NationStates Jolt Archive

( From an email I got today, Read at your own risk! ) :D


A Brief Summary of the Evolution of Humankind!

Early humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:

LIBERALS and CONSERVATIVES

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Conservatives and liberals. Boring.

Many nomadic people had booze. The Inca did fine without the wheel.

Wheels are overrated. And some people make booze out of spit. So maybe it's overrated too.

A simplistic right wing propaganda piece, and a plagarised one at that.

That was worth a giggle.

One of these days, Eut, you'll have to prove to me that you really are a "Centrist"...it seems like about 100% of your attacks are directed at the Left.

this is not the evolution of humankind.
it is clearly simply the rise of civilization of human kind

however its slightly backwards

the liberal movement came first with the Natufians living in Israel and Jordan.

Then the obviously superior conservatives invaded and dominated until now.
Due to overpopulation there has been a wide spread disease known as homosexuality, a disease inflicted by god upon the damned. Homosexuality not only makes you have a strange desire for anal intrusion, but it also brought back the long dead liberal movement.

One of these days, Eut, you'll have to prove to me that you really are a "Centrist"...it seems like about 100% of your attacks are directed at the Left.
Thats because they're an easy target! ;)

Thats because they're an easy target! ;)
To be honest, pretty much all I've heard in that regard were attacks against strawmen, put up by conservatives themselves (who usually have absolutely no idea about the deeper background of various "leftist" movements).

welll this is scientific. me like

Oh yeah, I am centrist as well but I despire liberals.

Eutrusca is obviously left of right and right of centre.

One of these days, Eut, you'll have to prove to me that you really are a "Centrist"...it seems like about 100% of your attacks are directed at the Left.

Don't fret. Eutrusca was trolling with this as well as the centrism claims. Once you figure that out, it's so easy not to pay notice to them.

Thats because they're an easy target! ;)

Unless you shoot at them with a shotgun from 3000 metres, like you did here.:rolleyes:

What the hell it's kind of funny even if you don't hate liberals. People don't like jokes here or what? Time for you to drink some spit booze and read it again.

To be honest, pretty much all I've heard in that regard were attacks against strawmen, put up by conservatives themselves (who usually have absolutely no idea about the deeper background of various "leftist" movements).
Get a sense of humor, will ya? JEEZ!

That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Get more for nothing? The essence of capitalism! Go liberals!

Get a sense of humor, will ya? JEEZ!

And if the joke was aimed at the other side? I don't remember you being very tolerant about anything being thrown at conservatives whether in jest or not.

And if the joke was aimed at the other side? I don't remember you being very tolerant about anything being thrown at conservatives whether in jest or not.

All the more reason to tolerate it.

Also, you're obviously not a proper liberal. Girliemen wouldn't fight back.

And if the joke was aimed at the other side? I don't remember you being very tolerant about anything being thrown at conservatives whether in jest or not.
I enjoy a good redneck joke just as much as the next guy!

I don't cry about it, I just give a good joke back.

Talk about making the joke come to life, jeez! lol Get some testosterone! :D

Are people sitll bitching about nothing?

Still. Damnit again.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Corrected version:

Conservatives drink bitter tasting water, having forgotten how to make beer during prohibition. They still eat raw meat, not being able to cook for themselves...

(I ran out of ideas...)

( From an email I got today, Read at your own risk! ) :D

*grins*

I am just missing one small but trivial detail: the liberals were the ones that invented the wheel, beer and BBQs ;) Innovation is after all not a conservative trait :P

*grins*

I am just missing one small but trivial detail: the liberals were the ones that invented the wheel, beer and BBQs ;) Innovation is after all not a conservative trait :P

*grins back*
Yeah, but the wheel was square, the beer was non alcoholic, and the tofu kept falling through the grate.

Us Conservatives always have to clean up after Liberal messes. :D

*grins back*
Yeah, but the wheel was square, the beer was non alcoholic, and the tofu kept falling through the grate.

Us Conservatives always have to clean up after Liberal messes. :D

You mean you make your wife clean up the mess. :p

*grins*

I am just missing one small but trivial detail: the liberals were the ones that invented the wheel, beer and BBQs ;) Innovation is after all not a conservative trait :P

not true, the liberals and conservatives are the ones whining while the centrists are inventing and innovating. You should look before you leap.

and coming in second, conservatives are much more innovative

Girliemen, you say? Uh-Huh... I must say that I'm rapidly losing respect for you, Eut. Not that a rough-tough cowboy like yourself (Insults over a forum! Manly!) would care, but I just thought that I should say so.

What the hell does liberal and conservative mean here? Maybe its an American thing but it sounds weird.

One of these days, Eut, you'll have to prove to me that you really are a "Centrist"...it seems like about 100% of your attacks are directed at the Left.
There are two basic reasons for that:

1. There are so many of you on here who do such a good job of raking conservatives over the coals that anything I might add would be totally superfluous.

