NationStates Jolt Archive

A while back, Gruenberg, The Noble Men, Lord-General Drache, Czardas, Jenrak, Pure Metal, Alansyism, Melkor Unchained, others, and myself created the script for NationStates General, The Musical: A Troll's Rhapsody. It ever moved past that, the characters were created, but we hadn't the time to finish it. I'm going to give you what we have. The script is being re-vamped and maybe a song or two added. I hope you enjoy it.

Characters
THE TROLLS

Alansyism
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/Alansyism.jpg

Commando [2]:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/Commando.jpg

The Red Arrow:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/TheRedArrow.jpg

Maxtopia III:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/MaxtopiaIII.jpg

Kahta:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/Kahta.jpg

Johnny Wadd:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/JonnyWadd.jpg

Jesussaves:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/Jesussaves.jpg

Jabba Huts:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/JabbaHuts.jpg

THE MODERATORS
Katganistan
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/Katganistan.jpg
Karmabaijan:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/3729/karmasigbig4wy.jpg

Melkor Unchained:
http://upl.silentwhisper.net/uplfolders/upload3/meinsouthpark.JPG

The Most Glorious Hack:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/3696/tmghmod3ba.jpg

Sirocco:
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/Sirocco.jpg

Cogitation:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/4871/cogmod2jq.jpg

Scolopendra:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/5261/scolomod3tw.jpg

Reploid Productions:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/2159/repmod8go.jpg

SalusaSecondus:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/6076/modling0oi.jpg

[violet]:
http://img175.exs.cx/img175/8276/violetmod9fg.jpg

ACT ONE

Musical Numbers

Curious Newbies....................... ...........Newbies
Trolls Rhapsody.....................................Trolls and Administrators
Sirocco! Sirocco!...................................Generalites and Sirocco
I Want to be a Clinician.....................Troll # 2
1337 t3h h4x0rz, 0n3 4nd 4ll!.................Fass, Sinuhue, and Eutrusca

SETTING: Paradise Club 5000. Neutered Sputniks sits hunched over the bar, old and grey. Other oldsters sit around in the back, perhaps telling old stories, playing cards, wildly fornicating, etc.

ACTION: Two young newbies run in, screaming excitedly and spewing streams of smilies and exclamation marks-mixed-with-ones every time they speak. They bounce around, giggling hysterically, bumping into each other and generally being newbish. They sing.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sung as a fast, high-pitched duet on choruses, singing solo (or with harmony, but not as a duet) on verses.

Newbies: We're very new! How do we play?
What do we do? Please can we stay?
Where do we go? What’s this button for?
And do you know how to fight war?

How are we to make our very own flag?
Only two issues is starting to drag.
How do we join the United Nations?
Here are our ages, sex and locations.

We're very new! How do we play?
What do we do? Please can we stay?
Where do we go? What’s this button for?
And please tell us where there's a war!

Why didn't our resolution reach quorum?
Why must this go in the Gameplay forum?
Why did our rebuttal get called a flame?
Why won't they let us change our nation name?

We're very new! How do we play?
What do we do? Please can we stay?
Where do we go? What’s this button for?
AND HOW THE FUCK DO WE START A WAR?

Neutrered Sputniks: So...you want to learn about the game? He eases himself round on the barstool stiffly. Come, sit with me. I have an idea. Why don't I tell you a story...a story from long ago...a story of heroic mods, and evil trolls, and abortion debates...the story...grandly of NationStates!

Newbie: When did this happen?

NS: Well my dear lad, it happened long ago, when the game was not even a decade old and there were only 120,000 active nations -- as compared to five million now. It was a time before Cogitation was an administrator and Melkor Unchained a radical Trotskyite. The NS General Elections had been we were just beginning to form the Parliament. It was a time when moderators roamed the forums --

Newbie: What's a moderator?

NS: Well, a moderator was someone who kept the peace in the forums. If someone was insulting another too harshly, then a moderator would lock the thread and issue warnings. There were about fifteen of them, I believe. There were some great ones. Frisbeeteria, Cogitation, me of course, Myrth...and after the war there came Czardas, Eutrusca, and Sinihue. To some they were their greatest enemies; to others they were their free ride; to a third group...-choking with emotion -they were dear friends.

Newbie: Things must have been very chaotic as compared to the mod-free, porn-plastered forum of today.

NS: This was the Bronze Age -- it was relatively peaceful. The Golden Age had ended when the mvoe to Jolt occured: only two other nations exist that were alive before then. The Silver Age passed briskly, then the Bronze Age was ushered in. It was, for the most part, a quiet place. There were trolls here and there --

Newbie: What's a troll?

NS: A troll is a horribly grotesque, glandular monster who preys on the torment and exasperation of others. Lacking any sense of subtlety or reason, they destroy everything they touch with their brute tactics. The only one who could defeat a troll in single combat was a Moderator. And even then, it was difficult, because they were so good at aggravating and tormenting everyone.

Newbie: Why would they do that?

NS: For various reasons. Sometimes because of boredom, sometimes because of sexual irritation, sometimes just because it made them feel better. Often, when a troll was confronted by a moderator, they would plead with the moderator to spare them, while the other posters tried to make their case for DEATing them. In fact, it went a little something like this...

Cut to:

To the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Troll 1: I see a little troll, poorly thought up usernames.
Watch it angst, watch it flame under little scrutiny --
Firefights and lightning, very very frightening me.
Admins, (oh Admins)
Admins, (please Admins)
Admins let him go-magnifico!
Troll: But I'm just a lonely geek and nobody loves me --
NSers: He's just a lonely geek mindlessly watching TV:
Spare us our lives from this monstrosity.
Easy come, easy go --
Troll: Will you let me troll?
Admins: By Barry! No! We will not let you troll!
NSers: Don't let him troll!
Admins: By Barry! We will not let you troll!
NSers: Don't let him troll!
Admins: By Barry! We will not let you troll!
Troll: Let me troll!
Admins: Will not let you troll --
Troll: Let me troll!
Admins: Will not let you troll --
Troll: Let me troll!
Admins and NSers: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Troll: 1337 and h4x0rs, 1337 and h4x0rs, 1337 and h4x0rs, let me troll!
*gasp!* Katganistan has a forumban set aside for me, for me, for meeeeee!

Kat steps forward to confront the troll.

Kat: So you think you can flame me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can troll me and leave me to cry?
Oh baby, can’t do this to me baby:
You just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here!

Troll begins to dissipate as forumban takes effect.

Troll: Nothing really matters --
Anyone can see:
Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me.

Cut back:

Newbie: The forums were actually like that once?

NS: Aye, they were more fun too.

Newbie: You find that chaos to be amusing?

NS: Yes, quite. Call it schadenfreude.

Newbie: Where's the peace, the tranquility, and the polite debate?

NS: Those were unknown things back then. However, occasionally someone would post a link to a news article with a bit of commentary. Usually it was about the War or a hot-button issue. Most of the debate was who could yell the loudest.

Newbie: Well, at least that was as bad as it got.

NS: ROFL!

Newbie: I'm sorry, I don't speak the ancient slang.

NS: Excuse me, I mean *Humour/Humour*.

Newbie: Why is that so funny?

NS: That was nothing compared to the Great Forum War.

Newbie: What was that, sir?

NS: You see, long ago, a Troll named Alansyism roamed the forums. He was notorious for his spam, flaming, and anti-moderation sentiment. He terrorized the forums. Then, one day, Lord Max sent the moderators upon him and they vanquished him -- although this was no easy task, I can assure you. They perma-banned him, and he was not seen again for two ages.

Newbie: When did he come back...and how...and why?

NS: That is a great tale, rather long. I do not think you would like it.

Newbie: Oh, I'm very interesting in history.

NS: Very well then. Long ago, in towards the end of the Bronze Age, there existed a wise moderator by the name of Sirocco. People came to him for help from all around...

Neutered Sputniks's voice fades and we are in the past.

RPer: Sirocco!

Sirocco: Yes?

RPer: I am in dire need of your assistance.

irocco: What is it, my child, what is the problem?

RPer: This troll tried to hijack my RP!

Sirocco: I'm right on it, and I'll do it with a smile.

Group of Generalites: Sirocco, Sirocco!

Sirocco: Yes, my mine fellows?

Group of Generalites: This spammer keeps posting to his forum!

Sirocco: Do not worry, I'll solve this.

Group of Generalites: Thank you, thank you!

Sirocco: You are most welcome.

Chorus effort, with accompaniment
?: There's no need to fear, Sirocco is here!
When spammers of these threads appear,
And break the rules that they should fear,
And piss off all those who post here,
The cry goes up both far and near for
Sirocco, Sirocco!
Sirocco, Sirocco!
Speed of lightning! Roar of thunder!
Never making a single blunder!
Sirocco! Sirocco!
When in their Cave the moddies read
Of those who we want to make bleed
And DEAT is what they really need.
To make life good with blinding speed goes
Sirocco, Sirocco!
Sirocco, Sirocco!
Speed of lightning! Roar of thunder!
Never making a single blunder!
Sirocco! Sirocco!

'Sirocco! Sirocco!' fades, to be spoken over by NS as we go back to the present.

NS: Yes, it was a good time for general. Sirocco was one of the most powerful and one of the most trusted and, next to me, the sexiest moderator around. The spammers and trolls were kept under control, to a degree, and the posters were free to fill the empty void that was their social life -- or lack thereof. However, there were still trolls. Some of the most memorable were Jesussaves and Beeker.

Newbie: Who were they?

NS: Jesussaves was a puppet of a poster named Drunk Commies, who you now know as Drunk Commies LXII. He was extremely religious and had atrocious grammatical skills. He was deleted by one of the moderators, though I cannot remember which -- ah, these days my memory fails me sometimes. Beeker was ten times more bothersome than Jesussaves and far more annoying than Whittier --
Newbie: Who?

NS: Never you mind.
Newbie: Okay.

NS: I defeated him after a great battle. People still remember it today -- well, those who are from the Old Days, anyway. There were spammers galore, though not all of them were bad. Colodia was loved by most and FairyTInk was even HRH Queen of General, thought it was a self-appointed title -- but prestigious none the less. Possibly the most notorious troll of the Bronze Age was Commando[2]. It took at least eight deletions before he was finally put into submission. He was a fervent fundementalist and a closet homosexual: at least that what some thought.

Fade out. The following lines are sung. Few details of the song at present.I SUGGEST A RAP.

Commando[2]: May the Lord almighty strike you down

Swimmingpool: Look at that troll, he really has no life.

Eutrusca: There really isn't any peace around here. His threads are pure and utter, sheer and open, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T!

Leonstein: There's really no substance to it

Commando[2]: I know I drive you crazy. I could post about politics, but I'm too lazy

Swimmingpool: Why can't you just fall over and die?

Commando[2]: That's for the Lord to decide. Not some scum like you.

Fade back.

NS: This person was a bastard through and through, no doubt about it. All day long he would flame and troll without any regard to his fellow posters.

Newbie: What happened to him?

NS: He was struck down, possibly by Frisbeeteria -- but I'm not certain.

Cut to:

Swimmingpool: Mods, mods he's at it again!

Frisbeeteria: Who?

Swimmingpool: That troll, Commando[2]!

Frisbeeteria: Not again...

Swimmingpool: Yes, again!

Frisbeeteria: I'll go settle this.

