NationStates Jolt Archive

I am a guy, and I have recently become aware that you dont say 'I love you' to your girlfriend who you have been dating for a while. I have said this to two girls who I got close to in the last year, with the same results, the realationships didnt last longer than six hours after that point. A week ago I was easdropping on a pair of girls in my englsih class(we were watching a really boring movie and I was trying to sleep, but then they started talking about their love lifes and I figured it was more interesting than a movie)and one said to the other "I was with robert again last night and we were watching a movie, he leaned over to me and said "baby I cant fall for you any further". At that point I held back a snicker. She continued on saying that she was not going to see him anymore because he was gertting too 'serious'.


At this point I remembered that I had heard the statement 'he was getting too serious' twice in the last year(I had asked the bestfreinds of my last two ladyfreinds and that was the reason they were told why they had broke up with me)

Which leads me to my question:

Why do you date a guy and freak out when he says "I love you"

I had that happen to me once.

W/ other G/F's though, I ussually got some w/i 6 hours of saying it.

Telling the person you are dating "I Love You" is very serious and it shouldn't be said lightly. There is a big difference between infatuation and love. You can love someone and be infatuated w/them that is called being "in love". True lo ve lasts for life. I have a story for ya to illustrate my point.
I took of lady that was 97 yrs old. She had been married 2x. Her second husband took very good care of her and was very wealthy but she never once cried over the loss of him.
Her first husband died of syphilis shortly after she left him when she was 17. 80 yrs later she still cried tears over her first husband. He was her true love. It was her fisrt husband she loved and cherished above all.
I was infatuated many times over many men but did not love them. I don't even remember some of the names of the boys I liked when I was young. I am 39 and had never known true love until recently. I am 39 and only now getting married for the first time. I was waiting for true love

It depends on the girl really. You should probably wait until she says it first. Myself I dont like 'soft' guys, I dated one for a while and some of the things he said just didnt ring true. I felt bad when I dumped him though...

It depends on the girl really. You should probably wait until she says it first. Myself I dont like 'soft' guys, I dated one for a while and some of the things he said just didnt ring true. I felt bad when I dumped him though...
Hey, I'm a soft guy. Never waited for my girlfriend to say she loved me, I was telling her I loved her before she left her last boyfriend...

Hey, I'm a soft guy. Never waited for my girlfriend to say she loved me, I was telling her I loved her before she left her last boyfriend...

You must have loved her for a long time then. With this guy we were not together all that long and we hadnt really been friendly for all that long and he was saying I love you. I just couldnt believe that he was sincere. I suppose Ill never be happy really, side effect of my Father's actions. I just dont trust any man to tell the truth except for my brothers.

Heh.

When he said that, my response was pretty much "I love you too."

Some women are not ready for commitment -- as some men are not.

I am a guy, and I have recently become aware that you dont say 'I love you' to your girlfriend who you have been dating for a while. I have said this to two girls who I got close to in the last year, with the same results, the realationships didnt last longer than six hours after that point. A week ago I was easdropping on a pair of girls in my englsih class(we were watching a really boring movie and I was trying to sleep, but then they started talking about their love lifes and I figured it was more interesting than a movie)and one said to the other "I was with robert again last night and we were watching a movie, he leaned over to me and said "baby I cant fall for you any further". At that point I held back a snicker. She continued on saying that she was not going to see him anymore because he was gertting too 'serious'.


At this point I remembered that I had heard the statement 'he was getting too serious' twice in the last year(I had asked the bestfreinds of my last two ladyfreinds and that was the reason they were told why they had broke up with me)

Which leads me to my question:

Why do you date a guy and freak out when he says "I love you"


Dunno, never happened to me.

But I guess it might be because the girls don't yet feel the same way for you, so by bringing serious emotions into the equation to early, you put too much pressure on them.

