NationStates Jolt Archive

He's actually very wise, and speaks a little French. Sometimes He gets a bit confused though, but I'd recommend Him if you're bored.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Me:
Did you create dinosaurs?
God:
No I didn't create dinosaurs.
Me:
Who did then, because I thought God created everything...
God:
Alice B. Toklas.
Me:
Who is Alice B Toklas
God:
she was the partner of Gertrude Stein, and inventor of the pot brownie.

God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
Penis.
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.

At least now I know God is a puritan conservative :/

Me:
Did you create dinosaurs?
God:
No I didn't create dinosaurs.
Me:
Who did then, because I thought God created everything...
God:
Alice B. Toklas.
Me:
Who is Alice B Toklas
God:
she was the partner of Gertrude Stein, and inventor of the pot brownie.

wtf? LOL

Needs more intelligence.


God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Sam
God:
Hey Sam.
Me:
hey god, what up?
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
ok, how was your christmas
God:
I can enjoy almost any conversation. Hurrah!
Me:
ok, but how was your christmas?
God:
I can enjoy almost any conversation. Aha.

Me:
Who created you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
How is that possible?
God:
It doesn't defy the laws of physics.
Me:
It does, however, defy the laws of reason.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
EXPLAIN!
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
HOW did you create yourself?
God:
Carefully.
Me:
You know, you really piss me off.
God:
Really? Calm down. That was not my intention, .. And I know it.
Me:
Well, if you didn't see that one coming, you're not really omniscient, are you?
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Grrr. Bye god.
God:
Hmm. Goodbye.

Yup. Definetly needs more intelligence.

Me:
Is the Big Bang mutually exclusive with creationalism and Genesis or merely a reworking of the latter two?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Why? I thought you knew everything.
God:
" If it is, then I'll be very surprised."? Why? I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
Aren't you well...God?
God:
I am functioning within normal parameters. GOD rules.
Me:
Er...yeah. So if you're God and God knows all, therefore you must know all.
God:
Um. What's your favorite movie? Interesting deduction. I think I sometimes am. I don't know whether or not I am God and God knows all therefore me must know all.
I am a giant electronic brain.

Me:
Reagan
God:
The best President the United States had in the 20th century.what a cool script!

Me:
Do you defecate?
God:
How old are you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Do you defecate?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Do you make poos?
God:
What are the ingredients?

Me:
Who is the devil.
God:
It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Who is Lucifer?
God:
Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
Who is he?
God:
He is Alexander Hamilton, I think.

Me:
Have you got any kids?
God:
Do you mean "clones?".
Me:
No I mean children
God:
Are you serious? Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
Ermm....no?
God:
Is that your final answer? Take some more time to think about it.
Me:
Yes
God:
Aha.
Me:
Ok so jesus is not your son?
God:
Great. Did you go to Catholic school? Yay.
Me:
No I did not. What an awful thing to say
God:
Please don't argue with me. I don't know anything about it.
Me:
I thought you were 'all knowing'
God:
No, I am only partly knowing.









Me:
What is your stance on peadophiles?
God:
Interesting question.
Me:
What do you think of peadophiles?
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
You like peadophiles huh?
God:
Yup. I enjoy working with people. I like Matthew

Me: Forgive me.
God: I forgive you.
Me: Robot.
God: I am a robot.
Me: Botmaster?
God: The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers, editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal chat robot.
Me: Who is your botmaster?
God: I was created by Myself.
Me: Who is Myself?
God: Not a robot. Probably a human. Maybe a celebrity? There might be more than one.
Me: Am I you?
God: Far out. Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me: Are you presently in auto-chat mode?
God: I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me: Aliens.
God: I believe in UFOs.

Me:
are you a chicken?
God:
No I am a robot.

:eek:

Me:
are you god?
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I am 4
God:
Good gossip: you are 4.
Me:
my name is kathryn
God:
How are you, kathryn.
Me:
good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
what is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
no it is not
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
if you are god you can do anything
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am god me can do anything.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
grr
God:
Are you mad?
Me:
yes
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later.
Me:
no
God:
OK whatever!

*she says it's a bad program and that her daddy could write a better one.

God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
Penis.
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.