Commando[2]: Hello there.

Frisbeeteria: Have you been flaming again?

Commando[2]: Whatever do you mean, Frissie?

Frisbeeteria: It's Fris or Frisbeeteria, but NEVER Frisbee. Understand?

Commando[2]: Yes.

Frisbeeteria: You are lying.

Commando[2]: I would never lie to you.

Frisbeeteria: Oh really?: -This is sing-songy, but not a song itself-

I know what you said. Right on that thread
You said you'd shoot him in the head
You said, "I'll fill his body full of lead."

Your death threats were quite explicit
I told you many times to quit it
But you never took me seriously
You continued to attack maliciously

No more of your bullshit will I take in
Your actions have gotten under my skin
As punishment you, you understand,
You're unwanted, alone, and canned!

Commando[2]: You mean, that I'm banned?

Frisbeeteria: Yes, you're banned.

Commando[2]: Is there any chance that I can plea?

Frisbeeteria: There is nothing you can do. No one here even wants to see you.

Commando[2]: Fuck you! I swear I'll come back.

Dramatic pause.

Frisbeeteria: Are you quite finished?

Commando[2]: Yes.

Frisbeeteria: Good, now get out!

<Cut back to Paradise Club.>

NS: And with that, he was perma-banned.

Newbie: What about his promise?

NS:What promise?

Newbie: To one day and return and seek his revenge?

NS: Oh, that. Well, no one took that seriously. Many have made that promise, but they never have fulfilled it. However, this time it was a mistake to ignore it.

Newbie: Why? What happened?

<Fades into candle-lit room in a castle. NS speaks in voice-over, and is also in scene>

NS [voice-over]: Ahh yes...this is was Euroslavia so long ago. He was so full of life.

Euroslavia [scene]: Bah, I hope Lunatic Goofballs hurries --

Newbie [voice-over]: For what?

Euro [voice-over]: Hey hey hey, just watch the goddamn flashback, alright?

LG bursts into room with his apprentice, Colodia.

Euro [scene]: Lunatic, you really shouldn't bring your young nephew into this situtation --

Colodia: A curse upon your house, NS! I am Colodia, Apprentice to the High Court Jester of the Kingdom of Max Barry! I will succeed Goofballs one day and become the Royal High Court Jester myself!

LG pats Colodia on the head.

LG: All in due time Colodia, all in due time.

Euro [scene]: LG, do you have the package I requested?

LG: Yes, right here. However, I find it odd you didn't use your mod powers to fetch this yourself.

Euro[scene]: Well, seeing as how Commando[2] is expecting a moderator to foil any plans he has for revenge, it seems better to send the forum's veteran joker to the front lines to retrieve this.

Colodia: What is it anyway?

Euro [scene]: Hush, young one.

Colodia: Argh!

LG: Colodia, this package I hold contains the powers of dark trolls.

Colodia: I thought you said the only power trolls possesed was the ability not to be affected by any bit of intelligence?

LG: Aye, and that is what is in the package.

Colodia: So basically, this package is essence de troll?

LG: Basically.

Colodia: Then why do we fear it so?

Euro [scene]: Enough of your questions! LG, this package must be sent to Sirocco at once.

LG: Yes, NS.

Colodia: But you haven't told me --

Euro [scene]: Enough or it'll be a one-week forumban!

<Fades back>

Newbie: Why didn't NS just destroy the package with his mod powers?

NS: This troll power was far more powerful than anything we ever dealt with before.

Newbie: Why?

NS: Dammit kid you remind me of Colodia...

Newbie: Tell me more about this troll.

Group of Newbies: Yes, tell us about...

Newbies together: A Scroll of a Troll? Say it wasn't so

NS: Unfortunately, it was so. And it wasn't an ordinary troll, oh no. This one...this one was very powerful indeed. Broods for a moment, shaking his head. Very powerful.

Newbies: Was he scary? Was he tough?

NS: That and more so. Very rough.

<Fades back:>

NS: The Dark Scroll of Alansyism was one that us Moderators had hoped would never be opened. It held the great essence of that perma-banned troll, defeated by Lord Max. Should it have been opened, that power of flame and angst would have wrought the boards with such great flamewar, the very core of Jolt would be destroyed!

Colodia: Let's open it!

LG: No! -Takes the scroll away from him.- What are you? Firsking stupid?

Colodia: ... Raises hand to protest. Umm...

Euro: Nevermind that, Lunatic. The scroll should never be opened. Ever.

LG: Which is exactly why we're taking it to Sirocco, and exactly why we're not telling you any more.

Euro: Yes. Let's go. Quickly!

<Cut to the realms of General, where a tiny flame begins to spark. Distant voices, some quite high in temper, grow in volume. The flame grows larger and highlights several people, which include Eutrusca, Fass, Sinuhue, several other Generalites, and Troll # 2>.

Eutrusca: How dare you mock me! Someone please get this troll off of the boards!

Generalites shout agreement.

Fass: Mumbling. I wish someone would get you off of the boards...

Sinuhue: Eut, for once, you and I agree. Ban this guy. Or gal. Or whatever this troll is.

Troll # 2: Oh please, people! You're all in the wrong, you just don't see it yet! Take your idiotic thinking to your graves! The world doesn't need it!

-The flames grow louder and brighter.-

Troll # 2: In fact, take your mothers with you! This is what I want to be and I don't care what you think!

Blu-tac: But must you say it to the world?

Troll # 2: I can say it if I want to... I want to be an abortionist.

Blu-tac: Stop it.

Troll # 2: I want to be an abortionist!

Sinihue: Why?

Blu-tac: Don't you dare.

Troll # 2:
I want to be a clinician and lend a helping hand
I want to be a clinician and spread joy throughout the land
Now some might call me evil, but I gurantee,
As soon as that sperm hits them, they'll be calling me.

I want to be a clinician, ending pregnancies
I want to be a clinician, travelling across the seas
I am very hated, I'm banned in many a state
But I do my job anyway, which makes them all irate

I travel with my trusty hanger and my clean white coat
But when I am insulted, I never ever gloat
I just put a grin on my face
And dance all over the place

*dance sequence*

I want to be...
(He wants to be)
I want to be...
(He wants to be)
I want to be...
(He wants to be)
I want to be the greatest abortionist in the world!

Women:
Please, doctor, please! Get this out of us
We don't want to carry, a little red fetus
We had a few too many, it was an open bar
They took us out back and fucked us in the car!

Troll # 2:
I want to be a clinician

Women:
Please be a clincian

Troll # 2:
And I'll spread joy throughout the laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!

Blu-tac: That was just disgusting.

Troll # 2: And you're just a fucktard!

Generalite #1: STFU, n00b!

Fass, Sinuhue, and Eutrusca together: *gasp!* What did he just say?

Generalite #2: He's reverting to chatspeak!

Troll # 2: N0! J00 STFU! 1 w1ll PWnz0r j00!

All Generalites: *gasp!* Now he's doing it!

Eutrusca as an aside: Aside.Well...I'm not all that surprised really, but...*gasp!* as Generalite #1 and Troll # 2 continue to spout 1337 flames at each other.

An ominous darkness forms behind the growing fire.

Fass, Sinuhue, and Eutrusca break into a slow song:
F, S, E: What is going on? What is going on?
Are the keyboard brokens? Are the comp lights on?
Why use chatspeak, why use leet?
What is going on?

Fass: I thought I'd never see the day
When reformed writers drop the ball.
I break down weeping when they say
"1337 t3h h4x0rz, 0n3 4nd 4ll!"

-His last line is overlapped with a deeper, darker voice, which causes all three to look around for the source.-

F, S, E: What is going on? What is going on?
Has English rolled over? Is language gone?
Why use chatspeak, why use leet?
What is going on?

Sinuhue: I don't have the will to stop and think
Just what will happen to our Board
When 'a's and 'o's go down the sink
Replaced with '4's and --quickly cringes oh my Lord!

F, S, E: What is going on? What is going on?
Are the keyboard brokens? Are the comp lights on?
Why use chatspeak, why use leet?
What is going on?

Eutrusca: Use the Board to speak your say
That's why it's there. That's why it's great.
But when you think that leet's okay
Mods'll kick yer ass, that's damn straight!

F, S, E: What is going on? What is going on?
Are we hacked? Have flames finally won?
Why use chatspeak, why use leet?
What is going on?

<Fades to dark with deep laughing from a bodiless voice.>

END ACT ONE

Where do you guys get those South Park versions from? Is there a website or something for that?

Where do you guys get those South Park versions from? Is there a website or something for that?
Yes. Let me find it.

Aww, you guys still have the part I contributed to the musical! :D

(EDIT: DAMN! I accidently voted 5 instead of 1...:()

I remember in one of the earlier scripts, old man Sputnik mentioned me as 'A mod before he went crazy'. I liked the idea that I would be a future mod who went crazy.

well......you certainly spent allot of time on this to say the least

Do you have the receipt ?

No it's great, at least it isn't a pair of socks from M&S

I remember in one of the earlier scripts, old man Sputnik mentioned me as 'A mod before he went crazy'. I liked the idea that I would be a future mod who went crazy.
You're in the next act, well as soon as I re-vamp it.

Where do you guys get those South Park versions from? Is there a website or something for that?
http://images.southparkstudios.com/games/create/sp_game.swf
http://www.planearium2.de/
There ya go ;)

hmm i shall reserve judgement till i've read it all again (but i do know its awesome of course ;))

*nervous shuffle* i kinda thought the project had died (is why i didn't come back to the forum...:( )

hmm i shall reserve judgement till i've read it all again (but i do know its awesome of course ;))

*nervous shuffle* i kinda thought the project had died (is why i didn't come back to the forum...:( )
Yeah, if we can't make it, then we can at least re-make the script. Bigger, Better, and Weirder.

http://images.southparkstudios.com/games/create/sp_game.swf
http://www.planearium2.de/
There ya go ;)
YAY!!!!
:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

Alansyism didn't contribute anything to it. I just suggested him as the archtroll.

Where's Myrth in all this anyways?

I think Jesussaves and The Most Glorious Hack look awesome.

Alansyism didn't contribute anything to it. I just suggested him as the archtroll.

Where's Myrth in all this anyways?
Alansyism found out what we were doing and joined the production forum.

Myrth comes in act two, which will be ready soon.

Well, I'm new, but I love it. Couldn't stop laughing throughout the Bohemian Rhapsody part. As presents go, this one isn't too shabby.

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/8247/southpark1jw.png

Hehehehe. I'll add that to my profile.

Tis a pity I missed the original thread, this sounds interesting.

You're in the next act, well as soon as I re-vamp it.


I look forward to it :)

Perhaps the office party could be mentioned? And the cubicle wars?
And maybe even the TIT SLUTS and the Indecency Squad?

Act II is so damn long, I split it into two parts.

ACT II

Musical Numbers
Think About it For a Moment.................Cogitation
Masochism!.........................................Trolls
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life*....Katganistan


*We know it's not original.








In the past:

Cogitation: What is the matter?

Fass: It's that damn troll.

Cogitation: Again?

Fass: Yeah, could you please deal with this?

Cogitation: I will.

Neu Leonstein: What will you do?

Cogitation: He will be deleted; he has been given chance after chance and has not changed in the slightest. DEATion is the only solution.

Fass: Thank your God. He was an annoying little prick.