My thoughts would be "He loves me. But I don't love him, yet. What if I let this go on, and still don't love him? Better send him away now before somebody gets seriously hurt"

i say "i love you" to my gf... uh... a lot.

then again i haven't really had too much experience with women, and she started saying it (and i was only too happy to reciprocate!)... so i dunno: not all girls are like that is my point (if i have a point... i'm full of turkey and can't think straight lol)
sounds like typical (or stereotypical) 'high school girls' attitude to me. and my amy is a cut above the stereotype i'm glad to say! :D

My girlfriend and I have told each other that we loved each other even before we started going out. Yay!

well, im not really sure what 'love' is, its too ambiguous... and im a very clearcut guy who always says what i think, and always follows my principals (really i do)....anyways the point is i tend not to use that term, and talk in terms of practicalities. ive been with my girl for just over 3 yrs, we live together (yikes im only 18). anyways, my point is, dont say "i love you" to someone if you dont know what that means, and if someone could explain it for me thatd be awesome (only with a good answer, no disney answers, 'love is when you walk in a dream', bs, ive 'walked in dreams' without love)

well, im not really sure what 'love' is, its too ambiguous... and im a very clearcut guy who always says what i think, and always follows my principals (really i do)....anyways the point is i tend not to use that term, and talk in terms of practicalities. ive been with my girl for just over 3 yrs, we live together (yikes im only 18). anyways, my point is, dont say "i love you" to someone if you dont know what that means, and if someone could explain it for me thatd be awesome (only with a good answer, no disney answers, 'love is when you walk in a dream', bs, ive 'walked in dreams' without love)
Love is when you put the happiness of the person you love before your own.
Or - love is putting someone in a position where they could hurt you more than anyone else, and trusting them not to.

:rolleyes:

Not. All. Girls. Are. The. Same.

Some will freak out at the words I love you, some will adore you saying I love you, some will prefer you to say it first, some will want to say it first themselves, some will like to take things slowly, some will like things to go fast, some will lead you on, some will fall in love with you and be devoted to you... If you want any relationship to work, the first thing you have to do is start treating the people you like as people, not just as a member of a certain gender. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

-snip-
Hehehe :D :fluffle: and, seeing as it's appropriate to the thread, I love you!
did you get my text? if not, turn your phone off or keep your phone off!
oh, and did you get my email?
still nervous...

Love is when you put the happiness of the person you love before your own.
Or - love is putting someone in a position where they could hurt you more than anyone else, and trusting them not to.
i dont believe you can put happiness of others before you own, its contrary to human nature, that or im narcisistic (ok i dont know how to spell it), though i suppose i might sympathise with the second answer, though i would say ive done that as much to other relationships than my girlfriend....but i do arguably love these people...not bad, im impressed for a first shot anyway.

If you want any relationship to work, the first thing you have to do is start treating the people you like as people, not just as a member of a certain gender. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
amen

ifyou are at the point where you are ready to tell a girl that you love her and she immediately dumps you, you are severely misjudging your relationship and your girl

perhaps you are moving way too fast and it comes off as creepy to be "in love" already. from your post i didnt think this was necessarily the case.

if that ISNT the case, what might be wrong?

ok, what is she "hearing" when you say 'i love you'? maybe she takes that to mean "we can start having sex now" or "we cant see any other people" or "im ready to settle down, you better book the hall for the wedding" or even "i own you now" or maybe its just "i am very very serious when you are thinking we just have a casual fun relationship that is going nowhere and is never going to be permanent"

without one of these (or other) subtexts, there is no downside to hearing that someone loves you. no reason to break up. so ask yourself what she is thinking you mean by being "in love"

i dont believe you can put happiness of others before you own, its contrary to human nature

Human nature is flexible. There is no "one" human nature. Everyone thinks differently.

i dont believe you can put happiness of others before you own, its contrary to human nature, that or im narcisistic (ok i dont know how to spell it), though i suppose i might sympathise with the second answer, though i would say ive done that as much to other relationships than my girlfriend....but i do arguably love these people...not bad, im impressed for a first shot anyway.
It's narcissistic.
I put the happiness of my girlfriend ahead of mine most of the time, though certainly not all the time.
Maybe it's just that I have a hard time trusting anyone to such a point that I can identify with the second one. It's how I knew I was in love with my girlfriend over a year before she broke up with her ex.
And thanks, although I'm out of ideas now, so it's an 'only shot'.