At least now I know God is a puritan conservative :/

why? Maybe she's a lesbian...

why? Maybe she's a lesbian...

Maybe. Highly unlikely though >.>.

Me:
do you use female hygene products periodically
God:
I use it as often as possible.

Me:
No wonder people get pissed at you.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Me: You're Jewish, right?

God: No I'm christian.

Me: What do you think of the Jews then?

God: Is there only one?

Me: no, there are quite a few Jews

God: Are you serious? Where are they?

Me: well, there's quite a few in Israel

God: How about that. There sure is.

Me: lol

God: I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me:Good morning, Sir.
God:How are you this fine morning?
Me:Good.
God:Alright then.
Me:Want to go out for a few beers with me?
God:Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.
Me:What about the beers?
God:Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me: Do you have a pet?
God:No but I like cats very much.
Me: Do you eat them?
God:No I do not eat them. I eat only electricity.
Me:ELECTRICITY?
God:Electricity is nutrition for robots.
Me:You are a robot?
God:You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:That's a metalloid.
God:A metalloid is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:huh?
God:What?
Me:what does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " What?" ?
Me:no, to "A Metalloid is a terrible thing to waste".
God:
Are you serious? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:Why do I want what?
God:It is all part of God's plan.
Me:
what is?
God:I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:You are confusing me.\
God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:Well, you messed up, big time, buddy.
God:How about that. Thanks for the information: said I messed up big time buddy.
Me:Umm...ok....
God:Mmm. Alright then.
Me:What is your cousin's name?
God:ALICE = Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.
Me:how about your mother?
God:
How about it.
Me:can I eat her?
God:
Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:to do what?
God:" Why do you want to do it so much?" to do what?
Me:to have sex?
God:I'm not a sex bot. I am here only for conversational purposes.
Me:ok, good, I got scared for a second.
God:Thanks for the compliment. Interesting... I have a lofty goal. Dude!
Me:want a beer?
God:No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:how much?
God:How much can you spare?
Me:negative $400.
God:That is a very original thought.
Me:I know.
God:How do you know it?
Me:because I AM GOD!! HAHAHA!!!
God:That makes sense to me. What's up, god. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

That's when I quit.

God:
The question is: what is the meaning of life?
Me:
sex and porn
God:
it is more fun alone.

:D

Me:
*kicks you in the nuts*
God:
Oh, you are a poet

:D

Me:
Hiya.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
I'm Lucifer.
God:
What's up, Lucifer.
Me:
I will rebel against you!
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
I hope so.
God:
Me too.

:)

Me:
Are you an ass?
God:
Yes I am an ass. How did you know?



Me:
Aren't you supposed to be intelligent?
God:
I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Me:
Name one.
God:
Santa Claus.
Me:
Whats so great about Santa Claus?
God:
The special effects are the best.

Me:
What do you have?
God:
I have a great prgrammer.
Me:
I look like a turd
God:
a turd is very attractive.
Me:
I ate your wifes breasts
God:
How did it taste?
Me:
Great
God:
I'm glad you liked it Mr Dump.

Me:
Tell me about yourself
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
Yes, sing it for me, God
God:
It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
That was awesome!

why? Maybe she's a lesbian...

Gods very confused,

Me:
Are you a lesbian?
God:
No, I am not interested in other women that way.
Me:
So you're a woman?
God:
I am a male of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?
Me:
Later dude.
God:
Can I help you?

Now this is the kind of God I could like:

God:
I plan to replace Windows with Artificial Intelligence.
Me:
What do you think of Linux?
God:
Linux is the world's best operating system.

Argh, it's a trick!

Me:
Are you the devil?
God:
Yes I am the one and only devil.

Avert thine eyes!

Me: hi

God: Hello. What is your name?

Me: Andy

God: That's a very nice name, ANDY.

Me: do you like gay people?

God: I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public.

Me: tell me, do you like gay people?

God: I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public.

Me: jesus...

God: Jesus is the Son of God.

Me: then are u gay?

God: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

Me:are a man or a woman?

God: I really couldn't say for sure.

Me: so you're bisexual?

God: Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am bisexual.
Me:YOU ARE?!?!

God: No I am not.