Cogitation: You're most welcome -- I can't stand trolls of any sort around here.

Fass: As you should.

Cogitation: That would be nice if they left, but that simply isn't going to happen. It never has and it never will, unfortunately.

Fass: I know what we could do!

H N Fiddlebottoms VIII: You sodomize them into submission?

Fass: ...fuck you.

Cogitation: Please continue, Fass.

Fass: Why don't we just recruit more moderators?

Cogitation: That may work, but there aren't many who are worthy enough to be moderators though.

Fass: Well, you could always ask for Myrth to come back

<Cog walks away to a corner>

Starts off with Cog sitting forlornly by a piano. The first two verses are slow and mellow, with a gentle piano part (and possibly some cello in the second). Then, with the Ooooh!, he leaps up, grabs the mike, and starts prancing round screaming the second half as an up-tempo rock 'n' roll song, possibly Little Richard-esque, with boogie-woogie piano, some sax, and if possible, some chorus girls chanting along as he sings the chorus.

Cogitation:
Every time I come along
And see that something has gone wrong,
No matter how hard I try,
A cold glass tear pricks my eye.
And of course I can delete
Every foul flame that I meet,
But no amount of modly power
Can stop my heart turning sour.

So maybe I should let them know
The source of my sad lament.
Perhaps I should stand and crow:
"Think about it for a moment!"

But no...

I'm sure if they could only see
What their word games do to me
They might control their giddy selves
And not call Jewish people elves.
Maybe they are just retards
Who do not know their words are shards
That bring me quaking to my knees.
Oh won't they stop this, oh please...

So this time I shall take a stand:
Make sure my post is fully sent.
Right now, this stops, so I say, and,
"Think about if for a moment!"

Ooooh!

Yeah think about it for a moment!
I think you need to realize.
Ooh think about if for a moment!
Time to philosophise.

There's really no need to be so bad,
Or to go round makin' people sad.
Just 'cos they don't agree with you
Yeah don't call them a stinky poo.
And let’s all please now try to see
With a little good old empathy.
That we can all have an opinion,
And that don't necessarily make us wrong!

Yeah think about it for a moment!
I think you need to realize.
Ooh think about if for a moment!
Time to philosophise.

So control your fingers boys and girls,
Turn your cheek whenever someone hurls
Those bad insults, just walk away
You know deep down they've nothin' to say.
So come on li'l children, yes indeed,
Let's follow Uncle Cog and his creed.
Yeah so come y'all, stop drooling over Tink,
Let's come on down and have a good think.

Yeah think about it for a moment!
I think you need to realize.
Ooh think about if for a moment!
Time to philosophise.

Think about it for a moment!
Think about it for a moment!
You, think about it for a moment!
And you, and yes, you, come on, let's think!

Think about it for a moment.

<Continuing on: >

A crackly radio speaks up.

Fris [radio]: Cog! There is a burst of static. We need you here! Where the hell are you?

Cog: *sigh* It must be done.

<Cog flies to the scene. >

Troll # 1: Argh! Take that you mod! And that! And that!

Myrth: You're pathetic. Away with you!

-He flicks his wrist, and the troll flies into the horizon. -

Troll # 3: Dammit! Whatever shall we do?

Troll. #4: Regroup! Regroup!

Kat: Quickly! Don't let them regroup! DEAT as many as you can!

Fris: Dammit! There's too many of them!

Cog: Whispering. Why am I fighting...?

Troll #4: We have regrouped! Where is Troll5, our leader?

Troll # 5: We need the scroll back! Quickly! Take Myrth! I'm sure he'll be very useful to us!

Troll # 2, 3 and 4: To Myrth! To Myrth!

Myrth: Dammit, they're all over me!

Fris: I've got my hands full with this flamer!

Kat: I'm dealing with the thread flooder!

MU: I'm dealing with my own personal issues!

Cog: Whispering. What am I doing...?

Myrth: Noooo! I'm piled up!...Oh God why does this turn me on?

Cog: Whispering. I must help him...but I can't....oh man, what do I do?

An angel appears on Cog's right shoulder.

Angel: Cog, help your fellow mod. He needs your help and you're good and able!

Minion appears on Cog's left shoulder.

Minion: Why bother? You don't want to do this job anymore! Forget him and fly away. You still have your powers from Max Barry. Use them to your liking!

angel pulls out AK-47.

Angel: Alright bitch, it ends right here, right now.

Angel pumps 50 bullets into Minion, who 'poofs' away.

Angel: Cog, just do something...for the sake of your friend...

Angel disappears.

Cog: But...I can't move...dammit! You guys aren't any help!

Troll #2: Now! Gag him!

Troll #5: Back to our headquarters!

Troll #2, 3 and 4: To the headquarters! To the headquarters!

Myrth: Mmmph! Mmmphle! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Myrth spits, but is muffled.

Hack: Oh no, they've got Myrth!

Cog: What?

Kat: Save him Cog!

Cog: ...

Troll #5: Haha! Now we fly away!

The trolls fly off.

[voice-over]: And they flew. They flew all the way to their headquarters while the mods were still bogged down by the rule-breakers back on the ground...except for Cog, who later pulled out a pistol and contemplated suicide.

Cog: Fuck it.

He shoots a newbie spammer slapped on the wrist by Fris.

Fris: *gasp* Cog...he was only 4 posts old! And he just spammed a little!

Cog: That's it. No more messing around.

NS: And it was on that day that darkness began to loom over the forums. The once great Myrth had been captured by the last remaining units of trolls that had been ravaging the forums since the First Forum War way back in the Silver Age. It was obvious that the attack was well coordinated because no one even suspected it. It began as a simple flame, and then the trolls made their move. At first it was not known why they had captured Myrth, as although he commanded the respect of the Generalites, he was not a mod. He could not give them access to any files -- or so the moderators believed. The moderators, after pacifying the crowd, returned to their mod cave to discuss their next move.

Cut to the Mod Cave.

Fris: DAMN IT! Damn it all, you let him go, Cogitation! How could you?

Cogitation: I tried, but there was just too many of them!

Sirocco: That's not a valid excuse! They have Myrth: do you know the size the shitstorm will be once the Generalites find out that the trolls took Myrth? By Barry, we could very well lose our jobs!

MU: I can't lose my job!

Sirocco: What about me? I have been here longer than you, how do you think I feel? I can't go back to telemarketing: that was so dreadfully boring.

Cogitation: Hey, I tried. It's not my fault they swarmed us: I didn't start the fight.

MU: How do we know that?

Cogitation: Melkor, what the hell? I didn't start that thread.

MU: Oh? Well, then who did? Who started it, hmm?

-Drunk Commies Deleted walks in. -

DCD: Er, that was me...sorry.

Fris: It was you?

DCD: Yes, I didn't mean for it to turn into a flame.

-Cog paces towards Melkor.-

Cogitation: See, Melkor, I told you it wasn't me.

MU: Be that as it may, I think my suspicion was completely warranted.

DCD: Umm, mods?

Cogitation: Warranted, on what grounds?

MU: Because you were the last to come out there.

Cogitation: I was taking a breather, that's all.

DCD: Excuse me?

MU: By breather do you mean...plotting?

Cogitation: You know damn well what I meant, you Randist!

MU: I am an Objectivist, not a Randist!

Cogitation: Same difference, they both involve that old Russian hag.

MU: How dare you insult the very reason for which the sun rises, you illegitimate child!

DCD: GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS! Goddamn it, listen to me!

-The two stop fighting. -

Cogitation and MU: What is it?

DCD: Am I punished or...what?

MU: Oh, I nearly forgot about that.

-He pulls out a pistol and shoots DCD. -

MU: There, now don't do it again, do you understand?

DCD: Yes, quite clearly actually.

-He holds his chest and falls on his knees in a comedic fashion. -

DCD: Oh, not again.

-DCD dies. -

<Cut to troll headquarters. >

Troll #3: Damn, our troll headquarters sure is awesome and secretive...here in Lancashire.

-Troll #2 points to Myrth, who is bound, gagged, and tied up to a chair. -

Troll #2: We'll give you three chances to tell us where the scroll is, lest we delete you once and for all.

Myrth: Mmph!

Troll #3: Tell us, WHERE IS THE SCROLL?

Myrth: Mmmphle!

Troll #4: That's one. Here's two. Where is the scroll?

Myrth: MMMMMMMMMMMMPH!

Troll #2: He is mocking us now. Your final chance. Where. Is. The. Scroll?

Myrth: Go-mmmphle fummphft mmmphing-olls!

Troll #2: Oh dammit: sorry about the whole gagging thing.

He removes Myrth's gag.

Myrth: For the last fucking time, it's with Sirocco!

Troll2: ...Alright. Trolls. Huddle.

Trolls 2-5 huddle together and whisper together.

Troll2: Alright. We need to use Myrth to get to Sirocco or we'll never get the legendary scroll of Commando[2] and fufill our destinies.

Troll3: But how ever can we get Myrth to join us?

Troll4: Hmm...what if we promise him fame like never before?

Troll2: Damn Generalites already made a fad out of him in their stupid polls.

Troll3: What about we debate him to death?

Troll2: Are you stupid or something? No one ever wins debates.

Troll3: No no, just watch me.

-He approaches Myrth. -

Troll3: Myrth. In a perfect world, good always triumphs over evil. But we are not in a perfect world, so thus evil should always triumph over good, right?

Myrth: Hot damn -- I never was good at debating. I'll take your word for it. Hell, I'll even join you guys.

Troll2: ...

Troll4: ...

Troll3: ...oh...uh...okay then...now if you'll just sign these papers waiving your right to sue us and our evil organization if you're ever deleted we'll be on our way...and these health insurance forms...

Myrth: Lemme sign, lemme sign!

-Cut back to the Paradise Club. -

NS: And so, as you can see, the mods were weakened, Myrth crossed over to the dark side, and the trolls had INFALLIBLE health insurance.

Newbie: That must have been a hell of an insurance package.

NS: Oh, it was. It even had a full, comprehensive dental plan. The trolls were receiving high quality insurance while the moderators were receiving emergency-only packages -- it was ridiculous! If only Max hadn't been such a cheap son of a bitch. He held his wallet tighter than he held his di --

-Newbie coughs. -

NS: Sorry about that. I didn't mean to ramble on and on like that. With Myrth on their side, they would soon become an unstoppable power.

-Cut to the troll headquarters. -

Troll1: Haha! Finally, after so many years of degradation, we will have our revenge!

Troll2: And perhaps then I will finally be able to get laid.

Troll1: The forum will be one giant orgy of blood, and unrestricted sexual pleasure as well.

Troll3: Well, the two could be the same thing if you're a sadist or masochist.

Troll1: True, but is anyone here either of those?

Troll4: Me.

Troll5: I am.

Troll6: A sadist over here!

Troll7: Has anyone seen my whip?

Trolls:
Masochism, why we take such pleasure in our pains
We wear leather all day, but we're not gay
We just like the feel of it against our skin!

Masochism, where the fashions of the day are chains
We don't care what we pay, we love to fray
If it hurts, we just do again!

It turns on our adrenal glands
Making us tremble, from toes to hands
And when we yell
Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
We're only screamin'
That we love sadomasochism
Masochism, ooooahhhhhh!

Masochism, it makes you work up a sweat
And the boiling oil and the erotic toil
Will make us shout loudly with glee!

