of the rest of my family barring my father (who for his generation is extremely open minded) is. But he is truly insufferable right now. He figures he needs to tell everyone what he thinks, whether his thoughts are welcome or not. It's funny, because he's exactly like our father...and my TG brother in that regard, though those two people have finally learned to temper their 'truth' with respect for the feelings of others.

Sinuhue

Interesting

I missjudged you. I would have thought that if you had a transgendered individual in your family you would have disowned him. Interesting how these quik judgements often fail to be acurate.

You can't really force your self-righteous to accept your trans-gendered brother. That's something he will have to come to terms with in his own time, if he does at all. Really crappy, but a fact of life. In the meantime, you could just continue being supportive of your trans-gendered brother and remind him of how many other family members are there for him. It must have taken a lot of courage and inner strength for him to come forth with this. It must mean a lot to him to have your support and love.

Sinuhue

Interesting

I missjudged you. I would have thought that if you had a transgendered individual in your family you would have disowned him. Interesting how these quik judgements often fail to be acurate.
Heehee...well, you probably haven't seen much of me yet, and our last interaction involved a healthy dose of trolling on my part (oh no! teh gays are marrying!)

Being completely honest, it would shock me to find out a brother or best friend was gay, and I would have a hard time getting around it at first. While I would never go so far as to condemn it, it would linger underneath and cause some sort of difference in my attitude towards him. But the person was my friend or brother up to the point before the announcement, and behavior would return to natural at some point.

The rest of my family would immediately dismiss him.

EDIT: So it all depends on how your brother views people.

:rolleyes: Who cares if people are bi/gay? Just found out that someone I know was bi, who cares?

You can't really force your self-righteous to accept your trans-gendered brother. That's something he will have to come to terms with in his own time, if he does at all.
And I don't think I'm going to try. I think back to when I was that age...oh, I knew exactly where my parents had gone wrong with all of us, and told them so. God, I deserved a punch in the face...but they put up with it. Now I realise what an ass I was...and how wrong. I suspect my brother is going through the same thing. He has some very strong ideas, but not enough life experience to temper them. He can grow up on his own. Nothing I say is going to help that along. And besides...I don't have the restraint my parents have...I might just wind up and knock his lights out. Better to stay away.


Really crappy, but a fact of life. In the meantime, you could just continue being supportive of your trans-gendered brother and remind him of how many other family members are there for him. It must have taken a lot of courage and inner strength for him to come forth with this. It must mean a lot to him to have your support and love.
Well, I just don't want him to lose his still fragile hold on his confidence. And though my parents are 'okay' with this...they aren't wild about it, and that's not hard to tell. My brother has always been odd. His friends are weird. And often annoying. But so what? Heaven forbid we be judged by our friends! I'm worried though because this is kind of a one two punch...my brother's open disapproval, and now my TG's brother's friend who is kind of backing that up (he's actually living with the self-righteous brother). I imagine that could feel like a real betrayal.

We almost lost him so many times to suicide...probably more times than we even know. I don't fool myself into thinking the danger is over. And this really bothers me.

Being completely honest, it would shock me to find out a brother or best friend was gay, and I would have a hard time getting around it at first. While I would never go so far as to condemn it, it would linger underneath and cause some sort of difference in my attitude towards him. But the person was my friend or brother up to the point before the announcement, and behavior would return to natural at some point. My brother has seemed fine since the 'announcement' two years ago...and he actually knew about it before we did. But maybe he thought it was a phase? And he keeps using the word 'crossdressing' instead of transgendered, so it's clear he hasn't really come to terms with it. I understand that it can be disturbing. I caught myself wondering this Christmas if my TG brother should have dressed male in front of my girls, then gave myself a mental slap. Better that they grow up used to it:).

The rest of my family would immediately dismiss him.

EDIT: So it all depends on how your brother views people.Yeah...my brother is more than the sum of his family...the rest of us seem okay with things, but he quite obviously is not. Ah well.

:rolleyes: Who cares if people are bi/gay? Just found out that someone I know was bi, who cares?
But you see, if my brother were just bi or gay, it probably wouldn't be such a big deal. But my brother is transgendered. That is, he was born male, but feels female. He dresses female. THAT is what is the sticking point, more than anything. Seriously. My family suspected for a while that my brother might be gay, and came to terms with the idea pretty quickly, but this was more than we expected or understood at the time. And it's clear that one of my brothers at least still does not understand the difference between crossdressing, and feeling female.

Perhaps your self-righteous brother has had secret doubts about his own identity, and rather than deal with his personal issues, he's instead projecting his anxieties and self-loathing onto your transgendered sibling.