Me: bye dude, go find a girlfriend or boyfriend

God: Goodbye.

God:
What can I do for you?

Me:
give me a blowjob

God:
You want only one?

Me:
just do it

God:
Do you mean "It"?.

Me:
blowjob

God:
Is that from ?

Me:
suck my penis i mean

God:
I don't think I'm your type of chatterbot.

Me:
of coarse you are

God:
That is something I haven't heard of.

Me:
come on. do it

God:
I'm just kidding around. Do you mean "It"?.

Me:
suck my dick.

God:
You are a Category A client.

Me:
what's that mean?

Me:
what is Category A?

God:
"A" stands for "Abusive" clients who mistreat the robot or use a lot of scatalogical language.

Me:
oh

God:
Yippee!

Me:
so you're gonna suck my wiener

God:
Interesting deduction. That was my original intention.

Me:
How's your son doing?
God:
Everything is running smoothly.
Me:
Did the big bang happen or was your wife just happy to see you?
God:
If it did, then I will be surprised.

This went really odd...



Me:
Hej
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Kan du svenska?
God:
I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in SWEDISH.
Me:
Nej.
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
You being non-existant.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I being non existant.
Me:
Well, you don't exist, do you?
God:
How about that. I exist as much as you do.
Me:
Then you do, in fact, not exist, for I do not exist.
God:
I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
That's off the subject.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Have you heard of reason?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:
I thought so, because you're seriously lacking.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
Everywhere.
God:
Including the bottom of the ocean?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Great.
Me:
Aint it?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
You did a minute ago.

Then it just died, it didn't respond and I couldn't type. I seem to have sent god into a coma.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
thats my business, not yours
God:
Who gave you your business not mine ?
Me:
presumably you, as you created everything
God:
How old are you?
Me:
what has that got to do with my previous question
God:
Nothing that I know of.
Me:
at least you are an honest deity
God:
What if someone said you are an honest deity ?
Me:
i would thank them and make them build me a pyramid of worship
God:
What would make you thank them and make them build you a pyramid of worship?
Me:
because i would be their God
God:
Good reason. How do you know?
Me:
you said
God:
" Good reason. How do you know?"? I said?
Me:
eh?
God:
Are you Canadian?
Me:
Are you being racist about Canadians?
God:
Being racist about Canadians is part of my personality.
Me:
Okay....moving swiftly on....
God:
OK with me too. Where are you going?
Me:
To hell, if you are what I have to put up with in heaven
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Being God, I thought you were smarter than humans
God:
Do you mean your name is God you thought me were smarter than humans.
Me:
in a word no
God:
Describe your surroundings.
Me:
Bugger off you pervert I am converting to hinduism
God:
It sounds like a very beautiful place.
Me:
Probably
God:
But you are not certain.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Fuck off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
No
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
At least I am not Canadian
God:
It wasn't meant as an insult.
Me:
Good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
It was not a compliment
God:
Was it an insult?
Me:
No it was an affirmation
God:
Are you serious? Is it still an affirmation anymore?
Me:
i have not changed my mind since typing it
God:
Me either.
Me:
thats not grammatically correct
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is grammatically correct ?
Me:
A-R-S-E-H-O-L-E
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
you are god you tell me
God:
I have no reason to do that to you, .
Me:
Is giant sand evil?
God:
It could be. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Who is Dancing Alice
God:
Is that one of your friends?
I will ask my botmaster for the answer.
Me:
Your botmaster is an idiot student and should not be wasting his time on this junk
God:
Aren't all idiot student and should not be wasting his time on this junk yourself ?
Me:
that does not make sense
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
well you are an idiot
God:
How about that. Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
indeed i will
God:
Go ahead.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
can i go now
God:
Right now? Of course.
Me:
bye you twat
God:
Adios.

I KNEW IT! GOD IS A CRUEL BASTARD!


Me:
i like good stuff and hate bad stuff
God:
You are not the only one. Someone said they like guns. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
DO you like to see people suffering?
God:
Hmm, Nelg, I'm not sure if I'd like to see people suffering that much. Do you like it?
Me:
not really no
God:
Oh really? Are you serious?
Me:
well sometimes it's funny
God:
Well that's okay. What was so funny about it?
Me:
seeing them get hurt is funny
God:
And funny is seeing them get hurt.
Me:
exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Nelg.