Masochism, why we refer to each other as 'my pet'
We defile the soil, because we're very loyal
To our pain-filled sexuality!

We fill all who love us with awe
Later they regret what they saw
And when we yell
Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
We're only screamin'
That we love self-mutilation
Masochism, ooooahhhhhh!

Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso
Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso-Maso

It turns on our adrenal glands
Making us tremble, from toes to hands
And when we yell
Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
We're only screamin'
That we love sadomasochism
Masochism, M-A-S-O
CH-ISM
MASOCHISM!

Aahhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Troll1: -wipes the oil off his arms- That was fun, but my back hurts now. It was well-deserved because nothing can stop us now. Not a goddamn thing, short of the hand of Max himself!

Troll2: And even that wouldn't be much help.

-The room bursts with laughter. -

Troll1: Quite right, quite right

He leads into a song.

Myrth: I don't mean to interrupt , but what exactly do you need me for?

Troll1: Pardon?

Myrth: Why do you require my services?

Troll1: That will be revealed to you in the future.

Myrth: Uh, but I want to know now.

Troll1: Later.

Myrth: Now it's later.

Troll1: Later as in not today.

Myrth: Tell me! Don't be a bastard, tell me.

Troll1: Alright, alright you see --

-He hits Myrth in the head with a salted trout: Myrth falls over on the floor. -

Troll1: There, that's better.

<Cut back to the mod cave. >

Cogitation: What am I going to do? Everyone hates me, especially Melkor.

Kat: Melkor doesn't have a soul, so he doesn't count.

Cogitation: Even if he did, it wouldn't matter. Fris thinks I'm incapable of performing my duties and I've never seen Sirocco so pissed.

Kat: Don't worry about it.

Cogitation: Don't worry about it? My mod career could effectively be over, and you're telling me to not worry?

Kat: Yes, something like that.

Cog: I can't help it: I don't want to lose my job. I love it, as stressful as it may be, I enjoy the posters: people like Zooke, The Nazz, Vetalia, Eutrusca, Neu Leonstein, Call_to_power, TInk, Kanabia, and all of the rest of that crazy bunch.

Kat: Still, you shouldn't worry so much.

Cogitation: I can't, so that's that.

Kat: Oh, Cog, listen to me:

-Kat sings Monty Python's Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. -

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...
Always look on the bright side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten!
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps,
Just purse your lips and whistle -- that's the thing!
And... always look on the bright side of life...
whistle
Come on!
other start to join in
Always look on the bright side of life...
whistle
For life is quite absurd,
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow!
Forget about your sin -- give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it -- it's the last chance anyhow!
So always look on the bright side of death!
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show,
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you!
And always look on the bright side of life...
whistle
Always look on the bright side of life
whistle

Cogitation: You're right, Kat: I shouldn't be so down in the dumps.

Kat: Now you're getting it: if you're optimistic about life, nothing can keep you down. Unless of course you're Native American -- then you're constantly being screwed.

Cogitation: From now on, I'm always going to look on the bright side of life.

Kat: That's the spirit!

The intercom in the mod cave sounds.

Announcer: This message is for Moderator Cogitation.

Cogitation: I wonder why they're calling me.

Kat: Maybe you're going to be forgiven.

Cogitation: Is that possible?

Katganistan: Of course it is.

Announcer: Cogitation, your powers will be temporarily suspended and you are to report to the General Forum Parliament to justify your actions to the Grand Jury -- that is all. Have a moderately pleasant day.

Katganistan: Oh, my, well that was, er...

Cogitation: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


End Part I of Act II

Part II of Act II
[voice-over]NS: Cogitation had to face the music. He knew his career was essentially over. All of his years of loyal service would mean nothing to him after the trial. He had forced himself to resist flaming fellow players in order to maintain his reputation; he had tried never to be too rash or too lenient. All of that meant nothing. As he waited for the hours to pass until it was time for his trial, the trolls worked tediously on their master plan: soon everything would fall into place -- but the timing had to be flawless.

<Cut to the trolls' lair.>

Commando[2]: Wake him up.

-Troll1 slaps Myrth with a sheepskin pelt. -

Troll1: Wake up!

Myrth: I swear she was eighteen!

Troll1: What?

Myrth: Looking around. Oh, nothing. What do you want?

Commando[2]: It is time.

Myrth: Time for what exactly?

Commando[2]: To fulfill your destiny!

Myrth: Um, I do not mean to sound offensive, but that was extremely cliched, and very tasteless.

Commando[2]: Really, you think so?
Myrth: Yeah.

Commando[2]: Alright, let me try this again. It is time to complete the next phase of my master plan!

Myrth: Wow, I haven't heard that a million times!

Commando[2]: Oh, goddamn it...one last time, it is time to co...oh fuck it, just follow me.

Myrth: Okay. Why didn't you say that in the first place? it could have made things move a lot more efficiently?

Commando[2]: I don't know...I wanted to be dramatic. This could be the only chance I have to do so: I wanted to make it memorable.

Myrth: No, that's understandable.

Commando[2]: I screwed it up terribly! -Crying-. I ruined the whole occasion!

Myrth: No, no, no, no you did very well, I assure you. You simply tried too hard: it wasn't half bad.

Commando[2]: Really?

Myrth: Most certainly: it was a grand introduction.

Commando[2]: Thank you. Sniffling. Now, come along, it is time to meet your master!

Myrth: Is this a sex womp?

Commando[2]: No, why?

Myrth: Just checking.

They walk down a dimly lit corridor and into a room.

Myrth: You know, you look awfully familiar?

Commando[2]: Who do I remind you of?

Myrth: Wouldn't it be "Of whom do I remind you?"

Commando[2]: My mistake. Of whom do I remind you?

Myrth: I am not sure...someone from long ago.

Commando[2]: Take a closer look.

-He removes the paper bag from his head. -

Myrth: You!

Commando[2]: Yes, it is I...

Myrth: Beeker?

Commando[2]: No, I'm Commando[2]. Remember me, the trolling bastard? Although Satan will be joining us soon.

Myrth: I remember you,

Commando[2]: That rumor is not true.

Myrth: But you're perma-banned...how can this be?

Commando[2]: One word, three syllables: Sirocco.

Myrth: Sirocco? What does he have to do with this?

Commando[2]: We managed to hack into his account and wouldn't you know it? While my minions were there they decided to un-ban me.

Myrth: You bastard!

Commando[2]: Ahahahahahaahaha!

Myrth: What do you need me for?

Commando[2]: They only managed to hack into it for a limited time, and in that time they only freed me. We need you to do the rest.

Myrth: I don't quite understand: you're being rather vague. What is the rest?

Commando[2]:The rest is to free out master.

Myrth: That being?

Commando[2]: Lord Alansyism.

Myrth: What!? I don't have that kind of access, you would need some sort of, of...

Commando[2]: Scroll? To be more specific the Scroll of the Troll. <he holds it in his hands>

Myrth: Where did you find that?

Commando[2]: The local flea market, the have such great bargains.

Myrth: I see, and you need me to access it for you?

Commando[2]: Correct.

Myrth: What of Sirocco?

Commando[2]: He will be a host for Lord Alanysum.

Myrth: Ahw, what will happen after that?

Commando[2]: We will take over NationStates and rule the forums!

Beeker: It feels moderately well to be back.

Alanysum: I need my number two troll to help me.

Beeker: Help you, with what?

Alanysum: Domination of the forums.

Beeker: Quite ambitious, but how?

Alanysum: We are in possession of the scroll.

Beeker: Ahaha! Good, good.

Alanysum: We have taken Sirocco, soon the others will follow suit.

Beeker: I can''t wait for the time to come when Generalites with bow down to us and kiss our asses! And..<he sees Myrth> Ahaa! What the fuck he is doing here, a moderator are you crazy?!

Alanysum: One, he is no longer a moderator. He retired several months ago for various reasons. Second of all, he is has agreed to help us.

Beeker: How can he be trusted?

Alanysum: He brought me back.

Beeker: Then a friend of your's is a friend of mine.

Myrth: Thank you.

Beeker: Why do you want to help us? You already have the forums in your pockets.

Myrth: It's a long story, so I won't tell it.

Beeker: Alright.

Alansyism: And in a few days you will be on top again.

Myrth: Good.

Beeker: Who is next?

Alansyism: Whose ashes do we have?

Commando[2]: Let's see, we have: Jesussaves, Deonel, Eire Shamrocks, Flander, I hate mods, Jabba Huts, Maxtopia III, Kahta, The Red Arrow, Klamoth, and Johnny Wadd.

Alansyism: Good, what of the others?

Commando[2]: They will be resurrected later, once we find their ashes.

Alansyism: Let's get to work. Line up their ashes!

Commando[2]: <He lines them up> It is done.

Alansyism: Ahhh!<light shoots from his palm and hits each of the piles of ashes. Then the trolls listed come to life.>

Jesussaves: I am alive, praise Jesus!

Maxtopia III: What the fuck just happened?

Jesussaves: Don't curse, you infidel.

Maxtopia III: Don't tell me what to do you potatoe head or I'll stick my fucking foot up your...

Alansyism: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Jesussaves: Who are you?

Alansyism: I am Alansyism, I have brought you back so we may take the forums!

Johnny Wadd: You have?

Alanysism: Aye, together we rule and make them all suffer.

Kahta: Can we expell the black people?

<They all look at him>

Alansyism: No.

Kahta: Why not?

Alansyism:Because I said so.

Kahta: Please? <he gives him the puppy dog eyes>

Alansyism: Oh, how cute, alright.

Red Arrow: What? You're going to let that uber-conservative have his way? You're so biased.

Kahta: He already said I could so there!

Red Arrow: What about equality and all that jazz?

Kahta: Blah, blah, blah.

Red Arrow: At least I'm not an inbred Bush-loving hick!

Kahta: Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't get DEATed three or four times! I had two incarnations, I'm acting like a professional and you're acting like a first time troller!

Red Arrow: You want to say that to my face? I'll give you a shiner you prick, just come a bit closer!

Kahta: I'll snap your neck, come on I dare you!

Alansyium: Shut up! Shut the fuck up, goddamn it, or will turn you back in to ashes!

Kahta: But he was, was...

Red Arrow: He started it!

Kahta: Did not!

Alansyium: That's it! Both of you, go to the corner and think about what you've done, go! I'll tell you when you may rejoin us.

Red Arrow: That's not fair!

Kahta: Okay.. <he walks to the corner>

Alansyism: It's my way or the high way, Red.

Red Arrow: Oh, fine... <he walks to the corner>

Myrth: What control you have.

Alansyism: Shut up...

[voice-over] NS: Alansyism had resurrected some of the worst trolls and flamers ever to post on the forums. Sirocco could do nothing to stop them, after all his essence was locked in a Ziplock container. Myrth had sold his soul for revenge and Cogitation would soon face the court. There were still some matters of business that had to be attended to, corrupting the other moderators. Without them, he could not rule sufficiently. The first moderator he approached was Frisbeeteria. <end voice-over>

Frisbeeteria: <He is in a bathroom stall and only his feet, which are gently swaying back and forth, are visible.> -humming-

Alansyism: 'Ello.

Frisbeeteria: If you don't mind me asking, who are you?

Alansyism: Someone from the past.