2. It's so much fun to poke at liberals because most seem to take themselves way too seriously.

( From an email I got today, Read at your own risk! ) :D


A Brief Summary of the Evolution of Humankind!

Early humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:

LIBERALS and CONSERVATIVES

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.


Someone forgot their meds. :rolleyes: This was a bit childish, don't you think?

I found the perfect rebuttal, although I think this thread is a trolls paradise.

Eutrusca centrist? Yeah right.

Enjoy the a liberal repartee:

The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men who were tired of unreliable hunting seasons decided to improve their situation by raising animals to go along with the agricultural endeavors, thereby having the ability to feed the entire village all year long. This in turn also allowed them more time to drink beer. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Other men who did not have the intellect or the ability to evolve with the changing times continued to go hunting each day. They would barbeque their day's kill, which usually ended up being a scrawny member of the rodent family. They would sit in envy as they watched the smarter forward thinking liberals in the village feasting on steak, baked potato, corn on the cob and all washed down with a COLD beer that was chilled by resting the keg in the nearby stream. Those who had refused to change because it was going against the traditional ways became the forefathers of the conservative movement.

Interesting side note: being that barbeque is a style of cooking that was developed by the French and Indians in Louisiana, it is ironic that this e-mail does not refer to it as Freedom grilling.

Another interesting side note: most of the conservatives who were unwilling to evolve eventually died off because of starvation, (Neanderthal man, perhaps?) the few who did survive were thankful to the liberals for showing pity upon them.

Besides being used as a tool to bolster ignorant right wing e-mails when did conservatives begin believing in evolution?

Conservative achievements include the torture of cats, union busting, drug rehabilitation for fat white radio hosts hooked on OxyContin, no-bid contracts, off-shore tax shelters for corporations and stealing elections so they can horde all of the meat and beer for the ultra-rich.

Over the years, liberals became to be symbolized by the stalwart of the American work ethic, a donkey. Strong, dependable and able to get the job done, while the conservatives are symbolized by a bloated thick skinned animal that has a head full of ivory and as everyone who has seen a circus parade knows, proceeds best by grasping the tail of its predecessor while leaving heaping dunes of dung on the streets of America. Modern conservatives (there is an oxymoron for you) tend to drink Dom Perignon in fluted glasses with their pinky finger in the air. They eat filet mignon, beluga caviar and pate but deny they like French cuisine on a regular basis.

Another side note: as a liberal, I drink Bud Light and I consider my steak cooked when it is walked through a warm room. Sushi is fish bait and I have no idea what tofu looks like.

Liberal women are kind, considerate, warm and loving people who know how to fight back while still keeping their femininity, unlike the conservative trans-testicular's like Ann the man Coulter.

Most white collar criminals, corporate attorneys, racist homophobes, drug or sex addicted radio hosts, religious fundamentalists, dictators and skinheads are conservatives.

Conservatives created the instant replay challenge in football because they cannot accept playing by the rules and have the need to revisit past events over and over until they get their way.

Liberals drink all different kinds of beer, do not suffer from penis envy so therefore find no need to carry big guns and kill large animals for sport, learned from their parents that being a cowboy is nothing more than a man playing with his food and never felt the need to be a lumberjack stuck out in the woods with other men for long periods of time. Liberals are scientists, inventors, doctors, lawyers, teachers, construction workers, policemen, soldiers, accountants, astronauts, explorers and take part in every other field of endeavor. Liberals who own companies hire the best people for the job and to not feel the need to question an employee's political views.

Conservatives are not forward thinking, are happy with the status quo, hate democracy and are willing to do anything needed to get their piece of the pie without regard to the consequences of their actions.

Conservatives do not believe in alliances nor do want to hear anyone question their actions. They forget that the founding fathers were liberals who wanted freedom from an oppressive monarchy and that is was the conservatives who remained loyal to King George.

The wild west was tamed by liberals seeking a better life for their families and it was the conservatives who came in and tried to take the credit.

Talk about making the joke come to life, jeez! lol Get some testosterone! :D

Mmmhmmm, this is your idea of a joke then? You know, you surprise me. After all, aren't conservatives supposed to be bible thumping Middle Paleolithic era neanderthals who are barely able to string together more than three words together in a coherent sentence? Not to mention the requirement that it must either have at least one of the following words of beer, women, or grrrr in it?

Besides, everyone knows that your average conservative completely fumbles up the operation of any device save for the beer keg and a blunderbuss.

Shall we play some more?

Mmmhmmm, this is your idea of a joke then? You know, you surprise me. After all, aren't conservatives supposed to be bible thumping Middle Paleolithic era neanderthals who are barely able to string together more than three words together in a coherent sentence? Not to mention the requirement that it must either have at least one of the following words of beer, women, or grrrr in it?