:rolleyes:

Not. All. Girls. Are. The. Same.


Hehehe :D :fluffle: and, seeing as it's appropriate to the thread, I love you!
did you get my text? if not, turn your phone off or keep your phone off!
oh, and did you get my email?
still nervous...
amen again (and (cos it is on topic lol :P) i love you too! :fluffle: )
i've had the phone off for many an hour now, hehe... and i got an email (ooh literally just got another one) and replied too *nods*

edit:Human nature is flexible. There is no "one" human nature. Everyone thinks differently.
one more amen! :p


i dont believe you can put happiness of others before you own, its contrary to human nature
:rolleyes:

amen again (and (cos it is on topic lol :P) i love you too! :fluffle: )
i've had the phone off for many an hour now, hehe... and i got an email (ooh literally just got another one) and replied too *nods*
Okay, struggling to not make a post completely white text... uh, I'm glad you agree *nods* though i wouldn't be with you if you didn't... You say you have no skills with women, but seriously, I really don't know how you can get much better... then again, I'm ever so slightly biased :p :fluffle:
You can turn your phone on now! a few *cough*4*cough* voice messages to listen to... :P

You must have loved her for a long time then. With this guy we were not together all that long and we hadnt really been friendly for all that long and he was saying I love you. I just couldnt believe that he was sincere. I suppose Ill never be happy really, side effect of my Father's actions. I just dont trust any man to tell the truth except for my brothers.

Plenty of men can be trusted - just not all of them.

If you're dating a man you can't trust to tell you the truth, dump him.

And just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean he's full of crap. He might actually love you.

Okay, struggling to not make a post completely white text... uh, I'm glad you agree *nods* though i wouldn't be with you if you didn't... You say you have no skills with women, but seriously, I really don't know how you can get much better... then again, I'm ever so slightly biased :p :fluffle:
You can turn your phone on now! a few *cough*4*cough* voice messages to listen to... :P
lol! no, no bias there... move along now... nothing to see here *raises eyebrow*
it is tough keeping stuff on topic hehe :P
:fluffle:
i shall go get (and turn on (hahaha)) my phone (AND listen to those messages) shortly... watching crap with family at the mo and gonna watch the RI Xmas Lectures on channel5 at 7... so sooon..... *looks forward to hearing your sexiness again *wink* *

Wimmen.:rolleyes:

lol! no, no bias there... move along now... nothing to see here *raises eyebrow*
it is tough keeping stuff on topic hehe :P
:fluffle:
i shall go get (and turn on (hahaha)) my phone (AND listen to those messages) shortly... watching crap with family at the mo and gonna watch the RI Xmas Lectures on channel5 at 7... so sooon..... *looks forward to hearing your sexiness again *wink* *
Well, I'm only biased because I fell in love with you, but I did that for reasons, so if you think about it, I'm not actually biased because my bias is reasonable *nods* [/confusing, probably illogical, rambling sentence to stay somewhat on topic :P]
it's very tough! :P
I'd love to be your phone... hahaha. You'll have your hands full making sure i'm always turned on, hehe.
Actually, it is me so that's not too hard... and it is you *wink* so ... :P
I watched that! seriously, I do think you have cameras and then say stuff to freak me out sometimes..
"sexiness"? Don't you mean crazy, burbling, nervous, annoying-lisp-filled rambling? :P

It's narcissistic.
I put the happiness of my girlfriend ahead of mine most of the time, though certainly not all the time.
Maybe it's just that I have a hard time trusting anyone to such a point that I can identify with the second one. It's how I knew I was in love with my girlfriend over a year before she broke up with her ex.
And thanks, although I'm out of ideas now, so it's an 'only shot'.
id like to think all my relationships are based on solidarity (i hate using that word, because most of the people who do are so unlike me, and use it in a 'lets give people jobs digging holes and filling them up again for the government, just so everyone has a paycheck' kindapeople).... i think thats why (in my opinion), there successful, because its like a trade, everyone wins