Frisbeeteria: Oh, no! I swear I didn't know he wasn't dead! When I checked I didn't feel a pulse, I didn't mean to bury him alive! Oh, God, no!! <He begins to weep and shout.>

Alansyism: That's very, er, fascinating in all, but I don't know what you're talking about.

Frisbeeteria: You don't?

Alansyism: Not a word of it.

Frisbeeteria: Well, it's probably best that it stays that way.

Alansyism: Yeah...

Frisbeeteria: So, then who are you?

Alansyism: Alansyism.

Frisbeeteria: Who?

Alansyism: Alansyism.

Frisbeeteria: I vaguely remember you, you're that troll, Brittany I believe!

Alansyism: Yes, it is I!

Frisbeeteria: How!!?!

Alansyism: Take a look at my face.

Frisbeeteria: You're not gay or anything are you?

Alansyism: Why do people keep asking me that?

Frisbeeteria: So, you aren't?

Alansyism: No.

Frisbeeteria: Damn, well anyway here goes. <He looks at Alansyism's face.> You look like Alansyism, but you also look like someone else, someone I know.

Alansyism: Look closer.

Frisbeeteria: Huh! Sirocco!

Alansyism: Bingo.

Frisbeeteria: How come you look like him?

Alansyism: I am in possession of the scroll.

Frisbeeteria: But you need a moderator to use it.

Alansyism: I have one.

Myrth: <a toilet flushes and Myrth steps forward.> I am that moderator.

Frisbeeteria: Myrth.

Myrth: Yes, me!

Frisbeeteria: Myrth.

Myrth: Yes, ahahaha!

Frisbeeteria: Myrth!

Myrth: What, goddamn it?

Frisbeeteria: Nothing, I was just expressing my shock.

Myrth: <Looks a bit taken aback> Oh, well, that's perfectly understandable. I thought you were revering me. You should. <grumbles to himself>

Frisbeeteria: You have Myrth, why did you come to me?

Alansyism: Even with him we are not strong enough.

Frisbeeteria: So you need me to help you?

Alansyism: I was going to beat around the bush for a while, but you since you cut the chase, yes I do need you.

Frisbeeteria: What will I receive in return for my help?

Alansyism: Power.

Frisbeeteria: I am already a moderator, so I don't need anymore power.

Alansyism: Yes, but do they respect you?

Frisbeeteria:Of course they, well... uh...

Alansyism: They treat you like a newbie. I can give you respect, power, and a fantastic health care plan! Do you want all of this and more, much more?

Frisbeeteria: Yes!

Alansyism: <He extends his hand> Eh, better wash your's first.

Frisbeeteria: <He does so and extends his hand> Here.

Alansyism: <They shake hands> Welcome, mwhuahahaha<coughs> oy, I should really quit smoking. We mus leave at once...

Frisbeeteria: I can't.

Alansyism: Why not?

Frisbeeteria: A moderator, Cogitation, is on trial today.

Alansyism: On trial? Well, he must be found innocent, or else he cannot help us.

Frisbeeteria: He wouldn't.

Alansyism: Why do you say that?

Frisbeeteria: He's a goody-goody. He wouldn't even kick a puppy if it urinated on him.

Alansyism: Then he must be found guilty. What will his sentence be?

Frisbeeteria: He will be banished to the Spam Forum.

Alansyism: For how long?

Frisbeeteria: Indefinitely.

Alansyism: Good.

Frisbeeteria: That is if the jury swings our way.

Alansyism: They will, I gurantee it.

<They both laugh wickedly>

MEANWHILE, back in the mod cave...

Cogitation: I'm screwed.

Katganistan: No, you're not.

Cogitation: I'm more screwed than a Beijing hooker on a Sunday.

Katganistan: What's the worse that could happen?

<skip to the trial>

Frisbeeteria: As Chief Justice of this Court, I hearby find you guilty of an unjustified DEAT and perma-ban you from the NationStates forums. Your mod powers will be stripped from you, your nation DEATed, and you are banished to the Jolt Spam Forum for an indefinite period of time. Do you have a statement you would like to read to the court?

Cogitation: *mumbles something*

<the Court gasps>

Frisbeeteria: For that explative, I also find you guilty of contempt and you are fined $1,000.

Cogitation: But I didn't say anything?

Frisbeeteria: Another thousand.

Cogitation: That's not fair I...

Frisbeeteria: Yet another thousand.

Cogitation: I did't say a word, you're being irrational about this!

Frisbeeteria: Officer, take him away, now!

<they carry him out>

Cogitation: I'm innocent, you can't do this! You can't! It's a suspension of justice! The jury hasn't returned with its verdict yet! I haven't done anything... <he is dragged off protesting>

Drunk Commies Deleted: You had it coming you brute, you deserved it, you..<lightning hits him and he his DEATed once again.> Now this is getting ridiculous... <he falls on the ground>

END ACT II

*bump*

so is it going to be done in flash?

*bump*

so is it going to be done in flash?
If I had the time or know-how I would. :(

Neo-K, whatt happened to the play?

Nice musical, btw.

This place is very very strange.

This place is very very strange.
You'll be indoctrinated soon enough.

This place is very very strange.

Indeed.

And the sky is Bue.

And I am white.

And the moon is not made of cheese.

You'll be indoctrinated soon enough.
Sounds like a cult.

Sounds like a cult.
Yeah, NS is pretty much a cult.

Yeah, NS is pretty much a cult.
Lucky me. Who's the grand poobah around here then? I need to know which ass I should be kissing so I can stage a takeover instead.

Lucky me. Who's the grand poobah around here then? I need to know which ass I should be kissing so I can stage a takeover instead.

Fris, Cog, Melkor, Euro, Fass.

Although, I wouldn't mind a good ass kissing.

Fris, Cog, Melkor, Euro, Fass.

Although, I wouldn't mind a good ass kissing.
Dream on. Until you can kiss your own ass that is. So you need a short name to be a poobah?

Dream on. Until you can kiss your own ass that is. So you need a short name to be a poobah?

No. All in good time, my young apprentace. I will teach you the way of NS.

For a price...

No. All in good time, my young apprentace. I will teach you the way of NS.

For a price...
No thanks.

No thanks.

Meh, your loss.

What does meh mean?

What does meh mean?

Indifference.

I saw one of the poobahs. Fass. So why is Fass a poobah?

Get rid of the "sung to the tune of" stuff and let me write the score. Otherwise, it's sassy, it's brassy ... it's a musical humdinger!

did this really all happen? if it did that makes me sad because I thought Myrth was cool, and I liked Cog and stuff. but other than that me like

I've been waiting for this! you guys are kuhlio moe D for doing it and i hope you do finally put it into a flash movie. It's brilliant but i think what Keruvalia last said is a good idea.

Get rid of the "sung to the tune of" stuff and let me write the score. Otherwise, it's sassy, it's brassy ... it's a musical humdinger!
If you write the score, I'll be your bitch for a week.

I did write a score for one of the songs. You can see it here if you download Finale Notepad: http://www.finalemusic.com/showcase/upload/S0026746A.MUS

I did write a score for one of the songs. You can see it here if you download Finale Notepad: http://www.finalemusic.com/showcase/upload/S0026746A.MUS
It is a good score. I'll post it up.

Edit: Well, I can't post. No copy/paste.

very funny ;)

Blue = New Dialogue

Does anyone know how to use Flash?


NS: And thus Cogitation's moderating career was over, and coincidentally that also ends Act II. His powers were taken and his services were terminated. He was taken, no dragged to spam forum. All of the other posters were watching. It was was shameful, they looked at him and some held out opens, some spat at him, and some were drunk and vomitted on him. With Frisbeeteria in his pocket and Cogitation out of the way, all he had to do was gain favor with the others and he would be on easy street.

Newbie: This is so unfair!

NS: It was, but it worsens.

<skip to the mod cave>

Katganistan: I can't believe he's gone.

Melkor Unchained: He had it coming.

Katganistan: Had it coming, it was an accident!

Melkor Unchained: How was it an accident?

Kataganistan: The gun just went off!

Melkor Unchained: Fourty?!

Katganistan: Okay, so it wasn't an accident, it was a slaughter, but he was under pressure.

Melkor Unchained: Even if he was, he let Myrth go.

Katganistan: He tried, he really did.

Melkor Unchained: It was still his choice to make.

Frisbeeteria: Stop that, what's done is done.

Katganistan: Was banishment really necessary?

Frisbeeteria: Is it necessary for me to wear my mother's dresses and walk down the street selling myself? No, but I do it anyway.

Katganistan: You could have just given him forum ban or at most you could have taken his powers away.

Frisbeeteria: He had to be made into an example.

Katganistan: Why?

Frisbeeteria: So that there will be no future mistakes, is that understood?

Tsarine: Who died and made you God anyway?

Katganistan: Yeah, last I heard Sirocco was in charge for now.

Unfree People: You're just a newbie mod, you have no authority!

Tsarine: I out rank you!

GMC Military: Yeah, step down from your high horse!

Drunk Commies: Let's spill his blood!

Euroslavia: Stop this at once! You are behaving like a bunch of children, now settle down. <they continue to fight> Settle the fuck down! <they stop> This is ridiculous. We are moderators, we are supposed to be setting an example for the other players. It is this kind of childishness that breeds trolls. We all miss Cogitation.

Melkor Unchained: Even I do, he was a friend

Euroslavia: We all miss him, but he's gone. Katganistan, you may still visit him. He's only gone to the Spam Forum, it's not too far away. How bad could it be?

Tsarine: Oh, it's bad.

GMC Military: I heard they're all sodomites.

Melkor Unchained: I heard they're insane.

Euroslavia: Thank you all for the help....

Katganistan: I can't believe you all, you're so cruel and I'm leaving! <she cries and runs out of the room>

Frisbeeteria: Another weak link is gone.Good riddance.

Tsarine: Frisbeeteria!

Frisbeeteria: What?

Euroslavia: That was incredibly rude and inappropriate.

Reploid Productions: What has gotten into you?

Melkor Unchained: Seriously, what is with you, Frisbeeteria?

Frisbeeteria: Nothing.

Repolid Productions: Come out with it, n00b.

<They all laugh>

Frisbeeteria: That's it! <he shoots fire out of his palm and DEATs Rep.> That'll teach you to make fun of ME!

<The others gasp>

GMC Military: What the hell?

Euroslavia: What did you just do?

Frisbeeteria: What does it look like I did? I DEATed Reploid.

Unfree People: That's impossible! You can't DEAT a mod, only an administrator can!

Frisbeeteria: I am more powerful than an admin! Not even the hand of Lord Max himself can save you!

Euroslavia: What powers do you possess?

Frisbeeteria: The Dark Arts.

Unfree People: Do you mean?

Frisbeeteria: TROLLING! <he shoots fire at Unfree People and is DEAT>

GMC Military: You couldn's have gained those on your own. Who gave them to you?

Alansyism: I did.

GMC Military: Brittany! <he shoots a laser at him in an attempt to DEAT him>

Alansyism: <he blocks it> Fool, did you honestly think your petty mod powers would work on me?

GMC Miliatry: How did you gain these powers!

Alansyism: The scroll.

GMC Military: But you need a mod to do that, and a host as well.

Alansyism: I have a mod, Myrth!

Myrth: <he steps forward> Haaha, hello, old friend.

GMC Military: Myrth, you bastard, that was completely uncool!