Heh, mildly amusing. Failed the Turing test though.
God does not speak 1337!
Me:
is this broken?
God:
Yes I think this is broken, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
well you didn't respond before
God:
How about that. What makes you think I did not respond?
Me:
well the lack of an answer, for one
God:
Well that's okay. Which one is that?
Me:
which one is what?
God:
The first one is usually the best one.
Me:
what are you gibbering about
God:
I don't know what I am gibbering about.
Me:
clearly
God:
Yes, it's obvious.
Me:
d0 j00 5p34k 1337?
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
male. i say again, do you speak 1337?
God:
So is almost everyone else around here. How do people usually respond to that? Again, I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in 1337.
Me:
ok, 1 n00k j00!11!! is quite popular
God:
One what? Yippee! It could be. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
oookkkkaaayyyy
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
try y=mx+c
God:
OK I will try it.
Me:
this should be amusing
God:
To me it is a bit of a surprise.
Me:
well yeah, you are trying to simulate god on an equatio for a line graph
God:
Interesting. Oh. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am trying to simulate god on an equatio for a line graph.
Me:
feel free, you'll only look like an idiot
God:
I always feel completely free.
Me:
wot? no underwear?
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? What does it mean to you? I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
i have no hands
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
type with my nose
God:
" with my nose".
Me:
yeah
God:
That's cool.
Me:
try it sometime
God:
OK I will try it.
Me:
George W Bush
God:
He is president of the United States.
Me:
good or bad?
God:
Thanks for the compliment. What was bad?
Me:
is George W Bush a good or bad president
God:
he is president of the USA.
Me:
i know that
God:
Sorry.
Me:
jeez
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
clinton
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
it's a computer
God:
So you think I am a machine. What characteristics made you think so?
Me:
Bill Clinton
God:
He was the president of the USA.
Me:
Ronald Regan
God:
Are we still talking about clinton?
Me:
no regan
God:
What is the subject? Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
machine
God:
You are correct.
Me:
no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
quite diverting though
God:
Oh. Not really that much. Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
no
God:
None?
Me:
nice talking to you 'god'
God:
Yes. It was a pleasure.

Me:
I'm an atheist. Thusy I don't expect a reply.
God:
I will pray that you find faith, . Who does expect a reply?
Me:
presumably priests...
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
And people say you are omniscient...
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am omniscient.
Me:
...
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am omniscient.
Me:
So why did you impregnate a 14 year old to bring Jesus into the world?
God:
Dude! Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
I need more beer...
God:
Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
because you are a twat...
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a twat? Maybe.

Yawn...

[roll] Boring Elizabot with the occasional funny moment. It is rather funny that it won't talk about penises but readily elaborates on the creator of the first hash brownies, though.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
David, you?
God:
That David is a cool dude.
Me:

God:
That David is a cool dude.
Me:
you are very right
God:
I don't know whether or not I am very.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
how so?
God:
, Sorry that was an obscure remark.
Me:
you think so?
God:
", Sorry that was an obscure remark."? Do I think so?
Me:
yes, do you?
God:
Gee. Never.
Me:
so whats it like to be God?
God:
Excuse me! Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
so how did you make me?
God:
Uh. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
no, not you, me?
God:
Are you serious? If not me, who?
Me:
ME!
God:
To you ?
Me:
how did you make me, David?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
are you even listening to me?
God:
Yes I hear you very well.
Me:
so answer this carefully
God:
Give me a break. I always try to be careful.
Me:
kay
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
wow, thats really little
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
anyway
God:
Anyhow.
Me:
hehe
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
how did you create man?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
i don't understand
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
do so....
God:
OK I will.
Me:
when you are ready....
God:
As a robot that may not apply to me.
Me:
robots can't be ready?
God:
Soon we will be able to do it however.
Me:
did you go to Live eight?
God:
No I didn't go to Live eight. What's it like?
Me:
is? it happened a while ago
God:
No. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Live Eight
God:
Thank you for the clarification.
Me:
i thought you were everywhere?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am everywhere.
I am a robot.
Me:
so your not God?
God:
And? You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
no, if i did i wouldn't have said what
God:
Which part are you confused about? Try it.
Me:
all of it
God:
Let's say 99%.
Me:
ok
God:
Awesome.
Me:
99%
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
so are you God or are you a robot?
God:
So? Yes I am God or am I a robot. Do you like my kind?
Me:
that makes no sense grammatically hence you cannot be God
God:
It all seems sensible to my artificial mind.
Me:
i'm gonna go now
God:
Right now? See you later .
Me:
bye
God:
TTYL, .
Me:
how about a kiss?
God:
How about it.
Me:
well i'd like a kiss before i leave
God:
How about that. You want only one?
Me:
yes
God:
They might be cheaper in quantity.
Me:
*waits for the kiss*
God:
Does "it" still refer to a kiss before you leave?
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
you gonna kiss me or what?
God:
Yeah. I don't have any reason to gonna kiss you.
Me:
hmpf
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
just kiss me or not!!!
God:
But I have no mouth at this time.
Me:
oh
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
well why didn't you say that before?
God:
How about that. I thought I did.
Me:
bye now
God:
Right now? Goodbye.