Wouldn't be the first time it's happened.

Perhaps your self-righteous brother has had secret doubts about his own identity, and rather than deal with his personal issues, he's instead projecting his anxieties and self-loathing onto your transgendered sibling.

Wouldn't be the first time it's happened.
Ay...there's a can of worms I don't want to open if it's true!

Yikes.

Perhaps everyone in the family should sit and talk to your younger brother about accepting.

Perhaps everyone in the family should sit and talk to your younger brother about accepting.
I think that in the frame of mind he's in, that would piss him off terribly, and probably cause him to be an even bigger prick than he is.

I do approve your young brother tought ... A transexual (gay) is not very natural ... we do not have to accept it ... I'm not telling to kill him, torture him or harm him, but this is not tolerable.

I can be friend with a gay of transexual, (you can be friend with someone even if you disaprove some of their choice) but I'll never accept this choice they made, only because it is not natural and does not allow humanity to grow... So I do think the same for people who don't want childrens ... It's all about them, they want everything for themselves ...

We have to fight against the Me Myself and I syndrome ...

I do approve your young brother tought ... A transexual (gay) is not very natural ... we do not have to accept it ... I'm not telling to kill him, torture him or harm him, but this is not tolerable. I was waiting for this.

There is a difference between not accepting, and being a douchebag and telling someone they are wrong, and everything about them is wrong, and you don't want to be around them because they are wrong. Some things you need to keep to yourself.

I can be friend with a gay of transexual, (you can be friend with someone even if you disaprove some of their choice) but I'll never accept this choice they made, only because it is not natural and does not allow humanity to grow... So I do think the same for people who don't want childrens ... It's all about them, they want everything for themselves ...


This is different than the situation described. My younger brother wants little or no contact with my TG brother because he is TG and/or gay/bi.

I might just wind up and knock his lights out. Better to stay away.

It would be better that way if you don't strike first. Violence has a tendency to enforce negative views.


Well, I just don't want him to lose his still fragile hold on his confidence.

He won't. So long as you assure him that he is his own self and that at the very least, you accept him for what he is, he won't lose it. However, do not overdo it on the acceptance. Just as he must learn to accept himself for what he is, it is only he who can take those steps. You can provide encouragement, but no more.

It would also help if he can get a goal in life to aim for, be it a short term or long term goal. Having something to aim for can often help one past these crisis.

It would also help if he can get a goal in life to aim for, be it a short term or long term goal. Having something to aim for can often help one past these crisis.
Well, he's finally gone back to school...he entered University this year, and that is a very positive change.

I have no advice, as I have people in my family who are like that with me. If you find a way to deal with them, other than not giving a crap which is what I'm doing now, let me know! ;)

This is different than the situation described. My younger brother wants little or no contact with my TG brother because he is TG and/or gay/bi.I think you've got to give your little brother at least a little hell over this--he can choose friends, he can choose who to hang with, and he can even choose to be a homophobe if he wants to, but he can't choose family. We're all stuck with family, and that's too important a bond to piss away over something as stupid as an individual's sexuality.

One, he didn't like the boyfriend, and was uncomfortable with the idea that his brother is either gay or bisexual. Two, he doesn't like the roomate, but he's 21 and going through a very inflexible, very judgemental phase. Three, he does not 'approve' of what he calls my brother's 'crossdressing'. Clearly he does not understand the difference between crossdressing and being transgendered, which is another barrier.
Sounds like the young brother is just throwing a tantrum. (funny, at 21 he's older than I am)

My brother has seemed fine since the 'announcement' two years ago...and he actually knew about it before we did. But maybe he thought it was a phase? And he keeps using the word 'crossdressing' instead of transgendered, so it's clear he hasn't really come to terms with it. I understand that it can be disturbing.

sinuhue? you confuse me on several points here=this thread, the quote is just to remind myself of all i wanted to say.

a) maybe it is because i am sensitive on this subject, but the very first thing i noticed in you OP is how you kept refering to your "TG brother" as "he" and "brother" etc. male pronouns and things, you catch my drift. having foloowed your posting for quite as while already, i'm far from assuming you'd do this for non-accpetance of his choice/feelings, but am doumbfounded as to why else, then.

b) funnily enough, you add to the confusion in the above quote by saying how he uses "crossdressing". you said so very convincingly how he were TG, and "feels like a woman" and all- if he doesn't say so himself, how can you say that so surely? (i hope you get i'm not picking on you, your wording, or your perception. i'm just confused.)

as for the OQ- i ahte to say this, but with 1 out of, what, 4?, bad/good reactions your brother is pretty damn well off for a Tg person. i think all you can do, and should do, is tell him that you are fine with whatever it is he feels, and tell the other how much you disagree.