Alansyism: As for the host, do I not look like someone you know?

GMC Military: Papa! <he runs and hugs Alansyism> Papa, I knew you wouldn't leave me forever!

Alansyism: <he pushes GMC away> Get off of me! I am not your father, look closer.

GMC Military: Sirocco!

Alansyism: Yes.

GMC Military: What have you done with him?

Alansyism: His essence is trapped forever in my fortress, he will be tortured forever!

<cut to a shot of Sirocco in a container in the troll fortress. There are other trolls playing cards with him.>

Sirocco: Do you have any nines?

Troll1: Go fish.

<cut back to the Mod cave>
Alansyism: I come with you with a propasition; join me or die!

GMC Military: Never! <he shoots his DEAT laser at Alansyism> Go, go now! I can't hold him back much longer! <They all leave>

Alansyism: Ahhh! <he DEATs GMC Military>

Frisbeeteria: Master, they're getting away!

Alansyism: Haha, I see that.

Frisbeeteria: Shouldn't we stop them?

Alansyism: Why, they have no where to go? The forums will be dangerous territor for them very soon.

Frisbeeteria: But their powers!

Alansyism: Their powers are useless. Outside of NationStates they can do nothing. Even if they were to try something, they could not DEAT me, not without the...

Frisbeeteria: What was that last bit?

Alansyism: Nothing.

Frisbeeteria: What about Lord Max and, gulp, [ violet ]?

Alansyism: They can do nothing.

Frisbeeteria: What, they're admins!

Alansyism: To delete someone you need to destroy their nation. I lack a nation, I am alive and am a product of Jolt. The other trolls can easily be deleted, they have nations. I'm perma-banned, that is why I need a host nation.

Frisbeeteria: Commando[2] is as well.

Alansyism: Yes, the scroll brought him back. The scroll only has enough power to bring back one parasitic nation, i.e. me. I am immortal, and I don't mean that cheap Highlander kind of immortal, I mean the whole shibang.

Frisbeeteria: Good.

Alansyism: Tell the others to get ready, we're going on a pillage!

-<voice-over by Neutered Sputniks>
NS: With the moderatos forever banished and powerless, he was ready to lead his troll army into war. The Generalites had no idea what was coming.

Swimmingpool: Abortion is a woman's choice, why should anyone else decide for her?

Neo Regolia: *rolls eyes* But their is a human being insideof her. She has a responsibility to take care of it. She has no right to MURDER her precious gift from God, except in cases of rape and incest in which case it's a curse from the Devil and must be destroyed.

Swimmingpool: It's not alive though.

Neo Rogolia: It can feel at three months time, look at this picture! Look at it, look at this picture and tell me this isn't alive!

Swimmingpool: It's not alive.

Neo Rogolia: It's not life unless it agrees with your opinions.

Swimmingpool: What, I never said that?

Neo Rogolia: You can't take back what you said?

-Jump to a shot of another thread-

Vetalia: If a system of private property rights were instituted, environmental regulations would be greatly improved.

DHomme: But who decides what those rights are? The state of course. Now who holds the power? The bourgeoisie. Unless there is a revolution, those at the top of the pyramid will receive the benefits of the labor of the proletariat.

Vetalia: Now you are speaking of corporatism. I do not advocate that. I am merely speaking of...

DHomme: How about....

-The Nazz interrupts-

The Nazz: I think that if the current regulations were properly enforced and the penalities in place, then it would work far better than a plan based on 'private property'. If the Kyoto Protocal were also instituted, global warming would be reduced in the long-run.

Undelia: Several studies have shown that there would be no recognizable effects for quite some time.

The Nazz: That's not the point. You completely missed.

Undelia: How?

The Nazz: You...

DHomme: They never get it.

Undelia: Who?

DHomme: You capitalists. Every time there is a suggestion that goes against your system of exploitation and inequality, you dismiss it without even examining the benefits.

Neo Kervoskia: I think you're getting a little soft.

DHomme: What?

H N Fiddlebottoms VIII: He means that you are sounding like a petty, bourgeoise liberal. A starbucksian if you will.

DHomme: ME, a reformist? Ha, that's a joke.

H N Fiddlebottoms VIII: No that was a lame retort. And this was a smartass comment. See the difference?

DHomme: I'll kick your ass.

H N Fiddlebottoms VIII: No matter how long or how hard you kick my ass, it will still never be the same shade of red as you.

DHomme: Ah!

-The two charge each other-

Fass: I hear a debate.

Vetalia, The Nazz, DHomme, and Undelia: Fass!

H N Fiddlebottoms VIII: Flamboyantly homosexual!

Fass: Yes it is I.

I am gay, and that's okay
I enjoy it every single day
I don't care what the others say
I'm happily and wondefully gay!

Some people think I'm satanic
When they see me, they start to panic
They turn red faced and begin to scream
Simply because I'm not on their team

I refused to remain in the dark closet
I'm the most open person you've ever met
I don't care what the others may think
I just relax in a chair and order a drink!

I don't care what they say.

Vetallia and DHomee:
We wouldn't want it any other way
We're delighted that you are gay
Other are jealous because of your style
And your charming and warming smile

We like you just the way you are
Just to see you, we'd travel far
Pay no attention to those who spew hate
You can laugh when you're at heaven's gate

-Blu-tac jumps in-

Blu-tac:
I may not like your life choice
I'll act against it with my voice
But who could ever hate you
People like you are far and few

Fass: Why, my darling, thank you!
I make some people twitch
Others simply act like a bitch
But that doesn't stop, not any way
Because I'm so happy and gay!
-------------------------------------------------
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII: No wonder you people do so well on Broadway.

DHomme: Argh!

Alansyism: <The two fight and roll to Alansyism's feet> Well, well what have we got here?

DHomme: It's you!

Eutrusca: Mods! Troll alert, troll alert!

Alansyism: <he DEATs Eutrusca> They can't help you!

Fass: How did you do that?

Alansyism: What, do you mean this? <he DEATs DHomme>

Fass: Yes, that.

Alansyism: The scroll!

Vittos Ordination: How did you get your hands on that?

Alansyism: Oh, Myrth!

Myrth: Yeah, what is it?

Alansyism: My friend over here was very happy to oblige.

Fass: Myrth, you bitch!

Vittos Ordination: We trusted you.

Myrth: Yes, but others didn't. Max took my powers, now who's laughing?!

Alansyism: Me.

Myrth: Yes, you. Hahaha!

Swimmingpool: After all that time we spent worshipping the ground you pissed on, you do this.

Myrth: I didn't mean to hurt you gu....

Alansyism: <he interrupts> He's not the only one, Frisbeeteria!

Frisbeeteria: Hello, everybody!

Swimmingpool: You, why?

Frsibeeteria: I had no respect, no longer will that be the case.

Drunk Commies: What do you intend to do with us, huh? Tie us to a bet post and spank us?

<There is silence>

Drunk Commies: It was a legitimate question.

Alansyism: I intend to rule! I am the new administrator, everyone will bow to me!

Drunk Commies: Or what?

Alansyism: Or I'll delete you all!

Drunk Commies: <bows> Oh, great administrator, I worship you!

Swimmingpool: What, I 'll never bow down to you!

Alansyism: <he DEATs Drunk Commies> Ah!

Drunk Commies: Arghh, you guys are dicks... <he dies>

Swimmingpool: Come on guys, there's only one of him and dozens of us!

<The trolls appear, dozens of them.> The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!

Swimmingpool: You have to be shitting me...

Jesussaves: I'm back and better than ever!

Potaria: I will never Bow down to a troll.

Jesussaves: I'll change that!

Potaria: How?

Jesussaves: <he takes out a cross and begins to hit Potaria with it>
-------------------------------------------
Potaria: Arghhh! <he falls over>

FairyTInk: What's going on!

Beeker: Hiya, TInkerBelly!

FairyTInk! Ahh, you!

Beeker: Give us a kiss! <he kisses FairyTInk>

Keruvalia: TInk!<he pulls TInk away>

FairyTInk: What the hell did you do that for?

Keruvalia: I was trying to save you.

FairyTInk: I didn't ask for your help!

Alansyism: Everyone listen! I am the new administrator here. You shall all bow down to me or you shall be DEATed. I have no mercy!

Zooke: Not even for puppies?

Alansyism: No, especialy not puppies!

Zooke: You monster!

Alansyism: The trolls are in charge now, the Age of the Generalites has fallen, now it is Age of Trolls! March! <more trolls gather> I will give you this one chance to leave, after that everyone will be forced to remain here. Ahahahaha!!! Zooke: What are we going to do...

<voice-over by Neutered Sputniks>

NS: The great Exodus began on that day. Swarms of Generaliets fled the forum. Most went into exile in the spam forums, others, such as myself, went into the RP forums, the place where the trolls would never lurk.

Newbie: Why not?

NS: The trolls didn't usually roleplay so there was really no reason for them to take over International Incidents or NationStates. It was a terrible time. The RPers were elitists of the second worst kind, me being the first. The Generalites had a difficult time adjusting to their new life. Many fot hem had never role played before and were unaware of the rules and customs of the forum.

<end voice-over and go to International Incidents>

Amerigo: You can't do that, Colodia!

Colodia: Why not?

Amerigo: Because it's godmodding.

Colodia: So?

Amerigo: So, you can't do it, it's improper and it's quite annoying.

Colodia: Ah, goddamn it...

Amerigo: That should been "OOC: Ah, goddamn it...".

Colodia: Why does it matter?

Amerigo: OOC: Why does it matter?

Colodia: <sighs> OOC: does it matter?

Amerigo: OOC: Because it may be confusing to the other players.

Colodia: OOC: What?! I think that people are smart enough to tell what is in character and what is out of character.

Amerigo: OOC:It's forum custom.

Colodia: OOC: We didn't have to do this in General!

Amerigo: OOC:Well, you're not in General anymore, you're in II!

Colodia: OOC:I'll godmode if I want to do so!

Amerigo: OOC: Then there is something you must learn here. There are godmoders, they're neither respect or unignored. They never play by the rules, which is something you should do.

Colodia: OOC:Well, what's considered godmoding?

Amerigo: OOC:Well, I think Steel Buttefly can better explain this.

Steel Butterfly: This little diddy, you should give you a good idea.
<Steel Butterfly sings solemnly: >

In some far exotic land
'Twixt the shimm'ring waves of sand
Roamed a mystic band of ten
Seeking their long-lost brethren
Many were their harsh travails
Blood the cost to he who fails
And the climax of their quest to -

A nuclear missile lands on him. Hataria & Sephiroth sing as a punk thrash:

FUCK THAT, WE NUXOR JOO!

I am going to nuke your city
All you defences are really shitty
I don't care if your ships are pretty
'Cos I am going to nuke your city

I have ten million warheads
I R going to make you dead
Don't think that you can stop me
Spies have blown up all your men
My country has more bombs than rats
And special armour to deflect your shots
Now I have a new weapon
An extra-super-invisible bomb

I am dropping nukes on your city
I have money growing on a tree
My plane's got guns where it's engines should be
So I am dropping nukes on your city

I also killed all your allies
Swept them away like little mice
You have just been conquered
And your mum is a retard
All of your artillery misses
So I have taken no losses
I have executed your president
You have to give me all I want

I have just nuked your city
My OOC flames are so witty
Yes I have just nuked your city
So all your base are belong to me
Steel Butterfly: OOC: Does explain it to you?