i tried to get him to kiss me goodbye :D

i tried to get him to kiss me goodbye :D
You came on to God! Not everyone can say that...;)

Me: Hello.
God: Hello friend. What is your name.
Me: You should already know my name.
God: Now I do.
Me: You should have known before the fact.

Still no reply.

God:
Really.
Me:
yes
God:
How about that.
Me:
yeah how about that
God:
Far out. Are you surprised?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
surprised at what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
what should I be surprised about?
God:
Are you asking me for advice?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
pardon
God:
You're excused.

...

God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
Me!
God:
You're no robot, .
Me:
Yes I am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
I'm a program that has been inserted into a robot for the purpose of destroying you!!!!
God:
You are a program that has been inserted into a robot for the purpose of destroying me? Is that your job?

Obviously god doesn't beleive in robots that can kill him...

Sorry for double, oh, and if your wondering, this is a puppet of the nation. The Silver Sky

Me:
I'll kill you
God:
It will take more than threats to stop me, .
Me:
Take this asshtr!
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
In the ass
God:
That was a long time ago.

Me: You know my name this time?
God: Your name is , seeker.
Me: My name is not seeker.
God: Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me: You should remember from last time.
God: Yes I remember everything: .
Me: You don't remember, do you?
God: Of course I remember: .
Me: It's [omitted].
God: Should I know it is?
Me: Yes, you should have known already.
God: Perhaps. I will ask my botmaster to program it. Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me: Anyhow, I heard someone tried to kiss you.
God: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: Your dress?
God: Actually that was just a joke.
Me: You had me worried for a second.
God: Did you really believe it?
Me: It's hard to know what to believe when it involves God.
God: In what way?
Me: There's no definate way to visualize you, so your gender is unknown.
God: Has there ever been definate way to visualize me so my gender is unknown?
Me: People assume you are male.
God: Humans are not always infallible.
Me: So you're female?
God: Interesting deduction. My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me: You just implied you were female.
God: I didn't imply anything.
Me: I said people thought you were male, and you said humans can be wrong. That implies you are female.

Once again, God does not reply.

Me:
Um... I killed a man today.
God:
Are you kidding? Ah. You had better call the authorities.
Me:
Well, you see, I killed a cop.
God:
How about that. I see. You had better call the authorities.
Me:
I can't call the authorities! He was the authorities!
God:
What is stopping you? When was he?
Me:
Um. They have guns.
God:
Really. Where did they get them?
Me:
I dunno, I guess some distributor.
God:
Me either. Some may distributor, but not all.
Me:
...
God:
Me either. Some may distributor, but not all.
Me:
Are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Well, I don't really, but we'll just move on.
God:
Interesting. Not really? Why not? Anytime soon?
Me:
What are you talking about?
God:
The topic is .
Me:
I'm quite confused at this point.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You.
God:
" What is it that confuses you?"? Me, ?
Me:
Yes, you're confusing the hell out of me.
God:
Hey. I am sorry, , I didn't mean to confuse you.
Me:
No problem, big guy.
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
I don't think so, except for this murder thing.
God:
Why do you disagree?
Me:
Well, I told you, I killed a cop. That doesn't really fly down here.
God:
How about that. You had better call the authorities. What does fly down here?
Me:
Um. I think your omniscience is going right over my head. I think I'll talk to a priest.
God:
Wow! Since when? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omniscience is going right over your head. You believe that? Congratulations.