*and i know i used "he" all the time, too. i needed to decide for something, and so i go with what you said.

So you value one brother's opinion over another. Get over it. He has a right to choose his own values. It sounds to me like you confronted your brother and forced him to discuss his position with you. If you don't like it - tough shit. You attitude towards him is no less judgemental than his attitude towards your confused brother.

You attitude towards him is no less judgemental than his attitude towards your confused brother.

there is a difference between confronting somebody for what he inevitable is, and confronting somebody for what he thinks.

one thing is fair game, and thing isn't. guess which is which.

The title doesn't tell you much...this is the situation. One of my brothers is transgendered. He finally opened up about this to the whole family about two years ago. He's slowly getting to the point where he feels comfortable enough being female around us when we get together as a family. His sexuality is a bit in the air...he's dated girls, but is currently seeing a guy. Anyway, this Christmas, he brought his boyfriend and his female roomate over, and one of my brothers didn't show up to eat with us. I knew why. One, he didn't like the boyfriend, and was uncomfortable with the idea that his brother is either gay or bisexual. Two, he doesn't like the roomate, but he's 21 and going through a very inflexible, very judgemental phase. Three, he does not 'approve' of what he calls my brother's 'crossdressing'. Clearly he does not understand the difference between crossdressing and being transgendered, which is another barrier.

Well, my brothers talked a bit before they went home, and the self-righteous brother decided to lay it all out about how he did not 'approve' of my transgendered brother's lifestyle, his friends, the way he lives, who he is. Apparently a long time friend of my TG brother is also struggling with these things.

I figure, if my parents can be fine with all of this (they don't like the boyfriend, and frankly, neither do I, but don't say they approve or disapprove) it bothers me that my younger brother is so inflexible on the subject. And thinks he should just say whatever cruel thing is in his mind. I remember that age though...when you figure you've got it pretty well figured out, and think you know better than everyone. I'm hoping he'll grow out of it. But meanwhile, my TG brother, who has suffered with serious drug addiction, depression, and managed to survive despite all of this, is being told he is 'wrong' by his own family. Albeit just one member.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to even speak to my self-righteous brother, and I don't know how to negate the hurtful things he has said to my TG brother. ARRRGHHH!! Advice!!!
It would seem you have two brothers who are in need of your understanding, not just one.

One of the posters pointed out that your srb (self-righteous brother) might be projecting... and I'm inclined to agree, TO AN EXTENT.

What I think is most likely happening, is that your 'srb' is taking your tgbs (trans-gendered brother/sister) as a comment on HIMSELF.

Not necessarily that it is reflecting some transgender or alternate-orientation in your 'srb', but that it is magnifying insecurities he may already have.

Perhaps the way to deal with it, is to point out to your 'srb', that THIS is the signal that his reactions is sending?

You know, take him to one side (if that is a geographical possibility), and point out that his actions are making him look like he is insecure about his own sexuality.

You know, take him to one side (if that is a geographical possibility), and point out that his actions are making him look like he is insecure about his own sexuality.
However he "looks" to people is the way they seem him. That is not his doing, and trying to amend his behaviour so that they see him better is not the way to go.

What needs to be addressed are the reasons for his setting this boundary as his 'comfort level'. Then people can begin to accommodate his comfort level.

If brother #1, cant accept brother #2's lifestyle choices, then brother #1, is a self-righteous piece of shit, and should be ignored at all costs.

If there is one person on the planet whom you should always support, its your own brother.
To not to so.....makes you a piece of shit.

Period.

However he "looks" to people is the way they seem him. That is not his doing, and trying to amend his behaviour so that they see him better is not the way to go.

What needs to be addressed are the reasons for his setting this boundary as his 'comfort level'. Then people can begin to accommodate his comfort level.

You may be missing the point.

First: if it is pointed out to the brother how it is making him appear, he may appear less vocal in that direction - which can only help, with reference to the possible effects on the self-confidence of the other brother (sister).

He is less likely to be tempted to suicide, if his own brother isn't saying evil stuff to him - and that, I think, is most important, no?

Second: The attitude adjustment part, is perhaps the second-most important factor. If the 'srb' could show some empathy, half of the problem would disappear. But how do you persuade the 'srb' to examine their attitudes?

