NationStates Jolt Archive

Hey, I got voicemail!!!!!!!!!! I was recording the greeting today, and remembering how I used to leave humorous greetings on my voicemail in the past.

Right now my greeting is pretty boring, mostly because the people who call me would leave nasty messages if I didn't do a standard greeting.

"hey you have reached the <family name> family, we are too busy to answer the phone leave a message and we might call you back later"

what does your voice mail say? and what is something humorous you have heard on an answering machine before?


mine used to be

"I may be in the kitchen, I may be on the lawn, I may be in the shower, I really may be gone, if you don't leave a message or say anything at all, how will I know that you have even called? Please wait for the beep, you can not talk til then, please wait for the beep or I'll sing it all again"

(yeah, I sung it)

My family had a problem with it, because people might "imagine me in the shower and come to kill me" or that "they will think you aren't home and come steal your stuff"
I am already expecting messages about the fact that there is a "female" voice on there, so that perverts will think I am single and come to rape me:eek:

Oh, well.

Humerous messages are good as long as you can manage to actually be funny and not lame.

I used to tick people off by doing messages like:

"Hello.......hello? Ok, I'm really not here right now, but if you leave a message, I'll get back to you!"

I don't have a phone.. But I always thought it fun to pretend like you're really on the phone and it isn't the answering machine, and only at the end reveal it.
"Hello .... oh hi ... ahuh ... yeah ... <..> .. Actually this is just the answering machine *beep*"

I'm rather proud of my answer machine message, it annoys everyone, especially my nan, it's something like


I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the
phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for
you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,
like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.'


i'm gonna change it when i get some credit though

My social cell phone is one of my guy friends saying "BEEEP!" and then it beeping (not the real beep, that's just my recording)....which really gets on peoples' nerves because if they didn't intend to leave me a message they think they didn't hang up in time. My work cell phone is "Thank you for calling Jennifer <last name>. I can't take your call at the moment, so please leave me a message detailing the time you called, your service request, and how I can get back to you, and I'll reach you as soon as I possibly can. Thanks." Mundane, but professional. My home phone is my boyfriend saying "Who keeps calling here? Geez" while I'm cracking up in the background.....yeah, been meaning to change that.

I'm rather proud of my answer machine message, it annoys everyone, especially my nan, it's something like


I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the
phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for
you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,
like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.'


i'm gonna change it when i get some credit though
Cool.

My old one was my Uncle going 'What?' in a disinterested way.
Damn me for getting drunk.

I think mine has something to do with sex.

Awfully awkward when my Mom calls.

I'm rather proud of my answer machine message, it annoys everyone, especially my nan, it's something like


I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the
phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for
you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,
like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.'


i'm gonna change it when i get some credit though
Just post your phone number and I'm sure you'll get lots of credit for that one ;)

After I did the typical "Hallo? ... Oh hi! How are you? ... How nice of you to call me, but it's not really me, just the machine: Beep!" I now changed it to "Right number, wrong time, speak if you wish: Beep!"

i use the Joes Taxidermy from the simpsons

Just post your phone number and I'm sure you'll get lots of credit for that one ;)
it's up on PB forums already [/advertising]

Hello - welcome to the Psychiatric hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which button to press

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.

I have a friend who's cell phone goes something like, "yea, i thought it was you , that's why i didn't answer."

"Hello... Helllooooooo.... Okay are you going to say anything or not?... I hate prank callers... If you don't say anything I am goign to block your number... Leave a message after the beep."

Hello - welcome to the Psychiatric hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which button to press

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.
haha! that's gonna be my new one when i get some credit

Here is an idea i just came up with. Sound as though you're in a big hurry and go,"Hey, can you hold on one sec please i'll be right back...*noise of phone being set down*........silence........more silence..............*BEEP*

*Slayer's Angel of Death playing obnoxiously loud in the background*

"Hello? What? What? Yeah. It's the music.... Ohh.... Oh yeah. We're already here man. Yeah. Yeah, she's banging... She's got this coke-bottle, right? And... Hello? WHAT?! WHO IS THIS?!"

Beep.

It's been that for like three years.

It used to be: "Your mother gave me the rot. *beep*" I was threatened alot, though.

i herd one once it went soething like this:

"Hello, the answering machine is broken, you have reached the fridge please leave a message and i will post it to myself for when the people who live here get back."