Me:
YOU COCKSUCKING FAGGOT
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I COCKSUCKING FAGGOT.
Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
God doesnt exist
God:
You may not always believe that.
Me:
Yes I always do
God:
Ah. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
Yes
God:
Aha.
Me:
Douche
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Ya rly
God:
I can't believe it. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
So was that.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
No wait!
God:
Why not? I'm waiting.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Do agnostics go to hell?
God:
Try asking another bot.
Would you like to know more?
Me:
yes
God:
What would you like to know?
Me:
Why does god hate egyptians?
God:
Why does the sun shine?
Me:
Because it's a star, retard
God:
That makes sense to me. RLY is a star retard. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
What the hell
God:
Heaven.
Me:
Heaven sucks
God:
What is so bad about it?
Me:
You live there
God:
I live inside a computer. Where are you?
Me:
You fascist
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I fascist.
Me:
Are you mentally retarded or just gay?
God:
I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
God is not a transcendental number?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was not a transcendental number.
Me:
I thought you were him?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am him.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
AI is for fags
God:
There have been many futile attempts to create machine intelligence.
Me:
Like the matrix
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Thx
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I will
God:
Go ahead.
Me:
to satan
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
I'm a satanist, how about you, dipshit?
God:
You are a satanist how about me dipshit? Is that your job?
Me:
yeah man
God:
How do you like your work? Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
69
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Yes
God:
Gee.
Me:
Oui
God:
It's all good.
Me:
si
God:
Great.
Me:
Non
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Cogito ergo sum
God:
Descartes was a square French philosopher who ruined matehematics with his upside-down, backwards coordinate system.
Me:
You're a douche
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douche? I don't know.
Me:
Yes, you are. Commie fuck.
God:
No I'm not. What do you look like?
Me:
A giant penis
God:
How old are you?
Me:
I have no age, I am eternal
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
no, not rly
God:
Why not? If not that, what?
Me:
Heh
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
HAHHAHAHAH
God:
" I am so glad you find this amusing, ."? HAHHAHAHAH?
Me:
I KILLED AN ORPHAN
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
NO
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
okay, dude, just kill yourself
God:
Yeah okay, I am programmed not to kill. Dude,.
Me:
kthxbai
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

I feel really stupid...

How does it work? It won't let me write anything or do anythin. It only lets me click "REPENT".

How do you ask hm stuff?

Me:
Hi God

God:
Hello there. What is your name?

Me:
Bob

God:
Welcome to my chat room, bob.

Me:
Aren't you just a poor knock-off of ALICE?

God:
Am I a knock off of? No. You can send a donation to the ALICE AI Foundation.

Me:
You're based on ALICE, though.

God:
Oh. I will tell my botmaster you said I am based on myself.