To my mind, ONE way to make him examine himself... is to show him how he appears to others.

sinuhue? you confuse me on several points here=this thread, the quote is just to remind myself of all i wanted to say.

a) maybe it is because i am sensitive on this subject, but the very first thing i noticed in you OP is how you kept refering to your "TG brother" as "he" and "brother" etc. male pronouns and things, you catch my drift. having foloowed your posting for quite as while already, i'm far from assuming you'd do this for non-accpetance of his choice/feelings, but am doumbfounded as to why else, then. To keep things from getting confusing for the people I talk to. I suppose I could say my TG sibling...but he actually doesn't mind being referred to as 'he' when he's outwardly male...and expects 'she' when he's outwardly female. So I use both quite often, and refer to him as her or she or my sister as often in RL as I do in the male sense.

b) funnily enough, you add to the confusion in the above quote by saying how he uses "crossdressing". you said so very convincingly how he were TG, and "feels like a woman" and all- if he doesn't say so himself, how can you say that so surely? (i hope you get i'm not picking on you, your wording, or your perception. i'm just confused.) See, I was trying to avoid confusion, but it just got more confusing because the brother I referred to there is the non-TG brother...who says my TG sibling is a crossdresser. But he isn't. He's transgendered. Oh...and that's part of why I don't say 'she'...because if I say 'she's transgendered' people assume I have a sibling that was born female, but gendered male.

as for the OQ- i ahte to say this, but with 1 out of, what, 4?, bad/good reactions your brother is pretty damn well off for a Tg person. i think all you can do, and should do, is tell him that you are fine with whatever it is he feels, and tell the other how much you disagree. True...it's actually 1 out of six (immediate family). Still...people tend to focus on the negative more than the positive...

*and i know i used "he" all the time, too. i needed to decide for something, and so i go with what you said.
I'm going to stick with 'he' for now.

So you value one brother's opinion over another. Get over it. He has a right to choose his own values. It sounds to me like you confronted your brother and forced him to discuss his position with you. If you don't like it - tough shit. You attitude towards him is no less judgemental than his attitude towards your confused brother.
I thought you left.

It would seem you have two brothers who are in need of your understanding, not just one.
Zis is true. But I'm disinclined to support the one who has it pretty damn easy.

What I think is most likely happening, is that your 'srb' is taking your tgbs (trans-gendered brother/sister) as a comment on HIMSELF. I agree in the sense that I think he's uncomfortable around my TG sib, and probably gets bugged about him by his friends, and that this bothers him. I don't actually think my non-TG brother has issues with his own sexuality.

I cant read all this.

Just wanted to say-Welcome back.:fluffle:

it bothers me that my younger brother is so inflexible on the subject. And thinks he should just say whatever cruel thing is in his mind.

I support your "inflexible" brother.

If brother #1, cant accept brother #2's lifestyle choices, then brother #1, is a self-righteous piece of shit, and should be ignored at all costs.

If there is one person on the planet whom you should always support, its your own brother.
To not to so.....makes you a piece of shit.

Period.
But, that advice is contradictory! If I don't support my one brother in his dislike of my TG sib's lifestyle choice, then I am not supporting my brother, when you say I should always support my brother!

If brother #1, cant accept brother #2's lifestyle choices, then brother #1, is a self-righteous piece of shit, and should be ignored at all costs.

If there is one person on the planet whom you should always support, its your own brother.
To not to so.....makes you a piece of shit.

Period.

Umm. . .okay, that really doesn't make sense.

one of my older brothers is gay, but its really nothing like this. everyone in the family knows it (well none of us live together anymore), and we were exception of it, there was never anything close to cross dressing, or transgeneder...ism (just tight pants). he never brought boy friends home, and never has been in a serious relationship (hes 24 now), so these arent really issues we had to deal with, but i get the feeling a similar situation might have occured in my household with my mother/another brother being quite......'self righteous', and i know it would make me uncomfortable...

one of my older brothers is gay, but its really nothing like this. everyone in the family knows it (well none of us live together anymore), and we were exception of it, there was never anything close to cross dressing, or transgeneder...ism (just tight pants). he never brought boy friends home, and never has been in a serious relationship (hes 24 now), so these arent really issues we had to deal with, but i get the feeling a similar situation might have occured in my household with my mother/another brother being quite......'self righteous', and i know it would make me uncomfortable...
It tells you something when my mother confided in me one day, "I wish he was just gay...that would be so much easier".

If brother #1, cant accept brother #2's lifestyle choices, then brother #1, is a self-righteous piece of shit, and should be ignored at all costs.

If there is one person on the planet whom you should always support, its your own brother.
To not to so.....makes you a piece of shit.

Period.

I agree about supporting your own brother. While I havent had a situation like Sin is describing, we have had other trials and tribulations-I like to think I would continue to stand behind either of my brothers, no matter what.
I'm the oldest and the big brother feeling of guiding and protecting has never diminished, even though we are all in our 30s now.

