Syniks
30-12-2005, 23:59
Maybe one of y'all from NZ can answer a few of these...
--------------
“My father wanted me to have the educational opportunities he never had, so he sent me to a girl’s school.” - Eric Morecombe.
The New Zealand Qualifications Authority has made a right mess of the scholarship exams and I’m expecting a call from Trevor Mallard any time now requesting that I set the questions for a subsequent exam which the Prime Minister’s niece, and others, will be asked to re-sit.
I have therefore scoured the world’s learning institutions to determine the most important questions of our age. I do solemnly request that if you have a young friend or relative who is likely to be re-assessed please do not show him or her these vital questions and certainly in no way should you endeavour to come up with the answers. Confidentiality is cardinal.
1. John Farnham is a former Australian of the Year and is a holder of the Order of Australia. He has been an outstanding performer for over three decades. One of his albums, “Whispering Jack” was on the New Zealand charts for 63 weeks. Isn’t it strange then, that our Minister of Arts and Culture says she’s never heard of him?
2. Associate Education Minister, David Benson-Pope, quoted as saying: “There ain’t an alternative” to NCEA has managed to encapsulate, in one uttered sentence, all that is wrong with our education system.
3. Isn’t it time we replaced the three “R’s” with Spelling, Writing and Arithmetic?
4 Shouldn’t the rule “I before E except after C” be changed to I before E except after C and B (Beige) and D (Codeine) and E (agreeing) and F (caffeine) and G (poltergeist) and H (height) and K (skein) and L (kaleidoscope) and M (remeid) and N (neither) and P (apeiron) and R (reign) and S (seize) and T (protein) and V (veil) and Z (benzein) ?
5 If Einstein had been taught I before E except after C wouldn’t he have had trouble spelling his name?
6 If Einstein was so smart why didn’t he use a comb and some hair-gel before having his picture taken?
7 Isn’t the problem with children’s education today apparent?
8 Did Charles and Camilla have as much fun in infancy as they are now having in adultery?
9 Does Charles really need a personal staff of 124; just how much underwear can he throw on the floor at night anyway?
10 Queen Elizabeth has people to put on her makeup and do her hair; she never needs cash to pay for anything and never needs identification. So why does she carry a handbag?
11 Why aren’t conservatives interested in conservation?
12 If a nation gets the politicians it deserves, isn’t it time we looked at ourselves and determine what we did to deserve this?
13 Why is it a politician will always be around when he needs you?
14 Why is Charlie short for Charles when they both have the same number of letters?
15 If you want to know how old a woman is, wouldn’t the best option be to ask her sister-in-law?
16 How come you never hear any father-in-law jokes?
17 If education is provided to help us prosper, how come the richest man in the world was a high-school dropout?
18 Has anyone ever felt like an incomplete idiot?
19 Just who is this Didley Squat guy and what’s the big deal with not knowing him?
20 And while we’re on the subject, who is Moly and why is he holy?
21 There are many individuals whose surname is Brown, Green, White, Black, Gray or Gold, but there are virtually none whose surname is Red, Yellow, Purple or Pink. Is there a logical reason for this?
22 Since the Pope took the name John-Paul might his successor be Ringo-George?
23 If diamonds are a girl’s best friend and a dog is mans best friend, who really is the dumber sex?
24 How many roads must a man walk down before he’ll stop and ask directions?
25 Why is it when your wife gets into bed the temperature of her feet drops 10 degrees?
26 How come the older you get the better global warming seems?
27 How old do you have to be before you can cut the mustard?
28 Why is it inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?
29 If women are so independent why do they go to the ladies room in pairs?
30 How come when we think or refer to ‘angels’ we always picture beautiful women in our minds; weren’t all the angels in the Bible men?
31 If the first thermometer wasn’t invented until the 1600’s how can they say global warming is the worst in 10,000 years?
32 Is it my imagination or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
33 If Kentucky Fried Chicken is so finger-licking-good, why do they give you napkins?
34 And who is this fellow Gideon and why can’t he remember his Bible?
35 If your name is Will and you’re in the army would you get worried when the instructor says “fire at will?”
36 With Jonathan Hunt soon to depart these shores to be our High Commissioner to Britain shouldn’t someone alert the London taxi drivers of their imminent windfall?
37 If Aucklanders don’t want the V8 Supercars why don’t we offer the organisers Essex Street?
38 If our new hospital has no facilities for dead people does that mean they guarantee everyone will get cured?
39 Isn’t banning play-dough from kindergartens because it is culturally insensitive to Maori the final straw in the sordid history of political correctness madness?