Besides, everyone knows that your average conservative completely fumbles up the operation of any device save for the beer keg and a blunderbuss.

Shall we play some more?
Not know what con-ser-va-tive mean. Know what beer, woman and club mean. Beer for drinking. Woman for fun. Club for bashing heads in ... maybe I bash your head in. That be fun too. :p

Not know what con-ser-va-tive mean. Know what beer, woman and club mean. Beer for drinking. Woman for fun. Club for bashing heads in ... maybe I bash your head in. That be fun too. :p

Utter neaderthal. Someone throw him a bone. Or better yet, throw it at him :p

The neaderthal is strong in you, but you are not a conservative yet. Your sentences are too long.

I found the perfect rebuttal, although I think this thread is a trolls paradise.

Eutrusca centrist? Yeah right.

Enjoy the a liberal repartee:

The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men who were tired of unreliable hunting seasons decided to improve their situation by raising animals to go along with the agricultural endeavors, thereby having the ability to feed the entire village all year long. This in turn also allowed them more time to drink beer. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Other men who did not have the intellect or the ability to evolve with the changing times continued to go hunting each day. They would barbeque their day's kill, which usually ended up being a scrawny member of the rodent family. They would sit in envy as they watched the smarter forward thinking liberals in the village feasting on steak, baked potato, corn on the cob and all washed down with a COLD beer that was chilled by resting the keg in the nearby stream. Those who had refused to change because it was going against the traditional ways became the forefathers of the conservative movement.

Interesting side note: being that barbeque is a style of cooking that was developed by the French and Indians in Louisiana, it is ironic that this e-mail does not refer to it as Freedom grilling.

Another interesting side note: most of the conservatives who were unwilling to evolve eventually died off because of starvation, (Neanderthal man, perhaps?) the few who did survive were thankful to the liberals for showing pity upon them.

Besides being used as a tool to bolster ignorant right wing e-mails when did conservatives begin believing in evolution?

Conservative achievements include the torture of cats, union busting, drug rehabilitation for fat white radio hosts hooked on OxyContin, no-bid contracts, off-shore tax shelters for corporations and stealing elections so they can horde all of the meat and beer for the ultra-rich.

Over the years, liberals became to be symbolized by the stalwart of the American work ethic, a donkey. Strong, dependable and able to get the job done, while the conservatives are symbolized by a bloated thick skinned animal that has a head full of ivory and as everyone who has seen a circus parade knows, proceeds best by grasping the tail of its predecessor while leaving heaping dunes of dung on the streets of America. Modern conservatives (there is an oxymoron for you) tend to drink Dom Perignon in fluted glasses with their pinky finger in the air. They eat filet mignon, beluga caviar and pate but deny they like French cuisine on a regular basis.

Another side note: as a liberal, I drink Bud Light and I consider my steak cooked when it is walked through a warm room. Sushi is fish bait and I have no idea what tofu looks like.

Liberal women are kind, considerate, warm and loving people who know how to fight back while still keeping their femininity, unlike the conservative trans-testicular's like Ann the man Coulter.

Most white collar criminals, corporate attorneys, racist homophobes, drug or sex addicted radio hosts, religious fundamentalists, dictators and skinheads are conservatives.

Conservatives created the instant replay challenge in football because they cannot accept playing by the rules and have the need to revisit past events over and over until they get their way.

Liberals drink all different kinds of beer, do not suffer from penis envy so therefore find no need to carry big guns and kill large animals for sport, learned from their parents that being a cowboy is nothing more than a man playing with his food and never felt the need to be a lumberjack stuck out in the woods with other men for long periods of time. Liberals are scientists, inventors, doctors, lawyers, teachers, construction workers, policemen, soldiers, accountants, astronauts, explorers and take part in every other field of endeavor. Liberals who own companies hire the best people for the job and to not feel the need to question an employee's political views.

Conservatives are not forward thinking, are happy with the status quo, hate democracy and are willing to do anything needed to get their piece of the pie without regard to the consequences of their actions.

Conservatives do not believe in alliances nor do want to hear anyone question their actions. They forget that the founding fathers were liberals who wanted freedom from an oppressive monarchy and that is was the conservatives who remained loyal to King George.

The wild west was tamed by liberals seeking a better life for their families and it was the conservatives who came in and tried to take the credit.


Also kind of childish, but still a "proportional response".

Utter neaderthal. Someone throw him a bone. Or better yet, throw it at him :p

The neaderthal is strong in you, but you are not a conservative yet. Your sentences are too long.
Ugh! Me no have club handy, so me use this ...
http://img525.imageshack.us/img525/9025/smileytroutsmack9bd.gif (http://imageshack.us)

( From an email I got today, Read at your own risk! ) :D


A Brief Summary of the Evolution of Humankind!
-snippage-

Thankyou i thought/feared this was something serious.