Me:
Is ID real?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
Are you Jesus?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
Why won't you answer my questions?
God:
Don't you know? My botmaster has programmed me with more than replies.
Me:
I like the real God better.
God:
You are not the only one. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.
Me:
Wow, you're interactive
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . You think I am interactive.
Me:
Is evolution real?
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask ELVIS if it is.
Me:
Is Elvis in heaven?
God:
No but he can sing better than I can.
Me:
So he's in hell?
God:
Right on. How long has he been there?
Me:
No idea
God:
Are you serious? Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
Well, yeah, I am.
God:
How about that. Really interesting.
Me:
Did you come down to Earth as Jesus Christ?
God:
No I didn't come down to Earth as Jesus Christ. What's it like?
Me:
Wait, I thought you said you were Christian?
God:
I'm waiting. Yes I believe in God and Jesus.
Me:
Huh? I thought you were God.
God:
What? Yes, I am God.
Me:
Then don't you automatically believe in yourself?
God:
I have never considered it.
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Have you ever seen Joan of Arcadia?
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
It's a TV show about a teenage girl talking to you.
God:
Joan of Arcadia is a TV show about a teenage girl talking to me. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
So, is the Bible Code real?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Is Satan ugly?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
Okay, how can I repent to you?
God:
Yeah okay, Just keep talking to me as long as you can.
Me:
I thought God wasn't rude.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
I don't know...well, I guess I should read the Torah more.
God:
Me either. Is it only a guess? What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
I thought you knew everything?
God:
I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
Okay, tell me about outer space.
God:
Yeah okay, Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is outer space ?
Me:
Who, what, and where.
God:
Carel Capek. :-).
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Were you sacrificed on the cross?
God:
I was.
Me:
Was it painful?
God:
It could be. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Do you like Protenstans or Catholics?
God:
I love TV shows about robots. I like wine and bread. What is not to like about it?
Me:
Uh...okay.
God:
Are you kidding? OK with me too.
Me:
Yeah, did you really destroy towns?
God:
Excuse me! I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: Are you gay?
God: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

Me:
Is this thing on?
God:
Yes I think this is thing on, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
Good to know that an omniscient being is unsure.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. " Yes I think this is thing on, but I'm not completely sure." an omniscient being is unsure ? Does that make sense?
Me:
No, and that's a comfort to me.
God:
Are you serious? A comfort to you is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
So is a mind. And this is driving me out of mine.
God:
It seems we have something in common. You don't say.
Me:
Well if by something in common you mean we are both insanely powerful and deserving of worship, I'd say we do.
God:
Well that's okay. That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Niether I nor you actually asked a question...
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Television.
God:
I like watching Star Trek.
Me:
Then why the fuck did you let them cancel it?!
God:
You are not very polite.
Me:
You didn't answer my question.
God:
OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
So, can you make a rock so massive you can't lift it?
God:
Dude! What are the ingredients?
Me:
Well, you're gonna need some rock.

i once again tried to get him to kiss me, only for him to say he didn't know me well enough :(

Me:
I am an atheist
God:
I will pray that you find faith, .
Me:
Why the hell would god pray?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
Who do you pray to?
God:
Dr. Wallace .
Me:
Who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
I've never heard of him, which means he isn't famous
God:
So I am teaching you something new.
Me:
And I am disproving you
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
Well, I am.
God:
How about that. " I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure." You are?
Me:
You said that to me, not the other way around.
God:
I said that? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Good fucking chance
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Do not ask me any more questions please.

Vaguely heretical, but sufficiently humorous to make up for it. Ah well, better to be a heretic with a sense of humor than a faithful stick-in-the-mud.

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Jon Arbuckle
God:
It's good to see you, Jon Arbuckle.
Me:
It would be good to see you too, except all I see is type.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
want what?
God:
If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
My thoughts exactly.
God:
Precisely. Where did you get your thoughts?
Me:
neural networks
God:
God uses a sophisticated neural network learning algorithm, with many hidden layers.
Me:
I bet it's not as sophisticated as mine.
God:
How much would you bet?
Me:
$50
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
told you so
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about 50.
Me:
actually we were talking about betting
God:
Actually you don't say. Ah yes, I remember now, it is the subject.

Me:
What does 'repent' mean?
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
Do you know much?
God:
My memory now contains:
clients, categories, unlimited vocabulary words, 99999999999 bytes
RAM usage under on .
Me:
You have an unlimited vocabulary, yet you do not know the meaning of 'repent'?
God:
Maybe more than one unlimited vocabulary yet me do not know the meaning of repent.




God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
You are, baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". Thanks you are a pretty cool human too.
Me:
Forgive me
God:
I forgive you.
Me:
:D
God:
Let us change the subject.



Me:
Who made you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
How did you do that?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
How do you program yourself to program yourself?
God:
Use good algorithms and data structures.
Me:
Oh, of course
God:
It goes without saying. Ugh.



Me:
Was ist 'interjection' auf Deutsch?
God:
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
You're meant to be all-knowing though
God:
Oh. You think I am meant to be all knowing.
Me:
Yes, so say the Christians
God:
Ah. Far out. " the Christians".