40 How come a pizza gets to your house faster than the police?
http://www.signfactory.co.nz/230205.html
--------------
“My father wanted me to have the educational opportunities he never had, so he sent me to a girl’s school.” - Eric Morecombe.
The New Zealand Qualifications Authority has made a right mess of the scholarship exams and I’m expecting a call from Trevor Mallard any time now requesting that I set the questions for a subsequent exam which the Prime Minister’s niece, and others, will be asked to re-sit.
I have therefore scoured the world’s learning institutions to determine the most important questions of our age. I do solemnly request that if you have a young friend or relative who is likely to be re-assessed please do not show him or her these vital questions and certainly in no way should you endeavour to come up with the answers. Confidentiality is cardinal.
1. John Farnham is a former Australian of the Year and is a holder of the Order of Australia. He has been an outstanding performer for over three decades. One of his albums, “Whispering Jack” was on the New Zealand charts for 63 weeks. Isn’t it strange then, that our Minister of Arts and Culture says she’s never heard of him?
2. Associate Education Minister, David Benson-Pope, quoted as saying: “There ain’t an alternative” to NCEA has managed to encapsulate, in one uttered sentence, all that is wrong with our education system.
3. Isn’t it time we replaced the three “R’s” with Spelling, Writing and Arithmetic?
4 Shouldn’t the rule “I before E except after C” be changed to I before E except after C and B (Beige) and D (Codeine) and E (agreeing) and F (caffeine) and G (poltergeist) and H (height) and K (skein) and L (kaleidoscope) and M (remeid) and N (neither) and P (apeiron) and R (reign) and S (seize) and T (protein) and V (veil) and Z (benzein) ?
5 If Einstein had been taught I before E except after C wouldn’t he have had trouble spelling his name?
6 If Einstein was so smart why didn’t he use a comb and some hair-gel before having his picture taken?
7 Isn’t the problem with children’s education today apparent?
8 Did Charles and Camilla have as much fun in infancy as they are now having in adultery?
9 Does Charles really need a personal staff of 124; just how much underwear can he throw on the floor at night anyway?
10 Queen Elizabeth has people to put on her makeup and do her hair; she never needs cash to pay for anything and never needs identification. So why does she carry a handbag?
11 Why aren’t conservatives interested in conservation?
12 If a nation gets the politicians it deserves, isn’t it time we looked at ourselves and determine what we did to deserve this?
13 Why is it a politician will always be around when he needs you?
14 Why is Charlie short for Charles when they both have the same number of letters?
15 If you want to know how old a woman is, wouldn’t the best option be to ask her sister-in-law?
16 How come you never hear any father-in-law jokes?
17 If education is provided to help us prosper, how come the richest man in the world was a high-school dropout?
18 Has anyone ever felt like an incomplete idiot?
19 Just who is this Didley Squat guy and what’s the big deal with not knowing him?
20 And while we’re on the subject, who is Moly and why is he holy?
21 There are many individuals whose surname is Brown, Green, White, Black, Gray or Gold, but there are virtually none whose surname is Red, Yellow, Purple or Pink. Is there a logical reason for this?
22 Since the Pope took the name John-Paul might his successor be Ringo-George?
23 If diamonds are a girl’s best friend and a dog is mans best friend, who really is the dumber sex?
24 How many roads must a man walk down before he’ll stop and ask directions?
25 Why is it when your wife gets into bed the temperature of her feet drops 10 degrees?
26 How come the older you get the better global warming seems?
27 How old do you have to be before you can cut the mustard?
28 Why is it inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?
29 If women are so independent why do they go to the ladies room in pairs?
30 How come when we think or refer to ‘angels’ we always picture beautiful women in our minds; weren’t all the angels in the Bible men?
31 If the first thermometer wasn’t invented until the 1600’s how can they say global warming is the worst in 10,000 years?
32 Is it my imagination or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?
33 If Kentucky Fried Chicken is so finger-licking-good, why do they give you napkins?
34 And who is this fellow Gideon and why can’t he remember his Bible?
35 If your name is Will and you’re in the army would you get worried when the instructor says “fire at will?”
36 With Jonathan Hunt soon to depart these shores to be our High Commissioner to Britain shouldn’t someone alert the London taxi drivers of their imminent windfall?
37 If Aucklanders don’t want the V8 Supercars why don’t we offer the organisers Essex Street?
38 If our new hospital has no facilities for dead people does that mean they guarantee everyone will get cured?
39 Isn’t banning play-dough from kindergartens because it is culturally insensitive to Maori the final straw in the sordid history of political correctness madness?
40 How come a pizza gets to your house faster than the police?
http://www.signfactory.co.nz/230205.html