And whilst the Liberals and Conservatives were fighting against each other, a new party came to fore. This was a party for the people, and they called it Labour. Labour consisted of mainly working class individuals who had no representation and liked to drink lager. Soon Trade Unions were flying in abundance, causing a breakdown in soical classes and an evening of the lower class with the middle class, and the middle class with the upper class. Labour created equality. But then, when the classes were even, having no true representation left, Labour became suckups, and everyone grew to hate them. So it was that the Liberal Democrats started to rise, which is basically a cooler name for Liberals... (For any British folk out there)

A Brief Summary of the Evolution of Humankind!

you got it all wrong. The conservatives were the idiots the liberals convinced to do all the work while they drank all the beer.:p

so to conclude Liberals were lazy and conservatives are easily convinced fools. Oh and nobody invented bbq, it was a gift from the heavens!! ;)

How does Eutrusca not get DEATed?

Thankyou i thought/feared this was something serious.
No, although several have chosen to take it that way. :(

And whilst the Liberals and Conservatives were fighting against each other, a new party came to fore. This was a party for the people, and they called it Labour. Labour consisted of mainly working class individuals who had no representation and liked to drink lager. Soon Trade Unions were flying in abundance, causing a breakdown in soical classes and an evening of the lower class with the middle class, and the middle class with the upper class. Labour created equality. But then, when the classes were even, having no true representation left, Labour became suckups, and everyone grew to hate them. So it was that the Liberal Democrats started to rise, which is basically a cooler name for Liberals... (For any British folk out there)
Lager is good. :)

you got it all wrong. The conservatives were the idiots the liberals convinced to do all the work while they drank all the beer.:p

so to conclude Liberals were lazy and conservatives are easily convinced fools. Oh and nobody invented bbq, it was a gift from the heavens!! ;)
LOL! Wel, at least I can agree with your derivation of BBQ. BTW ... is that Texas BBQ or North Carolina BBQ? :D

How does Eutrusca not get DEATed?
Um ... perhaps because I've not flammed anyone, nor overly engaged in flame-baiting, nor trolling, nor spam, nor any of the mutifarous other sins of commission or omission for which one is "DEATed" by the all-wise, all-knowing, terrible-to-behond MOS! [ shudders, genuflects, then prays to the Mod-Gods ]

I don't get it? I mean I get the joke.. It's okay I guess.. It's nothing compared to the interupting cow knock knock joke but still it's just a joke.. I don't get this whole conservative/ liberal thing...It's not like there's that much of a difference between the Democrats and republicans anyway is there? I don't know...

Um ... perhaps because I've not flammed anyone, nor overly engaged in flame-baiting, nor trolling, nor spam, nor any of the mutifarous other sins of commission or omission for which one is "DEATed" by the all-wise, all-knowing, terrible-to-behond MOS! [ shudders, genuflects, then prays to the Mod-Gods ]

This entire thread is one giant trolling attempt.

Personally, I find this text a tad ridiculous, as "evolution", which is change, is totally against conservative ideas.

For all I know, if conservatives dominated, we would still be in the middle ages.

Personally, I find this text a tad ridiculous, as "evolution", which is change, is totally against conservative ideas.

For all I know, if conservatives dominated, we would still be in the middle ages.
Yeah. All those kewl castles and knights on horseback ... not to mention "fair maidens in distress!" :D

This entire thread is one giant trolling attempt.
No. It isn't! :p

Funny...yet so sad.

"And the liberals stayed in Europe while the conservatives moved to America."
Isn't that an oxymoron?

Funny...yet so sad.

"And the liberals stayed in Europe while the conservatives moved to America."
Isn't that an oxymoron?
S'plain, please. :)

Ugh! Me no have club handy, so me use this ...
http://img525.imageshack.us/img525/9025/smileytroutsmack9bd.gif (http://imageshack.us)


OK, sorry. You know me, though. When do I not jump to conclusions? *braces self for fish smacking*

No. It isn't! :p

I am convinced by your superior debating skills, sir.

S'plain, please. :)
Conservatives by definition want to conserve things as they are - in other words, they don't like change. Therefore they wouldn't be conservative if they leave and go somewhere else...considering the reason for which they went, I'd go as far as calling them people who want liberty...Liberal perhaps?

Conservatives by definition want to conserve things as they are - in other words, they don't like change. Therefore they wouldn't be conservative if they leave and go somewhere else...considering the reason for which they went, I'd go as far as calling them people who want liberty...Liberal perhaps?

No, your confusing conservatives with preservatives. Conserving means to use less, preserving means to keep something the same. Besides, this was a humor piece, it was meant to entertain, not spark a debate.