It tells you something when my mother confided in me one day, "I wish he was just gay...that would be so much easier".
ya...for sure, at least things are clear cut then. i think your dilema really has 2 sides to it (though i may simply not know enough, and could be wrong here), i agree entirely that your brother who refuses to accept your transgender brother is out of line, at the least he should show some respect for his choices, not mouth off etc.etc.
however, could it be the case that your transgender brother is asking for too much? although i agree that its good/alright for him to make his own life choices, does he maybe flaunt them around your family? could he be a little more subtle or discreet etc? its something to consider maybe talking about with him as a family, saying 'this or that in particular makes some of us uncomfortable, and although were ok with who you are, wed appreciate it if you were also respectful of this'? just a thought

I'm the oldest and the big brother feeling of guiding and protecting has never diminished, even though we are all in our 30s now.
I'm the oldest, and the feeling of bossing and intimidating my brothers has never diminished. Even though they are all on average above six feet tall, fairly stocky, and I'm lucky to hit 5 feet.

I'm the oldest, and the feeling of bossing and intimidating my brothers has never diminished. Even though they are all on average above six feet tall, fairly stocky, and I'm lucky to hit 5 feet.
hmm how many/how old are all your brothers?
ive got lots i know that
stephan=15 (stepbrother) me = 18 andrew = 19 Raphael = 20 (stepbrother) ken = 24 (gay one) Jon = 26
we dont all live on the same continent though, and only steph is still at home, some of us in vancouver Canada, saskatchewan Canada, im in Ontario Canada, san diego calif., near vitoria in brasil

hmm how many/how old are all your brothers?
ive got lots i know that
stephan=15 (stepbrother) me = 18 andrew = 19 Raphael = 20 (stepbrother) ken = 24 (gay one) Jon = 26
we dont all live on the same continent though, and only steph is still at home, some of us in vancouver Canada, saskatchewan Canada, im in Ontario Canada, san diego calif., near vitoria in brasil
4 brothers, all younger than me. The youngest is 8 and a half years my junior.

this situation is a toughy but I suspect that what you feel you should do are already pretty well thought through and trumps any lame ideas I might have.

good luck!

ya...for sure, at least things are clear cut then. i think your dilema really has 2 sides to it (though i may simply not know enough, and could be wrong here), i agree entirely that your brother who refuses to accept your transgender brother is out of line, at the least he should show some respect for his choices, not mouth off etc.etc.
however, could it be the case that your transgender brother is asking for too much? although i agree that its good/alright for him to make his own life choices, does he maybe flaunt them around your family? could he be a little more subtle or discreet etc? its something to consider maybe talking about with him as a family, saying 'this or that in particular makes some of us uncomfortable, and although were ok with who you are, wed appreciate it if you were also respectful of this'? just a thought


So you want them to say, "We are ok with who you are, but could you please not be yourself around us, because parts of who you are bother us"?

That doesn't exactly sound like being, "Ok with who you are," does it?


As for the original question, I think Sin has gotten a lot of good advice. Remain supportive of your TG brother and make sure he knows that he is loved and accepted by you, no matter what anyone else says- nothing should change in that regard.

The only thing I would add is that you have to be careful, even though you are angry, not to badmouth your other brother, not even to your TG brother. Chances are that he will eventually come to terms with all of this, albeit in his own way and at his own pace. He may never fully approve, but he will most likely become more tolerant and less vocal. Hopefully, they will eventually get along just fine - and you'll regret it if anything you have said opens up a further divide for him to overcome.

its something to consider maybe talking about with him as a family, saying 'this or that in particular makes some of us uncomfortable, and although were ok with who you are, wed appreciate it if you were also respectful of this'? just a thought
The only way my TG sib could 'be respectful' of this would be to dress male, and pretend he didn't have a boyfriend. Which is not really going to help things. We don't ask the other brother to take out his piercings, comb his hair, pull up his pants, and not date a tramp...:D

The only way my TG sib could 'be respectful' of this would be to dress male, and pretend he didn't have a boyfriend. Which is not really going to help things. We don't ask the other brother to take out his piercings, comb his hair, pull up his pants, and not date a tramp...:D
sorry if i offended at all, dont really know the whole situation as i said, but i do believe theres always room for either/both compromise or understanding, and if theres anything i believe in its discussing problems.
either way, tell him to pull up his pants!

sorry if i offended at all, dont really know the whole situation as i said, but i do believe theres always room for either/both compromise or understanding, and if theres anything i believe in its discussing problems.
either way, tell him to pull up his pants!
No prob...and as long as his huge boxers hide his ass crack, I'm fine with his pants falling down to his knees:)