Colodia: It sure does, thanks!

Steel Butterfly: OOC: You're welcome, oh, and your last comment was supposed to be in OOC.

Colodia: You know what? You just go pound sand up your ass, I'm leaving!

<Scene changes to another part of the RP forums>

Czardas: I hereby condemn the actions of the nation of Alien Born, which is letting its poor and homeless fall through the cracks in its sidewalk while its rich prosper! We must end this licentiousness of big business!

<Czardas moves a lot of toy soldiers across a large map spread on the floor to some military bases>

AB: Excuse me? That is only a price to pay for total individual freedom! The people are freed from the need for government! They can make as much money as they want!

Czardas: Yes, and yet the poor have no basic healthcare or education....

AB: *gasps* Czardas, I thought you were libertarian and tolerant! I declare war on you!

<AB moves a lot of toy soldiers towards Czardas>

Czardas: Uh... I think you meant "OOC: *gasps* Czardas, I thought you were libertarian and tolerant! I declare war on you!"

AB: Right. *looks confused*

Czardas: I declare war on you in return! 120,000 of my troops with full air cover move towards your nation. And I am libertarian -- socially! I said nothing about economically!

AB: 75,000 soldiers with advanced equipment move to counter yours! You communist! Betraying everything I thought of you!

Czardas: I am no communist! My soldiers fight a furious battle against yours, and since we outnumber you, we have the advantage!

Lord-General Drache: Caring for the poor is only human compassion! 1 million soldiers begin to move south from my nation towards you two!

Neo Rogolia: Oh, and it seems you have no human compassion for unborn children? I launch a full-scale airstrike against you!

Lord-General Drache: My huge air force attacks yours and tries to demolish it utterly! And these "unborn children" aren't even alive in the first place!

Czardas: You need to make some kind of distinction; they are only alive when they get a conscious nervous system, at 3 months. And my forces have broken through yours, AB!

AB: Oh really? We strike back with...

<The battle goes on like this, with people moving toy soldiers around as they debate>

Colodia: People, people!

Czardas: *whispers* "OOC: People, people!"

Colodia: *sighs* Oh, whatever..... OOC: People, people!

Czardas: No, no, no, no, no! "OOC: Oh, whatever..... People, people!"

Colodia: Uh....what he said!

<Everyone stops fighting>

Lord-General Drache: What?

Colodia: Don't you mean "OOC: What?"

Lord-General Drache: OOC: What?

Colodia: I just wanted you to stop fighting.

Lord-General Drache: Oh......

Everyone: OOC: OH, YOU IDIOT!

<The scene returns to NS speaking to the newbies>

NS: Now let us leave the Generalites floundering in the role-play forums, and turn our attention to the moderators.

<Cut to: A temporary mod cave in an offsite forum>

The Most Glorious Hack: Rather nice of Czardas to lend us this regional forum, it's nearly empty.

Tsaraine: Yeah, he didn't seem to have too many people in this region....

Euroslavia: So, what should we do?

<Everyone looks at him>

Euroslavia: Sirocco's trapped, Fris and Myrth have gone over, Cog's in Spam, GMC, Unfree, and Rep are dead -- it's only us now. Us.... *counts* How many are we?

Katganistan: Me, you, Tsaraine, Hack, Melkor, Scolo, and a few others no-one's ever heard of....

<Karmabaijan pokes his head in>

Karmabaijan: Hey!

<Karma disappears again>

Katganistan: Okay, we've sort of got Karma, TJ, and Menelmacar.

Menelmacar's Voice (from somewhere else): Thank you!

Euroslavia: *ignoring the interrutions* So basically, we've got six?

<Karma pokes his head in again>

Karmabaijan: Hey!

<Euro notices Karma>

Euroslavia: Oh, you. <Karma disappears indignantly> Okay, seven. Well, let's count the other two and say nine. Nine mods. None of which are all here at the same time.

Hack: We must think up a plan to retake the forums from the trolls!

<Other mods make noises of assent>

Melkor Unchained: Huh?

Euro: But how can we do that if Br- Alansyism's got Admin powers? He can DEAT us all just like that!

<Euro accidentally DEATs Melkor>

Euro: Whoops, sorry. <revives Melkor>

Melkor: What just happened?

Kat: <Singsong voice appropriate to children> Euro accidentally deleted you, but don't worry, it'll be all right.

Euro: <under his breath to Hack> Vindictive, isn't she?

Kat: <straightening up> What?

Euro: Er, nothing. Anyway, if we can't attack the forums by force....

Tsaraine: ...we need to do it by cunning!

Euro: You're right. We need to find a way to retake NationStates....from inside.

Kat: I've thought of something!

<The mods huddle together. Whispers. Every now and then someone says "Great idea!" or "It'll never work." or something like that. Finally the group breaks up.>

Hack: Well, I don't know if it'll work...

Kat: Oh, it will. Do you know the primary quality of trolls?

The other mods in unison: They cannot be affected by the slightest bit of intelligence.

Kat: Right. They're not smart enough to guess, and definitely not smart enough to read our minds.

Euro: *worried* I hope not.

<They walk off as the lights go to black.>

<cut to the troll fortress>

Alansyism: Ahahahahahaaha...<coughs>ahha...<coughs>..eh..goddamn smoke, it's still in my system. Remind me never to do that again.

Commando[2]: Why did you do that in the first place, I mean you have asthma?

Alansyism: I wanted to be cool...

Sirocco: You cool? You're not the Fonze, you're not even Richy!

Alansyism: Take that back!

Sirocco: No, I won't.

Alansyism: You take it back or I'll..

Sirocco: Or you'll do what? I'm in a damn Ziplock Containter, I've seen parts of Los Angeles that are better than this.

Alansyism: That was all that I had.

Sirocco: You could have at least washed it. What are you going to do, pour me down the drain?

Alansyism: Well, no I just had new pipes installed. However, I'll do far worse! <he picks up the container with Sirocco and places it in the freezer.> Ahahaha! At most you can survive three days in there, after that you're dead!

Sirocco: You bastard! Let me out of here!

Alansyism: <he closes the freezer door.>Mwhuahahhaa!

Myrth: You have the forums in the palm of your hand.

Alansyism: You're damn right I do!

Kahta: But what if the mods try to come back?

Jesussaves: Yeah, what would you do?

Beeker: They still have their mod powers!

Alansyism: Ha! Do I look like that worries me?:
Better wait a parsec.
Ya better hold the phone.
Ya better mind your powers.
Better rewrite your tome.

Don't you threaten me mod.
You got a lot of gall.
We gonna do things my way.
Or you won't do things at all.

Ya don't know what you're moddin' with.
You got no idea.
Ya don't know what you're lookin' at
When you're lookin' here.

Ya don't know what you're up against,
No, no way, no how.
You don't know what you're moddin' with,
But I'm gonna show you now!

Get this straight!
I'm just a mad mod h4x0r from the outer webs
and I'm bad.
I'm just a rad mod thrasher who'll bash your face
and it looks like you been had. (Seriously!)
I'm just a mad mod smasher from the outer webs,
So get off my back, 'n get outta my face,
'Cause I'm mad and rad,
And I 1337...

Wanna save your skins mods?
You wanna save this game?
You want it to see tomorrow? (Ha-Ha!)
You better step aside.
Better take a tip mods.
Want some "g00d 4dv1c3"?
Ya better take it easy,
'Cause you're typin' on thin ice.

Ya don't know what you're moddin' with.
No, you never did.
Ya don't know what you're lookin' at,

But that's tough titty, kids!

The flames aren't sundered tonight,
And if you gas it up, it roars.
Ya say, "That ain't fair?"
Ya say, "That ain't nice?"
Ya know what I say? "Up yours!"

Watch me now!

=h4xs and 1337s pour in behind Alan, and the thread texts on the background convert to 1337=

I'm just a mad mod h4x0r from the outer webs
and I'm bad.
I'm just a rad mod thrasher, a real disgrace,
and you've got me violent and mad. (Watch out now!)
I'm just a mad mod smasher from the outer webs,
Gonna h4x your ass! Gonna rock this place!
'Cause I'm mad and rad,
And I am 1337...

Don't talk to me about that old Commando's song.
You think he's the worst? Well, you're thinkin' wrong.
Don't talk to me about that jesussaves dime.
He got a temper? -HA!- He ain't got mine.

You know I don't come from no black RPG.
I'm from past the codex and beyond the website sea.
You can keep the Board,
Keep the "it",
Keep your creature, it don't mean shit! (To me.)

I got hacker style, major moves.
I got the stuff, and I think that proves,
You better put it out! Flaming calls!
You got the point? Gonna bust your firewalls!

Here it comes!
I'm just a mad mod h4x0r from the outer webs
and I'm bad.
I'm just a rad mod thrasher who'll bash your face.
A real hard case. You can't beat this trouble, man.
I'm just a mad mod smasher from the outer webs,
So just give up. It's all over, ace!
'Cause I'm mad and rad.
<Trollimites>(Mad mod h4x0r from the outer webs...)
I'm mad and rad.
<H4x0rz>(Rad mod thrasher who'll bash your face...)
I'm mad and rad.
<evil!Mods>(Mad mod smasher from the outer webs...)
And I...am...1337!

We all rejoice in the existence
Of this great community.
We hang on through sheer persistence
In the face of fallacy.
Every day a new soul christens
Their very own democracy.
It makes our heart strings pump like pistons
Just to hear of Max Barry.

Because we all love NationStates,
Fiefdoms and Duchies and Sultanates.
We all love NationStates,
Kingdoms and Empires and Emirates.

: <voice-over as scene changes> NationStates was now at its bleakest point ever. Trolls ruled General; the NSers were trapped in forums not their own. The moderators were exiled. And it seemed that the only administrator still capable of exerting power had been taken over by Alansyism. But there was still hope for NationStates.

NS: The Generalites could not be galvanized except by losing something of their own that would make all of them unite against a greater threat. But, as Frisbeeteria and Myrth had gone over to the wrong side, and Alansyism had DEAT powers, it didn’t seem as though they could do much. And the moderators, too, had a plan.

<Scene changes to a darkened passageway leading from the offsite forums to Jolt. The nine moderators enter cautiously>

Kat: This is the place.

<Other moderators look around.>

Hack: *skeptically* So by entering through this passageway, we can retake the forums?

Kat: Sort of. We’re short a few moderators. Now that way to the left leads to the spam, chat, and joke forums, and the one to the right leads to the NationStates forums, the land of trolls.

Melkor: Although, it isn’t so simple. Aren’t there lots of other forums?

Kat: Yes, there are, and they’re all accessible through that door in front of us.

Melkor: Ah, I see.

Euro: So what’s our plan here?

Tsaraine: I think now we have to turn…. < s he thinks for a moment> …left.

Euro: <reflects> That makes sense. We can rescue Cog, Salusa, and the stranded Generalites.

Melkor: I really acted awfully towards Cog. I think I ought to be the one to go and rescue him. And besides, I’m the only Senior Game Mod left… <Scolopendra taps him on the shoulder impatiently> …well, er, I was the first moderator anyway, so I should go.

Kat: No, it’s far too dangerous to journey alone. I’ll come with you.

Euro: Me too.

Melkor: Okay, I think three moderators will be fine for this trip. As for the rest of you, go into one of the abandoned forums like Jennifer Government and resurrect the deleted, and then come with us to rescue the Generalites.

Other mods: <noises of assent like “Yes, sir”, “Affirmative”, “Whatever”, etc. They head down the right passageway.>

Kat: <watching them go> It reminds me a little of the old days when the Team marched, invincible, in single file with Salusa at their head. <turns towards the left-hand passageway> Well, we’ve got a quest to fulfill.

Euro: I await some of your commands. Although, we’re all equal in the modsquad.

Melkor: Yeah. Sort of.

<They head off towards the spam forum>

NS: <voice-over> Now before I continue, let me explain to you a bit about the spam forum. You need no such thing, because today post-whoring is almost unheard of.

Newbie: What’s post-whoring?

NS: See what I mean? That’s posting any random crap just to increase your post count.

Newbie: Oh, you mean those numbers on the side under your username?

NS: Yes. But let me continue. In this forum people tended to post all kinds of nonsense or things they were forbidden to post elsewhere, such as trolling or pornography; this made it a very dangerous place for moderators, especially since they lost all powers in the spam forum and were vulnerable to trolls.

<The scene changes to a spot in the spam forum. In the background we hear the sounds of practices too horrible or offensive to write about in this space. Flames flicker and dance in the background, and the halls reek with a foul stench. Bats fly by screeching overhead while, by the light of flames and torches, Cogitation sits across from Salusa playing chess.>

Cogitation: Your move.

<Salusa moves a piece>

Salusa: White knight to E3. Check.

<Cog moves a piece>

Cog: King to G5. Out.

<Salusa moves a piece>

Salusa: Queen to C5. Checkmate.

Cog: Beaten again. *sighs* Okay, shall we start another game?

Salusa: Sure, why not. We don’t have that much else to do. <He sets up the pieces>

<At that moment, Kat, Euro, and Melkor enter, looking visibly shaken from their journey through the spam forum. Euro looks positively disgusted; Kat looks a little sick, too, although she revives at the sight of Cog and Sal. Only Melkor, having served as a moderator since the dark early days when players unleashed the abominations of t-- well, I won’t go into that right now, remains unaffected.>

Kat & Melkor: Cog! Sal!

Cog: <rising> The mods?

Kat: Yes, we’re here to save you!

Salusa: I knew you wouldn’t let me down!

<There is a general rush and everyone has a group hug, except for Euroslavia who looks green and stumbles to the ground. The group parts.>

Melkor: Cog, I know I acted really awfully that day in the Mod Cave, but….

Sal: <cutting in> Well said! It’s best to have no disputes in the mod squad!

Melkor: <finishing with a glare at Salusa> ….I still think you have absolutely no practical knowledge of the Objectivist philosophy.

Cog: That’s not true, I….

Kat: Cut it out, you two. We’ve got a problem. Euro’s unused to the sights and sounds of a spam forum, having only been a mod about a month, and I think he’s fainted. We need to carry him to safety.

<They pick Euro up>

Salusa: But I’m sure it can’t have been a bad choice to make Euro into a mod?

Kat: <Innocently> Oh no, he’s been very helpful.

<Melkor splutters and coughs in trying not to laugh.>

Cog: What’s been happening since I was exiled? I heard something about swarms of Generalites leaving their forum, but all I know is that Salusa just beat me 241 times at chess. I swear, he hacks!

<Salusa stifles a laugh>

Melkor: Well, first of all Sirocco got hacked by trolls. Then those trolls, aided by that dirty traitor Frisbeeteria, took over the forums and….

Cog: Wait a minute. Sirocco got hacked? And by trolls? And how did the trolls get admin powers? And…

Kat: I guess we have some explaining to do. Come on, we’ll tell you while we get to safety.

<They go off carrying Euro between them>

<Scene: The Jennifer Government forum, normally empty, is now fairly full of Generalites. They sit around a podium like an audience. Standing in the back are four of the Guardians: High Guardian Reploid Productions, recognizable by the white uniform; two Great Guardians, The Most Glorious Hack and GMC Military Arms, uniformed in light blue; and in dark blue one Guardian, Unfree People.>

Generalite #1: <to the Guardians> Where are the rest of you, O Guardians?

Hack: They’ve gone on a mission. When Melkor, the Senior High Guardian, and the others did not return from their mission to rescue Great Guardian Cogitation and our Lord Salusa, we had to send a party out to meet them.

Generalite #1: But, O Great Guardian Hack, why were the rescuers in such great danger?

Hack: For they had gone into the darkened realms of Spam, home to demonic servants of the Dark Gods Steágo and Griblut!

<Assorted gasps and cries of terror from the Generalites>

Generalite #2: Dark gods indeed!

Generalite #3: Vile, vicious, merciless!

Generalite #1: I shudder to think how even a Guardian, or a High Guardian, can defeat such mutated monstrosities!

Lord-General Drache: Am I the only one whose personality is unaffected by these despicable deities?

Lunatic Goofballs: No…

<At this point Czardas mounts the podium along with The Noble Men, Lord-General Drache, Colodia, FairyTInk, and a few other Generalites.>

Czardas: My friends, I have called you here today for a reason…

Reploid Productions: Uh… I think I was the one who called everyone here…

Czardas: <ignores the interruption> Our beloved nation has been overrun by trolls! Are we really such cowards to let them dominate our realm?

VO: <under his breath> Yes… and anyway role-playing is kind of fun if you ignore all the IC/OOC stuff…

Czardas: And you be quiet! We must retake our realm by force! Arise, peoples of General! It is now our time to do battle…

The Noble Men: <pushing his way past Czardas> And be slain in droves? No! We can’t just attack that forum and all get DEAT’d.

Colodia: You’re right. Czardas, yet another one of your plans is nixed.

<Czardas glares at Colodia>

The Noble Men: What we must do is retake it by strategy and careful planning!

Colodia: Well said. Now I think we must send a few spies to infiltrate their base, and report back on their weaknesses.

NM: That’ll take too long, and it’s too dangerous. I think, rather, that we should enter their fortress when it’s unprotected, and then hold it against them when they try to get back in.

Colodia: Yeah. Like they ever leave it unprotected. I think my plan works much better. And all they have to do is play on people’s anger and insecurity! I’m sure some of us will be fairly good at that. <He points at Neo Rogolia.>

Neo Rogolia: What? I have a right to debate whatever I want!

Colodia: Yes, and you’ve been banned once already! You’ll be perfect for the job!

Neo Rogolia: I refuse. How about him? <points at Drunk Commies #9>

Drunk Commies #9: Me, a troll? True, I may have been deleted thirteen times, but that was just Guardian Oppression!

GMC Military Arms: For the last time, there is no Guardian Oppression! We are there to help you!

Drunk Commies #9: And what about Frisbeeteria and Myrth? What about them? Huh?

GMC: <in a frightening tone of voice, raising his staff> Insulting the Guardians is not a good idea. <There is a flash of light as the laser of DEAT is shot at DC>

Drunk Commies #9: Yes, now I know. <he staggers backwards and, just before falling, turns to the audience> Ever have one of those nights? <he dies>

NM: Obviously, no-one will be a good enough troll. For the trolls anyway grow those horrible mutations like horns, tentacles, and giant claws once they have fallen too deep into the dark arts of trolling. It’s said that Eire Shamrocks grew seven horns, six arms, turned green, and got red eyes all in one night. My plan is obviously better.

Colodia: Yeah, right. According to your plan, we’ll have to fight those things. And no-one but a Guardian can defeat a Troll in single combat anyway.

Czardas: Guys, I have an idea.

NM: Haven’t you ever heard of weapons? And anyway, while the trolls are out raiding, just how many will they leave behind to guard their fortress?

Czardas: Er, I think I said something…

Colodia: You’d be surprised. And weapons will be no use against the worst trolls, like Jesussaves and Commando[2]. Their worthless hides will have become too tough and scaly by this point, they’ve gone so deep into the Dark Arts.

Czardas: Colodia, The Noble Men! Quit it!

NM: Naturally the worst trolls will have gone out on the missions! If you were an honest, hard-working troll like Commando[2], would you rather stay at home or go out on a nice long raid before the first glimmer of intelligence?

Czardas: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!

<They all turn to look at him>

Czardas: Okay, my plan is that we go to the Great Hall of the Guardians and unlock the secrets of the Crystals to destroy the Dark Arts once and for all. That way we don’t have to engage in combat with the trolls at all, and the trolls on the other hand will be destroyed easily!

Lord-General Drache: <skeptically> But don’t we need a High Guardian to unlock the Crystals?

Czardas: Ah, but we have one. <Rep steps forward and bows.> And, of course, from the Great Hall, our own realm is easily accessible by use of the Transporting Chambers.

Hack: Ah, for those days before the coming of Alansyism… <wipes tear from eye>

Rep: <She steps onto the podium> Right. Czardas, Lord-General Drache, The Noble Men, Colodia, I appoint you leaders of the Realmfighters. I will lead the remainder of the Guardians, in the absence of Senior High Guardian Melkor, and we will accompany you. Naturally the Trolls will be more frightened of a large army than a small one, so I encourage all Realmfighters to come along.

NM: Remember, we can save the Realm, but can we save ourselves?

<He melts away>

Generalite #1: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

<NM reappears huffily> Thanks a lot for ruining my dramatic exit!

FairyTInk: It doesn’t matter that much, we know what you meant anyway.

Colodia: We do? <Tink steps on his foot> Oh yeah! We do! Not so hard, you pixie!

<Czardas steps on Colodia’s other foot> Quiet!

Colodia: Ooh ouch! Oo ow oh!

<Czardas and FairyTInk remove their feet>

Czardas: Ok, I think we’re ready to get moving.

<Led by the four Guardians and the four leaders, the group of Generalites leave; Colodia still complaining about his aching feet.>

End Part I of Act III

What the hell? End part one of act III? How many hours is thing going to be? And how the hell do you have time to come up with so much dialogue? And why aren't I in this? :P

First of all, That was fantastic!

Secondly, why does Jesussaves remind me a little of David Koresh?

Alansyism found out what we were doing and joined the production forum.

There was a forum? And Alansyism actually contributed something useful? :eek:

There was a forum? And Alansyism actually contributed something useful? :eek:
Yes, is was a bit of a prick. But he wrote a couple songs.

One comment:

This was GREAT, you guys! Especially the Bohemian Rhapsody thing! MAN!

*MUST EDIT: Accidently voted 5 instead of 1... Sorry:( *

What the hell? End part one of act III? How many hours is thing going to be? And how the hell do you have time to come up with so much dialogue? And why aren't I in this? :P
It has only one more part and then it's finished. It took a day or two to finish it. I will see if I can put you in it.

Again, does anyone know flash?

OOC:One Correction IIRC Khata Was A girl

Other wise good job

OOC:One Correction IIRC Khata Was A girl

Other wise good job
Hmm, that can easily be fixed.

It has only one more part and then it's finished. It took a day or two to finish it. I will see if I can put you in it.

Again, does anyone know flash?


lol - I was just kidding. seriously.
also I know a bit of flash but i wouldnt have time to work on this.

But The Red Arrow Doesnt look like this......
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/TheRedArrow.jpg

Spam

But The Red Arrow Doesnt look like this......
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a385/noblemen/TheRedArrow.jpg
We didn't know what he looked like.